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1
00:00:48,515 --> 00:00:50,117
Oh, God.
2
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:51,585
Both Dale and Boomhauer
3
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,420
are going away
on the same weekend.
4
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:55,355
Sometimes I wish I was a worm,
5
00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:57,090
so I could cut myself in half
6
00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:58,892
and crawl in both
their suitcases.
7
00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:00,093
That'll do, Bill.
8
00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:01,028
[HORN HONKING]
9
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:03,931
See ya later, man.
10
00:01:04,097 --> 00:01:05,799
They're coming back,
right, Hank?
11
00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:06,900
Tell me they're coming back!
12
00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:09,870
Damn it, Bill, we go through
this every Memorial Day.
13
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:12,239
Boomhauer will be back
from his family reunion
14
00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:13,474
before you know it.
15
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,242
And even though Dale said
16
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,144
he'd be back
from his UFO convention
17
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:19,346
in 35 Romulan light-years,
18
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,748
it really only amounts
to three days.
19
00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:23,250
Well, amigos,
20
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,018
I guess this is au revoir.
21
00:01:25,152 --> 00:01:26,587
[ENGINE SPUTTERS]
22
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:27,821
[ENGINE STALLS]
23
00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:29,456
Uh-oh. That could
be a problem.
24
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:30,691
Better let me take
a look at that.
25
00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:33,861
Don't bother.
I'm sure it's just the engine.
26
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:35,562
Look, you're going
on a long trip.
27
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,197
I'll just take it
for a test ride.
28
00:01:37,297 --> 00:01:38,565
Uh, that's okay.
29
00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:41,635
The commander of the Federation
is a mechanic at Pep Boys.
30
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:43,203
He'll take a look at it.
31
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:48,242
You, you are coming back,
aren't you, Hank?
32
00:01:49,476 --> 00:01:51,545
It's fine, Hank.
She purrs like a kitten.
33
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,247
DALE [PURRING]:
See?
34
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:54,414
HANK:
Pipe down, Dale.
35
00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:55,949
- I can't hear the...
- [PANTING]
36
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:58,318
Now, come on, hit it, Gribble!
37
00:01:58,418 --> 00:01:59,453
Go, go-go-go.
38
00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:00,587
Boomhauer?!
39
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,623
Dang ol'... H-Hank?
40
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:03,724
Uh...
41
00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:04,992
[NERVOUS LAUGHTER]
42
00:02:05,092 --> 00:02:06,560
[ENGINE CLANGS]
43
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:14,535
So, all of your trips
have been a lie!?
44
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:16,770
You guys were... fishing?!
45
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:20,374
Well, if your goal was to make
Bill Dauterive look like a fool,
46
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:21,909
then you have succeeded.
47
00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:25,012
Bill, you have to believe me,
that wasn't our goal.
48
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:26,847
It was just a by-product.
49
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,715
Well, I won't stand for it!
50
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,717
[GRUNTING]
51
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,121
Again, by-product.
52
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:37,724
It's just wrong, Peggy --
53
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:40,627
ditching Bill like that
for 18 years.
54
00:02:40,727 --> 00:02:43,530
The level of deception
is unbelievable.
55
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:47,367
Hank, you should get those guys
to throw my next surprise party.
56
00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:50,404
Well, I can understand why they
want a little vacation from him.
57
00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:52,472
He definitely gets
on your nerves.
58
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,942
But still, you just can't
do that to a guy.
59
00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:57,144
Uh, I guess
I'll have to fix this.
60
00:02:57,244 --> 00:02:58,478
As usual.
61
00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:00,213
About my surprise party --
62
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:02,316
make sure Boomhauer
videotapes it.
63
00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:04,151
I want to see the
look on my face
64
00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:05,752
when I walk through that door.
65
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:10,290
You sure about this, Hank?
66
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:13,126
It's gonna be okay, Bill.
67
00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:15,596
Fellas, uh,
68
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,731
Bill and I enjoy fishing, too.
69
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:21,068
And if it would be all right,
we'd like to come, too.
70
00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,738
- Well, you know, talkin' 'bout ol'...
- Uh... geez...
71
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:27,708
Look, I promise I'll
keep him in line.
72
00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:31,244
Sure, why not?
73
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,480
Oh, thank you for
including me, fellas.
74
00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:35,816
It makes me
feel... special.
