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00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:05,830
Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
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00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:08,934
and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
TELEVISION
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00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:34,734
Hey, Boomhauer.
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00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:35,758
How was Houston?
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00:00:35,802 --> 00:00:38,294
Do anything, uh, interesting?
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00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:40,306
Nah, you know, man,
stuff, you know.
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00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:42,308
Usual ol' meetings,
you know, and stuff
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00:00:42,342 --> 00:00:44,709
with conferences, stuff
like, you know, uh, dang ol"...
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00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:45,712
Liar!
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00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:46,713
Show him, Hank.
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00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:49,808
An official Houston
Texans bobblehead.
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00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:50,817
If you're
going to sneak
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00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:53,047
around behind
the Dallas Cowboys' backs
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00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:56,056
you better not ask a Cowboy fan
to get your mail.
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00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:58,421
'You went to their training camp,
didn't you?
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00:00:58,458 --> 00:01:01,587
'You make me sick.
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00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:02,595
Dang it,
Boomhauer
18
00:01:02,629 --> 00:01:03,790
just because the Cowboys
19
00:01:03,830 --> 00:01:06,561
have a bad season or two,
or five,
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00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:11,128
doesn't give you the right
to abandon them, right, guys?
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00:01:11,171 --> 00:01:13,936
Although I guess
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00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:16,500
if we root for the Texans,
it doesn't mean
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00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:19,911
we'd have to stop rooting
for the Cowboys.
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00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:22,279
Well, they are
in different conferences
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00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:23,784
so it would only be a problem
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00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:26,184
if they played
in the Super Bowl.
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00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:29,382
An all-Texas Super Bowl.
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00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,949
His will be done.
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00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:34,757
Peggy, where's that list
of ATMs in Houston?
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00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,763
Me and the guys
are going to watch
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00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:38,765
the Texans training camp
this weekend.
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00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:39,766
This weekend?
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00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,234
Hank, we have
reservations
34
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:43,236
at That's A more
Saturday night.
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00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:44,567
I-I told you
about this.
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00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,573
I booked the table
in the kitchen.
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00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:47,574
The chef's table?
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00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:48,575
You got in?!
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00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:51,169
Oh, yeah, I sort of remember
you mentioning that.
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00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:54,442
Hank, it took me two months
to get that table.
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00:01:54,481 --> 00:01:57,507
I promoted an illiterate student
to the ninth grade
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00:01:57,551 --> 00:02:00,111
just because his father
delivers meat to That's A more.
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00:02:00,153 --> 00:02:03,282
Sure, let's have dinner
in a restaurant's kitchen.
44
00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:05,291
Maybe we can have dessert
in the restroom.
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00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:07,293
All right, Hank,
you are not understanding me.
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00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:09,489
When I make plans,
I check with you first,
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00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:11,019
but you-- you
just go off
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00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:13,533
and make whatever plans you want
without even consulting me.
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00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:16,366
Fine, I'll consult you
on everything.
50
00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:18,462
Peggy, I'm going
to go get a glass of water.
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00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:22,032
Oh, wait, Peggy, I'm walking
to the refrigerator first.
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00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:24,043
Oh! Maybe
I should just take Bobby.
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00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:25,044
( Delighted squeal )
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00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:26,045
Bobby,
I'm not taking you.
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00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:30,539
I was just trying
to get back at your father.
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00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:31,551
Oh.
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00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:33,314
Uh, Peggy, I've
been thinking
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00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:35,583
about what you
were saying
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00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:38,717
and I realized you were
right to be mad at me,
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00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,818
and I want to
make it up to you,
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00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,556
so, uh...
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00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:43,757
I Ta-da.
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00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:45,891
Guess who's coming to Houston
with us?
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00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:47,900
And don't worry, I cleared it
with the guys.
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00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:49,163
You're riding shotgun,
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00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:51,170
and we don't have to share
a room with Bill.
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00:02:51,204 --> 00:02:52,399
Oh, so, you've decided
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00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:54,407
I am going to Houston
this weekend,
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00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:56,409
and what team I'm going
to root for.
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00:02:56,443 --> 00:02:58,411
Have you written a cheer
for me too, Hank?
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00:02:58,445 --> 00:02:59,412
Uh... n-no.
