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1
00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:37,521
Lucky, they have baby
ballerina tutus!
2
00:00:37,729 --> 00:00:40,524
And fuzzy hoodie jammies
with bunny ears!
3
00:00:40,732 --> 00:00:42,359
[SQUEALING, GIGGLING]
4
00:00:42,484 --> 00:00:44,903
Like a teeny fuzzy bunny baby!
5
00:00:44,987 --> 00:00:46,738
That's real nice, Luanne.
6
00:00:46,864 --> 00:00:49,741
Why don't you buy
the baby stuff -- my treat.
7
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:51,910
Oh, thank you.
8
00:00:52,035 --> 00:00:53,996
I just need your
credit card number.
9
00:00:54,204 --> 00:00:55,914
Oh, I don't have a credit card.
10
00:00:56,081 --> 00:00:58,125
Now, if the computer
will accept cash
11
00:00:58,208 --> 00:00:59,793
or my word of honor...
12
00:01:00,002 --> 00:01:01,753
You don't have a credit card?
13
00:01:01,879 --> 00:01:03,547
But you're a grown man.
14
00:01:03,755 --> 00:01:05,132
Yes, I am.
15
00:01:05,340 --> 00:01:06,884
We are going to have a baby,
16
00:01:07,009 --> 00:01:09,344
and it needs a normal family.
17
00:01:09,428 --> 00:01:11,597
I mean, there's
no grandma and grandpa,
18
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,432
because Mama's away in prison,
19
00:01:13,557 --> 00:01:16,685
and Daddy's off at sea
working on his oil rig.
20
00:01:16,894 --> 00:01:20,230
Normal families buy things
on credit cards!
21
00:01:21,857 --> 00:01:23,358
[SNIFFLING]
22
00:01:23,567 --> 00:01:26,278
Then, as the daddy,
I will do the righteous thing.
23
00:01:26,361 --> 00:01:28,572
I will apply for a credit card.
24
00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:32,576
LUCKY:
Uncle Hank,
25
00:01:32,784 --> 00:01:34,745
will you check my spelling
on my application?
26
00:01:34,870 --> 00:01:35,996
Well, sure, Lucky.
27
00:01:36,163 --> 00:01:37,789
I, uh... hmm.
28
00:01:37,873 --> 00:01:40,751
Here, under "employer,"
you put Costco.
29
00:01:40,876 --> 00:01:42,544
You never worked for Costco.
30
00:01:42,753 --> 00:01:45,589
No, but Costco gave me
the "slip on pee-pee" money
31
00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:46,840
for my settlement.
32
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:50,511
"Pee-pee money" is not an
employment history, and look,
33
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,721
you left your
social security number blank.
34
00:01:52,930 --> 00:01:55,682
Oh, I don't have one
of them social cards.
35
00:01:55,807 --> 00:01:57,476
Or a driver's license.
36
00:01:57,601 --> 00:01:59,436
My dad always said
a man's wallet
37
00:01:59,561 --> 00:02:02,022
should only hold cash,
a razor blade,
38
00:02:02,147 --> 00:02:03,857
and a lucky poker chip.
39
00:02:04,066 --> 00:02:06,151
Lucky, is that the sort
of father
40
00:02:06,235 --> 00:02:08,111
you want to be to your child?
41
00:02:08,946 --> 00:02:10,906
I can see you have a point.
42
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:13,992
Problem is,
I have no idea how to get
43
00:02:14,117 --> 00:02:16,328
any of these cards and things.
44
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:19,623
Okay, I'll help, but
you have to be serious.
45
00:02:19,748 --> 00:02:21,583
I am gonna make
appointments for you,
46
00:02:21,667 --> 00:02:23,293
and you are gonna keep 'em.
47
00:02:23,460 --> 00:02:25,420
Will this involve
wearing a watch?
48
00:02:25,629 --> 00:02:26,672
Yes, it will.
49
00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:29,675
[SIGHING HEAVILY]
50
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,969
Then so be it.
51
00:02:32,511 --> 00:02:36,056
Well, it'll be hard work
helping Lucky, but fun, too.
52
00:02:36,139 --> 00:02:37,933
Just don't fix his teeth, Hank.
53
00:02:38,141 --> 00:02:39,935
It's the one thing
I have on him.
54
00:02:42,479 --> 00:02:43,855
Which one of you fellas ordered
55
00:02:43,939 --> 00:02:46,149
two dozen
39-foot aluminum rails?
56
00:02:46,316 --> 00:02:48,569
That would be me.
57
00:02:48,694 --> 00:02:51,488
Gentlemen, I'm sure you
recall my long-dreamt dream
58
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:54,324
of building a guard tower
in my yard.
