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00:00:03,070 --> 00:00:09,442
Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
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00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:13,879
and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
TELEVISION
3
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:36,162
I Oh, when the Hank I
4
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,228
I Goes makes his eggs &
5
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:46,272
I Oh, when the Hank... I
6
00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:53,286
Aw.
7
00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:56,654
( Yelling )
8
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:01,028
What the...?
9
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,324
Dang cable company.
10
00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:04,626
I told them I didn't want
a hole in my wall.
11
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:07,862
This is what I get?
12
00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:20,074
( Screaming )
13
00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:22,207
( Screaming louder )
14
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:27,687
So, you found the tunnel.
15
00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:32,682
Is this the hole
you were talking about?
16
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:34,694
Dale, what the hell
were you thinking
17
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:37,026
digging a tunnel
under my house?
18
00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:38,259
You should be
flattered.
19
00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:41,131
Think of it as a
two-way friendship tube.
20
00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:42,363
I can escape
to your house
21
00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:43,733
when the Feds
come a-knockin'
22
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,363
and you can slip
over to mine
23
00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:48,807
when some jealous husband
comes looking for you.
24
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:51,209
There will always be
husbands jealous of Hank
25
00:01:51,244 --> 00:01:52,473
for marrying me.
26
00:01:52,512 --> 00:01:55,777
There is no place on Earth
he can hide from them.
27
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,375
No wonder I fell through--
28
00:01:57,417 --> 00:01:59,249
My floor joists are missing.
29
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,550
Uh, is that
what that was?
30
00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:03,920
I thought it was
underground driftwood.
31
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,824
I used it too reinforce
the walls of my tunnel.
32
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:09,955
Did you want me digging
in an unsafe tunnel?
33
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,590
Did ya, Hank?
34
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,566
Aw, it's going to take
a lot of hard work
35
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:14,965
to repair this floor.
36
00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:17,232
And since this is
all your fault, mister
37
00:02:17,270 --> 00:02:18,965
I'm not going
to let you help me.
38
00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:21,373
Can I help?
39
00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:25,276
Yes, Bobby.
40
00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:29,078
I fall through
the floor
41
00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:30,083
I'd say
on the average
42
00:02:30,117 --> 00:02:31,084
about once a year.
43
00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:33,610
So, fellas, I rented
a brand-new 6,000 RPM
44
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,486
high-torque circular saw.
45
00:02:35,522 --> 00:02:36,887
Boomhauer...
46
00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:38,891
How'd you like
to cut some wood?
47
00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:40,893
Oh, man, you gonna
have to ask, man?
48
00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:41,894
Dang ol...
49
00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:43,191
Bill, you can be next,
then me
50
00:02:43,230 --> 00:02:47,258
then Bobby,
and that's it.
51
00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:48,358
But, no, wait.
52
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:50,666
Hey, Khan, you want
to try my new saw?
53
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,331
KHAN:
How many RPM?
54
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:53,339
6,000.
55
00:02:53,373 --> 00:02:59,107
Nah.
56
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,114
Oh, here comes
the city inspector.
57
00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:02,809
Bobby, get inside.
58
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:03,816
Are you the owner?
59
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:04,817
Yes, sir.
60
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:05,909
Hank R. Hill.
61
00:03:05,952 --> 00:03:07,920
Just like it said
on my application
62
00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:09,251
for a building permit.
63
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:11,257
Did you get my check
for six dollars?
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00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:13,658
Yes, along with a
transcript of your grades
65
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,389
from high school
shop class.
66
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:16,396
Quite impressive.
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00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:22,392
I admire you for hiring
the mentally challenged.
68
00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:26,372
Mr. Hill, you have
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00:03:26,406 --> 00:03:27,771
a serious problem here.
70
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:28,969
Without any floor joists
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00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,977
this house is unsafe
to inhabit.
72
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:32,979
What if we just stay
out of the kitchen?
73
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:34,981
I've got a fridge
in the garage--
74
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:35,982
A propane grill.
75
00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:37,506
Oh, good,
problem solved.
76
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,645
Do I look like some jackass
from Power and Light?
77
00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:40,653
No, sir.
