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1
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,162
All right, Manger Babies.
2
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:37,328
We are on right after the weather report.
3
00:00:37,437 --> 00:00:40,839
So, if anyone has to go to the bathroom,
tell me now.
4
00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:45,871
Well, it looks like that storm brewing
in Big Bend will miss Heimlich County...
5
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:49,847
and plant a big sloppy kiss on
the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex.
6
00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:52,509
-Sorry, Big D.
-Thanks, Nancy.
7
00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:55,546
On a personal note,
I will be on vacation next week.
8
00:00:55,789 --> 00:01:00,124
So, Nancy, I'd like to be the first
to wish you a happy 40th birthday.
9
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,727
Why, thank you, Berle.
10
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:08,228
For 40-year-old Nancy Hicks Gribble
on weather and Don Ringle on sports...
11
00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:10,934
this is Berle Arlington bidding you...
12
00:01:11,038 --> 00:01:13,336
good night and God bless.
13
00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:15,803
And clear.
14
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,570
Hey, beautiful!
15
00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:21,337
Prepare yourself to be whisked, as in o/�.
16
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:26,414
I am taking you to the La Grunta Resort
for a birthday weekend you will not forget.
17
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,689
I think I'd rather celebrate
my birthday quietly at home.
18
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:33,453
Too late. Your credit card is already billed.
19
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:36,120
Now, let's go pamper you.
20
00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:42,464
DALE: The odd thing is I hate dirt,
but I love mud.
21
00:01:56,917 --> 00:02:01,218
It's hailing! I've got to get back to the
station. This is sweeps-worthy weather.
22
00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:08,892
Our Weather Watcher in Rumpert says
the hail is now dodge-ball size.
23
00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,162
We gotta go live!
24
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:13,360
You okay?
25
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:15,935
You, puppet girl, can you read?
26
00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:22,532
"And the National Weather Service
predicts the storm will..."
27
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:27,345
Slow down! The words are going too fast.
28
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,548
Damn it. She's wearing blue.
29
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,741
...for two more days
before finally clearing.
30
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,718
It's a good color on her.
31
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:38,447
Anyways, it's going to keep raining and
hailing and thundering and lightning-ing...
32
00:02:38,558 --> 00:02:39,525
for a while.
33
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,890
So, hug your babies tight.
34
00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:47,300
LUANNE: And back to you, Mr. Arlington.
BERLE: Call me Berle.
35
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:48,401
LUANNE: Berle.
36
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:51,866
I got here as fast as I could, Tom.
I am ready to go on.
37
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:55,203
Hey, Nancy, we are going
to shake things up a little.
38
00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:59,006
I am making you the late night
weekend weather girl.
39
00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:01,547
Luanne is going to take over
the morning weather slot.
40
00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:10,019
I used to think these lines gave me
integrity as a weather journalist.
41
00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:13,357
But who am I kidding?
They are just wrinkles.
42
00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:14,950
I blame the mirror.
43
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:18,259
I've seen a mirror turn
an ordinary man 10 feet tall.
44
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:21,426
And another turn
the same man 3 feet short.
45
00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:23,936
That man was me.
46
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:28,207
I am getting old, Dale.
And I am in a younger, prettier business.
47
00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:29,275
Oh, God!
48
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:32,144
I need a face-lift or a time machine.
49
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:38,476
And your smoking is not helping.
Cigarettes are hell on skin.
50
00:03:38,585 --> 00:03:40,917
You know I can't quit.
51
00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:46,855
What do you think, Dr. Mark Seldon?
Can you take care of my baby?
52
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,860
Absolutely. I am very good.
53
00:03:49,262 --> 00:03:51,788
I just want to look like me, 20 years ago.
54
00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:54,126
What's this face-ectomy going to run us?
55
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:55,391
$5,000.
56
00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:58,767
It will take us 20 years to save
that kind of money.
57
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,806
And then you will have
to make her look 40 years younger.
58
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:04,570
And we'll never be able to afford that!
59
00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:08,537
Why would Nancy want a face-lift?
60
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:10,946
There's nothing wrong with
the face God gave her.
61
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:14,715
I am with you.
But my baby gets what my baby wants.
62
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:19,019
There is no procedure, however gruesome,
I could ever deny her.
63
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:22,790
How're you gonna pay for it?
Are you taking Dale's Dead Bug public?
64
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,296
Good idea. But nope.
65
00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:28,527
I filed a $5,000-dollar suit
in small-claims court...
66
00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:32,003
against one Reynolds Penland,
Chairman and CEO...
67
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,574
of the Manitoba Tobacco Corporation.
68
00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:39,305
I will allege the second-hand smoke from
his fine product has wrinkled my wife...
69
00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:43,540
jeopardizing her job because she
is unattractive to weather-watchers...
