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1
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:28,000
Ripped By mstoll
2
00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:35,915
(grunts)
3
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,168
(groans)
4
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:44,128
(sighing)
5
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:46,971
Yeah.
6
00:00:46,964 --> 00:00:49,058
Nancy got me a new DVD:
7
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:53,054
Reach For Your Life with
Master Stretcher John Brandy.
8
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:56,057
Six weeks, and I'll have
a spine like a Slinky.
9
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,148
(Dale sighs)
10
00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:59,108
Man, I talkin' 'bout...
11
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:01,612
man, tight on my back, man.
12
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:10,161
Okay, new alley protocol.
13
00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:12,576
All future stretching
should be done alone
14
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,450
and out of public view.
15
00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:18,079
(truck engine humming)
16
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,132
Good afternoon.
17
00:01:22,124 --> 00:01:23,671
Uh, buenos d�as.
18
00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:27,926
I need four to fix up a house.
19
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,724
Cuatro.
20
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:43,946
Hey, this
is Mrs. Dwyer's house.
21
00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:57,956
Old Mrs. Dwyer sure did
like concrete amphibians.
22
00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:00,670
It's a shame one
ended up killing her.
23
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:02,130
You the buyer?
24
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,499
Oh, you speak English.
25
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:06,126
No, I'm her nephew, Eric,
from Minneapolis.
26
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,298
My condolences.
27
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:09,137
I lived next door to your aunt.
28
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,722
What a nice lady.
29
00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:12,136
We used to chat about puppies
30
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,100
and serial killers
through the fence.
31
00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:15,139
Wait a... hold...
32
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,682
I thought you were day laborers.
33
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:18,146
I just need to get the house
34
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,606
on the market
as soon as possible.
35
00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:20,895
You know any day laborers?
36
00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:23,394
Well, I know four day craftsmen,
37
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:25,236
and they're standing
right in front of you.
38
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:43,296
Eric...
39
00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:45,131
here's the situation so far.
40
00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:47,467
Given the roof area,
your downspouts
41
00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:49,837
simply don't match your
drainage needs, and I'm...
42
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:52,385
Look, all I care about
is curb appeal.
43
00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:55,430
I mean, seriously, do people
really look at downspouts?
44
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:59,559
(all laughing heartily)
45
00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:01,898
You had us there for a second,
46
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,437
I tell you what.
47
00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:10,152
(camera snapping photos)
48
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:11,365
Good.
49
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,156
Now, stare at your belly
50
00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:15,074
and pretend it's not a baby,
51
00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:17,118
but something cute like a puppy.
52
00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:19,248
(snap)
53
00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:20,333
Uncle Hank,
54
00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:22,748
you're being
in my pregnancy photos!
55
00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:23,870
Oh, sorry.
56
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,043
We're getting
Dotty's place fixed up.
57
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,382
It's gonna look pretty good
58
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:30,344
once we strip away the layer
of old lady.
59
00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:31,461
(dog yipping)
60
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,093
Leg!
61
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,313
Kahn, that is fresh sod.
62
00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:42,726
You worry about grass,
63
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,101
I worry who move
into this house.
64
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,818
Last thing we need
is more rednecks.
65
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:49,108
I just hope it's not
another Army guy.
66
00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:50,071
That's kind of my thing.
67
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,153
Yeah, well,
I put up flyer for house
68
00:03:52,149 --> 00:03:53,776
at Nine Rivers Country Club.
69
00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,948
Not to make light
of old lady's death,
70
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:58,868
but one redneck neighbor
down, four to go.
71
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:11,968
(sighs)
72
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,713
This sweet little house
all spiffed up
73
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:17,091
reminds me why I love
this neighborhood.
74
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,592
It's the people.
75
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,185
People with a pride of ownership
76
00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:23,681
and a sense of community
and respect for one another.
77
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:27,021
It's got-dang beautiful,
I tell you what.
78
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,439
So true.
79
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,358
We should do this
to Bill's house
80
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:31,946
when he dies.
81
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,443
HANK:
Well, how about that?
82
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:37,911
Sold in one day.
83
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:39,746
Lucky, looks like you officially
84
00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:41,991
have the worst house
in the neighborhood.
