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1
00:00:31,682 --> 00:00:34,059
? Happy, happy, happy, happy ?
2
00:00:34,226 --> 00:00:35,894
? Sugarfoot's birthday, yay! ?
3
00:00:36,019 --> 00:00:36,895
? Yay! ?
4
00:00:39,815 --> 00:00:42,734
Oh, Luanne, this is the best
half-birthday ever.
5
00:00:42,818 --> 00:00:43,652
HANK:
Wait.
6
00:00:43,861 --> 00:00:45,779
It's not even
your real birthday?
7
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:47,698
My people die young, Uncle Hank.
8
00:00:47,823 --> 00:00:50,451
I gotta get in
all the celebrating I can.
9
00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:52,870
KAHN: You guys
gonna love this place.
10
00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:54,329
It's down home.
11
00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:56,832
Yes, since you gentlemen
came all the way
12
00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:58,542
from New York to
discuss business,
13
00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:01,503
I thought you might enjoy
some authentic Texas barbecue.
14
00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:03,714
Yeah, we figure
you come to the zoo,
15
00:01:03,839 --> 00:01:05,382
you want to see the animals.
16
00:01:05,757 --> 00:01:07,009
Hush puppies,
17
00:01:07,092 --> 00:01:09,261
double shortenin' biscuits,
batter fries...
18
00:01:09,344 --> 00:01:10,804
Not exactly health food.
19
00:01:11,013 --> 00:01:13,348
Yeah, do they fry everything
down here?
20
00:01:13,515 --> 00:01:14,683
Wait.
21
00:01:14,892 --> 00:01:17,895
I don't see a "no trans fat"
sticker on this menu.
22
00:01:18,061 --> 00:01:20,772
Do you people actually
still use trans fats?
23
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:23,192
Most cosmopolitan
cities in America
24
00:01:23,358 --> 00:01:24,610
have banned those.
25
00:01:24,693 --> 00:01:26,195
Even Philadelphia.
26
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:29,156
Yeah, I bet they still
have an operator.
27
00:01:29,281 --> 00:01:31,366
"Hello, I'd like to place a call
28
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:33,702
to Hillbilly 77803."
29
00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:34,995
[BOTH LAUGH]
30
00:01:39,917 --> 00:01:41,835
NANCY [ON TV]:
This is Nancy Hicks-Gribble.
31
00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:43,587
Is Arlen too fat?
32
00:01:43,712 --> 00:01:46,423
Local civic leader
Ted Wassonasong thinks so,
33
00:01:46,632 --> 00:01:48,175
and this tastefully-cropped
video
34
00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:50,302
is a shocking wake-up call.
35
00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:53,347
That is why I am bringing
a bill to the city council
36
00:01:53,430 --> 00:01:56,975
to ban the sale of food
cooked in trans fat.
37
00:01:57,184 --> 00:01:57,893
What?
38
00:01:58,018 --> 00:01:59,561
This is outrageous!
39
00:02:00,395 --> 00:02:02,105
What's a trans fat?
40
00:02:02,272 --> 00:02:04,650
It's what people put in food
to make it delicious.
41
00:02:04,816 --> 00:02:06,527
But I love delicious food.
42
00:02:06,652 --> 00:02:08,445
Dad, you have to stop them.
43
00:02:08,612 --> 00:02:09,905
Oh, I intend to.
44
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,240
Don't worry, Bobby.
45
00:02:11,323 --> 00:02:14,493
We will eat potato chip chicken
again.
46
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:20,707
New York, Philadelphia,
47
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,834
Los Angeles, Arlen.
48
00:02:23,001 --> 00:02:24,711
What do these cities
have in common?
49
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,547
Right now, nothing.
50
00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:28,423
But they could share
51
00:02:28,590 --> 00:02:32,010
a future free from diabetes,
obesity, and heart disease.
52
00:02:32,094 --> 00:02:34,596
It is just this easy.
53
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:36,515
- Ah.
- Yeah.
54
00:02:36,682 --> 00:02:38,141
Uh, excuse me.
55
00:02:38,267 --> 00:02:39,184
Hank Hill.
56
00:02:39,351 --> 00:02:40,894
We know who you are.
57
00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:43,689
The last thing Arlen needs
is a food ban.
58
00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:46,567
Are you saying you are
for childhood obesity?
59
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:48,026
No, of course not.
60
00:02:48,235 --> 00:02:50,028
I'll have you know
my son is obese!
