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Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
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00:00:09,393 --> 00:00:14,695
and 20th CENTURY FOX
TELEVISION
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00:00:32,816 --> 00:00:36,081
Budding thespians of TLMS,
I give you
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00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:39,350
the cast list of Oklahoma!
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00:00:39,389 --> 00:00:40,914
I'm in a dance number.
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00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:44,724
It will be an honor
to work with you.
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00:00:44,761 --> 00:00:47,162
I think you'll find
my portrayal of Curly
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00:00:47,197 --> 00:00:50,827
to be both sensitive
and gruff.
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00:00:50,867 --> 00:00:52,995
Now, where are you, Curly?
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00:00:53,036 --> 00:00:54,697
Ah! Hello there.
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00:00:54,738 --> 00:00:58,299
Ken Hayashi?
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00:00:58,342 --> 00:00:59,503
Sorry, Bobby.
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00:00:59,543 --> 00:01:02,205
Kenny just has a certain
�roof in' tootin"' quality
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00:01:02,246 --> 00:01:03,213
about him.
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00:01:03,247 --> 00:01:04,214
His brother had it, too.
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00:01:04,248 --> 00:01:05,511
Yee-haw!
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00:01:05,549 --> 00:01:07,574
( Chuckling ):
Wonder full
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00:01:07,618 --> 00:01:11,612
Let's get a move on!
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00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:14,147
I want to get to
the flea market
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00:01:14,191 --> 00:01:16,717
while the tube sock
guy is still there.
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00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:18,785
Oh, Hank,
just cut the pom-poms off
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00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:19,990
and wear a pair of mine.
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Our boy is just
sulking in bed
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00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:23,323
in his pajamas
and a cowboy hat.
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00:01:23,367 --> 00:01:25,028
You know, if you ask
me, there might be
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00:01:25,068 --> 00:01:28,561
a silver lining to him
not being a dancing cowboy.
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00:01:28,605 --> 00:01:30,437
Hank, we both know
he is not like you,
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00:01:30,474 --> 00:01:32,442
but you are still his father,
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00:01:32,476 --> 00:01:34,945
so go in there
and sympathize with him.
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( Sighing ).
It's just...
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the tube sock always brings
that old German Shepard,
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00:01:39,149 --> 00:01:40,310
and if it gets too hot,
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I know he's going to
have to take him home.
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00:01:43,854 --> 00:01:45,686
( Sighs)
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00:01:48,792 --> 00:01:50,453
I just can't believe it.
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00:01:50,494 --> 00:01:52,861
I thought it
was meant to be.
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00:01:52,896 --> 00:01:56,457
Ah, yeah, I know.
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00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:57,729
I know.
It's terrible.
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00:01:57,768 --> 00:01:58,792
It's just terrible.
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00:01:58,835 --> 00:01:59,802
Terrible.
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00:01:59,836 --> 00:02:00,962
It's a beautiful day out there.
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00:02:01,004 --> 00:02:04,167
Why don't you get dressed, uh,
throw out that hat
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00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:06,175
and go hang out
with your friends?
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00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:07,176
I can't.
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00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:08,871
Joseph's at football practice,
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00:02:08,912 --> 00:02:10,971
and Connie's
at one of her recitals.
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They both got things
they're good at.
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00:02:13,150 --> 00:02:16,552
I always thought
performing was my thing.
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00:02:16,586 --> 00:02:18,054
You've seen me fall down.
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00:02:18,088 --> 00:02:21,149
I can cry on demand.
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( Wailing melodramatically ).
Why?!
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00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:24,694
See?
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00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:31,361
Uh... well, we just need
to find you a new thing.
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00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:32,425
A cool new thing,
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and I know just the
place to find it.
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00:02:34,471 --> 00:02:38,430
HANK:
Ah, the flea market.
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It's like America's garage.
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00:02:40,043 --> 00:02:42,171
You know,
somewhere in all this old stuff
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00:02:42,212 --> 00:02:44,203
is the new you, son.
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00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:45,942
Hey, a lawnmower engine.
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00:02:45,982 --> 00:02:48,041
Get a truck dolly and
an old steering wheel,
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00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:50,053
and you could be
"The Go Cart Guy."
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Ah, come on, it's not that hot.
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00:02:54,958 --> 00:02:56,084
( Sighing ).
Here.
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Why don't you take a lap?
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See what you come up with.
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00:03:05,469 --> 00:03:07,494
Hey, what are those?
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00:03:08,038 --> 00:03:10,302
Oh, those are Tarot Cards.
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00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:12,035
People use them
to tell the future.
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00:03:12,175 --> 00:03:15,201
They're like baseball cards
for Hobbits!
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00:03:15,245 --> 00:03:16,303
I'll take 'em!
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00:03:18,081 --> 00:03:20,914
Hey, Bobby,
ready to roll?
