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1
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:37,294
All right, everybody! Who likes money?
2
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:38,530
I do, honey.
3
00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:43,268
Good, then I need you to go down
to the VFW and collect this much.
4
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:46,402
Those vets are three months behind
on their propane bill.
5
00:00:46,813 --> 00:00:48,041
[groaning]
6
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:51,976
The VFW? Those guys are war heroes.
7
00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:56,054
Sending a Joe Jack to hit them up
for money is, well, kind of an insult.
8
00:00:56,156 --> 00:00:59,353
At least send an Enrique or a Roger Sack.
9
00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:04,123
Hank, I am tired of talking about this.
You get me that money yourself!
10
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:08,030
The mother of my bastard
is all over me for more child support.
11
00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:11,661
Well, I understand.
I have a boy of my own.
12
00:01:14,707 --> 00:01:17,540
(Cotton) A-N-Z-l-O.
13
00:01:18,311 --> 00:01:21,337
-Anzio!
-You can't use that. I challenge.
14
00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:24,884
What? Challenge? The Battle of Anzio.
15
00:01:24,984 --> 00:01:27,646
Thirtieth day of January, 1944.
16
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,551
We caught the Krauts
with their pants down...
17
00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:31,521
and their schnitzel exposed.
18
00:01:31,624 --> 00:01:34,787
We'd taken the beach by noon,
the town by nightfall.
19
00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:39,354
I can still taste the Chianti
out of that sigiora 's navel.
20
00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:42,993
All right, it's a proper noun,
but, damn it, I'll allow it!
21
00:01:43,536 --> 00:01:45,436
God, she was a piece.
22
00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:48,536
Triple word score. Forty-two points.
23
00:01:48,641 --> 00:01:49,608
[clearing throat]
24
00:01:50,376 --> 00:01:51,400
Hey, Dad?
25
00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:54,110
To quote Mr. Strickland...
26
00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:57,240
I don't mean to be a propane in the butt...
27
00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:58,317
[tittering]
28
00:01:58,418 --> 00:01:59,385
but...
29
00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:03,983
you owe $416.29...
30
00:02:04,090 --> 00:02:05,648
on your propane bill.
31
00:02:05,758 --> 00:02:08,556
I think I can get the $5 late fee waived.
32
00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:13,325
I'm sorry, I must have dropped that money
somewhere in the Philippines...
33
00:02:13,433 --> 00:02:15,697
fighting for your freedom,
you damn draft-dodger!
34
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:16,894
You mean to tell me...
35
00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:19,733
that this bloodsucking ganef
never served his country?
36
00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:23,775
Four-F.
Got out on account of his narrow urethra!
37
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:24,935
[sighs]
38
00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:27,706
The only uniform he ever wore
was the Boy Scouts.
39
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,679
I made it to Eagle Scout.
40
00:02:29,782 --> 00:02:32,307
And, Dad, you know the war was over.
41
00:02:32,418 --> 00:02:33,851
Besides, I tried to enlist...
42
00:02:33,953 --> 00:02:38,788
but the Army felt I wouldn't be able
to relieve myself efficiently under duress...
43
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,450
especially in front of others.
44
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:41,788
[all guffawing]
45
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:45,422
-Look, I didn't come here to fight.
-Of course you didn't, you coward.
46
00:02:45,532 --> 00:02:48,023
We ain't got your money.
Take a look around.
47
00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:51,262
You see Fat Brooklyn, Cookie,
or Tommy-Gun Scanlan?
48
00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:54,667
-No.
-Dead!
49
00:02:54,774 --> 00:02:58,301
All dead. And dead men don't pay no dues.
50
00:02:58,444 --> 00:03:00,173
Now, get out of my sight!
51
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,010
Come back tomorrow.
We's having a fundraiser.
52
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:07,552
Let's do our shopping
before the Salvation Army invades.
53
00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:09,882
[giggling]
54
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,322
I should get a medal for wit.
55
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,689
And you know
what I would call that medal?
56
00:03:15,795 --> 00:03:17,387
I would call it the....
