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Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
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00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:18,607
and 20th CENTURY FOX
TELEVISION
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00:00:32,799 --> 00:00:33,960
Take your time, Bobby.
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00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:35,662
You're not just
wallet shopping;
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00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:37,261
you're learning
a valuable lesson
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00:00:37,304 --> 00:00:38,567
in money management.
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00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:40,630
Savor it.
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00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:46,446
This one.
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00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:50,043
That'll be $135.
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00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:51,448
Dad, pay the man.
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00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:54,250
Now, why would you pick
that overpriced thing,
12
00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:56,655
when there's
a sturdy, reasonably-priced
13
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,385
$15 one right in front of you?
14
00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:00,052
Well, this one's pretty snazzy,
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00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:03,654
and it looks like
it can hold a ton of money.
16
00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:04,323
Bobby...
17
00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:05,490
That way,
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00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:06,966
if I wanted to impress someone,
19
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,934
I could pull out
a really big wad of cash.
20
00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:09,936
Bam!
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00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:12,496
Dad, give me
a big wad of cash.
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00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:15,839
What are you trying to do,
Bobby, get us mugged?
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00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:18,174
Hmm!
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00:01:18,211 --> 00:01:21,203
Why would you go waving
your money around in public?
25
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:22,443
'Cause it's cool,
26
00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:24,883
and I think
it makes people like you.
27
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,512
How much money
do you make a year, anyway?
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00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:30,615
Bobby, where did you pick
up that kind of talk?
29
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,989
I thought you wanted
to talk about money.
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00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:36,656
I did. Quietly and without
mentioning any dollar figures.
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00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:40,827
Bobby, only jackasses go around
saying how much money they make.
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00:01:40,867 --> 00:01:42,631
What are you
talking about?
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00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:46,333
Julia Roberts makes
20 million a picture.
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00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:48,899
Are you calling
America's Sweetheart a jackass?
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00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,535
It's just vulgar, Bobby.
36
00:01:50,577 --> 00:01:52,671
The amount of money a man makes
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00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:55,080
is between him
and the professionals
38
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,049
down at the H & R Block.
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00:01:57,084 --> 00:01:59,143
PEGGY:
Who were we talking to
40
00:01:59,186 --> 00:02:01,814
in Dallas
for 37 minutes?
41
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:03,721
Oh, I remember.
42
00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:04,883
( Shudders )
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00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:07,087
Where did I go
wrong, Peggy?
44
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,118
How did I raise a
son who goes around
45
00:02:09,162 --> 00:02:11,153
with that filthy
money-mouth of his?
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00:02:11,198 --> 00:02:13,326
He actually had
the audacity
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00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:16,029
to ask me how much
I make a year.
48
00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:17,161
Hmm. I do not know
49
00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:19,298
where he would get
an attitude like that.
50
00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:20,898
It certainly was not
from us.
51
00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:22,739
We raised him
to be uncomfortable
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00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:24,335
about anything
that personal.
53
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:28,076
BOBBY: Dad,
Ladybird's scooting again.
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00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:30,743
Oh, uh... hey, son.
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00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:32,843
'You guys were talking
about money, weren't you?
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00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:34,320
No.
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00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:37,054
Yes, you were!
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00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:38,114
'You were paying bills.
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00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,387
No, we weren't.
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00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:41,758
We... we were...
making out!
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00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:44,093
Peggy?!
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00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:45,394
Then what's this?!
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00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:47,924
42, eh?
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00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:49,026
Bobby!
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00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:50,468
Let me help!
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00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,632
Why? So you can blab to
the whole neighborhood
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00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,402
how much your mother's
haircuts cost?
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00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:56,000
I'm not a little kid.
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00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:57,602
( Groans )
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00:02:57,644 --> 00:02:59,806
Now, where were we?
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00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:01,075
Ah...
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00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:02,309
Oh, no.
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00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:04,113
It was the phone bill.
74
00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:06,377
Yep.
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00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:08,013
Yup.
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00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:09,489
Mm-hmm.
77
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,821
My boy asked me
how much money I make.
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00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,189
The nerve!
