All language subtitles for King of the Hill s10e05 Portrait of the Artist.eng

I
I

The Japanese call
this poetry �haiku.�

- Yes, Bobby?
- Oh, I was just stretching.

(laughter)

The haiku poem has five
syllables, then seven, then five.

- Bobby.
- What?

There's a magnet in the ceiling
and it has my pencil.

(laughter)
(bell rings)

And the magnet
just released.

(laughter)

And that is how Jesus taught us
not to borrow things from people,

then destroy them, then
pass them off as missing.

Now if all the children of the
flock will join me on the stairs...

Oh, there's something
wrong with my eyes today.

(laughter)

Bobby.

Hello, there.

I thought I smelled corn,
and this confirms it.

(whoopee cushion)
(laughter)

That was not me.

Dang it, Bobby,

this is inappropriate
dinner table behavior.

- Now right now I want�
- I know.

Go to my room.
Hey.

Do you ever wonder where kids
went to before they had rooms?

- I mean did caveman dads say�
- Just go.

Peggy, what are we going
to do about the boy?

He's cutting up at church,
at school...

Heck, I can't even take him
to the Megalomart

without him trying to
get on the P.A. system.

Hank, you cannot blame Bobby.

He just has no outlet
to express his creativity.

He's a boy, he doesn't
need to be creative!

Our son can make people laugh.
Some call that a gift.

I do as well.

You know, in high school
we all thought Rolle Sanders

was a laugh riot.

Then when he got
six months in juvie

and had a child out of wedlock
we stopped laughing.

School is not about
being the class clown.

Unless it's a class
full of clowns.

They teach a class in clowning
at Arlen Community College.

A clowning class?
Perfect.

This is just what Bobby needs.

A supportive place where he can
work out all his comedy energy.

Huh.
It's not a bad idea.

It's like running your dog
around the park for an hour

to keep him from jumping
all over the furniture.

But Bobby can't go to college.
He's 13.

Sometimes you don't have
to be college years old.

There was a kid in my
history class that was 12.

I liked him.

Whenever I would answer
a question in class,

he would laugh.

I went to his birthday party.

BOBBY: Lie down in your
basket, Ladybird.

(whoopee cushion)
Yes!

A class in clowning?
And you're supporting it?

But here's the deal, son.

The shenanigans
stay in clown class.

Not at school, or church,
or any place else

that's not appropriate.

Now get some sleep.

Or stay up all night.
Whichever makes you funnier.

I think a clown class is a
great idea for Bobby.

You know, I had a picture of a
clown above my bed growing up.

I thought it was God
for the longest time.

I've done extermination
for three different Bozos.

Nice guys but do not get them
started on gay marriage.

Hey!

Hey, we got your ball.

Hey. Ball.

Gentlemen, this kickball
rolled into our lives

for a reason.

You've still got a wicked
curve ball, Boomhauer.

I'm gonna have to
call myself out.

Bill, get ready.
I'm bunting.

I"m gonna get you!

(screaming)

It's as good as I remember.

So I see you're all ready
for your clown class.

Can you lean back a little?
Your hair is in my blind spot.

Do you think it works?

I thought about wearing
a hat on top of the hair,

but I couldn't decide if that
was funny or just crazy.

Now Bobby, go in there and
give everything you've got.

And if you still feel funny
at the end of class,

stay after for extra credit.

Got it, Dad.

Hi, Bobby Hill.
Tom Landry class clown.

Oh, hi.
I am so excited.

This is gonna be so much fun.

Don't you just
love comedy?

(door closing)

Great clowns are not born.
They are made.

Right here.
I make clowns.

If you're looking for
an easy A, think again.

In fact, some refer to this
class as �Frowns for Clowns.�

Ah, I see some of you are
already wearing your fright wigs.

The wig isn't something you wear.
It is something you earn.

Do you know why
the shoes wear big,

or the nose be bulbous?

- Uh, funny?
- Of course they're funny.

They're hilarious, in fact.

But if you don't know
why it is pointless.

Can anyone explain
this equation to me?

Can you explain this?

No.

Until you can,
dispose of your costuming.

You are nowhere near funny.

(horn honks)

Alright, our first lesson.
Textbook chapter one.

Funny words.

You, name a body part.

- Uh, leg!
- Not funny!

And here's why:

No funny letters.

- Sacroiliac?
- Exactly.

It has the �k� sound twice
and the �oi� sound.

Excellent work, Boris.

Boris is taking this class for the
ninth time and he is almost a clown.

Someday.
And with your help, sir.

- Armpit?
-Um, no.

