Original subtitles

Buon giorno, what can I get you?

Well, what do you recommend to a couple of real big spenders?

My boyfriend likes the surf n' turf.

Medium cheese pizza, two waters. Tap.

Thanks for inviting me out, sir.

Yeah, yeah, well, this ain't a social call, son.

You know the Strickland Propane Family Fun Day?

The Strickland Propane Family Fun Day?!

We haven't done that in five years.

Well, glad you liked it

'cause this party is what I'm giving everyone

instead of health insurance

so we can't mess it up.

That's why I'm putting you in charge.

I will treat this picnic with all the gravity

and seriousness it requires.

( Microphone feedback )

( Tapping on microphone)

Good evening and buon giorno.

The live entertainment portion of our evening

is about to begin, so would you please

give a warm welcome to John Redcorn

and Big Mountain Fudge cake.

John Redcorn?

( Strums electric guitar)

( Microphone feedback )

Maria's Pasta and Pizza, are you ready to rock?!

There's a hole in my pocket where my money should go

( loud '70s rock plays )

There's a hole in my heart where you used to go

There's a hole

And a hole

And a hole...!

Big ol' hole

( rock guitar solo plays)

(yells): Let's get the hell out of here!

( loud music continues )

So, sir?

What specifically did you have in mind for this picnic?

Uh-uh! I delegated.

You're the lead monkey on the back of this ostrich.

So go make me a picnic!

Hank.

Oh, uh, hey, John Redcorn.

You finished already?

We are finished forever.

Got fired from playing for free.

It don't get any lower than that.

That dang manager never got what Fudge cake is all about.

No one ever does.

We're either ahead of our times

or possibly way behind,

stuck in some more classical time.

But either way, us and our times

aren't seeing eye to eye.

Yeah, well, uh, I'm sure you and your times will work it out.

I couldn't help overhearing you have a big event coming up.

Yeah...

And we sure could use a break, Hank.

Well, uh...

Don't you like to rock?

Wow, you're sure giving me a lot to think about here,

uh, but I got the family waiting at home.

I'll get to work on him.

Dang it!

That is the third piece of toast you've broken.

And you're always so careful with your toast.

What's wrong?

( Sighs ). Strickland Family Fun Day.

Do you think if I got good enough meats

it would count as entertainment?

You got to have live entertainment, Dad!

Music, magic...

Some people even do both.

Entertainment is the only thing that distracts people

from realizing how much they don't like each other.

So what am I gonna be listening to while I eat this?

I don't know.

Finding a band for under a hundred dollars

is harder than you think.

Hey, Hank!

The picnic's going great, sir.

Good, good, 'cause I just got back from Strickland West

and they've had a tough year

in terms of general disgruntlement.

Really need this picnic to be fun.

You see what kind of pressure I'm under?

You're like one of them astronauts, honey.

Hank?

Uh...

hey, John Redcorn.

Did you find a band for your picnic?

No, he didn't.

And the poor bastard's all twisted up over it.

In the animal kingdom,

many animals work together in symbiosis.

The oxpecker bird will eat the ticks and parasites off a zebra.

You and I can be zebra and oxpecker, too.

But why don't I let our demo tape do the talking?

( Rock guitar plays) I am the reaper

The collector of souls

I am the taker

And the smasher of bowls

Mothers cry

Children die

Alone...

( music stops )

( Sighs ). Okay, I'm sorry, John Redcorn.

I'm not hiring you. No way.

...I see...

You know, you start doing massage to pay the bills

and you tell yourself,

"Just a few more years of this, Johnny."

And one day you look up and you're 40.

You're 40, Hank!

Okay, there, John Redcorn,

you, uh, you make some good points.

( Door closes )

Look, maybe you should stop waiting for other people

to make things happen for you.

What does that mean?

Uh, well... maybe what you need to do

is to, uh, bet on yourself.

A lot of really successful people did that.

Bet on myself?

Sure-- it's your dream, you make it happen.

Bet on yourself.

Wow, Hank.

You are very wise.

Thank you. Thank you.

( Air hissing )

Dang it, Joe Jack, that helium is for the picnic.

( Squeaky ): Sorry, honey.

HANK: The guy asked me if I wanted honey mustard

and I almost took a swing at him.

Long story short, I got a good deal on classic yellow.

The pony guy said what?

What the hell is pony season?

What in the...?

Joe Jack, I'm gonna have to call you back.

Hey, John Redcorn, what's going on?

Doing a little improvement on your land?

I'm doing an improvement on my life.

On all of our lives.

You said it.

Isn't it exciting?

I'm following your advice, Hank.

No more relying on other people

to wake up and "get' us.

Now, I'm gonna have a permanent place

to play with my band.

I'm betting on myself and opening a casino.

But that's crazy.

No, it's brilliant.

Now we have a permanent venue for Fudge cake to play.

Like Wayne Newton and the Stardust.

You're a genius, Uncle Hank.

There's a hole in my pocket where my money should go

There's a hole

And a hole...!

