All language subtitles for King of the Hill s06e12 Are You There God.eng

Connie, can you hear me?
Joseph, can you hear me?

Joseph, can you hear Connie?
Connie, can you hear Joseph?

People, we have conference calling!

[SIGHING]

Bobby Hill, put down that phone!

The school could be calling me in
to sub any minute.

What if an algebra teacher
died in a car accident, huh?

It would be a tragedy
if they couldn't reach me.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Peggy Hill, Education Solutions.

I am on my way.

I'm your substitute teacher,
Mrs. Peggy Hill.

And you are in for a treat...

from my friend...

Benjamin Franklin!

It was a cloudy day.
And I decided that I would--

[DOOR OPENING]

- Morning, Mrs. Bonter.
- Morning, class.

Sorry to drag you out of the house, Peggy.
The cable guy came early.

Peggy? I'm Benjamin Franklin.

You'll still get paid.

I do not do this for the money, Erica,

although I wouldn't mind
getting reimbursed for the wig.

"A penny saved is a penny earned."
Try and follow that.

[THUNDER CRACKING]

[KEYS JINGLING]

BOBBY:
Come on, faster!

Bobby.

[TIRES SKIDDING]

How would you like to fly a kite
and learn the key to electricity?

No time!

Word is,
there's a truckload of dead chickens

floating down the river.

I hope we're not too late.

My keys!

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

[GRUNTING]

Damn!

BILL:
If you're locked out,

you can stay at my house
until Hank gets home.

We could rent a movie.

I'll just sit here
until the wind blows my keys back.

[THUNDER CRACKING]

All right, people.
Save the Imperiales first.

- HANK: This is when heroes are made.
- MAN: Let's go.

Hank, bad news.

I just figured out
who's been stealing office supplies.

It's Donna.

Found them in her bedroom.

Good detective work, sir.

Yeah, well,
I was getting tired of her anyway.

So, it looks like you gotta find us
a new Donna.

Make sure you find one
that isn't always asking,

"What are you thinking about?"

It was my first call
in three months.

Damn anti-bacterial soap.

Nobody's getting sick anymore.

I shouldn't have to sneeze
in the faculty-lounge coffee machine

just to get a chance to teach.

It is beneath me.

Hey, Peggy,

how would you like to come
to work with me at Strickland?

- Thank you, but no.
- Come on. It'd be fun.

You and me working side by side
at Strickland Propane.

This could be fate talking.

We don't fire Buck's
mistresses every day.

But I wouldn't be teaching,
I would be doing.

And I wasn't "Substitute Doer of the Year"
three years in a row.

I see where I'm going with this.

It is time for me to find
and accept a full-time teaching position.

Just come to Strickland, Peggy.

Come on. Come on.

Come on.

Hank, this obviously means a lot
to you. So...

I will make you a promise
I know I will not have to keep.

If I cannot find a full-time job,

I will come work with you
at Strickland.

Great.

I'll put in the paperwork
for a coffee mug with your name on it.

Worst-case scenario,
it'll be your Christmas present.

[CHILDREN CHATTERING]

Principal Moss, I have great news.

I am ready to teach full-time.
That's right.

From 9:00 to 3:00, five days a week,
35 weeks a year.

Would if I could, Peggy.

But we're in the middle
of a state-wide hiring freeze.

Well, surely they have
to make exceptions.

If you want, I'd be glad
to forward this r�sum� to the governor.

Sorry. Good luck, Peggy.

And this, class,
is a stegosaurus, which is--

Which is Latin for "covered lizard."

And just because his name
is "O'Saurus,"

that does not make him Irish.

[LAUGHING]

And my r�sum� for you.
I'm very good.

I also teach Spanish,
as well as Math, grades four and under.

PEGGY:
Nope. Taken.

PRINCIPAL: We have learned so much
from her here on earth.

I know she'll continue teaching
up in heaven. Amen.

ALL:
Amen.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Beautiful words, principal.
Very, very moving.

Have you filled her position yet?

- She retired 10 years ago.
- Oh.

Well, your obituary
was very misleading.

Okay then. I suppose we
should start with lesson one.

Lesson one.
This is the Vogner CharKing.

This is the CharKing Imperiale.

I almost forgot.

You are hereby requisitioned
three Strickland Propane pens.

These can never,
ever leave the office.

Sorry to be a spoilsport,
but Donna ruined it for everyone.

Hey, Peggy, Welcome aboard.

You told her about the pens, right?

Yes. I am aware of the pen situation.

Just so you don't hear it
from anyone else,

I'm sleeping with the new employee.

[LAUGHING]

Hank, we got a code green.

They're running low on propane
at the WhatABurger.

Actually, that's a code yellow, sir.

Yeah, whatever. It's your dumb system.
You figure it out.

Peggy, we are going out
on your first propane run.

Get your jacket and hat.
Heck, get your camera.

Look at us. Husband and wife
selling propane together.

It's like something out of the movies.

