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1
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:35,168
Thank God it's covered
in warning labels
2
00:00:35,235 --> 00:00:37,971
because this antifreeze
looks delicious.
3
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,541
Peggy. Look.
4
00:00:42,308 --> 00:00:44,711
Hank, we are not
getting an HDTV.
5
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:46,046
They are too lifelike.
6
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:48,549
Luanne would be walking
into it all the time.
7
00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:51,618
No, it's Bobby.
He's watching football.
8
00:00:53,186 --> 00:00:54,955
He's too close
to the screen.
9
00:00:55,021 --> 00:00:55,956
Should I go...?
10
00:00:56,022 --> 00:00:57,658
No, don't disturb him.
11
00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:05,065
...at first I thought Bobby was
just standing in front of the TV
12
00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:07,033
watching all the
colors, but then...
13
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:09,335
he actually cheered.
14
00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:11,037
Congratulations, Hank.
15
00:01:11,104 --> 00:01:13,373
Now your life
is finally perfect.
16
00:01:13,439 --> 00:01:16,409
You guys should come over and
watch the Cowboy game tomorrow.
17
00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:18,178
I have to capitalize
on this.
18
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:19,513
Otherwise,
we'll be right back
19
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:22,649
to watching his troll doll
performances.
20
00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:24,150
Yeah, man, talkin' 'bout
that ol'
21
00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:25,485
dang ol'
"Trolleo and Juliet," man.
22
00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:28,088
That ol...
Dang ol' awful, man.
23
00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:29,523
(players grunting)
24
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:30,691
(whistle blows)
25
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:33,126
Well, that was a great play,
wasn't it, son?
26
00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:34,828
Don't you think it was great?
27
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:37,998
Don't you just wanna watch
football forever?
28
00:01:38,064 --> 00:01:40,033
Be cool, Hank.
29
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,201
I'm cool. I'm cool.
30
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:42,536
Yeah, it was great.
31
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,405
Mr. Dauterive,
will you pass me the chips?
32
00:01:45,471 --> 00:01:47,908
Got dang it, Bill.
Pass him the chips!
33
00:01:47,974 --> 00:01:50,043
The bowl-- it's empty!
34
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,144
We're out!
35
00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:52,212
That's okay. That's okay.
36
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:53,680
We'll just go to the kitchen
37
00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:55,148
and get more chips.
38
00:01:55,215 --> 00:01:56,817
Bobby, you stay right here
39
00:01:56,883 --> 00:01:58,184
and watch that game...
40
00:01:58,251 --> 00:02:01,287
which you are enjoying.
41
00:02:04,991 --> 00:02:07,427
Well, he seems interested.
42
00:02:07,493 --> 00:02:11,197
We gotta close the deal, and get
this kid to a real game, quick.
43
00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:13,399
Yeah, man, we got a dang
ol' Big 12 Championship
44
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,669
in dang ol'... over
in Houston this year, man.
45
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,804
Texas/Nebraska.
That's perfect!
46
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:22,442
A big game, a trip to
the Rose Bowl at stake, an intense rivalry...
47
00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:25,111
Bobby'll get a real sense
of the hatred
48
00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:27,614
that makes football so great.
49
00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:35,155
Son, remember
the day you found out
50
00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:37,457
cakes could be made
of ice cream?
51
00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:39,392
Well, today is
gonna be better.
52
00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:43,664
Wow.
This is gonna be some day.
53
00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:46,332
Hank, I have mapped out
a route to the game
54
00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:48,935
that is the least likely
to distract Bobby.
55
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:52,272
There are no amusement parks,
malls, or magic shops.
56
00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:54,675
If I missed something,
use this.
57
00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:57,778
It only buys you three minutes,
so use it carefully.
58
00:02:57,844 --> 00:03:02,148
Uncle Hank, Uncle Hank, I made
you a mixed tape for the drive!
59
00:03:02,215 --> 00:03:04,751
Do not accidentally
play side B
60
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:07,420
or you will fall in love.
61
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,262
Here we are, Bobby.
