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1
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:28,000
Ripped By mstoll
2
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:33,917
(can clattering)
3
00:00:33,909 --> 00:00:35,911
(sighing)
4
00:00:35,911 --> 00:00:37,913
(groans)
5
00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,005
(yawning)
6
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:39,630
(mumbling)
7
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,090
I hate this day.
8
00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:44,303
The anniversary of the worst
day of our lives.
9
00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:47,798
The day we lost
our state championship game.
10
00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:49,800
(horn honking)
11
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,302
Arlen High sucks!
12
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:53,224
ALL (chanting):
Mustangs! Mustangs!
13
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:54,847
What's up, losers?
14
00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:56,519
Oh, man, here we go, man.
15
00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:59,018
Talkin' 'bout every got-dang
ol' year, man, come by.
16
00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:01,065
Taunt walk, suckas.
17
00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:11,580
Everyone bow down
before the state champions.
18
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,370
Don't do it, Bill.
19
00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:14,537
Come on, guys.
20
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:16,581
This isn't sportsmanlike
behavior.
21
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,375
Are you a big loser?
22
00:01:18,370 --> 00:01:19,587
Yes, you are.
23
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:20,797
You are a loser!
24
00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:22,883
I don't know
how you can gloat so much.
25
00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:24,876
You won with four field goals.
26
00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:28,301
Your kicker, Sergio, was the
only good player on your team.
27
00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:31,392
This is the leg
that did it to you.
28
00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:33,602
The leg that won us state!
29
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:34,846
Smell de feet.
30
00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:35,812
I think it's pathetic
31
00:01:35,971 --> 00:01:37,848
you guys still care
about that game.
32
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,395
I barely even think about it
33
00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:42,736
because I have so much positive
stuff going on in my life now.
34
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,773
(whimpers)
35
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,400
(sniffing)
36
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,323
BOBBY:
Mail's here.
37
00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,321
There's something for you, Dad.
38
00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:54,323
Such a fancy envelope.
39
00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:55,540
Huh.
40
00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:56,875
Could be from a customer.
41
00:01:56,867 --> 00:02:00,747
"Dear Hank, thank you
for snapping your ankle
42
00:02:00,746 --> 00:02:02,043
"and losing the game.
43
00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:03,507
Best, The Mustangs."
44
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,171
Ugh, damn this day!
45
00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:06,589
How dare they?
46
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,587
You have nothing
to be ashamed of, Hank.
47
00:02:08,587 --> 00:02:09,884
You broke your ankle.
48
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,178
No one faults you
for getting hurt.
49
00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:14,176
How can you possibly
blame yourself
50
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:15,678
for an injury like that?
51
00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:21,817
This is your fault!
52
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,603
And you got them weak ankles
from your mommy,
53
00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:28,153
'cause I didn't have no ankles
when I did it to her!
54
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:31,243
It has been 23 years, Hank.
55
00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:33,612
And I, for one, am sick of it.
56
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:35,831
Showing up at my
grandmother's funeral
57
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,199
was just bad taste.
58
00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:38,872
This has to end.
59
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:42,371
Peggy, Coach told us the state
championship is for life.
60
00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:46,467
A moment that singularly defines
a man in victory or defeat.
61
00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:49,507
It's where spirit and
determination are put on trial,
62
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,847
and the final verdict stands.
63
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,385
This won't be over until
64
00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:56,727
everyone who was at that game
is dead.
65
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,725
(tapping on glass)
Dang it!
66
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:05,523
Yeah, sucka!
67
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:06,645
Lock the doors!
68
00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:10,483
We're sitting down to dinner,
for God's sake.
69
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:11,608
Careful eating, Hank.
70
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:13,360
You might choke!
71
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:16,614
This is the sound of
your ankle snapping.
72
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,581
All right, that tears it!
73
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,291
That's right.
We have had enough.
74
00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:23,253
You poked the bear
one too many times.