61
00:02:50,153 --> 00:02:51,863
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
Calm down.
62
00:02:51,989 --> 00:02:54,408
I'm not saying trans fats
are good for you,
63
00:02:54,533 --> 00:02:57,452
but banning them isn't gonna
solve all those problems.
64
00:02:57,536 --> 00:03:01,164
Tell that to that guy's
poor, pathetic fat kid!
65
00:03:03,208 --> 00:03:05,377
The government should not
be deciding
66
00:03:05,502 --> 00:03:07,421
what we have the right to eat.
67
00:03:07,546 --> 00:03:09,923
Besides, all sorts of foods
can make you sick.
68
00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:12,092
Rare burgers, raw oysters.
69
00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:15,762
If you ban trans fats, you might
as well ban that stuff, too.
70
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:17,180
Fantastic idea.
71
00:03:17,306 --> 00:03:19,766
Let's ban raw oysters
and rare burgers, too.
72
00:03:19,891 --> 00:03:21,226
No, no, that's not
what I'm trying to...
73
00:03:21,393 --> 00:03:22,269
All in favor...
74
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:23,353
ALL:
Aye!
75
00:03:24,146 --> 00:03:25,397
Super.
76
00:03:27,566 --> 00:03:29,943
This food ban is asinine!
77
00:03:30,152 --> 00:03:33,113
I wish the government
would just ban itself.
78
00:03:33,238 --> 00:03:35,324
Wrap your head
around that, fellas.
79
00:03:35,490 --> 00:03:37,826
I'm just glad the government
is keeping me safe.
80
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:40,954
Now, I can snack my way
to a healthier me.
81
00:03:41,079 --> 00:03:42,247
[MOANS]
82
00:03:42,372 --> 00:03:43,457
Delicious.
83
00:03:43,540 --> 00:03:45,208
And no trans fats.
84
00:03:45,334 --> 00:03:48,670
Bill, we've been down
this road before.
85
00:03:49,046 --> 00:03:50,464
[MOANS]
86
00:03:50,589 --> 00:03:51,840
Sugar-free!
87
00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:54,109
Light beer!
88
00:03:54,593 --> 00:03:56,553
40/30/30!
89
00:03:57,346 --> 00:03:59,973
You don't have to worry
about me anymore, Hank.
90
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:02,434
The government
is doing that now.
91
00:04:06,730 --> 00:04:08,190
Welp, they did it!
92
00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:10,692
- They killed Sugarfoot's.
- What?!
93
00:04:10,901 --> 00:04:12,986
Those food bans put us
right out of business.
94
00:04:13,111 --> 00:04:16,198
Turns out those trans fats were
in everything we served,
95
00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:17,366
even the mints.
96
00:04:17,532 --> 00:04:19,326
You can't close Sugarfoot's.
97
00:04:19,409 --> 00:04:21,161
It's an Arlen institution.
98
00:04:21,244 --> 00:04:22,954
Where are we gonna
celebrate our birthdays
99
00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:24,581
and sports victories?
100
00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:26,500
I don't know what else to do.
101
00:04:26,583 --> 00:04:28,877
I guess I could turn it
into a salad joint,
102
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:32,381
but sooner or later someone'll
use a spinach field as a toilet
103
00:04:32,464 --> 00:04:34,174
and I'll be back
in the same boat.
104
00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:36,510
Where am I gonna go
for my biscuits, honey?
105
00:04:36,593 --> 00:04:38,136
Or my corn fritters?
106
00:04:38,261 --> 00:04:40,681
I'd pay anything
for one last piece
107
00:04:40,764 --> 00:04:42,432
of Sugarfoot's fried chicken.
108
00:04:42,599 --> 00:04:44,017
Anything?
109
00:04:45,477 --> 00:04:47,646
This is wrong,
Mr. Strickland.
110
00:04:47,813 --> 00:04:49,648
You're the greatest
American I know.
111
00:04:49,731 --> 00:04:51,942
If anyone can fix this, you can.
112
00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:54,069
You're right, Hank.
113
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,612
I'm gonna mull this over
114
00:04:55,737 --> 00:04:58,407
and see if I can't come up
with a solution.
115
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:02,411
[SIGHS] Mr. Strickland
is mulling it over.
116
00:05:03,578 --> 00:05:05,831
[HORN PLAYING "LA CUCARACHA"]
What the...?
117
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:12,713
Hey, tight ride,
Mr. Strickland!