59
00:02:54,533 --> 00:02:56,118
Dale, the Zoning Board
60
00:02:56,201 --> 00:02:58,537
has turned you down six times.
61
00:02:58,620 --> 00:03:01,999
The last refusal
was "with extreme prejudice."
62
00:03:02,207 --> 00:03:04,751
True, but for a structure
under 40 feet,
63
00:03:04,876 --> 00:03:06,461
no variance is needed.
64
00:03:06,670 --> 00:03:08,380
Soon, you'll live
under the protection
65
00:03:08,463 --> 00:03:11,592
of my 39-foot guard tower.
66
00:03:11,675 --> 00:03:13,969
The Zoning Board has no say.
67
00:03:14,177 --> 00:03:15,178
Dale, that is...
68
00:03:15,345 --> 00:03:16,680
No say!
69
00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:18,307
Now, if you help me build it,
70
00:03:18,473 --> 00:03:21,768
I'll give each of you a tier
in the tower of power.
71
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:24,271
Oh, I want a tier!
72
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:30,027
PEGGY:
? La Peggy ?
73
00:03:30,235 --> 00:03:32,529
? Hill-cha,
La Peggy Hill-cha ?
74
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,781
? Doing dishes in the sink ?
75
00:03:34,906 --> 00:03:36,982
[PHONE RINGING]
76
00:03:38,368 --> 00:03:39,494
Yello?
77
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:40,871
Hoyt.
78
00:03:40,996 --> 00:03:43,373
Well, of course I'm fine.
Where are you?
79
00:03:43,582 --> 00:03:45,292
- Aunt Peggy!
- To Arlen?
80
00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:47,878
Well, do you have
a place to stay?
81
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,171
Of course.
82
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:53,050
Did you know Luanne
is having a baby?
83
00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:55,010
You will be a grandfather.
84
00:03:57,179 --> 00:03:59,139
Aunt Peggy, who is it?
85
00:03:59,348 --> 00:04:00,599
Call when you get here.
86
00:04:00,724 --> 00:04:02,726
Luanne, that was your father.
87
00:04:02,934 --> 00:04:04,978
Daddy? On the oil rig?
88
00:04:05,103 --> 00:04:06,271
[GASPS]
89
00:04:06,396 --> 00:04:08,231
Well, why didn't you
let me talk to him?
90
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,692
Well, he only had
a three minute coffee break.
91
00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:12,944
They are very strict
on the oil rigs.
92
00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:14,780
Did you hear that, baby?
93
00:04:14,905 --> 00:04:17,824
Your grandpa is
coming to visit you.
94
00:04:23,622 --> 00:04:26,249
We were overdoing it
on salty snacks,
95
00:04:26,375 --> 00:04:28,835
so I put out some crudites.
96
00:04:29,044 --> 00:04:29,961
[GROANS]
97
00:04:30,087 --> 00:04:31,588
So, uh, Peggy,
98
00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,715
I finally get
to meet your brother.
99
00:04:33,799 --> 00:04:36,468
An oil man and a propane man.
100
00:04:36,593 --> 00:04:40,222
Two energy professionals
in the same family.
101
00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:43,141
It truly is a
momentous family day.
102
00:04:43,308 --> 00:04:46,144
That's why I wore
my good bolo tie,
103
00:04:46,228 --> 00:04:48,063
not the one with the skull.
104
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:50,524
My daddy and my baby daddy
105
00:04:50,607 --> 00:04:53,610
will be together in one room.
106
00:04:53,819 --> 00:04:57,614
Now the baby will have,
like... heritage!
107
00:04:57,781 --> 00:04:59,700
There's the taxi.
I'd better get the door.
108
00:04:59,825 --> 00:05:00,867
[DOORKNOB TURNING]
109
00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:04,579
My kid sister!
110
00:05:04,746 --> 00:05:07,124
Look at you, you
ain't changed a bit!
111
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:09,960
And look at you,
letting yourself
112
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:12,379
into my home without my help.
113
00:05:12,587 --> 00:05:13,672
Hank Hill.
114
00:05:13,797 --> 00:05:15,382
It's nice to finally
meet you, Hoyt.
115
00:05:15,590 --> 00:05:17,718
Thrilled to meet you, too, Hank!
116
00:05:17,843 --> 00:05:20,595
Ooh, who's this
foxy little number?
117
00:05:21,304 --> 00:05:23,807
Hoyt, that's your
daughter, Luanne.
118
00:05:24,015 --> 00:05:24,933
Daddy!