75
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,351
Yeah, screw it.
76
00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,286
We might as well invite
the whole world.
77
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,088
You know, wives and kids.
78
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:43,557
[WHINING]
But I wanted this trip
79
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:44,958
to be just the four of...
80
00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:46,893
Keep it in check, Bill.
81
00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:51,732
Mom, I found my beach shirt!
82
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:55,435
Can you believe
it was in Dad's rag bucket?
83
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:05,979
Boomhauer, I'd move from
behind this truck if I were you.
84
00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:09,249
Ah, wait, the guy behind us
is talking on a cell phone.
85
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,585
Might as well have a bottle
of whiskey in his mouth.
86
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:13,487
You'd better switch back.
87
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:15,956
Gummi Foot, anyone?
88
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:19,526
Just one of the many perks
of riding in the "A" car.
89
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:20,961
You hear that, Bill?
90
00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:22,729
You're in the "A" car.
91
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:25,766
Hey, what do y'all think
is going on in the "B" car?
92
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:27,367
Probably something boring.
93
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:28,902
You got that right.
94
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:30,737
Women and their conversations.
95
00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:33,373
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
Reality TV is so wonderful!
96
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:34,875
Yeah, man, talkin' 'bout ol'...
97
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:37,544
[HIGHER-PITCHED] I've been
using little-little ol' apricot scrub.
98
00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:40,047
Takin' years off your face,
man, that ol' skin.
99
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,181
[CHUCKLING]
100
00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:43,250
[IN FALSETTO]
With these new maxi-pads,
101
00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:45,952
I feel confident enough
to ride a bicycle.
102
00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:47,954
[SIGHING]
Damn it, Bill.
103
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,957
You just ruined
a perfectly good comedy routine.
104
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:52,659
- But I...
- You made it dirty,
105
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,494
and ruined the fun
for everybody.
106
00:04:54,594 --> 00:04:55,729
Sorry, Hank.
107
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:57,464
Now I don't even get a turn.
108
00:04:58,265 --> 00:04:59,866
I have to go to the bathroom.
109
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:01,168
Hold it.
110
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:03,303
Number two.
111
00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:05,439
[SIGHING]
Pull over, Boomhauer.
112
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:10,544
Uh, n-not the Gasco,
the Shamrock.
113
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:16,516
What's with all the beer?
114
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:19,219
Oh, uh, the price was
too good to pass up.
115
00:05:19,352 --> 00:05:22,656
I guess one of you is gonna
have to ride in the "B" car.
116
00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:24,391
Dibs!
117
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,493
Okay, this is your chance.
118
00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:29,362
Don't slobber and don't wipe
your hands on the seat.
119
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:31,298
Church rules -- gotcha.
120
00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:33,400
And for dinner,
I have a Greek salad,
121
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,735
which is eight net carbs,
122
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:37,370
a steak the size of my fist,
11 net carbs,
123
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,639
and all the sugar-free
gelatin I want.
124
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,975
So, that's Wednesday.
Now, what about Thursday?
125
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:44,911
Well, Thursday is the same exact
menu as Tuesday,
126
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,546
but I'll go through it anyway.
127
00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:49,382
I wake up to egg whites
and salsa -- two net carbs.
128
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:51,151
[UNDER HIS BREATH]
Oh, God.
129
00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:53,286
JOSEPH: Hey, dude,
check out my eyelids.
130
00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:56,123
[SHUDDERING GROAN]
131
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:08,935
Uh-oh.
We're out of potato chips.
132
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:11,772
Well, I'm sorry, but you'll just
have to wait till I go shopping.
133
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,874
Give me the list.
I can go to the store.
134
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,942
Sorry, Bobby. This isn't
one of your video games
135
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,711
where if you lose
the grocery money
136
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,212
you can kill someone
and get it back.
137
00:06:19,412 --> 00:06:22,749
Please. It's one less
thing for you to do.
138
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:25,986
Fine.
Here's $100.
139
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,288
You are not to deviate
from the list, mister.
140
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:30,857
And I am counting the change.
141
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:32,559
Where are the guys?
142
00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:34,060
They were right behind us.
143
00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:36,596
Well, when I left,
Bill took charge of the map.
144
00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:38,765
So, they probably got lost.