78
00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:42,712
And I ain't going
back there, either.
79
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:45,054
HANK:
Red tag?!
80
00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:46,685
No, no, green tag.
81
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:47,751
Green tag!
82
00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:50,126
You need to evacuate
the domicile immediately.
83
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:51,961
When can he
move back in?
84
00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:54,990
(as to a child): When all
the repairs have been made.
85
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:57,003
Would you boys like
a piece of hard candy?
86
00:03:57,037 --> 00:04:00,098
Yes, yes, I would,
please like a piece of candy.
87
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:02,108
I'd like to see
these men in helmets.
88
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:05,271
I don't mind us
staying at grandpa's
89
00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:07,974
but I won't share a bed
with Baby G.H.
90
00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:10,176
He always tries to suck
on my boobie.
91
00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:12,015
Hank, Peggy...
92
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:14,214
Dale has something
he wants to ask you.
93
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,221
Uh... ( mumbling )
94
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,222
Sug...
95
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,918
Look, Hank,
I dug a tunnel
96
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:21,155
you fell through it.
97
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:23,288
Mistakes were made
on both sides.
98
00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:25,321
What do you say
you and yours
99
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:26,958
come and stay with
me and mine?
100
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,490
You can take
the tunnel over.
101
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:31,971
Thank you, but we're
being taken in by family.
102
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:33,166
Hank, come on.
103
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:35,402
Dale drives me nuts
living next door.
104
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:38,605
There's a reason he and I
didn't get an apartment together
105
00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:39,612
after high school.
106
00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:41,614
Last time I stayed
at your father's
107
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:42,809
he threw a grenade at me.
108
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:44,817
It was a practice
grenade, but still...
109
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:47,013
it was a very
hostile gesture.
110
00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:48,316
( Sighs)
111
00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:49,686
Al right.
112
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:50,690
Thanks, Dale.
113
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,692
Uh, we'll do it.
114
00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:02,096
Strange bathroom,
no night-light.
115
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,332
I hope Mr. Gribble isn't
counting on 100% accuracy.
116
00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:07,363
Well, sit if you have to.
117
00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:08,374
I do.
118
00:05:08,408 --> 00:05:09,375
When I have to.
119
00:05:09,409 --> 00:05:14,609
MAN:
He's going for $100!
120
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,616
Dale, what do you
think you're doing?
121
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,778
Nancy won't let me watch
TV in the bedroom.
122
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:19,786
It keeps her up.
123
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,811
'You've got
to see this.
124
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:25,314
They got a guy swallowing bees
for 100 bucks.
125
00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:27,554
Dang it, Dale,
it's after 10:00 p.m.
126
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:32,031
Hank, you don't want
to use that remote...
127
00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,760
( explosion )
128
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,097
There goes the mailbox.
129
00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:37,331
'You have an exploding mailbox?
130
00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:38,895
That was your mailbox.
131
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,634
And yes, I do.
132
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:41,869
My goodness.
133
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:46,778
It's like my own
little diner in here.
134
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:50,477
Well, somebody's
not getting a tip.
135
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:51,814
I'm exhausted.
136
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,650
200 a.m., Dale
wakes me up
137
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,678
to spot him while
lifts weights.
138
00:05:55,722 --> 00:05:59,090
Peggy, the man
benches 35 pounds.
139
00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:05,087
Hmm... wow, look at that chunk.
140
00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:06,155
Ugh.
141
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,394
What's this?
142
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,630
Your welcome to sleep here
free of charge
143
00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:11,637
but consumables are
another matter.
144
00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:13,639
You'll see it's
all listed here.
145
00:06:13,673 --> 00:06:17,701
Water, electricity,
two rolls of toilet paper.
146
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:19,678
I've had enough
of you, Dale.
147
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,077
I'll finish my shredded wheat
out at the construction site.
148
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:24,743
I want that bowl back!
149
00:06:29,789 --> 00:06:30,950
Hank...
150
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:33,059
Did you use the towels
151
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,061
that were hanging
in the bathroom?
152
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,290
Those are just for
decoration.
153
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:37,455
Now they're ruined.