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00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:01,608
I cannot
believe you.
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00:03:01,648 --> 00:03:03,616
I am not
one of your propane tanks
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00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:04,708
you can just
order around
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00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:06,719
who will obey
your every whim.
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00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:11,516
Bobby,
it's your lucky day.
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00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:13,526
Your father
has a new shirt for you.
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00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:14,527
Really?
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00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:15,528
No.
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00:03:15,562 --> 00:03:18,361
Peggy won't let me
go to Houston.
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00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:21,060
Are you two having problems?
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00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:23,763
Irreconcilable
differences, maybe?
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00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:24,771
As the only
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00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,102
happily married
man out here
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00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:30,201
may I suggest marriage
counseling with Dr. Tim Rast?
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00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:33,213
"Tim Rast will make
your marriage last."
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00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:35,578
I came up with that slogan
during one of our sessions
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00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:38,050
while Nancy was jabbering
about something.
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00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,520
You're going
to couples therapy?
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00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,283
Dang it, Dale,
how could you?
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00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:45,223
Oh, he's great, Hank--
a real man's man.
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00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:48,091
No matter what,
he always takes my side.
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00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:50,927
He knows who signs
Nancy's name on his checks.
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00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:53,524
Huh. So, all I have to do
is show up
95
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,002
and he'll tell Peggy
I'm right and she's wrong?
96
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:57,003
Y'uh-huh.
97
00:03:57,037 --> 00:04:00,905
Even when I say something
I know is crazy, he nods.
98
00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:03,467
Huh. Well, I guess
as long as he's just there
99
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:05,945
to tell Peggy she's wrong,
I can't see the harm.
100
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:11,713
Uh, Peggy, I don't really know
how to say this,
101
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:15,416
and yet there's no greeting card
for it, either.
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00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:17,116
What?
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00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:20,388
Well, uh, I think we should see
104
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:25,160
a professional...
r-relationship person.
105
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:26,324
( Audible spitting )
106
00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:28,357
What? You mean
a marriage counselor?
107
00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:30,631
Like the one
Dale and Nancy use.
108
00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:32,195
Dr. Tim Rast.
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00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:34,173
Yes, him.
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00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:35,174
Please, Peggy.
111
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:38,007
I just need
somewhere safe to go and, uh
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00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:40,035
let it all hang out.
113
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,141
Oh, Hank, don't worry,
I'll handle everything.
114
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:45,277
I'll call tomorrow to
make an appointment.
115
00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:47,480
I already did--
Friday at 4:30.
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00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:49,546
Huh. So, you made
an appointment
117
00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:50,852
without consulting me.
118
00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:52,017
Well, at least we know
119
00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:53,321
the first thing
we'll discuss.
120
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,829
Even his elbows
121
00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:58,263
are nicotine stained,
he refuses to acknowledge
122
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,265
he's bald,
123
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:02,530
and he sobs uncontrollably
after sex.
124
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:05,595
Well, crying
can be a healthy release.
125
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,198
Thank you, Doctor.
126
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,470
Say, it's
that time again.
127
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:10,704
But before you go,
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00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:13,406
I want to draw something
for y'all to take home.
129
00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:14,971
This here's
a treasure map.
130
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:15,982
Ah...
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00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:18,314
Every time
you catch yourself thinking
132
00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:21,719
the key to happiness
is out there somewhere, Nancy,
133
00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:23,314
I want you
to look at this map,
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00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:25,347
because it'll lead you
to a treasure
135
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:26,917
that will bring the both of you
136
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,452
untold riches
for the rest of your lives.
137
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:30,463
Gimme!
138
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:36,459
G'il
139
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:41,474
Dr. Rast
really is very good.
140
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:46,002
Now, I have solved the family's
emotional crises up to now,
141
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:48,913
so, I hope you do not mind
if I take my own notes.
142
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:51,213
Mm-hmm.
143
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:53,549
Mm-hmm-hmm.
144
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:55,214
So, here's
the deal, Coach.
145
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:57,189
She wants to go
to a restaurant
146
00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:58,817
and eat in
the kitchen.
147
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,520
I know, I don't
get it, either.
148
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,393
And I want to go
see the Texans train.