145
00:06:38,865 --> 00:06:40,433
[TIRES SQUEALING]
146
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:41,968
DALE:
Dee-dee-dum-dum
147
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,704
Dumpty-dumpty
dum-dum-dum squank.
148
00:06:47,231 --> 00:06:49,000
What the heck happened
to you guys?
149
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:51,611
Well, man, dang ol' bonehead
here got us lost, man.
150
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:54,347
I thought we'd make better time
by taking this blue highway
151
00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:55,849
I found on the map.
152
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,117
It was a river!
153
00:06:57,317 --> 00:07:00,420
All right, look, guys,
Bill didn't mean to screw up.
154
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:02,589
Are you kidding?
Bill was great!
155
00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:04,224
If we hadn't gotten lost,
156
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:07,093
we never would've eaten
the best tacos in the world!
157
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:10,130
Or gotten these great
"Tico's Tacos" hats!
158
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:11,832
Tico's Tacos?
159
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:13,633
Yeah, yeah, I know, Hank.
160
00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:16,069
Unscheduled stop,
got us behind schedule,
161
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:18,138
could have given us
stomach larvae.
162
00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:20,941
But you gotta hear
what Bill told the cashier.
163
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:24,444
Well, I just said,
"If it's nacho cheese,
164
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:25,812
then whose is it?"
165
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:28,348
[ALL LAUGHING]
166
00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:29,683
[BOOMHAUER MUMBLING]
167
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,384
Probably h-had to be there, man.
168
00:07:31,551 --> 00:07:32,652
[LAUGHING]
169
00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:34,554
"Nacho cheese."
170
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:37,324
Huh. I don't
know what changed.
171
00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:39,926
When I was in the car,
everything was so tense.
172
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:42,562
[GUYS LAUGHING]
173
00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:44,497
- Nacho...
- Ah, Bill!
174
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:45,899
Huh.
175
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,634
Wait. I see what's
going on here.
176
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,236
Yeah, all these years,
177
00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:51,137
it wasn't Bill
they were avoiding.
178
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:52,606
It was me.
179
00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:55,408
Oh. I just got that
"nacho cheese" joke.
180
00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:56,810
But you think so?
181
00:07:56,943 --> 00:07:58,011
That's terrible.
182
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:04,684
- [BILL GRUNTS]
- Ha!
183
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:07,354
Is that all you got, fat man?
184
00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:11,524
PEGGY:
Hank...
185
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,894
stop pretending
to fix things that are,
186
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,296
A: not ours
and B: not broken.
187
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:18,298
Now, go out there
with your friends.
188
00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:21,835
Huh. Maybe I should try
some 3-in-1 Oil on this.
189
00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:24,137
I know what's going on here.
190
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,705
Your feelings are hurt
191
00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:27,507
because sometimes
your friends have
192
00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:30,677
a better time without you
than they do with you.
193
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,879
But that doesn't mean
they don't like you.
194
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,748
It just means you might have
195
00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:37,317
to change your behavior
just a little bit.
196
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,920
What do you mean,
"change my behavior?"
197
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,688
It's not a big deal,
198
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:44,724
but sometimes, you have
a tendency to, you know,
199
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,793
be a little bossy with the guys.
200
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:47,727
Just sometimes.
201
00:08:47,871 --> 00:08:48,839
Bossy?
202
00:08:48,907 --> 00:08:50,297
If I wasn't "bossy,"
203
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,332
those guys would be
in trouble all the time.
204
00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:54,968
Yes, but nobody likes
being mothered all the time.
205
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,971
Except for Bobby.
He really responds to it.
206
00:08:58,171 --> 00:08:59,406
So, what are you saying?
207
00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:01,541
Just go with the flow.
208
00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:03,877
Let the guys be in charge
this vacation.
209
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:06,479
Who knows?
Maybe you'll have fun, too.
210
00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:09,516
And just keep my mouth shut
when they do something stupid?
211
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,885
Well, what kind of friend
would I be then?
212
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:15,055
Damn it, Hank. Do you want
a Tico's Tacos hat or not?
213
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,323
[SIGHS]
214
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:17,757
Yes.
215
00:09:18,024 --> 00:09:21,194
Dude, see that girl sunbathing
with her top unhooked?
216
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,063
You drop this crab on her back,
217
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,966
and when she jumps up,
I'll look at her boobage.
218
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,835
Joseph, put the crab down.