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00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:14,716
The less kids know
about money,
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00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,729
the less likely they are
to rat you out
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00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:19,095
under the pressure
of a federal investigation.
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00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:21,066
I tell you what,
it's tough enough
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00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:23,934
to teach a kid to judge people
on their character
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00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:27,304
without TV and the MTV filling
their heads with nonsense.
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00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:28,774
TV is an open sewer!
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00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:31,073
Yeah, man, I tell
you what, man.
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00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,340
On dang ol' MTV Cribs, man,
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00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:33,744
talking about ol' Ja Rule
on there, man.
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00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,145
He got a dang ol'
whole refrigerator
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00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:36,809
full of that ol'
"Crystal' champagne, man.
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00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:38,978
Well, I better head in
for dinner.
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00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:41,044
Bobby's probably
badgering Peggy
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00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:43,455
about how much
her wedding ring cost.
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00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:45,151
( Sighing )
95
00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:48,253
So... how much you think
ol' Hank is pulling down?
96
00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:49,763
I'll tell you
what, man.
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00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,924
That dang ol' blue
truck last year,
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00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,592
they don't come
cheap, man.
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00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:55,567
( Grunts)
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00:03:55,602 --> 00:03:56,831
Gotchal
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00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,668
HANK: Yep, got my check today.
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00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:01,174
( Half-whispers ):
80?7 How much was it for?
103
00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:02,698
Not to be Bobby about it.
104
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:03,972
HANK:
A thousand dollars.
105
00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:05,409
( Chuckling ):
That's right.
106
00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:06,879
You're going
to have dinner
107
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:09,348
with the man who made
a thousand dollars today.
108
00:04:09,382 --> 00:04:10,781
( Chuckling )
109
00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:12,285
( Sighs)
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00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:15,118
Well, that's a pretty
generous bonus.
111
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:17,089
Yep. Not quite
as good as last year,
112
00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:20,219
but people just aren't grilling
like they did last year.
113
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,126
Boy, last year
was something else.
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00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:24,130
BOBBY:
So, the way I figure it,
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00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:28,397
my dad makes a
thousand dollars a day.
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00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:31,063
That's $365,000 a year.
117
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:31,900
Whoa!
118
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:33,372
Yeah, whoa.
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00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:35,465
But check it out.
120
00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:36,977
He's been doing it
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00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:38,671
for 20 years.
122
00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:42,307
That's... $7,300,000!
123
00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:43,475
No way!
124
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:45,884
Yeah, and he barely
spends a dime,
125
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,286
so he's got all that
money just sitting around.
126
00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:49,550
What's he
spending iton?
127
00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:50,613
Our house?
128
00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:51,988
( Snickers )
129
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:55,518
That thing cost a million,
maybe two million, tops.
130
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:56,859
I don't know.
131
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:58,524
Are you sure about this?
132
00:04:58,565 --> 00:05:01,762
BOBBY: There's got to
be something somewhere
133
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:04,533
that proves we're rich.
134
00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:09,834
"Oil records"?
135
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,605
Why is it locked?
136
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:19,745
Because it's about my
dad's secret oil wells.
137
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:21,345
My dad's got oil!
138
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:22,651
Dude, you're rich.
139
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:24,589
'You're-you're really rich.
140
00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:26,217
I am.
141
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:28,694
This is so cool.
142
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:36,901
Tell you what, Bobby.
143
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:40,168
Let's say we tally ho it over
to the money room.
144
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:43,370
Capital idea,
Dad, capital.
145
00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:58,384
Well done, son.
146
00:05:58,425 --> 00:06:00,189
Thank you, Father.
147
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,830
CONNIE:
I don't know, Bobby.
148
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:15,206
We've lived next door
to you guys for a long time.
149
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:16,607
You don't seem rich.
150
00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:18,543
I mean, you
guys don't have
151
00:06:18,578 --> 00:06:20,171
half the stuff we do,
152
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,682
and everything you do have,
we have a better version of.
153
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,844
Well, my dad's always going off
154
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,377
about how cheap stuff
is just as good
155
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:28,717
as expensive stuff.