119
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:26,184
Hey!
120
00:05:26,268 --> 00:05:28,812
Last time I saw you, you
were a princess this high.
121
00:05:28,937 --> 00:05:31,356
And now you're a
grown-up beauty queen!
122
00:05:31,606 --> 00:05:33,233
So, uh, Hoyt...
123
00:05:33,358 --> 00:05:34,484
Time for presents!
124
00:05:34,693 --> 00:05:36,319
This is for you, my sister.
125
00:05:36,486 --> 00:05:38,530
Oh...
126
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:40,574
Oh! Lottery tickets!
127
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:43,368
And you were kind enough
to scratch them.
128
00:05:45,036 --> 00:05:46,830
And here's something
for this kid of yours.
129
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:49,583
My name is Bobby, Uncle Hoyt.
130
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:53,754
A doll?
131
00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:55,297
Peggy, I could've
swore you told me
132
00:05:55,380 --> 00:05:56,757
you had a little girl.
133
00:05:56,965 --> 00:05:58,091
Sorry, champ.
134
00:05:58,216 --> 00:06:00,051
Okay, Luanne, it's for you.
135
00:06:00,177 --> 00:06:01,720
I love it!
136
00:06:02,679 --> 00:06:03,972
Uh, Peggy?
137
00:06:04,055 --> 00:06:06,933
You and I need to,
um, check on the roast
138
00:06:07,017 --> 00:06:09,936
while Hoyt and Luanne
have some time together.
139
00:06:10,187 --> 00:06:12,105
- [HORN HONKING OUTSIDE]
- Shoot! That's right.
140
00:06:12,230 --> 00:06:13,899
I forgot to pay
the cab driver outside.
141
00:06:13,982 --> 00:06:16,067
Could somebody pay him for me?
142
00:06:17,861 --> 00:06:20,989
Uh... uh... okay.
143
00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:24,075
Peggy, what the hell
is going on here?
144
00:06:24,201 --> 00:06:27,204
Your brother has not been
working on an oil rig.
145
00:06:29,164 --> 00:06:31,333
You are right, and I am sorry.
146
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:33,877
Hank, the truth is...
147
00:06:34,044 --> 00:06:35,670
Hoyt just got out of prison.
148
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:37,756
What? No!
149
00:06:37,923 --> 00:06:39,174
[LAUGHING]
150
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:42,010
Now we're a normal family.
151
00:06:49,684 --> 00:06:52,312
[SNORING]
152
00:06:52,521 --> 00:06:56,149
How could you not tell me
your own brother is a convict?
153
00:06:56,358 --> 00:06:58,109
I was trying to protect Luanne.
154
00:06:58,235 --> 00:06:59,569
You know she'd be crushed
155
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:01,321
if she knew the truth
about her father.
156
00:07:01,530 --> 00:07:02,989
But you could've told me!
157
00:07:03,198 --> 00:07:05,242
Look, Hoyt's
had a troubled past,
158
00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:08,245
but he's here now,
and I want to try to help him.
159
00:07:08,411 --> 00:07:09,621
I don't know, Peggy.
160
00:07:09,746 --> 00:07:11,373
Are you sure he's help-able?
161
00:07:11,623 --> 00:07:13,959
Well, he just needs
good influences, Hank.
162
00:07:14,084 --> 00:07:15,919
Like what you're doing
with Lucky.
163
00:07:16,127 --> 00:07:18,755
Well, I guess it's worth a try.
164
00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:20,674
Hoyt is family, after all.
165
00:07:20,799 --> 00:07:22,050
Then we are agreed.
166
00:07:22,217 --> 00:07:24,678
All we have to do is fix
all of Lucky's problems,
167
00:07:24,803 --> 00:07:27,389
reform my brother, and
keep his prison record
168
00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:29,975
a secret from Luanne --
piece of cake.
169
00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:37,274
Well, we're doing great
on our list, Lucky.
170
00:07:37,482 --> 00:07:40,652
Now, later today, we'll go
see my guy about a will.
171
00:07:40,735 --> 00:07:43,989
You want to make sure the right
people inherit your debts.
172
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:46,741
I feel I am in good hands.
173
00:07:46,908 --> 00:07:48,910
[YAWNING, GROANING]
174
00:07:51,496 --> 00:07:54,666
This'll put the fire out,
right, guys?
175
00:07:54,749 --> 00:07:56,042
Here.
176
00:07:56,251 --> 00:07:57,794
Have a beer with me.
177
00:08:00,589 --> 00:08:02,257
Uh, it's just one, Uncle Hank.
178
00:08:02,340 --> 00:08:04,593
I'll be straight
when we meet your guy.