Wheedle-leedle-leedle...

( imitating guitar)

Oh, God.

So John Redcorn is opening a casino.

I always wanted to see a white tiger before I died.

I feel like it's my fault.

I'm the one who told him to bet on himself.

If I wasn't so dang busy

finding entertainment for this picnic,

maybe I could've done something to stop him.

Relax, Hank.

You know what loosens

the caboose of any party?

Big Mountain Fudge cake!

Want me to see if they're available? No.

They've got a super boffo Bachman-Turner Overdrive

meets Deep Purple versus ELO kind of sound.

What are you, their manager?

Yes!

Can you believe the slot was open?

I guess you were wrong, Hank.

Dreams do come true.

( Playing hard rock )

(clapping )

Evening, gentlemen.

Where can I find John Redcorn?

Oh, he's the visionary right over there,

the one dripping with sex appeal and turquoise jewelry.

Hello, brother Indian.

I am Henry Man killer with the Tribal Gaming Corporation.

You got my e-mail! Cool website.

Yes, and I hope you are enjoying your subscription

to Gaming Nation.

Exactly what kind of Indian are you?

I am I/64th Creek on my mother's side.

So about your casino.

Actually, it's just temporary. To get our band going.

Let's show him.

( Feedback )

Gotta get money for the things I wanna buy

Gotta get money so in the plane they'll let me fly

Gotta get money or else I'm gonna die...

This is where the drum solo usually goes.

With a sound like that,

you're not going to need gaming for long.

I completely get that.

But we can accelerate the process.

We are, after all, in the dream building business.

We got a dream that needs building.

You see... we are one-stop shopping for everything casino.

We can save you the hassles of dealing

with the white man's loan officers by financing everything

through our tribal development division.

That means your band

is making gold records that much faster.

This pen has been used by many of our people

to apply for financing.

Do I look like I know what a JPEG is?

I just want a picture of a god-dang hot dog!

Dad, the news is not good.

Swing band... no.

'50s tribute band... no.

Even the polka band... no.

Well, there was this one guy.

I think he felt sorry for us.

His name is Bloomers.

He does "imagitainment."

Well, I have a band.

Call Bloomers.

Let's open with "I Need Money."

We can transition to "Gotta Get Money"

and do a whole money medley.

I love that song!

Gotta get money for the stuff I wanna buy!

We are going to do some serious rocking.

And then people are going to hear us and love us

and we're gonna be huge.

This is so exciting!

Ooh, ooh, ooh, I bought a whole bunch

of make-ups for y'all to wear.

( Groans )

Uh, Luanne?

Can I speak to you, outside?

Listen, Yoko.

I'm the manager of this act

and I'm sick of you trying to split them apart.

What's a Yoko?

Okay, Missy, that's it.

If you ever come within 100 feet of Fudge cake again,

I will spend the rest of my life

making you miserable.

I'm gonna... my purse is inside...

Get!

Is this fun?

I suggest you book Fudge cake now,

because after the casino opens,

they might be too big for you.

They're gonna be helping kings and dignitaries

get their groove on.

They're not right for us, Dale.

There are going to be little kids at this picnic.

And we already hired someone.

Bloomers.

Fine, but can I at least count on you all

to be there tonight for the Fudge cake

when they open the casino?

Well, I do have to be there to keep an eye on Buck.

He wants to "parlay" the picnic money

on the gaming tables.

Don't be surprised if Buck forgets all about that

because the power of rockin' does things to a man.

It's true.

I made a lot of my life decisions at a Foghat concert.

I stand by them.

This night is full of magic.

Which one of these tables looks lucky to you, ol top?

Well, I'm not sure,

but why don't I hold on to the picnic funds

so you have more room for your winnings?>?

Ooh, what about that one?

What about...?

Hold on, I gotta rub that waiter's head for luck.

Hank, thank you.

None of this would have been possible

without your advice.

Yeah, that's okay.

I don't really want to take credit for any of this,

but, uh... you're welcome, I guess.

Hugged by an Indian!

We're winning big tonight!

Everybody, put your hands together

for Big... Mountain... Fudge cake!

( Polite applause )

Thank you, Arlen!

And now, here's a song about a band...

A band that no one gave much of a chance to,

until one day that band showed everyone

that they could rock!

A one

and a two and a...

MAN: Freeze. Police.

( Electric guitar grow silent)

Okay, everyone, let's have a nice orderly egress.

Is this some kind of joke?

We're shutting you down, sir.

This is an illegal gaming establishment.

But we're on Indian land.

Look at me. Look at all the headdresses.

Yes, sir, and that land is in Texas

where there is no Indian gaming.

No Indian gaming?

Didn't you wonder why

there weren't any other Indian casinos in Texas?

I thought it would work to our advantage.

They're wheeling away our shot at glory,

just like they're wheeling away them shiny machines.

Fudgecake's in a bad, bad way.

But this is my land.

My one chance to be heard.