57
00:03:17,597 --> 00:03:19,326
[chuckling]
58
00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:20,860
I don't know.
59
00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:25,737
Hey, there's my dad.
60
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:29,440
Get your war-hero memorabilia here!
61
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,169
All items must go!
62
00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:34,246
Amuse your friends and thrill the ladies...
63
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:37,942
with an authentic Nazi skull.
Priced to move.
64
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,848
Dad, are you selling your medals?
65
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:42,945
Yes, I am, you four-eyed Four-F-er.
66
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:46,219
I should charge you $1.25
just for looking at them.
67
00:03:46,326 --> 00:03:48,920
But when I was kid,
you wouldn't even let me polish them.
68
00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:51,724
Well, it's sell the medals or lose the VFW.
69
00:03:51,831 --> 00:03:53,731
We can't pay the rent no more.
70
00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:58,702
Now, if you'll excuse me,
there's a twig boy eyeing Hitler's canoe.
71
00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:03,270
I'm prepared to offer $100 American
for the canoe...
72
00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:05,071
and don't try to haggle with me.
73
00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:06,200
I'm an attorney.
74
00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:08,507
Boy, this ain't any canoe.
75
00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:10,708
This is Hitler's canoe.
76
00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:12,307
-$500.
-Look.
77
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:14,409
I'm just buying it for a camping trip.
78
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:18,354
It's gonna cost me $40 just to paint over
the swastika on the other side.
79
00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:20,824
What? Paint over the swastika?
80
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:24,090
It's a war trophy.
You're painting over my victory.
81
00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:26,358
The deal is off!
82
00:04:26,466 --> 00:04:27,763
Well, too bad.
83
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:31,797
[exclaiming]
84
00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:34,303
Fine! Sold!
85
00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:36,534
Hank, do something useful
for once in your life...
86
00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:41,103
and help me carry Hitler's canoe
out to this patriot's car.
87
00:04:43,182 --> 00:04:47,278
Boy, this fits my hand
like a comfortable shoe.
88
00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:51,050
Careful. That's an antique falconer's glove.
Belonged to Hermann Goering.
89
00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:52,283
For you, $80.
90
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,353
Do you accept prepaid phone cards?
91
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:01,566
Aunt Peggy, I don't think this is right.
92
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:03,727
He's a very old man.
93
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:07,102
Luanne, this is for charity.
94
00:05:09,409 --> 00:05:10,398
Oh, yeah.
95
00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:16,574
-Yeah, it's the maroon Mitsubishi.
-Mitsubishi?
96
00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:19,207
They made the planes
that bombed Pearl Harbor!
97
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:23,278
-I ain't selling Hitler's canoe to no traitor.
-We had a verbal agreement.
98
00:05:23,556 --> 00:05:24,523
You're a witness.
99
00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:27,559
You don't deserve no Hitler's canoe.
100
00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:30,159
Dad, calm down.
101
00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:33,892
(Cotton) Don't tell me to calm down,
Boy Scout! I'm a war hero!
102
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:36,899
I killed 50 men!
103
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,164
Now, hop in your sushi boat and git!
104
00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:40,895
Whoa, whoa!
105
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:41,996
All right! All right!
106
00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:46,101
Listen up. If you're driving a Nazi car
or an ltalian scooter...
107
00:05:46,245 --> 00:05:48,475
get your Axis-loving ass out of here!
108
00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:51,344
[quavering]
109
00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:53,976
-Let's go.
-But I paid for another throw.
110
00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:56,813
[grunting]
111
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,461
-Where'd you get that bird?
-lnternet.
112
00:06:03,563 --> 00:06:04,860
What's the hood for?
113
00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:08,161
I think you take it off
when you want him to do a trick.
114
00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:10,827
-Make him do a trick.
-Okay.
115
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,305
-Falcon, do a loop-the-loop.
-Yeah!
116
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:16,602
-A barrel roll! Scratch that.
-Yeah.
117
00:06:17,076 --> 00:06:20,739
A reverse barrel roll...