179
00:08:10,015 --> 00:08:12,392
County regulations
come into force
180
00:08:12,475 --> 00:08:15,312
if the structure's area
is ten by ten feet.
181
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,899
So, we must be exactly
nine and nine-tenths feet
182
00:08:19,024 --> 00:08:20,901
by nine and nine-tenths feet.
183
00:08:21,026 --> 00:08:23,945
Tell you what, man,
talkin' 'bout ol' sly fox, man.
184
00:08:24,029 --> 00:08:25,572
Dang ol' meaning of "is" is.
185
00:08:25,697 --> 00:08:26,823
You know, man...
186
00:08:26,948 --> 00:08:28,491
Man, I miss the ol' 90s, man.
187
00:08:28,658 --> 00:08:31,077
What happens
to a dream deferred?
188
00:08:31,286 --> 00:08:34,122
Does it dry up,
like a raisin in the sun?
189
00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:38,001
Or does it rise
to a height of exactly 39 feet,
190
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:40,420
teaching the Zoning Board
who not to mess with?
191
00:08:40,545 --> 00:08:41,671
I know the answer!
192
00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:45,550
And soon, Bill, so will they.
193
00:08:45,884 --> 00:08:47,719
So, now you're free.
194
00:08:47,886 --> 00:08:50,639
For Luanne's sake,
and for your own sake, Hoyt,
195
00:08:50,722 --> 00:08:52,933
now you have got
to straighten out.
196
00:08:53,016 --> 00:08:54,851
This is fantastic coffee, Peggy.
197
00:08:55,018 --> 00:08:56,770
Thank you,
but please stay on topic.
198
00:08:56,853 --> 00:09:00,857
I will work with you to help,
but the key word here is "work."
199
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:03,151
That's what I am here for:
to straighten out.
200
00:09:03,234 --> 00:09:05,528
I know we can do it --
together, you and me.
201
00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:06,821
Hi, Daddy!
202
00:09:06,905 --> 00:09:08,198
And Luanne!
203
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:09,741
I invited her for breakfast.
204
00:09:09,824 --> 00:09:11,743
I hope that was okay.
Hey, sweetums!
205
00:09:11,910 --> 00:09:13,119
[GIGGLING]
206
00:09:13,328 --> 00:09:15,580
So, today, I'll fix
a special breakfast
207
00:09:15,705 --> 00:09:17,248
for my special girl.
208
00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:19,334
A special breakfast!
209
00:09:19,501 --> 00:09:21,294
[LAUGHING]
Yay!
210
00:09:27,008 --> 00:09:29,928
Well, you two enjoy yourselves.
211
00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:35,100
Daddy, I've always
wanted to ask...
212
00:09:35,183 --> 00:09:37,519
You know what, darlin'?
We need some more eggs.
213
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,938
Can you lend me some money
to go to buy the eggs?
214
00:09:40,146 --> 00:09:42,232
Of course!
Is ten dollars enough?
215
00:09:42,357 --> 00:09:43,984
Can you make it more like 50?
216
00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:46,027
- Mm-hmm.
- Great!
217
00:09:46,277 --> 00:09:48,738
I'll be back so quick,
you'll call me...
218
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:50,991
Quickie McGee!
219
00:09:54,035 --> 00:09:55,578
LUCKY:
It's amazing.
220
00:09:55,745 --> 00:09:57,205
Uncle Hank, I never dreamed
221
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,873
that being a straight-up citizen
222
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,542
involved so much work.
223
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:02,419
Well, here's the form you need.
224
00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:04,087
And soon you'll need this.
225
00:10:04,254 --> 00:10:05,964
Voter registration.
226
00:10:06,089 --> 00:10:09,009
It's your magic key
to jury duty.
227
00:10:10,051 --> 00:10:12,554
Luanne, how was breakfast
with your father?
228
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:13,888
I don't know.
229
00:10:14,097 --> 00:10:15,473
He hasn't come back yet.
230
00:10:15,598 --> 00:10:17,183
What if Daddy got lost?
231
00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:19,519
[PHONE RINGING]
232
00:10:19,644 --> 00:10:21,021
Hello?
233
00:10:21,146 --> 00:10:22,272
Uh-huh.
234
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:24,733
Yeah, I understand.
How much?
235
00:10:25,066 --> 00:10:26,609
Whoo-hoo!
236
00:10:26,776 --> 00:10:28,403
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah, baby!
237
00:10:31,948 --> 00:10:32,907
See?
238
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,451
Told you I was good for it.
239
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:35,618
You know what, Hoyt?