149
00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:05,023
I look forward
to your ruling.
150
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,430
This is not
just about going
151
00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:07,433
to see the Texans.
152
00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:10,300
It is about the Chinese
cooking class we never took,
153
00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:12,396
the matching outfits
We never wore.
154
00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:14,874
Do you realize
we have no scented soaps
155
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,273
anywhere in the house?
156
00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:18,277
Hank is always acting
like the boss.
157
00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:20,279
He won't even let me pay
the phone bill
158
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:23,749
because he doesn't like
the way I make sevens.
159
00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:26,718
Hank, I want you
to go see the Texans,
160
00:06:26,753 --> 00:06:28,016
and forget
all about Peggy.
161
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:33,720
See? Sounds pretty dang selfish
when you hear it out loud.
162
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:36,457
Okay,
let's do Magic Wand.
163
00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:37,520
What's going on here?
164
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,692
It's a relationship game, Hank.
165
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,701
I got it
from Goldie Hawn's life coach
166
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:42,702
at a conference in Reno.
167
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,569
Oh, God, I've been misinformed.
168
00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:46,697
I need to get
out of here.
169
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,731
Sit down, Hank.
This was your idea.
170
00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:50,300
I think
you'll like
171
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:51,811
Magic Wand, Hank.
172
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:52,812
Let's play.
173
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,940
Now, you have
a magic wand.
174
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,039
What's one thing
175
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,779
you would like to change
about your partner?
176
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,343
( Sighing )
177
00:07:00,387 --> 00:07:04,221
Well, call me crazy, but
I wouldn't change anything.
178
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,225
Well, that's
not the right answer.
179
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,227
Give me the wand;
I'll do it right.
180
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,229
Sounds like you two
have an issue with control.
181
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:13,392
What I like to do is something
I call Time Machine Therapy,
182
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,400
or TM.T.
183
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:15,401
( sighing )
184
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,994
I am going to kill Dale.
185
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:19,062
What I want you two to do
186
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,301
is picture yourselves
in the future.
187
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:24,675
You two are retired,
no work, no kids.
188
00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:26,679
Quick, where
do you picture yourself?
189
00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:28,613
We already have
that figured out.
190
00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:30,616
We're going to buy his
and hers motorcycles
191
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:33,142
and see America,
excluding California.
192
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:35,245
Mm-hmm.
Tell me more.
193
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,188
What more is there?
194
00:07:37,223 --> 00:07:40,056
Freedom of the open road,
and such.
195
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,152
All the maintenance
a guy could ask for.
196
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:46,359
PEGGY: Collecting spoons
from every state capitol.
197
00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:47,662
Meeting colorful characters
198
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:51,262
like truck stop waitresses
and corrupt local sheriffs.
199
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,898
We have set up a direct deposit
savings account,
200
00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:56,272
and are just over halfway
to our goal.
201
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,778
More if our son Bobby
doesn't go to college.
202
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,780
I'm going to write you two
a prescription
203
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:01,781
I think is going
204
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:02,782
to help you
with your problem.
205
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:03,806
Uh, Doctor,
206
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:06,376
if you'll check
your notes,
207
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:09,013
we only have half
the money saved.
208
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:10,352
Mm-hmm. Here it is
right here.
209
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:13,451
But half the money will still
buy you one motorcycle,
210
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,962
and that would give you
something to share together
211
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,828
as equal partners.
212
00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:19,832
'Course, if you don't want
a motorcycle,
213
00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:22,335
there's other things
you could spend that money on.
214
00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:25,361
Like more counseling.
215
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,308
Is that us?
216
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,375
It is now.
217
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,217
Hit it, Daddy!
218
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:47,125
( Engine revving )
219
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:10,476
I can't believe
you guys bought a motorcycle.
220
00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:13,111
Evel Knievel had a Harley
and a cape
221
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:15,281
and a jeweled walking stick.
222
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:18,780
It was a cane, and it was
because he had a crushed pelvis.
223
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:22,489
And a cape.
224
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:24,520
Mmm. I'm having trouble
making this out
225
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,089
through my own spit.
226
00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:28,294
What kind of idiot
uses 'delible ink
227
00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:32,032
to draw a treasure map?
228
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:32,664
This looks about right.