When you lift,
always remember to use your legs.

I know.

It might be a few minutes.

Tony the manager'll probably want
to talk about his new grease traps.

- Peggy Hill?
- Well, hello, Claire.

"Strickland Propane"?

Have you gotten out
of the teaching game?

[LAUGHING] Oh, no, Claire.
Quite the opposite.

I have decided to teach full-time.

In fact, I'm doing location
scouting for field trips.

Just a minute.

No, this parking lot is no good.
So, what are you doing here?

My cousin got me an interview
for a teaching job over at Saint Ignatius.

- Oh, really? Full-time?
- Maybe.

I see you are wearing your huaraches.

Is the teaching position for Espa�ol?

Es posible. Wish me luck.

It's Spanish.

Hank,

I thought maybe
I could show some initiative

and canvass the area
with Strickland flyers.

You remind me of a young me.

Just a little tip.

I like to put them in face down.

That way, when they get in
the driver's seat, bam! There it is.

[CHILDREN CHATTERING]

Peggy, what are you doing here?

I just wanted to see
how your interview went.

Well, it may have been
the best interview of my life,

right up until they said
they'd really rather hire a nun.

Just being celibate isn't enough.

[CHILDREN CHATTERING]

- Who's next?
- I am.

Sister Peggy Hill.

So, may I see your r�sum�?

Oh, well, my r�sum� is...

is written on the smiling faces
of the children of El Salvador,

where I did my most recent nunning.

You know what?

I have free international calling
on my cellular telephone.

Why don't I just give them
a jingle-jangle and get a reference?

Oh, yes. That would be great.

Except my order
just took a permanent vow of silence.

And if you ask me,
not a moment too soon, huh?

Yakety-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak.

Sister Peggy,

this school could really use a teacher
with your qualifications. But I'm afraid--

Mother Superior,
do you know what a calling is?

All of my life I've had a calling to teach.
This is my life's work.

But without a r�sum� or references--

I do come with a reference,
the best there is.

He doesn't have a telephone
or a fax,

but I believe he is
listed in the Book.

[DOG BARKING]

[GASPING]

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

[GROANING]

[GRUNTING]

[GROANING]

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

[GUN FIRING]

Up, down, left, right.

[DOOR OPENING]

Peggy, someone found these flyers
in a dumpster.

Now, I have a hard time imagining that

500 people took them off
their windshields,

collected them into a neat pile,
and threw them away.

- Call me cynical--
- Well, yes.

I may have advertently
thrown them away.

I am a terrible Strickland employee.

- I quit.
- Quit?

Well, I was just gonna let you off
with a warning

and monitor your performance.

Hank, I have great news.

I just got my dream job
teaching Spanish full-time

at Saint Ignatius Catholic School.

But you already have a dream job.

Junior grill associate
at Strickland Propane.

Hank, I am thrilled with me.
Why can't you be?

Okay, fine. Go teach.
Propane sells itself. Doesn't need you.

[BELL GONGING]

Buenos d�as. Me llamo Mrs...

Sister Peggy...

a nun.

Can anyone tell me what this is?

In Espa�ol.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

[ALL GASPING]

Oh, children. The only one
who should be afraid of the ruler

is Se�or Pinata.

[ALL GASPING]

[CHILDREN CHATTERING]

Okay, my turn.

Tongue-kiss a lizard

or take a shower in Bill's bathroom?

- Lizard.
- The lizard, man.

Why is the other choice always
"take a shower in Bill's bathroom?"

Adios. If I'm home late, it'll be because
my new students are so engrossed,

they will not let me leave.

Yep, I will be home late.

Well, I'm gonna be home on time,

like always, because Strickland
is a well-oiled machine.

Well, I guess
we're just different that way, Hank.

I need excitement to feel excited.

[CAR DOOR CLOSING]

Here's one.
Put a wasp up your nose

or take a shower in Bill's bathroom?

[SINGING IN SPANISH]

[BELL RINGING]

Sister Peggy,
will you come play kickball with us?

All right. But I am not playing catcher.
I have kneeled enough for one day.

So, how's your first week going?

Oh, Mother Superior,

thank you so much
for giving me this chance.

This is easily the most rewarding job
I have ever had.

More rewarding than teaching
crippled children to walk in El Salvador?

Tons more.

Well, I couldn't be
more pleased with your work.

As a matter of fact, I've assigned you

to cover
my Principles of Catholicism class

next period.

- Principles of Catholicism?
- It's only for a couple of weeks.

I can't get out of jury duty.
It's my own fault for registering to vote.

Well, thank you so much.
But religion's not really my subject.

[LAUGHING]
Oh, not your subject!

You're gonna replace
Sister Mary Catherine

as the cutup around here.

So...

Let's see, what was the last thing
you were studying

with the Mother Superior?

- Transubstantiation.
- Trans what now?

Transubstantiation.

Oh. Okay.

Tell you what.
Why don't we just rap about God?