118
00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:22,246
then back to the glove.
119
00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:24,475
Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
120
00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:25,744
[exclaims]
121
00:06:25,918 --> 00:06:27,408
[falcon screeching]
122
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:28,782
[screaming]
123
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,356
Ta-da!
124
00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:35,418
(Cotton) Seized by the sheriff.
125
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:42,065
We've been captured on our own soil.
126
00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:45,531
Incoming.
127
00:06:45,638 --> 00:06:48,630
I've got two platoons of propane
right here...
128
00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:50,834
and reinforcements are on the way.
129
00:06:50,943 --> 00:06:52,604
Hank, go away.
130
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,205
It's all over.
131
00:06:54,313 --> 00:06:57,248
No, no.
I worked out an easy payment plan.
132
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:59,614
I've got pre-stamped envelopes.
133
00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:01,880
You don't have to sell
any more of your stuff.
134
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:05,446
We ain't selling it. It's being repoed.
135
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,051
Oh, Dad, I'm sorry.
136
00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:10,652
Here's everything
we got from the rummage sale.
137
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,321
$41.
138
00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:16,164
Now, git. It's 4:00, time for Judge Judy,
139
00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:23,732
(Hank) Shouldn't that TV be plugged in?
140
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:28,872
Dad, you guys deserve better than this.
141
00:07:28,981 --> 00:07:31,643
You're damn straight, we do!
Bring us a heat lamp.
142
00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:33,446
And some sandwiches.
143
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:36,078
I'm so goddang hungry.
144
00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:40,982
[music playiig oi radio]
145
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,194
[singing]
146
00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:47,822
[humming]
147
00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:53,264
Hey, Peggy, guess what?
148
00:07:57,910 --> 00:08:02,074
Welcome to the new VFW Headquarters,
Hank's wife.
149
00:08:02,181 --> 00:08:03,170
[gasps]
150
00:08:03,282 --> 00:08:05,147
Sorry, we broke your crapper.
151
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,653
[yawning] It is 2:00 a.m.
152
00:08:13,759 --> 00:08:17,024
Now, I am as patriotic as the next person.
153
00:08:17,129 --> 00:08:19,393
But if I am not
at the top of my teaching game...
154
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,091
it is the children who suffer.
155
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,192
They promised they'd go home
as soon as the movie was over.
156
00:08:24,303 --> 00:08:26,965
I can't go in there
and just turn off the Duke.
157
00:08:29,642 --> 00:08:31,132
[guifire oi TV]
158
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:34,646
[men snoring]
159
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:09,140
They looked like
little angels sleeping there.
160
00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:11,245
The smell was unimaginable.
161
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:14,851
Well, I'll shuttle them home
in the morning.
162
00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:17,582
I bet I could do it in four trips.
163
00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:21,490
What they need is some new blood
to join their organization.
164
00:09:21,594 --> 00:09:23,926
Maybe they could merge with the Kiwanis.
165
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:26,189
Now, wait a minute. What about Vietnam?
166
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:29,462
Those guys always have
some kind of float in the parade...
167
00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:32,162
and I heard the landlord
is having a heck of a time...
168
00:09:32,271 --> 00:09:34,296
renting out the VFW building.
169
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:37,672
Maybe if the old vets
could get the Vietnam guys to join up...
170
00:09:37,777 --> 00:09:39,244
they could get their post back.
171
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:41,210
Well, I know a Vietnam vet.
172
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,976
Dr. Sarti, my gynecologist.
173
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:46,244
They needed those guys over there?
174
00:09:47,653 --> 00:09:50,451
Hank, I keep in touch
with some of the guys from my unit...
175
00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:54,219
but none of us really have time
to sit around rehashing war stories.
176
00:09:54,627 --> 00:09:57,596
I've got a family
and a very successful practice.
177
00:09:57,697 --> 00:10:01,064
-I understand.
-I treat a lot of prominent women.
178
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:04,227
-Okay, then--
-Deputy Mayors and such.
