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1
00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:40,432
Huh? What was that?
2
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:46,112
Bad news. I just called
every public course in Heimlich County...
3
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:47,612
and they're all booked up.
4
00:00:47,814 --> 00:00:50,408
It's that dang PGA tournament
they're gonna be playing...
5
00:00:50,517 --> 00:00:52,315
over at the Nine Rivers Country Club.
6
00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:56,883
Tiger Woods comes to town
and everyone's a golfer.
7
00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:01,257
You know, it's times like these
when it seems crazy...
8
00:01:01,361 --> 00:01:04,262
that we don't have
our own backyard putting green.
9
00:01:04,431 --> 00:01:05,762
I don't know, Hank.
10
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:08,631
Taking care of a putting green
means extra watering...
11
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:11,261
extra mowing, more fertilizing.
12
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:14,102
Our lives would be nothing but lawn care.
13
00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:19,169
Let's go! Let's go!
Let's build a putting green!
14
00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:20,269
Yeah!
15
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:23,816
This is one small step for man...
16
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:27,478
one giant leap for golf kind.
17
00:01:33,961 --> 00:01:37,420
Well, I've been asking for a batting cage
since the day we moved in.
18
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:38,498
Bobby?
19
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,125
-Shush!
-Hey, it's a backyard golf course.
20
00:01:42,235 --> 00:01:43,896
Regular redneck country club.
21
00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:46,405
How many food stamps
it cost to play a round?
22
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:52,011
Well, it's better than the putting green
you have in your back yard.
23
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:55,472
Oh, wait, guys.
Kahn doesn't have one, does he?
24
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,949
Let's see. He's got a hammock...
25
00:01:58,051 --> 00:02:01,385
trampoline, a shed, a built-in grill.
26
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:05,625
No. No putting green, Hank.
Your joke is completely accurate.
27
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:08,855
What I need to clutter my backyard
with rinky-dink putting green for?
28
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,590
I'm joining Nine Rivers Country Club.
29
00:02:12,265 --> 00:02:14,632
-Kahn, you're a lucky ducky!
-Yeah.
30
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:17,705
Next weekend I'll be in members-only box
on fourth hole cheering for...
31
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,933
Eldrick "Tiger" Woods
as he pumps his fist in victory.
32
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:23,373
-Maybe I'll high-five him.
-Bobby?
33
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:25,374
-Shush it!
-I'm not finished!
34
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,447
Yeah, that's right. The fourth hole.
35
00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:30,847
Signature hole at Nine Rivers.
36
00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:34,384
KAHN: From the tee,
a deep ravine separates the golfer...
37
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:37,924
from a two-tiered, Zoysia-grass green.
38
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:41,552
The green is jealously guarded
from behind by native marshlands.
39
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:46,600
And in front by bunkers, which encircle it
like a strand of rare pearls.
40
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,564
No wonder this 175-yard masterpiece...
41
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,139
can become either
a portrait of frustration...
42
00:02:52,239 --> 00:02:55,300
or one of unequalled joy.
43
00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:58,277
[Kahn clapping]
44
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:02,115
Dream over, rednecks.
Time to return to putt-putt nightmare.
45
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:07,017
The hell with Kahn!
You know, we've already got the green.
46
00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:10,053
We can put in a fairway
and make an exact replica...
47
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:12,592
of the fourth hole right here in the alley.
48
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,559
According to my truck odometer...
49
00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:17,858
Boomhauer's place is exactly
a tenth of a mile from here.
50
00:03:17,964 --> 00:03:21,525
-That's 176 yards.
- I don't follow your math...
51
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:24,570
but I'm moved by your passion. Go on.
52
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:28,107
Well, you see,
the alley is sort of like a big ravine.
53
00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:30,801
-Especially when the sewer backs up.
-Sorry.
54
00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:34,106
And Kahn's yard might as well be
a sand trap.
55
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,444
Nothing that lands in there's
ever coming back.
56
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:40,043
BILL: And we could arrange those garbage
cans just like a string of pearls.
57
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:41,314
That'll show Kahn.