154
00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:39,659
Dale, those
were paper towels.
155
00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:42,191
And tell your wife
to answer the phone
156
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,499
"Gribble residence."
not "hello."
157
00:06:44,537 --> 00:06:47,768
Hey, you're not cutting
that board very straight.
158
00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:49,866
Aren't you supposed
to be inside the lines?
159
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,311
You're outside
the lines, see?
160
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:53,972
Oh, no.
161
00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:57,450
Oh, my God.
162
00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:58,974
(gasps )
163
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,511
( Screaming )
164
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:10,630
I can't believe
165
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:12,632
I cut off my
best friend's finger.
166
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,964
And I just reread
that safety manual.
167
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:17,265
I don't understand how this
could have happened, Hank.
168
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:20,137
I mean, I've been known
to do carpentry stone-drunk
169
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,835
but you're normally
so careful around tools.
170
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,277
DALE: He was careful, all right.
171
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:27,474
Careful to make it look
like an accident.
172
00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:30,449
'You were getting back at me
173
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:33,077
for what I did
to your tacky linoleum floor.
174
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,746
That is not true.
175
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,951
I should have never
moved in with you.
176
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:40,289
I think we might have a
domestic abuse situation here.
177
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,694
The big one's already
cut the little one's finger off.
178
00:07:42,729 --> 00:07:45,460
It always happens to the
younger prettier ones.
179
00:07:45,498 --> 00:07:46,829
If it were
up to you
180
00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:49,358
you would have filled
my buddy tunnel with cement
181
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,336
So no one else
could use it.
182
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,339
Sir, do you wish
to press assault charges?
183
00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:54,704
Assault charges?
184
00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:55,902
Damn right I do.
185
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:57,910
Officer, take him away.
186
00:07:57,944 --> 00:07:59,173
And see that his
human rights
187
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,203
are roundly violated.
188
00:08:01,247 --> 00:08:04,842
Mr. Hill, Mr. Gribble
alleges
189
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:07,319
that you intentionally
severed his finger.
190
00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:09,755
Your honor, it was an accident.
191
00:08:09,789 --> 00:08:12,690
We're wasting valuable
legal resources here.
192
00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:14,854
Objection. Conjecture.
193
00:08:14,894 --> 00:08:15,861
Objecture.
194
00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:17,488
That's not a word.
195
00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:20,898
Mr. Hill, please
control your outbursts.
196
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,902
I am issuing
a restraining order.
197
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:25,337
You are not to go
within 100 feet
198
00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:26,339
of Mr. Gribble.
199
00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:28,171
What?! That is crazy.
200
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,176
I live within a hundred feet
of him.
201
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,736
How am I going to fix
the house that he ruined?
202
00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:37,273
You seem to have a serious
problem controlling your rage.
203
00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:40,776
I'm sentencing you
to an anger management class.
204
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:41,787
Until you pass
205
00:08:41,821 --> 00:08:44,085
the restraining order
remains in effect.
206
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:45,683
Anger management?
207
00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:47,693
That's for guys
who spit on umpires.
208
00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:48,853
I don't need that class.
209
00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:51,387
You do if you ever want
to move back into your house.
210
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:56,631
Dale, you're lighting
your finger.
211
00:08:56,669 --> 00:08:58,194
Oh. Thanks
for the heads up.
212
00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,605
I still can't feel
anything in the digit.
213
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:01,698
What's that?
214
00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:04,836
Dale has no feeling
in the finger you cut off.
215
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:05,845
Accidentally.
216
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:09,008
You know, if you want, Bill,
Boomhauer, one of you guys
217
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,676
can come stand over by me.
218
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:13,049
BILL: I'll wait till you
pass that anger class.
219
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:16,215
'You cut Dale's finger off
for digging a tunnel.
220
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:19,385
I once made a vest
out of your wife's underpants.
221
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:21,485
I can't imagine
what you'd do to me.
222
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:22,859
Come on, I wouldn't hurt you.
223
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:25,388
'You guys know I don't have
a problem with anger.
224
00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:27,332
I have a problem with idiots.
225
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:29,233
Hold it
right there.
