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1
00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:39,773
There you go, captain,
just the way you like it.
2
00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:41,074
Oh, you're done?
3
00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:44,044
Yeah, I cut it quick because
I really know your head.
4
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:47,014
And I don't know what you'd do
if I was ever out on maneuvers
5
00:00:47,114 --> 00:00:48,582
or became a POW.
6
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:49,950
I guess I'd go to him.
7
00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:51,785
Or him or him.
8
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:54,221
We're getting worried
over nothing.
9
00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:56,356
How'd you like to see the back?
10
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,066
Yep.
11
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,401
Yup.
12
00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:09,002
Mm-hmm.
13
00:01:09,102 --> 00:01:10,671
[MOURNFUL SIGH]
14
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,372
If I never went back to work,
15
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:13,941
I don't think
anyone would notice.
16
00:01:14,141 --> 00:01:15,342
Sure they would, Bill,
17
00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:17,978
when there's suddenly
enough food to go around.
18
00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:22,316
The point I'm trying to make is,
you're fat.
19
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,117
I don't know,
with all the reservists,
20
00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:25,486
there's a lot of fat guys.
21
00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:27,821
But guys who are as bald
as you are, too?
22
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,957
Hey, I heard a funny joke
the other day.
23
00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:33,026
Uh, it was, uh,
uh, wait, that was
24
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,629
more of an interesting
grill order, I guess.
25
00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:36,697
[WEAK CHUCKLE]
26
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:38,632
Yeah, yeah,
that's pretty good, Hank.
27
00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:43,804
Well, we've seen him
like this before,
28
00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:45,806
and it ended
with me spending Christmas
29
00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:47,641
pulling his head
out of the oven.
30
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:49,710
We're gonna help him,
and we're gonna start
31
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:51,678
by putting an end
to all the insults.
32
00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:52,713
But Hank, he's a...
33
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:53,947
No, Dale.
34
00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:56,250
He knows he's bald,
he knows he's got a gut,
35
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:58,285
and he knows his wife
ran around on him.
36
00:01:58,385 --> 00:02:00,053
He doesn't need you
reminding him.
37
00:02:00,153 --> 00:02:01,788
[STIFLED WHIMPER]
38
00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:07,294
Uh, kinda... thought
you'd gone home there, Bill.
39
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,630
[WHIMPERS SOFTLY]
40
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:12,266
Mom, do you know
what the heck this is?
41
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,968
I found it in the closet,
and I was gonna give it
42
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,370
to Joseph to burn.
43
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,838
My Pong!
44
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:18,906
Your what?
45
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,173
Pong. It's only
46
00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:22,609
the single greatest
video game ever invented.
47
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,711
So, what am I up against here --
48
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,848
Zombies? Serial killers?
Drug dealers?
49
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:30,284
Nope. Two lines and a dot.
50
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:32,719
[MONOTONOUS BEEP]
51
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:33,887
[BEEP]
52
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:35,322
That's it?
53
00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:37,224
That's the whole game?
54
00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,226
It's even more boring
than real tennis.
55
00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:42,396
That's because you don't know
how to put English on it!
56
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:44,498
[HIGH, LOW AND MEDIUM TONES]
57
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,700
"English," you say.
58
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:50,671
Bill, I'm taking you
to the one place in town
59
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:53,040
that can fix whatever
you got going on.
60
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:55,909
You know, the despair,
and whatnot.
61
00:02:59,246 --> 00:03:00,914
I'm so glad
you'll be helping out
62
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,516
with Seniors Bingo Night.
63
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,685
Your main job
is to wake them after the game,
64
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,086
and tell them where they are.
65
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,055
[BOTH GIGGLING]
66
00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:11,058
Oh, it's been so long
since I met someone
67
00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:13,694
who shared my interest
in helping people.
68
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,662
Mm-hmm.
I know how you feel.
69
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,264
[MEN SINGING]
70
00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,267
With those strong legs,
71
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,669
you should be able to carry
a lot of bibles, eh?
72
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:24,338
[GIGGLING]
73
00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:26,073
And maybe after,
74
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,742
I could get you
to hang some decorations.
75
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:30,811
I shouldn't be climbing ladders.
76
00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:32,212
[GIRLISH GIGGLING]
Oops.
77
00:03:32,312 --> 00:03:33,947
[SINGING CONTINUES]
78
00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:45,726
? Is when I fall in love with ?
79
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:50,697
? You ?
80
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,232
[LAUGHING AND CHEERING]
81
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,101
[GASPING]
Who are they?