75
00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:24,747
Let's dance!
76
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:25,872
Get 'em, Mom!
77
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:28,091
All right, now just
calm down, everybody.
78
00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:30,586
Guys, I have taken
your crap long enough.
79
00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:32,087
I want a rematch.
80
00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,179
Hells, yes.
81
00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:34,673
I would love reliving
82
00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:36,220
the greatest night
of my life, Hank Hill.
83
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,809
This rematch is on.
84
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:41,472
You just stepped into
the ring of fire, man.
85
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,473
I cannot wait for this,
except this time,
86
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:45,851
I think we should play
flag because we are old.
87
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:48,855
You... want... to
start... the ruckus.
88
00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:51,448
(chanting): You... want...
to start... the ruckus.
89
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:54,364
You... want...
to start... the ruckus.
90
00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:57,784
Oh, Hank, what have you done?
91
00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:58,826
A rematch?
92
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,866
But what if we don't win?
93
00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:03,085
My life went downhill
after that game.
94
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,704
If we lose again,
I... I might not make it.
95
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,172
Come on, Bill.
96
00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:11,135
For 23 years, the Mustangs have
tainted the title of champion.
97
00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:13,879
Now we have the opportunity
to change history.
98
00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:16,928
To show them
how real champions behave.
99
00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:20,806
To stop the taunting.
100
00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:27,605
Man, my-my dang ol' arm
is still... good, man.
101
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,820
I am bigger
than I was back then.
102
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:33,448
It will be an honor
to towel you guys again.
103
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:34,783
Well, all right, then.
104
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:37,119
It's time to get the team
back together.
105
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,863
Who knows where all
the Longhorns ended up.
106
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:41,740
They could be anywhere.
107
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,835
? ?
108
00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:56,137
Fred!
109
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:02,390
(doorbell rings)
110
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:07,520
Hello, sir, we're looking
for your son, Kevin.
111
00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:09,109
Hank. It's me.
112
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:10,852
I'm Kevin.
113
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:12,354
It's been, uh...
114
00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:13,822
hard couple of years.
115
00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:31,465
Hank, I live in Phoenix now.
116
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:34,426
You want me to drop
everything, fly back to Arlen
117
00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:38,593
to play a flag football game
against our high school rivals?
118
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,511
Of course I will.
119
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:48,565
Toasty towels if you need 'em!
120
00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:49,774
Woo-hoo!
121
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,686
This is my field!
My turf!
122
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,859
Stay out of the
Bill-dozer's way!
123
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:55,777
(growling)
124
00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:57,782
This is so exciting.
125
00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,367
Oh, you're lucky.
126
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,453
Your dad can actually
do something.
127
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:03,242
My dad is just a towel boy.
128
00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:04,865
Lookin' good, Dad!
129
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,243
You should wear
flags more often!
130
00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:08,869
Awesome folding, Dad!
131
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,873
Really... square!
132
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,419
Dude, I can't do it.
133
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:15,008
All right, guys, take a knee.
134
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,128
Now, I know it's been
a difficult
135
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:20,347
23 years... especially for me.
136
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:23,592
I'm sorry my ankle and I
let you guys down.
137
00:06:23,592 --> 00:06:26,391
But today we start
a new journey...
138
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,855
One that will end
with our dignity.
139
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,770
It's time we blow away
the dark clouds
140
00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:34,812
and let the sun finally
shine down on us in victory.
141
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:36,609
(rebel yell)
142
00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:37,652
You said it, Hill.
143
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,649
If I could still feel anything,
144
00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:40,821
I'd be inspired.
145
00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:43,863
Now come on,
let's go kick some Mustang ass.
146
00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:45,284
Go, Longhorns!
147
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:46,702
(cheering)
148
00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:50,835
Dang ol' 21... holly...
149
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:53,580
30 eagle red red blue hike!
150
00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:55,582
Protect the quarterback!
151
00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:05,467
(groans)
152
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,690
Ow. Aw, what happened?