240
00:10:35,827 --> 00:10:37,662
Maybe I shouldn't bail you out.
241
00:10:37,746 --> 00:10:40,623
Maybe this gentleman
should just take you out back,
242
00:10:40,707 --> 00:10:42,876
and teach you
whatever sort of lesson
243
00:10:43,001 --> 00:10:44,878
he is teaching these days.
244
00:10:45,086 --> 00:10:46,129
Maybe.
245
00:10:46,254 --> 00:10:49,924
But how would you explain
my busted face to Luanne?
246
00:10:50,008 --> 00:10:53,386
She's kinda in a fragile state;
I think that might upset her.
247
00:10:57,432 --> 00:10:59,100
[SIGHS]
248
00:11:01,269 --> 00:11:02,937
Hey, sorry to interrupt,
249
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:04,522
but since you're both here now,
250
00:11:04,647 --> 00:11:06,649
how about some Double Trouble?
251
00:11:06,858 --> 00:11:07,817
Not a chance.
252
00:11:08,026 --> 00:11:09,360
Look, it's my job to ask.
253
00:11:09,444 --> 00:11:12,030
My boss is standing right here.
254
00:11:15,617 --> 00:11:17,535
I've defied the government,
255
00:11:17,619 --> 00:11:20,413
and yet I cannot
be punished for it.
256
00:11:20,622 --> 00:11:24,876
He wept, because there were
no more worlds to conquer.
257
00:11:25,126 --> 00:11:27,670
Yeah, yeah, redneck
claim it legal,
258
00:11:27,796 --> 00:11:30,215
but there gotta be something
wrong with it!
259
00:11:30,298 --> 00:11:32,383
Because it built by rednecks!
260
00:11:32,467 --> 00:11:34,302
Get out here,
and don't stop inspecting
261
00:11:34,469 --> 00:11:36,679
till you find fault!
262
00:11:39,974 --> 00:11:42,268
I wonder where daddy
has been all this time?
263
00:11:42,352 --> 00:11:43,937
Tonight we were going to look
264
00:11:44,062 --> 00:11:45,855
through our family
photo album together.
265
00:11:47,690 --> 00:11:48,983
Don't worry, beautiful.
266
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:50,360
He's probably busy
267
00:11:50,485 --> 00:11:52,946
making important
oil phone calls.
268
00:11:53,071 --> 00:11:55,323
HOYT:
Janine! You there?!
269
00:11:55,490 --> 00:11:57,158
[BARKING]
270
00:11:57,367 --> 00:11:59,410
[GROWLING]
271
00:12:03,998 --> 00:12:05,333
Janine!
272
00:12:05,542 --> 00:12:07,127
I'm Lucky, Dad.
273
00:12:07,252 --> 00:12:08,461
You're in Arlen.
274
00:12:11,256 --> 00:12:13,007
Hi, Daddy!
275
00:12:13,675 --> 00:12:15,426
Uh, baby girl, uh,
276
00:12:15,510 --> 00:12:17,971
I need some time alone
with your daddy,
277
00:12:18,096 --> 00:12:20,098
you know, to talk
about father stuff.
278
00:12:20,223 --> 00:12:22,517
Go to bed early,
get your baby sleep.
279
00:12:22,684 --> 00:12:23,685
Good idea.
280
00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:25,728
G'night, Daddy!
281
00:12:27,063 --> 00:12:28,523
[GRUNTS]
282
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,403
I'm a lot better now.
283
00:12:33,611 --> 00:12:34,904
Here, I owe you.
284
00:12:35,029 --> 00:12:37,407
See, on the oil rig,
these are like money.
285
00:12:38,032 --> 00:12:40,869
Dad, were you
in the state oil rig,
286
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:42,412
or the federal?
287
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:44,747
Smart man!
288
00:12:46,958 --> 00:12:49,752
That means we're like family.
289
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,338
HOYT:
Say I got ten cigarettes,
290
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:54,674
and you pay me ten more
for watching your back.
291
00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:56,134
Now how many I got?
292
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:57,135
Twenty.
293
00:12:57,302 --> 00:12:58,761
No, only 15,
294
00:12:58,887 --> 00:13:00,847
'cause I gotta pay a tax
to the guard.
295
00:13:01,055 --> 00:13:03,641
Cigarette math
is full of surprises.
296
00:13:03,808 --> 00:13:06,853
Hey, let's go downtown,
and I'll buy you some pancakes.
297
00:13:06,978 --> 00:13:08,229
Sorry, no,
298
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:11,316
I have an appointment
with Uncle Hank at the DMV.