But your attempt
is pathetic,

and pathos is one of the
cornerstones of comedy.

John Redcorn.

Joseph.

Uh...

Connie.

- Dale, I suppose.
- I'm picked last?

But does your precious Connie
own custom kickball shoes?

Hey, Bobby!
How was your first day?

Do you want to show us
your juggling?

I haven't learned
how to actually juggle.

But I can tell you why
juggling the fragile

is almost as funny as
juggling the intractable.

Oh.

Professor Twilly knows all
about this kind of stuff.

He's gonna help me
reach my comedic potential.

- Uh-huh.
- According to him,

Adam Sandier isn't funny.

All right, son.

Well, I guess I'd better
go hit the books.

He didn't make
a single dumb joke.

He was just regular.

(thud)
(yelps)

Oh, God,
he's doing a pratfall.

No, wait, that was real.

That actually looks like
a pretty nasty scrape.

Attaboy.

(laughing)
A unicycle with six wheels?!

Oh, the number six.

(laughing)
Are you laughing at or with?

- Uh, at?
- Wrong.

Mr. Twilly, that's why
I came here today.

- I"m kind of not getting it.
- No kidding.

But I've always been
the funny kid.

I do stuff, people laugh.

I thought I was a natural.

Have I been wrong
all these years?

Oh, definitely.

But it's not your fault.

You haven't been
properly trained.

Look at your
flowchart of funny.

Comedy starts with the Ha,

which identifies the
situation as comedic.

The Ha is followed
by the Guffaw.

This creates anticipation.

Next there is the Aw.

To condition your
audience for surprise.

And the final element,
the Ha-Ha!

Now does it make sense?

Not really.

But you've got to believe me.
I really want to understand.

I want to be the
best clown I can be.

I'm not going to
give up on you yet.

I think what you need
is some supplemental reading

from my personal archive,
including this.

It's a copy of Steve Allen's
�How to be Funny�

that he signed
for ten extra dollars.

I'll start studying
these right away.

Uh, wait,
this one's not in English.

You're welcome.

A kick and a miss for
John �No-Scoring� Redcorn.

I thought we said
no bouncies.

(grunting)

BOBBY: Could you guys keep
it down? I'm trying to study.

You bet, son.

(grunting)
You're out.

This was my first audition
for Cirque Fantastique.

It seems like just yesterday

I answered to the name
�Dodo McGoofGoof.�

Here's where I do the
pantomime of the wrong greeting,

entirely in gibberish.

(babbling)

(laughter)

Alright, we've established
this as funny, but why?

It's funny because it follows
Aristotle's dictum �It delights.�

Note the gallivanting.

And chases. The bear chases
you since you poked him,

and it follows the Ha-
Guffaw-Aw-Ha-Ha formula.

Congratulations, Bobby!

You have just proven
why I am funny.

I think you're ready
for character work.

- Really?
- Yes.

We'll begin your study
of Commedia Del'Arte.

- Classic clowning.
- Huh?

I had to take this class six times
before I got to do that.

Hey, Bobby.
So what's college like?

Is it true the library
is open all night?

It's brutal.

Today I have to come up with a
Commedia Del'Arte style character.

Wow.

Mild deception is the lowest
form of tomfoolery.

- But people think he farted.
- Joseph.

After taking this class
I realize that that isn't funny,

and I also realize
that you are not funny.

Oh, man.

But Connie,
you are hilarious.

- Really?
- Yes.

In Algebra this morning,

you said Clark Peters
is as dumb as a dog,

but what you were really saying
is that a dog is as smart as a boy.

- Wonderful.
- Yeah.

I am a dog
as smart as a boy.

A precocious trickster am I.

They call me Tartuffe,
the spry wonder dog!

Magnificently absurd!

The comedic requirements
are all there.

Intention communication,
inopportunita, non-naturalism,

prancing, it has the energy
of Jaques Colon,

and the �lan of Waylon
Flowers and madame.

Yes!
(applause)

Don't blot my bacon, mom.
I'm celebrating!

You got it!

I sit at the table,
yet my proper position

is by your feet.

What manner of scamp am [?

I really don't understand
what is happening.

Now, cut that out.

Whatever that is you're doing.

Sorry, Dad.
I'm just excited.

See, I was starting
to think I wasn't funny,

but then my teacher
helped me come up with

- this great new character.
- Uh-huh, that's fine.

Just keep it in class.

Up to now you've done
a pretty good job of

not being funny around here,
so just keep it up.

- Okay, Dad.
- Pass the ketchup.

Regular ketchup, or one that
weighs 10,000 pounds?

