Original subtitles

I I

Well, it's either just a crack in the driveway

or the Chinese are making their move.

Yeah, uh, either way we start repaving tomorrow.

As usual the beer, steaks, and Icy Hot are on me.

( Cheering )

Dude, did you see the billboard for that new show?

It's got a chick sitting on a race car,

pouring champagne on a dude.

Nothing wrong with that.

What's it called?

I think they're calling it Daytona 500.

Daytona 500!

500 what?

500 bachelors? 500 dwarves?

Oh, look at me. I'm already hooked!

It's gonna be great.

Its on FOX.

They have that one show

where they give a girl a bigger boobie,

then make her do something gross

for the second bigger boobie.

Man, that sounds great,

but my Dad has a channel block on FOX.

We'll have to watch it at your place.

No. My dad steals cable from your dad,

so we don't get it either.

Joseph, we are unblocking Daytona 500.

Enrique?

Hey, Hank.

Uh, morning.

What are you doing here at this hour?

Thought I'd get an early start.

What's happening with you?

Well, uh, I keep wanting to turn on the lights,

but they're already on.

Well... uh, guess I'll get some coffee.

Hey! So, so what's new?

Well, we should be getting those new M380 tongs in.

Looks like they'll handle a porterhouse and then some.

Oh. Yeah.

So how's the family?

Anything new at home?

Uh, at home I'm installing a new driveway.

But back on the work front...

A driveway?!

Now that's a project I can really sink my teeth into.

Hey, I'll stop by and give you a hand.

Uh, stop by, huh?

Uh, that's a mighty generous offer, Enrique,

but I got plenty of help already

from my friends back home,

so, uh, again, thank you very much.

No problem.

So see you later.

Strong!

Strong, right?

That's... that's right, Enrique.

Hey, Dad,

you know what would be a good way

of teaching me responsibility?

How about you agree to unblock the FOX network,

and I agree not to watch it?

Is it football season?

No. Then it's blocked.

Boy, Enrique's been acting pretty dang weird lately.

Weirder than this?

(giggles)

Not like that.

I mean like everywhere I turn,

he's there, hanging around, talking about things.

It's like all the sudden he wants to be my best friend.

Ah.

There is a word in Enrique's culture

that describes this exact type of behavior: "amigos.�

But we're not that.

For the last 20 years we've been work acquaintances,

and everything's been great.

When you mix friendship and work

you're opening up a whole can of worms.

Why do you think Buck Strickland never has us over?

I'm not interested in this conversation.

I suggest we talk about music.

Hey, I just realized what's going on here.

All those questions, showing up early,

the half-sandwich he tried to share with me...

Enrique's looking for a promotion.

Guess I'll have to tell him nothing's available.

It won't be fun, but I can handle that.

Okay, name that tune in one note.

( Sings note )

I am Mighty Thor!

(grunts)

I wish we could rip up this driveway for all eternity.

( Horn honks )

Hey, Hank!

Oh, God.

Hey, Enrique.

I brought rebar.

Guys, you remember Enrique from Strickland.

Uh, is this some kind of

bring-a-coworker- to-home day?

Hey, so what are we waiting for, huh?

Let's get this show on the road.

Yeah, but...

( grunting )

I'm Thor.

I know, Bill.

Good work, guys.

And, uh, Thor.

See ya.

See you later.

You, too, Enrique.

You, uh, probably want to be

heading towards your truck right about now.

Good night.

Here it is...

Enrique, I noticed lately you've been working really hard,

and I appreciate it, but as far as a promotion goes,

I'm sorry, there's nothing available right now.

( Moans)

Hank, my marriage is falling apart.

I'm so unhappy.

I don't know what to do.

You're the only one in the world I can turn to.

Okay, then.

I'll see you at work.

I I

I I

Oh, look at him out there, Hank.

I was right.

Enrique was longing for a human connection.

Well, he's not getting it from me.

I'm his boss.

But he could be depressed.

Or he could be paranoid.

He could be a lot of things,

but me getting in the middle of it won't do anyone any good.

The man needs help, Hank,

and it looks like

he's not going anywhere till he gets it.

( Sighs)

I'm telling you, this is a mistake.

Wait, where are my truck keys?

I need something to jangle.

80, uh, what's the good word, Enrique?

My marriage is crumbling.

Our love is dead.

I feel hollow inside, like a ghost.

There's been a lot of birds flying around town lately.

Any feelings about that?

Hank, ever since the children moved out,

Yolanda and me-- I don't know--

Things just aren't the same anymore.

It's, it's like, like we don't even know who we are.

Yeah, the problem here is with your wife.

You should probably be talking to her.

Yup, I guess that's the plan.

Go talk to your wife.

No, I can't talk to her.

I am a man.

Besides, Yolanda is not as easy to talk to as you, Hank.

