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1
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,100
Enjoy that new Char King, Earl.
2
00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:39,137
I gotta say,
I really appreciate your business.
3
00:00:39,672 --> 00:00:41,833
Forget him, Hank. He's chump change.
4
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:46,644
I got a lead on a new client so big...
5
00:00:46,746 --> 00:00:49,340
it'll put all my bastard sons
through college.
6
00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:53,850
-The Renaissance Faire's in town.
-""Hear ye! Hear ye! ""
7
00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:55,482
With all due respect, sir...
8
00:00:55,588 --> 00:00:58,785
do we really want propane mixed up
in this sort of thing?
9
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,258
Last year I would have said, ""Hell, no! ""
10
00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:03,053
But it's a new normal, Hank.
11
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:04,790
You want a Christmas bonus this year...
12
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,765
you sell them leotards
every gallon you can!
13
00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:15,368
Who goes there?
14
00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:18,638
Hank Hill, Assistant Manager,
Strickland Propane.
15
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:21,771
I'm here to talk to a Philip Motzinger.
16
00:01:21,881 --> 00:01:23,906
You mean King Philip.
17
00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:25,345
But begging your pardon...
18
00:01:25,452 --> 00:01:28,979
you cannot pass in that horseless carriage
and manner of dress...
19
00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:33,319
for they do not exist in our year, 1590.
20
00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:37,162
Why don't you cut the goofy talk
and just open the gate?
21
00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:40,499
Look, the Alamo Beer guy
was cool about it.
22
00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:56,140
There was a lover aid his lass
23
00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:59,548
with a hey aid a ho aid a hey ioiiy-io
24
00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:02,314
-Prithee, join me.
-Just drive the cart.
25
00:02:04,257 --> 00:02:08,318
King Philip, my liege, I bring a merchant
who wishes to display his wares.
26
00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:10,762
Hank Hill, Strickland Propane.
27
00:02:11,764 --> 00:02:14,289
So you are keeper of the flame.
28
00:02:15,535 --> 00:02:17,435
Assistant keeper of the flame.
29
00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:21,630
Our kingdom is accepting bids
from members of your guild.
30
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:25,904
We require 1,000 stone a week
of your magic gas.
31
00:02:26,045 --> 00:02:29,139
A stone is, in your native tongue, a gallon.
32
00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:33,549
1,000 gallons a week?
What are you fellows doing with it?
33
00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:49,458
That is the most beautiful thing
I have ever seen...
34
00:02:50,236 --> 00:02:51,601
I tell ye what.
35
00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:59,002
Honest to God, he did it just like this.
It was crazy.
36
00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:03,242
Men in the Renaissance period often shook
wrist to wrist to check for daggers...
37
00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:05,840
and because they did not use toilet paper.
38
00:03:06,152 --> 00:03:09,644
We gotta go!
I haven't had a caramel apple in weeks!
39
00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:12,153
I've never seen anything like it.
40
00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:15,591
Everyone was dressed up
and playing make-believe.
41
00:03:15,828 --> 00:03:17,728
That part was asinine. But, boy!
42
00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:22,665
They got a dragon that burns
1,000 gallons of propane a week.
43
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:25,696
Yep, you heard me. A week.
44
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,733
If I can close this deal, I can get us
that second sink in the bathroom.
45
00:03:30,176 --> 00:03:32,303
No more bumping heads when we brush.
46
00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:36,912
That would be paradise. But.... But wait.
47
00:03:37,483 --> 00:03:41,010
We agreed I am saving up for the sink
with my notary fees.
48
00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:44,953
-Well, that should cover the sales tax.
-But I'm--
49
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:48,323
Just don't leave your hair in it.
That's the only payment I need.
50
00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:55,296
Okay, Luanne, since you're older...
51
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:58,131
I'm putting you in charge
of the spending money.
52
00:03:58,438 --> 00:04:00,906
Spend it any way you want
with three rules.
53
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:04,202
No tights, tassels, or skirts on the boy.
54
00:04:05,278 --> 00:04:07,508
Oh, and no bells. Have fun.
55
00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:14,917
It says right here, ""one dollar discount
with period costume.""