156
00:06:28,755 --> 00:06:31,622
He spent half of dinner
last night saying,
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00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:34,855
"Anyone who says
they could tell the difference
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00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:38,957
between this and real Coca-Cola
is lying, I tell you what."
159
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,933
Well, I guess it's possible.
160
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:43,959
Maybe your dad
is one of those rich misers.
161
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:45,096
A what?
162
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:47,072
A lot of rich people
are just crazy.
163
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:48,836
They hang on to every penny.
164
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:50,172
Howard Hughes
would wear
165
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:51,678
Kleenex boxes
on his feet,
166
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:54,078
and he wrote
a whole instruction manual
167
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:57,345
on the exact way his staff
should serve him a peach.
168
00:06:57,384 --> 00:07:01,981
My dad wrote a 13-step system
for putting away groceries.
169
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,956
Oh! And there was
this woman.
170
00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:06,823
They called her
"The Witch of Wall Street."
171
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:09,727
She was so cheap
that when her son got sick,
172
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,061
she wouldn't even pay
for a doctor,
173
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:14,590
and they had to cut
the kid's leg off!
174
00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:16,124
Whoa!
Gross.
175
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,695
CONNIE: Boy, it seems
like the richer people get,
176
00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:20,103
the cheaper they get.
177
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,700
And the cheaper they get,
the crazier they get.
178
00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:25,507
HANK: Bobby, time
to wrap pennies!
179
00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:30,207
Dang it, Peggy,
who threw out
180
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,740
this mayonnaise jar?
181
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,220
I use these to
store extra screws.
182
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:36,450
(gasps )
183
00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:42,856
Look at him!
184
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:45,058
Breaking his
back to wash his truck.
185
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,224
Oh, God.
186
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:47,791
I don't want
to lose my leg.
187
00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:49,063
Can you imagine
188
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:51,127
the cheap fake leg
he's going to buy me?
189
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:52,866
He'll probably just
make it himself
190
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,840
out of a broom handle
and a shoe horn.
191
00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:56,433
I don't think
he's that crazy.
192
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,410
BOBBY:
Yet!
193
00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,914
But I can't
take any chances.
194
00:08:00,947 --> 00:08:03,211
He just needs
to loosen up.
195
00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:05,877
Maybe if I can get him
to spend a little money
196
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:08,115
and see it's not
the end of the world,
197
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,280
he won't go crazy.
198
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,723
Hey, go ask him
to buy us some horses.
199
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:13,522
We'll ride them to school.
200
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:14,755
We'll be legends.
201
00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:17,354
No, I've got to find
something he likes,
202
00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:20,367
ease him into prying open
that wallet of his.
203
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,494
When he sees
how much fun it is,
204
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:25,402
there won't be anything
standing between me
205
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:28,703
and that sweet
chinga-ching-ching.
206
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:31,040
JOSEPH:
Hey, did you guys hear?
207
00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:32,203
Bobby's rich.
208
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:33,644
Turns out Mr. Hill
209
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,240
is some kind of crazy
millionaire oil something.
210
00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:37,909
Joseph, Sug,
you know better
211
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:40,249
than to spread
silly gossip like that.
212
00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:41,947
What did Reverend Stroup say?
213
00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:45,151
It was something about Jesus
and gossip, and it rhymed.
214
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,818
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
215
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,056
Tell me more of Hank's
fortune, Joseph.
216
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:50,927
Connie says
he's some kind
217
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:53,456
of, like, rich miser
or something.
218
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,559
The Millionaire Next Door.
219
00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:59,539
I read that book, but I had
no idea it was about Hank.
220
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:02,999
Hank, will you buy me
a ratchet set?
221
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,306
( Sighing ).
No, Dale.
222
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:05,709
How about a nightclub?
223
00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:08,146
I'll call it "Hank's."
224
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:09,706
HANK:
Just how soft are
225
00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:11,342
these soft begging strips?
226
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:14,251
'Cause, uh, Ladybird's gums
are very sensitive.
227
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:15,755
Hey, Dad, look at this.
228
00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:19,987
"Now you and your dog can ride
a burro into the Grand Canyon."
229
00:09:20,026 --> 00:09:22,188
Huh, so they put the reins
right in her teeth.