What about someone else?

Someone who knows you personally?

Like a priest or a soccer coach?

Impossible.

I am a Mexican-American,

and in my community it would be a disgrace

to speak of my marriage problems.

Mexicans don't talk about their feelings?

That's great.

So, uh, why'd you give that up?

Hank, I need you.

( Sobbing )

I'm in so much pain.

I'm-I'm really alone.

( Sobbing )

Well, uh, I don't want

to keep you, Enrique, so, uh...

Ah, Enrique.

Please, come in.

Look, everybody,

it's Enrique.

Hello, Mr. Enrique. Hi.

Oh, Raymond.

This is a good TV show.

I will turn it up for you.

See what happens when you miss your nap?

You get cranky.

( Chuckling )

{( laughing )

That's funny, huh?

This is a good time.

{( laughing )

And then he asked me what we're doing this weekend.

I panicked and I think I let dinner

at Long John Silver's slip out.

See, Enrique is asking about you.

Now you need to ask about him.

Find out what the problem is in his marriage.

Is he there for her emotionally?

Look, all I know about him is that he likes blue pens

and he staples horizontally, and that's all I should know.

Maybe he's selfish in bed.

( Groans )

BOBBY: I think I figured out

my dad's password.

It's not "Ladybird"?

Dang it.

I've tried everything.

What's his freakin' password?

I know.

What about "fire starter"?

No.

How about "bug"? "Space needle"?

"Macaroni salad"?

Stop it, Joseph.

We've got to think like my dad.

What are you

boys up to?

Uh, propane.

(gasps)

Propane.

HOST: America has made the choice

and now you get to see the results.

What do you think of your new face?

WOMAN: I love it.

HOST: Now, if you want to keep it,

you have to eat your old nose and lips.

Hey, Hank.

That was a good time

last night watching Raymond, huh?

Hank has the best remote.

It's universal.

You had a Raymond party, honey?

I had to watch it at the damn Jolly Lamplighter.

What's Hank's house like?

I always picture him having lots of cats.

Hey, does Hank have slippers,

or does he just walk around in his socks?

I think people need to spend more time

cleaning the plastic steaks

and less time discussing my home life.

Hey, you know what's really cool?

Hank comes off all stiff and formal here,

but you can tell he really loves his wife.

Oh, God.

Is he affectionate with her?

Well, the thing about Hank and Peggy's relationship...

Got dang it, Hank, this is the busiest day of the month

and you're bragging about your lovemaking with your wife?

Now get back to work!

Dang it, Hank, we've been waiting forever

to work on the driveway.

We're almost too drunk to use power tools.

( Belches)

Beg pardon.

Sorry, Buck made me stay late.

Let me go change and I'll be right out.

{( laughing )

Hey, it would take forever to iron my shirt with this.

See what I'm saying?

{( laughing )

Enrique?

Hey, everybody, Hank's home.

How was your day at work?

(laughs ). Just kidding.

I was there.

But now it's gift time.

For adorable Luann, an adorable stuffed animal.

( Giggling ): How did you know?

And for Bobby, who's growing into a man,

beef jerky.

Wow.

For Peggy, who stands up for what she believes in,

the Rocky box set.

And for my friend, a gallon of driveway sealant.

Now let's get this party started... with music.

Dang it, Peggy. This has got to stop.

Enrique has to talk to his wife,

not hang out here.

Of course he does, but he can't seem to do it.

That is where you come in.

But| don't want to come in.

Hey, Hank.

Thanks for the raise.

That's very good, Enrique.

Look, Hank, he's beginning

to drive me a little crazy, too.

That laugh, his childish sense of humor...

Now quit being so stubborn.

Step in now and we'll be done with all this.

Enrique, Hank is going to give you

a ride home and fix everything.

Really?

Yes, but he's going

to need all the details.

Don't hold back.

No, I won't.

See you, Dell!

See you, Boomhauer!

Okay, so here's the deal with Yolanda and me.

I tell her she's pretty all the time,

but she never tells me I'm handsome.

Do you think I'm handsome, Hank?

ENRIQUE: I don't know.

Maybe it's because when I married Yolanda

I was a virgin and she wasn't.

Oh, no. She is one of her moods.

Drive, Hank. Let's go.

No. Apparently Peggy thinks

I need to help Yolanda and you

work this thing out.

80, uh, all that intimate stuff you told me,

you're going to tell it to Yolanda.

( Speaking Spanish )

( Kissing noises )

( Speaking Spanish ) Hank ( speaking Spanish ).

( Speaking Spanish )

Uh, okay then.

( Continuing in Spanish )

Mm, fresh concrete.

Boy, that smell really helps me

put all that Enrique stuff in perspective.

I can't wait till it dries to see how she parks.

And to think my wallet's in there somewhere.