153
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:19,822
Why are you looking at me
like that?
154
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,858
Oh, my God, I hurt Hank.
155
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,360
I broke his nose!
156
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:27,615
Hank, can you smell how many
fingers I'm holding up?
157
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:28,706
Is that brain?
158
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,700
Dear God, I think I see brain.
159
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:33,670
We gotta reset his nose
before the cartilage sticks.
160
00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:35,289
Do what you need to do,
Kleehammer.
161
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,882
Just fix it so we can
get back to practice.
162
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:40,923
Someone get me two pencils
and a rock. Now!
163
00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:41,886
Uh, wait, w...
164
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,300
I got a pencil and a stick.
165
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:46,596
Uh, are you sure that's
the best... procedure?
166
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:47,843
Don't worry, Hill,
167
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:50,186
I've reset a thousand noses
on the field.
168
00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:51,771
(groans)
169
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:53,106
Hold him still.
170
00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:55,396
Here, you can bite
on this towel.
171
00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:57,486
KLEEHAMMER:
On the count of three.
172
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,854
One...
173
00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:00,400
(all gasping)
Ooh...
174
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:05,027
It's an art,
not a science, people.
175
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:09,205
Hey, stud.
176
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:10,449
How was practice?
177
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:14,126
(gasps)
178
00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:17,043
I don't have to beat up
someone's son, do I?
179
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,665
It's not that bad.
180
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:19,882
I can barely feel it.
181
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:21,717
Probably because
you're in shock.
182
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,337
You have to go to the hospital.
183
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,054
No, no, they'll just tell me
184
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:26,923
I can't practice until it heals.
185
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:28,641
I have to get in shape.
186
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:32,433
A game like this usually only
comes along once in a lifetime.
187
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:33,806
(whistling)
188
00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:35,773
What is that, that whistling?
189
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,730
Is that coming from your face?
190
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,438
(Hank groaning)
191
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:48,578
Waiting rooms
are always so quiet.
192
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:52,040
It makes you want to scream,
but you know you shouldn't.
193
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,875
But you want to.
194
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,164
(groans)
195
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,629
Peggy? Where am I?
196
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,338
I took you to the ER, Hank,
197
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:01,458
and they referred us
to this specialist.
198
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,051
How did you get me around?
199
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,590
It was surprisingly easy.
200
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:05,883
Your body was limp.
201
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,428
And a weird guy we met
in the parking lot helped.
202
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,855
A plastic surgeon?!
203
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:17,224
I can't be here.
204
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,271
I'm leaving.
Hank, you're in pain.
205
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:20,860
If you want to play football,
206
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:23,822
you need to get your nose
fixed first.
207
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:26,066
(sighs)
208
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,864
Oh... I don't know.
209
00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:30,829
I guess if it'll get
me back on the field,
210
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:33,081
I'll stay to discuss my
211
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,576
(loudly):
necessary surgery.
212
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:39,876
I've made a nose out
of worse than this.
213
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:41,669
Have a look through
our nose book
214
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,291
and pick out one that you like.
215
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:45,885
I just want my nose back
like it was.
216
00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,675
Oh, that old thing?
217
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:50,640
Hank, this is your chance
to do something different.
218
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,100
Something fun.
219
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,765
Oh, how about the Travolta?
220
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:56,601
I even think he could
pull off a Roger Staubach.
221
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,018
Staubach?
222
00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:00,858
Uh, no, I just want my old nose.
223
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:01,817
Your call.
224
00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:03,819
But, uh, after I straighten
out your nose,
225
00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:05,855
is there anything else
you want me to change
226
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:07,072
while I'm in there?
227
00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:08,066
Nope.
228
00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:09,443
What I had was fine.
229
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,570
Really? Nothing at all?
230
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:13,822
(sighs)
231
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,449
My left nostril.
232
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,870
Oh, dear.
233
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,584
We've never talked
about it before.