62
00:03:16,329 --> 00:03:18,464
Alamo Field.
63
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,802
So, this is football.
64
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:27,140
$25?!
Where's the regular parking?
65
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,509
There is none.
66
00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:32,713
Because everyone's a V.I.P.
at Alamo Field.
67
00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:34,247
(sighs)
68
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,255
Wow, look at all
that cool stuff.
69
00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:43,724
Hey, you want
some souvenirs?
70
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:45,692
Let's get you
some souvenirs.
71
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:49,730
We can redo your whole room
in Longhorns if you want.
72
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:52,599
Ooh, wastebaskets!
73
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:54,367
Dale, you
got the tickets?
74
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:57,170
Yep.
One for you. You.
75
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,171
And you.
76
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,741
"Texas vs. Nebrasky"?
77
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:03,910
Dale, you idiot, you
bought fake tickets!
78
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:05,779
Impossible.
79
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,049
Well-played, Octavio.
80
00:04:09,115 --> 00:04:10,684
What are we gonna do?
81
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,519
Man, we're gonna have to go
to a dang ol' scalper, man.
82
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:15,756
Scalper?
Boomhauer, that's illegal.
83
00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:22,028
(sighs)
I'll get the tickets.
84
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,830
Uh... hi.
85
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:26,700
My son just started
liking football,
86
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:29,636
and I really need him to
see this game in person.
87
00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:32,338
You see, he normally
likes troll dolls
88
00:04:32,405 --> 00:04:34,407
and things that
fly around, and...
89
00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:36,610
Tickets are face value,
plus a hundred.
90
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:38,512
A hundred?!
91
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,549
Uh, th-thanks
for bringing me
92
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,519
those tickets I forgot,
old friend!
93
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,588
I'm glad I was able to repay you
94
00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:50,924
the money I owed you
for an unrelated matter.
95
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:56,429
Aunt Peggy, why aren't you
going to the game thing?
96
00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:59,633
Mmm, let's just say
that my style of cheering
97
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:03,303
is not consistent with
the new stadium regulations.
98
00:05:03,369 --> 00:05:05,939
You call that
a coin toss?! (gasps)
99
00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:09,776
Aghh! I'm dizzy.
100
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:13,146
We're so high up because
of those damn luxury boxes.
101
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:15,549
They're ruining football.
102
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:17,383
And possibly baseball, too,
103
00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:18,819
but it's harder to tell.
104
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:21,354
(sighs)
Look, that box is empty!
105
00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:24,024
What a waste. A real fan
could be sitting in there.
106
00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:25,025
(gasps)
107
00:05:25,091 --> 00:05:28,128
Ah, that blimp scared me.
108
00:05:28,194 --> 00:05:32,132
Dad, the birds flying
below us are blocking my view of the game.
109
00:05:32,198 --> 00:05:34,300
Do you think if I
threw some popcorn
110
00:05:34,367 --> 00:05:36,570
over there, they'd
get out of the way?
111
00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:38,371
Bill, throw your popcorn
at the birds.
112
00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:40,574
But it was $12!
113
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:45,045
(whimpers)
114
00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:46,412
(screams)
115
00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:49,650
Dad, I'm kinda thirsty.
Can I go get a soda?
116
00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:52,452
Sure, nothing like a
cold drink at a great game.
117
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:53,687
Here's a ten...
118
00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:56,489
Uh, better make that a 20.
119
00:05:58,491 --> 00:05:59,860
The concession stand
120
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:02,462
can only make Bobby
like football so much.
121
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,497
The Longhorns
have to do their part.
122
00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:07,300
(whistle blows)
God, they can't even tackle.
123
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:10,470
(sighs)
They can't even move the ball.
124
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,506
They can't even punt!
125
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:16,510
(sighs)
Well, I'm sure glad Bobby's not here to see this.
126
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:18,979
Yeah. Uh... wait!
127
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:23,083
Does Bobby know an oil tycoon
or a Saudi prince?
128
00:06:23,149 --> 00:06:25,819
'Cause he's sitting
in a luxury box.