179
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,134
Yeah. Thank you very much for your time.
180
00:10:06,238 --> 00:10:08,638
Hey, you know, a patient of mine,
Karen Schwinn...
181
00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:11,767
chronic yeast infection.
Her husband runs a support group for vets.
182
00:10:11,877 --> 00:10:14,744
He used to like to talk about the Nam.
I'll call you with his number.
183
00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:17,475
-Thank you, Dr. Sarti.
-Wish I could be of more help.
184
00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:18,845
[sighs]
185
00:10:19,051 --> 00:10:21,246
Goodbye, Doctor. Sir.
186
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:30,094
Well, I've been doing a little research
and I found out you need to train falcons.
187
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,764
Oh, that's probably why it attacked me.
188
00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:37,092
He has completed my training course,
as have I his.
189
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:39,728
Turns out falcons are hunting birds.
190
00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:43,900
They catch mice, rats, moles, voles...
191
00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:45,307
and chipmunks.
192
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:46,903
What's a vole?
193
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:49,038
Don't know. Let's find out.
194
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:52,242
Falcon, bring us back a vole.
195
00:10:52,885 --> 00:10:53,852
No.
196
00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:55,317
[screaming]
197
00:10:57,623 --> 00:10:58,954
[falcon screeching]
198
00:10:59,058 --> 00:11:00,992
So, Bill's a vole.
199
00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:08,191
I ran into a guy from my unit,
Skullcrusher.
200
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,329
He manages a shoe store.
201
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:11,759
[sighing]
202
00:11:11,871 --> 00:11:15,534
-How come I can't get it together?
-It's not a race, man.
203
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:20,406
But as long as you keep taking your meds,
you are moving forward.
204
00:11:20,579 --> 00:11:21,705
[electronic beeping]
205
00:11:21,814 --> 00:11:25,580
It's cool, it's cool. We're just out of time.
See you next week.
206
00:11:26,385 --> 00:11:28,012
[men chattering]
207
00:11:31,724 --> 00:11:34,522
Hi, I'm Hank Hill.
I talked to you on the phone.
208
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:37,858
Right. Dr. Sarti's friend.
What's on your mind?
209
00:11:37,963 --> 00:11:41,922
Well, I wanted to talk to y'all
about joining the VFW.
210
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,126
[men exclaiming]
211
00:11:43,235 --> 00:11:44,964
We tried that already.
212
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:49,405
When me and TJ got home from the war,
we went over to the Arlen VFW.
213
00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:52,806
This short guy head-butted TJ
right in the nads.
214
00:11:55,147 --> 00:11:59,948
Yeah, that was probably my dad
and he feels bad about that.
215
00:12:00,252 --> 00:12:01,241
Yeah?
216
00:12:01,687 --> 00:12:02,654
Yeah, sure.
217
00:12:02,755 --> 00:12:06,748
You know, the World War ll vets
are looking to reach out to you guys...
218
00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:10,590
but they feel guilty
and, you know, that other stuff....
219
00:12:10,696 --> 00:12:13,164
Well, you should get together
and talk about it.
220
00:12:13,265 --> 00:12:16,894
Look, they want you to come
to a barbeque. Just hear them out.
221
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,394
We'll meet them. But no promises.
222
00:12:21,006 --> 00:12:22,268
One more thing.
223
00:12:22,374 --> 00:12:23,898
Do I need to bring a bathing suit?
224
00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:29,747
Vietnam boys? No gat dang way!
225
00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:34,752
The VFW stands for Veterans of Foreign
Wars not Reefer-Smoking Losers!
226
00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:38,290
But they fought and died for their country
just like you guys did.
227
00:12:38,390 --> 00:12:42,417
Zip it, boy! I'm trying to watch
my nudie channel. Now, get along.
228
00:12:45,197 --> 00:12:48,223
What?
Well, now, where's my nudie channel?
229
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,068
Hold it.
230
00:12:50,469 --> 00:12:53,370
I think this one's ready to take her top off.
231
00:12:54,039 --> 00:12:56,166
That's Diane Sawyer, Dad.