118
00:05:12,838 --> 00:05:13,964
I did it!
119
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:15,590
I solved our problem!
120
00:05:15,674 --> 00:05:17,092
Y-You bought a lunch truck?
121
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:20,512
And I rehired my crew
from Sugarfoot's.
122
00:05:20,637 --> 00:05:23,098
Now we can sell whatever kind
of food we want.
123
00:05:23,181 --> 00:05:25,392
We're in the illegal food
business!
124
00:05:25,851 --> 00:05:28,603
Eh, I'm not sure
that's a good idea.
125
00:05:28,812 --> 00:05:30,731
Nah, it's a great idea!
126
00:05:30,814 --> 00:05:33,358
I'll be just like Joe
Kennedy running whiskey
127
00:05:33,483 --> 00:05:35,068
during Prohibition.
128
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:39,823
Which helped him become the
father of a president.
129
00:05:40,031 --> 00:05:42,325
Well, I... I like the sound
of that.
130
00:05:42,451 --> 00:05:44,202
But you could get in
a lot of trouble.
131
00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:46,621
You said the food bans
were un-American.
132
00:05:46,705 --> 00:05:49,666
What's more American than
breaking an unjust law?
133
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:52,753
This is a fight
for freedom, Ol' Top!
134
00:05:55,297 --> 00:05:57,132
I'll do it.
135
00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:59,050
For America.
136
00:06:05,724 --> 00:06:07,768
[GRUNTS]
137
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:10,562
Doughnuts were one
of my little joys.
138
00:06:10,645 --> 00:06:12,981
If the government
takes away puppy breath
139
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:14,733
and really good yawns,
140
00:06:14,816 --> 00:06:16,735
I'll have nothing left
to live for.
141
00:06:16,860 --> 00:06:19,070
I might be late getting home
from work, Peggy.
142
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:22,282
Buck has me working
on a, uh, a side project
143
00:06:22,407 --> 00:06:26,119
that's not, uh,
technically, uh, legal.
144
00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:27,704
Go on.
145
00:06:27,871 --> 00:06:30,165
Well, I'm...
I'm driving a lunch truck.
146
00:06:30,248 --> 00:06:33,835
And, uh, we're gonna sell all
that stuff that the city banned.
147
00:06:34,044 --> 00:06:35,629
So you'll be a criminal.
148
00:06:35,712 --> 00:06:37,631
And I'll be the wife
of a criminal.
149
00:06:37,714 --> 00:06:38,673
Well, uh,
150
00:06:38,882 --> 00:06:40,926
I, I guess technically,
but, uh...
151
00:06:41,009 --> 00:06:44,930
And all the while we'll be
living a typical suburban life.
152
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:47,432
It's just like The Sopranos
commercials.
153
00:06:47,599 --> 00:06:49,184
It's not like that at all.
154
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:51,186
I'm trying to change the law.
155
00:06:51,269 --> 00:06:52,729
Of course you are.
156
00:06:52,854 --> 00:06:54,481
And good luck with that.
157
00:06:54,606 --> 00:06:56,650
You have a strong brow, Hank.
158
00:06:56,733 --> 00:06:58,527
I don't say that enough.
159
00:06:59,402 --> 00:07:01,363
[WHIRRING]
160
00:07:05,617 --> 00:07:07,953
Just a couple minutes
before we open.
161
00:07:08,119 --> 00:07:10,580
I think we're gonna change
a lot of minds today.
162
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:13,041
Elvin, how those biscuits
coming along?
163
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:16,795
They're gettin' golden brown.
164
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,531
They just about done,
Mr. Buck.
165
00:07:18,630 --> 00:07:20,090
I'll give 'em the poke test.
166
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:21,299
[SNEEZES]
167
00:07:21,424 --> 00:07:22,217
HANK:
Hold on.
168
00:07:22,384 --> 00:07:24,928
Okay, everybody, stop what
you're doing and gather 'round.
169
00:07:25,095 --> 00:07:27,639
Now, we're doing something
important here.
170
00:07:27,764 --> 00:07:30,559
This truck is a lone voice
crying out
171
00:07:30,725 --> 00:07:32,269
that the hardworking
people of Arlen
172
00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:34,396
should be able to eat
whatever they want.
173
00:07:34,521 --> 00:07:36,439
Our cause is righteous.
174
00:07:36,606 --> 00:07:39,109
But people are gonna look
for ways to demonize us.
175
00:07:39,234 --> 00:07:41,695
That's why
we have to do things right.