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00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:22,009
Oh, so you found something.
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00:03:22,052 --> 00:03:24,680
Yeah. I bought
these really cool cards.
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00:03:24,721 --> 00:03:26,189
Well, all right, Bobby!
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00:03:26,223 --> 00:03:28,590
Everybody respects a guy
who's good at cards.
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00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:29,592
Really?
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00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:30,593
Well, sure.
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00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:33,460
That's why they always get
nicknames like "Amarillo Slim"
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00:03:33,497 --> 00:03:35,966
or "The Cincinnati Kid."
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I know, I'll call you "Ace!"
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00:03:39,503 --> 00:03:42,234
Now focus all your energy
on this card,
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and it will foretell
your future.
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00:03:44,274 --> 00:03:45,867
The ten of swords�
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00:03:45,909 --> 00:03:50,039
It means advantage,
profit, success.
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00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:51,809
Well, hey, that's great.
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00:03:51,848 --> 00:03:53,839
Things have been going
pretty well for me,
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you know, with my girlfriend,
Laoma, and... ( chuckles ).
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00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:02,551
Oh, wait, it's upside down.
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00:04:02,592 --> 00:04:04,458
That means something.
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00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:08,260
Pain, affliction,
tears, sadness, desolation.
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00:04:08,298 --> 00:04:10,130
( Pathetic whining )
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00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:13,933
Oh, for the love
of Mordecai.
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00:04:13,970 --> 00:04:17,929
Oh, I see you're into Tarot.
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00:04:17,974 --> 00:04:20,568
How long have you divined
the cards?
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00:04:20,610 --> 00:04:21,771
Couple of days.
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00:04:21,812 --> 00:04:24,008
It's kind of my thing.
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00:04:24,047 --> 00:04:25,446
( Hissing scoff)
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00:04:25,482 --> 00:04:27,450
The only thing you can predict
with these
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00:04:27,484 --> 00:04:28,383
is a coincidence.
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00:04:28,418 --> 00:04:31,319
No. If you want
any accuracy at all,
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00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,914
you need a Mantegna deck,
or at least a Fibbia.
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00:04:33,957 --> 00:04:37,154
Huh. Sounds like you really know
what you're talking about.
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00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:39,822
( Sarcastically ).
Yeah. Sounds like.
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00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:44,266
As a 14th-level sorcerer,
I'd be a joke if I didn't.
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Of course,
forecasting the future
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00:04:46,303 --> 00:04:47,737
is just the beginning.
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00:04:47,771 --> 00:04:49,603
The real power of magick--
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00:04:49,639 --> 00:04:51,038
And that's magick with a "ck"--
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comes in manipulating
the present.
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00:04:53,910 --> 00:04:54,877
MAN ( yelling ).
Wargr e
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00:04:54,911 --> 00:04:57,107
I told you to clean
that bathroom a half hour ago.
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I'm right on it, chief!
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Hey, I want to learn
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00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,577
more about this stuff.
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00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:06,385
Listen, young friend,
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do not let anyone see
this address.
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Arrive exactly
at the stroke of four.
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Ward!
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00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:14,758
And bring some potato chips.
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Today, Merlin!
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00:05:23,106 --> 00:05:24,699
Damn it, Dale,
you got to stop painting
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00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:27,301
your house number on my curb.
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00:05:27,344 --> 00:05:29,904
Sorry, Hank, but I got
to lay low for a while.
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00:05:29,946 --> 00:05:33,211
You have no idea how far
the jackals of the Franklin Mint
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00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:35,309
will go to collect a debt.
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00:05:35,352 --> 00:05:37,252
Is it okay if
I'm a little late for dinner?
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00:05:37,287 --> 00:05:40,052
My friend Ward invited me
to a gathering.
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00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:40,921
( Groans )
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00:05:40,957 --> 00:05:44,552
Gee, Bobby, you put me
in an awkward position.
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You really should be asking
your father.
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00:05:47,497 --> 00:05:48,828
Well, who's this
Ward fella?
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00:05:48,865 --> 00:05:50,230
I met him at the video store.
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00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:51,792
He saw my card pouch,
and we got to talking.
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00:05:51,835 --> 00:05:56,136
So I'm going to hang out with
him and his friends tonight.
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00:05:56,172 --> 00:05:57,640
I'm bringing the chips.
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Well, see, Bobby,
I knew you'd find your "thing."
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00:06:00,143 --> 00:06:02,339
And doesn't that sound like
more fun
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00:06:02,379 --> 00:06:05,747
than being in a musical
about Oklahoma?
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00:06:14,024 --> 00:06:18,461
Welcome to
the Coven of Artemis!
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00:06:21,031 --> 00:06:25,127
Wow! Cool lair.
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I suppose introductions
are in order.