82
00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:55,869
Oh, that's the Harmonaholics.
83
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:58,572
Normally they practice
in the VA, but it flooded.
84
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:02,342
ALL: Harmonaholics
together forever!
85
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,615
You know, Bill,
I'm not a priest.
86
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:11,351
The church
permits me to explore...
87
00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:17,691
[HORN HONKING]
88
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,829
I am William Fontaine
de La Tour Dauterive,
89
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,098
and I demand
that you let me join you!
90
00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:26,800
And why should we do that,
William?
91
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:29,336
I need something like this
in my life!
92
00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:31,938
But why do we need you
in our life?
93
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:35,175
Please! You guys are the most
beautiful thing I've ever seen.
94
00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:36,810
- And?
- And ever since
95
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:38,512
the first moment
I saw you inside,
96
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:41,581
I knew I had to be
a part of you. Please!
97
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:48,088
Very well.
98
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:51,525
I suppose you've earned,
uh, an audition! Lights!!
99
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:57,330
Let's see if you've got
what it takes to be one of us.
100
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:59,099
Sing him in, boys.
101
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:02,536
? Dee-dee-dee-dee,
dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee ?
102
00:05:02,669 --> 00:05:05,906
? I'm singin' in the rain ?
103
00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:10,010
? Just singin' in the rain ?
104
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:13,880
? What a glorious feeling ?
105
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:16,850
? I'm happy again ?
106
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,351
Smiles!
107
00:05:18,518 --> 00:05:20,654
KRIS:
Hands! Hands!
108
00:05:21,455 --> 00:05:24,591
? With a happy refrain ?
109
00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:26,760
Balls of the feet! Diaphragm!!
110
00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:30,030
? Just singin' in the rain ?
111
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,131
Enough!
112
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:42,342
So, I got something
that's gonna cheer Bill up.
113
00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:44,377
Cowboys vs. Miami.
114
00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:45,679
Monday night.
115
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:49,616
[DORKY NOVELTY HORN
PLAYING A SCALE]
116
00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,286
I did it!
117
00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:55,956
I'm in! I'm a Harmonaholic!
118
00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:57,758
? For he's
a jolly good fellow ?
119
00:05:57,891 --> 00:05:59,860
? For he's
a jolly good fellow ?
120
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:02,329
? For he's a jolly
good fellow ?
121
00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:05,065
? That nobody can deny ?
122
00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:11,471
? For he's
a jolly good fellow ?
123
00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:13,473
? For he's a jolly
good fellow ?
124
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,876
? For he's
a jolly good fellow ?
125
00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:18,311
What the hell was that?
126
00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:19,880
I joined a men's chorus!
127
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,281
[STIFLED CHORTLING]
128
00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:23,383
It's called the Harmonaholics!
129
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:25,485
- More like assoholi...
- Dale!
130
00:06:25,585 --> 00:06:27,754
I told you to lay off Bill.
131
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:31,691
So, uh...
a men's chorus. Huh.
132
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,794
It's great.
Singing for Kris --
133
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:36,129
well, there's no way
to describe it.
134
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:39,099
Oh, and the love the guys have
for each other.
135
00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:41,134
- [PAINED STIFLING]
- Easy, Dale.
136
00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:43,103
And look
at these nifty uniforms.
137
00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:45,005
This shirt is pretty sharp, huh?
138
00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:46,807
Hank, for God's sake!
139
00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:48,408
It cost me a pretty penny,
140
00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:52,112
but as Kris says, "You got
to spend money to make...
141
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,780
m-m-m-magic!"
142
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:56,316
[SCREAMING]
143
00:06:57,184 --> 00:07:00,120
Well, I'm off to
practice my moves.
144
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:05,458
Oh, man. Dang ol'... huh.
145
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:07,194
Well, I know we were hoping
146
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:10,263
he'd chose something
a little less... god-awful,
147
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:13,266
but it seems to be keeping him
out of the morgue.
148
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:20,307
All right, let's go
everybody -- warm-ups.
149
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:21,908
[SINGING INTERVALS]
? La-la-la-la-la-la-la ?
150
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,476
Let's see those hands, Larry!
151
00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:24,978
Turn and step!
152
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,713
Keep those finger-guns
in the holsters!
153
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,583
Emotion, Otto, emotion!
154
00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:31,518
Too much emotion!
155
00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:36,857
Let's bring it in, people!
156
00:07:37,138 --> 00:07:39,708
Does everyone know the most
important word in this chorus?