56
00:04:15,021 --> 00:04:17,922
Well, I'm from the future,
and the future is a period.
57
00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:22,051
Ergo, this is a period costume! Period!
58
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,663
Good morrow, all.
59
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,598
Hey, there, sire.
60
00:04:28,901 --> 00:04:33,361
I'd like you to meet my lady, Lady Peggy.
61
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:37,033
Delighted.
62
00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:39,641
Well, nice to meet you, Phil.
63
00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:43,842
Now, I'm not a Renaissance expert,
but I did substitute-teach Chapter 6 in...
64
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,508
The World oi Parade,,,
65
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:49,850
and let me tell you, you have kept
your historical inaccuracies to a minimum.
66
00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:53,359
What inaccuracies dost thy mean?
67
00:04:54,994 --> 00:04:57,758
I think you meant ""dost thou mean.""
68
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,531
And your British accent
is really, really close.
69
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:07,872
Well, now that you've met my wife,
maybe I should meet your propane needs.
70
00:05:08,207 --> 00:05:11,540
We should not discuss matters of trade
in the presence of the fairer sex.
71
00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:14,613
-Let's away!
-Oh, yeah, sure.
72
00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:18,073
Peggy, I'm gonna ""away""
with King Motzinger.
73
00:05:18,184 --> 00:05:20,550
Why don't you away...away.
74
00:05:24,290 --> 00:05:26,190
And the ""E"" stands for ""Economical.""
75
00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:30,058
Some people think the ""E"" stands for
""Even-Burning,"" but it doesn't.
76
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:33,861
-So do we have your business?
-Hey, dude, it's the king.
77
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:39,100
We wage war on France on the morrow!
78
00:05:39,372 --> 00:05:40,634
That is so gay.
79
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:46,374
Prince Thatherton of Thatherton Fuels...
80
00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:50,848
was here last eve pledging on his honor
to undersell you by 10%%.
81
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:55,579
The difference between
Strickland Propane and Thatherton Fuels...
82
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:59,222
besides Thatherton's lack of focus,
is service.
83
00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:02,492
I do demand proper service.
84
00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:05,222
Then Strickland Propane
is the place for you.
85
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:09,058
This is mead! I said grog!
86
00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:11,159
-I'm sorry. I--
-Away!
87
00:06:12,138 --> 00:06:14,732
A good wench is so hard to find.
88
00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:18,277
You're fortunate. Yours seems sturdy.
89
00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:21,006
If I had her in my employ...
90
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:24,709
it would solidify the bond
between our two kingdoms.
91
00:06:25,818 --> 00:06:29,584
Peggy is not an actual employee
of Strickland Propane.
92
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:33,950
But, at Strickland Propane, our motto is...
93
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:37,387
""lf you have a problem, tell us what it is...
94
00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:41,598
""and we will try to take care of it
as soon as we can.""
95
00:06:42,769 --> 00:06:44,703
Oh, wait, wait. Have you already started?
96
00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:48,433
Because I'm thinking of going back
to ""Number One Mom.""
97
00:06:50,042 --> 00:06:53,603
Hey, Peggy. Guess who wants you
to work in his kingdom?
98
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:56,513
The king. How about that, huh?
99
00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:59,282
Now you actually could
help me get that sink.
100
00:06:59,385 --> 00:07:01,148
Oh, I could. But will l?
101
00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:03,949
Sure! We'll be a great team.
102
00:07:04,056 --> 00:07:06,456
Side by side, like our double sinks.
103
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:12,095
-King Philip, sir?
-How now, gas man?
104
00:07:13,232 --> 00:07:14,699
Pretty good, thanks.
105
00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:18,365
My wife Peggy is ready
to serve the kingdom.
106
00:07:18,671 --> 00:07:22,664
I am a Renaissance woman.
This is a Renaissance Faire.
107
00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:25,710
-We are a perfect fit.
-Delightful.
108
00:07:26,045 --> 00:07:29,105
I've got just the hole for this peg.
109
00:07:29,215 --> 00:07:32,844
Hear ye, hear ye, by order of King Philip...
110
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:36,217
for the crime of offering her own opinion...
111
00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:40,691
this impudent wench has been sentenced
to one hour in the stocks.