I've already spent

all the money I borrowed.

How can this be happening?

Texas tribes traded their federal gaming rights

for state recognition of their tribes.

Now, you can let the folks play for trinkets

and combs and whatnot, but not for money.

But that's incredibly lame.

Well, yes... but legal.

Hot damn.

That's blackjack!

Congratulations, sir.

Very lucky.

Blackjack pays... a stuffed lion.

How am I gonna stick this in a G-string?

Where's everyone going?

They're gonna miss our show!

This is a sad, sad day.

The white man never stops putting you down.

"The white man"?

How could you not know

there was no gaming in Texas?

Look, the dream business is not extremely detail-orientated.

Anyway,

just stopped by to give you a friendly reminder.

You still owe us $23,000.

I could sue you.

Possibly, but you'd spend years

in the white man's courts

fighting the white man's lawyers--

Which we have a lot of.

Instead, I have a solution that's good for all of us.

Permit to allow toxic dumping?

Unless you have another way to come up with the money.

Oh, and, uh, keep in mind

your topsoil will become very flammable.

Not only have I failed as a musician,

I'm going to have to destroy my own land.

My people's land.

Come on, guys.

Did we give up when I left the "E"

off of all of our merchandise? No.

And we wore those "Fudgecak" T-shirts

with pride.

Now, you guys keep focusing on being stars,

and I'll focus on a way to fix this.

You look like I feel

whenever I run over one of my dogs.

Everybody seems pretty happy.

Bloomers has good buzz.

Yep. We sure pulled it off.

No, Hank-- we a/f did.

Oh. I mean-- we did!

Psst. Bloomers.

Get in the car!

Why? I just got here.

Hey, I'm driving you to the green room, ese.

I got all kinds of cheeses back there.

Gribble?

Got him.

Good. Make him disappear.

You want me to kill him?

What?! No!

Although...

No, just drive him around,

but I'm happy you're being pro-active.

There are no bad ideas.

I wanna go! I'm bored.

You said this would be fun!

I thought there was gonna be Bloomers.

Make Bloomers be here.

Where the heck is Bloomers?

Dad, things are not good.

I've been circulating among the kids

as "Roberto Hillenbrand,"

and they're bored.

If Bloomers doesn't show up,

there's talk of a possible egging.

Hank, what the heck is going on?

I just got a backful of raw hamburger.

I don't know what happened, sir..

Now they're tipping over port-a-johns.

If you got a plan "B,"

you better put it into action pronto.

Mr. Strickland makes a good point.

All hell does appear to be breaking loose.

At least if you book Fudge cake,

you tried something.

BOY: Ooh, let's tip this one over.

MAN: Occupied, honey.

( Crashing )

Dale, get me Fudge cake.

We got a gig. We got a gig!

Aw, wow.

The Strickland Family Days Picnic.

Family Days?

That ain't rock and roll.

What does it matter? An audience is an audience.

Fudge cake don't play family picnics.

It'd send the wrong message.

I ain't going.

And I double ain't going.

Are you crazy?

This is a paying gig... with hundreds of people!

Yeah, well, the 'cake don't sell out.

REDCORN: Hank.

What in the heck is going on?

Where's the rest of the band?

I thought I owed it to you to tell you in person--

We broke up.

Fudge cake is dead.

( Sighs)

Well, I guess I'll go break it to the crowd

that we don't have any entertainment.

They'll probably yell and throw stuff at me.

Then Buck will yell and throw stuff at me

and fire me.

( Sighs ). Well, maybe that'll be entertaining for folks.

Hold on a second, Hank.

John Redcorn, you're the heart and soul of the 'cake, man!

You can play this gig yourself!

Alone? Me?

Besides, kids aren't going to want to listen to me.

The BMF sound is universal.

You can adapt.

Hmm... I guess there is that song about killing myself.

I could rewrite it so it's about personal hygiene.

Love it. Now, go!

Hello, and welcome to the Strickland Family Fun Day.

I am John Redcorn.

Here's a song I wrote after government agents

shut down my gambling establishment

and I wanted to die.

Wake up, just want to...

Wash myself

Clean my wrists

Scrub my brains out

Hey, ya, hey, ya, hey-ya-hey

Hey-ya-hey, hey-ya-hey

They'll miss me when I do...

So, you and your son having a good time?

Hey, ya, hey, ya, hey

Hey-ya-hey, hey-ya-hey...

There's a hole in the jar where the cookies should go

There's a hole in the tank where the fishies should go...

There's a hole, and a hole, and a hole...

Yeah, when I first found Redcorn,

he was in some go-nowhere,

White snake-meets- White-Lion-meets-Great- White rip-off group,

but I recreated him as the Native American Raffi.

Hey, ya, hey, hey-hey, ya...

REDCORN/KIDS: There's a hole, and a hole, and a hole

There's a hole, and a hole, and a hole.

( Metal guitars playing )

I'll tell you, Elvin, this is rock and roll.

Hell, yeah!

(Singing)

I I

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