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00:06:27,170 --> 00:06:28,069
Bobby, meet Vaughn,
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00:06:28,104 --> 00:06:29,071
N'oram Woodbender,
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00:06:29,105 --> 00:06:30,072
Pan the Soothsayer,
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00:06:30,106 --> 00:06:33,474
and of course,
the Master of Disaster--
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00:06:33,510 --> 00:06:34,978
Mitchell Jefferson.
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00:06:35,011 --> 00:06:37,378
'You can't just bring outsiders
to our meetings!
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00:06:37,414 --> 00:06:38,575
It's okay, Mitchell.
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00:06:38,615 --> 00:06:39,912
He's cool.
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00:06:39,950 --> 00:06:41,918
You're supposed to...
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00:06:41,952 --> 00:06:44,614
I said, he's cool!
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00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:45,621
Welcome.
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00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,350
Bobby, be forewarned.
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00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:49,358
Because of the
powers of the Coven,
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00:06:49,392 --> 00:06:50,359
people fear us.
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00:06:50,393 --> 00:06:53,294
When we walk down the streets,
mothers steer their babies away.
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00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:55,662
Shopkeepers close their stores.
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00:06:55,699 --> 00:06:56,757
Holy...!
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00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,826
This looks like something
out of Harry Potter.
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00:06:59,869 --> 00:07:03,635
Dude, I just
vouched for you.
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00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:07,337
If Harry Potter went to... hell.
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00:07:07,377 --> 00:07:13,339
This, Bobby, is nutmeg,
and we use this spice for...?
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00:07:15,619 --> 00:07:18,850
Um, oh, I remember.
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00:07:18,888 --> 00:07:22,153
Give me a second...
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00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,159
invincibility.
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00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:24,160
Resplendant!
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00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:26,788
The spices sit easily
upon you.
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00:07:26,830 --> 00:07:27,797
MAN:
Oh...
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00:07:27,831 --> 00:07:30,493
I see you boys
are making a cake.
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00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:31,557
A cake?!
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00:07:31,601 --> 00:07:32,568
Yeah.
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00:07:32,602 --> 00:07:35,367
A cake of tremendous power!
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00:07:35,405 --> 00:07:36,998
( Boys laughing )
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Score one for the acolyte.
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00:07:39,743 --> 00:07:42,440
GAME ANNOUNCER:
Fumble, Joseph Gribble.
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00:07:42,479 --> 00:07:45,779
As much as I hate
seeing my boy play badly,
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00:07:45,815 --> 00:07:49,115
I do enjoy hearing his name
over the loudspeaker.
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00:07:49,152 --> 00:07:51,814
Sorry, but I got to blow off
the last quarter.
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00:07:51,855 --> 00:07:54,517
I told the guys I'd meet them
in the parking lot.
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00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:55,820
Know when to
hold 'em, Ace.
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00:07:55,859 --> 00:07:57,384
Go get 'em, Shuffles!
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00:07:57,427 --> 00:08:03,389
Uh-oh. Ace is
going to need this.
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00:08:03,433 --> 00:08:05,401
Hey, any of you kids
seen Bobby Hill--
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00:08:05,435 --> 00:08:08,564
Blonde hair,
card player...
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00:08:08,605 --> 00:08:11,199
( finger cymbals chinging )
187
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:13,300
That's okay, he must be
tailgating over there.
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00:08:13,343 --> 00:08:18,008
Forces of fire,
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00:08:18,048 --> 00:08:19,209
beings of the south,
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00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:23,083
we command you to rise
and lend us your power!
191
00:08:23,119 --> 00:08:24,086
Interloper!
192
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,088
What the hell
are you people doing?
193
00:08:26,122 --> 00:08:27,146
Hey, Dad!
194
00:08:27,190 --> 00:08:28,089
Bobby?
195
00:08:28,124 --> 00:08:29,148
Meet the guys.
196
00:08:29,192 --> 00:08:35,097
Or as we like to call ourselves:
The Coven of Artemis.
197
00:08:35,131 --> 00:08:36,621
(yells)
198
00:08:36,666 --> 00:08:38,964
HANK: Here I am
thinking you're playing
199
00:08:39,002 --> 00:08:40,993
a nice, honest game of poker,
200
00:08:41,037 --> 00:08:42,505
and instead
you're summoning
201
00:08:42,539 --> 00:08:44,200
the Prince of Dragons?!
202
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,800
BOY ( laughing ).
Hey, check out the dork!
203
00:08:46,843 --> 00:08:48,868
Jedi Knight, 10:00.
Hey, what's with Yoda?
204
00:08:48,912 --> 00:08:50,311
BOBBY:
You can't play poker
205
00:08:50,346 --> 00:08:52,337
with these cards, Dad.
