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1
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PEGGY: That year,
we almost had it.
2
00:00:37,563 --> 00:00:39,940
BOBBY: I had just
learned how to button.
3
00:00:40,149 --> 00:00:42,276
You should've checked my work.
4
00:00:42,401 --> 00:00:43,652
[LAUGHS]
5
00:00:43,735 --> 00:00:45,028
Oh, my God.
6
00:00:45,237 --> 00:00:47,114
Look at Dad!
7
00:00:48,157 --> 00:00:50,742
Ugh, I should just destroy
those back-up glasses.
8
00:00:51,326 --> 00:00:53,954
I wonder where
that necklace went?
9
00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:56,540
Hank!
Guess what?!
10
00:00:56,707 --> 00:00:58,792
You know how we always
wait until the last minute
11
00:00:58,876 --> 00:01:01,336
to get our Christmas card
photo taken and always end up
12
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:04,047
getting Mega Lo portraits,
which are always terrible?
13
00:01:04,214 --> 00:01:07,217
Uh... am I supposed to be
guessing something here?
14
00:01:07,426 --> 00:01:10,012
Mom got us
an appointment with Ron!
15
00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:12,806
As in "Portraits by Ron" Ron!
16
00:01:12,931 --> 00:01:15,309
I called and got the last
available appointment
17
00:01:15,392 --> 00:01:16,477
before Christmas.
18
00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:17,478
Wow!
19
00:01:17,561 --> 00:01:20,355
This guy's even taken photos
of the Stricklands!
20
00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:21,982
This is gonna be great!
21
00:01:22,149 --> 00:01:24,776
It's all because I did
your favorite thing, Hank --
22
00:01:24,860 --> 00:01:26,111
I planned ahead.
23
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,280
Well, you know
what I always say:
24
00:01:28,405 --> 00:01:29,948
"If you plan ahead,
25
00:01:30,073 --> 00:01:32,993
then, when things happen,
you're prepared."
26
00:01:34,036 --> 00:01:35,329
Yep.
27
00:01:35,454 --> 00:01:36,622
Yup.
28
00:01:36,705 --> 00:01:38,165
Mm-hmm.
29
00:01:38,290 --> 00:01:40,834
[PLAYS BLUESY ROCK RUN]
30
00:01:40,918 --> 00:01:42,377
? Yeeeeeep! ?
31
00:01:42,494 --> 00:01:44,787
Talkin' 'bout like
a dang ol' Rick Wakeman, man,
32
00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,883
'stead of "yes" man, you gonna
dang ol' say "no," man.
33
00:01:48,050 --> 00:01:50,177
I took it upon myself to upgrade
34
00:01:50,302 --> 00:01:52,304
the entertainment value
of the alley,
35
00:01:52,429 --> 00:01:54,806
and provide a soundtrack,
if you will.
36
00:01:54,973 --> 00:01:56,683
Uh, I don't know, Dale.
37
00:01:56,808 --> 00:01:58,852
Conversation's already
pretty good.
38
00:01:58,936 --> 00:02:00,145
DALE:
But it could be better!
39
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:01,396
I'll show you!
40
00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:03,315
So, I was just
opening this beer,
41
00:02:03,398 --> 00:02:06,068
and the tab didn't
go all the way in.
42
00:02:06,151 --> 00:02:08,987
[PLAYS DRAMATIC STINGER]
43
00:02:09,071 --> 00:02:11,740
So I had to push it open
with my Swiss Army knife
44
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:15,452
and now, my beer tastes
like my back pocket.
45
00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:17,746
[PLAYS BRIGHT GLISSANDO]
46
00:02:17,829 --> 00:02:20,541
Wow... you really
made that come to life.
47
00:02:20,624 --> 00:02:22,876
Sssst! Good luck following that,
Boomhauer.
48
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,295
Dad, Dooley ran away from home!
49
00:02:25,420 --> 00:02:28,757
He left a note with
only two words: I'm gone.
50
00:02:28,966 --> 00:02:31,718
[PLAYS THE FIRST FEW NOTES OF
BEETHOVEN'S FIFTH SYMPHONY]
51
00:02:33,011 --> 00:02:34,429
So Dooley ran away.
52
00:02:34,596 --> 00:02:35,556
Mm-mm-mm.
53
00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:37,391
I 'am not
the least bit surprised.