112
00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:43,392
Hoist your fruit, good men.
113
00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:44,895
[Men laughing]
114
00:07:48,568 --> 00:07:51,298
Okay, Phil. Where do I start?
115
00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:01,747
King Philip sent us here
about a job for my wife.
116
00:08:03,015 --> 00:08:04,846
I'm not saying it has to be a good job.
117
00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:08,079
But, again, we were referred by the king.
118
00:08:08,187 --> 00:08:11,156
All right, bear with me a sec.
This thing is so freaking slow.
119
00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:13,725
I would make
an excellent wandering minstrel.
120
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:15,953
If I can play guitar on the StairMaster...
121
00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:18,326
I certainly can do it while wandering.
122
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:21,997
No, see, you're a woman.
Other than the yard-long margaritas...
123
00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:24,695
we're pretty strict
about historical accuracy.
124
00:08:24,904 --> 00:08:28,032
You're pretty much looking at
cleaning wench, stable wench...
125
00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:29,869
or butter-churning wench.
126
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:34,275
Are you sure you don't have any openings
for a queen? Warrior princess?
127
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:36,940
No. I can go over the wenches again.
128
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:40,976
Is cleaning wench
the highest-ranking wench?
129
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:42,484
Highest?
130
00:08:45,124 --> 00:08:47,217
Oh, yes.
131
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:53,699
When a tour comes by, clean the rug
by beating the dirt out of it.
132
00:08:53,799 --> 00:08:57,929
When the tour leaves,
dirty the rug by sprinkling dirt on it.
133
00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:02,497
Well, as back-to-back-to-back
Substitute Teacher of the Year...
134
00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:05,941
I may look far too intelligent
to be a cleaning wench.
135
00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:08,007
I just hope people buy it.
136
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,383
I am sweating like a horse here.
137
00:09:20,927 --> 00:09:22,360
Well, what happened to you?
138
00:09:22,461 --> 00:09:25,430
I was punished
for my sloth and impertinence.
139
00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:27,021
Why are you talking like that?
140
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:31,668
Honey, you don't want the king
to catch you breaking character.
141
00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:34,797
Once he put me on stable duty
for humming an Elvis song.
142
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,568
TOUR GUlDE: Follow me, fair visitors.
143
00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:39,839
To our tasks, everyone!
Villagers approach.
144
00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:43,211
I hope you enjoyed
the stable and the sty.
145
00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:47,816
We now move on to some more comely
beasts of burden, the wenches.
146
00:09:48,020 --> 00:09:51,319
Good morrow, everyone.
I am beating a rug.
147
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:54,621
A very important job,
for castles were oft drafty and--
148
00:09:54,727 --> 00:09:59,357
-Wench, whom addressed thee?
-I addressed myself.
149
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:03,123
Since there was no such thing
as a vacuum cleaner in the Middle Ages--
150
00:10:03,235 --> 00:10:05,465
What speak you of vacuum cleaner?
151
00:10:05,571 --> 00:10:08,870
-Peggy, hold thine tongue!
-Oh, oh, oh, right, right, right.
152
00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:13,708
In the future,
they will invent a magical sucking device...
153
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:16,338
to free women from household drudgery!
154
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:21,114
If thou can foretell the future,
perhaps thou art a witch!
155
00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:25,213
She is no witch, milord.
Merely tetched in the head from the sun.
156
00:10:25,324 --> 00:10:26,552
She's a witch!
157
00:10:26,659 --> 00:10:28,889
-Witch! Witch!
-Witch!
158
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:31,162
[Bugle blowing]
159
00:10:31,831 --> 00:10:35,028
How now? Is there unrest in my kingdom?
160
00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:36,465
She's a witch!
161
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:40,903
Well, I guess if they burn you at the stake,
they'll be using my propane.
162
00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:44,641
You'll find it burns witches
cleanly and evenly...
163
00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:47,872
and at a fraction of the cost of natural gas.
164
00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:50,774
You know, this cleaning-wench thing
isn't really doing it for me.
165
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:55,252
If her arms worked
as hard as her serpent's tongue...
166
00:10:55,354 --> 00:10:58,152
there would be nary
a speck of dust in the kingdom.