157
00:07:39,852 --> 00:07:40,727
- Pitch?
- Rhythm?
158
00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:41,795
Fun?
159
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,029
Sacrifice!
160
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:46,233
We all have a lot of competing
pressures in our lives.
161
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:47,734
People are gonna tell you
162
00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:49,870
there's more important things
than the chorus.
163
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,204
[GUYS SCOFFING]
164
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,406
You laugh,
but I've heard it all.
165
00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:56,176
"I can't do the chorus;
my son has a football game."
166
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:58,345
"I can't do the chorus;
I have to go to work."
167
00:07:58,511 --> 00:08:00,780
"I can't do the chorus;
we have couples therapy."
168
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:02,515
What do we think of that, Joe?
169
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:03,817
We need to be strong!
170
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,085
So, what are we gonna do?!
171
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:08,588
[IN UNISON]
Tuuuuuune them out!
172
00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:09,823
All right, then.
173
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:12,993
Okay, let's all welcome
our newbie, William.
174
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:14,861
So, William, are you wearing?
175
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:15,862
What?
176
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:18,265
Everyone in the chorus wears
the same custom underwear.
177
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,267
It gives us a tremendous feeling
of community.
178
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:21,468
I'm so sorry.
179
00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:22,903
Please, please
don't kick me out!
180
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,905
It's okay, Bill, you're new.
181
00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:27,340
You see, in olden times,
182
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,643
brothers swore their
loyalty to each other
183
00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:31,745
and took an oath with
their very blood.
184
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:35,081
We wear silk underpants.
185
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,184
Those underpants
symbolize our commitment.
186
00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:39,552
Like Otto here.
187
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:42,055
He flies in from Amsterdam
almost every week.
188
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:43,823
But we all have stories.
189
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:46,092
What kind of underpants
190
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,261
do you want to put
on tomorrow morning?
191
00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:49,963
Silk!
192
00:08:57,637 --> 00:08:59,005
[PHONE RINGING]
193
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:01,541
Military Grooming and Hygiene.
Captain Hart speaking.
194
00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:03,310
BILL:
Good morning, Captain Hart.
195
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:05,912
I regret to inform you
that I am too sick
196
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:08,315
to perform
my barbering duties today.
197
00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:10,750
I will need to use
one of my sick days.
198
00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:12,118
[PHONY COUGHING]
199
00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:19,993
[VOCALIZING]
200
00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:26,833
[VOCALIZING CONTINUES
IN THE BACKGROUND]
201
00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:39,713
[PHONY COUGHING]
202
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:43,683
[VOCALIZING CONTINUES
IN THE BACKGROUND]
203
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:53,393
[SLOW, STEADY BEEPING
OF PONG GAME]
204
00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:58,598
You are going down, little man!
205
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,433
You got no game, Mom!
206
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:01,501
No game!
207
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:03,970
Yeah? Here I come!
How you like me now?!
208
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:06,840
You're not ready?
Bill's show's in an hour.
209
00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:09,009
We're not going, Hank.
I'm trying to teach Bobby
210
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,011
an important lesson...
in humility.
211
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,045
Shee-yah!
212
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,915
[SLOW, STEADY BEEPING
CONTINUES]
213
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,253
Well, it's probably a bad idea,
214
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:22,689
but I'm gonna keep an open mind.
215
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:28,028
Hey, Nancy has that same blouse.
216
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,496
Three adults.
217
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,164
You guys are big fans
of the 'Holics, huh?
218
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,299
Uh... uh, I guess.
219
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,402
I love 'em too.
What's your favorite song?
220
00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:38,204
Uh... So, uh, so
that was three adults.
221
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:40,440
I know what you're thinking --
if this guy loves them so much,
222
00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:42,208
why doesn't he get off
his butt and tour with them?
223
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:43,910
Well, Kris
had other plans for me.
224
00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:45,812
Let's face it -- if I'm sewing
the names on the underwear,
225
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:47,914
that's more time for them
to be focusing on the music.
226
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,150
And I also get to run their
fan club out of my house --
227
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:51,418
The Harmonaholicholics.
228
00:10:51,516 --> 00:10:52,519
Here's all the info.
229
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,093
What's up, Otto?
You wearin'?
230
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:01,361
You know it.
You wearing?
231
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,562
Wearin' like a baron.
232
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:03,863
Dauterive!
You wearin'?
233
00:11:03,963 --> 00:11:04,931
Yeah.
234
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,099
Wearin' like a...
235
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:07,667
flare gun?