299
00:13:11,482 --> 00:13:13,693
I'm pulling rank here
on Uncle Hank.
300
00:13:13,818 --> 00:13:17,155
[CHANTING] Pancakes,
pancakes, pancakes!
301
00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:23,369
MAN [OVER PA]:
Number 56, Window C.
302
00:13:23,453 --> 00:13:24,996
Ugh, dang it.
303
00:13:25,830 --> 00:13:30,668
Uh, sir, I apologize
on behalf of Citizen 56.
304
00:13:30,752 --> 00:13:32,503
Please don't judge him harshly.
305
00:13:32,587 --> 00:13:34,756
He's a good man,
you have to believe me.
306
00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:37,842
I promise you this will
never happen again.
307
00:13:39,844 --> 00:13:41,763
57. Window C.
308
00:13:41,971 --> 00:13:43,389
Dang it.
309
00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:46,684
HOYT:
So he says, "Wait,
310
00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:48,853
that ain't no chocolate cake!"
311
00:13:49,020 --> 00:13:50,230
[LAUGHS]
312
00:13:50,313 --> 00:13:51,981
You are funny, Dad.
313
00:13:52,190 --> 00:13:54,567
Had to do something
to pass the time.
314
00:13:54,692 --> 00:13:56,903
I'm gonna go pay the check.
315
00:13:59,822 --> 00:14:01,574
HANK:
Lucky, it's 10:00.
316
00:14:01,699 --> 00:14:03,409
Where the heck are you?
317
00:14:03,534 --> 00:14:05,870
Oh, no! Uncle Hank!
318
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:07,789
Walk with me, Lucky.
319
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:11,125
MAN:
Those two.
320
00:14:11,334 --> 00:14:12,543
Hey! Get back here!
321
00:14:12,710 --> 00:14:14,629
Run with me, Lucky.
322
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,136
Sorry. I was alone
at the register,
323
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:23,972
and it was open, and there
were all these beautiful
324
00:14:24,055 --> 00:14:25,640
hundred dollar bills!
325
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:30,353
Get back here!
Police!
326
00:14:32,855 --> 00:14:34,774
Damn it! This way!
327
00:14:34,941 --> 00:14:36,317
[SIREN WAILING]
328
00:14:42,657 --> 00:14:44,075
Damn this state!
329
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:45,159
Damn it!
330
00:14:45,243 --> 00:14:46,995
I have to tell you
something important.
331
00:14:47,161 --> 00:14:47,870
What, Dad?
332
00:14:48,037 --> 00:14:49,664
I've been to prison
more than once.
333
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,332
And if they find me
with all this money,
334
00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:53,418
that's strike three,
and I'm going away for good!
335
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:55,837
Dad, that's... that's awful.
336
00:14:56,045 --> 00:14:57,714
If they found this money
on you instead,
337
00:14:57,797 --> 00:14:59,173
they'd go easy on you.
338
00:14:59,257 --> 00:15:01,301
And Luanne wouldn't have
to have her heart broken.
339
00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:03,219
[CAR DOORS OPEN]
There they are.
340
00:15:04,887 --> 00:15:06,431
Don't move.
341
00:15:07,557 --> 00:15:09,350
All right.
Give me the money.
342
00:15:11,769 --> 00:15:13,521
- Hands up.
- I surrender.
343
00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:16,816
I, the guilty party,
am not armed.
344
00:15:16,899 --> 00:15:20,611
Please do not harm my
innocent friend here.
345
00:15:25,450 --> 00:15:26,367
Whew!
346
00:15:26,451 --> 00:15:27,952
That's close.
347
00:15:35,585 --> 00:15:37,712
We were going to be normal!
348
00:15:37,795 --> 00:15:39,505
But now the baby will be born
349
00:15:39,630 --> 00:15:41,758
with a criminal record!
350
00:15:41,957 --> 00:15:45,136
You've ruined everything!
351
00:15:45,261 --> 00:15:47,055
PRISONER: Hey!
Keep it down, will ya?
352
00:15:47,221 --> 00:15:49,682
Sorry, sir,
but she's very upset.
353
00:15:49,891 --> 00:15:52,185
She's upset?!
I'm in freakin' jail!
354
00:15:52,268 --> 00:15:56,481
Why couldn't you be
more like Daddy?
355
00:15:56,647 --> 00:15:57,732
[SIGHS]
356
00:15:57,815 --> 00:16:00,109
Why would you throw away
everything we worked for?
357
00:16:00,234 --> 00:16:02,653
We were even getting you
into Triple-A.
358
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:04,405
Luanne needs her daddy.
359
00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:06,491
I can't let him leave her again.