230
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:25,323
I know.
Can you believe it?
231
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,834
Ladybird gets to keep
the sombrero.
232
00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:29,995
Ladybird looks
great in a hat.
233
00:09:30,036 --> 00:09:31,162
Well, she sure does,
234
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:32,501
but I don't know.
235
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:34,371
Don't think about it;
just do it.
236
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:35,568
You deserve it!
237
00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:37,508
God knows Ladybird deserves it.
238
00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:38,670
( Chuckles )
239
00:09:38,711 --> 00:09:40,941
There's a sing-along
at the bottom.
240
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:43,074
Well, it does sound
pretty great.
241
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,174
It is great.
242
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:45,707
You'll have the time
of your life,
243
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,117
and I'll get
a pinball machine
244
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:48,450
and have the time
of my life.
245
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:49,284
What?
246
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:50,346
And then I'll get
247
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:52,449
a Slurpee machine
and a white tiger.
248
00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:55,427
Oh, thank you, Dad.
This is going to be so great.
249
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:56,725
Dang it, Bobby.
250
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,857
I'm not going to start
tossing money around
251
00:09:58,898 --> 00:10:00,798
like a drunken
roughneck on payday
252
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:03,201
just because you don't
have any money sense.
253
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:04,362
Look at her.
254
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:05,565
She's crushed.
255
00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:08,864
You happy how?
256
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,746
Bobby, sit down.
We need to talk.
257
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:19,115
Have you reconsidered
the pinball machine?
258
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,820
( Faughs weakly )
259
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:24,654
Son, everything you buy
costs money,
260
00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:26,090
which somebody has to earn.
261
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,355
Now, one way or another,
262
00:10:27,393 --> 00:10:29,225
I'm going to get you
thinking right.
263
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,856
But I'm not the one
thinking crazy.
264
00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:34,560
Now see, that's exactly
why your mother and |
265
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:36,535
have decided to make
some changes
266
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:38,003
with your allowance.
267
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:43,799
But that's how much
I always got.
268
00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:45,811
Hold on.
I'm not done yet.
269
00:10:45,845 --> 00:10:48,439
Now, you rented that video game
last Friday, so...
270
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,812
( garbled shriek )
271
00:10:49,849 --> 00:10:51,977
Oh, and, uh,
you returned it late...
272
00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:53,679
Hey, quit it!
273
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,449
And you bought
that Teen People
274
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:56,922
at the Get In Get Out.
275
00:10:56,956 --> 00:10:58,583
I've itemized it all here
276
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:00,684
on your invoice.
277
00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:02,024
Two dollars?
278
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:04,996
But I wanted to go to the movies
with Joseph today.
279
00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:08,331
That sounds like fun,
and I'd be happy to drive you,
280
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:10,530
if you can earn the rest
of the money you need.
281
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:12,937
Hey, you could collect cans.
Five cents each.
282
00:11:12,972 --> 00:11:15,498
It's like the streets
are littered with nickels.
283
00:11:15,542 --> 00:11:17,271
'You gotta be kidding!
284
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,802
Nope. Oh, you're going
to need a couple
285
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:21,405
of heavy-duty
garbage bags.
286
00:11:21,447 --> 00:11:22,846
This ought
to cover 'em.
287
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:30,115
Don't be surprised if Bobby
comes around asking for those cans.
288
00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:31,351
( Chuckles )
289
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:34,588
I taught him
an important lesson today.
290
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:43,759
Go ahead there, Hank,
take alf the beer you want.
291
00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:46,795
I am so thrilled my hard-earned
money can make you happy.
292
00:11:46,839 --> 00:11:48,967
It was your turn
to buy the beer, Bill--
293
00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:50,442
That's how it works.
294
00:11:50,476 --> 00:11:52,877
Yeah, I guess that's
exactly how it works.
295
00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:55,973
I'm not getting rich
cutting people's hair, Hank.
296
00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:57,813
Well, things are tough
all over.
297
00:11:57,850 --> 00:12:00,842
Oh! I bet they are.
298
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,048
Yep.