176
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:45,073
We have to be cleaner
and safer than the rest.
177
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:48,076
We have to refrigerate food
when not preparing it
178
00:07:48,159 --> 00:07:49,953
and wash our hands often.
179
00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:52,414
Now let's put on our hairnets
and paper hats
180
00:07:52,497 --> 00:07:54,374
and go out and sell
some freedom.
181
00:07:58,628 --> 00:07:59,880
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
182
00:08:02,449 --> 00:08:04,593
- What can I get you, sir?
- Burger.
183
00:08:04,676 --> 00:08:06,219
And how'd you like that cooked?
184
00:08:06,428 --> 00:08:07,846
I... I got a choice?
185
00:08:08,013 --> 00:08:10,056
Well, you do here, friend.
186
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:11,933
Hey, they've got all
the banned food in there.
187
00:08:12,142 --> 00:08:15,020
That's right. Remember to tell
your friends about us.
188
00:08:15,145 --> 00:08:17,856
Sugarfoot's Express --
the food you want
189
00:08:17,981 --> 00:08:21,026
at a price that reflects
the risk involved.
190
00:08:22,485 --> 00:08:23,486
Who's next?
191
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:31,661
[SIZZLING]
192
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:35,248
Order up, rare.
193
00:08:35,457 --> 00:08:37,834
Mr. Hank. Mr. Hank.
You best come on up here.
194
00:08:41,504 --> 00:08:43,465
Uh... hello, officer.
195
00:08:43,632 --> 00:08:46,092
I heard you've got
some interesting food here.
196
00:08:46,217 --> 00:08:48,470
Thought I better come down
and take a look.
197
00:08:48,637 --> 00:08:49,888
We're glad you did.
198
00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:53,058
Uh, we got fried chicken,
uh, fried okra,
199
00:08:53,183 --> 00:08:56,728
and a special side salad
for our boys in blue.
200
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,355
Mmm.
201
00:08:58,563 --> 00:09:01,900
Elvin, one bag of side salad
for Arlen's finest.
202
00:09:02,025 --> 00:09:04,486
With, uh, how about, uh, hmm...
203
00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:06,613
a 200 Island dressing.
204
00:09:06,738 --> 00:09:07,822
Mm.
205
00:09:07,906 --> 00:09:10,951
All right, you better
make that, uh, 300 Islands.
206
00:09:17,999 --> 00:09:19,834
Yummy.
207
00:09:20,919 --> 00:09:22,379
Well, how 'bout that?
208
00:09:22,462 --> 00:09:24,130
The cops are on our side.
209
00:09:24,255 --> 00:09:26,549
We must be making a difference.
210
00:09:29,219 --> 00:09:33,139
Oh, thank God, Sir Burger
stopped using trans fats.
211
00:09:35,433 --> 00:09:37,394
These fries really help me
212
00:09:37,519 --> 00:09:39,104
get through my energy crashes.
213
00:09:39,187 --> 00:09:41,022
I've been having a lot
of those lately.
214
00:09:41,098 --> 00:09:42,224
I can't take it!
215
00:09:42,399 --> 00:09:44,359
I'm dying for a raw oyster.
216
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:46,611
I never liked them before,
but now that they're contraband,
217
00:09:46,695 --> 00:09:48,029
I must have them.
218
00:09:50,615 --> 00:09:52,742
Uh, can you guys keep a secret?
219
00:09:52,909 --> 00:09:54,119
- You bet.
- Mostly.
220
00:09:55,370 --> 00:09:56,955
Buck and I have a truck
221
00:09:57,023 --> 00:09:59,109
that serves all the banned food.
222
00:09:59,290 --> 00:10:00,583
The secret lunch truck.
223
00:10:00,709 --> 00:10:02,627
Nancy's been trying
to get that on camera.
224
00:10:02,752 --> 00:10:04,170
I gotta go tell her.
225
00:10:04,462 --> 00:10:07,257
Uh, that's why I swore you
to secrecy, Dale.
226
00:10:07,351 --> 00:10:09,520
They banned that food
to save us.
227
00:10:09,634 --> 00:10:10,969
Think about it, Hank.
228
00:10:11,052 --> 00:10:13,763
If the government isn't deciding
what we can and can't eat,
229
00:10:13,888 --> 00:10:16,016
who will, huh? Who?
230
00:10:16,099 --> 00:10:18,435
[WHINES]
I need a nap.