360
00:16:06,574 --> 00:16:08,576
I did what had to be done.
361
00:16:10,119 --> 00:16:12,163
Dang it. It was Hoyt.
362
00:16:12,246 --> 00:16:13,706
You're innocent, aren't you?
363
00:16:13,831 --> 00:16:15,458
I don't know
how innocent I'd feel
364
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:18,252
if I'd let Luanne's daddy go
to prison forever.
365
00:16:18,336 --> 00:16:20,713
Thank you for helping
with my identity, though.
366
00:16:20,797 --> 00:16:24,801
You'll be interested to know
that I now have fingerprints.
367
00:16:27,970 --> 00:16:29,514
DALE:
Intruder alert!
368
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:30,890
Danger!
369
00:16:31,015 --> 00:16:33,226
This thing is paying
for itself already.
370
00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:36,020
Gribble, I bring
a county building inspector
371
00:16:36,104 --> 00:16:37,730
to condemn your eyesore.
372
00:16:37,939 --> 00:16:39,232
Inspect away!
373
00:16:39,357 --> 00:16:40,775
You can't touch me.
374
00:16:40,942 --> 00:16:43,027
This tower's
only 99 feet square,
375
00:16:43,111 --> 00:16:44,612
it's non-residential,
376
00:16:44,695 --> 00:16:47,073
and it doesn't even have
a foundation.
377
00:16:47,281 --> 00:16:48,449
Hold-Hold on for a minute.
378
00:16:48,533 --> 00:16:51,119
With a base that narrow
and has no foundation?
379
00:16:51,202 --> 00:16:52,620
Forget the law for a minute.
380
00:16:52,703 --> 00:16:54,789
Are you a complete imbecile?
381
00:16:54,997 --> 00:16:56,666
Imbecile, eh?
382
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:59,085
I fail to take
your meaning, sir.
383
00:16:59,210 --> 00:17:00,753
[CREAKING]
384
00:17:00,878 --> 00:17:02,255
Huh?
385
00:17:04,006 --> 00:17:05,591
Whoa... aah!
386
00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:11,973
Well, that changes things.
387
00:17:12,140 --> 00:17:13,724
[LAUGHS]
388
00:17:13,891 --> 00:17:17,603
Inspector, fine this redneck
for reckless redneck-itude.
389
00:17:17,728 --> 00:17:19,480
[LAUGHS]
390
00:17:21,232 --> 00:17:22,733
You tried your best to help him,
391
00:17:22,859 --> 00:17:24,569
but helping time is over.
392
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:27,113
An innocent man
is going to prison.
393
00:17:27,321 --> 00:17:28,781
I just need to try harder.
394
00:17:28,865 --> 00:17:30,533
He-He's my brother, Hank.
395
00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:31,701
[SIGHS]
396
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,161
What really gets me is,
397
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:35,371
you know Hoyt's
just gonna screw up again
398
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:37,331
and get a third strike anyway.
399
00:17:37,832 --> 00:17:40,209
I don't know what to do.
400
00:17:40,376 --> 00:17:41,294
BOBBY:
Hey, Dad.
401
00:17:41,419 --> 00:17:43,004
I was talking to Uncle Hoyt.
402
00:17:43,212 --> 00:17:45,798
Is it true,
if I got caught at a crime,
403
00:17:45,923 --> 00:17:48,426
they'd let me go
because I'm just a kid?
404
00:17:48,593 --> 00:17:49,886
Why did he tell you that?
405
00:17:50,052 --> 00:17:53,097
He says,
the system is surprising.
406
00:17:53,222 --> 00:17:56,684
Like, he says,
Luanne would never go to jail
407
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:59,854
because a jury would think
she's too pretty.
408
00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:03,983
Bobby, go to your room
409
00:18:04,066 --> 00:18:05,651
and alphabetize
your troll dolls.
410
00:18:05,860 --> 00:18:07,653
Okay.
411
00:18:08,029 --> 00:18:10,781
Hoyt would eventually take us
all down, wouldn't he?
412
00:18:12,783 --> 00:18:14,035
All right, then.
413
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,496
We are getting him
his third strike.
414
00:18:25,046 --> 00:18:27,256
Hoyt, we're going out
for dinner.
415
00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:29,467
We'll be gone for several hours.
416
00:18:29,717 --> 00:18:31,302
Great. Enjoy!
417
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:33,137
You know, Hank,
why don't you drive?
418
00:18:33,221 --> 00:18:35,640
That way, I can leave
my car keys here at home,
419
00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:37,642
right here next to my purse.