58
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:44,090
Why you tell hillbillies
we get into Nine Rivers?
59
00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:45,989
I was just trying to make them feel bad.
60
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:48,619
But it backfire
and wind up bumming me out!
61
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,528
Nine Rivers turn us down
six times already.
62
00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:55,261
Last time they send rejection letter,
we not even mail in application.
63
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:58,702
I'm tired of feeling
like rare orchid growing...
64
00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:01,706
from giant pile of dung that is this alley.
65
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:04,937
Nine Rivers is only all-Asian country club
in Heimlich County.
66
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:07,673
We all-Asian. We should be there.
67
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:10,884
All right. Then this time,
we not use proper channels.
68
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:13,819
Call Ted Wassanasong.
69
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,681
He now the big muckamuck
on membership committee.
70
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:20,522
We invite him over, fill him with the liquor
and pop the question.
71
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:25,563
Dare I dream it?
Nine Rivers will be our new home.
72
00:04:25,665 --> 00:04:27,360
We eat there, shower there.
73
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:30,129
We only have to come back here
to pick up invitations...
74
00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:32,604
to next party at Nine Rivers!
75
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:38,846
What happens if my tee shot
lands on a bird's back...
76
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:40,777
and he carries it out of bounds
but then is attacked...
77
00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:45,210
by a larger bird who grabs the ball
and drops it in the hole?
78
00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:48,686
Is that still a hole-in-one?
Because that's how I'm gonna play it.
79
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:53,017
Dang it, Dale. It already happened once.
What are the odds of it happening again?
80
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:56,427
Hi-ya!
81
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:04,535
How hard would it have been to say we
had to pick up Uncle Vong at the airport?
82
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:05,628
Not very!
83
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:09,471
Well, we've been forbidding
Chang to date Connie.
84
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:11,704
Let's have dinner
and remind ourselves why.
85
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:15,271
Greetings, Ted and Cindy Wassanasong!
86
00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:17,315
It's been too long!
87
00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:21,148
We just had you over a few...
Well, yeah, we meant to.
88
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,722
Say, the alarm in my Mercedes is
on the fritz.
89
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,983
Am I going to be okay on the street?
90
00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:29,126
Or should you move your car
and let me park in the garage?
91
00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:30,253
Rest easy.
92
00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:33,856
The only crime here is
how much taxes are going up...
93
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:36,299
due to skyrocketing property values.
94
00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:46,739
So I hear very funny joke the other day.
95
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:50,647
Takes place at Nine Rivers Country Club.
You ever been there?
96
00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:53,013
-We're charter members.
-Really?
97
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:55,552
I'm not the type
to keep track of these things.
98
00:05:58,425 --> 00:06:01,156
-And the joke?
-Oh. Yes.
99
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,695
Actually, Minh the big joke-teller.
100
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,397
Man walks into a bar, it's Kahn!
101
00:06:10,503 --> 00:06:12,597
He's incredibly successful!
102
00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:16,167
Oh, wait. That's not a joke.
It really happened.
103
00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:19,974
Please. Ted and Cindy do not want
to hear about my success.
104
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,542
I'm sure they would rather taste it...
105
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:25,384
by means of your fillet mignon.
106
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:29,981
Eight.
107
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:34,318
Come, Ted.
108
00:06:34,427 --> 00:06:38,125
Let us repair to the lanai.
The sunset awaits us.
109
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,528
And that's not all.
110
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:43,069
Cohibas!
111
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:45,762
Super nice.
112
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:47,838
We'll never smoke them all tonight.
113
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:51,002
Good thing you have a private humidor
at Nine Rivers.
114
00:06:54,681 --> 00:06:58,640
Maybe we go there sometime,
watch PGA tournament together.
115
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:01,147
Kahn, that's only for members.
116
00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:05,053
I think I see where you're going with this.
Let me help.
117
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:06,750
I would be honored--
118
00:07:09,729 --> 00:07:10,753
KAHN: Hey, monkey!
119
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:14,194
Get back on your unicycle,
go down to Williams-Sonoma...
120
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:16,065
and buy me new martini pitcher!