229
00:09:32,705 --> 00:09:35,504
Start digging, Bill.
230
00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:37,169
Can I take the
blindfold off?
231
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:39,201
I don't want any
of your treasure.
232
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,407
I just enjoy the time
we spend together.
233
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:42,779
Me, too.
234
00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:45,217
That's why
I didn't gag you.
235
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:46,275
No, Bill.
236
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,287
I promise
I'll wipe my head first.
237
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:49,720
No.
238
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,417
We ride in five, Big H.
239
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:53,358
I just have to leather up.
240
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,725
Boy, we made the right move,
I tell you what.
241
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:56,923
We didn't need therapy.
242
00:09:56,963 --> 00:09:58,795
We needed a motorcycle.
243
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,800
Whenever we go
to the hardware store
244
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,802
she gets to give me
a 20-minute hug,
245
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:04,804
and I get to go
to the hardware store.
246
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:08,741
God, that shorty helmet
looks hot on you.
247
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:11,369
Hmm, well,
I'll keep it on.
248
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:12,879
Kiss me as hard
as you want.
249
00:10:12,912 --> 00:10:14,141
Your stuff's cleared up, right?
250
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:16,080
Mm-mmm...
Mmm...
251
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:21,885
Wow, look
at those two, Hank.
252
00:10:21,921 --> 00:10:23,218
Real bikers.
253
00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:25,588
We're going to need some
real biker accessories
254
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,593
if we're going to fit
in with this crowd.
255
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,594
Check out this wallet.
256
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:29,595
That's so it doesn't
257
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:30,596
fall out
of your pants
258
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:31,597
during a rumble.
259
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,599
Could you add this
to our wedding registry?
260
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,796
I can't remember if it's under
my hame, Pepperoni Sue,
261
00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:38,702
or the groom's-- Lumpy.
262
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:40,206
Well, that explains
why you two
263
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:43,335
are acting like a couple
of about-to-be newlyweds.
264
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,071
Congratulations.
265
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:47,478
Thanks. You're only
off by ten years.
266
00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:49,448
We're doing a
recommitment ceremony.
267
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:50,677
First time
we got married
268
00:10:50,717 --> 00:10:53,186
all I got was a pair
of ass less pants
269
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:54,880
and a bottle
of tequila.
270
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:55,888
That bottle
and them pants
271
00:10:55,922 --> 00:10:58,220
got us through five
states in three days.
272
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,022
Oh, what a honeymoon!
273
00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:02,289
Yeah, this country of ours
looks pretty darn good
274
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,296
with your boots
up in the breeze.
275
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:05,593
You said it, brother.
276
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:06,656
And now,
me and the old lady
277
00:11:06,699 --> 00:11:09,361
are fixing to head up to
South Dakota for the nuptials.
278
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:11,234
Yup, Biker
Week in Sturgis,
279
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:12,864
just like the
first time around.
280
00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:15,967
Yeah, tradition's real
important to Lumpy and me.
281
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,704
That's why we're going
to spend our wedding night
282
00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:20,509
under the same foosball table
283
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:22,311
in the same bar
as last time.
284
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,442
Oh, hey, have you guys
ever been to Sturgis?
285
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:25,576
Ah, it's a party.
286
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:26,585
800,000 bikers,
287
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:28,781
and Robbie Knievel's
jumping 13 dump trucks
288
00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:31,313
in the middle
of a Styx concert.
289
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,155
Yeah, it's a solid week
290
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,592
of free music,
dancing,
291
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:36,061
and pickle-
licking contests.
292
00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:37,153
You should come.
293
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,689
Well, it does sound
like it offers
294
00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:41,894
a lot of fun
couples activities.
295
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:45,166
We have been talking
about doing a longer ride.
296
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,697
Yeah! "Live to ride,
ride to live!"
297
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:51,233
Pepperoni Sue, give them
an invitation to our reception.
298
00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:53,245
If you feel like
getting us something
299
00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:55,247
we're also registered
at the liquor store.
300
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:57,147
HANK:
Hmm...
301
00:11:57,183 --> 00:11:58,207
Well, dude,
if we're going
302
00:11:58,251 --> 00:12:01,221
to be riding to Sturgis,
we will need some sunblock.