Sister Peggy, I have a question.
Does God have a last name?

Well...

I would have to say no.

He only has one name, like Cher.

[STUDENTS MURMURING]

Sister Peggy, if cats can't pray,
do they still go to heaven?

Well, now, I'm not sure where I heard this,
but all dogs go to heaven,

so I am sure that cats do not.

[STUDENTS MURMURING]

Come on. Keep them coming.
Let's see who can stump the sister.

Bobby, sorry I did not have time
to make you lunch this morning,

but maybe you can trade
this can of beets for something, huh?

You know, Donna had plenty of time
to make her kids lunch,

and she was robbing us blind.

Hank, when are you
going to quit sulking?

I don't know, but when I do,
I'll give you two weeks' notice,

which is more than you gave me.

All right, you're disappointed. I get it.

You know how the smell of propane
gives you goose bumps?

For me, it is the smell of
children learning Spanish.

I wish you could open your nose
to my passion.

[SIGHING]

And you never believed
in my comedy career either!

Billy. There you go.

- There.
- Sister Peggy,

I dropped my practice wafer on the floor.

Five-second rule.

Excuse me, Sister.
I'm looking for... Peggy?

Holy crap!

What are you wearing?

It is called a habit, sir,
and you are drunk.

I'll be right back. Danny, lead the room
in a game of Bible hangman.

All right.
I am going to be straight with you.

I'm not really a nun.
I am only pretending to be a nun

so I can teach here.

You would rather live a lie
than sell an honest day's gas?

Hank, this is the best job
I have ever had.

I feel like I'm really making a difference
in my students' lives.

You're impersonating a nun!

With the gajillion things
that are right about this,

you zoom right in
on the one negative.

It's not like I'm dressing up as a rabbi
and circumcising people left and right.

And people do that, you know.

[SIGHING] At least when Whoopi Goldberg
posed as a nun,

she was running from gangsters!

[GASPING]

[CHOIR SINGING]

[SCREAMING]

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

Oh, please!
A real priest would never do that.

Oh, this is the worst show ever.

Is it another flashback episode?

I know anger is a sin,

but it really steams me
that kids could watch this show

and think it represents
the teachings of the Catholic Church.

Oh, so the monse�or
kills a few people here and there.

I say whatever gets people
talking about Catholicism

is a good thing.

Sister, our children's souls are at stake.

What if one of your students
watched an episode

and spit sacramental wine?

Or used a communion wafer
as a ninja throwing star?

Okay. Say those are sins.

It's nothing
a confession with Father McCleary

couldn't take care of.

I hear he can fix anything.

Oh, he is good.

Sister Peggy, if the children are confused
with a lot of nonsense,

they may lose their faith.
And you know how God punishes that.

Eternal damnation.

- Do you mean hell?
- Yep.

So if you don't mind,
the Ladies Doral Open is on.

[SIGHING]

Sorry I'm late.
So what can I fill your little minds with?

Sister Peggy,
I really like going to church.

Does that mean
I can give it up for Lent?

Well, I'm pretty sure
God wouldn't like it.

But what can he do?
You caught him in a technicality.

Good for you.

Now, who had that question
about birth control?

[STUDENTS SCREAMING]

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

[STUDENTS SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

I didn't know it was a sin!

You leave her alone!
It's not her fault!

Oh, thank God!

Sorry about that.
Just be a second.

That's a clean-burning hell,
I tell you what!

[LAUGHING]

No!

Monse�or, please! Please!

I didn't mean to damn their mortal souls
for all of eternity!

I just wanted a full-time job!

Oh! Oh, God!

Class,

I have bad news for anyone
who did well on the last test.

I... Mother Superior?

- What happened to jury duty?
- The trial's over.

You just can't get a jury to convict
in this country.

So, did you finish
the chapter on transubstantiation?

Well, yes.

But I think my take on the whole thing
might be a tad blasphemous.

Mother Superior,
I have a confession to make.

I am not a nun.

I am a Methodist.

[ALL GASPING]

Why would you do this?

Because I love to teach,
not because I hate your religion.

I want to be very clear about that.

I want you out of here now.

I hope that you can forgive me.

I think you have to.

[GRUNTING]

[SIGHING]

What are you doing here?

I made a promise.
And I am keeping it.

I couldn't find full-time teaching work,
so I'm here to begin my new life

as a junior grill associate.

- They caught you, didn't they?
- No. I told them the truth.

Working here is my penance.

I gave it to myself
while I was still pretending to be a nun.

So, working at Strickland
is like a punishment to you?

Oh, I'm sorry, Hank.
I didn't mean it that way. I--

No, I understand.
Teaching's what you love.

Any other job
is gonna feel like a punishment.

Peggy, you're fired.

You mean it?

When you finally do get
that full-time teaching job,

here's something
you can keep your pencils in.

Oh, Hank, you're the best.

Of course, you know
it can't leave Strickland property.

BOY:
Transubstantiation.

PEGGY:
Trans what now?

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