121
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:17,728
It was just an accident, Kahn.
122
00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:19,498
If that kind of thing bothers you...
123
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:22,132
you shouldn't have bought a house
on a golf course.
124
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,810
I must apologize for my neighbors.
125
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:28,847
They build crude replica of fourth hole
at Nine Rivers...
126
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,884
because they not good enough
to play there like you...
127
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,119
and me.
128
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:37,918
Hitting into this kind of wind, you've
got to play the ball back in your stance.
129
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:41,150
Keep it low.
Then just watch it bite and hold.
130
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:45,021
Huh. Not a lot of guys know
how to hit a decent knockdown shot.
131
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,225
Just takes practice. Cigar?
132
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:48,699
Oh, don't mind if I...
133
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,439
Oh, you probably didn't realize it,
but this is Cuban.
134
00:07:52,839 --> 00:07:56,867
-I'll just go ahead and destroy it for you.
-Good one.
135
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,969
You know, anybody who went to
all this trouble to build a replica...
136
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,014
really ought to try the real thing.
137
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:05,278
How would you like to play
Nine Rivers tomorrow as my guest?
138
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:08,880
Well, that would be... Wow!
139
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,451
I'll get us a 9:00 tee time.
And bring a friend.
140
00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:18,663
Oh, Kahn, I almost forgot. Bye.
141
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,392
Well, this evening wasn't
a complete waste.
142
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,335
Looks like Nine Rivers has finally found
its white guy.
143
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:28,203
I think you got the best one of the lot, too.
144
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:32,309
Yes. There's no two ways about it.
He's super white!
145
00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:39,342
If I'm gonna play a fancy-smancy club
like Nine Rivers...
146
00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:42,353
I'd better go sew a pom-pom
to the top of my hat.
147
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,514
I've never golfed with a caddie before.
148
00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:47,719
-I'm gonna treat him like crap.
-Now, hold on.
149
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:51,695
That Wassanasong fellow said
I could bring a friend.
150
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:54,762
I'm sure of it. He enunciates very clearly.
151
00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:58,235
-Bill's out!
-No, I'm okay. I can still play!
152
00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:00,830
I haven't decided who I'm taking yet.
153
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:03,303
Frankly, I'm leaning towards Boomhauer.
154
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:06,878
But Boomhauer has a bad shoulder.
155
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,575
Knock it off.
Now, I'm thinking of a number.
156
00:09:10,683 --> 00:09:12,811
DALE: Three.
HANK: Yes.
157
00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:15,717
Wingo. He always picks three.
158
00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:17,515
Except when he picks five.
159
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,252
Here are your clubs, sir.
160
00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:29,526
So beautiful.
161
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:32,498
So goddang beautiful.
162
00:09:32,605 --> 00:09:33,572
[Car honking]
163
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:36,802
Sorry, Hank. I'm not gonna be able
to golf with you today as...
164
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:40,505
I have to go to the bank
and make an unexpected deposit.
165
00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:46,414
Howdy, neighbor. Need a fourth?
166
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:47,509
Kahn?
167
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,714
Hey, I thought I said to bring a friend.
168
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:52,450
What happened to the two skinny guys
or the fat one?
169
00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:55,426
Hank prefers my company.
And who can blame him?
170
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:58,054
Yes. Well, Hank,
I'll show you to the locker room...
171
00:09:58,164 --> 00:10:00,155
so you can change into your clothes.
172
00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:02,624
Uh, these are my clothes.
173
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:05,266
Oh, I'm sorry. It's my fault.
174
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:07,668
I should have told you
about our dress code.
175
00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:10,742
-No denim nor T-shirts.
-Ted is powerful man.
176
00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:15,406
But he cannot change club policy.
You put him in very awkward position.
177
00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:17,748
- I think you should go.
-Nonsense.
178
00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:23,682
Let's get you fixed up
at the pro shop, Hank. My treat.
179
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:30,095
Hank, I want you to meet the chairman
of our membership committee, Mr. Ho.
180
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:31,425
He'll be our fourth.
181
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,672
What are they saying?
182
00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:44,971
How should I know?
