All language subtitles for King of the Hill s12e13 The Accidental Terrorist.eng

Ladybird,

stop licking my money.

Dad, guess what?

I finally saved enough money

to buy a brand-new Game Station.

Your first major purchase.
Congratulations, Bobby.

If you want, I can take you down
to Jensen's Electronics World.

That's okay.

I was looking on eBay

and GadgetChamp seems to
have the best price.

They sell your e-mail address

and pass the savings on to you.

Bobby, you can't make
major purchases

from a stranger on the Internet.

If your game breaks down,

do you think the GadgetChamp's
gonna come fix it?

I don't know.

Well I do. He won't.

Son, business is like life.

You have to find
people you trust

and stay loyal to 'em.

That's why I have a guy

for about every purchase I make.

Phil Wilkerson for my insurance.

Bill Honnell for my tools,

Eddie Holcomb for my...

The car died, again.

Luckily Bill was right behind me
when it happened

so he gave me a lift.

Huh. He was
behind you

the last time it broke down.

Well, that's lucky.

I-- I guess.

I need a new car, Hank.

[SIGHS]
Well, all right.

At least I get to take Bobby
to see my car guy, Tom Hammond.

Son, I'm gonna show you
the right way to buy.

Okay.

[CAR HORN HONKING]

I don'! need to go anywhere
else, Bill!

- [DOG BARKING]
- [HANK SIGHING]

Why don't they make
brown cars anymore?

This is it!

Hank, I think I found my car.

[CHUCKLES]
A convertible?

[LAUGHING]
That's pretty funny, Peggy.

Uh... Oh.

It's my choice, right, Hank?

Well, if I were you, I'd go big.

A towering SUV says
strength, power,

and in some subcultures
of America,

potent fertility.

[CLEARS THROAT]
Uh...

Peggy wants a convertible.

She knows you're
a heterosexual, right?

It's Peggy's car.

It's not like
I'd ever be driving it.

But it'll be in, your driveway.

Uh, I hadn't considered that.

Oh, good Lord.

You see Bobby,
when you're a loyal customer

of an established brick
and mortar business,

you can trust that
you're getting the best deal,

on a car with a roof.

Apparently boring comes
standard on these models.

Hank, these are just
not doing it for me.

Well, don't rush it.

Consider all the factors,
including safety.

MAN:
Hank Hill, is that you?

Well, get your butt over here.

Well, looks like
I've been spotted.

Better go get my hellos
out of the way.

Shall I box that up for you

or would you rather
wear it home?

Oh, I'd love to.

But unfortunately,

my husband doesn't want me
to buy a convertible.

I bet your husband
doesn't want you

to vote either, does he?

I'll tell you what.

Why don't you come on in

and see what the
21st century feels like?

[AIR BLOWING]

Oh, yeah!
I'll take it!

Well, you know normally I would
never let you ride on a lift like this,

but since you're riding
with Charlie,

I know you're in good hands.

Okay, ride's over, Bobby.

Let's go buy a car.

All right!

Lower me down, Charlie.

Just sign by the X's,
and this baby's all yours.

Should I be doing this?

A carefree convertible
owner would say yes.

So...

yes!

Mmm. I'm sorry, but
this is sticker price.

Which according to my
research is way too high.

[LAUGHS]
You girls.

What, what crazy research
is that?

A combination of Internet,
phone calls,

and what I like to call,
my horse sense.

So let's talk business.

Well, all right.
How about this?

That is close.

But this...

is closer.

Hey, Hank.

Hey, Mr. Draper.

Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

Boy, you wore me down, Peggy.

Justin time. I was getting
ready to pretend to walk out.

Okay, just sign by the
X's and it's all yours.

Peggy?

Tom?

What's going on here?

I was buying a convertible.

What?

Hank Hill, you son of a gun.

Why, I didn't know
Peggy was your wife.

Good to see you, partner.

Well, it's good to see you, Tom.

I just wish it was
under happier circumstance.

Oh, I'm sorry, I just got caught
up in the moment.

I guess because I just
wanted it so bad.

I'll go look at sedans.