129
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:26,887
What?
130
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:31,491
Bobby?
131
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:40,166
Bobby?
132
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,802
Hey, Dad, check this out.
133
00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:45,639
I can watch the game and support
my lumbar at the same time!
134
00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:48,041
Bobby, what are you doing?
You can't be in here.
135
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,711
But you said real fans
could be sitting here,
136
00:06:50,777 --> 00:06:53,780
and then I realized something:
I'm a real fan.
137
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,449
Check out how close
we are to the field!
138
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:57,450
(sighs)
139
00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:59,152
You can smell the grass.
140
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:00,153
The ref just threw
141
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:01,822
some kinda hankie thing,
142
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:06,192
and Nebraska had to move
back four or five lines.
143
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:10,163
(sighs)
Look, Bobby, I know it's nice, but we can't stay here.
144
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:11,497
We have to go.
(crowd cheering)
145
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:12,833
Interception!
146
00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:17,003
Th-These boxes are very
expensive, Bobby.
147
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:18,371
Yeah, look at him run!
148
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,006
Run!
Run!
149
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:22,576
Yeah, all right!
150
00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:25,846
Well, I guess
we have to go now.
151
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:29,683
Uh, yes, yes,
we, we should go.
152
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,418
Go, Horns, go!
153
00:07:32,485 --> 00:07:34,287
Go, Horns, go!
Go, Horns, go!
154
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:36,022
Go, Horns, go!
Go, Horns, go!
155
00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:43,463
Go, Horns, go!
Go, Horns, go!
156
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:45,198
Go, Horns, go!
157
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:50,203
Uh, maybe we should leave.
158
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,337
(whistle blows)
159
00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:53,507
All right,
another first down!
160
00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:56,543
Huh, uh...
maybe we shouldn't leave.
161
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:57,911
The Longhorns
were doing terrible,
162
00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,947
and the momentum shifted
right when we got here.
163
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:03,249
We've got mojo on our side now.
164
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,885
What's mojo?
165
00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:07,921
Mojo is a magical,
fragile thing.
166
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,223
It's when you've pleased
the god of football
167
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:13,927
and he decides to shine his
glorious bounty upon your team.
168
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,896
If you anger him,
he takes it away.
169
00:08:15,962 --> 00:08:18,865
We got the mojo!
The Longhorns have to win!
170
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:22,368
Oh, they have to!
Oh, I hope with all my hope!
171
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:24,971
Me, too, Bobby.
Me, too.
172
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:26,239
DALE:
Hank!
173
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:29,309
We were worried sick.
And our seats were awful.
174
00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:30,310
Wow.
175
00:08:30,376 --> 00:08:33,179
This place is fancy.
176
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:35,415
Free beer.
177
00:08:35,481 --> 00:08:37,618
(gasps)
Free hot dogs!
178
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,052
Free drawer space!
179
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:40,754
Hey, throw me the ball!
180
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:42,589
Hey, throw me the ball!
181
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:43,990
Dang it, Dale.
Knock it off!
182
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:46,492
If you guys keep acting
like jackasses,
183
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:47,694
we'll get kicked
out of here.
184
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:49,262
And if we get kicked out,
185
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:51,932
the momentum might shift back
to Nebraska and then we lose.
186
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:54,400
And if we lose,
Bobby'll hate football
187
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:56,402
and live an unfulfilling life.
188
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:57,938
And then he will die.
189
00:08:58,004 --> 00:09:01,908
Man, Hank, you've really
thought this through.
190
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:07,914
BLAKE MANTOOTH:
Hold onto your hats, folks.
191
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:10,551
The Longhorns
are driving down the field!
192
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:12,152
(cheering)
193
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:15,455
(sighs)
I'm gonna watch the game unencumbered.
194
00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:18,191
So long, jerk!
195
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:19,560
(knocking)
196
00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:21,595
WAITER:
Dessert cart.
197
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:28,301
Uh, is Jake Middleton here?
This is supposed to be his box.
198
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:30,904
Jake Middleton?