234
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:20,123
It is bigger than the other.
235
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,372
It's easy to fix.
236
00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:24,500
Then quit yammering
about it and do it.
237
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:28,886
Don't worry, guys.
238
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,425
The doctor will fix me right up,
239
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,799
and I'll be back on that field
in no time.
240
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,472
You better be, Hank.
241
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:37,687
Without you, we're gonna have to
build an offense around Kevin.
242
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:38,851
Kevin!
243
00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:41,851
(sighs):
Well, it's time.
244
00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,602
(whimpering)
245
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:45,319
You were protecting
the quarterback.
246
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,483
Just doing your job.
247
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,231
(loud sobbing)
248
00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:49,027
Bill.
249
00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:05,833
Here we are: the moment
we've all been waiting for.
250
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,422
Hank, careful what you wish for,
251
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:10,887
because it just might come...
252
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:12,597
true!
(gasps)
253
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:14,091
Look at my trophy husband!
254
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:16,843
I don't care if they had
to use part of your butt.
255
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,720
That looks great!
256
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,394
My nostril.
257
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:22,857
You fixed it.
258
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:24,772
(inhales deeply through nose)
259
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:26,019
(exhales)
260
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,613
It's perfect.
261
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,870
Hey, it's Hank!
262
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,339
(gasps)
You fixed your nostril.
263
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:47,548
Your only imperfection.
264
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,463
It's so nice.
Can I rub it?
265
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,461
As long as it lets
the air in and out,
266
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:52,883
it doesn't matter.
267
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,802
The important thing is,
I'm ready for action.
268
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:58,719
All right, ladies,
let's play some football!
269
00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:03,098
Good to have you back, Hank.
270
00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:04,815
We're counting on you.
271
00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:06,851
(horn honking)
272
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:09,195
Hey, Hill,
273
00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:10,860
now that your nose is fixed,
274
00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:12,857
can you tell how bad you stink?
275
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,859
(laughter)
276
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:17,362
KLEEHAMMER:
Hey, forget about those ladies.
277
00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:19,865
Let them go shave their
legs, and braid their...
278
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:22,037
I don't know what ladies do.
279
00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:24,035
Let's just play some football.
280
00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:27,835
I got it! I got it!
281
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,418
My nose!
282
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:35,050
How did he miss that?
283
00:12:35,046 --> 00:12:36,468
(laughs nervously)
284
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:37,841
S-Sun was in my eyes.
285
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,763
(laughs)
Yeah.
286
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,261
Let's run it again, guys.
287
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,808
Move it! Move it!
288
00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:53,777
No, don't hit it!
289
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:54,774
It's his nose.
290
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,318
It must still be hurt.
291
00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:57,569
Hank's hurt!
292
00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:59,445
(sighs)
293
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,493
Yes. Yes,
you're right, I'm hurt.
294
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,537
I-I have to go now.
295
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,877
I'm telling you, guys.
It's his nose.
296
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:16,879
It's still hurting
from the surgery.
297
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:19,223
But there's only three days left
till the game.
298
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:21,809
If Hank doesn't play,
I'm gonna need a lot of liquor
299
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,390
and a handful of anything.
300
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:24,763
Grab a flag, Towelie.
301
00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,306
You're in the game!
302
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,434
What? I can't do anything.
303
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:31,277
I can't catch, I can't throw,
I can't even run.
304
00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:33,567
Come on, Dad.
You can do it!
305
00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:36,817
You may not be able to
run, but you can flee.
306
00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:40,320
All right, you know,
I've had enough.
307
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,617
You play through the pain.
308
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:43,239
That's basic stuff.
309
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:46,539
It's time for me to send Hank
on a little trip called guilt.
310
00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,585
Hey, buddy.
311
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:52,878
How's the nose feeling?
312
00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:54,421
Uh, not so good.
313
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:55,714
P-Pretty bad.
314
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:56,882
Ow.