167
00:11:09,201 --> 00:11:10,395
[Sighing with relief]
168
00:11:12,104 --> 00:11:15,164
This is not
what nature intended for my implants.
169
00:11:15,274 --> 00:11:18,300
That fat Merlin
finished all the chicken wings.
170
00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:20,741
Why do the wenches
always get the last lunch break?
171
00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:23,041
Because Philip is an ass.
172
00:11:23,482 --> 00:11:26,315
Speaking of which,
he grabbed mine again this morning.
173
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:29,650
But he's your boss.
That is sexual harassment.
174
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:34,152
Well, King Philip says
that's all just tomfoolery.
175
00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:37,718
You know, it's okay to humiliate me
when I'm Becky, the butter-churner...
176
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:39,889
but not when I'm Becky, the person.
177
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,832
-Oh, by the way, my name's Becky.
-Peggy Hill, rug wench.
178
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:46,864
You know, maybe
he just doesn't have good people skills.
179
00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:48,337
You know, sometimes I don't.
180
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:51,376
See Brandon over there?
He started here a year ago.
181
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,578
Makes twice as much as me.
182
00:11:55,247 --> 00:11:56,339
You know what?
183
00:11:56,449 --> 00:12:00,112
As the highest-ranking wench,
maybe I should talk to the king.
184
00:12:00,352 --> 00:12:02,343
It is time we rewrote history.
185
00:12:03,856 --> 00:12:05,756
Hey, Philip, you got a second?
186
00:12:08,961 --> 00:12:10,553
Mr. Motzinger?
187
00:12:12,198 --> 00:12:14,860
-King Philip?
-Oh, I'm sorry.
188
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:17,395
I was just counting my treasure
from the Americas.
189
00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:19,528
What is the reason for this interruption?
190
00:12:19,638 --> 00:12:23,335
One of the girls got out her laptop
and we went on some labor websites....
191
00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:27,572
-""Laptop""?
-Oh, come on. This is serious.
192
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:31,546
You have women working more than
40 hours a week without overtime.
193
00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:35,017
There is no sanitary-napkin dispenser
in the ladies' Porta-John.
194
00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:39,387
And are you familiar with the
Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993?
195
00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:43,052
How could I be? It is but 1590.
196
00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:45,960
Why don't you drop the act
and you explain to me...
197
00:12:46,065 --> 00:12:50,832
why the wenches make 70 cents on the
dollar and the village idiot gets full dental?
198
00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:54,565
You are but a woman,
and I have given you enough of my time!
199
00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:55,662
Begone!
200
00:13:01,914 --> 00:13:06,214
God dangit! That's my third pair
of these goddang tights today.
201
00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:09,180
At least you get to wear tights.
202
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,723
These are my work stockings.
203
00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:13,819
How do you ladies put up with this?
204
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:16,751
Well, we put up
with a lot more than that, Hank.
205
00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:19,387
Just now,
when I was complaining to King Philip--
206
00:13:19,498 --> 00:13:21,295
Whoa, whoa! Complaining? No.
207
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:24,265
The customer complains,
not the gas merchant's wench.
208
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,429
-You're gonna skunk the deal.
-But I just--
209
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:30,600
Look, if the king gives you a hard time,
come see me, and I'll handle it.
210
00:13:30,776 --> 00:13:35,406
-Whatever you do, don't open your mouth.
-I can fight my own battles.
211
00:13:36,048 --> 00:13:37,015
Mouth!
212
00:13:45,057 --> 00:13:47,355
If King Philip isn't ready
for the Age of Reason...
213
00:13:47,459 --> 00:13:51,953
we will dust off a Dark Ages classic,
the peasant revolt!
214
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:56,234
-Everyone grab a tomato!
-Are you crazy? You'll get us all fired!
215
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:58,860
He can't fire all of us.
Who will do the laundry, huh?
216
00:13:58,971 --> 00:14:00,768
The blacksmith? He's filthy!
217
00:14:00,873 --> 00:14:04,900
This Faire will grind to a halt, and
Philip will be forced to meet our demands.
218
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:07,740
Look, I can't take any chances.
I have a daughter...
219
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,680
and she needs a prom dress. And it has
to be the one from the magazine...