They're speaking Chinese.
183
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:46,409
I look Chinese to you?
184
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:51,474
Mr. Ho says, "Let's do it, Hank.
Let's play some golf."
185
00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:53,449
Don't be nervous.
186
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:56,521
The first shot only sets tone for entire day.
187
00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:05,526
Super nice.
188
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:07,396
Looks like this guy's a golfer.
189
00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:30,980
Here it is, Hank. Number four.
The signature hole.
190
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:38,994
Pinch me, Mr. Ho.
191
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:47,802
Hillbilly!
192
00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:50,268
God dang it! Dang.
193
00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:59,244
Damn it, Kahn!
Do you want to join Nine Rivers?
194
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:00,546
Oh, Ted, thank you, yes!
195
00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:03,884
Well, you can forget it
unless you make Mr. Ho see...
196
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:06,357
that Hank would be
the perfect Nine Rivers member.
197
00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:09,893
What? Why are you so interested
in that chicken-fried loser?
198
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,725
If we don't attract
at least one non-Asian member...
199
00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:15,891
the PGA is going to pull the tournament
from Nine Rivers.
200
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:19,434
You deliver me Hank,
and I'll put you up for junior membership.
201
00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:21,268
You will offer me full membership.
202
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:23,035
-Associate membership.
-Full membership!
203
00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:24,200
Done.
204
00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:36,815
Hole-in-one! Hole-in-one!
205
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,923
That was my second shot
and it didn't even go in.
206
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:43,389
Look at this guy.
A perfect swing, a sense of humor...
207
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:46,429
and that magnificent head of hair.
208
00:12:46,532 --> 00:12:50,162
Some poor sap is walking around
with nothing because this guy has it all.
209
00:12:58,578 --> 00:12:59,739
I hate Hank.
210
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:05,283
Leaving us to play with his fancy new
friends on his fancy-ass golf course.
211
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:09,451
Oh, God, I hope he comes back.
I love Hank.
212
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:13,284
He abandoned you, Bill.
Quit being such a doormat.
213
00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:19,796
Pathetic.
214
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:25,871
It was awfully nice of you to drive
your cart down to the 7-Eleven...
215
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,507
to get my brand, Kahn.
216
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,042
I'll make sure we stock Alamo here
from now on, Hank.
217
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:33,146
That's the level of service
Nine Rivers offers its members.
218
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:37,245
I guess that's my clumsy way of saying
I hope you'll be one.
219
00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:38,810
Whoa!
220
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:41,516
Well, I'm flattered.
But I could never afford--
221
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:45,251
Oh, no. It's surprisingly affordable.
Especially for new members.
222
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,759
What do you pay for greens fees
at the public course?
223
00:13:47,894 --> 00:13:49,020
$11.
224
00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:52,930
Our rates are competitive with that.
225
00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:57,765
Well, no offense, but isn't Nine Rivers
an all-Oriental club?
226
00:13:58,037 --> 00:14:01,473
All-Asian? No. At least not by design.
227
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,565
You see, this club was founded...
228
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,407
by an immigrant Vietnamese
hot-sauce tycoon...
229
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:09,675
after he was excluded from
all the other clubs in Heimlich County.
230
00:14:09,816 --> 00:14:13,514
The first members were his friends,
who also happened to be Asian.
231
00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:16,848
And then their friends joined, also Asian.
And so on.
232
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:19,584
It's kind of like Arlen Lanes.
233
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:22,662
Their Tuesday night league's
nothing but locksmiths.
234
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:27,395
Still, I don't really know anyone here.
235
00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:30,299
Oh, but you will.
236
00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:34,037
Hank, everyone at Nine Rivers
come from different places.
237
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:36,438
Laos, China, Vietnam, Cambodia...
238
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:39,910
Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand,
South Korea.
239
00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:43,605
But we all have one thing in common.
Our love of golf.
240
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:46,112
Join us, brother.
241
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,050
Think about it, Hank.
242
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:51,884
Talk it over with your wife, Peggy,
and son Bobby, age 13.
243
00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:56,090
Black car!
244
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:59,094
Oh, it's just a hearse.