315
00:13:56,878 --> 00:14:00,098
Yeah. I felt so bad once
that I moved to Phoenix.
316
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:02,137
After the state championship,
actually.
317
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:03,601
That you lost.
318
00:14:03,593 --> 00:14:05,766
Phoenix is hotter than Texas,
if you can believe that.
319
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:07,271
Sucks.
320
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:09,857
I really wish I could
play, but the, uh...
321
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,352
the pain is just excruciating.
322
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,980
I better go ice my nose.
323
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,499
(explosion)
324
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:57,696
Well, there you are, sleepyhead!
325
00:14:57,688 --> 00:14:59,565
You never sleep later than me.
326
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,112
I thought you were dead.
327
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:03,453
And it made me realize
how much I love you.
328
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:05,196
Where are you going?
329
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:06,823
We're gonna run some errands
before the game.
330
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:09,242
I'm gonna get a new duvet cover
for our bed.
331
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:11,540
Well, wait just a minute.
I'm coming, too.
332
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:14,631
You want to help us
pick out a duvet?
333
00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:16,215
The big game is today.
334
00:15:16,207 --> 00:15:18,881
Shouldn't you be painting
your chest and face?
335
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:20,253
I-I can't paint my face.
336
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,005
I'm in too much pain.
337
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,381
Uh-huh.
338
00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:25,850
You do realize
I'm going to Frilly Lilly's?
339
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:28,436
Well, of course
you're going to Frilly Lilly's.
340
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:31,557
They have the best, um...
selection?
341
00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:33,433
Okay.
342
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,559
Let me just grab
343
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:35,856
my jacket.
344
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:36,774
Didn't that hurt?
345
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,188
Oh. Oh, yes.
346
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,860
The, uh...
The pain is throbbing.
347
00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:42,530
It's like a heartbeat
in my face.
348
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:45,074
You're gonna go see Dr. Cook.
349
00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:05,639
So, Hank,
350
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,759
I gather you're experiencing
some discomfort.
351
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:09,177
He's faking.
352
00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:10,804
Peggy? W-Why would
You say that?
353
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,847
You've seen the pain I'm in.
354
00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:13,814
It's not your nose.
355
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,852
I touch it when you sleep.
356
00:16:16,851 --> 00:16:19,479
He's been acting strange
ever since the surgery.
357
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:20,856
I can't figure out why.
358
00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,448
Oh, I see this all the time.
359
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,068
People love my work so much
that they get a little vain.
360
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,364
Vanity?
361
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,033
That doesn't sound like Hank.
362
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:29,326
I just don't understand.
363
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,791
He wanted to play
in that game so much...
364
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:33,159
Wait.
365
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:35,878
You're too scared to play
in that game, aren't you?
366
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:37,747
What? I am not.
367
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:38,794
You're talking crazy.
368
00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:40,253
Please.
369
00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:42,502
As a kid who uses the cramps
370
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:46,552
as an excuse to get out of gym,
I know a faker when I hear one.
371
00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:47,764
You've been waiting
your whole life
372
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:49,426
to redeem yourself,
373
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:52,269
and you're afraid if you play
in the game, you'll fail.
374
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:54,855
Oh, it's okay to admit
you're scared, Hank.
375
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:56,190
Scared?
376
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:57,855
Now, how can you say that?
377
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:58,851
That's ridiculous.
378
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,103
It's what he said.
379
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:02,776
I love my perfect, perfect nose.
380
00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:05,783
Is it so wrong to be beautiful?
381
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:07,823
Your wife is right, you know.
382
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:09,202
Excuse me?
383
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,414
The walls are paper-thin.
384
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:13,874
Listen, we're all here because
there's something about us
385
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,834
we didn't like and
wanted to change.
386
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:18,837
For me, it was my ears,
nose and lips.
387
00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,376
And a weak chin.
388
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:21,875
And it sounds like for you,
389
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,127
it's the fact
that you lost that game.