231
00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:22,147
[PHONE RINGING]
232
00:10:23,606 --> 00:10:24,858
Yes?
233
00:10:25,066 --> 00:10:27,360
[SPEAKING SLOWLY]
I have an anonymous tip
234
00:10:27,444 --> 00:10:30,447
for Nancy Hicks-Gribble.
235
00:10:30,655 --> 00:10:32,282
What is it, Bill?
236
00:10:36,161 --> 00:10:40,040
Well, I'll be damned. I didn't
even know you could fry a pickle.
237
00:10:41,291 --> 00:10:42,709
Ted?
238
00:10:42,792 --> 00:10:45,045
But the food bans
were your idea.
239
00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:46,963
A contradiction on the surface.
240
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:50,759
But, unlike many, I have the
discipline to enjoy these indulgences.
241
00:10:50,842 --> 00:10:52,177
That's right, Hank Hill.
242
00:10:52,260 --> 00:10:54,471
Ted Wassonasong
better than you.
243
00:10:55,764 --> 00:10:56,973
TED:
Perhaps it is education.
244
00:10:57,140 --> 00:10:58,308
Perhaps breeding.
245
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:00,060
The debate rages on.
246
00:11:00,185 --> 00:11:01,561
ENRIQUE:
Oh, no, Hank.
247
00:11:01,686 --> 00:11:02,937
We got company.
248
00:11:03,188 --> 00:11:04,522
HANK:
The news.
249
00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:07,025
Let's bug out.
250
00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:08,318
You heard Mr. Strickland.
251
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,236
This is not another drill.
Let's go.
252
00:11:11,946 --> 00:11:13,698
[TIRES SQUEALING]
253
00:11:15,617 --> 00:11:17,077
[TIRES SQUEALING]
254
00:11:19,996 --> 00:11:22,082
- Get rid of the evidence.
- Okay, honey.
255
00:11:32,133 --> 00:11:33,676
Speed up.
256
00:11:37,305 --> 00:11:38,389
Gun it.
257
00:11:38,473 --> 00:11:40,100
It's already yellow.
We'll never make it.
258
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,477
Well, it's either that
or toss out Little John.
259
00:11:43,895 --> 00:11:45,105
Do it, Hank.
260
00:11:46,064 --> 00:11:47,774
[TIRES SCREECH]
261
00:11:50,568 --> 00:11:51,486
Damn.
262
00:11:52,821 --> 00:11:53,780
[SIGHS]
263
00:11:53,905 --> 00:11:55,532
I ran a red light.
264
00:11:55,657 --> 00:11:57,534
[SIREN BLARING]
265
00:12:03,873 --> 00:12:05,041
Hey, fellas.
266
00:12:05,166 --> 00:12:07,210
Fancy driving.
267
00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:10,797
He saw us?
268
00:12:10,922 --> 00:12:12,215
Why didn't he give us a ticket?
269
00:12:12,382 --> 00:12:14,467
Because he believes
in our cause.
270
00:12:14,551 --> 00:12:16,845
He's a fellow freedom fighter.
271
00:12:17,053 --> 00:12:19,889
But what does that have to do
with reckless driving?
272
00:12:20,056 --> 00:12:23,101
Plenty. Let me tell you
about another reckless driver,
273
00:12:23,226 --> 00:12:25,812
a man named Paul Revere.
274
00:12:26,813 --> 00:12:30,024
You see, he had a
horse that ran very...
275
00:12:30,608 --> 00:12:32,152
Oh, screw it, Ol' Top.
276
00:12:32,277 --> 00:12:34,571
We're bribing the cops
to stay in business.
277
00:12:34,737 --> 00:12:36,531
He's on the take?
278
00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:41,619
Uh, Mr. Buck? Uh, we need
to stop by the "green grocer"
279
00:12:41,744 --> 00:12:44,414
and withdraw more "salad."
280
00:12:44,581 --> 00:12:46,708
Relax, he knows.
281
00:12:50,211 --> 00:12:52,547
Dirty cops, too?
282
00:12:52,881 --> 00:12:55,175
You are walking a
razor's edge, Hank.
283
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:57,427
Now, whisper it again,
about the cops.
284
00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:58,595
BOBBY:
Hey, guys.
285
00:12:58,761 --> 00:13:01,931
Not a big deal, but I need
you to sign this for school.
286
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:04,225
You got detention
for chewing gum?