299
00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:05,854
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
300
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,519
Please! Just give me
301
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,494
a few thousand dollars,
Hank. Please?
302
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:12,191
What? Oh, just give
him the money, Hank!
303
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,792
'Yeah, man, you know, that dang
ol' money's like the wind, man--
304
00:12:14,834 --> 00:12:16,268
Only feel it when
it's moving, man.
305
00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:19,829
My God, am I the only
sane person around here?
306
00:12:19,872 --> 00:12:21,431
Way to go, Bill.
307
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:24,136
You single-handedly
derailed the gravy train.
308
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:27,477
I'm sorry. I just wanted
his money, is all.
309
00:12:27,513 --> 00:12:29,311
{ scoffs ):
Collect cans.
310
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:31,249
My dad had
his chance at life.
311
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:33,548
I'm not going to let him
take mine away.
312
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:37,250
If this isn't an emergency,
I don't know what is.
313
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,019
Oh, no way, Bobby.
314
00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:41,026
'You're not going to take
your dad's credit card...
315
00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:41,891
are you?
316
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:43,521
Relax. Whatever we spend,
317
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,691
it's just a drop
in the bucket to him.
318
00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:46,893
Besides,
319
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:49,766
he won't even notice
this one is gone.
320
00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:55,568
Go, go, go, go!
321
00:12:58,311 --> 00:12:59,710
$43.20.
322
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,714
No problem. Here you go.
323
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:07,948
Thank you, Mr. Hill.
324
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,215
Wow! Wow! Wow!
325
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:18,430
Whoa!
326
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:20,023
Don't give up,
Connie!
327
00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:22,535
Try it again! I'm rich!
328
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:28,533
COMPUTER VOICE:
You hooked it. Try again!
329
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:34,013
Great drivel
330
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:44,888
Oh, Johnny, I am having
a wonderful time today.
331
00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:46,915
Me, too.
332
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:52,260
80 the rumors about
Hank are true.
333
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:53,766
Hey,
334
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,462
I just remembered, I should
get back to the healing center.
335
00:13:56,502 --> 00:14:00,439
Oh. But we were going
to buy you a bathing suit.
336
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:03,170
Next time, okay?
That's my girl.
337
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:11,440
Well, hey there,
John Redcorn.
338
00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:12,576
( Voice cracking ).
Hank.
339
00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:13,676
( Clears throat )
340
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,518
Hank.
341
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:17,922
America is aging.
342
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:21,291
The Baby Boomers will soon
become the Senior Boomers.
343
00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:23,728
Yeah... sure, I guess so.
344
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:24,753
Good, good.
345
00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:26,094
As an established leader
346
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:27,896
in the healing community,
347
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:32,167
I am in a unique position to
capture this emerging market.
348
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,606
I think you know where
I'm going with this.
349
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,739
For your investment of
only a million dollars...
350
00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:40,303
What?
I'm not asking for a handout.
351
00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:43,247
This is an investment
opportunity
352
00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:47,150
in the New Age Golden Years
Assisted Living facility.
353
00:14:47,186 --> 00:14:49,746
Sure, I'll give you
your million.
354
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:50,915
Would you like it
355
00:14:50,957 --> 00:14:52,584
in rubies or fairy dust?
356
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:57,187
Someone's going to make a
lot of money off this idea.
357
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,959
It could have been us.
358
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:04,430
MAN (over TV ) Coming up
next, find out what this man
359
00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:06,802
wants to show your children.
360
00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:08,000
( Phone ringing )
361
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:09,269
( Groans )
362
00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:11,174
All right, Peggy,
tell me what happens.
363
00:15:11,210 --> 00:15:13,474
PEGGY: Oh, my
God, that is shocking!
364
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:14,742
( Groans ):
Dang it.
365
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:15,942
Hello?
366
00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:18,144
Yes, Mr. Hill,
this is a courtesy call
367
00:15:18,184 --> 00:15:20,676
from Southwest Mutual
about your credit card.
368
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,654
Uh, I've already got
a credit card.
369
00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:25,658
No, Mr. Hill, we were calling
about some unusual charges.