303
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,221
I'm off to the store.
304
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:05,816
Good thinking,
Motorcycle Mama.
305
00:12:05,858 --> 00:12:09,590
( Engine roaring )
306
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:22,273
"Live to ride and ride to live,"
you dumb cows!
307
00:12:27,513 --> 00:12:29,504
Hank, I may never sleep again.
308
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:32,246
Driving this Harley was amazing!
309
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:33,480
If I have bugs in my teeth,
310
00:12:33,519 --> 00:12:35,954
it is because
I could not stop smiling.
311
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:37,354
I should probably floss.
312
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:38,585
I'd ask you
to start it up,
313
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,491
but it'd wake
up Bobby.
314
00:12:40,526 --> 00:12:41,493
Ah, who cares?
315
00:12:41,527 --> 00:12:43,256
He gets enough sleep.
316
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:46,527
( Engine roaring )
317
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,159
(gasps )
318
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:51,466
Move! It's mine!
319
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,905
(gasps )
320
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,533
(gasps )
321
00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:58,135
What is it?
322
00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:00,077
A mummified
house cat.
323
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:03,276
It must have belonged
to the pharaoh.
324
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:04,545
Hmm.
325
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,313
"Mr. Boots."
326
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:08,946
But... that was your cat, Dale.
327
00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:10,251
Impossible.
328
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:14,488
Mr. Boots was white and fluffy,
and feisty and fun-loving.
329
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:17,827
This is just a skeleton.
330
00:13:17,864 --> 00:13:20,231
Wait a minute.
331
00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:22,291
Nancy told me that he ran away.
332
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:25,437
Oh.
333
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:26,438
Potato, potato,
potato, potato.
334
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:27,906
Potato, potato
potato, potato.
335
00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:29,840
BOTH: Potato,
potato, potato, potato...
336
00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:32,675
( quickly ).
Potato, potato, potato...
337
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:33,679
( faughs )
338
00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:34,680
Oh.
339
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:37,706
( Faughs )
340
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:40,412
Now, you have a good time
341
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:42,512
at your Grandpa Cotton's
while we're gone.
342
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:43,522
Fine.
343
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,354
But I'm not
taking a bath
344
00:13:45,391 --> 00:13:46,881
with that
baby again.
345
00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:47,893
It's humiliating.
346
00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:50,396
Okay, everyone,
step away from the vehicle
347
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:53,092
so I can execute
a farewell donut.
348
00:13:53,132 --> 00:13:55,032
Oh, quit dragging it out.
349
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:56,194
Just, go. Go!
350
00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:58,135
NANCY:
Ride that hog, girl.
351
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:01,197
DALE:
Bye. Get me a shot glass.
352
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:02,298
( Cheering )
353
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,709
Oh, you've been driving
all morning, Hank.
354
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:07,008
Why don't you take a break?
355
00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:10,016
I can take over
for a while.
356
00:14:10,049 --> 00:14:11,016
Thanks, but I'm okay.
357
00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:13,018
Maybe next stop.
358
00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:24,287
Okay, Hank, Kansas is mine.
359
00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:26,560
I'm going
to tear this state a new one.
360
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:29,364
Yeah, uh, maybe we ought
to switch off after Kansas.
361
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:30,392
I wouldn't want you to miss out
362
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:34,168
on all that wheat.
363
00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:36,631
No.
364
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:38,974
I'm still feeling
surprisingly fresh.
365
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:42,379
Thanks, though.
366
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:44,842
You know we're
almost there.
367
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,545
Why mess with success.
368
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:49,749
Smile!
369
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:55,253
Come on,
Peggy, smile.
370
00:14:55,294 --> 00:14:57,888
I am sick
of you bossing me around.
371
00:14:57,930 --> 00:15:00,160
Let me drive,
then I will smile.
372
00:15:00,199 --> 00:15:02,361
Well, I explained
to you in Nebraska.
373
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:05,337
It would throw our weight
distribution all out of whack.
374
00:15:05,371 --> 00:15:07,362
Maybe the coroner could
take a photo of us
375
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,375
after we bounced
off the asphalt
376
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:10,638
like a couple
of rag dolls.
377
00:15:10,676 --> 00:15:12,371
Hank, that's bunk.
