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1
00:00:07,907 --> 00:00:09,204
[humming]
2
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:13,668
[screaming]
3
00:00:13,780 --> 00:00:15,873
I can't stand it anymore!
4
00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:20,142
I'm gonna grab that violin from Connie
and smash it against a fire hydrant.
5
00:00:20,253 --> 00:00:25,088
Bill, she started four-and-a-half beers ago.
She can't possibly go on much longer.
6
00:00:25,892 --> 00:00:29,760
Please, Lord, give her a cramp.
If it's thy will.
7
00:00:32,399 --> 00:00:33,366
[birds chirping]
8
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:34,600
[violin playing]
9
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:35,668
Oh.
10
00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:39,362
We're low on beer.
11
00:01:13,106 --> 00:01:14,095
[violin playing]
12
00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:15,765
What you doing, Hank?
13
00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:18,939
Going to the crossroads to sell your soul?
14
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:23,311
No. I just thought we might want
a musical change of pace in the alley.
15
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:25,816
I want to hear Puff, the Magic Dragoi,
16
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,853
Play that one. I like it. Play it.
17
00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:29,748
[singing]
18
00:01:33,626 --> 00:01:36,857
Bill, do you have any idea
what that song is about?
19
00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:38,926
It's about a dragon.
20
00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:41,360
We're grown men. Here, how about....
21
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:48,699
[singing]
22
00:01:59,752 --> 00:02:04,587
Party's over, Hank. It's the music police,
a.k.a. Little Miss Bummer.
23
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,588
Don't stop. I like it.
24
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,656
The only time I heard music like that
was at Disney World...
25
00:02:09,762 --> 00:02:12,230
when we passed
the Country Bear Jamboree.
26
00:02:12,365 --> 00:02:15,163
But my dad pushed me
into the Hall of Presidents.
27
00:02:15,268 --> 00:02:18,396
-Could you play it again?
-Well, sure.
28
00:02:35,522 --> 00:02:37,183
Well, all right then.
29
00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:39,315
Wow! This violin did that?
30
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:43,322
When you're playing bluegrass,
you call it a fiddle, Connie.
31
00:02:43,429 --> 00:02:44,396
[laughing]
32
00:02:44,864 --> 00:02:46,092
Violin.
33
00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:47,433
[van approaching]
34
00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:48,601
[gasping]
35
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:55,875
[scoffs]
36
00:02:58,044 --> 00:03:00,911
I gotta go. My dad has this joke.
37
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,913
How do you get
into the Van Cliburn Summer Orchestra?
38
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,143
Practice.
39
00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:08,152
Well, it used to be a joke.
Now he just screams it.
40
00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:11,984
Who's Van Cliburn?
41
00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:15,891
Texas' own Van Cliburn
is a classical pianist...
42
00:03:15,995 --> 00:03:18,896
with a bustling summer camp
in Fort Worth.
43
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:22,460
We share a birthday.
44
00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:27,332
Kahn's making her play classical, but the
girl's got a natural talent for bluegrass.
45
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,499
Everybody in the alley thought so.
46
00:03:29,609 --> 00:03:32,237
And you know Boomhauer is a music snob.
47
00:03:32,345 --> 00:03:35,280
Well, the strange thing is
people with that much talent...
48
00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:38,475
-rarely amount to anything.
-lnteresting fact.
49
00:03:38,818 --> 00:03:41,810
Connie and I always had a dream
of playing Carnegie Hall...
50
00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:43,855
to showcase our talents.
51
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:48,291
I'd open with a tight 40-minute set
of observational comedy and poo jokes.
52
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:51,921
And then she'd close
with a violin concerto for the bluehairs.
53
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:56,300
But I think fiddling could take Connie
even further than Carnegie Hall.
54
00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:58,563
That's if she grows up pretty enough.
55
00:03:58,671 --> 00:04:01,265
Those Dixie Chicks
have really raised the bar.
56
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:07,012
Okay! Very good. Much better.
57
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:09,307
Take a break from your Mozart.
58
00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:11,005
[sighing]
59
00:04:11,117 --> 00:04:13,779
-Thanks, Dad.
-Sure, yeah, yeah, no problem.
60
00:04:13,886 --> 00:04:17,049
And while you're relaxing,
you will read about Mozart!
61
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:20,349
Learn about the man. Get inside his head.
62
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,923
Any child prodigy can play....
63
00:04:24,163 --> 00:04:27,030
But you only one
who will know what it really mean.