54
00:02:37,516 --> 00:02:39,768
There is no way you can keep
a lid on that powder keg
55
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:41,270
they call a family.
56
00:02:41,436 --> 00:02:43,689
I thought you and Melinda Dooley
were friends.
57
00:02:43,855 --> 00:02:44,898
Yeah...
58
00:02:44,982 --> 00:02:47,150
Melinda and I
took different paths.
59
00:02:47,276 --> 00:02:50,112
Let's just say her clothes
weren't the only thing
60
00:02:50,195 --> 00:02:52,197
that got casual on Fridays.
61
00:02:52,322 --> 00:02:54,074
I will leave it at that.
62
00:02:54,157 --> 00:02:55,367
Her values.
63
00:02:55,534 --> 00:02:57,369
I wonder where that boy is.
64
00:02:57,452 --> 00:03:01,290
If I were him, I'd find myself
a nice culvert to crawl into.
65
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:03,292
Somewhere in Oklahoma,
66
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:06,420
where the police treat
you like a human being.
67
00:03:06,628 --> 00:03:08,922
Uh... okay.
68
00:03:13,552 --> 00:03:14,803
[DOOR OPENING]
69
00:03:17,222 --> 00:03:18,557
Poor Melinda.
70
00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:20,183
It all went downhill for her
71
00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:22,144
after she married
that Tim Dooley.
72
00:03:22,227 --> 00:03:23,770
Well, because she had to.
73
00:03:23,895 --> 00:03:25,063
Poor thing.
74
00:03:25,147 --> 00:03:27,733
First, everything else in
her life, and now this.
75
00:03:27,858 --> 00:03:29,735
PRINCIPAL MOSS [OVER PA]:
Welcome, parents.
76
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:32,571
We're confronting a serious
and difficult issue.
77
00:03:32,738 --> 00:03:35,365
Thank God we've got a speaker
to tell us what to do.
78
00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:38,076
"Here he is, fresh from
The Montel Williams Show --
79
00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:40,120
Author Stephens Davies."
80
00:03:40,203 --> 00:03:42,414
[APPLAUSE]
81
00:03:43,915 --> 00:03:45,208
Good evening.
82
00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:47,002
First, let me extend
my condolences
83
00:03:47,085 --> 00:03:49,463
to the Dooley family
and the Arlen community.
84
00:03:49,588 --> 00:03:52,299
We must ask ourselves
why this happened.
85
00:03:52,424 --> 00:03:54,384
Allow me to quote from my book.
86
00:03:55,761 --> 00:03:59,389
"The nuclear family
has suffered a meltdown."
87
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:01,767
If you don't have a
close-knit family,
88
00:04:01,892 --> 00:04:04,561
then every member
of your family is at risk.
89
00:04:04,686 --> 00:04:05,937
[DOOR OPENS]
90
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,564
[PEOPLE GASPING]
91
00:04:12,110 --> 00:04:13,737
I'm back.
92
00:04:16,907 --> 00:04:18,283
Show's over.
93
00:04:19,034 --> 00:04:20,285
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
94
00:04:20,410 --> 00:04:22,913
Dooley is the exception
who proves the rule.
95
00:04:24,247 --> 00:04:26,583
Yes, every second
in this country,
96
00:04:26,708 --> 00:04:29,086
a poorly parented child
runs away.
97
00:04:30,962 --> 00:04:32,214
Excuse me!
98
00:04:32,381 --> 00:04:33,882
Your child could run away!
99
00:04:34,091 --> 00:04:36,426
My son will not run away.
100
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:38,303
My family is fine.
101
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:39,888
Don't you think Mrs. Dooley
102
00:04:39,971 --> 00:04:41,640
thought her family
was fine, too?
103
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:43,183
Well, probably.
104
00:04:43,266 --> 00:04:46,269
But, really, I don't think
this relates to me.
105
00:04:46,436 --> 00:04:47,771
[SMUG LAUGH]
106
00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:49,523
Of course you don't.
Your family's great.
107
00:04:49,606 --> 00:04:52,359
So, tell me:
where's your son right now?
108
00:04:53,151 --> 00:04:55,195
He is... at home.
109
00:04:55,362 --> 00:04:56,530
Then let's call him.
110
00:04:56,655 --> 00:04:58,115
Get on up here!
111
00:04:58,281 --> 00:04:59,825
[PEOPLE MURMURING "OOH!"]