The old Nebraska quarterback?
199
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:33,607
One of the greatest play-makers
in the history of the game?
200
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,175
This is his box?
201
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,777
Um, yeah.
202
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:39,813
Yep, he's here.
Hold on.
203
00:09:42,448 --> 00:09:43,850
We're his family.
204
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,820
Ned Middleton, pleased to
make your acquaintanceship.
205
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:49,723
Wh-Why are you wearing
Texas clothes?
206
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,425
Irony.
207
00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:56,029
Ol' Jake's out there with a kid
from the Make-A-Wish Foundation.
208
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:59,465
And it's that kid's wish
that they not be disturbed.
209
00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:01,367
Oh, and it was also his wish
210
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,137
that we eat all the desserts
and you bill it to Jake.
211
00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:06,873
So leave the cart
and be on your way.
212
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:12,779
PEGGY:
Wrap him up, college boy!
213
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:15,649
Come on, do I need to show you
how to tackle?
214
00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:17,984
Huh? Huh?
(screams)
215
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,220
(Peggy screaming and panting)
216
00:10:22,523 --> 00:10:23,857
I think they should fake
217
00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:26,059
like they're gonna give it
to the guy who runs,
218
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:29,195
but instead throw it
to the guy who catches.
219
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,865
That's a play action pass
to the tight end.
220
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:34,100
Bobby, you just earned
yourself a beer.
221
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:35,769
Now I can't let you drink it,
222
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:38,539
but you can savor
the aroma of mine.
223
00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:40,206
(inhales deeply)
(crowd cheering)
224
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:41,708
Touchdown!
Touchdown!
225
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,476
No, no, no, no.
You can't stop smelling.
226
00:10:43,544 --> 00:10:46,179
When I touched your shoulder
and you sniffed the beer,
227
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:47,447
Texas took the lead.
228
00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:49,916
You're right!
But you're gonna hold this beer
229
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,152
under my nose
the rest of the game?
230
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:55,088
I once watched the entire
second half of a game
231
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,423
with a roll of tape
on my head.
232
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,925
And that was just preseason.
233
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,727
This is for the Rose Bowl!
234
00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:03,564
Oh...
(sniffing)
235
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:06,099
(chanting):
Defense! Defense!
236
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,301
Defense! Defense!
237
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:09,803
(sniffs)
238
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,838
This smells like sick.
239
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:14,374
Just hold on
for ten more seconds.
240
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,376
Down! Set!
241
00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:17,911
Hut!
242
00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:22,716
(whistle blows)
243
00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:23,950
BLAKE MANTOOTH:
Whoa, Nelly!
244
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,519
The Nebraska coach
is knocked out cold.
245
00:11:25,586 --> 00:11:28,254
Assistant Coach Will Benton
is going to have to step up.
246
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,957
Doesn't look like
he's ready for the job.
247
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,626
I think he's crying.
248
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,460
If we hold 'em
for one more down,
249
00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:36,029
we're going to the championship.
250
00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:41,201
(phone ringing)
251
00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:42,636
This is interesting.
252
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:43,937
(ringing)
253
00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:45,639
Hey, man, dang ol' not it, man.
Not it!
254
00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:46,640
Not it.
255
00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:47,908
Too close to call.
256
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:50,476
Fine, I'll do it.
257
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:51,745
If things go south,
258
00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:53,880
I can always pretend
I'm a fax machine.
259
00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:56,650
(voice cracking):
Hello?
260
00:11:56,717 --> 00:11:58,785
Hold, please.
261
00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:01,622
Uh, Hank,
you got a call.
262
00:12:01,688 --> 00:12:03,323
Who the heck is calling me here?
263
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:06,126
It's the assistant
coach for Nebraska. What?
264
00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:10,096
And you're Jake Middleton.
This is his luxury box.
265
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,264
Good luck.
266
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:12,799
Uh... hello?
267
00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:14,935
Oh, God, Jake...
Jake, I need a play.
268
00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:16,670
(stammering):
I-I-I-I don't know what to do.