236
00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:09,269
Nice!
237
00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:14,174
? If I should call you up,
invest a dime ?
238
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:17,577
? And you say you belong
To me and ease my mind ?
239
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:21,548
? Imagine how the world
Would be, so very fine ?
240
00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:24,517
? So happy together ?
241
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:26,486
[HOLDING NOTES]
242
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:30,757
? I can't see me
loving nobody but you ?
243
00:11:31,057 --> 00:11:33,827
? For all my life ?
244
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,162
? Shoo-bop-shoo-bop-shoo-bop ?
245
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:38,465
? Bop-shoo-bop-
shoo-bop-shoo-bop ?
246
00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:40,967
? Bop-shoo-bop-shoo-bop-
shoo-bop ?
247
00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:44,204
? Bop-shoo-bop-
shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop ?
248
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:47,107
? Bop-shoo-bop-shoo-
bop-shoo-bop, hey! ?
249
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:50,410
[MAKING MOTORCYCLE NOISE]
250
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:58,251
Oh, thank God that's over.
251
00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:00,053
KRIS:
You asked for it, you got it!
252
00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:02,222
One more song!
253
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:09,295
Yep.
254
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:10,897
Yup.
255
00:12:11,030 --> 00:12:13,366
? Yep-yep-yep-yep-
yep-yep-yep ?
256
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:15,602
Oh.
Mm-hmm.
257
00:12:15,768 --> 00:12:18,004
So, what'd you guys think
of the show?
258
00:12:18,204 --> 00:12:20,406
Normally, I'd tell you
to go to my Blog,
259
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:22,876
but even that's being
censored by Hank.
260
00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:24,644
Maybe you should ask him.
261
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,312
Well, it was, uh...
262
00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:28,148
you know, it had its, uh,
263
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,683
features and, uh...
264
00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:33,119
So you're really getting
something out of this, huh?
265
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:35,255
Oh, yeah, I'm so lucky.
266
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:36,856
Sometimes I can't believe
267
00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:39,392
that they let a guy like
me stay in the chorus.
268
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,861
That's why I have to sacrifice
more than anyone
269
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,464
to let them know
I deserve to be a 'Holic.
270
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,032
What do you mean, "sacrifice"?
271
00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:49,435
Well, I spend most of my
paycheck on gloves and top hats.
272
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:52,005
Both my toes have hammered
because of all the dancing,
273
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,207
plus I used up all my sick time.
274
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:57,343
The Army thinks I've got
hepatitis -- the bad one.
275
00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:59,913
Wait, you're lying
to the U.S. Army?
276
00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:01,714
I have to do
what I have to do, Hank.
277
00:13:01,814 --> 00:13:03,616
The chorus demands sacrifice.
278
00:13:03,816 --> 00:13:05,518
Well, sacrifice
is a great thing,
279
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,320
for your country or family,
280
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:09,756
but you can't give your
life away to these guys.
281
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:10,857
Brian did.
282
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:12,825
- Bill, you're...
- No, Dale.
283
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:14,160
Bill,
284
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,528
I think you've...
285
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,564
[HUMMING]
286
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:19,432
Dang it, Bill, you're
gonna listen to me.
287
00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:21,401
I'm not gonna let you
throw everything away
288
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,336
just so you can sing
with a bunch of...
289
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,572
a bunch of...
a bunch of guys.
290
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:27,140
"Guys?!"
291
00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:29,108
You gotta let me
in on this, Hank!
292
00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:30,410
No, Dale!
293
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:33,746
But, Hank, this is my chance
to be part of something special.
294
00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:35,181
You have a job.
295
00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:38,685
I'm not saying you shouldn't sing,
if you feel you have to.
296
00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:41,087
You should just keep
it in perspective.
297
00:13:41,187 --> 00:13:43,556
Mm, perspective.
298
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,525
I got you, Hank.
299
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:53,866
Dauterive,
300
00:13:54,033 --> 00:13:56,869
General Murray is coming in for
a haircut at 1900 hours.
301
00:13:57,036 --> 00:13:58,371
But I got plans tonight.
302
00:13:58,471 --> 00:13:59,739
You're not going anywhere.
303
00:13:59,939 --> 00:14:01,274
You've got no vacation days,
304
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:03,710
you've got no sick days
and Dawson is on maneuvers.
305
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,039
At 1900 hours, you better be
here with a scissors in one hand
306
00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:08,448
and a comb in the other or you're
AWOL, you got that, sergeant?
307
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,926
Done.