245
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:03,127
Nine Rivers Club car is Continental
with spoked wheels and a landau roof.
246
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:06,598
If we're voted in, Mr. Ho will pull up...
247
00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:10,901
present membership card,
parking decals, official windbreaker...
248
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:14,177
Please, Hank Hill, say yes!
249
00:15:15,114 --> 00:15:17,378
-Is that a Continental?
-Yes. Yes.
250
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:19,880
We're in!
251
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:23,180
You joined an all-Asian country club?
252
00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:26,552
Peggy, Nine Rivers isn't about
whether you're Asian or not.
253
00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:30,557
It's about golf and friendship.
You'll see what I mean tonight.
254
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:33,257
There's a big banquet
to welcome the PGA.
255
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,925
-Boy, I hope they have forks.
-All right, Hank...
256
00:15:36,302 --> 00:15:40,296
what I'm about to say
is not politically correct, but here goes.
257
00:15:41,007 --> 00:15:42,475
This whole thing seems odd.
258
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:53,480
-Hank Hill, so nice to see you.
-Hank, how's my favorite new member?
259
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:58,821
Wow! Forgive me for saying this,
Peggy Hill, but you are super hot.
260
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:02,261
You are forgiven.
261
00:16:05,364 --> 00:16:08,959
If I had a daughter,
here is where she would marry your son.
262
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:12,797
Hey, Hank Hill.
263
00:16:13,072 --> 00:16:16,042
-I save you seat at new-member table.
-Hold on, Hank.
264
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:19,008
There are some people from the PGA
I'd like you to meet.
265
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:22,739
You know, Ted,
I'm a member of the PGA myself.
266
00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:26,775
The "Propane Gas Association.�
267
00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:31,786
Because I sell
propane and propane accessories.
268
00:16:36,028 --> 00:16:38,827
Oh, Hank, you are out of control.
269
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,532
I don't really know anybody up there.
270
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:48,039
Nonsense. You know Mr. Ho.
And this is the founder of our club...
271
00:16:48,407 --> 00:16:50,876
-Mr. Tranh.
-The hot-sauce guy?
272
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,880
You look much younger on the label.
273
00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:59,646
-Ah, there's a rooster on the label.
-Peggy is just joking.
274
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,244
You'll find the Hills have
a wicked sense of humor.
275
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,653
And these gentlemen are from the PGA.
276
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:11,057
This is Hank Hill,
one of our most respected members.
277
00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:12,323
Howdy.
278
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:16,360
I must say, Hank, you seem very
down-to-earth for a man of your wealth.
279
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:19,936
-Well, enjoy dinner.
-Aren't you sitting here?
280
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:23,976
No, the dais is reserved
for honored guests and new members.
281
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:26,177
But Kahn and Minh are new.
282
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:35,754
Hank, I'm not sure,
but I think we are gods to them.
283
00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:38,491
Good evening. Before we get started...
284
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:41,250
wait staff, table 28 needs
a bottle of hot sauce.
285
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:45,291
Now, I hope every member has written
their name on a raffle ticket.
286
00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:48,090
Tonight we have a very special prize.
287
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:52,933
A practice round of golf with the greatest
Asian player in the history of the game.
288
00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:54,197
Tiger Woods.
289
00:17:57,143 --> 00:18:00,545
And the winner is...
Oh, my goodness, Hank Hill!
290
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,712
There it is. Hank Hill.
291
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:05,682
You won! Golf with Tiger Woods!
292
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:17,054
Congratulations, Hank Hill.
293
00:18:17,496 --> 00:18:19,760
But the real winner here is Tiger.
294
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:23,025
I hear Hank got
a hole-in-one the other day.
295
00:18:23,135 --> 00:18:25,604
If you want to take your picture with Hank,
he'll be in the lobby later.
296
00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:29,372
The line starts with me.
297
00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:35,743
Ted, you fixed the raffle.
I could go to jail for this.
298
00:18:35,881 --> 00:18:38,407
Oh, that. That's just a club tradition.
299
00:18:38,584 --> 00:18:41,952
-The new member always wins.