220
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:12,648
or all the other girls will make fun of her!
221
00:14:12,751 --> 00:14:15,515
Aren't you willing to risk
this demeaning job today...
222
00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:18,215
to give your daughter
a brighter tomorrow?
223
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:19,985
Or whenever her prom is?
224
00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:22,091
[Bugle blowing]
225
00:14:22,728 --> 00:14:27,222
Hear ye. Hear ye.
All rise for the royal procession.
226
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:32,232
-I hand you tomatoes of freedom!
-Give me a firm one!
227
00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:39,472
What a fine day for a Faire it is!
228
00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:49,285
Welcome to my kingdom.
229
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:52,353
It's now or never! Now!
230
00:14:58,063 --> 00:14:59,690
Come on, throw!
231
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:03,827
I'm sorry.
232
00:15:05,804 --> 00:15:10,571
The One-Wench Rebellion of 1590
has been quashed!
233
00:15:10,876 --> 00:15:11,843
HANK: Peggy?
234
00:15:13,779 --> 00:15:15,110
Well, I'm sorry, Hank.
235
00:15:15,314 --> 00:15:18,181
I guess everyone here likes things
the way they are.
236
00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:20,215
I'll go back to beating the rug now.
237
00:15:20,319 --> 00:15:21,684
I wonder, Madam...
238
00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:26,017
if I can expect the same impertinence
from your husband's propanery...
239
00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:29,525
that I have come to expect from you.
240
00:15:29,728 --> 00:15:32,822
-Please, Hank had nothing to do with this.
-Guards!
241
00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:36,590
Seize this wench
and take her to the stocks!
242
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:40,162
What are you doing?
Take your hands off her!
243
00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:43,366
No, no. It's okay, Hank. I'm not here.
244
00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:46,410
I'm in our bathroom over my own sink.
245
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:50,608
-And I'm flossing, Hank. I'm flossing.
-Oh!
246
00:15:55,187 --> 00:15:57,621
Okay, that's it. Show's over.
247
00:15:58,090 --> 00:16:00,354
Hank, stop! You'll lose the account.
248
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:04,190
Listen to your shrew.
In her nagging, there is wisdom.
249
00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:07,094
Dangit! There are more important things
than a sale!
250
00:16:07,199 --> 00:16:10,532
You take off that crown!
I'm kicking your ass!
251
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:14,299
Oh, you demand satisfaction? Fine.
252
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,838
-Then we shall joust by day's end!
-Say huh?
253
00:16:18,944 --> 00:16:21,139
If you are able to tilt me off my steed...
254
00:16:21,246 --> 00:16:25,546
then I will apologize to you and yon hag
and purchase your gas.
255
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:29,509
But if I should send thou
tumbling to the dirt...
256
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:34,149
then you and your gas
will be banished from the kingdom.
257
00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:36,523
But not before your wif...
258
00:16:36,628 --> 00:16:40,223
cleans the man-sweat from my blouse.
259
00:16:41,066 --> 00:16:44,832
Fine! You are in
for the joust of your life, mister!
260
00:16:45,104 --> 00:16:47,834
Yep, the joust of your life.
261
00:16:56,482 --> 00:16:58,177
-Yep.
-Yep.
262
00:17:00,219 --> 00:17:03,382
Bleep. Yeah, you're gonna get killed, Hank.
263
00:17:03,589 --> 00:17:05,819
I'd offer to help,
but the prime directive forbids me...
264
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:08,085
from altering the course of history.
265
00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:10,753
If I do, you will win,
but the universe will lose...
266
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,764
and who wants that? Besides you.
267
00:17:13,932 --> 00:17:17,891
No chump in a velvet costume
is ever kicking my ass.
268
00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:21,771
Hank, I don't need to tell you
how important this joust is, do l?
269
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,866
Of course not. My wife's honor is at stake.
270
00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:26,211
Yes, I do.
271
00:17:26,311 --> 00:17:30,213
Hank, I already made my ""in your face""
call to Thatherton!
272
00:17:30,315 --> 00:17:31,748
Don't muck this up!
273
00:17:35,654 --> 00:17:37,622
And if Hank hadn't been there
to defend me...