112
00:04:59,908 --> 00:05:01,827
Okay.
113
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:03,537
Whoa!
Look out for the books.
114
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:06,415
On sale. With a forward
by Marilu Henner.
115
00:05:06,581 --> 00:05:09,418
Are you sure you don't want
to talk to Melinda Dooley?
116
00:05:09,501 --> 00:05:11,461
She's right there.
117
00:05:19,678 --> 00:05:21,138
[PHONE LINE RINGING]
118
00:05:21,304 --> 00:05:22,723
[PHONE RINGING]
119
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:28,812
[PHONE LINE RINGING]
120
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,189
[LINE CLICKS]
121
00:05:31,314 --> 00:05:33,024
PEGGY [RECORDED]:
Sorry, we're not home right now.
122
00:05:33,150 --> 00:05:36,862
Unless this is Alex Trebek,
in which case, come right over.
123
00:05:36,945 --> 00:05:38,363
[PEGGY GUFFAWS ON RECORDING]
124
00:05:38,447 --> 00:05:40,741
[LAUGHS ANXIOUSLY]
Well, that's just...
125
00:05:42,951 --> 00:05:45,203
Interesting. What's your son's
cell phone number?
126
00:05:45,370 --> 00:05:47,080
He doesn't have a cell phone.
127
00:05:48,123 --> 00:05:50,250
You have no idea
where your son is
128
00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:51,752
or how to get a hold of him.
129
00:05:51,877 --> 00:05:53,628
So if he's gone, he's gone.
130
00:05:53,837 --> 00:05:55,130
Well, uh...
131
00:05:56,965 --> 00:05:59,676
This is the real problem
with American families.
132
00:05:59,885 --> 00:06:02,179
Complacency!
Self-satisfaction!
133
00:06:02,345 --> 00:06:03,722
Igno-rationalization!
134
00:06:03,889 --> 00:06:05,474
It's a word I coined --
it's in my book --
135
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:07,476
and she's guilty of it.
136
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:09,895
I am so sorry.
137
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,063
You're ashamed.
138
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:22,324
Peggy, I think
you may be overreacting.
139
00:06:22,491 --> 00:06:23,742
Have you ever wondered
140
00:06:23,825 --> 00:06:26,036
why we can never get
our Christmas card photo right?
141
00:06:26,161 --> 00:06:29,289
It's because, as a family,
we are all over the place:
142
00:06:29,372 --> 00:06:32,083
scattered, disheveled,
eyes closed.
143
00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:35,128
The 77 Cowboys
never took a good photo,
144
00:06:35,253 --> 00:06:36,880
but they won the Super Bowl.
145
00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:38,423
Your logic doesn't hold up.
146
00:06:38,590 --> 00:06:42,052
Hank, when an expert on families
calls you up on stage
147
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,429
and tells you
you are failing as a parent,
148
00:06:44,513 --> 00:06:46,681
it would be foolish of you
to ignore it.
149
00:06:46,890 --> 00:06:48,099
[WEARY SIGH]
150
00:06:48,266 --> 00:06:49,768
Which is why I got this.
151
00:06:49,893 --> 00:06:52,771
Now, when you go out, simply
slide your magnet to "out,"
152
00:06:52,854 --> 00:06:55,816
and indicate your destination
and estimated time spent,
153
00:06:55,899 --> 00:06:57,359
using these symbols here.
154
00:06:59,110 --> 00:07:00,946
I also bought each of you
a cell phone.
155
00:07:01,071 --> 00:07:02,405
Cool!
156
00:07:02,572 --> 00:07:04,741
Yeah, it is cool.
It only calls me.
157
00:07:04,908 --> 00:07:06,076
Oh.
158
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,494
Can I receive calls?
159
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:08,578
From me.
160
00:07:10,580 --> 00:07:12,040
Peggy, this is unnecessary.
161
00:07:12,123 --> 00:07:14,084
We communicate as needed.
162
00:07:16,294 --> 00:07:17,671
[SIGHS WEARILY]
163
00:07:17,796 --> 00:07:21,716
Uh, well, I do like
dry-erase boards.
164
00:07:21,925 --> 00:07:23,385
Thank you.
165
00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:27,764
[FUNKY SYNTHO-BASS LINE PLAYING]
166
00:07:27,923 --> 00:07:29,258
What's that you're playing?