226
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,236
One more step
227
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,237
and you'll have to move
228
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:33,399
to a similar house
a few blocks away.
229
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,068
Not too pretty
a picture, is it?
230
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,703
Dang it.
231
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,440
( Groans )
232
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:45,748
Oh, God, he's on
another rampage!
233
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:49,380
Pray for us all!
234
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,390
Let's give a nice,
calm anger management
235
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:56,191
welcome to Hank Hill,
our newest student.
236
00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,196
( Various greetings )
237
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:59,597
Hank cut his neighbor's finger
off with a saw
238
00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:01,031
in a fit of rage.
239
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:02,228
No, no, no.
240
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:03,667
It was an accident.
241
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:06,400
My neighbor put his finger
in front of the blade.
242
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:07,406
Hank, my man
243
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,932
that's what we call
"blaming others."
244
00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:12,411
It's not my fault
his finger was there.
245
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:15,608
It's not my fault
I ran a woman off the road
246
00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:17,616
when she changed lanes
without signaling.
247
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:19,880
Hmm, right, Big Jim?
248
00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:21,887
She had a cell phone
in one hand
249
00:10:21,921 --> 00:10:23,889
and a Lands' End catalog
in the other.
250
00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:25,152
Dirtbag got what
she deserves.
251
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:28,855
Next time, you want to call
someone a dirt bag
252
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:31,796
stop and picture that person
as a big bag of dirt.
253
00:10:31,831 --> 00:10:33,299
Just a big
254
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:36,826
old bag of dirt
driving her SUV.
255
00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:38,269
And you know what?
256
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:39,294
You'll have to pull over
257
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:42,969
'cause you'll have the giggles.
258
00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:48,106
That's what we call
259
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,115
"silly humor."
260
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,116
Hank, you're not laughing.
261
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,549
At a bag of dirt?
262
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:52,847
What's funny about that?
263
00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:55,446
Wow, you are just
a bundle of rage.
264
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,513
My goodness, if you
become angry
265
00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:59,525
even in this
peaceful environment
266
00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:00,526
you're on your way
267
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,528
to a massive heart attack
or stroke.
268
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:03,529
I'm not angry.
269
00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:04,530
I am a little annoyed
270
00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:06,532
I have to be stuck
in this stupid class
271
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:09,399
for the next
eight Saturdays.
272
00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:12,063
Why don't you pet
an imaginary cat.
273
00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:15,131
Just... like... this.
274
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:19,976
Slow... and gentle...
and easy.
275
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,139
I call her Soothie.
276
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,580
Soothie the kitty.
277
00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:23,605
Want to pet her?
278
00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:24,617
I'll pass.
279
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:27,416
Come on, pet
Mr. Mellowpuss.
280
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:28,477
He says he doesn't
want to pet
281
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:29,852
the freakin'
invisible cat.
282
00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:32,483
Leave him alone!
283
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:33,492
Thanks, buddy.
284
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:37,724
Then they tell me if someone
does something stupid
285
00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:41,962
I'm supposed to think
of a calming phrase
286
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:44,629
like, "Relax, Mr. Angry Slacks."
287
00:11:44,671 --> 00:11:47,971
Or, "Cool it down,
grumpy clown."
288
00:11:48,007 --> 00:11:49,668
You see, it's asinine.
289
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,074
Take it easy,
Parcheesi.
290
00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:53,078
That is exactly
the kind of anger
291
00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:55,080
that leads you to cutting
off people's fingers.
292
00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:58,880
Peggy, you of all people know
I didn't do that on purpose.
293
00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:00,886
All right, Hank,
I wasn't there.
294
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,389
Now, isn't it possible
that somewhere
295
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:04,515
in your subconscious
296
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,616
you really wanted
to hurt Dale?
297
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:08,491
Nol! It's not
possible!
298
00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:10,496
DIDI: Hank has
always been angry.
299
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:11,861
When we were
in kindergarten
300
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:14,128
and the other children
would use the fingerpaints
301
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,362
he would pinch them.
302
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,631
You are a bald-faced liar!
303
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:18,796
Amen!