390
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,628
Listen to her, Hank.
391
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:27,926
She's much older
and wiser than she looks.
392
00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:29,299
Thank you, dear.
393
00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:31,801
You need to deal with your past.
394
00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:33,144
Just like I dealt
with my thin lips.
395
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:34,352
MAN:
Oh, yeah.
396
00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:35,847
Mm-hmm.
397
00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:37,348
No, no, it's not the same.
398
00:17:37,348 --> 00:17:38,565
I just...
399
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,026
(sighs)
400
00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:42,315
It was so horrible.
401
00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:44,860
Everyone was counting on me,
and I blew it.
402
00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:47,699
If I lose this game again,
it's forever.
403
00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:49,035
Nothing is forever.
404
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,573
I used to have a penis.
405
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:53,870
I'm gonna remember something
from today.
406
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:57,118
And it can either be
what sh... him just said,
407
00:17:57,118 --> 00:17:58,870
or you playing football.
408
00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:00,121
Come on, Dad!
409
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:01,498
There's still time!
410
00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:04,629
Go play some football, honey.
411
00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:09,009
Just curious.
412
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:10,723
Over or under 60?
413
00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:12,433
Way over.
414
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,233
Hey, man, talkin' 'bout time...
time out!
415
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:25,480
He's here to save us.
416
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:26,856
Thank God.
KLEEHAMMER: Oh, well done.
417
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:29,029
DALE: And in the fourth
quarter, pretty dramatic.
418
00:18:29,025 --> 00:18:30,868
It's great to see you, Hank.
419
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:32,362
Even though
this is flag football,
420
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:33,863
it feels like
we're getting pummeled.
421
00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:37,288
Gribble's got heart,
but he's no replacement for you.
422
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,877
Every coach dreams
of finding that spaz kid
423
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:42,418
who can play like Rudy or Radio.
424
00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:45,212
But nobody's gonna make
a movie about Gribble.
425
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,130
(coughing)
426
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,879
There's mud in my lungs.
427
00:18:49,879 --> 00:18:51,847
Don't worry, fellas.
We got this.
428
00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:53,386
And when we win,
429
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,761
we'll give them a lesson
in how real champions behave.
430
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:04,565
(thunder crackling)
431
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,838
Ho-yeah! Get that flag!
432
00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:29,427
Careful with that fancy
face, Bruce Jenner.
433
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,648
He still has the flags.
434
00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:47,645
Go, Hank!
435
00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:56,828
All right, Dad!
436
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,204
Run...! Dad...!
437
00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:16,762
(cheering, hooting,
and overlapping chatter)
438
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:17,679
All right!
439
00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:19,598
Why did we agree to do this?
440
00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:21,186
We had nothing to gain.
441
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:24,265
Thank you.
442
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:28,399
I can finally move back home and
get the hell out of Phoenix!
443
00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:41,662
So, you see, your portfolio
is outperforming the market.
444
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:44,331
Mr. Portnoy, there's some people
here to see you.
445
00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:45,669
Yvonne, I'm in a meeting.
446
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:48,505
Happy loserversary!
447
00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:51,884
Not such a big shot
anymore, huh?
448
00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:56,052
Just a lowly successful
financial professional!
449
00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:58,720
I wouldn't trust this guy
with your money.
450
00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:01,014
He'll just lose it,
'cause he's a loser!
451
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:04,014
He's a big baby loser!
452
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:06,357
Hey, this is fun.
453
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:07,565
(laughs)
454
00:21:07,558 --> 00:21:08,855
Loser!
455
00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,603
Yeah, man, happy dang
ol' loserversary, man...
456
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:13,026
(singsongy): I'm not a loser.
You are a loser.
457
00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:15,241
Dang ol' loser, man.
458
00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:56,153
HANK:
Is it so wrong to be beautiful?
459
00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:07,500
Ripped By mstoll
460
00:22:07,550 --> 00:22:12,100
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