167
00:07:29,474 --> 00:07:30,767
It's your theme song.
168
00:07:30,934 --> 00:07:32,644
- What?!
- I'm kidding.
169
00:07:32,727 --> 00:07:34,354
This is your theme song.
170
00:07:34,563 --> 00:07:38,066
[PLAYING METALLICA-LIKE,
MELODY-LESS NOTES]
171
00:07:38,149 --> 00:07:40,026
No, no, it's this.
172
00:07:40,151 --> 00:07:42,487
[PLAYS GENTLE, DELICATE
CELESTIAL HARP NOTES]
173
00:07:42,612 --> 00:07:44,614
[GUFFAWING]
174
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,074
It really is that.
175
00:07:46,241 --> 00:07:47,450
[GROANS]
176
00:07:47,617 --> 00:07:49,619
Listen to my theme song!
177
00:07:49,828 --> 00:07:52,664
[PLAYS WACKY SOUND EFFECTS
LIKE A SPIKE JONES SONG]
178
00:07:52,789 --> 00:07:54,833
Oh, that is so me.
179
00:07:54,916 --> 00:07:57,419
[PLAYS CLANKING,
BOINGING SOUND EFFECTS]
180
00:07:59,254 --> 00:08:00,505
Aw, dang it.
181
00:08:00,589 --> 00:08:02,924
I lost the drawstring
to my sweatpants again.
182
00:08:03,008 --> 00:08:05,552
What's that trick
with the, uh...
183
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:06,636
Peggy!
184
00:08:06,803 --> 00:08:08,305
What are you doing
in your underwear
185
00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:10,348
outside the master bathroom?
186
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:13,518
I want us to be a closer,
more open family.
187
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:16,121
What?!
Why would you want that?!
188
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:17,898
[EXCLAIMS]
189
00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:19,774
Because of what
I just read in Davies's book --
190
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,985
Chapter 12: Get Comfortable.
191
00:08:22,152 --> 00:08:23,904
Clothes may keep your body warm,
192
00:08:23,987 --> 00:08:25,947
but they make your heart cold."
193
00:08:26,031 --> 00:08:28,825
We need more intimacy
as a family, Hank.
194
00:08:29,034 --> 00:08:31,661
I thought that's what
the dry-erase board was for.
195
00:08:31,703 --> 00:08:34,581
Now, for God sakes,
put on some clothes!
196
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,458
Hank, the dry-erase board
197
00:08:36,541 --> 00:08:38,793
is only the physical part
of the solution.
198
00:08:38,877 --> 00:08:42,923
This hanging out in our
underwear is the emotional part.
199
00:08:43,173 --> 00:08:46,384
Mmm! This is the way food
was meant to be eaten!
200
00:08:46,509 --> 00:08:47,886
No stains.
201
00:08:47,969 --> 00:08:50,722
I can just hose down afterwards.
202
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:54,976
I don't think this is sanitary.
203
00:08:55,060 --> 00:08:57,062
Hank, you might feel
better about this
204
00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:58,679
if you took your pants off.
205
00:08:58,855 --> 00:09:00,315
- No.
- All right.
206
00:09:00,398 --> 00:09:02,901
Look -- if wearing your pants
makes you comfortable, do it.
207
00:09:02,984 --> 00:09:04,027
Anything goes.
208
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:05,695
Do whatever you feel like doing.
209
00:09:06,321 --> 00:09:08,114
[DALE PLAYING FUNKY
"CHICKAWAWA" MUSIC IN ALLEY]
210
00:09:08,198 --> 00:09:09,908
Ah. Good.
Boomhauer's home.
211
00:09:09,991 --> 00:09:12,577
Uh... I feel like
going out to the alley.
212
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:19,793
- Hey, Bobby!
- [SCREAMS]
213
00:09:19,918 --> 00:09:22,754
I got these for the three of us
for the Christmas photo.
214
00:09:22,921 --> 00:09:25,298
Okay.
215
00:09:31,721 --> 00:09:35,141
So, tell me -- what happened
in school today, huh?
216
00:09:35,266 --> 00:09:36,810
How are you feeling?
217
00:09:36,893 --> 00:09:38,979
Uh, okay.
218
00:09:39,104 --> 00:09:41,856
Oh! [LAUGHS]
It was classic.