304
00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:24,939
Now, I'm going to teach you
all a little dance.
305
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:27,037
The "Avoid-dance."
306
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,447
Who has a child who keeps
a messy room, hmm?
307
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:31,883
Next time you
walk by
308
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:34,944
Junior's messy room
shut the door.
309
00:12:34,988 --> 00:12:36,956
Don't look at what
infuriates you.
310
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:40,255
Just do this little dance.
311
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:41,260
Shut the door...
312
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:43,888
shut the door, shut the door.
313
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,227
Come on Hank,
stand up
314
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,790
and do the Avoid-dance
with me.
315
00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:48,028
Everyone join in!
316
00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:49,262
Shut the door...
317
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:50,929
ALL:
Shut the door...
318
00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:53,598
Big Jim, is there a reason
you're not shutting the door?
319
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:57,008
'Cause you're a pencil-neck,
who's got diarrhea of the mouth.
320
00:12:57,043 --> 00:12:59,068
Okay, anger, anger.
321
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,739
Try silly humor.
322
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,806
Can you picture poo poo
coming out of my mouth?
323
00:13:03,850 --> 00:13:06,842
No, but I can picture it coming
out of my butt.
324
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:07,910
Can I have a hall pass?
325
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,581
Of course.
326
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:15,288
Uh, I think I have to...
uh...
327
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:16,921
make, too.
328
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,692
Excuse me.
329
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:21,359
Can you believe
that bunk he's selling?
330
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:22,425
Don't ever get angry?
331
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,698
You turn
into the world's doormat.
332
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:25,932
Read your Bible.
333
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:27,133
God has a hell
of a temper.
334
00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:30,700
You piss Him off, you're
up to your ass in locusts.
335
00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:32,302
Look at Him the wrong
way, pillar of salt.
336
00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:34,473
He's one tough, two-fisted,
gin-joint bouncer
337
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:37,142
and He made us in
His image.
338
00:13:37,183 --> 00:13:39,515
'You know, that's the first thing
I've heard today
339
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:40,883
that's made any sense.
340
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:41,682
I know one thing--
341
00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:43,086
That twig boy
can't flunk us
342
00:13:43,122 --> 00:13:44,920
for being constipated
for an hour.
343
00:13:44,957 --> 00:13:47,221
Let's grab a beer.
344
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,820
Thanks, but I need to spend
any spare time
345
00:13:49,862 --> 00:13:50,761
repairing my house
346
00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,322
before my idiot neighbor
gets home.
347
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,925
You know, I build dollhouse
furniture for a living.
348
00:13:54,967 --> 00:13:57,493
Maybe I can help out.
349
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:05,378
Hank Rutherford Hill.
350
00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:07,311
You are within 100 feet of me
351
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,315
and much as I like to scoff
at the law
352
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,943
I also like to
arbitrarily enforce it.
353
00:14:11,984 --> 00:14:12,951
Skedaddle, boy.
354
00:14:12,985 --> 00:14:15,647
We've got a tunnel to dig
under the alley.
355
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:16,655
What?
356
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:17,656
Yeah, it's going
to go
357
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,818
from Dale's house to my house
to Boomhauer's house.
358
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,260
Little three-way
friendship tube
359
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,423
and you ain't invited.
360
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:25,522
The only rules are
361
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:27,055
no spitting
and no cutting
362
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:28,192
other people's
fingers off.
363
00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:30,726
You probably wouldn't
like it down there, Hank.
364
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,671
Yeah, man, talkin' "bout no
dang ol' psychos allowed, man.
365
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,640
Good God, you're
serious?!
366
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,871
The alley is city
property.
367
00:14:37,910 --> 00:14:38,877
As block captain
368
00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:40,538
I will come down on you
369
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:43,140
with the full
authority of my office.
370
00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:44,843
And who the hell are you?
371
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,374
Hank, you know
Octavio.
372
00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:48,080
He's my Gal Friday.
373
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:49,486
Does anything I want.
374
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:50,489
Now, you, scoot!
375
00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:51,922
100 feet.
376
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:53,926
Move it.