Mr. Hammond,
do you have any brown ones?

Well, now, hold on.
You know what, Peggy?

If you really want
this car that bad,

then, well,
then you should have it.

Really?

Yep. Why don't
you go get some water

and let me and Tom finish up
this deal?

Thank you, Hank! I got him
down to a really good price.

Well, I'm sure you did.

Bobby, I'd like you
to meet Tom Hammond.

My dad loves you so much!

[SIREN BLARING]

MAN:
He did it again!

WOMAN:
All right!

Congratulations, Peggy!

You should have been
in there, Mom.

They told stories, shook hands,

and then we got a new car.

Now just remember
not to tell anyone

about the deal I just gave you.

This is the highest
clearance, Hank.

I know, level ten.

Okay, since you're family,

I think it's time I let you
both in on a little secret.

Well, here it is,

the Hank Hill special.

Wait, that can't be right.

That would mean
you paid sticker price.

And not a dime more.
Right, Bobby?

Right, Dad.

Well, I'll see you both at home.

- Way to go!
- Congratulations!

[SIGHS]

[WOMEN SCREAMING]
I love it!

What's the matter, Peggy Hill?

You don't like car?

You should, it better than mine.

No, I love the car. Bobby,

you can practice
your parade wave later.

- Run inside.
- Okay.

Oh, this must be juicy.
What is it?

It's not the car.

It's the price
that Hank paid for it.

Hank got his "special deal,"
right?

Dale always talks about
Hank's special deal.

He talks a lot about Hank.

Well, as it turns out,

his "special deal" is really
just sticker price.

Sticker price?

[LAUGHING]
No one pay sticker price.

You have to tell Hank Hill
he's a chump.

You can't let him keep getting
ripped off.

Oh, you can never
tell Hank, sug'.

Can you imagine what
he'd do if he found out

his friend's been lying
to him for 25 years?

Nancy's right.

It could get ugly.

That forehead vein
finally gonna go.

I guess I will just have to take
this to my grave.

And since I know things
about each of you,

I expect you to do the same.

Redcorn...

[PEGGY SPEAKING LAOTIAN]

Where are you going?

We're going to get
my Game Station

from Dad's electronics guy.

You have an electronics
guy, too?

Don't you shop around
for anything?

I mean, the new dishwasher,
you shopped around for that, right?

Well, I let Jerry Biddle
at The Appliance Center

do my comparative
shopping for me.

He said he personally checked
every store in Heimlich County

and couldn't find anyone
that could beat his deal.

Fantastic.

Hello, neighbors!

So, Hank, I hear
you bought new car.

Expensive, new car.

Oh, look, it's Ted Wassonasong.

Ted? Where you see Ted?

Hello, Uncle Hank.

Is Aunt Peggy home?

She's supposed to go with me
to buy a crib.

I want it to be as much
like my uterus as possible.

You should take Dad with you.

He just bought Mom's car

for sticker price
and not a dime more.

- Sticker price?
- Oh, no!

Dang it, Bobby, that was
supposed to be a secret.

But Lucky always says that
people who pay sticker price...

Okay, now, I will tell a secret.

I have to use prescription
deodorant!

KAHN:
Sticker price?

Everyone knows sticker price
is the sucker price.

You're a sucker, Hank Hill!

Okay, what's going on, Peggy?

[SIGHS]

Everyone out.

[LAUGHS]

How much you pay for this pen,
Hank Hill?

Hank, I do not know
an easy way to say this,

so, I guess I will just say it

the slow and painful way.

No one pays sticker price.

Tom Hammond ripped you off

and has been ripping you off
for the last 25 years.

What?

The price I was
gonna pay for that car

was $2,500 lower

than your "special deal."

You overpaid for that car,

and probably every car

that you've ever bought
from him.

So, you're looking to
buy a car, are you?

Uh, yes, sir.

But, uh, this is my first car,

so I don't really know
what I'm doing.

You see the price
on that sticker?

Well, that's the price
you're gonna pay for this car.

Not a dime more for
the football star.

Wow! Well, thank you.

Now, you've got
to promise me you won't go

telling anybody
about the deal I just gave you.