219
00:09:41,940 --> 00:09:43,149
In gym class,
220
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:45,986
I made a fart noise
with a deflated volleyball
221
00:09:46,069 --> 00:09:48,947
and people thought
it was Coach Kleehammer!
222
00:09:49,072 --> 00:09:51,032
No, no, no, Bobby, that's good,
223
00:09:51,108 --> 00:09:54,152
but what I want to know about,
honey, are your feelings.
224
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:54,911
Huh?
225
00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:55,996
You know,
226
00:09:56,079 --> 00:09:58,790
do you feel misunderstood,
isolated?
227
00:09:58,873 --> 00:10:01,042
Do you feel like
people don't like you?
228
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:03,294
What do you mean
people don't like me?!
229
00:10:03,378 --> 00:10:06,131
I was the one who
made the fart noise!
230
00:10:06,297 --> 00:10:07,257
Bobby...
231
00:10:07,382 --> 00:10:09,718
I would like to share
an excerpt from my diary,
232
00:10:09,801 --> 00:10:12,804
as I no longer want us
to have any secrets.
233
00:10:12,929 --> 00:10:14,931
No, no, that's okay.
234
00:10:15,056 --> 00:10:16,307
"Dear Diary,
235
00:10:16,474 --> 00:10:18,727
Bobby's eyebrows
have sill not grown in.
236
00:10:18,810 --> 00:10:20,061
It is disturbing."
237
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:21,479
Mom!
238
00:10:21,563 --> 00:10:23,398
[GROANS]
239
00:10:26,151 --> 00:10:29,320
I want my sideburns
to be even for Ron's picture.
240
00:10:29,487 --> 00:10:32,449
I'm gonna need you to hold
the laser level as I shave.
241
00:10:32,574 --> 00:10:34,492
Is there anything on you
you'd like level?
242
00:10:34,576 --> 00:10:36,036
No, thank you.
243
00:10:36,119 --> 00:10:37,287
[EXCLAIMS]
244
00:10:37,454 --> 00:10:38,955
Close the door!
245
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,124
Hank, there are no doors.
246
00:10:41,291 --> 00:10:43,043
What?! No!
247
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:45,170
Only when we take down
our inner doors
248
00:10:45,295 --> 00:10:48,298
can we put them back up
and then not use them.
249
00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:51,009
So, let me get this straight:
250
00:10:51,134 --> 00:10:52,927
To keep Bobby from running away,
251
00:10:53,011 --> 00:10:55,263
you have to do your business
in front of me?
252
00:10:55,430 --> 00:10:56,890
It's the only way.
253
00:10:57,182 --> 00:10:59,017
How did you even do that?
254
00:10:59,142 --> 00:11:00,226
[BOBBY SCREAMS]
255
00:11:00,310 --> 00:11:03,521
I'm trying to take a shower
and there's no curtain!
256
00:11:03,646 --> 00:11:05,023
Come on!
257
00:11:05,106 --> 00:11:06,524
[QUIET GROAN]
258
00:11:11,988 --> 00:11:15,366
First one to breakfast
gets to sit on my lap!
259
00:11:33,468 --> 00:11:35,428
Oh, no.
260
00:11:40,308 --> 00:11:42,310
Why are you wearing
your pajamas?
261
00:11:42,393 --> 00:11:44,270
I had to get dressed in a hurry.
262
00:11:44,354 --> 00:11:46,981
There's no doors in my house!
263
00:12:05,375 --> 00:12:07,085
[SIGHS]
264
00:12:11,589 --> 00:12:13,466
[PHONE RINGING]
265
00:12:15,343 --> 00:12:16,219
Yello.
266
00:12:16,344 --> 00:12:18,847
This is a recording of Ron.
267
00:12:18,930 --> 00:12:22,350
We're calling to confirm your
photo shoot with Ron at:
268
00:12:22,433 --> 00:12:23,977
WOMAN:
Today at 5:00 p.m.
269
00:12:24,102 --> 00:12:25,311
What?! Today?!
270
00:12:25,395 --> 00:12:27,188
No, I thought it was tomorrow.
271
00:12:27,272 --> 00:12:28,481
Hello? Help!
272
00:12:28,565 --> 00:12:30,525
Somebody, please... hello?!
273
00:12:38,116 --> 00:12:39,868
[PHONE RINGING]
274
00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:44,956
Hank,
275
00:12:45,123 --> 00:12:46,708
I need you to go on
276
00:12:46,875 --> 00:12:49,335
a propane run for us now.