287
00:13:04,434 --> 00:13:07,061
You can't serve kids frito pies
for lunch
288
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:08,897
and not expect them
to do something
289
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:11,065
about the breath issues
involved.
290
00:13:11,274 --> 00:13:13,902
But you know chewing gum
is against the rules.
291
00:13:14,068 --> 00:13:15,653
It's an unjust rule.
292
00:13:15,737 --> 00:13:18,323
I'm fighting
for what I believe in, Dad.
293
00:13:29,667 --> 00:13:31,336
[HEAVY GUNFIRE]
294
00:13:35,965 --> 00:13:37,175
What's happening?
295
00:13:38,134 --> 00:13:41,054
We're liberating Europe
from the Nazis, Hank.
296
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:43,056
Tom Landry?
297
00:13:43,348 --> 00:13:44,432
That's right.
298
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,226
Before I won two
Super Bowls, Hank,
299
00:13:46,309 --> 00:13:48,561
I flew a B-17 in World War II.
300
00:13:48,645 --> 00:13:50,188
Everyone knows that.
301
00:13:50,355 --> 00:13:52,148
I wanted to talk to you
about your lunch truck.
302
00:13:52,315 --> 00:13:54,400
So did a couple of my friends.
303
00:13:59,697 --> 00:14:01,699
We don't think you should
be breaking the law, Hank.
304
00:14:01,824 --> 00:14:03,910
What?
But that's what you all did.
305
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:06,621
Mr. President, you were
a loyal British subject
306
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:08,456
until they pushed you too far.
307
00:14:09,832 --> 00:14:13,544
And you suspended habeas corpus
during the Civil War.
308
00:14:13,628 --> 00:14:15,463
And, Tom,
you broke all the rules
309
00:14:15,546 --> 00:14:17,840
with your revolutionary
flex defense.
310
00:14:17,966 --> 00:14:20,134
You're on
a slippery slope, Hank.
311
00:14:20,218 --> 00:14:23,096
You're ignoring
posted traffic laws.
312
00:14:24,055 --> 00:14:26,683
And now Bobby is chewing gum.
313
00:14:26,849 --> 00:14:29,185
- But I thought you'd be proud.
- We're not.
314
00:14:31,062 --> 00:14:32,480
Krauts, two o'clock high.
315
00:14:32,647 --> 00:14:34,732
[AUTOMATIC GUNFIRE]
316
00:14:38,152 --> 00:14:40,321
[SIGHS]
317
00:14:42,865 --> 00:14:46,411
You think we could get
mayonnaise outlawed, Ol' Top?
318
00:14:46,577 --> 00:14:48,121
Uh, Mr. Strickland,
319
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:51,332
what do you think Tom Landry
would think of what we're doing?
320
00:14:51,541 --> 00:14:54,002
Top, well, how the hell
should I know?
321
00:14:54,210 --> 00:14:57,630
I, uh... I can't do this
anymore, sir.
322
00:14:57,797 --> 00:15:00,091
It just doesn't feel right.
323
00:15:00,591 --> 00:15:03,469
Rooster?! What's he doing
with a lunch truck?
324
00:15:06,764 --> 00:15:08,850
An illegal lunch truck?
325
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:12,020
[TIRES SCREECHING]
326
00:15:15,606 --> 00:15:18,276
It's my territory now,
Strickland!
327
00:15:18,401 --> 00:15:22,071
I'm taking over Arlen's
illegal food business!
328
00:15:27,952 --> 00:15:29,662
ROOSTER [SHOUTING]:
You're finished, Strickland!
329
00:15:29,871 --> 00:15:31,914
[SPUTTERING]
Finished?
330
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,667
How's this for finished?
331
00:15:36,044 --> 00:15:37,795
Retaliate.
332
00:15:43,134 --> 00:15:45,178
Let's get 'em, honey.
333
00:15:54,395 --> 00:15:57,190
Who is Rooster,
and why is he attacking us?
334
00:15:57,398 --> 00:16:00,026
He's an old acquaintance
of mine from Arkansas.
335
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:01,819
Dirty as the day is long.
336
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:03,988
Rooster, when I'm done with you,
337
00:16:04,072 --> 00:16:06,657
your nickname's
gonna be Chicken!
338
00:16:06,824 --> 00:16:08,284
Doubtful!
339
00:16:08,451 --> 00:16:10,870
This whole thing
has gotten way out of hand.
340
00:16:10,995 --> 00:16:13,790
I thought this truck would help,
but it's making things worse.