85
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:44,163
Well, from an investment
standpoint,
86
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:46,002
there's no better place to be.
87
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,291
I hope these new neighbors
88
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,540
aren't sourpusses
about loud music.
89
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,758
I just got a new whammy bar.
90
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:55,050
(wailing like electric guitar)
91
00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,763
Well, I imagine any person
92
00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:59,258
who appreciates
fine craftsmanship
93
00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:01,726
will probably be
a fine neighbor, too.
94
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:06,477
Morning, Baron.
95
00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:09,730
Count... Captain.
96
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,694
Mr. Turtlebee.
97
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,776
(engine revving, loud crashing)
98
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:19,077
(screaming)
99
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,713
Hey, you, shut it down.
100
00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:33,466
I have a work order
to demo the premises.
101
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,711
Oh, don't tell me
I got the wrong address again.
102
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,466
Ted!
103
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:42,718
Wonderful to see you.
104
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,643
Wait, can it be true?
105
00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:48,982
You bought this house?
106
00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,066
Indeed, Kahn.
107
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,731
I did acquire this property.
108
00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:53,023
And today I'm breaking ground
109
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:56,273
on what some people
refer to as a "dream home."
110
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,368
Proceed.
111
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,737
Incredible!
112
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:03,409
When I put up flyer
at Nine Rivers,
113
00:06:03,405 --> 00:06:04,748
I thought maybe we'd be lucky
114
00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:08,585
to get somebody's
broke uncle to move here.
115
00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:10,705
Maybe, but I never
dreamed we'd snag
116
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,715
the big kahuna himself,
Ted Wassonasong.
117
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,301
Whoo.
118
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:26,599
They don't build them
like that anymore.
119
00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:36,480
(loud hammering, sawing,
beeping)
120
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,485
(noise stops)
121
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,949
(noise resumes)
122
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,710
(rumbling)
123
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:02,756
(sighs):
This is ridiculous.
124
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:05,976
I think I've actually breathed
cleaner air in Houston.
125
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:08,140
What's the matter, rednecks?
126
00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:09,729
Progress got you down?
127
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:12,099
Just think, one day soon,
I will be able
128
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:15,102
to say two words
I've longed to say to Ted...
129
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,648
"Hey, neighbor."
130
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,654
What is so got-dang great
131
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:21,612
about living next
to Ted Wassonasong?
132
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:24,782
Looking at him is like listening
to smooth jazz.
133
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:28,953
Well, gotta go make
fresh pot of green tea.
134
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,326
Ted's using my bathroom
135
00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:32,043
and Internet
during construction.
136
00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,504
It's like a fantasy.
137
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:38,212
(grunting)
138
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,757
Bobby, look at those guys.
139
00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:42,299
They're not working.
140
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,547
They're littering
141
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:46,766
and peeing everywhere and...
and scarfing junk food.
142
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:49,136
Construction is a dream job.
143
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:52,389
This is why they tell us
to stay in school...
144
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:55,734
So we don't find out
how great working is.
145
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:59,446
Man, that dude
had a lot to drink.
146
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:06,323
This can't be good.
147
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,413
Maybe we should move
down the alley.
148
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,203
Nope, this is our spot,
149
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:11,825
and we are holding our ground.
150
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:15,745
Hit it.
151
00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:17,372
(sucking, slurping)
152
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:18,715
(groans)
153
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:22,211
It's man's most disgusting act
in reverse.
154
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:23,553
Stand your ground.
155
00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:24,717
Yeah, but...
Hold!
156
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:29,509
(all groaning)
157
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,557
(Boomhauer dry heaving)
158
00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:36,726
(sighs) Look at the size
of that foundation.
159
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:39,069
I don't think they left room
for a lawn.
160
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,687
No lawn.
161
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,564
How are you holding up, Bill?
162
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:43,736
Not so good.
163
00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:45,234
The constant loud noises
164
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:47,702
have made me realize
how much I miss my wife.
165
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:50,197
Pardon my dust.
(chuckles)
166
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:52,119
Here, I got you all something
I thought you'd like.
167
00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:54,334
Peach chardonnay?
168
00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:55,702
You're welcome.