370
00:15:25,691 --> 00:15:28,023
We've got a spike
of several thousand dollars
371
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:29,494
over the last two days.
372
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:33,727
What? N-No. That card's
never been used. Thief!
373
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:36,565
Sir, if you would like
to dispute these charges...
374
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,434
Oh, here's something.
375
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:41,065
There's an attempted charge
coming through right now.
376
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,940
Would you like me
to have them hold the card?
377
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:50,376
Uh, I-I'm sorry,
Mr. Hill.
378
00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:54,546
This... m-machine is so...
damn slow.
379
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:56,612
Oh, take your time,
take your time.
380
00:15:56,656 --> 00:16:00,092
You know, Emiglio,
on second thought,
381
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:02,754
I think I will try on
that vest.
382
00:16:04,063 --> 00:16:07,055
( Groans ):
Where is that bastard?
383
00:16:07,099 --> 00:16:08,362
Ta-da!
384
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:09,368
Bobby?
385
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:11,564
Dad.
386
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:17,168
You stole
my credit card.
387
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,235
My boy stole
my credit card.
388
00:16:19,278 --> 00:16:21,144
Why are you so mad?
389
00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:23,649
Can't you just pump
a little extra propane?
390
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,786
How did you get to be
a spoiled rich kid
391
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,789
when we're not even rich?
392
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:38,926
BOBBY:
Okay, I'm sorry I borrowed...
393
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:40,364
Stole.
...the credit card,
394
00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:41,867
but you just
would've said no,
395
00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:43,426
and we both know
you're loaded.
396
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:46,166
So let's just say
we were both wrong.
397
00:16:46,205 --> 00:16:47,673
I'm loaded?
398
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:50,540
Has everybody in the
neighborhood lost their minds?
399
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:52,305
Okay, Dad, I'll come clean.
400
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:53,835
I know everything.
401
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:57,441
I heard you talking about
how you make $1,000 a day.
402
00:16:57,483 --> 00:16:59,315
$1,000 a...
403
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,945
'You mean my bonus?
404
00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:02,978
My once-a-year bonus?
405
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,457
But what about your oil records?
406
00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:06,788
In the garage?
407
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:09,557
'You mean my oil
change records?
408
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,063
( Sighs ).
I used to think
409
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:16,034
you were too young
for this conversation,
410
00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:17,558
but I think
we've all had enough
411
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:19,799
of you learning about money
on the streets,
412
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:22,365
so here goes: our checkbook.
413
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:26,644
I didn't even see anything.
414
00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:27,544
( Sighs)
415
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,571
Okay, you want to know
416
00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:32,380
about the family finances?
417
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:38,184
Here.
418
00:17:39,091 --> 00:17:41,059
So this is it?
419
00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:45,155
Please tell me you've at least got
some gold buried in the backyard.
420
00:17:45,197 --> 00:17:47,131
Nope. That's it.
421
00:17:47,166 --> 00:17:49,999
But with responsible
budgeting, we do fine.
422
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:52,198
That's our
entertainment budget?
423
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:55,503
But I spend that much
on CDs every month.
424
00:17:55,541 --> 00:17:57,669
I use up the whole budget.
425
00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:59,109
Yep.
426
00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:01,409
( Sighs ). I guess
I let you down.
427
00:18:01,447 --> 00:18:02,539
( Horn beeps )
428
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:04,913
HANK:
What the...?
429
00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:07,477
( Quietly ). That
must be the jet-ski.
430
00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:10,448
( Sighs ).
Well, I was able
431
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:13,220
to pay off everything
except the jet-ski.
432
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,660
Had to use my whole bonus
and then some.
433
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:16,958
( Sighs)
434
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:19,363
Guess ['ll never get
that new shower pan.
435
00:18:19,398 --> 00:18:20,763
Sorry.
436
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,290
So here's your punishment.
437
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:24,599
I'm going to get whatever
I can for the jet-ski,
438
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:26,105
and you're going
to do chores
439
00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:27,936
until you work off
the difference
440
00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:29,703
between that
and what it costs.
441
00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:30,903
Okay.
442
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,843
Now, uh,
your mother said something
443
00:18:32,878 --> 00:18:34,710
about a date with, uh...