( scoffs )
206
00:08:52,382 --> 00:08:54,373
That's a good way
to bring down
207
00:08:54,417 --> 00:08:55,680
the wrath of Lud.
208
00:08:55,719 --> 00:08:58,120
It's all here
in the book I bought.
209
00:08:58,154 --> 00:08:59,986
Forty-five
dollars?!
210
00:09:00,023 --> 00:09:02,117
The family Bible
costs less that that,
211
00:09:02,158 --> 00:09:03,683
and it was
written by Jesus.
212
00:09:03,727 --> 00:09:06,492
'Yeah, but this book tells you
how to summon wood nymphs
213
00:09:06,529 --> 00:09:08,361
and water sprites.
214
00:09:08,398 --> 00:09:09,365
( Sighs)
215
00:09:09,399 --> 00:09:11,367
All right, look,
I know you're at an age
216
00:09:11,401 --> 00:09:13,369
where you think all this stuff
is interesting,
217
00:09:13,403 --> 00:09:14,837
but believe me it really isn't.
218
00:09:14,871 --> 00:09:16,862
But you told me to find
a new thing.
219
00:09:16,906 --> 00:09:17,839
And then when I do,
220
00:09:17,874 --> 00:09:19,968
you just want
to take it away from me.
221
00:09:20,009 --> 00:09:22,410
They're my circle of power.
222
00:09:22,445 --> 00:09:25,380
( Sighing ). Believe me, Bobby,
I'm doing it for your own good.
223
00:09:25,415 --> 00:09:27,645
Now we're not going to tell
your mother about this.
224
00:09:27,684 --> 00:09:29,174
I know she shields me
225
00:09:29,219 --> 00:09:30,709
from a lot of
the things you do,
226
00:09:30,754 --> 00:09:32,848
and, well, I'm going
to return the favor
227
00:09:32,889 --> 00:09:35,085
on this one.
228
00:09:36,359 --> 00:09:42,355
Harness the energy
of the crystal.
229
00:09:44,567 --> 00:09:45,898
Well, done, N'oram!
230
00:09:45,935 --> 00:09:49,428
Your powers are
growing stronger.
231
00:09:53,743 --> 00:09:54,972
Hey, guys.
232
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:56,911
Ah, young apprentice.
233
00:09:56,946 --> 00:09:59,040
Something is
on your mind.
234
00:09:59,082 --> 00:10:00,379
I can sense it.
235
00:10:00,416 --> 00:10:03,977
My dad says I can't hang out
with you guys anymore.
236
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:06,352
I guess he thinks
magick is dumb.
237
00:10:06,389 --> 00:10:07,948
Magick is "dumb"?
238
00:10:07,991 --> 00:10:09,652
Does this look dumb?
239
00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:10,659
Fzah!
240
00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:12,661
COOK: Don't make
me come over there!
241
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:15,630
N'oram, are you frying
to get us kicked out of here?
242
00:10:15,665 --> 00:10:16,996
Sorry.
243
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:19,661
Bobby, the problem
with your father is
244
00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:20,897
he's "ungifted."
245
00:10:20,937 --> 00:10:21,904
Our kind
246
00:10:21,938 --> 00:10:23,133
have always
been persecuted
247
00:10:23,173 --> 00:10:25,574
by those
who understand not.
248
00:10:25,608 --> 00:10:27,576
From the Salem
trials of the 1600s
249
00:10:27,610 --> 00:10:31,103
to the locker room beatings
and bathroom swirlies of today.
250
00:10:31,147 --> 00:10:32,774
'Tis all one.
251
00:10:32,816 --> 00:10:36,844
So that's why my dad
is so weird about this.
252
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,980
He's threatened by my powers.
253
00:10:39,022 --> 00:10:40,114
Bobby,
254
00:10:40,156 --> 00:10:42,420
the mark of Merlin is upon you.
255
00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:44,426
When you have completed
your training,
256
00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:46,258
you will be a White Wizard!
257
00:10:46,296 --> 00:10:50,494
Really? Wow!
What do I have to do?
258
00:10:50,533 --> 00:10:52,558
When can I start?
259
00:10:52,602 --> 00:10:54,263
Your training
begins now.
260
00:10:54,304 --> 00:10:56,830
'You can start by
refilling my root beer.
261
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:01,242
It was wise that you came to me,
262
00:11:01,277 --> 00:11:04,247
but be forewarned
that I am merely the vessel
263
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:05,679
through which
the powers flow.
264
00:11:05,715 --> 00:11:07,240
Are you going to help us
265
00:11:07,283 --> 00:11:09,081
get our kickball
off the roof?
266
00:11:09,118 --> 00:11:10,085
Silence!
267
00:11:10,119 --> 00:11:11,951
By the breath of Heckatees,
268
00:11:11,988 --> 00:11:14,616
I summon the winds of the north
to blow!