377
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:59,389
'You shut your got dang mouth,
or I'll shove that ditch witch
378
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,400
down your throat and
dig a tunnel straight
379
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:02,993
through
to sunshine!
380
00:15:03,035 --> 00:15:04,799
That's telling him.
381
00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:05,804
Felt good, too.
382
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:09,832
Back off, Hank, or Octavio
will mess you up.
383
00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:11,844
Gribble, I don't care
if he stays or goes.
384
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:14,176
Where's the money
you owe me, esse?
385
00:15:14,213 --> 00:15:15,305
You heard him.
386
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,316
Take the first
shot, Cochise!
387
00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:18,317
I love two things:
388
00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:21,218
building dollhouse
furniture and kicking ass!
389
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,655
And I don't see no
dollhouses 'round here.
390
00:15:23,689 --> 00:15:25,521
'You see any
dollhouses, Hank?!
391
00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:26,525
No, I don't!
392
00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:27,822
No, you don't!
That's right!
393
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:29,760
What are you looking at, sport?!
394
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:30,763
Don't you
eyeball me!
395
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:32,925
Don't you eyeball
a junkyard dog!
396
00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:33,932
( Barking )
397
00:15:33,966 --> 00:15:35,161
Now you got
the dog barking!
398
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:36,293
Look, you got
it, you got it!
399
00:15:36,335 --> 00:15:39,168
( Barking )
400
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:45,042
( Snarling )
401
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:03,625
Paramedics said he
got so worked up
402
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,256
he just stroked out.
403
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:08,268
It was a short period
of suffering
404
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:12,329
but probably fairly
intense.
405
00:16:12,371 --> 00:16:16,808
Hank, that's exactly what
you look like when you sleep.
406
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:19,602
Dang!
407
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:22,205
No more bouncing that ball!
408
00:16:22,248 --> 00:16:25,582
I'm going
to kick your ass!
409
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:26,744
You're out of control!
410
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:27,844
Out of my way, rooster boy.
411
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:35,294
( Yelling )
412
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:38,229
( Grunting and yelping )
413
00:16:38,264 --> 00:16:40,289
HANK: That could
be me lying there.
414
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,494
It does not have to be, Hank.
415
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,935
You are taking a class
that gives you the tools
416
00:16:43,970 --> 00:16:47,770
to handle your anger.
417
00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:52,802
You love tools.
Go ahead and use them.
418
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,870
BARRY:
I know a lot of you thought
419
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:57,110
you wouldn't make it
to graduation
420
00:16:57,149 --> 00:16:58,412
but you have.
421
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:01,182
Well, not all of you.
422
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:04,190
As much as it pains me,
I have to fail Big Jim.
423
00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:06,885
I mean,
he died of anger.
424
00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:09,327
My hands are tied.
425
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,057
It's diploma time.
426
00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:12,997
Mr. Hill,
congratulations.
427
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:20,496
Uh, it says "Hink Hall."
428
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,508
You got the "I"
and the "A" mixed up.
429
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:23,509
This might make it difficult
430
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,511
for me to get
my restraining order lifted.
431
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:28,037
I'll bet that really steams
your beans, doesn't it "Hink?"
432
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,175
Uh, yeah, yeah.
433
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:34,278
Hey, you big chowder head,
you spelled my name wrong.
434
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,287
( Chuckles )
435
00:17:35,321 --> 00:17:39,758
You're just a body with
a big bowl of soup on it.
436
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:41,191
Congrats, man
437
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:44,822
you passed
the final test.
438
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:46,832
Next up-- Mr. Mangione.
439
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:51,463
"Chick" Mangione?
440
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:57,466
I'm not a chick;
I'm a dude!
441
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:12,080
DALE:
Beer cooler docking complete.
442
00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:13,216
We have beer.
443
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:14,420
Deploy lips.
444
00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:15,621
What the...?
445
00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:19,222
You actually
dug the dang tunnel?!
446
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,632
But I told you...
447
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:25,331
All right,
easy there, angry bear...
448
00:18:25,371 --> 00:18:26,361
Is that Hank Hill?
449
00:18:26,405 --> 00:18:28,635
You don't sound
100 feet away.