444
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:36,841
Madam Von Toiletscrubbin?
445
00:18:36,882 --> 00:18:38,941
( Austrian accent ).
Anyvun seen Bobby?
446
00:18:44,156 --> 00:18:45,783
Good job, Bobby.
447
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:47,156
Hey, it looks
hot up there.
448
00:18:47,193 --> 00:18:48,957
Why don't you come down
and take a break?
449
00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:51,464
Breaks are for guys
on disability.
450
00:18:51,497 --> 00:18:52,862
Well, I do need some help
451
00:18:52,898 --> 00:18:55,162
getting the jet-ski
down to the lake to sell it.
452
00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:57,295
I'm on it--
just as soon as I'm done
453
00:18:57,336 --> 00:18:59,270
fishing out this squirrel.
454
00:19:05,444 --> 00:19:07,708
So Hank frittered away
his fortune.
455
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:10,739
God, if Peggy was the best
he could do with money,
456
00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:13,514
what's going to happen now
when she leaves him?
457
00:19:13,552 --> 00:19:16,283
Man, you talk about how the
mighty have dang ol' fallen, man.
458
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:19,451
Mm-hmm. I heard it had something
to do with the Internet.
459
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,927
Usually does.
460
00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:23,554
( Hank sighs )
461
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:25,360
Brand-new jet-ski
for sale.
462
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:27,025
Go tall the, uh, features
463
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:30,092
and, uh, really spiffy
paint job there.
464
00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:32,036
Sure was expensive.
465
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:42,713
Hey, Eric, what do you
think of that jet-ski?
466
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:46,717
You promised
me a new one!
467
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:48,846
This one's probably broken.
468
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:49,719
It's not broken.
469
00:19:51,223 --> 00:19:52,952
Fine, I'll prove it to you.
470
00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:58,028
Okay, then,
it runs perfectly fine. Happy?
471
00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:00,226
Can't it go any faster?
472
00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:01,825
Of course it can.
473
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:07,873
Heh-heh. Well, I'll be.
474
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:09,534
Whoo! Giddyap!
475
00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:13,408
Boy, that was fun. Heh.
476
00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:15,175
It's okay, I guess.
477
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,477
We'll take it.
478
00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:19,541
Okay, - know
I-I promised you a jet-ski,
479
00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:22,520
but could you at least say...
thank you?
480
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:26,423
Whatever! I'll get mom's
new boyfriend to buy it for me.
481
00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:29,394
Sir, for 50 cents, I
will shine this baby up
482
00:20:29,428 --> 00:20:31,021
like a brand-new dime.
483
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,225
I want to see my face.
484
00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:34,733
All right!
485
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:49,177
Dad! Go back!
486
00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:52,116
They're not going
to wait around for us!
487
00:20:52,151 --> 00:20:53,380
We're not selling it.
488
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:56,821
Now, hold on tight,
I'm going to gun it.
489
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:59,291
( Hank chuckles and whoops )
490
00:20:59,325 --> 00:21:01,054
We're going to keep it?!
491
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,187
We can't afford it.
492
00:21:03,229 --> 00:21:06,460
I'm not selling your jet-ski
to that little jackass.
493
00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:09,059
I figure the depreciation's
the same on it
494
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:11,502
whether we keep it
for a day or a year.
495
00:21:11,537 --> 00:21:13,005
Used is used, right?
496
00:21:13,038 --> 00:21:15,405
Really?
Sure.
497
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:17,808
We can carry it on the
credit card for a little while,
498
00:21:17,843 --> 00:21:19,470
and then if we sell
it within a year,
499
00:21:19,512 --> 00:21:22,209
it'll be the same
blue book value.
500
00:21:22,248 --> 00:21:25,047
BOBBY: But credit cards should
only be used in an emergency,
501
00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:27,746
and you should pay the balance
off every month.
502
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:30,279
HANK:
Ideally, yes.
503
00:21:30,322 --> 00:21:33,656
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
504
00:22:07,193 --> 00:22:09,787
BOBBY:
Dad, give me a big wad of cash.
505
00:22:09,837 --> 00:22:14,387
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