308
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:25,164
? In a restless world like this is ?
309
00:14:25,231 --> 00:14:27,867
? Love has ended
Before it's begun ?
310
00:14:27,967 --> 00:14:30,837
? And too many moonlight kisses ?
311
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:34,474
? Seem to cool
In the warmth of the sun ?
312
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:41,914
Huh, so, uh,
313
00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:45,018
I noticed a lot of those
chorus guys had wives.
314
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:46,185
Yup.
315
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:47,854
Mm, mm-hmm.
316
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,257
Excuse me, gentlemen,
I'm Captain Hart.
317
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,992
I'm looking
for Sergeant Dauterive.
318
00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:55,928
Hank Hill, assistant manager,
Strickland Propane.
319
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:57,730
Don't worry,
I talked to Bill, sir.
320
00:14:57,864 --> 00:14:59,365
He should be at his post.
321
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:00,566
Well he's not.
322
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:03,936
If Dauterive isn't at his chair
by 1900 hours, he is AWOL.
323
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:05,838
He's one missed hair cut away
324
00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:08,307
from a court-martial
and a dishonorable discharge.
325
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:13,146
Aah, Got-dang Harmonaholics.
326
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:15,014
Okay, we've got to find Bill.
327
00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:17,450
Yeah, man like a dang ol'
needle in a haystack, man,
328
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:19,118
how you gonna do that, man?
329
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:24,857
[SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYS]
330
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,360
Remember us from the concert?
331
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:30,763
Somehow I made my way
onto your mailing list.
332
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:34,000
We need to know where
the chorus went to and pronto.
333
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:35,802
You mean the PBS telethon
in Dallas?
334
00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:37,070
It's gonna rock!
335
00:15:37,236 --> 00:15:38,471
Come on, guys.
You heard him.
336
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:39,772
Let's find that station.
337
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,408
Hey, man, what you talkin'
bout, dang ol' Cowboys
338
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:45,111
versus Dolphins, man,
Monday Night, man.
339
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:48,114
Lord forgive me for
saying this, but...
340
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:49,916
there will be other games.
341
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:51,384
Wait!
342
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:52,985
I can't send
a Harmonaholicholic away
343
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,754
without at least a cup of tea.
344
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,134
Come on in, you guys.
345
00:15:56,212 --> 00:15:58,825
You can sit on the couch Kris slept on
when he missed his plane.
346
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,426
[SIGHS]
Look.
347
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:02,895
You seem like a nice guy,
so I'll tell you this
348
00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:04,731
for your own good.
349
00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,499
Judging by the two times
I've met you,
350
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,568
your life has been
a waste so far.
351
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,269
Forget these chorus guys
352
00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:12,672
and find a nice girl
or at least something
353
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:15,375
productive to do,
like a stamp collection.
354
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:17,210
Your local postmaster
can help you.
355
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,411
Here's his number.
356
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,351
I have this important
haircut with the general.
357
00:16:25,451 --> 00:16:27,620
Do you think anyone would
notice if I leave early?
358
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:29,355
Uh... leave early?
359
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:30,423
[SINGING STOPS]
360
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,325
Did I just hear what
I think I heard?
361
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,793
Probably.
You're never wrong.
362
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,595
This is a chor-us, William.
363
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:36,929
Not a chor-me.
364
00:16:38,297 --> 00:16:41,300
If you leave,
Otto's gonna turn and sing
365
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:44,771
"I want to know what love is"
to nobody!
366
00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:46,472
He'll look like a fool!
367
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:55,948
[HIGH AND LOW TONES]
368
00:16:58,284 --> 00:17:00,052
Don't you have homework to do?
369
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,188
Don't you have housework?
370
00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:04,524
I gotta take a bathroom break.
371
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:05,858
Fine. Go ahead.
372
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:08,528
- But...
- That's Pong, kiddo.
373
00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:13,199
[LIPS MUSICALLY PULSATING]
374
00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:22,108
We can only bring you this kind of
quality commercial-free programming
375
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,811
through the generosity
of viewers like you,
376
00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:28,114
and McDonald's,
home of the McGriddle.
377
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,783
McDonald's -- I'm lovin' it.
378
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,258
Dang it! Where is he?
379
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:45,331
? Mah-may-mee-mow-moo ?
380
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:46,332
This way!
381
00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:49,168
? Mah-may-mee-mow-moo ?
382
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:50,670
I want you all
to hear something.
383
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:53,439
Last week's ten is this week's
seven, do you understand?