- Yup.
- Yup.

Mm-hmm.

I'm a chump.

There, I said it.

That's it, as your friend,

I have no choice but to put you

on an immediate
suicide watch, Hank.

I'm not going to kill myself.

Then I'm putting you
homicide watch,

because you're gonna kill
something,

and if it's not yourself,
it could be me.

It seems like it's
all good, man.

Next thing you know them
dang ol' reporter come by

talking 'bout, "Well, Hank
always seemed like

a very quiet man,
you know."

Gun!

MAN [ON TV]:
You, too, can be rich like

Dr. Money and have
champagne for breakfast.

And caviar for your cats.

How much return do you want
for your investment?

Maybe it's a good thing
this all happened, Hank.

[TV CLICKS OFF]

Bobby should
know how things really work.

Now at least when
the world crushes him,

he'll see it coming.

But I don't
want the boy thinking

the world is a dishonest place.

But sometimes it is.

[VIDEO GAME NOISES]

[SIGHS]

Come here, son. It's time I told
you how the world really works.

If you don't mind I'm gonna take
your wallet,

push you to the ground,
and then kick you in the gut.

Um, okay.

No, no, dang it.

It doesn't have to be this way.

I'm gonna go see
that bastard Tom Hammond.

[DOOR OPENS]

Oh, no! Hank Hill, wh--
not two times in one month.

Have mercy, man, I've got
a mortgage, for God's sake.

Stop it, Tom.

It's all over.
I know.

Y-You know what, buddy?

That you've been selling me
a bag of lies

for the last 25 years.

How could you, Tom?

Well, what can I say, Hank?
I'm a salesman.

I know, you're a salesman.

That's why none of this
makes any sense.

Look, I just want
the $2,500 back

that I overpaid for Peggy's car.

I wish I could help you, Hank,

but the paperwork's
already gone through.

The deal's official.

Dang it, Tom!

You not only lied to me,
you lied to my son.

How would your son feel

if he came home from
the Army and he--

Wait a second.

Is your boy even in the Army?

Mm, my boy's
a stand-up comedian.

In Austin.

But a deal's a deal, Hank.

I don't believe this.

You know what, Tom? I'm going
to teach you what loyalty means.

Mark my words.

[COPY MACHINE HUMMING]

Ain't it the truth?

Yes, it is.
And I'm telling you right now,

that Tom Hammond
has got to be stopped.

I know! I did a whole
term paper on the damage

people like Tom Hammond
are doing to the world.

Well, there is no way
I'm letting Tom Hammond

make this world a place that
don't want my son to live in.

I want to join your fight.

Well, all right. You can meet me
at the car lot at 5:00 a.m.

5:00 a.m.?

Okay.

- [WHISPERING] Hey.
- Bah!

It's me, Alex
from the copy store.

Who's that?

And why are they crawling?

That's Falcon and Sparrow,
my friends.

Man, we're so stoked!

We had so much fun coming up
with code names last night.

It feels so good
to finally be doing something.

Well, that's right,
it sure does.

Would have been better if you
guys had been on time, though.

Now I've got to go
get ready for work.

We weren't late. We were hitting
the other side of the dealership.

Oh, well, that's great.

Well, I guess our
work here is done.

If you guys ever need
any propane, look me up.

Propane?

Aww, that would have been great!

Next time.

Yep, Bobby, right about now,

the dealership should
be opening up.

[CHUCKLES]
I'd love to see Tom scrambling

to take all those flyers
off the cars

before the customers get there.

Ooh, I'd love to see
that cheater's face!

Well, I am just glad you did not
drive my car through his ass.

I didn't know how
you were going to do that,

but you sounded serious.

So how's your morning
going, Hank?

Pretty darn good,
I tell ya what, and yours, Dale?

Well, Joseph went to his first
sleepover last night.

Didn't go so well;
he's a cuddler.

So I had to go pick him up.

Hmm, sorry to hear that.

Not done. On our way home,
we saw an explosion coming

from Tom Hammond's car lot.

Then we saw what
looked like your truck

driving away from the lot.

What?!