169
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,873
Care to see
what all the fuss is about?
170
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,082
BILL:
Oh, my God!
171
00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:02,755
It's a McMansion.
172
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,753
Looks like a bank.
173
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:06,050
No, a church.
174
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,423
Wait, a casino?
175
00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:09,891
I don't know what the hell
I'm looking at.
176
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,180
This?
177
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,803
This is your dream home?
178
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,475
No, not for me.
179
00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:16,724
I am creating
someone else's dream.
180
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,691
It's what's called
a speculation house.
181
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,730
(gasps)
182
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:20,648
(whimpers)
183
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:23,029
You didn't think I
was moving here.
184
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:26,449
Of course, we didn't, Ted.
185
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:29,741
You're like a movie star,
and we're... we're...
186
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:32,706
Oh, God, I'm gonna miss us!
187
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:34,574
Uh... okay.
188
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,952
Can I still use
your facsimile machine?
189
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,626
We can't just sit here
190
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:45,468
and let this happen
to our neighborhood.
191
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,007
We've got to stop this thing.
192
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,466
I need that chardonnay, please.
193
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:56,638
And as you can see,
194
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:59,482
our homes are of modest size.
195
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:02,318
Nobody has more room
than they need.
196
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:05,439
Some have less, but they're
better people for it.
197
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,236
And then, there's this.
198
00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:09,906
Five bedrooms,
five and a half baths
199
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:14,122
in over 4,600 square feet
of obnoxiousness.
200
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,912
Mr. Hill,
are you telling me
201
00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:18,160
there are five bathrooms
in this house?
202
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:21,083
Yep, as asinine as it sounds.
203
00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:22,706
And are they en suite?
204
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:25,629
Uh, I don't know
what that means.
205
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:29,346
Mr. Hill, I play golf twice
a week with Ted Wassonasong.
206
00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:32,307
I am sure he's done
everything by the book.
207
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,766
Affirmative.
208
00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:37,437
Yeah, but there
is one pending matter.
209
00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:39,681
Do you know which agent
has the listing?
210
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:47,489
We've tried
the gentlemanly route,
211
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,403
now we get tough.
212
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:51,948
May I please
have the requisite forms
213
00:10:51,943 --> 00:10:53,695
for a legal petition?
214
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:56,494
(sighs): I've been here
for, like, forever,
215
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,708
and I've only seen
a petition work once.
216
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:01,749
And it was for, like, a drinking
fountain or something.
217
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,667
You know who you should talk to
218
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,256
is Edgar Hornsby.
219
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:08,468
He was the master
at finding legal loopholes.
220
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:09,711
Now we're talkin'.
221
00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:10,758
Where can I find him?
222
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:14,303
They say he's been dead
for, like, 11 years.
223
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:17,720
I heard he's been
dead for 18 years,
224
00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:21,064
but he still got his full
paycheck until last month.
225
00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:22,682
Benefits and everything.
226
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,149
Well, according to this,
227
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,863
he's up on the third floor.
228
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,449
Mr. Hornsby?
229
00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:41,702
Who wants to know?
230
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,420
Well, I'm Hank Hill
and we need your help.
231
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:47,712
Someone is building
a jackass McMansion
232
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,505
that's gonna destroy
our neighborhood.
233
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,343
Cursed McMansions.
234
00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:54,135
It would be my pleasure
to aid in your fight.
235
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,846
Let's try railroad
right-of-ways.
236
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,689
Any abandoned tracks
on the property?
237
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:03,681
No.
238
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,186
Native Americans lived there?
Visited?
239
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:09,403
No.
240
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,944
Ah, the Grushaw Act.
241
00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:14,693
Was anyone
violently murdered there?
242
00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:23,585
Okay, have two former presidents
ever shook hands there?
243
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,919
Uh, no.
244
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:29,461
Gentlemen, you could
spend hours, even days,
245
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:32,131
watching me scoot around
in my chair
246
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,673
looking for a loophole.
247
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:37,636
And I might take pleasure
in that, but there's no point.
248
00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:39,100
You're screwed.
249
00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:46,065
Hey, man, how about you let me
take that dang ol',
250
00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:47,809
try that chair, man?