-Then why didn't Kahn win?
300
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:45,318
He's a new member.
Why didn't Kahn sit at the head table?
301
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:48,653
Why did I get prime rib
and everyone else got eggplant?
302
00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:52,465
-Everything okay, Ted?
-Great. Everything's fine.
303
00:18:52,898 --> 00:18:54,366
Then explain this.
304
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:57,730
Look, the PGA was going to cancel
the tournament here...
305
00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:00,431
because we didn't have
any non-Asian members.
306
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,974
We told them
Fred Chung was from Hawaii.
307
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:04,565
But they said that wouldn't cut it.
308
00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:07,806
So you only like me
because of the color of my skin?
309
00:19:08,514 --> 00:19:11,540
It wasn't my swing or my sense of humor?
310
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:14,654
Hank, it's not like
you're not getting anything out of this.
311
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:17,416
You got the hat, the slacks,
a round with Tiger Woods...
312
00:19:17,523 --> 00:19:21,482
-and a $40,000 membership.
-$40,000?
313
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:23,226
You said it was $11.
314
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:28,028
Hank, I will admit I first asked you to join
because you are white.
315
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:32,166
Now I'm asking you to stay
because you are you.
316
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:33,903
My friend.
317
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:35,969
Can I ask you one more question?
318
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:40,835
What and what accessories
do I sell for a living?
319
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:44,241
Tractors?
320
00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:53,219
-To be fair, you used to sell tractors.
-Yeah, but Ted didn't know that.
321
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,354
And even though Nine Rivers had...
322
00:19:55,461 --> 00:19:58,920
the most perfectly groomed Zoysia grass
I've ever seen...
323
00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:01,762
there was something it didn't have.
You guys.
324
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,671
And perfectly groomed kakuya grass...
325
00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:09,075
which grows more upright
and gives a cleaner cut.
326
00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:14,269
What the...
327
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:17,281
I knew I left my beer
in a hole somewhere.
328
00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:20,980
[Kahn screaming]
329
00:20:22,154 --> 00:20:24,145
Hank Hill! What you do?
330
00:20:24,256 --> 00:20:26,918
Have I not suffered enough in this life
as your neighbor?
331
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:29,586
Now that you quit,
they take away my membership.
332
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:32,560
Well, I'm sorry, Kahn,
but I could not stay there.
333
00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:34,326
I just didn't feel comfortable.
334
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:38,801
That's why I left Jeans West, that's why
I don't bowl on Tuesday nights, and...
335
00:20:39,705 --> 00:20:43,573
-Forget it. You wouldn't understand.
-Oh, yeah. You right.
336
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:46,210
I always feel comfortable everywhere I go.
337
00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:48,804
You know, my original name is Smith.
338
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:51,906
I just changed it to So up ha no us in phone
when I moved to Texas.
339
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:55,884
Just relax.
340
00:20:56,288 --> 00:20:59,588
Breathe in the tranquility.
Breathe out the frustration.
341
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,857
You're in a better place than Nine Rivers.
342
00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:08,300
There is no place better than Nine Rivers.
Oh, this is it?
343
00:21:08,734 --> 00:21:10,634
This is the rest of our lives?
344
00:21:11,070 --> 00:21:14,438
Maybe I divorce you and marry someone
who's already a member.
345
00:21:14,540 --> 00:21:15,974
Oh, Kahn.
346
00:21:17,910 --> 00:21:18,877
[Knocking on door]
347
00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:23,438
Fine. You can play through.
348
00:21:23,549 --> 00:21:26,246
No, Kahn. We just came over
to give you something.
349
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:28,947
Please! Not in the face.
350
00:21:34,326 --> 00:21:37,887
Dues are a six-pack every 18 holes.
What do you say?
351
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,461
I accept your offer.
352
00:21:43,369 --> 00:21:45,838
And as new member,
I move we kick Dauterive out.
353
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,438
Seriously. You're on the bubble.
354
00:22:28,247 --> 00:22:29,681
HANK: Pinch me, Mr. Ho.
355
00:22:29,731 --> 00:22:34,281
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