219
00:09:31,604 --> 00:09:33,373
Hey, check it out.
220
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:34,641
Cool!
221
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,977
Dude, with one of those
metal detectors,
222
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,012
we could, like,
make tons of money.
223
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,513
We got to buy one!
224
00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:42,282
We can use the cash
your mom gave you.
225
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:43,850
But it's for groceries.
226
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:46,987
And I told her I was going to
be responsible with the money.
227
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,689
We can turn your mom's
hundy into a fortune!
228
00:09:51,558 --> 00:09:54,160
It'd be irresponsible
for us not to get it.
229
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:55,628
Hmm.
230
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:58,098
You make a lot of good points.
231
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,433
Stop fussing with my tail!
232
00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:02,635
Just make me a wig
out of seaweed.
233
00:10:02,902 --> 00:10:05,071
Uh, hey, there... guys.
234
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:07,974
Oh, hey, Hank.
235
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,710
Um, we just got a little
sidetracked in loading the boat.
236
00:10:10,877 --> 00:10:13,747
No, uh, looks like you guys
are having a blast.
237
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,448
Here, let me help.
238
00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:17,350
Uh...
239
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,952
[CHUCKLES]
240
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:21,454
Yep.
241
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:24,657
Hey, man, look at that dang
ol' Hank getting into it, man.
242
00:10:28,094 --> 00:10:29,929
So, uh, which one is our boat?
243
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,031
The Queeg.
244
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:34,801
That sure is a lot of boat.
245
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,404
Look, um, Hank, truth is,
246
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:40,206
Boomhauer and I
don't come here to fish.
247
00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:43,910
We come here to...
to search for...
248
00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:45,845
sunken treasure.
249
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:46,980
Huh.
250
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,649
Isn't it great, Hank?
We're gonna be millionaires!
251
00:10:49,849 --> 00:10:52,886
To be accurate, Bill,
we'll be millionarios.
252
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:57,657
You see, in 1898, the Spanish
frigate Juan Sebastian was sunk
253
00:10:57,757 --> 00:10:59,059
in these waters.
254
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:03,596
Its cargo -- 50,000 gold pesetas --
was never recovered.
255
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:06,866
Through our exhaustive efforts
over the last 20 years,
256
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:11,171
Boomhauer and I have determined
exactly where it isn't.
257
00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:15,775
But the ocean, she can't hold
her secrets much longer.
258
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:17,277
Yo, man.
259
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:18,812
[SIGHS].
Uh...
260
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,014
sounds fun.
261
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,483
I'm gonna go get my sunblock.
262
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,454
They're looking
for sunken treasure
263
00:11:27,544 --> 00:11:28,846
for God's sakes.
264
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,391
I-- I understand
it sounds a little stupid,
265
00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:32,926
but that's not the point.
266
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,894
Don't you want to hang out
with your friends?
267
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:36,463
[SIGHS]
All right.
268
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:38,865
As long as you think
it's stupid, too.
269
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:41,568
Go.
270
00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:43,436
Fly, little bird.
271
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:45,505
Bobby, where are the groceries?
272
00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:47,907
Mom, you are gonna be
so proud of me.
273
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:51,478
I took some initiative
and invested our food money
274
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:53,113
in this.
275
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,848
A metal detector?!
276
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,083
Yeah, we're gonna be rich!
277
00:11:57,951 --> 00:11:59,252
Bobby...
278
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:01,254
you are a genius!
279
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:05,558
[SIGHS]
280
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:06,993
Treasure hunt.
281
00:12:07,093 --> 00:12:08,761
I'm on a treasure hunt.
282
00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:10,730
And we're past the breaker!
283
00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:14,367
Mr. Boomhauer, set a course
for 26 degrees North,
284
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:16,603
97 degrees West.
285
00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:17,470
Yeah, man.
286
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,305
Yeoman-Purser Dauterive,
287
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,274
go below deck and fetch me
288
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:23,209
the Igloo cooler
from the galley.
289
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:25,812
Yes, captain, my captain.
290
00:12:26,045 --> 00:12:27,814
So, uh, what do we do now?
291
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:29,716
Do we all put on dive helmets
292
00:12:29,797 --> 00:12:32,634
and look for a big wooden chest
with a lock on it?
293
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,355
No. What we do is,
294
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:37,157
we put the boat on auto-pilot
295
00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:39,125
and wait for
the sonar to find something.