269
00:11:14,657 --> 00:11:16,751
Blow, I say!
270
00:11:16,793 --> 00:11:19,922
Bobby, a word, please.
271
00:11:19,963 --> 00:11:24,093
( Smugly ).
Resplendant!
272
00:11:24,133 --> 00:11:28,092
PRINCIPAL MOSS:
Before we get started,
273
00:11:28,137 --> 00:11:29,104
I'd like to know
274
00:11:29,138 --> 00:11:31,106
the proper term
for your religion.
275
00:11:31,140 --> 00:11:34,075
'You know, what's the politically
correct term for "witch"?
276
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,771
Hank, what is
going on here?
277
00:11:35,812 --> 00:11:36,779
Uh, nothing.
278
00:11:36,813 --> 00:11:39,908
Bobby just got a little carried
away with this new club,
279
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,917
but there's nothing
to worry about.
280
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:42,918
He's quitting.
281
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:44,977
I think everyone's
just a little uptight.
282
00:11:45,021 --> 00:11:47,581
Why don't| summon up
a tranquillity spirit
283
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:49,524
so we can all rest easy.
284
00:11:49,559 --> 00:11:51,926
Oh, powers
of ancient Boolardune...
285
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:54,089
I can't have him praying
in my office.
286
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:56,189
School board's
very clear on that.
287
00:11:56,232 --> 00:11:58,064
( Sighing ).
He's not praying.
288
00:11:58,101 --> 00:11:59,432
And he's stopping right now.
289
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,699
( Humming )
290
00:12:01,738 --> 00:12:04,264
Hank, I may be a mother,
but I am still a woman,
291
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:06,401
and I know a girl repellent
when I see it.
292
00:12:06,442 --> 00:12:07,409
( Shudders )
293
00:12:07,443 --> 00:12:09,707
I want grandchildren!
Will you fix this?!
294
00:12:09,746 --> 00:12:15,048
Uh, Mr. Rackley?
295
00:12:15,084 --> 00:12:16,916
Yes.
296
00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:19,149
Yeah, I'd like to
have a word with you
297
00:12:19,188 --> 00:12:20,178
about your son, Ward.
298
00:12:20,223 --> 00:12:22,590
'You see, he and my boy,
Bobby, are playmates...
299
00:12:22,625 --> 00:12:26,061
Excuse me.
But I'm Ward Rackley.
300
00:12:26,095 --> 00:12:27,153
'You're Ward Rackley?
301
00:12:27,196 --> 00:12:29,631
It's one
of my many monikers, yes.
302
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:32,101
I'm also known
as Madelgar of the North Woods,
303
00:12:32,135 --> 00:12:33,364
and in certain company,
304
00:12:33,403 --> 00:12:36,168
Austin Osman Starklarvatard.
305
00:12:36,205 --> 00:12:38,640
How old are you? 307407
306
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:41,269
Hal Not even close.
307
00:12:41,311 --> 00:12:43,302
1'am 5,000.
308
00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:45,542
Don't you have some
friends your own age?
309
00:12:45,581 --> 00:12:47,913
Someone to drink with,
maybe a girlfriend?
310
00:12:47,951 --> 00:12:50,318
And waste my seed
on a common harlot?
311
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:51,343
Not likely.
312
00:12:51,387 --> 00:12:52,718
When the time is right,
313
00:12:52,755 --> 00:12:54,723
a maiden will be
delivered up to me.
314
00:12:54,757 --> 00:12:56,851
Probably from the east.
315
00:12:56,893 --> 00:12:57,860
( Sighs)
316
00:12:57,894 --> 00:12:59,623
Some of this
isn't your fault.
317
00:12:59,662 --> 00:13:01,926
I mean, a man can only
take so many wedgies
318
00:13:01,965 --> 00:13:03,592
before he goes to pieces.
319
00:13:03,633 --> 00:13:04,600
Good luck
to you, buddy.
320
00:13:04,634 --> 00:13:07,501
And stay away from my son,
or I'll kick your ass.
321
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:11,872
You don't understand
who you threaten.
322
00:13:11,908 --> 00:13:13,171
I have powers.
323
00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:14,802
Terrible powers!
324
00:13:18,614 --> 00:13:19,775
Mal
325
00:13:20,650 --> 00:13:21,617
( sighs)
326
00:13:21,651 --> 00:13:24,552
Okay, we tried it your way;
now you're doing it my way.
327
00:13:24,988 --> 00:13:26,615
This is a carburetor.
328
00:13:26,656 --> 00:13:29,023
Take it apart,
put it back together.
329
00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:30,651
Repeat until
you're normal.
330
00:13:30,693 --> 00:13:35,062
But, Dad, the Dark Arts are
nothing to be afraid of.
331
00:13:35,098 --> 00:13:37,226
I'm not afraid of that garbage.