Hank, I spit in the concrete,

so when I mysteriously disappear,

you'll be able to use my DNA to create the perfect neighbor--

Half man, half driveway.

So, how'd it go?

I didn't get the feeling that me being there helped out a lot,

with the yelling and the finger-pointing and all.

No, that's good. That's breaking the ice.

I have a good feeling about this, Hank.

Hey, are you Enrique's friend, Hank Hill?

Uh, I'm his assistant manager, yes.

Yo, we got some garbage for you.

Hey, stop it. That's fresh concrete.

Our sister Yolanda says

she doesn't want this stuff around her house anymore.

And she doesn't want this either.

( Yelling )

( Grunting )

Hey, Hank.

What happened, Enrique?

Yolanda kept yelling

and I didn't like the way she was talking about you,

so I told her so and, uh, that got her even madder.

Looks like we're going to be roommates a while, huh?

Or family.

Enrique Hill.

{( laughing )

I I

I I

( Enrique humming )

This is not good.

Oh, God, he's not getting ready to laugh, is he?

He's not moving in with us.

Of course not.

I don't know.

Maybe he shouldn't be back with Yolanda.

Maybe you should tell him to be single.

No, look, we don't know

if Enrique should be back with Yolanda or single.

He's got to figure it out for himself.

Hey, you guys.

I can imitate any animal. Watch.

( Clucking )

{( laughing )

I'm a chicken!

You can fry me for dinner.

{( laughing )

We do this my way, Peggy.

Enrique, your fantasy life with me and my family

has ended: welcome to the Dear born.

This is where husbands who can't work out

their marital problems come to live.

But...

Stop it.

Understand you are not coming back with us.

Uh, okay.

It doesn't look too bad.

Here we are in the community room,

where a lot of our singles like to congregate.

No flagman shots!

You spin again, I'm going to neck-punch you!

Oh, Enrique, I'd like you to meet T.J.

He's a regular

at many of our events.

The events are an excellent way to meet women.

Hey, you like to party?

Oh, yeah. Who doesn't?

Yeah, we're gonna party together.

You like margatinis?

Fridays around here are called Weekend Warrior Fridays,

and it's all the margatinis you can drink.

Hey, uh, good guys, huh, Hank?

Now let's go search for the letter "B."

Well, off to the mall.

Have fun.

Later, much.

I thought she'd never leave.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Daytona 500.

Is this it?

It's just a bunch of cars going around in circles.

It'll get better.

You think?

Like, maybe the Hilton twins

will have to run across the track.

I hope something happens.

( Car crashing )

Cool. Cool.

The Murphy bed allows you

to adjust the size of your living space

from big to small,

depending on your specific needs.

So when can he move in?

Now.

At the Dear born, we never require advance notice.

We find it's how many of our

"suddenly single" residents prefer to do business.

This looks great, right, Hank?

I should sign up, huh?

Party every night.

I can't answer that, Enrique.

All I know is that you'll either

be living here or with Yolanda.

Not with us.

But I want you know that whatever you decide,

it's none of my business.

DALE: Ride it!

BILL: Ooh, hang on!

Hang on! You got it!

DALE: And nine seconds!

A new record.

Congratulations,

Boomhauer.

My turn.

( Grunting )

And one second.

PEGGY: This is lovely.

It's nice to be able to tell a joke

and not have someone roar, �Si bueno,"

and pound the table.

I would just like to propose a toast.

To Hank, for making this quiet family dinner possible.

Nicely done, Hank.

I'm not sure we should be doing any celebrating just yet.

( Pounding at door)

ENRIQUE: Hey, let me inside!

Open up!

Enrique?

I'm out here.

I want to be in there.

Uncle Hank, are we going to be murdered?

Shh, this is the critical juncture.

We can't give in.

No matter how bad it gets, and it will get bad,

we must stand firm.

Then everything can go back to normal.

Hello?

Hey, open up!

I got presents.

I guess you can't hear me.

( Grunting )

I'm sure that's your car in the garage.

( Phone ringing )

Come on, pick up. Come on, pick up.

I'm really lonely out here.

Peggy, you haven't told me how you'd make Rocky /!I better.

Hello? It's family time.

Let me in!

Let's just play one game of Monopoly with him.

No.

Let me in!

Bark, bark, I'm a dog.

No, no, I'm a chicken.

Chickens are what you like.

( Doorbell chimes rapidly )

( Sobbing )

( Sighs)

(weakly ): I've got presents.

It's over.

It's over.

Adios.

Morning.

Hey, Hank. Nice day.

Yup. Good grilling weather.

Yeah, those new tongs should really move.

So, how'd it go with Enrique and Yolanda?

Are they going to therapy?

Do you think they're truly reconciled,

or do you think she'll kick him out again?

Peggy, I have no idea.

(laughter)

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