296
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:40,760
But while we're killing time,
297
00:12:40,828 --> 00:12:43,697
we might as well soak up
some rays and catch some fish.
298
00:12:43,963 --> 00:12:46,132
Oh. Well, all right.
299
00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:51,704
[JOSEPH GRUNTING]
300
00:12:51,804 --> 00:12:53,239
- JOSEPH: Fly!
- [THUD]
301
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:56,242
Joseph, honey, that fish
doesn't want to play.
302
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,945
Dale and Boomhauer think
they're gonna find treasure.
303
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,146
Ridiculous.
304
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,948
We're the ones
who are gonna find treasure.
305
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:03,016
[BEEPING]
306
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,918
[GRUNTING]
307
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:06,586
A gold earring.
308
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:08,588
I bet it belonged to a pirate.
309
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,156
Uh, actually, that's mine.
310
00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:11,758
I must have just dropped it.
311
00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:13,826
MAN: What the hell
you think you're doing?
312
00:13:14,827 --> 00:13:16,663
This beach is for locals only.
313
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:17,864
Mom!
314
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,899
Bobby, I've got this
under control.
315
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,101
Always good
to meet a fellow metal-head.
316
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,137
Quite a lot of keys
you've got there.
317
00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:26,773
You must be
a very important man.
318
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,274
One of them starts my truck.
319
00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:30,210
I found the rest.
They're my trophies.
320
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:33,513
Oh, well if we find any more,
we'll send them right your way.
321
00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:36,115
I said this beach is
for locals only.
322
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,985
This is a public beach, sir.
323
00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:41,821
We all have the right to
find other people's belongings
324
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:43,289
and claim them as our own.
325
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:44,691
All right then, Juris Prudence.
326
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,859
You can scan the beach,
but we go first.
327
00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:47,994
Right of First Sweep.
328
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,596
We don't have to listen to...
329
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:50,964
All right, all right.
330
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:52,432
You get first sweep.
331
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,338
Gentlemen, time
for Russian Beer-lette.
332
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:01,474
One of these cans
has been shaken.
333
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,277
One...
[GIGGLES]
334
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:05,712
Two.
335
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:07,313
Three, go!
336
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:08,615
[LAUGHTER]
337
00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:10,683
- He got... [MUMBLES]
- He got you, man.
338
00:14:10,883 --> 00:14:12,151
It's not funny.
339
00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:14,120
[LAUGHS].
Here, Dale, take mine.
340
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:15,822
I'll go get another one.
341
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:19,926
[PHONE RINGING]
342
00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:21,761
Oh, my God, we're rich!
343
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,264
Oh, it's the phone.
What?!
344
00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:25,765
Peggy, you were right!
345
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,233
You were right about everything!
346
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:29,836
I know, Hank, but I need you
to be more specific.
347
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:31,170
The treasure hunt.
348
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,006
The guys have everything
under control,
349
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:35,541
and I'm just laying back,
and it's a blast!
350
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,243
See, I knew it
would all work out.
351
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:40,613
Now, c'mon, man. Bill, do a little
of them dang ol' cannonball, man!
352
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,615
[GRUNTING]
353
00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:47,186
That's not a cannonball!
354
00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:48,888
I'll show you a cannonball!
355
00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:50,456
Shaa!
356
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:51,491
[GROANING]
357
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:52,792
[CHUCKLES]
358
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:55,595
Oh, these guys are a
bunch of crazy nuts,
359
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:57,764
I'll tell ya what.
I got to go.
360
00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:58,631
[LAUGHS]
361
00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:05,171
Come on, Hank.
Cannonball!
362
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:06,239
Cannonball!
363
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:07,874
Yeah, man, dang ol' cannonball...
364
00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:09,208
DALE:
Cannonball!
365
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,877
- Whoo-hoo!
- Yeah.
366
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:15,682
Yeah.
367
00:15:15,882 --> 00:15:17,083
Woo.
[LAUGHS]
368
00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:18,518
I got to tell you guys.
369
00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:20,887
I don't know the last time
I had this much fun.
370
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:23,523
Yeah, this may be
the best trip ever.
371
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:24,624
Ah!
372
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,526
So, should we swim
around to the other side?
373
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:28,461
Why? Is that some sort
of a game?
374
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:29,629
Uh, no.