Regular.

Excuse moi?

If you're here to nominate me
for an American Clowning Award

the petition is right here.

Oh, hello, Bobby.

Professor, my school talent show
is coming up.

Do you think I should
perform a sketch

as Tartuffe, the spry
wonder dog?

Bobby, that's an idea
and three quarters!

Its moments like this that are
so much more rewarding

than winning an
American Clowning Award.

Now, who will be attending
this talent show?

Everyone at school will be there
since we get out of class for it.

Even the janitors get to come.

I have always wanted
to bring classic clowning

to the children of Arlen.

The janitorial staff
will be a bonus.

Now, we must find the
perfect costume for Tartuffe.

Eh.
Doesn't wow me.

Good eye, Bobby.

You, of course,
need something bolder.

What about this?

(gasps)
And these?

Perfect, the middle school
will be agog!

I'm gonna be the most
popular kid in school!

- I don't know what they do.
- Ask him.

You're in clown school.
Do something funny now.

Off the top of my head...

There are 17 things I could do
with this globe that are funny,

- and two that aren't.
- Wow.

But you'll have to wait until the
talent show like everyone else.

Everyone, play deep.

This guy swings a big leg.

(grunting)

The ball was wet.

It wasn't my fault.

There was nothing
anyone could have done.

Well, balls come and balls go,
when you think about it.

Well, I guess that's it.

I've got to get to work anyway.

I am so excited.

Is my plume straight?

Your plume is
delightfully askew.

Now, will your father be
attending the performance today?

No.
Dad doesn't think I'm funny.

Historically, clown fathers
haven't been very supportive.

It is up to I and you

to break the cycle
of indifference.

Strickland Propane,
Hank speaking.

Mr. Hill, this is Professor Twilly,
Bobby's clownology teacher.

�Professor?� You can actually
become a professor in that?

Yes.
Any more questions?

- Uh, no.
- Good.

Because you are about to miss
your boy's shining moment.

Bobby, or shall I say
Monsieur Tartuffe,

the spry wonder dog,
is about to entertain

the entire student body!

Bobby, practice your flouncing.

Flouncier.
Flouncier!

Pip-pip! Pip-pip!
(shudders)

You've stepped in lava.

Now you're moving through pudding.

Bobby, you're up next.

- Wonderful.
- A seat in the front row, please.

Excuse me, sir.
Do you have a ticket?

No. I just have to give something
to my son, Bobby Hill.

It's urgent.

Sir, if you don't have a ticket
I can't allow you to...

Did he just run in my hallway?

You stay here.
I'll be right back.

What am I doing?

(cheering)

Bobby?

(shudders)
Dad!

You made it!

I went by the house and brought
you some of your gag toys.

I got your rubber chicken,
your fake hand.

Take them out there with you.
You've got to do your old stuff.

So you think I'm funny?

No, Bobby, I don't.

But according to the notes
your teachers send home,

your classmates do.

Look, this guy's got you thinking
this gesture crap is funny.

It's not funny.
It's just weird.

And they'll think it's weird.

And you still have four years
of high school with these kids.

They'll find another class clown,
and you'll just be that creepy kid

in the body suit who
ruined the talent show.

No thanks, Dad.

I'm a real clown now.

I don't need to rely
on cheap props.

Next up, the comedy
stylings of Bobby Hill.

(cheering)
(accordion music)

- Huh?
- And now...

Tartuffe, the spry wonder dog,
upsets a ladies' tea ceremony

- and is severely beaten.
- Oh, God.

Of course I'd like some tea,

as long as it's not
going to scald me.

Ow!

It scalds.
(Twilly laughing)

Perfect!
Don't be afraid of the silence!

Certainly, madame,
I would like a beating.

Wait.
Did I say like?

I meant to say �not like.�

(booing and jeers)

You're getting a reaction, Bobby!

They're booing you, son.

You are almost
at the Ha-Ha!

The Ha-Ha, Bobby, the Ha-Ha!

They look pretty creeped out.
I can see it from here.

Oh my God.
What is that?

Excuse me, ladies.

I had a few too many
beans today.

(whoopee cushion)

(laughter)

There goes my bean sandwich.
(whoopee cushion and laughter)

What?

What could possibly
be funny about fart noises?

Bobby, you don't want
these kinds of laughs!

This laughter is ill-informed!

(whoopee cushion and laughter)

This was Principal Moss
five minutes ago.

(wild applause and cheering)

The old pencil-in-the-can bit.
Always funny.

Don't know why.

HANK: "I thought I smelled
corn, and this confirms it.

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