277
00:12:55,425 --> 00:12:57,302
I'd love to, sir.
278
00:13:01,598 --> 00:13:02,974
[PHONE RINGING]
279
00:13:05,435 --> 00:13:07,312
Can I hang out with
you for awhile?
280
00:13:07,395 --> 00:13:08,813
You can if you want,
281
00:13:08,897 --> 00:13:10,815
but my dad's been
testing Tasers,
282
00:13:10,899 --> 00:13:12,734
so you really have to watch out.
283
00:13:12,817 --> 00:13:14,360
I'll take my chances.
284
00:13:14,444 --> 00:13:16,613
[PHONE CONTINUES RINGING]
285
00:13:33,254 --> 00:13:35,632
You have 30 seconds
until this appointment is over.
286
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:38,092
At 5:30, I'm taking a picture.
287
00:13:42,972 --> 00:13:45,683
20 seconds.
288
00:13:45,892 --> 00:13:49,103
I'm so sorry, I do not know
how this could've happened.
289
00:13:50,813 --> 00:13:52,273
They should be here.
290
00:13:53,191 --> 00:13:55,193
That is your picture.
Goodbye.
291
00:13:55,276 --> 00:13:56,319
Next!
292
00:14:10,124 --> 00:14:11,417
Well, here it is.
293
00:14:13,169 --> 00:14:15,505
We didn't know about the mix-up
until it was too late.
294
00:14:15,630 --> 00:14:16,881
We'll just reschedule.
295
00:14:17,048 --> 00:14:19,425
Ron is booked up;
we can't reschedule.
296
00:14:19,550 --> 00:14:20,969
Didn't you see the board?
297
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:23,513
I even used those freaking
High School Musical magnets
298
00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:24,889
you love so much.
299
00:14:25,014 --> 00:14:26,975
Neither of us came home in time.
300
00:14:27,183 --> 00:14:28,393
I don't understand.
301
00:14:28,476 --> 00:14:30,478
I called, I left messages...
302
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,355
Hank, where is your cell phone?
303
00:14:32,563 --> 00:14:34,607
Uh... it's in my desk at work.
304
00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:36,234
But how are you going
to get my calls?
305
00:14:36,317 --> 00:14:37,360
Bobby, where's your phone?
306
00:14:37,527 --> 00:14:41,114
Uh, it's in my desk at work?
307
00:14:42,573 --> 00:14:46,411
Oh, my gosh, you did not
want to get my calls.
308
00:14:46,494 --> 00:14:48,204
You were both avoiding me.
309
00:14:48,371 --> 00:14:49,372
[SIGHS WEARILY]
310
00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:52,375
It's all the extra attention
and sharing and whatnot.
311
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,002
We felt a little...
312
00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:56,004
claustrophobic.
313
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:58,965
Yeah! I've even had dreams
that I was a little bunny,
314
00:14:59,048 --> 00:15:02,176
and you petted me and petted me
and petted me
315
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:04,220
until you broke my neck.
316
00:15:05,013 --> 00:15:07,473
Oh, I see.
317
00:15:07,598 --> 00:15:09,851
I just wanted us to be closer.
318
00:15:10,018 --> 00:15:11,394
Yeah, I know.
319
00:15:11,561 --> 00:15:13,813
Well, I have errands to run.
320
00:15:13,896 --> 00:15:16,024
I will not bother
to tell you where I am going,
321
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:17,650
since it does not matter.
322
00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:27,952
I sure hate to see
Peggy so upset.
323
00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:30,163
Dang it, somebody should
invent a pill
324
00:15:30,288 --> 00:15:31,831
that just makes you happy.
325
00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:34,167
? Hank needs a happy pill ?
326
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:37,003
? Why won't someone make that? ?
327
00:15:37,086 --> 00:15:38,129
It's not a pill,
328
00:15:38,296 --> 00:15:39,756
but I make something
in my bathtub
329
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:41,049
that'll make you happy.
330
00:15:41,215 --> 00:15:42,717
You know, none
of this would've happened
331
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,720
if it wasn't for that
family expert jackass.
332
00:15:45,887 --> 00:15:47,722
You mean, Stephens Davies?
333
00:15:47,889 --> 00:15:49,265
That guy's amazing!