332
00:13:37,266 --> 00:13:38,563
I'm afraid of you
333
00:13:38,601 --> 00:13:39,932
getting your ass
kicked every day
334
00:13:39,969 --> 00:13:40,902
for the rest
of your life
335
00:13:40,937 --> 00:13:43,031
because you found a
new way to act like a nerd.
336
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:45,336
Ward said
you wouldn't understand.
337
00:13:45,375 --> 00:13:47,469
Bobby, you don't
need a crystal ball
338
00:13:47,510 --> 00:13:49,205
to see Ward's future.
339
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:51,714
He's going to live with
his mother until she dies,
340
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:54,080
and maybe for
a few weeks after.
341
00:13:54,117 --> 00:13:54,913
( Sighs)
342
00:13:54,951 --> 00:13:56,646
Now, until you stop
with all this nonsense,
343
00:13:56,686 --> 00:13:58,484
I want you to take
your carburetor
344
00:13:58,521 --> 00:14:04,426
and go to your room.
345
00:14:05,028 --> 00:14:07,326
( Sighs)
346
00:14:13,002 --> 00:14:13,935
BOBBY:
I know my dad
347
00:14:13,970 --> 00:14:16,439
must've come off
as some kind of nut job,
348
00:14:16,472 --> 00:14:17,962
but you've got to believe,
349
00:14:18,007 --> 00:14:20,908
I'm completely committed
to our power circle.
350
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,604
Are you? I wonder.
351
00:14:22,645 --> 00:14:26,513
I'd think you'd be able
to control your father
352
00:14:26,549 --> 00:14:29,109
as effectively
as I control Mother.
353
00:14:29,152 --> 00:14:31,712
Nevertheless,
Bobby's daddy has shown us
354
00:14:31,754 --> 00:14:34,451
that persecution of our kind
is on the rise.
355
00:14:34,490 --> 00:14:37,585
Perhaps it's time to take
our powers to the next level.
356
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:38,788
Yeah!
Approved!
357
00:14:38,828 --> 00:14:41,422
Tonight we are going
to kick it up a notch
358
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:44,365
and summon a dread force
that will bestow upon us
359
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:45,834
unequaled power!
360
00:14:45,868 --> 00:14:49,862
And of course we'll need someone
to be the chalice holder.
361
00:14:53,910 --> 00:14:55,400
I'll do it.
362
00:14:55,445 --> 00:14:56,913
Excellent, my young apprentice.
363
00:14:56,946 --> 00:14:59,847
You'll earn
that White Wizard cone yet.
364
00:14:59,882 --> 00:15:01,850
We will convene at
the ceremony grounds
365
00:15:01,884 --> 00:15:03,909
at half past the eighth hour.
366
00:15:03,953 --> 00:15:07,184
Assuming that fat ass
let's me leave on time.
367
00:15:07,223 --> 00:15:11,456
Cool. So, uh, what does
the chalice holder do, anyway?
368
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,622
You hold the chalice
during the incantation.
369
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:15,825
Then, right after
we light the candles,
370
00:15:15,865 --> 00:15:19,096
you drink can in us spirit us.
371
00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:20,899
What's can in us spirit us?
372
00:15:20,937 --> 00:15:22,166
Dog blood.
373
00:15:22,205 --> 00:15:23,229
What?!
374
00:15:23,272 --> 00:15:25,036
'You are the chosen one, Bobby.
375
00:15:25,074 --> 00:15:26,564
Soon, and for all time,
376
00:15:26,609 --> 00:15:29,078
you will be known
throughout the land as...
377
00:15:29,112 --> 00:15:32,946
Robert the Dog-Quaff er.
378
00:15:40,389 --> 00:15:41,379
Have you, uh, checked out
379
00:15:41,424 --> 00:15:43,483
John Redcorn's
New Age Healing Center?
380
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:44,459
You really should.
381
00:15:44,494 --> 00:15:45,393
On Friday nights,
382
00:15:45,428 --> 00:15:46,691
John Redcorn and his band,
383
00:15:46,729 --> 00:15:48,561
Big Mountain Fudge Cake,
will be playing.
384
00:15:48,598 --> 00:15:50,362
I'm John Redcorn.
385
00:15:50,399 --> 00:15:52,299
I told you,
no more fliers.
386
00:15:52,335 --> 00:15:57,000
Hey, Bobby, you like to rock.
387
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,006
Huh?
388
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,008
I'm just reading up
on ancient ceremonies
389
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:02,010
where people had to drink
animal blood.
390
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:05,412
Aah, there's got to be
a loophole somewhere.
391
00:16:05,448 --> 00:16:06,415
'You're losing me.
392
00:16:06,449 --> 00:16:09,043
'You can't tell anyone this.