232
00:12:56,475 --> 00:12:59,000
She's not gonna take her top off, is she?
233
00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:02,476
You know, if the Vietnam vets
started paying dues...
234
00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:05,812
I bet you could afford a whole bunch
of nudie channels.
235
00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:07,249
[groaning]
236
00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:14,121
If any of these sissies
whines about Agent Orange...
237
00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:15,750
I'll split him butt to brow.
238
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:20,230
Look at those guys!
All over each other. Sickening.
239
00:13:20,332 --> 00:13:23,324
Now, that's probably
just part of the therapy.
240
00:13:23,435 --> 00:13:27,428
That's, well.... Okay, that is a little creepy.
241
00:13:28,841 --> 00:13:30,433
Hey, you found us.
242
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:32,670
No sweat. I did recon in Nam.
243
00:13:32,778 --> 00:13:34,746
And we saw the balloons
from the highway.
244
00:13:34,847 --> 00:13:38,078
Well, greetings, fellow veterans.
I'm the CO here.
245
00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:40,948
Colonel Cotton Hill, 77th Division,
US Army.
246
00:13:41,053 --> 00:13:44,750
As I was just telling my boy here,
we think you are all...
247
00:13:46,192 --> 00:13:50,720
worthy to join the VFW
and start paying dues immediately.
248
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:51,797
Whoa.
249
00:13:51,964 --> 00:13:55,627
Slow down, Colonel.
We're not sure we want to join.
250
00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:59,295
The Arlen VFW has ignored us
for 25 years.
251
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:02,238
Heck, the Vietcong invited us back
before you did...
252
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:04,775
and they gave us free mopeds
for the week.
253
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:07,208
Look, I'm sorry.
254
00:14:07,713 --> 00:14:09,977
I guess we weren't used to losing a war.
255
00:14:10,082 --> 00:14:13,779
Well, excuse us for not just dropping
a couple of atomic bombs.
256
00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:17,344
Hey, fellas.
I know something we can all agree on.
257
00:14:17,456 --> 00:14:20,448
Beer. What say we invade the cooler?
258
00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:22,785
(all) Yeah.
259
00:14:27,566 --> 00:14:31,229
(Ronnie) This one time my buddy, Lenny,
was showing me a picture of his wife.
260
00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:34,729
Wind comes up out of nowhere
and blows the picture away.
261
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:38,537
Lenny goes chasing after it.
Sniper got him in the right temple.
262
00:14:38,644 --> 00:14:41,807
My best friend got killed
just because he missed his wife.
263
00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:47,015
I spent four years away from my wife
in dogfights...
264
00:14:47,119 --> 00:14:49,349
with Zeroes over the Pacific.
265
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:55,049
Those four years in my F6 Hellcat
were the only peace and quiet I ever got!
266
00:14:55,527 --> 00:14:56,721
[all guffawing]
267
00:14:59,098 --> 00:15:02,067
-Anyone got a bottle opener?
-Yes, sir, Colonel, sir.
268
00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:04,702
(Cotton) Hey, a bayonet.
269
00:15:06,338 --> 00:15:07,805
Toss that over here.
270
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,367
Boy, this takes me back.
271
00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:14,037
Topsy, remember that kamikaze
you gutted back on lwo?
272
00:15:14,179 --> 00:15:15,510
What did he say?
273
00:15:15,881 --> 00:15:17,405
[both exclaiming]
274
00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:18,813
[both grunting]
275
00:15:20,319 --> 00:15:21,980
Stop it! Stop it!
276
00:15:22,721 --> 00:15:24,689
You're freaking Ronnie out, man.
277
00:15:24,957 --> 00:15:27,323
Maybe, you should ease up a little, Dad.
278
00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:29,360
[exclaiming]
279
00:15:29,895 --> 00:15:33,695
Colonel, these guys are trauma cases.
They've got delicate psyches.
280
00:15:33,799 --> 00:15:35,528
Stop it! Stop it!
281
00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:38,603
Oh, come on, boy! This bothers you?