251
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:06,744
Two breakfast burritos.
252
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:09,748
Right here, Manny...
And hey,
253
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:11,249
good coffee today.
254
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:15,716
Uh-oh, babe alert!
255
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:17,130
Come and get it!
Lookin' good sugar!
256
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,256
Hey, mama!
(trilling)
257
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,347
Last time I shaved my legs,
258
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:28,145
this house didn't even have
a second floor.
259
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,734
Still smooth.
260
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:32,149
Really smooth.
261
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,944
Ted's using cheap
building materials, too.
262
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:37,658
It's all spackle
and chicken wire.
263
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,199
I don't remember ever
hearing them pound in a nail.
264
00:13:40,194 --> 00:13:42,492
And I practically
live inside that house.
265
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,456
Maybe they hot glued
it together.
266
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,577
I'm not sure how much
more I can take.
267
00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:47,748
I miss the sun.
268
00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,746
I'm tired a lot because my body
269
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,089
thinks it's always night.
270
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,923
Well, I like it.
271
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:56,419
I feel like we fell down a hole
into a fairy tale,
272
00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:59,013
and now we live
next to a beautiful castle.
273
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,893
I can't tell
if the burgers are done,
274
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:11,564
because there's a got-dang
turret shadow across my grill.
275
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,446
(wind whistling)
276
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,735
Hey, Luanne.
277
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:21,736
I've decided
278
00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:24,034
I want the baby's first smell
279
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,748
to be a cinnamon roll.
280
00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:28,163
Oh, that's a great idea.
281
00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:30,082
(shutter banging)
282
00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:36,046
Egress!
283
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,010
(creaking)
284
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,602
Let go of my house!
285
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:48,562
(wind whistling, house creaking)
286
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,190
Devil house!
287
00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:56,688
First you take my daylight,
now you want my blood?
288
00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:00,650
(crackling, Bill screams)
289
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:05,739
Everyone step back!
290
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,411
This thing's falling apart!
291
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,205
It's the end of days!
292
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,668
I'm going to get my camera.
293
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:13,379
This story just might be tragic
enough to be on the news.
294
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:15,964
(creaking)
295
00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:22,880
(banging)
296
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,177
My house!
297
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,931
(screaming)
We're gonna die!
298
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,013
Okay, we have no choice.
299
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,686
We've got to take
this house down
300
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,692
before it takes us down.
301
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:42,491
(house creaking, wind whistling)
302
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:49,703
(grunting)
303
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:56,998
(grunting)
304
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,724
(crashing)
305
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,734
Heck of a storm last night.
306
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:27,157
Your homeowner's
should cover it.
307
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:31,954
It was an act of God,
an angry, vengeful God.
308
00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:33,747
This was no act of God.
309
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,461
Look at those
sledgehammer marks.
310
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:38,332
It was the act of rednecks
on a drunken rampage.
311
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:42,218
We don't have anything to hide.
312
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:44,759
The only one who did something
wrong here was you.
313
00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:48,349
Your shoddy McMansion
was gonna destroy our homes.
314
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:51,220
We only took it down
in self-defense.
315
00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:53,563
And for the record,
nobody was drunk.
316
00:16:53,554 --> 00:16:54,646
There's a chance
317
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:57,433
I may not have been
within the legal limits.
318
00:16:57,433 --> 00:16:59,356
I'll see you in court.
319
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:02,071
Or more likely in the office
of a retired judge,
320
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:04,361
as these issues
tend to go to arbitration.
321
00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:11,288
HANK:
This next exhibit, Exhibit 42,
322
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,658
will demonstrate the inferior
323
00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:17,538
tensile strength
of Mr. Wassonasong's fiberboard
324
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,461
to that of construction-grade
plywood.
325
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:23,335
Here, go ahead and pass
these around.
326
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:30,641
Now, for those unfamiliar
with tensile strength ratings,
327
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:33,682
I have put together
a stress versus strain graph.
328
00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:35,061
(groaning)
329
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,681
Mr. Hill, when is this
330
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:39,025
trip the hardware store
going to end?
331
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,984
Hank is stinking up the place
332
00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:43,400
with all his boring
facts and figures.