375
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:31,364
So we can climb
back up the ladder.
376
00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:34,400
What are you talking about?
The ladder's right there.
377
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:37,737
But, fellas, how are we gonna
get back in the boat?
378
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:40,673
[BILL AND DALE SHRIEK]
379
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,208
[HANK EXCLAIMS]
380
00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:51,451
HANK [SIGHING]:
There's gotta be a way back up.
381
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:52,919
BILL:
No, there's not!
382
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:55,188
How are we going to get back
up without the ladder?!
383
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,623
Gonna dang ol' die, man!
Just ol' die!
384
00:15:57,824 --> 00:15:59,125
No one panic.
385
00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:01,661
In times of extreme
duress, the body human
386
00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:03,963
is often imbued with
super strength.
387
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:07,133
I'll dive deep into the water,
and shoot up to the surface,
388
00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:09,135
propelling myself onto the boat.
389
00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:12,171
Gentleman, I'll see you shipside.
390
00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:16,943
Shazaam!
391
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:20,213
Huh. I must've jumped
clean over the boat!
392
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:22,248
We're doomed.
393
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:26,018
MAN:
Hoo-hah!
394
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:28,454
A charm bracelet and
a cigarette lighter!
395
00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:30,623
Oh yeah, up top.
396
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,058
This stinks.
397
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:33,993
Maybe we should
just go swimming.
398
00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:35,528
Hey, Joseph!
399
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,466
No way. We sunk all
our food money into this.
400
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:42,568
Your father will
think we're idiots.
401
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:44,337
Okay, here's what we'll do.
402
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,639
We'll tell your father we were
beaten up and robbed.
403
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,408
Now punch me in the chin.
404
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,042
Mom, I'm not going to...
405
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:51,644
[RAPID BEEPING]
406
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:54,680
Ho-yes!
407
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:55,915
[GASPS]
408
00:16:58,317 --> 00:16:59,786
What is wrong with you guys?!
409
00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:02,455
Jumping off a boat without
lowering the ladder?!
410
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,457
Hey, you jumped off, too!
411
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,826
How do you explain that,
Albert Hankstein?
412
00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:08,261
[SIGHS]
I can't believe
413
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,563
I'm gonna die because
of you knuckleheads!
414
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:13,699
Prepare for an eternity
of me kicking your ass!
415
00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:17,203
Hey, man, the dang ol' last
man pull up the dang ladder, man!
416
00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:18,337
DALE:
Easy, Boomhauer.
417
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,973
You're not exactly smelling
like roses, either.
418
00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:23,543
If you hadn't goaded Bill
into cannonballing,
419
00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:26,712
this deadly chain of events
never would have been unleashed.
420
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:28,581
I only did what I was told!
421
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:30,249
Hey man, dang ol'
screw you, Gribble.
422
00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:31,851
Oh, blame the blamer.
423
00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:35,054
Classy, guys.
Real classy.
424
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:47,066
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]
425
00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:48,468
Hey!
426
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:49,969
[PANTING]:
Hey!
427
00:17:50,136 --> 00:17:52,939
Dale, they can't see you!
Conserve your energy!
428
00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:54,640
I'm getting so tired.
429
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:57,343
I'm just gonna close my eyes
for a minute...
430
00:17:57,477 --> 00:17:59,745
Bill! Stay awake!
Hey, man, I did it, man!
431
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:02,081
I dang ol', broke off the dang
ol' propeller, man!
432
00:18:02,281 --> 00:18:03,649
Boomhauer, why'd you do that?
433
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:05,551
There's gasoline everywhere!
434
00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:07,086
Uh... I dunno, man.
435
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:09,989
[GASPING]
436
00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,726
The only way we're gonna
make it through this
437
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:15,127
is if we stay together!
438
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:18,130
Now everyone get near the boat --
it's easier to spot.
439
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:20,266
I said get next to the boat!
440
00:18:26,305 --> 00:18:28,741
[SIGHS] There's gotta
be something we can do.
441
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,510
I suppose now would
be a good time
442
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:33,279
if anybody had anything
to get off their chest.
443
00:18:33,479 --> 00:18:36,816
You know, before we meet our
maker? Or "make-ress?"
444
00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:38,718
Hey, man, dang I-I do, man.
445
00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:40,520
Dang ol' talkin' 'bout...