341
00:16:13,915 --> 00:16:15,917
I don't think
I can be a part of it.
342
00:16:16,292 --> 00:16:18,169
Oh, you can't quit now, Hank!
343
00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:21,464
If we walk away, Arlen will be
at the mercy of Rooster.
344
00:16:21,589 --> 00:16:23,549
- You want that?
- [THUDS]
345
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:29,972
[SIGHS]
346
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:32,642
Okay, fine, I'll help.
347
00:16:32,809 --> 00:16:34,685
But just until
we get rid of Rooster.
348
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:36,729
All right!
349
00:16:36,854 --> 00:16:40,149
[THE O'JAYS' "GIVE THE PEOPLE
WHAT THEY WANT" BEGINS]
350
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:44,112
? You got to give the people ?
351
00:16:44,821 --> 00:16:47,407
? Give the people
What they want ?
352
00:16:47,615 --> 00:16:50,618
? Well, well,
Well, well, right now ?
353
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:53,871
- ? Don't ya know you ?
- ? Got to give the people ?
354
00:16:54,705 --> 00:16:57,500
? Give the people
What they want ?
355
00:17:01,003 --> 00:17:04,340
? Well, I done been
All over the world ?
356
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:09,887
? And everybody feels the same ?
357
00:17:10,346 --> 00:17:14,350
? It's a unanimous decision ?
358
00:17:14,976 --> 00:17:20,022
? I said we're ready
For a change, yeah, yeah, yeah ?
359
00:17:20,148 --> 00:17:23,192
- ? Don't ya know you ?
- ? Got to give the people ?
360
00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:26,028
- ? Give it up ?
- ? Give the people what they want ?
361
00:17:26,529 --> 00:17:29,240
? Well, well
Don't ya know ?
362
00:17:29,365 --> 00:17:33,744
- ? You don't know, no ?
- ? You got to give the people ?
363
00:17:33,995 --> 00:17:36,122
? Give the people
What they want ?
364
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:41,335
? Give the people what
Give the people what ?
365
00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:43,671
- ? Yeah ?
- [SONG FADES]
366
00:17:44,714 --> 00:17:46,466
And then we missed
the lunch rush
367
00:17:46,549 --> 00:17:48,926
because Rooster
slashed our tires.
368
00:17:49,093 --> 00:17:51,971
I'm losing a turf war
I don't even want to fight.
369
00:17:52,054 --> 00:17:54,849
Plus, Rooster's food
isn't even that good.
370
00:17:55,057 --> 00:17:57,268
What? You've eaten
from Rooster's truck?
371
00:17:57,435 --> 00:17:59,103
Just once. Today.
372
00:17:59,187 --> 00:18:02,356
I had a hankering
for some ceviche. Subpar.
373
00:18:02,565 --> 00:18:05,276
Dang it, Dale, I'm trying
to drive that guy out of town.
374
00:18:05,401 --> 00:18:07,487
Yeah, man.
That ain't cool, man.
375
00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:09,280
I'm sorry, Hank, but I...
376
00:18:09,405 --> 00:18:10,656
[GAGGING]
377
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:11,866
You okay there, Dale?
378
00:18:12,074 --> 00:18:13,826
Yes. No.
379
00:18:13,910 --> 00:18:15,036
Oh, God.
380
00:18:15,161 --> 00:18:16,537
[RETCHING]
381
00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:18,956
Raw ceviche from a moving truck.
382
00:18:19,123 --> 00:18:20,291
What went wrong?
383
00:18:20,416 --> 00:18:21,709
[RETCHING]
384
00:18:21,885 --> 00:18:23,475
Well, it serves you right, Dale.
385
00:18:23,628 --> 00:18:26,088
Yeah, man. Talkin' 'bout you...
[MUTTERING]
386
00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:28,799
Dang ol'... oh-ho.
387
00:18:29,008 --> 00:18:29,842
[COUGHS]
388
00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:31,344
[SIGHS]
You, too?
389
00:18:31,427 --> 00:18:33,012
[RETCHING]
BILL: That's what happens
390
00:18:33,137 --> 00:18:34,347
when you sell people poison.
391
00:18:34,555 --> 00:18:36,265
Luckily, I have nothing
to worry about,
392
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:38,684
thanks to my
government-approved diet.
393
00:18:38,809 --> 00:18:40,937
Bill, I didn't want
to have to do this,
394
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:43,523
but I think you should
take a look at yourself.
395
00:18:44,315 --> 00:18:46,567
[GASPING]
Oh, God.