378
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,470
I am driving.
379
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:14,776
Uh...
380
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:17,146
okay, but, see, Peggy,
the thing of it is,
381
00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:20,278
it just doesn't work that
way with biker couples.
382
00:15:20,319 --> 00:15:23,118
Lumpy and Pepperoni Sue
have a great relationship,
383
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:25,250
and she never
rides up front.
384
00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:26,315
In fact, the spot
385
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:29,021
behind the driver
is called the...
386
00:15:29,061 --> 00:15:30,051
( sighs)
387
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:31,621
The... "bitch" seat.
388
00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:32,631
What?!
389
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,759
So, that makes me your...
390
00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:36,394
No, no. No!
391
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,767
It's a motorcycle term.
392
00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:39,772
I don't even think
it's spelled the same.
393
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:42,002
Forget I brought it up.
394
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:43,304
My God!
395
00:15:43,342 --> 00:15:45,310
Maybe we should have
taken the therapy.
396
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:47,312
Hey, let's stop
at a souvenir stand
397
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:49,314
so I can get a T-shirt
that says
398
00:15:49,348 --> 00:15:51,316
"My husband controlled
my vacation,
399
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:53,614
and all I got
was this lousy T-shirt."
400
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:56,418
That would be a nice picture
to show Dr. Rast, huh?
401
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,424
Well, maybe we should
get a motorcycle
402
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,426
with a seat big enough
for three people.
403
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,121
Then Dr. Rast
could ride along
404
00:16:02,161 --> 00:16:03,629
and analyze our marriage.
405
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,222
Good idea.
406
00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:06,231
Now, hold on.
407
00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:07,232
We're going.
408
00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:08,893
We are not going anywhere.
409
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:11,632
Oh, yes, we are.
410
00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:34,818
MAN:
Yahoo!
411
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:37,796
Show us what
you got, girls!
412
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,355
Oh!
413
00:16:39,398 --> 00:16:40,991
Oh.
414
00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:42,364
That's right, Hank.
415
00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:43,425
Get a good look.
416
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:44,834
Because at the rate
you're going,
417
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:47,306
you will not be seeing mine
anytime soon.
418
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:48,933
Nice to see
that you've gotten vulgar
419
00:16:48,975 --> 00:16:52,502
as well as selfish.
420
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:54,707
Peggy, release
the brake lever.
421
00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:55,714
Nuh-uh.
422
00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:56,715
This brake lever's on my side,
423
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,911
and I will hold it down
as long as I want.
424
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:00,919
Fine. We'll just
park the bike here.
425
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:02,318
It doesn't bother me.
426
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:05,325
I can watch the
motorized bar stool races.
427
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:06,325
You know what?
428
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,327
I am going
to the Greyhound station
429
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,625
to buy myself a ticket
to Arlen.
430
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:12,427
I'm sure they will let me sit
431
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,092
anywhere I want
on the bus.
432
00:17:14,133 --> 00:17:16,534
You can't sit
in the bus driver's seat.
433
00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:17,832
You can't even talk to him.
434
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:18,837
Ho-yeah!
435
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:19,838
Baah!
436
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,897
Oh, will you quit
437
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:23,705
your whining, you old woman?
438
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:24,710
I'm wearing a bra.
439
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:30,649
Bar stool coming through!
440
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:39,888
Ugh.
441
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:44,295
Uh, oops.
442
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:45,627
Oh, excuse me, officer.
443
00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:49,431
RAST.
But before you go,
444
00:17:49,468 --> 00:17:53,268
this map will lead you
to a treasure that'll...
445
00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:54,637
Hal
446
00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:55,664
I'm rich.
447
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:56,869
And you,
448
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,070
stop playing
the blame game.
449
00:17:58,110 --> 00:18:01,205
Ha-hal
450
00:18:07,153 --> 00:18:09,121
Are these fixable?
No.
451
00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:10,452
PEPPERONI SUE: How
do you tell what size you are
452
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:12,150
in a nipple ring?
453
00:18:12,191 --> 00:18:13,681
Pepperoni Sue?
454
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:14,488
Huh?
455
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:15,551
Who's asking?
456
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,927
Oh, it's that old biker dude
with the crazy girlfriend.