282
00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:40,300
How about this?
283
00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:41,373
[grunting]
284
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:42,440
[gibbering]
285
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:47,141
Cut it out!
286
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:48,712
[screaming]
287
00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:53,808
Easy there, big boy.
288
00:15:54,586 --> 00:15:55,814
[groaning]
289
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,084
Come and get me, you cowards.
290
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:04,990
[grunting]
291
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:11,965
[panting]
292
00:16:12,237 --> 00:16:13,204
(Hank) Oh, no.
293
00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:19,006
Let's get that midget son of a bitch.
294
00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:20,441
[all yelling]
295
00:16:21,113 --> 00:16:24,879
Come on, people,
remember your breathing exercises.
296
00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:34,959
That big loony swung on me.
I was just defending myself.
297
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:38,496
But why did you push him?
I found those guys at a trauma ward.
298
00:16:38,697 --> 00:16:42,189
Well, maybe we can go back
when they've cooled down.
299
00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:44,735
I'll get them drunk
and we'll put things right.
300
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,806
Dad, listen to me.
They're gonna cut our heads off.
301
00:16:48,374 --> 00:16:49,807
[men whooping]
302
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:53,311
They're getting close.
Quick, Dad, hop up on my back.
303
00:16:53,412 --> 00:16:54,845
I ain't no papoose.
304
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:56,247
Well....
305
00:16:57,149 --> 00:16:59,947
Look, on account
of your combat experience...
306
00:17:00,052 --> 00:17:03,180
maybe you could see what's going on
better from up there.
307
00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:04,989
Not a terrible idea.
308
00:17:06,658 --> 00:17:08,523
This will be my command post.
309
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:09,953
Over there!
310
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:12,330
(Cotton) Move it!
311
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:14,728
This is real bad, man.
312
00:17:15,801 --> 00:17:18,634
You guys might have undone
30 years of therapy.
313
00:17:18,737 --> 00:17:19,829
Dirty hippie.
314
00:17:21,073 --> 00:17:24,201
You know, you could benefit
from a little group therapy.
315
00:17:24,309 --> 00:17:26,106
Clear up some of that anger.
316
00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:28,875
I haven't slept in 50 years.
317
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:30,814
I'm so tired.
318
00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:33,608
Come on, faster, mule! Faster!
319
00:17:34,253 --> 00:17:35,720
[panting]
320
00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:38,853
[Cotton grunting]
321
00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:42,786
Hell, it'd be faster
if I'd carried you on my shoulders.
322
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:52,132
Despite my expert navigation,
you still managed to get us lost.
323
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:53,295
Nice job.
324
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:57,603
Hold on, Dad. I know the highway
runs along the southern edge of the forest.
325
00:17:57,709 --> 00:18:00,507
If we keep heading south,
we can eventually find help.
326
00:18:00,612 --> 00:18:02,580
Well, how we gonna find south?
327
00:18:02,681 --> 00:18:05,149
You pack a compass
in your Boy Scout purse?
328
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:10,411
Moss. Moss always grows
on the north side of a tree.
329
00:18:12,491 --> 00:18:14,152
All right, Dad, saddle up.
330
00:18:15,894 --> 00:18:17,589
[men yelling]
331
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,195
Goddang, we're trapped like rats.
332
00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:26,965
No, we're not. There's a beaver hole.
See the tracks?
333
00:18:27,072 --> 00:18:29,939
Where there's a beaver hole,
there's got to be a beaver dam.
334
00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:33,307
Now, let's follow the current.
The dam's got to be downstream.
335
00:18:34,012 --> 00:18:35,138
There it is.
336
00:18:44,189 --> 00:18:45,622
[men yelling]
337
00:18:51,196 --> 00:18:54,825
(Cotton) No, this ain't a flashback.
You're losing again!
338
00:18:54,933 --> 00:18:55,900
[cheering]
339
00:18:56,635 --> 00:19:00,264
If you're wondering where the falcon is,
I let him go in the woods.