420
00:18:42,605 --> 00:18:44,649
[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]
421
00:18:48,569 --> 00:18:50,530
? Gimme three steps ?
422
00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:52,281
? Gimme three steps, mister ?
423
00:18:52,490 --> 00:18:54,492
? And you'll never
See me no more ?
424
00:18:54,659 --> 00:18:56,160
What the hay.
425
00:18:56,244 --> 00:18:58,579
- ? For sure ?
- [SIREN BLARES]
426
00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:01,207
Oh, hell!
427
00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:04,001
Oh, you guys got it all wrong!
428
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:08,089
That stuff wasn't for me;
it was for my daughter!
429
00:19:09,173 --> 00:19:10,841
She self-medicates!
430
00:19:10,967 --> 00:19:12,510
Her name is Luanne Platter!
431
00:19:12,593 --> 00:19:13,928
I can tell you where she lives!
432
00:19:17,932 --> 00:19:19,725
Hank, you got to
get me out of here.
433
00:19:19,809 --> 00:19:21,185
This was a mistake.
434
00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:22,687
You're not getting
out of this, Hoyt.
435
00:19:22,853 --> 00:19:24,105
You're in too deep.
436
00:19:24,272 --> 00:19:27,608
Lucky, there's no reason
to take the rap for him now.
437
00:19:27,858 --> 00:19:29,569
Won't do him any good.
438
00:19:29,777 --> 00:19:31,070
N-Not so fast!
439
00:19:31,195 --> 00:19:32,822
I mean, don't put ideas
in the man's head.
440
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,657
There's still got to be
some kind of way.
441
00:19:34,865 --> 00:19:37,201
[SIGHING]
Hoyt, listen -- you're done.
442
00:19:37,326 --> 00:19:39,620
Now, the decent thing
would be for you to confess
443
00:19:39,704 --> 00:19:42,164
and get Lucky off,
so he and your daughter
444
00:19:42,248 --> 00:19:44,584
can get their lives
started the right way.
445
00:19:49,130 --> 00:19:52,008
Hank, don't tell Luanne
I went down like this,
446
00:19:52,133 --> 00:19:53,467
as a favor to me.
447
00:19:53,676 --> 00:19:54,844
Well...
[SIGHS]
448
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:57,013
We probably would
do that anyway,
449
00:19:57,138 --> 00:19:58,848
but, all right, for you.
450
00:19:59,307 --> 00:20:00,725
Uh, officer?
451
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:02,018
Mr. Platter here
452
00:20:02,184 --> 00:20:04,270
has something he'd like to say.
453
00:20:08,149 --> 00:20:11,110
To celebrate my freedom
and my new credit card,
454
00:20:11,193 --> 00:20:13,404
ice cream is on me.
455
00:20:13,654 --> 00:20:17,325
Lucky, I'm so proud
you confessed to stealing
456
00:20:17,408 --> 00:20:19,035
to protect that little
crippled boy
457
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:20,411
who really did it.
458
00:20:20,578 --> 00:20:23,956
But now, what will happen
to the little crippled boy?
459
00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:25,082
[STAMMERS]
460
00:20:25,207 --> 00:20:26,959
I cannot keep lying anymore.
461
00:20:27,043 --> 00:20:29,420
It's time Luanne knew the truth.
462
00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:32,214
What truth?
463
00:20:34,550 --> 00:20:36,636
The crippled boy
will be released
464
00:20:36,761 --> 00:20:38,721
and given a brand-new
wheelchair!
465
00:20:38,929 --> 00:20:40,890
Oh! Good.
466
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:43,142
Aw, I'm just sad
Daddy had to go back
467
00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:45,269
to his oil rig again.
468
00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:47,021
He would be so proud of you.
469
00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:48,439
HANK:
He sure would.
470
00:20:48,606 --> 00:20:51,233
But they really need him
on that oil rig.
471
00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:54,737
Otherwise, they wouldn't have
given him a lifetime contract.
472
00:20:54,945 --> 00:20:57,406
Oil is very important
to America.
473
00:20:57,615 --> 00:21:00,076
Even more important
than propane?
474
00:21:01,535 --> 00:21:04,080
Uh... yes, Luanne.
475
00:21:04,163 --> 00:21:09,251
Oil... is even more
important than propane.
476
00:21:09,460 --> 00:21:11,712
I'm so proud of Daddy!
477
00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:13,673
We all are, baby girl.
478
00:21:13,881 --> 00:21:15,716
We all are.
479
00:21:55,631 --> 00:21:58,134
HANK: "Pee-pee money" is
not an employment history.
480
00:21:58,184 --> 00:22:02,734
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