64
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:28,556
[chuckling] Okay, yeah.
65
00:04:35,341 --> 00:04:36,308
[music playing]
66
00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:40,301
[sighing]
67
00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:42,711
I bought this level at a yard sale.
68
00:04:42,815 --> 00:04:45,113
I'm afraid the price
was too good to be true.
69
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:48,346
Test it on my stomach.
It's flat as a pancake.
70
00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:49,688
Eh?
71
00:04:50,189 --> 00:04:53,283
Hey, Mr. Hill.
My dad won't be back for an hour.
72
00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:57,159
He's getting his hair dyed.
I wasn't supposed to tell anybody that.
73
00:04:57,263 --> 00:04:59,424
You want to throw down with a hoedown?
74
00:04:59,532 --> 00:05:02,023
-I'll get my guitar.
-I'll get my washboard.
75
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,797
I'll go get my string bass,
which is really a keyboard.
76
00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:06,735
Hey, man. I'm gonna go get my banjo.
77
00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:08,830
Or maybe I'll go
get that little old accordion, man.
78
00:05:08,941 --> 00:05:09,908
What do you think, now?
79
00:05:10,743 --> 00:05:12,574
No, I'll go with the banjo, man.
80
00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:13,907
(Dale) Let's go.
81
00:05:14,013 --> 00:05:15,446
One, two, three.
82
00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:31,858
Hey, man. I'm gonna go now.
I'm gonna take a verse right now.
83
00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:33,527
[singing]
84
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:54,444
Bobby, put that down.
That's the jug I keep stuff in.
85
00:05:59,258 --> 00:06:01,158
Saw that thing, Connie.
86
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:04,719
Oh!
87
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:07,163
Sorry. I didn't mean to get into it.
88
00:06:07,266 --> 00:06:10,394
No, no. It's my fault, Connie.
I told you to saw.
89
00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:14,603
So, you're just going to re-string it, huh?
90
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:16,265
I told her to throw it out.
91
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:19,072
Well, this little girl doesn't look
like she could hold a fiddle...
92
00:06:19,178 --> 00:06:20,941
Iet alone break a string.
93
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:23,311
Hey, how about a little Twiikle, Twiikle?
94
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:26,376
[playing Twiikle, Twiikle Little Star]
95
00:06:32,825 --> 00:06:35,316
Oh, gee! She's good!
96
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:37,293
You ever think
about taking her to Branson?
97
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,228
You think she's Branson-good?
98
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:41,926
Well, hell, yeah.
They got these fiddle contests there.
99
00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:46,037
I used to judge them
till they found out I was taking bribes.
100
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:49,131
Boy, the best players in the world
go to Branson.
101
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,005
You thinking what I'm thinking?
102
00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:54,204
Could I wear a sundress
and play in my bare feet?
103
00:06:54,313 --> 00:06:56,838
Heck, I might kick off my shoes
and join you.
104
00:06:56,949 --> 00:07:01,147
And we could be your backup band.
The Dale Gribble Bluegrass Experience.
105
00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:02,343
Hmm.
106
00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:05,151
-I like it.
-Oh, no!
107
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:09,194
I'm gonna be in Fort Worthless
that weekend auditioning for Van Boring.
108
00:07:09,662 --> 00:07:12,495
Well, that's a kick in the teeth. Bobby!
109
00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:14,157
Okay.
110
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,428
[singing]
111
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,471
Stop! Kahn Jr.!
112
00:07:22,575 --> 00:07:24,304
What is that noise you're making?
113
00:07:24,410 --> 00:07:27,004
It sounds like you're killing a seagull
with a bagpipe.
114
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:30,446
It's bluegrass, Kahn.
Music made in America.
115
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:33,747
And whether you like it or not,
your daughter's a natural.
116
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:37,183
And I'm having more fun
than a dog up a bone tree.
117
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,781
That's how you say ""it's fun"" in bluegrass.
118
00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:40,881
[screaming]
119
00:07:40,993 --> 00:07:44,827
That inbred music is designed
so only people with six fingers can play it!
120
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:49,027
Your path is Van Cliburn Camp
to Harvard to New York Philharmonic.
121
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:52,593
Not hay wagon to Hee Haw!Time to pack!
122
00:07:58,211 --> 00:07:59,644
We love you, honey.
123
00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:02,976
Phone as soon as you get to host family
in Fort Worth.
124
00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:05,312
Remember to give him the pineapple.