334
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:52,310
His theories, his sense
of style, the whole thing.
335
00:15:52,435 --> 00:15:54,645
I wish I could go
to his book signing today.
336
00:15:54,812 --> 00:15:55,897
A book signing?
337
00:15:56,022 --> 00:15:57,440
Yeah, at the Arlen Mall.
338
00:15:57,523 --> 00:16:00,318
I'd go, but I'm pretty busy
writing this musical.
339
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:01,486
Huh.
340
00:16:01,569 --> 00:16:04,530
I think I'll go down there,
get that guy to call Peggy,
341
00:16:04,614 --> 00:16:06,741
and fix all the problems
he caused.
342
00:16:06,949 --> 00:16:08,993
? Hank's going to the bookstore ?
343
00:16:09,118 --> 00:16:10,953
? He's going to save the day ?
344
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:12,155
? Save the day ?
345
00:16:12,246 --> 00:16:13,539
? 'Cause that's where what he does ?
346
00:16:13,623 --> 00:16:14,791
BOTH:
? Save the day ?
347
00:16:14,916 --> 00:16:16,042
? Save the day! ?
348
00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:21,798
Sorry I was such
a lame lab partner today.
349
00:16:21,923 --> 00:16:23,216
It's okay.
350
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:27,345
I just feel so bad about
hurting my mom's feelings.
351
00:16:27,929 --> 00:16:29,931
Ah... I've got it
352
00:16:30,098 --> 00:16:32,725
I'll just go down and beg
for a new appointment.
353
00:16:32,850 --> 00:16:34,685
I'm adorable when I beg.
354
00:16:34,852 --> 00:16:36,979
If that doesn't work,
start crying.
355
00:16:37,105 --> 00:16:38,481
It works for my dad.
356
00:16:47,281 --> 00:16:48,491
I need to return these.
357
00:16:48,616 --> 00:16:50,743
I am no longer in
the Christmas spirit.
358
00:17:03,131 --> 00:17:05,800
Sir, Mr. Davies isn't signing
any personal items.
359
00:17:05,967 --> 00:17:07,718
You have to buy his
book and wait in line.
360
00:17:07,844 --> 00:17:09,011
[SIGHS]
361
00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:11,305
All right, fine.
362
00:17:14,517 --> 00:17:15,893
There you are!
363
00:17:16,060 --> 00:17:17,186
Mr. Ron?
364
00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:18,354
Speaking.
365
00:17:18,563 --> 00:17:21,441
My family missed our
appointment yesterday
366
00:17:21,524 --> 00:17:23,860
and my mom's really upset.
367
00:17:24,026 --> 00:17:26,070
Is there any way you
can squeeze us in?
368
00:17:26,237 --> 00:17:29,824
This photo means a lot to her,
and she means a lot to me.
369
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,075
Please.
370
00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:33,286
You know, I shoot
families all the time
371
00:17:33,369 --> 00:17:34,871
who I know hate each other.
372
00:17:34,996 --> 00:17:36,706
It's nice to see there
are some out there
373
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:38,583
who have real love and
devotion between them.
374
00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:40,835
Reminds me of I got into
this business.
375
00:17:41,002 --> 00:17:43,212
So, you'll give us
a new appointment?!
376
00:17:43,379 --> 00:17:45,298
No, no, no -- there's nothing
I can do. Sorry.
377
00:17:48,259 --> 00:17:50,303
[SOBBING]
378
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:54,056
Oh, please!
379
00:17:54,182 --> 00:17:55,558
No.
380
00:18:02,356 --> 00:18:03,691
Oh!
381
00:18:08,863 --> 00:18:10,323
And the name is?
382
00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:11,657
Hank Hill.
383
00:18:11,741 --> 00:18:14,160
I'm the husband of Peggy Hill.
384
00:18:14,368 --> 00:18:15,828
I can't do two names
on one book.
385
00:18:15,912 --> 00:18:16,996
You need to buy another.
386
00:18:17,205 --> 00:18:18,789
Look, you and your got-dang book
387
00:18:18,915 --> 00:18:21,459
have upset my family,
and now you're gonna fix it.
388
00:18:21,626 --> 00:18:22,543
- [GASPS]
- Oh!
389
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:26,297
Security!
390
00:18:30,718 --> 00:18:33,179
You are gonna call my wife
and tell her that she is
391
00:18:33,304 --> 00:18:35,389
a good mother and
we have a good family.