384
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:56,576
Hands in,
Harmonaholics on three.
385
00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:57,944
One, two...
386
00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:58,711
No!
387
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:01,247
Okay, we made it.
388
00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:03,549
Come on, Bill,
let's get you back to the base
389
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,251
before you ruin your life.
390
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,253
But I've got the music
in me, Hank.
391
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:10,356
Okay, let's all tune this out.
392
00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:12,058
No. Tune me in.
393
00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:14,193
Bill, you're committing a crime.
394
00:18:14,293 --> 00:18:15,795
And you're abetting a crime.
395
00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:18,798
A crime would be
to deny the world this:
396
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,302
But Bill, you're gonna be AWOL!
397
00:18:23,402 --> 00:18:25,071
You're gonna
get court-martialed!
398
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,574
Okay, you guys are up.
399
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:31,844
Come on, Bill.
400
00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:33,746
William.
401
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,351
Dang it, Bill,
402
00:18:38,484 --> 00:18:40,419
why won't you just
listen to reason?
403
00:18:42,221 --> 00:18:44,457
Okay, Dale -- help him.
404
00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,325
Wait, is this a trick?
405
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:48,160
Nope, let 'er rip.
406
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:49,829
Just keep it clean.
407
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:50,863
Bill!
408
00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:53,232
Bill, you have to be
the stupidest man
409
00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:55,568
on the planet to think
this is a good idea!
410
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,470
Have you seen what
you're wearing?
411
00:18:57,570 --> 00:19:00,840
That outfit makes you look
like a sequined train wreck!
412
00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:02,275
Look at you!
413
00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:05,011
You're part of
a 12-headed jackass!
414
00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:07,780
This chorus is the feces
415
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:12,285
that is produced when shame
eats too much stupidity!
416
00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:15,855
You people make me envy
the deaf and the blind!
417
00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:17,590
Underwear!
418
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:18,624
Money!
419
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:19,759
Fat!
420
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:20,927
[PANTING]
421
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:23,396
But, I belong to something
great here.
422
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,998
I even got a nickname -- William.
423
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:27,667
[WHEEZING]
424
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,569
Hank.
425
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:31,671
Bill, you already
have a nickname --
426
00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:34,640
Army Sergeant-Not-
In-Jail-Dauterive.
427
00:19:34,807 --> 00:19:36,509
Remember you asked
if anyone would notice
428
00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:37,878
if you didn't go to work?
429
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:39,412
Well, the Army sure noticed.
430
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:42,148
If you don't get back to cut
the general's hair, you're AWOL.
431
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:45,117
The Army is going to lock
you up for 30 years.
432
00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:47,286
You know how much that's
going to cost them?
433
00:19:47,453 --> 00:19:49,322
Hundreds of thousands
of dollars.
434
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,057
I'd say that's taking notice.
435
00:19:51,223 --> 00:19:53,593
But the Harmonaholics
are my friends.
436
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:54,827
Are they really?
437
00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:57,563
All they've asked from you
is to give, give, give.
438
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,565
Well, friendship
is a two-way street.
439
00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:01,100
Heck, you know we gave up
440
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,536
Monday Night Football
tickets to come get you?
441
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:05,871
That's a friend.
Not these guys.
442
00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:17,650
You're right, Hank.
443
00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:19,518
I gotta get back to the general.
444
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:20,853
Let's move.
445
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:24,724
William?
446
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:25,925
William!
447
00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:28,961
You.
How'd you like to be a star?
448
00:20:30,129 --> 00:20:31,497
Where's Sergeant Dauterive?
449
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,436
[PANTING]:
General.
450
00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:38,938
Would you like to...
451
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,873
to have... a seat?
452
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:44,343
You know, you're the only
Army barber I let touch my hair.
453
00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:46,579
Thank you, sir.
454
00:20:46,712 --> 00:20:48,547
I always say the 110th
has the best barber.
455
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:50,549
We fight hard,
and we look good doing it.
456
00:20:55,988 --> 00:21:01,060
[SLOW, STEADY BEEPING]
457
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:06,132
Well, we missed the Cowboys,
but we bailed Bill out.
458
00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:09,535
Oh, sorry, I guess you're
in the middle of your game.
459
00:21:09,835 --> 00:21:12,838
[MONOTONOUS BEEPING]
460
00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:15,107
[HIGH AND LOW TONES]
461
00:21:53,179 --> 00:21:55,648
[LIPS MUSICALLY PULSATING]
462
00:21:55,698 --> 00:22:00,248
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