333
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,194
People want damning evidence
334
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:46,736
and courtroom drama.
335
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:49,736
He needs to throw
a briefcase like Mr. Brady.
336
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:50,987
Something.
337
00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:53,536
Now is the time the late, great,
338
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:57,081
gay Perry Mason would
spring a surprise witness.
339
00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:01,714
Yes, a surprise witness.
340
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,382
EDGAR: In my opinion, this
was a justifiable act,
341
00:18:06,377 --> 00:18:09,756
as was set forth in
the 1921 landmark case,
342
00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:12,634
Addison Petroleum
v. McConnaughy.
343
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:15,557
Whereby homeowners
were allowed to tear down
344
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:16,975
tilting oil derricks
345
00:18:16,971 --> 00:18:19,690
which posed an immediate threat
to their property.
346
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:24,404
Your Honor, it's all
right there in the book.
347
00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:29,151
Which I need back
when you're done pawing at it.
348
00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:39,703
I have no bias
toward house size.
349
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:42,251
I, myself,
have a very big house.
350
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,499
A judge should have
a very big house.
351
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:46,967
That said,
352
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,758
this court rules in favor
of the defendants,
353
00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:52,507
and does not hold them liable
for any damages.
354
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:54,600
Court is adjourned.
(gavel bangs)
355
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,686
All right! Way to go!
Yay! We won!
356
00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:01,390
(vehicle approaching)
357
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,523
Hey there, Ted.
358
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:10,199
I hope you're not planning
359
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:12,660
on going higher
than one-story this time.
360
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:15,280
(laughing)
361
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:16,747
Actually, it is not I
362
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:18,741
who will be
engaging in new construction,
363
00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:20,288
but rather, the city.
364
00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:22,707
Are you aware
of the term "eminent domain"?
365
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:24,296
Yeah, that's where
the government
366
00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:26,382
buys your property
for public use,
367
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,217
but really they're
doing it for kickbacks
368
00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:31,634
from companies who sign lucrative
development contracts.
369
00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:32,425
Correct.
370
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:33,422
You see, I found out
371
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:35,766
two can play
the Edgar Hornsby game.
372
00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:37,226
He dug up an ancient
373
00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:39,220
eminent domain statute
that allowed me
374
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:41,063
to sell the lot to the city.
375
00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:44,559
Gentlemen, enjoy your
new power substation.
376
00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:49,693
(low heavy humming)
377
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,653
KAHN:
This is terrible!
378
00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:54,619
I thought I was gonna live next
to a powerful man.
379
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:57,159
Now I just live next to power.
380
00:19:57,154 --> 00:19:58,747
It's not all bad.
381
00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:00,537
At least we'll get
fresh electricity.
382
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:01,705
I know it's ugly,
383
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,915
but living next door
to a power station
384
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,709
means our baby will probably
385
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,124
grow up to have super powers.
386
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:10,001
And that will come in handy.
387
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,628
Lucky's always getting
pinned under cars.
388
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:21,437
Ah, there she is, my substation.
389
00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:24,182
God, I love saying
"my substation."
390
00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:30,655
That thing is
a got-dang eyesore.
391
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:33,946
I mean, I don't want
Ted's monstrosity back,
392
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:36,694
but this is a residential
neighborhood, after all.
393
00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:41,741
Well, I do know
of a legal precedent
394
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:45,666
involving a public utility
and a dairy farm.
395
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,413
I'll tell you on one condition:
396
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:50,166
nobody messes with my plaque.
397
00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:02,895
I swear, if it wasn't
for the possibility
398
00:21:02,887 --> 00:21:05,185
of being electrocuted,
I'd buy this house.
399
00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:06,728
Well, I'll take a fake house
400
00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:09,227
over a big, ugly one any day.
401
00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:12,480
BILL:
My head feels funny.
402
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,949
Does it look swollen to you?
403
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:17,443
Probably just the stress
of this whole ordeal.
404
00:21:51,894 --> 00:21:54,647
(Lucky wailing
like electric guitar)
405
00:21:56,500 --> 00:22:04,500
Ripped By mstoll
406
00:22:04,550 --> 00:22:09,100
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