392
00:18:35,473 --> 00:18:37,391
Use this --
it's like a Bat Phone --
393
00:18:37,475 --> 00:18:38,976
it'll go right to her.
394
00:18:39,143 --> 00:18:41,062
Grip it!
Why don't you grip it?!
395
00:18:41,270 --> 00:18:43,022
I'm not going to tell you again!
396
00:18:43,105 --> 00:18:45,650
Now take the phone,
and make the dang call!
397
00:18:47,276 --> 00:18:49,529
Hank?!
What are you doing?
398
00:18:49,737 --> 00:18:50,696
Peggy?!
399
00:18:50,821 --> 00:18:52,615
Aw, dang it!
There he goes.
400
00:18:52,823 --> 00:18:54,492
I was trying to get your expert
401
00:18:54,617 --> 00:18:56,619
to tell you that
everything was okay.
402
00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:57,870
BOBBY:
Mom!
403
00:18:57,954 --> 00:18:59,914
Bobby, what are you doing here?
404
00:19:00,081 --> 00:19:02,166
I tried to get Ron
to reschedule.
405
00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:03,793
I even cried!
406
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:05,419
I was faking it at first,
407
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,421
and then
I started crying real tears,
408
00:19:07,505 --> 00:19:10,341
thinking about how important
this was to you...
409
00:19:10,466 --> 00:19:12,677
[SOBBING]
I'm doing it again!
410
00:19:14,929 --> 00:19:18,808
You are a wonderful husband
and a wonderful son --
411
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:21,269
and we are a wonderful family.
412
00:19:21,352 --> 00:19:23,938
And I don't need
a picture to prove if.
413
00:19:24,105 --> 00:19:25,189
[SIGHS]
414
00:19:25,273 --> 00:19:27,275
But it would've been nice.
415
00:19:28,693 --> 00:19:31,112
The Dooleys?!
416
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,781
Dang it, we're a better
family than they are!
417
00:19:33,864 --> 00:19:36,867
We deserve to have our
picture taken with Ron!
418
00:19:38,286 --> 00:19:41,205
In fact,
Ron will take our picture.
419
00:19:41,289 --> 00:19:43,374
We just have to work together.
420
00:19:47,044 --> 00:19:48,921
Well, hello, Melinda.
421
00:19:49,797 --> 00:19:50,840
Peggy.
422
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:52,717
I see you found your son.
423
00:19:52,842 --> 00:19:53,968
We were all worried.
424
00:19:54,135 --> 00:19:55,261
Sarcasm.
425
00:19:55,344 --> 00:19:57,972
Well, two can play at that game.
426
00:19:58,055 --> 00:19:59,307
Cute baby.
427
00:19:59,724 --> 00:20:01,684
Sorry we can't stay and chat.
428
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:04,562
We have an appointment with Ron.
429
00:20:05,354 --> 00:20:07,815
I have three months'
allowance saved up.
430
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:12,403
It's all yours, if you just
run away for a little while.
431
00:20:12,486 --> 00:20:14,739
You have an hour.
432
00:20:19,035 --> 00:20:20,077
Hey, Tim.
433
00:20:20,202 --> 00:20:22,872
How's, uh...
how's your boy?
434
00:20:27,043 --> 00:20:28,836
Dooley!
435
00:20:31,714 --> 00:20:33,174
The Dooleys, please?
436
00:20:33,257 --> 00:20:34,467
HANK:
Uh, yes.
437
00:20:34,592 --> 00:20:36,427
We are the Dooleys.
438
00:20:36,552 --> 00:20:38,512
Ron will see you now.
439
00:20:41,432 --> 00:20:43,476
Which background should we use?
440
00:20:43,601 --> 00:20:47,146
It doesn't matter where we are,
as long as we are together...
441
00:20:47,271 --> 00:20:48,648
in the Alps.
442
00:20:53,736 --> 00:20:55,946
Okay, now get closer.
443
00:20:56,072 --> 00:20:58,157
Father, put your arm
around Mother.
444
00:21:00,117 --> 00:21:01,369
You know what?
445
00:21:01,452 --> 00:21:04,830
We are fine just the way we are.
446
00:21:51,544 --> 00:21:54,046
PEGGY: First one to
breakfast gets to sit on my lap!
447
00:21:54,096 --> 00:21:58,646
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