125
00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:11,679
(Kahn) Practice on bus!
126
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:28,140
Aw!
127
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:31,208
Mr. Hill?
My dad said I could go to Branson.
128
00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:32,937
How fast do you think you can get...
129
00:08:33,045 --> 00:08:35,707
The Dale Gribble Bluegrass Experience
back together?
130
00:08:35,948 --> 00:08:38,007
Probably after they finish their beers.
131
00:08:38,117 --> 00:08:41,712
Hey, guys, don't open a new one!
We're going to Branson!
132
00:08:41,821 --> 00:08:44,221
-We're going to Branson!
-Yeah, we're really going to go now!
133
00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:53,891
Come on, Dale.
You don't need two suitcases.
134
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,365
They're my jumpsuits.
135
00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:57,459
That's what the people come to see.
136
00:08:58,237 --> 00:08:59,397
[birds chirping]
137
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:05,210
Bobby, I can't baby-sit you and Bill.
And he's in the band.
138
00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:07,340
Bill, spit that out.
139
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:14,575
I'm coming with you.
Yakov Smirnoff is in Branson...
140
00:09:14,687 --> 00:09:18,054
and he's a stepping stone
to my comedy-writing future.
141
00:09:18,190 --> 00:09:20,090
[sighing] All right.
142
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,688
But you better sleep the whole way.
143
00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:28,166
[honking horn]
144
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:31,229
-We'll be careful.
-What do I care?
145
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:53,919
-Hi, Dad. Fort Worth is great.
-What's the competitioi like?
146
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:56,051
-ls Tim Woo there?
-Yeah...
147
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:59,689
but he hurt his hand
stealing a Coke from the Coke machine.
148
00:09:59,865 --> 00:10:00,832
[Kahi laughiig]
149
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,364
Hey, Connie, is my tongue blue?
150
00:10:04,303 --> 00:10:06,635
-Who's that?
-It's Tim Woo.
151
00:10:06,739 --> 00:10:08,331
His tongue is blue.
152
00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:11,408
-Dad, I got to go practice some more.
-Yes, Go practice,
153
00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:14,638
-Okay, Dad. I love you.
-Stop talkiig, Go practice,
154
00:10:21,587 --> 00:10:25,523
The key to writing
a good Yakov Smirnoff joke...
155
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,856
is picturing yourself arriving in America...
156
00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:32,590
and noticing
that it is different from Russia.
157
00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:37,465
Yeah. And when Yakov says
""l reckon"" and ""y'all"" in his accent...
158
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:40,368
I just lose it. It's brilliant, really.
159
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:43,636
The only thing ""brilliant, really,""
about Yakov Smirnoff...
160
00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:45,938
is that he's a KGB spy.
161
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:49,013
He's been sending US secrets
back to mother Russia...
162
00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:52,744
while tourists are seduced
by his fake comedy act.
163
00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:54,852
Although his beard is real.
164
00:10:55,087 --> 00:10:56,054
[laughing]
165
00:10:56,222 --> 00:11:00,090
Oh, this joke will kill. You wanna hear it?
166
00:11:00,192 --> 00:11:03,889
No, not really. The band needs to practice
till we're perfect.
167
00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:07,329
I don't want to tarnish our reputation
before we have one.
168
00:11:07,433 --> 00:11:09,560
Okay, but first I want to hear the joke.
169
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:10,795
Here goes.
170
00:11:10,903 --> 00:11:15,363
[fake Russian accent] In America, you put
""ln God We Trust"" on your money.
171
00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:19,041
In Russia, we have no money!
172
00:11:20,946 --> 00:11:21,913
[laughing]
173
00:11:22,948 --> 00:11:23,915
Oh!
174
00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:25,806
Come on, focus.
175
00:11:26,752 --> 00:11:29,516
Does anybody remember
why we're going to Branson?
176
00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:32,089
-Fiddle contest!
-And to have fun!
177
00:11:32,224 --> 00:11:35,057
I mean, even in math camp
we played chess.
178
00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:39,354
Yes, yes, we're going to have fun.
But you know what's not fun?
179
00:11:39,498 --> 00:11:41,398
Being ill-prepared.
180
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:46,395
Okay. One, two, three, four.
181
00:11:55,948 --> 00:11:58,917
All right, everybody.
Cough up $2 and we'll be officially entered.
182
00:11:59,018 --> 00:12:00,485
No turning back now.
183
00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:01,883
Hey, it's 4:50.