269
00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:18,171
The fans'll kill me.
270
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,240
And they'll do it with tractors
and farm machinery.
271
00:12:20,306 --> 00:12:21,642
Uh, um...
272
00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:23,409
Give me a minute.
273
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:26,379
Nebraska wants Jake Middleton
to call a play.
274
00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:27,948
Wingo!
275
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:30,450
Just think of the dumbest play
you can and the Longhorns win.
276
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:31,718
Yeah. Do it, Hank.
277
00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:33,153
Win it for the Longhorns!
278
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:35,789
I can't give a fake play.
It's dishonest.
279
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:38,358
It might even be illegal.
280
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:39,660
Hank's right.
281
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,394
We could get in trouble.
Don't do it. It's wrong.
282
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:42,963
(sighs)
283
00:12:43,029 --> 00:12:45,866
Then again, I'm not sure
if helping Texas is ever wrong.
284
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,901
It isn't!
God bless Texas!
285
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:50,871
Do you know how many laws
you've broken today
286
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:53,173
trying to get your son
to like football?
287
00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:56,442
(horn blows)
Go, Horns, go! Go, Horns, go!
288
00:12:58,178 --> 00:13:00,981
Uh, yes, this is Jake Middleton.
289
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:04,450
Okay, here's what you,
uh, we should do.
290
00:13:04,518 --> 00:13:07,020
Have the quarterback
pitch the ball to the halfback,
291
00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:09,790
who will quick-kick it
to the coffin corner.
292
00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:11,091
A quick kick?
293
00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:12,458
But we'd just be
turning the ball over.
294
00:13:12,526 --> 00:13:14,360
Well, uh, that's why
it's a good play.
295
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:17,631
Uh, Texas will never be
expecting it.
296
00:13:17,698 --> 00:13:19,432
Well, yeah. It's stupid.
297
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,001
Hey, you called me.
298
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:23,336
If you didn't want Jake
Middleton to give you the play,
299
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:25,606
you shouldn't have called
Jake Middleton.
300
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:26,640
Yes, sir.
301
00:13:26,707 --> 00:13:28,842
(sighs):
It's done.
302
00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:31,077
Dad, they're
setting up!
303
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:42,122
Defense! Defense!
304
00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:43,990
(cheering)
305
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,326
DALE:
This is exciting!
306
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:49,195
Hank, you should really
come in here and see this.
307
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:50,531
MANTOOTH:
And it's desperation time...
308
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,799
Six fifty-nine!
Six fifty-nine! Hut! Hut!
309
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:54,200
He takes the snap...
310
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:55,869
A quick kick?!
311
00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:58,371
The Longhorns look confused,
they scramble...
312
00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:00,941
All Texas has to do
is let the ball roll dead
313
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:02,308
and it's lights out!
314
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:05,045
Holy Moses!
That's a live ball!
315
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:08,849
Nebraska wins! Nebraska wins!
316
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:13,353
No!
317
00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:17,958
Dad... why did
this happen?
318
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:26,432
Hank!
319
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:27,968
Hello, Hank?
Hank!
320
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,570
Wha... uh, what happened?
321
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,004
We won, right?
322
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:32,739
We're, we're going
to the Rose Bowl, right?
323
00:14:32,806 --> 00:14:33,774
We cheered.
324
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,441
Snap out of it!
We lost!
325
00:14:35,509 --> 00:14:36,643
Well, you lost.
326
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:37,744
Oh, no.
327
00:14:37,811 --> 00:14:39,379
(Bobby groaning)
328
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:41,615
We were so close.
329
00:14:41,682 --> 00:14:45,886
Is it okay that I feel like
I don't want to live anymore?
330
00:14:45,952 --> 00:14:47,921
Yes, Bobby, that's normal.
331
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:55,896
Why?! Why, why me?!
332
00:14:55,962 --> 00:14:57,531
Why? I am a good person.
333
00:14:57,598 --> 00:14:59,966
When charities send me
free address labels,
334
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:01,768
I don't use them.