So why'd you do it, Hank?

And more importantly how,

because it looked
like a really good job.

Oh, Hank!

You must cover your tracks.

[WHISPERING]
We'll have to kill Dale.

There's nothing to cover up.

I didn't blow up anything.

I was just passing out flyers.

Dad, I'm confused.

So you should trust people
until they betray you,

and then try to blow 'em up?

- Yes!
- No, Bobby!

I wasn't trying
to blow people up.

I was just putting flyers
on the cars.

Alex and his friend, the Falcon,

must have done it after I left.

Okay, okay.

So you did not blow up the cars.

You were just
a disgruntled customer

hanging out with someone
named the Falcon.

Now, if that's the story
we're going with,

that the story I will memorize.

It's not a story, Peggy!

It's the truth.

I'm gonna go talk to the police
and straighten this out.

Excuse me, do you remember
a tall, sickly looking kid

with one of those
mustache beards

who was in here last night?

You mean him?

- No, that's not him.
- Him?

Or him?

Sir, we got
a liberal arts college

and a halfway house
down the road.

You've got to be more specific.

So, Mr. Hill,
how many sickly kids

did you say helped
you blow up the lot?

Three. Wait, they didn't help me
blow up the lot.

They did it by themselves.

So you were just the ringleader?

No, I told you I didn't
blow up anything.

Wait, am I a suspect?

[SOTTO VOCE] Tell him no
or he could lawyer up.

MAN [OVER RADIO]:
Frank,

the video surveillance
has been checked.

We have a positive ID
on the perp.

The name's Hank Hill.

You probably heard that.

I was just putting
flyers on the cars.

The other guys were the ones
blowing up the cars.

By "other guys" you mean
the imaginary kids

the cameras just happened
to not pick up?

The cameras didn't pick 'em up

because they were dressed
in all black and most of the time

they were crawling around
on their bellies.

I'll give it
to you straight, Hank.

You're looking
at major time for this.

And the hole's getting deeper
with every lie you tell.

That's not my husband!

[SOTTO VOCE]
What's my next line?

I'm blanking, Hank.

Okay, enough.

It is me on the tape.

Goodbye, Hank!

But I swear to you
I did not blow up any cars.

I was just putting flyers
on the cars

because I wanted
other people to know

Tom Hammond has been taking
advantage of...

Stop right there, Hank.

Well, speak of the devil,
and Charlie, too.

Officer Brown, that's
the lying, cheating man

you should be arresting.

I know you're mad, Hank,

but I didn't think you'd be
mad enough to torch my lot.

The only thing I'm guilty of
is trusting you.

Well, I'll tell you one thing. I may
go to jail, but I've zipped my lips

for the last time.

J.B., I've been in business

with Hank Hill for 25 years.

If he says he didn't do it,

then by God, he didn't do it.

Can we at least watch
the rest of the tape, Tom?

Do you know how many
strings I had to pull

to get the conference room
with the VCR?

There's no need.
Now I'm not pressing charges.

Hank's the most honest man
I know.

If he looks you in the eye,
and shakes your hand

and tells you he didn't do
something, then he didn't do it.

So what say we just
leave this all behind us, Hank?

Let's go home, Peggy.

You really believe
he's innocent, Tom?

Hell, no. But, I know Hank.
He will not let this die.

He'd fight us all the way.

Hell, he'd be up at
the Supreme Court

telling Judge Scalia that
I gouge my damn customers.

Do you know what that
could do to my business?

It ain't worth it.

I sold that man five
cars at sticker price.

All in all it was
a pretty good run.

Hey, I'm Chet Haddock.
What can I do for you?

Hi, Chet, my name's Hank Hill.

That name sounds familiar.

[NO AUDIO]

Oh, right.

Uh, how can I help you, sir?

By helping my son.

Hey, Chet, I'm Bobby Hill,

and I'm interested
in buying a Game Station.

Is this the best price
you can give me?

After I take another ten--

No, no, 20% off, it will be.

Chet, looks like you're gonna be
my electronics guy.

BOOMHAUER: Hank always
seemed like a very quiet man, you know.

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