184
00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:05,479
You think it's too late
to get seats for the 5:00 Yakov?
185
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:06,885
[all cheering]
186
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:10,823
Well, maybe you can get Yakov
to write you an autograph.
187
00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:13,228
""Dear Dale, hope the show was worth...
188
00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:16,460
""throwing away
that young girl's musical career.
189
00:12:17,002 --> 00:12:19,129
""Yours truly, Yakov.""
190
00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:21,729
Can do, will do. Come on, Connie.
191
00:12:22,274 --> 00:12:25,903
Okay, Connie, just tell them
you're not interested so they'll drop it.
192
00:12:26,011 --> 00:12:28,411
-Well....
-See? She's not interested.
193
00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:32,784
Where do we put the gift?
194
00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:35,479
Mess up her bed
and hide it underneath her pillow.
195
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,920
And when she come home from audition,
we'll scream at her...
196
00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:40,116
""Kahn Jr.! Clean up your filthy room! ""
197
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:44,356
And when she cleans it up,
that's when she finds the Limoges violin.
198
00:12:46,999 --> 00:12:49,433
""Bill Monroe""?
""The Foggy Mountain Boys""?
199
00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:53,938
-Minh, have you seen this pornography?
-Don't worry. She's in Fort Worth.
200
00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:57,371
-We throw it out before she gets back.
-Wait a minute.
201
00:12:57,476 --> 00:13:00,570
Tim Woo hates Coca-Cola!
202
00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:05,145
[screaming]
203
00:13:05,651 --> 00:13:07,278
Connie's in Branson!
204
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:11,621
I've been learning English for 20 years.
205
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:15,160
Now, I move to the Ozarks,
I have to start all over again.
206
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:17,388
Mel Tillis is teaching me English.
207
00:13:17,496 --> 00:13:19,930
It's taking a lot longer than I expected.
208
00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:29,230
Yakov Smirnoff is not my real name.
It used to be Jack Daniels.
209
00:13:29,675 --> 00:13:30,937
[laughing]
210
00:13:32,044 --> 00:13:36,606
Mr. Smirnoff, I would one day
like to be a comedian like yourself.
211
00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:41,444
I've written an ""in America and in Russia""
joke for you...
212
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:43,886
that I think is very funny.
213
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:47,152
Hey, kid, I don't tell Russian jokes
for last 10 years.
214
00:13:47,259 --> 00:13:50,751
Now, I do jokes
about relationships and things I observe.
215
00:13:53,599 --> 00:13:54,793
[laughing]
216
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:58,202
I'll give you $20 American.
Keep them coming.
217
00:13:59,638 --> 00:14:00,605
[exclaims]
218
00:14:00,739 --> 00:14:01,706
[screaming]
219
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:03,833
Why did you do that?
220
00:14:03,943 --> 00:14:07,106
Save the sweet-guy act
for the tourists, Nikolai.
221
00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:09,380
The ClA will be here momentarily.
222
00:14:09,481 --> 00:14:12,143
I called them during
the Statue of Liberty dance number.
223
00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:13,479
Are you okay?
224
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:17,249
-My left eye really burns.
-He's faking it, Bobby.
225
00:14:17,656 --> 00:14:20,853
It's all part of his act,
which, by the way, is very funny.
226
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,086
(man) There he is.
227
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,219
(womai) Security, we have a situatioi
ii the lobby,
228
00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:28,927
[people chattering]
229
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,628
(Bill) Yakov was so funny.
230
00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:35,366
He should be the center square.
I'm so sick of Whoopi.
231
00:14:35,474 --> 00:14:39,069
Oh, and we got to meet him
after the show. Great guy.
232
00:14:39,411 --> 00:14:41,038
Where have you guys been?
233
00:14:41,146 --> 00:14:44,547
I've had to deal
with the Bluegrass Brothers all by myself.
234
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:48,552
They've been staring at me, twiddling
their beards and trying to psych me out.
235
00:14:48,654 --> 00:14:53,353
Dad, I sold my joke to Yakov!
I'm a professional comedy writer!
236
00:14:53,492 --> 00:14:56,655
Look, I told you to stay out of my wallet.
237
00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:01,224
-The Dale Gribble Bluegrass Experience?
-Yo, man.
238
00:15:01,333 --> 00:15:03,198
Y'on after the Harris Twins.
239
00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:07,329
One holds the fiddle while the other
holds the bow. They're good.
240
00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:10,340
Oh, God. Well, this is it, Connie.