335
00:15:01,835 --> 00:15:04,538
Why?!
336
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:13,279
Coach, congratulations.
337
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,982
That quick kick was
a stroke of genius.
338
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:18,318
Well, I have to give credit
to Jake Middleton.
339
00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:20,353
The man who called
that play.
340
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:21,254
What?
341
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:22,388
I didn't call any play.
342
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,224
My plane was late.
I just got here.
343
00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:26,527
Really? No wonder it
didn't make any sense.
344
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:29,395
Well, whoever it was in that box
won the game for Nebraska!
345
00:15:30,531 --> 00:15:32,332
Oh, my God!
346
00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:38,572
Okay, they just caught
a glimpse of me.
347
00:15:38,639 --> 00:15:41,842
They can't identify you
if they just catch a glimpse.
348
00:15:41,908 --> 00:15:44,244
Bigfoot, Loch Ness Monster,
Jack Ruby.
349
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:46,312
Caught and stuffed,
every one.
350
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:48,114
When all those
Texas fans find us,
351
00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:50,316
they're gonna tear us
limb from limb...
352
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:51,184
from limb!
353
00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:53,219
We gotta get out of here fast,
354
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,188
but we can't let Bobby know
what's going on.
355
00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:57,023
Seeing us get our asses kicked
356
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:59,192
will turn Bobby
off football forever.
357
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:01,728
I found some more
of the mini-eclairs,
358
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:03,997
so I'm starting to settle down.
359
00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:06,600
What's everybody
doing on the ground?
360
00:16:06,667 --> 00:16:08,034
Uh, it's a tradition.
361
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:10,436
We're, uh, pretending
we're longhorns.
362
00:16:10,504 --> 00:16:13,907
You know, grazing
after a hard-fought game.
363
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:16,142
(mooing)
364
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,478
That sounds like fun.
365
00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:20,747
Moo!
366
00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:26,753
After the graze, we do what
is called a Longhorn stampede.
367
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:30,991
We race out of the stadium
to the car as fast as we can.
368
00:16:31,057 --> 00:16:34,094
Okay, ready, set, stampede!
369
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,763
Wait, I don't have
my belt or my shoes.
370
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:38,431
Don't leave me!
371
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,568
All we have to do is get down
the escalator and then we'll...
372
00:16:41,635 --> 00:16:42,769
Oh, no!
373
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,370
It's our waiter!
374
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:47,207
I totally could identify
the guy that called that play,
375
00:16:47,273 --> 00:16:49,175
not that anyone's asking me.
376
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:54,247
Quick, this way.
377
00:17:12,633 --> 00:17:13,834
We made it!
378
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:15,536
We're free!
379
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:23,043
MAN:
I need to hit something!
380
00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:25,612
Someone give me a reason
to hurt somebody.
381
00:17:25,679 --> 00:17:27,413
Violence is the answer.
382
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,282
We're in the lion's
den, Hank.
383
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,017
I must tell you,
there's a good chance
384
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:32,919
I will betray you
before the day is through.
385
00:17:32,986 --> 00:17:34,487
(thundersticks banging)
386
00:17:34,555 --> 00:17:38,458
Ah! Let's just stay together
and make our way to the van.
387
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:39,593
Quietly.
388
00:17:39,660 --> 00:17:42,428
I'd feel safer if
my pants could stay up.
389
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:48,969
I heard that guy
who called that play
390
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:50,336
was a Nebraska fan,
391
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,639
who kidnapped a Texas fan
and stole his jersey.
392
00:17:52,706 --> 00:17:55,275
I heard they raised
a Nebraska baby in Texas,
393
00:17:55,341 --> 00:17:57,544
so it could move
between groups undetected.
394
00:17:57,611 --> 00:18:00,781
He was wearing one of
those old school jerseys.
395
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:02,148
Like that one!
396
00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:04,618
Oh, Lord.
397
00:18:04,685 --> 00:18:06,119
Get him!
398
00:18:10,356 --> 00:18:13,026
Dad, what are they
doing to that guy?
399
00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:15,195
Uh, it's another
tradition, Bobby.