457
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:18,954
Oh, yeah, yeah.
458
00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:21,365
Sorry I almost
messed you up, man.
459
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,367
Wedding day jitters.
460
00:18:22,401 --> 00:18:25,462
Look at the kick-ass skull ring
Lumpy's getting me.
461
00:18:25,504 --> 00:18:27,165
Huh, a smiley one.
462
00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:28,105
( Chuckles )
463
00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:30,871
Yeah, 'cause I know
how to make him smile.
464
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:31,877
Mmm.
465
00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:32,878
Whoo-hoo!
466
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:34,402
( Man kissing loudly )
467
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,415
SUE: Oh, man,
that's good barbecue.
468
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:39,077
So, how are you and your old
lady digging Biker Week?
469
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,815
Uh, Peggy and I aren't speaking
right now.
470
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:45,222
She's upset because I wouldn't
let her drive us.
471
00:18:45,257 --> 00:18:46,281
Hell, I'd rather
get shanked
472
00:18:46,325 --> 00:18:47,759
than let my
old lady drive.
473
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,124
And I'd never ask.
474
00:18:49,161 --> 00:18:50,356
That's why our marriage works.
475
00:18:50,396 --> 00:18:51,363
Boundaries.
476
00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:53,229
Yeah. Who knows
her place?
477
00:18:53,265 --> 00:18:55,233
I do, baby. Who
knows her place, huh?
478
00:18:55,267 --> 00:18:57,235
I do, baby. Who knows her place?
479
00:18:57,269 --> 00:18:58,236
I do, baby.
480
00:18:58,270 --> 00:18:59,237
Who knows
her place, huh?
481
00:18:59,271 --> 00:19:00,238
You okay?
482
00:19:00,272 --> 00:19:03,298
You look
like you licked a bad pickle.
483
00:19:03,342 --> 00:19:05,071
Pepperoni, show
him your girls.
484
00:19:05,111 --> 00:19:08,570
Okay, but they're a little
chapped from the ride.
485
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:11,675
Uh, that's okay. Thanks.
486
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,647
Where are your
glasses, Hank?
487
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,421
Oh, did you decide
it's effeminate
488
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:22,859
for a man to wear them?
489
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:27,389
If so, I refer you
to Mr. Larry Hagman.
490
00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:27,524
If you care to know,
491
00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:29,557
a bar stool ran into me
and broke my glasses.
492
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:31,161
So, just take the bike,
and I'll take the bus.
493
00:19:31,203 --> 00:19:33,638
Hank, this is crazy.
494
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,539
Now, get on.
495
00:19:35,574 --> 00:19:37,008
I will drive.
496
00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:39,808
But that would mean
I have to ride on the...
497
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:41,939
other part of the seat.
498
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:43,244
You know, behind.
499
00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:45,182
Oh, stop acting like a baby
and get on.
500
00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:48,915
I am not a baby.
501
00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:12,777
( Shouting over engine ). Are
your arms getting stiff up there?
502
00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:13,938
A little.
503
00:20:13,979 --> 00:20:14,775
I suppose maybe
504
00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:19,251
I could put 'em down
here a little while.
505
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,589
Dead shake!
506
00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:29,084
Nice evasive
maneuver, Peggy.
507
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:38,828
Hank, there's a moose
drinking from that lake.
508
00:20:38,871 --> 00:20:40,430
There's a moose?
509
00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:41,668
And a lake?
510
00:20:41,707 --> 00:20:43,266
How big are
the antlers?
511
00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:44,970
Oh, my goodness, they're huge.
512
00:20:45,010 --> 00:20:48,139
Don't worry.
I'll get us closer.
513
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,352
Hey, I see it.
514
00:20:58,390 --> 00:21:00,085
I see it.
Its beautiful.
515
00:21:00,126 --> 00:21:03,027
Yes, it is, Hank.
516
00:21:03,062 --> 00:21:04,587
I love you, Peggy!
517
00:21:04,630 --> 00:21:05,961
Sandwich?
518
00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:09,491
I think there's one left
in that saddlebag.
519
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:38,495
Captioned by Media Access
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520
00:22:02,254 --> 00:22:05,189
Ya... Yahoo!
521
00:22:05,239 --> 00:22:09,789
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