241
00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:14,205
Your dream to become
a professional bluegrass musician.
242
00:15:14,346 --> 00:15:16,678
-Don't blow it.
-My dream?
243
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:18,942
-Mr. Hill--
-Come on, Connie, focus.
244
00:15:19,051 --> 00:15:22,851
-Rosin up your bow and focus.
-No! No more rosin.
245
00:15:23,055 --> 00:15:26,115
No more of your
""see the fiddle, be the fiddle"" rhetoric.
246
00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:29,956
I don't want to be
a professional bluegrass musician. I quit.
247
00:15:30,362 --> 00:15:34,162
And I quit, too,
even though I'm not in the band!
248
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:36,424
What? Where are you going?
249
00:15:36,535 --> 00:15:39,003
The twins are finishing. Connie!
250
00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:42,303
Well, I saw that coming.
251
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,206
Yet I did nothing to stop it.
252
00:15:45,844 --> 00:15:47,641
Why do I fear success?
253
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:53,273
[sighing]
254
00:15:53,385 --> 00:15:56,183
Maybe Connie ran off
'cause of stage fright.
255
00:15:56,288 --> 00:16:00,725
Okay. I'm not afraid to say it.
We're a novelty band without Connie.
256
00:16:00,926 --> 00:16:05,386
It's gonna be fine. You guys just
stall the audience until I get her back.
257
00:16:05,497 --> 00:16:07,692
Boomhauer, you're good at stage patter.
258
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,961
Yeah. Maybe I'll give a little bit
of the old, ""Hey, man...
259
00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:12,503
""how're you doing in Branson, man?
Let me hear you say, 'yeah!'""
260
00:16:12,604 --> 00:16:14,071
Good. Perfect. Do that.
261
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:16,207
(man) All right, guys.
262
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:22,881
[exclaims]
263
00:16:23,115 --> 00:16:25,948
You kidnapped my daughter
and took her across state lines...
264
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:28,144
to play hillbilly music against her will.
265
00:16:28,253 --> 00:16:32,053
I've been looking for a reason
to put you in jail and now I have it!
266
00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:34,955
What are you talking about?
You gave her permission to come with us.
267
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:37,961
Never! I make sure she practice Mozart...
268
00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:40,588
get into Van Cliburn,
then lvy League orchestra.
269
00:16:40,699 --> 00:16:42,690
From there, she play Paris, Rome...
270
00:16:42,801 --> 00:16:45,531
then I take her back
to my hometown of Louangphrabang...
271
00:16:45,637 --> 00:16:47,537
and stick it up their nose!
272
00:16:47,639 --> 00:16:49,664
-That's why she ran away from you.
-Oh?
273
00:16:49,808 --> 00:16:52,902
She'd rather play bluegrass
and win this contest...
274
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,810
and then get a record deal and open up...
275
00:16:56,048 --> 00:16:58,744
the Connie Souphanousinphone Theater
and....
276
00:16:58,851 --> 00:16:59,840
[sighing]
277
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,214
I'm a jackass.
278
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:04,414
Stop stating the obvious!
Where is my daughter?
279
00:17:05,424 --> 00:17:06,618
I don't know.
280
00:17:07,292 --> 00:17:09,783
I'm sure she's fine. She's with Bobby.
281
00:17:09,895 --> 00:17:11,954
Great! That narrows it down.
282
00:17:12,097 --> 00:17:15,294
Now all we have to do
is check every free buffet in town.
283
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:20,936
How about this one?
I've been working out with weights.
284
00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:25,872
Every time someone says,
""Let's work out,"" I say, ""Wait.""
285
00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:28,975
That's funny, Bobby. Oh, I'm sorry.
286
00:17:29,148 --> 00:17:32,743
It's just I'm sick of our dads
putting pressure on me.
287
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,482
At least they're paying attention.
288
00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:38,215
It feels like I'm always playing
to an empty house.
289
00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:39,984
You know what I'd love to do?
290
00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:43,858
Run away to the Appalachian Mountains
and play bluegrass all day long...
291
00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:46,692
with people who know
that music is about having fun.
292
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:49,825
People who sing and smile
even though they're poor...
293
00:17:49,935 --> 00:17:52,130
and their faces are smudged with coal.
294
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:55,502
And I can wear overalls
with no shirt and tell jokes...
295
00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:58,633
about the high cost of mules! Let's do it!
296
00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:03,443
The Dale Gribble Bluegrass Experience?