450
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:30,438
No, gentlemen,
you'll be happy to know
451
00:18:30,476 --> 00:18:33,275
that I am certified
anger-free.
452
00:18:33,312 --> 00:18:34,973
Now that the restraining order's
been lifted
453
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:36,743
what do you say you guys
take a break
454
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:39,547
from that dark tunnel,
and enjoy a cold beer
455
00:18:39,585 --> 00:18:41,178
up here in the sunny alley.
456
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:42,585
DALE:
Don't waste time
457
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,919
talking to him.
458
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:46,789
We got to dig a place
to put our empties.
459
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:04,073
Uh, fellas, you might
want to get out of there.
460
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:06,204
You see, there's
a garbage truck coming.
461
00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:08,339
They weigh about five tons
462
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:10,577
and your last tunnel
couldn't support me
463
00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:11,879
on an empty stomach.
464
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:13,385
No time to gab, Hank.
465
00:19:13,419 --> 00:19:14,944
We got bigger
fish to fry.
466
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:18,890
The game, gentlemen,
is Crazy Eights.
467
00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:21,154
Come on, please. I'm serious!
468
00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:23,287
Sorry, I don't
speak "Surface."
469
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:29,291
Okay, look.
470
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,603
My idiot friends
rented a ditch witch
471
00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:37,609
and they're in the tunnel
under the alley.
472
00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:38,610
So if you drive
over there
473
00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:40,612
you'll probably
crush 'em to death.
474
00:19:40,646 --> 00:19:42,614
Buddy, I used to be
just like you--
475
00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:43,615
Drinking, hanging
around alleys
476
00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:45,617
making up stories
just to get attention.
477
00:19:45,651 --> 00:19:48,052
Get it together.
478
00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:51,489
Oh, gosh, dang it.
479
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:54,221
Pet the cat, pet the cat...
480
00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:56,354
Come on, guys,
please get out of there.
481
00:19:56,395 --> 00:19:57,726
Watch the anger.
482
00:19:57,763 --> 00:19:59,731
'You don't want to end up
like Big Jim.
483
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:00,732
Remember? He's dead.
484
00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:05,135
That's because Big Jim
had an anger problem.
485
00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:06,138
This is different.
486
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:07,230
I have an idiot problem.
487
00:20:07,273 --> 00:20:12,837
Uh, guys... come on, get out.
488
00:20:20,419 --> 00:20:22,683
Get out, get out, get out!
489
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:25,191
If you don't get out
of that got'dang rat hole now
490
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,556
I'll get my circular saw,
come down there
491
00:20:27,593 --> 00:20:30,119
cut off all
your fingers and toes!
492
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:33,097
Now move! Move! Move!
493
00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:44,443
Okay, Hank, now that
we're out of the tunnel
494
00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:46,070
what is so damn
important?
495
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:49,207
Man, I got dang ol'
save coldest beer
496
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:53,617
for my man, talkin' 'bout,
man, I owe you one, man.
497
00:20:53,652 --> 00:20:54,619
Thanks, Boomhauer.
498
00:20:54,653 --> 00:20:56,178
BILL: Hank, I cleaned all those
499
00:20:56,222 --> 00:20:58,190
What a burger wrappers
off my lawn
500
00:20:58,224 --> 00:20:59,419
just like you
told me to.
501
00:20:59,458 --> 00:21:01,984
It's just my little
way of saying thank you
502
00:21:02,027 --> 00:21:03,017
for losing your temper.
503
00:21:03,062 --> 00:21:05,997
And to show you that
we're best buds again
504
00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:08,830
I'm going to connect our
houses with a rope bridge.
505
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:11,496
Sh-shal
506
00:21:11,537 --> 00:21:13,869
HANK:
Dale!
507
00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:19,868
Wait, here's the fun part.
508
00:21:23,649 --> 00:21:27,517
A-yah zip!
509
00:21:27,553 --> 00:21:33,458
Well, you get the idea.
510
00:21:37,263 --> 00:21:43,225
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
511
00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:06,417
BILL: Yes, yes, I would
please like a piece of candy!
512
00:22:06,467 --> 00:22:11,017
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