446
00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:43,523
well, you know, man,
I-I dye my dang ol' hair, man.
447
00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:46,826
I have one, too.
448
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,327
We lied to you, Hank.
449
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:51,330
Once you left the "A" car,
it was a disaster.
450
00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:54,033
We were at each other's
throats the whole time.
451
00:18:54,233 --> 00:18:57,837
But what about your crazy taco
adventure? And the hats?
452
00:18:58,037 --> 00:18:59,305
We didn't have fun!
453
00:18:59,438 --> 00:19:01,407
We were too
embarrassed to tell you.
454
00:19:01,507 --> 00:19:03,809
And Bill never
said "nacho cheese."
455
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:06,479
It was a joke I got
off a Popsicle stick.
456
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:09,148
Hey, man. You know, you're
the dang ol' glue, Hank.
457
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,851
Huh. Well I-- I appreciate
that, fellas.
458
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:13,986
I have a confession, too, Hank.
459
00:19:14,186 --> 00:19:17,023
In a moment of weakness,
on a dark, rainy night...
460
00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:18,558
I slept with Peggy!
461
00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:20,693
- No, you didn't, Bill.
- I know.
462
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:22,795
Well, smoke 'em if you got 'em.
463
00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,103
Wait, wait, give
me that cigarette!
464
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:34,473
Never! You'll have to pry it
from my cold, dead hands.
465
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,108
Come back in five minutes.
466
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:38,778
No, we can light the gas spill.
It'll start a huge fire.
467
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,846
Maybe that helicopter
will see it.
468
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:45,251
It's not a bad plan...
but this is my last cigarette.
469
00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:47,153
- Come on, Dale!
- Man, go and do it, man!
470
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:48,821
Okay, but if this doesn't work,
471
00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:51,357
I sure hope they have
cigarettes in hell.
472
00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:58,097
DALE:
He sees us!
473
00:19:58,264 --> 00:19:59,732
He sees us! Yeah!
474
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:01,000
Whoo-hoo!
All right!
475
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:02,401
[SHOUTING]
[WHOOPING]
476
00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:04,070
Yeah, man, yeah!
Hey!
477
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,372
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Good work, kids.
478
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:07,607
Best day we've had
479
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,009
since those bales of marijuana
washed up on shore.
480
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,111
Wait. Where's my, uh...?
481
00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:13,379
Looking for these?
482
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,214
Oh. Thanks.
Must've dropped them.
483
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:17,550
Uh-uh.
Metal detector's code:
484
00:20:17,683 --> 00:20:20,386
finders keepers, losers weepers.
485
00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:22,488
Dang, she's savvy.
486
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:24,156
Here's our proposition.
487
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:27,627
We'll swap your car keys for
everything you found today.
488
00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:32,999
You're one tough beach-comber.
489
00:20:35,301 --> 00:20:37,136
Uh-uh. And the Star of David.
490
00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:41,107
Mr. Hill, I gotta
hand it to you.
491
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,375
That was pretty smart thinking.
492
00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:44,243
We saw that fire
from quite a ways.
493
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:47,380
No, I'm just the one who forgot
to lower the ladder.
494
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:50,049
Boomhauer's the one who broke
open the gas line.
495
00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:53,386
Dale's the one who always
carries an emergency match.
496
00:20:53,519 --> 00:20:54,854
And Bill... uh...
497
00:20:54,954 --> 00:20:57,890
well, Bill didn't
make things worse.
498
00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:00,493
Nice try, Hank.
We know we're screw-ups.
499
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:03,129
If it wasn't for you we would
have been dead years ago.
500
00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:07,700
Now that we laughed
in the face of death,
501
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,436
I suggest we bring
a little small-town justice
502
00:21:10,536 --> 00:21:12,772
- into that biker bar.
- No.
503
00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:15,074
Hey, let's go play
chicken on jet-skis.
504
00:21:15,241 --> 00:21:16,175
No.
505
00:21:16,242 --> 00:21:18,511
Am I hungry, Hank?
Because I feel hungry.
506
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:22,515
Well, we haven't eaten
in a while, so... yes.
507
00:22:03,789 --> 00:22:06,325
DALE [LAUGHING]:
Not yo' cheese.
508
00:22:10,029 --> 00:22:14,529
I
I
509
00:22:14,579 --> 00:22:19,129
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