You're up.
297
00:18:03,549 --> 00:18:07,041
They're not here, they're locked in a vault.
298
00:18:07,553 --> 00:18:09,248
-What?
-Hold on!
299
00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:12,715
Screw Connie.
I got us an even better fiddle player.
300
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:16,522
May I present to you Mr. Charlie Daniels?
301
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:21,922
Where's this young fiddle player
whose final wish was to meet me?
302
00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:26,027
Well, actually, you're too late,
but her other final wish was that...
303
00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:30,199
you would play with us her favorite song
on that stage now.
304
00:18:30,309 --> 00:18:33,039
So, what do I tell her parents?
305
00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:36,344
Tell them I'll play
till my fiddle catches fire.
306
00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:38,216
[whooping]
307
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:39,810
[audience applauding]
308
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:44,278
(womai) The bus for Hollister
will be departiig ii 20 miiutes,
309
00:18:44,389 --> 00:18:48,189
Oh! We can't afford bus tickets.
We only have enough money for a T-shirt...
310
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:51,160
or a row of seats
at the Andy Williams show.
311
00:18:51,396 --> 00:18:54,456
Well, I could go for either,
but it's up to you.
312
00:18:56,435 --> 00:18:57,402
[exclaims]
313
00:18:58,337 --> 00:19:02,068
Bobby, we are gonna
be in Appalachia by sundown.
314
00:19:04,676 --> 00:19:08,009
Why do we do it, Kahn?
Why do we push Connie so hard?
315
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:12,310
I do it because she has a lot of talent
and I want what's best for her.
316
00:19:12,417 --> 00:19:13,714
You do it....
317
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:17,050
Well, frankly, I'm flummoxed.
Back off. Push Bobby.
318
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,145
[snorts]
319
00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:20,725
He doesn't like sports.
He doesn't play an instrument.
320
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:22,885
-There's nothing to push him into.
-Yeah.
321
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:27,091
-He gonna be a loser, all right.
-Now, hold on. Bobby's not a loser.
322
00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:29,461
Say that again
and I'll pop you in the chops.
323
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:31,229
Okay, okay.
324
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:34,533
One hillbilly starts swinging,
soon the whole town join in.
325
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,803
For your information,
a lot of people think Bobby's funny.
326
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:41,373
The kid's only 13 years old
and he's already sold a joke...
327
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,846
to this Yakov Smirnoff.
328
00:19:44,049 --> 00:19:45,482
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.
329
00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:50,077
""ln America, they put 'ln God We Trust'
on the money.
330
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,214
""ln Russia, they have no money.""
331
00:19:53,425 --> 00:19:55,359
[laughing] That's funny. I hate Russia.
332
00:19:55,594 --> 00:19:57,858
Yeah. Yeah, that is a good joke.
333
00:19:58,497 --> 00:20:00,055
It's Branson-good.
334
00:20:02,434 --> 00:20:03,526
[singing]
335
00:20:06,972 --> 00:20:10,999
Oh, damn you, Hank Hill!
I can't get that song out of my head.
336
00:20:11,643 --> 00:20:13,167
Here it goes again.
337
00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:15,574
[singing]
338
00:20:17,482 --> 00:20:18,449
[violin playing]
339
00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:27,659
[Kahn yells]
340
00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:30,223
She's playing on the streets
for lousy tourists!
341
00:20:30,329 --> 00:20:32,058
She should be playing
at Royal Albert Hall...
342
00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:34,530
for Prince Charles
and Camilla Parker-Bowles.
343
00:20:34,633 --> 00:20:35,964
Oh, come on, Kahn.
344
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:39,834
I bet you never knew
she could smile and play at the same time.
345
00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:50,175
[singing]
346
00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:04,094
Maybe one day,
you can be our opening act.
347
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,125
[siigiig]
348
00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:23,915
[laughs]
349
00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:29,351
[all cheering]
350
00:21:30,522 --> 00:21:33,582
Connie Souphanousinphone, everyone!
351
00:21:33,859 --> 00:21:35,850
She's only 13!
352
00:21:38,096 --> 00:21:39,393
That's him.
353
00:21:43,035 --> 00:21:44,002
[Dale screaming]
354
00:21:44,202 --> 00:21:46,067
Use force if you need to.
355
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:51,237
Help, Charlie! Help, somebody!
356
00:22:29,381 --> 00:22:30,609
(Haik) I like it,
357
00:22:31,609 --> 00:22:41,609
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