393
00:16:09,085 --> 00:16:10,678
Promise me?
394
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,655
Bobby, I give you my
oath as a New Age healer.
395
00:16:13,689 --> 00:16:16,556
Okay. This group of guys
I hang with,
396
00:16:16,592 --> 00:16:18,560
we're doing a ceremony tonight,
397
00:16:18,594 --> 00:16:22,053
and they want me to drink
the dog blood.
398
00:16:22,098 --> 00:16:23,497
Dog...? Eww!
399
00:16:23,533 --> 00:16:24,830
That's just weird.
400
00:16:24,867 --> 00:16:26,028
I have to do it.
401
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:27,263
I can't do theater.
402
00:16:27,303 --> 00:16:28,395
I can't do sports.
403
00:16:28,437 --> 00:16:30,405
If I can't drink
something gross,
404
00:16:30,439 --> 00:16:32,100
what have I got?
405
00:16:32,141 --> 00:16:37,272
I had a breakthrough last night
with my fruit rehydrator.
406
00:16:37,313 --> 00:16:39,941
Can you believe
a mere 12 hours ago,
407
00:16:39,982 --> 00:16:42,747
these plump, luscious grapes
were raisins?
408
00:16:42,785 --> 00:16:47,552
Hank, there's something
that I think you should know.
409
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:52,084
Something very personal
and disturbing.
410
00:16:52,128 --> 00:16:54,756
Sounds like we should leave.
411
00:16:54,797 --> 00:16:56,094
What is I,
John Redcorn?
412
00:16:56,132 --> 00:16:58,100
Bobby's going to drink
dog blood.
413
00:16:58,134 --> 00:16:59,602
AahlAahlAah!
414
00:16:59,635 --> 00:17:00,602
What?!
415
00:17:00,636 --> 00:17:02,604
It's part of some ceremony
his friends have cooked up,
416
00:17:02,638 --> 00:17:04,436
and it's going down tonight.
417
00:17:04,473 --> 00:17:05,838
No gottdang way.
418
00:17:05,875 --> 00:17:08,310
I'm not going to let Bobby
be branded a freak
419
00:17:08,344 --> 00:17:10,312
for the rest of his life.
420
00:17:19,755 --> 00:17:20,881
Before we get started,
421
00:17:20,923 --> 00:17:23,324
a debt of gratitude is owed
to Brother Vaughn
422
00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:26,488
for procuring the offering.
423
00:17:26,529 --> 00:17:29,226
My mom's new boyfriend's
a veterinarian.
424
00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:32,064
He lets me call him Rick.
425
00:17:32,101 --> 00:17:33,762
( Groans )
426
00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:35,396
Resplendent!
427
00:17:35,438 --> 00:17:37,463
Now, everyone,
if you would all be so good
428
00:17:37,506 --> 00:17:39,702
as to take your positions
on the pentagram.
429
00:17:39,742 --> 00:17:42,973
Uh, Ward,
430
00:17:43,012 --> 00:17:46,710
a pentagram has five points,
but there's only four bases.
431
00:17:46,749 --> 00:17:49,878
Why do you always test me,
Mitchell?
432
00:17:49,919 --> 00:17:51,910
Just go stand
at shortstop.
433
00:17:58,461 --> 00:18:00,259
We don't have your cat.
434
00:18:00,296 --> 00:18:02,162
I'm looking
for my son, Bobby.
435
00:18:02,198 --> 00:18:03,165
Is Ward there?
436
00:18:03,199 --> 00:18:06,726
Well, his bicycle isn't here,
so he must be gone.
437
00:18:06,769 --> 00:18:07,736
Want to come in?
438
00:18:07,770 --> 00:18:08,737
Oh...( giggles)
439
00:18:08,771 --> 00:18:09,738
Whoops.
440
00:18:13,476 --> 00:18:16,707
WARD ( chanting ).
We humbly come before you
441
00:18:16,746 --> 00:18:19,374
to ask for your magnificent
strength and wisdom...
442
00:18:19,415 --> 00:18:20,382
( humming )
443
00:18:20,416 --> 00:18:21,383
( Groans )
444
00:18:27,923 --> 00:18:29,891
All right, everybody,
party's over.
445
00:18:30,326 --> 00:18:31,589
Oh, sorry.
446
00:18:31,627 --> 00:18:34,324
I'm looking for
a bunch of warlocks.
447
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:35,330
Warlocks?
448
00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,890
You know, nerds
in capes and stuff.
449
00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:38,900
Oh, yeah.
450
00:18:38,934 --> 00:18:40,959
We kicked them out
about an hour ago.
451
00:18:41,003 --> 00:18:42,528
The tall guy geeked hard.
452
00:18:42,571 --> 00:18:47,805
I cast a spell
on his ass with my foot.