274
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,691
I might still be in the stocks.
275
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:42,089
And towards the end there,
they were throwing potatoes.
276
00:17:42,194 --> 00:17:45,288
Which I had to tell them
was more historically accurate.
277
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:46,765
My mouth.
278
00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:49,294
What do you think gonna happen
after the joust?
279
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:52,393
You know, when Hank is killed,
with Peggy?
280
00:17:52,504 --> 00:17:53,630
In the Middle Ages...
281
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:57,300
there was an orderly procedure
for the dispensation of the wife.
282
00:17:57,443 --> 00:18:00,105
Unlike in today's gynocracy.
283
00:18:00,345 --> 00:18:04,577
Ownership goes from the son
to the dog to the best friend.
284
00:18:04,683 --> 00:18:07,914
Bobby's too young, Ladybird's too old,
I already own a wife...
285
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:11,922
Boomhauer doesn't have the time.
So, Bill, this could be your in.
286
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:14,925
Don't worry, Peggy. I'll take care of you.
287
00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:18,223
That is as unnecessary as it is repulsive.
288
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:22,423
-Peggy Hill can take care of herself.
-Oh, boy!
289
00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:25,262
You're gonna have your hands full
with this one, Bill.
290
00:18:25,737 --> 00:18:29,264
-Next item, Hank's lawnmower.
-Yo, man. I got dibs on it.
291
00:18:29,374 --> 00:18:31,433
Oh, you're all a bunch of morons!
292
00:18:47,392 --> 00:18:51,158
I think you should know
I've never jousted before.
293
00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:54,397
-Or ridden a horse.
-He'll do most of the work.
294
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:58,266
Now, if he bucks you, make sure to
cover your neck and your testicles.
295
00:19:04,109 --> 00:19:07,738
The joust is commencing!
The joust is commencing!
296
00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:19,814
Go, Hank!
297
00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:21,823
Go, Dad!
298
00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:23,554
-Bobby!
-Oh!
299
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,832
Tell me, peasant...
300
00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:07,304
how does it feel to have lost the joust,
your wench's honor...
301
00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:11,467
and the propane account
in one mighty thrust of my lance?
302
00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:13,874
It's a bitter taste, I'm sure.
303
00:20:13,979 --> 00:20:15,879
And ye shall savor it...
304
00:20:15,981 --> 00:20:19,849
for seven score fortnights anon!
305
00:20:20,419 --> 00:20:21,386
[Horse neighing]
306
00:20:28,493 --> 00:20:29,460
Huh?
307
00:20:42,341 --> 00:20:44,309
Hey, King Make-Believe!
308
00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:47,505
You just got beat by a girl.
309
00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:52,781
-Yeah! All right, Mom!
-Hooray!
310
00:20:56,521 --> 00:21:00,480
Help me to my feet,
you gaggle of magpies!
311
00:21:01,393 --> 00:21:05,420
-What hand you me?
-It's a lawsuit, honey.
312
00:21:05,897 --> 00:21:08,957
""Department of Labor, OSHA...
313
00:21:09,067 --> 00:21:12,434
""Texas Workforce Commission""?
314
00:21:15,540 --> 00:21:18,976
Crap! I'm gonna lose my Faire.
315
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:22,205
I don't want to go back
to selling real estate.
316
00:21:26,985 --> 00:21:28,145
We did it, Peggy.
317
00:21:28,253 --> 00:21:30,881
Well, I just wish
I'd been born 500 years ago.
318
00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:34,390
I could have single-handedly saved
womankind forever.
319
00:21:34,493 --> 00:21:36,552
-I helped, too, you know.
-Yes, Hank.
320
00:21:36,662 --> 00:21:39,859
Everybody helped.
Just try not to fall off the horse this time.
321
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:41,728
The prime directive has been breached!
322
00:21:41,833 --> 00:21:44,267
Women's liberation
has happened too soon!
323
00:21:44,369 --> 00:21:46,234
I must warn the future!
324
00:21:47,839 --> 00:21:50,740
Take me with you! I hate it here.
325
00:22:28,647 --> 00:22:30,080
PHlLlP: How iow, gas mai?
326
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:41,080
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