396
00:18:53,282 --> 00:18:54,951
[CACKLING]
397
00:18:55,159 --> 00:18:56,994
Thanks to Rooster,
398
00:18:57,078 --> 00:18:59,288
half this town is hugging
their toilets!
399
00:18:59,413 --> 00:19:01,832
Yeah, must be some kind
of food poisoning.
400
00:19:01,958 --> 00:19:04,544
I guess your constant
whining about hygiene
401
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:07,296
and refrigeration
actually served a purpose.
402
00:19:07,505 --> 00:19:09,006
I don't recall whining.
403
00:19:09,173 --> 00:19:11,175
Now all we got to do
is let everybody know
404
00:19:11,259 --> 00:19:13,219
it was Rooster
who poisoned them,
405
00:19:13,427 --> 00:19:14,762
and we'll get all the business.
406
00:19:14,929 --> 00:19:17,014
We won, Ol' Top! We won!
407
00:19:17,223 --> 00:19:19,475
Well, as long as those
food bans are in place,
408
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:20,935
no one has won.
409
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:23,020
And I'm not sure
they're ever going away.
410
00:19:23,104 --> 00:19:26,190
From your mouth
to God's ear, Hank.
411
00:19:34,448 --> 00:19:35,700
NANCY [ON PHONE]:
Yes?
412
00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:37,201
Nancy, it's Hank Hill.
413
00:19:37,326 --> 00:19:39,203
I've had enough.
I want out.
414
00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:40,830
I think I can help, sug'.
415
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:42,957
Oh, hey, can we use
your facilities?
416
00:19:43,124 --> 00:19:46,002
We've been peeing
in Snapple bottles all week.
417
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:56,596
HANK: The only thing your
got-dang bans accomplished
418
00:19:56,679 --> 00:19:58,889
was to drive people
into the shadows
419
00:19:59,056 --> 00:20:01,475
to eat where they got poisoned
by a criminal.
420
00:20:01,559 --> 00:20:05,730
Rooster and his crew don't care
about food safety or hygiene.
421
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,273
And Channel 84's
422
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:08,983
Nancy Hicks-Gribble
can prove it.
423
00:20:09,150 --> 00:20:12,028
She has video evidence
of Rooster's blatant
424
00:20:12,194 --> 00:20:15,156
disregard for maintaining
a sanitary kitchen.
425
00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:16,115
[ALL GASPING]
426
00:20:16,324 --> 00:20:18,034
That video includes shots
427
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:19,702
of everyone who broke the law
428
00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:22,496
and visited Rooster's truck
in the past couple days,
429
00:20:22,663 --> 00:20:26,250
including people
we all might recognize.
430
00:20:26,417 --> 00:20:27,918
We could all watch the tape.
431
00:20:29,545 --> 00:20:31,422
Or you could repeal
the food bans.
432
00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:32,965
I say we repeal the bans.
433
00:20:33,174 --> 00:20:36,636
Yes, let us return the power
of choice to the people of Arlen.
434
00:20:36,761 --> 00:20:39,096
[SOTTO VOCE] And attach a small
addendum to the bill which orders
435
00:20:39,221 --> 00:20:41,140
the destruction of that tape.
All in favor?
436
00:20:41,265 --> 00:20:42,224
ALL:
Aye!
437
00:20:52,777 --> 00:20:55,571
Do you know why these hush
puppies taste so good, Bobby?
438
00:20:55,696 --> 00:20:57,031
Trans-fat?
439
00:20:57,239 --> 00:20:59,533
Because you're not
breaking the rules to eat 'em.
440
00:20:59,617 --> 00:21:00,618
Right, Peggy?
441
00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:03,454
Hmm? Oh, yeah, yeah, rules good.
442
00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:06,290
[SOTTO VOCE]:
Hey, bad boy.
443
00:21:06,374 --> 00:21:08,542
What do you say we skip out
on the check, huh?
444
00:21:08,709 --> 00:21:10,628
- No.
- How 'bout this?
445
00:21:10,753 --> 00:21:12,963
We load up my purse
with packets of Splenda.
446
00:21:13,047 --> 00:21:14,799
By the time they know
what hit them,
447
00:21:14,882 --> 00:21:17,885
- we'll be long gone.
- No.
448
00:21:53,087 --> 00:21:55,631
HANK: But I thought you'd be proud.
TOM: We're not.
449
00:21:55,681 --> 00:22:00,231
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