340
00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:01,970
Kept the glove, though.
341
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:04,508
Keeps my beer from cooling my hand...
342
00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:07,636
and keeps my hand
from warming my beer.
343
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:10,582
It looks pretty bad-ass.
344
00:19:10,682 --> 00:19:12,673
-Do you think I could wear--
-No.
345
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:15,553
Well, not to beat a dead horse, fellows...
346
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:18,020
but what is your favorite kind of sausage?
347
00:19:18,123 --> 00:19:20,785
Chicken and apple, breakfast patty...
348
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:23,418
Italian, spicy ltalian, sweet ltalian--
349
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:25,461
[screaming]
350
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:27,696
[falcon screeching]
351
00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:31,870
He found his way home.
352
00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:33,933
(Hank) We should head downhill.
353
00:19:34,039 --> 00:19:37,566
There's more tree cover
and we should be able to hit the highway.
354
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,610
You draft-dodging ninny!
355
00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:42,578
The first rule of combat
is to take the high ground.
356
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:46,549
Now uphill, boy. March! Schiell! Schiell!
357
00:19:49,054 --> 00:19:50,351
[Hank panting]
358
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:53,357
Oh, hell. I pooped the bed.
359
00:19:53,892 --> 00:19:55,723
[men chattering]
360
00:19:55,894 --> 00:19:56,952
Dad, you wait here.
361
00:19:57,062 --> 00:20:00,395
I'll try to find some footholds
that will support both of us.
362
00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:03,162
[gasping]
363
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,197
There's got to be a way out of here.
364
00:20:18,116 --> 00:20:19,083
Boy...
365
00:20:19,651 --> 00:20:20,982
we're surrounded.
366
00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:23,814
All right, get behind me.
I'll try to fight them off.
367
00:20:23,922 --> 00:20:25,184
I've got a pretty thick neck.
368
00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:28,123
Maybe while they're sawing through it,
you can slip down the hill.
369
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:31,856
I ain't leaving.
They're gonna have to gut me, too.
370
00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:36,527
I'm sorry, Dad. It was a bad idea
to try to get everyone together.
371
00:20:36,635 --> 00:20:37,624
-I guess, I just--
-No!
372
00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:41,035
Dang it, Hank, don't apologize!
You did everything right.
373
00:20:42,140 --> 00:20:43,300
I screwed up.
374
00:20:44,142 --> 00:20:47,077
Sometimes you can do everything right
and still lose.
375
00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:50,245
It ain't your fault.
You gave it everything you had.
376
00:20:50,349 --> 00:20:54,376
That's all I ever asked of my men.
Thanks for trying, soldier.
377
00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:57,952
[men sobbing]
378
00:20:58,056 --> 00:21:00,149
That's all we ever wanted to hear.
379
00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:01,924
You did your best.
380
00:21:02,394 --> 00:21:03,759
Thanks for trying.
381
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:08,661
Well, I gotta say I'm surprised
you fellas are as good as you is.
382
00:21:10,369 --> 00:21:14,533
Shoot, you captured Cotton Hill.
The whole Nazi army couldn't do that.
383
00:21:15,641 --> 00:21:18,906
As commanding officer
of the local VFW post...
384
00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:23,004
I would be honored
to have you fellas join our organization...
385
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:27,347
on the one condition,
that you stop all this goddang bawling.
386
00:21:27,452 --> 00:21:29,818
We'll do our best, Colonel.
387
00:21:35,494 --> 00:21:37,519
Oh, what are you smiling about?
388
00:21:37,629 --> 00:21:40,223
You think you're getting
your propane bill paid.
389
00:21:40,332 --> 00:21:41,663
Well, you ain't.
390
00:21:41,767 --> 00:21:45,328
You're in a long line, behind cable,
hooch, and scooch.
391
00:21:48,073 --> 00:21:50,541
-You ever get shot?
-I got a plate in my head.
392
00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:52,633
No kidding? I got no shins.
393
00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:33,617
[Bill screaming]
394
00:22:34,617 --> 00:22:44,617
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