453
00:18:47,843 --> 00:18:51,404
And now, in the melding
of our joint worlds,
454
00:18:51,447 --> 00:18:53,939
our White Wizard will
ingest the elixir...
455
00:18:53,983 --> 00:18:55,417
can in us spirit us.
456
00:18:55,451 --> 00:19:01,220
OTHERS ( chanting ):
White Wizard, White Wizard...
457
00:19:01,257 --> 00:19:04,124
White Wizard, White Wizard.
458
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:05,594
Bobby, now.
459
00:19:05,628 --> 00:19:07,756
Do it now.
460
00:19:07,797 --> 00:19:08,764
Uh...
461
00:19:08,798 --> 00:19:11,358
I don't know
if I'm ready for this.
462
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,597
Every gifted one passes
through the bog of doubt.
463
00:19:14,637 --> 00:19:15,798
Now, do it!
464
00:19:15,838 --> 00:19:20,241
I can't.
465
00:19:20,276 --> 00:19:21,243
You have to.
466
00:19:21,277 --> 00:19:23,609
Do it how, before
the moon wanes.
467
00:19:23,646 --> 00:19:25,045
Yeah, ye-yes, right!
468
00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:26,207
Before the moon wanes.
469
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:29,309
I'm sorry.
I-I just can't do it.
470
00:19:29,352 --> 00:19:34,153
It's gross.
471
00:19:34,190 --> 00:19:36,158
Then we will have
to destroy you.
472
00:19:36,192 --> 00:19:42,154
OTHERS ( chanting ):
Menta, besa, lorta, orga.
473
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:47,600
Menta, besa, lorta.
474
00:20:00,082 --> 00:20:02,551
( Faughing ):
Oh, my God!
475
00:20:02,585 --> 00:20:05,111
My dad was right about you guys.
476
00:20:05,488 --> 00:20:07,456
Under these cool robes and hats,
477
00:20:07,490 --> 00:20:09,458
you're all just
a bunch of losers.
478
00:20:09,492 --> 00:20:11,256
Silence, insolent one!
479
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:12,692
Accept your fate.
480
00:20:12,728 --> 00:20:13,695
Fzah!
481
00:20:13,729 --> 00:20:15,527
'You guys are so nerdy,
482
00:20:15,564 --> 00:20:19,330
even / feel like giving you
a wedgie.
483
00:20:19,368 --> 00:20:21,803
I was wrong about him.
484
00:20:21,837 --> 00:20:26,673
He is ungifted and deserves
nothing but our censure.
485
00:20:26,709 --> 00:20:28,108
Thanks for the robe, fellas.
486
00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:29,509
Oh, there's some
487
00:20:29,545 --> 00:20:31,104
dragon feathers in the pocket.
488
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,115
Help yourself.
489
00:20:34,617 --> 00:20:37,552
Well, I guess I was able
to make him disappear.
490
00:20:37,586 --> 00:20:42,080
Mitchell, how would you like
to be the chalice holder?
491
00:20:42,124 --> 00:20:43,649
No?
492
00:20:43,692 --> 00:20:44,659
Anybody?
493
00:20:44,693 --> 00:20:47,458
Well, no reason to waste
494
00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:49,692
to perfectly good
can in us spirit us.
495
00:20:49,732 --> 00:20:50,756
Let's find an overpass.
496
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:51,858
Bobby!
497
00:20:51,901 --> 00:20:54,063
Hey, Dad.
498
00:20:54,103 --> 00:20:55,730
Are you okay?
499
00:20:55,771 --> 00:20:59,469
You, uh, you didn't drink
the dog blood, did you?
500
00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:01,067
Me? Drink dog blood?
501
00:21:01,110 --> 00:21:02,669
That's not my thing.
502
00:21:02,711 --> 00:21:04,338
Well, good for you.
503
00:21:04,380 --> 00:21:06,314
I mean,
to tell you the truth,
504
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,646
those guys are
a little pathetic.
505
00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:12,518
Can you believe Ward was wearing
socks with his sandals?
506
00:21:12,555 --> 00:21:13,784
Unbelievable.
507
00:21:13,823 --> 00:21:17,760
I guess I still need to find
exactly what my thing is.
508
00:21:17,793 --> 00:21:19,352
Well, that's okay, son.
509
00:21:19,395 --> 00:21:20,760
'You've still got time.
510
00:21:20,796 --> 00:21:23,356
I didn't really find football
till high school.
511
00:21:23,399 --> 00:21:25,629
And I was in my twenties
when I found propane.
512
00:21:25,668 --> 00:21:29,229
REDCORN: What's wrong
with wearing socks with sandals?
513
00:21:29,271 --> 00:21:35,233
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
514
00:22:08,611 --> 00:22:11,581
BOBBY:
Resplendent!
515
00:22:11,631 --> 00:22:16,181
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