400
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:17,531
A little post-game
roughhousing,
401
00:18:17,598 --> 00:18:19,099
like puppies do.
402
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:21,968
Yup, there's the...
the biting.
403
00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:23,570
Hey, man, you got dang,
like that,
404
00:18:23,637 --> 00:18:26,339
take off that
dang ol' jersey, man.
405
00:18:29,543 --> 00:18:34,047
But, Dad, these are
Nebraska T-shirts.
406
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,582
Well, that's right, Bobby.
407
00:18:35,649 --> 00:18:39,185
That's what, uh, football
is all about: sportsmanship.
408
00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:41,187
That's a sign of goodwill.
409
00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:44,457
Yay, Huskers.
410
00:18:49,763 --> 00:18:51,898
Get in! Get in! Get in!
411
00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:53,534
Let's get out of here!
412
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:01,575
S'go! S'go!
413
00:19:01,642 --> 00:19:03,343
S'go!
414
00:19:05,579 --> 00:19:07,380
Hey, someone's leaving.
415
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:17,190
All right, here we go.
416
00:19:19,425 --> 00:19:22,262
Okay, the baby's in,
time to go.
417
00:19:24,898 --> 00:19:26,800
And... now we go.
418
00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:32,706
Would you just get in
the gotdang car and move!
419
00:19:32,773 --> 00:19:34,508
Are you talking to me?
420
00:19:34,575 --> 00:19:35,709
Yeah, we're talking to you!
421
00:19:35,776 --> 00:19:37,177
You're the one
blocking the street.
422
00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:38,478
Come on. Move!
423
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:40,814
We don't take that
from a Nebraska fan!
424
00:19:40,881 --> 00:19:44,184
It can get all kinda crazy
up in here if you want.
425
00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:00,300
There's an opening.
Go! Go!
426
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:03,804
No one's letting me in.
427
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:05,071
What are we gonna do?
428
00:20:05,138 --> 00:20:06,406
(horn honks)
429
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:10,076
Go, Big Red! Go, Big Red!
Go, Big Red!
430
00:20:10,143 --> 00:20:12,412
Come on, buddy.
Join the convoy!
431
00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:14,314
Go, Big Red!
(sighs)
432
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:15,982
Just go, Dale.
433
00:20:20,020 --> 00:20:22,188
Sorry about the game, Bobby.
434
00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:24,758
All football games
aren't like that.
435
00:20:24,825 --> 00:20:26,126
They're not?
436
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:27,761
No, I promise they're not.
437
00:20:27,828 --> 00:20:29,362
That's too bad.
438
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:30,764
But some are, right?
439
00:20:30,831 --> 00:20:32,999
All the running
and yelling and stuff.
440
00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:35,401
And we can go again, can't we?
441
00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:37,738
We sure can.
442
00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:40,373
The Longhorns may not
be going to the Rose Bowl
443
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,175
but they might go
to the Gator Bowl
444
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:43,544
or the Peach Bowl
445
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:47,280
or, heaven forbid,
the Pacific Life Holiday Bowl.
446
00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:51,184
DALE:
If we're going all the way to Nebraska,
447
00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:54,821
I'm gonna need a pit stop.
448
00:20:57,558 --> 00:21:01,094
Excuse me. We're looking
to buy a new TV.
449
00:21:01,161 --> 00:21:03,063
Our old one gave out.
450
00:21:03,129 --> 00:21:04,097
LUANNE:
Psst-psst.
451
00:21:04,164 --> 00:21:05,766
Here, kitty-kitty.
452
00:21:05,832 --> 00:21:07,367
Come here, kitty.
453
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:09,970
Do you mind
if I open this window
454
00:21:10,036 --> 00:21:11,572
and let this kitty in?
455
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:13,540
And I think we need one
456
00:21:13,607 --> 00:21:16,476
with a little
less definition.
457
00:21:54,180 --> 00:21:56,850
PEGGY:
Wrap him up, college boy!
458
00:21:56,900 --> 00:22:01,450
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