70
00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:46,881
and her marriage
because she is unattractive to me.
71
00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:50,451
You know, who you ought to
be suing is the Arlen school system.
72
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:54,788
How one of their graduates could come up
with a plan this dumb is beyond me.
73
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:57,725
No. My plan is brilliant.
74
00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:01,368
I could be suing those cigarette moguls
for billions.
75
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,904
They will never show up in court
to save a measly five large.
76
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:07,565
They pee wine that costs more than that.
77
00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:10,642
- I will get a default judgment.
-Brilliant.
78
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:16,742
Four, three, two, one.
79
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:21,716
9:00 a.m. on the dot and
the dastardly coward didn't show.
80
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,783
I will just take my money now
and skedaddle.
81
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,025
Oh, poo!
82
00:05:31,464 --> 00:05:33,125
Your Honor, I am Jeremy Toblik...
83
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:36,066
lead counsel for the
Manitoba Tobacco Corporation...
84
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,297
and its CEO, Reynolds Penland.
85
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:46,011
It appears this case has been removed
to Federal District Court across the street.
86
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:49,077
Where they will write my check?
87
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:53,676
Mr. Gribble, the Manitoba Tobacco
Corporation has just counter-sued you...
88
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,846
for $1.3 million dollars.
89
00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:58,548
Have a nice day in court.
90
00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:01,824
You weren't supposed to show up!
91
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,863
PENLAND: Don't underestimate this guy.
92
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,696
He's the only customer in our database...
93
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:11,703
who has earned every single item
in our gift catalog.
94
00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:16,138
You've got to smoke 90,000 cigarettes just
to get the satineen jacket.
95
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:19,880
Now, let's be honest.
He should be dead by now.
96
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,039
I am not putting you on the stand.
97
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:25,015
Don't worry. We are placing Gribble
under electronic surveillance.
98
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,415
Observation.
99
00:06:26,686 --> 00:06:30,782
Best-case scenario, we catch Gribble
playing lovey-dovey with his wife...
100
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:31,949
and destroy his credibility.
101
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:35,995
- I don't want to know about this.
-It can't be traced back to you.
102
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:39,555
We hired a local P.I. And we are
paying him out of our snack-cake division.
103
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,632
[Dale panting heavily]
104
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:47,765
The lawyers subpoenaed my records.
That's the first step.
105
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:50,841
The second step will be to kidnap
everyone I've ever known...
106
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,503
and erase their memories.
107
00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:54,808
The third step will be to kill me!
108
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:58,510
Dale, they are suing you.
They are not gonna kill you.
109
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,377
Wake up, Hank!
110
00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:05,357
These people kill 400,000 of
their own satisfied customers every year!
111
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:09,021
Dale, do yourself a favor
and just drop the case.
112
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,824
Maybe they will go easy on you.
113
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:19,269
How do you know
maybe they will go easy on me?
114
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:23,869
They got to you, didn't they, Hank Hill?
115
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:27,310
Or should I say, Reynolds Penland?
116
00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:29,382
Peel off your fake face, Penland.
117
00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:31,678
Come on, peel it off. Like this.
118
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,019
From the bottom up.
119
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:40,991
Penland, you just bought yourself
an assault charge.
120
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,361
-Dale Gribble?
-Yes!
121
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:51,001
-Got a package for you.
-Goody-goody. What'd I get?
122
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:57,642
It's Smoking Sammy Salmon,
the singing Manitoba fish.
123
00:07:57,777 --> 00:08:01,441
This is a corporate Christmas present
not available to the public.
124
00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:02,581
Enjoy.
125
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:07,419
Look, Nancy! It's Smoking Sammy Salmon,
the singing Manitoba fish.
126
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:10,623
Wow!
127
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:14,658
Luanne is one hot fudge sundae
with two big scoops.
128
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,924
Wait! This will cheer you up.
129
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,501
LUANNE: It's the five-day forecast.
130
00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:24,194
[Singing] Manitoba is the brand to smoke
131
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:26,398
You'll enjoy it toke for toke
132
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:28,268
Don't worry
133
00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:30,907
Keep smoking
134
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:32,545
A bug!
135
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:37,117
A grotesque, flying water beetle.
136
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:40,181
Will you excuse me, Nancy?
137
00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:43,017
They are bugging me! My God! I can't!
138
00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:49,554
Dale! Come in.
139
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:52,958
I was just, you know, drinking beer.
140
00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:03,976
What?
141
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:08,241
-I am being bugged.
-What?
142
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,214
I am being bugged!
143
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,917
By the Manitoba Tobacco Corporation.
144
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:21,817
Was it like when the Norwegian Secret
Police planted a bug in your person?
145
00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:25,559
No. These guys are amateurs
to be trifled with.
146
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,266
In the spirit of aikido...
147
00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:31,463
I will turn their bug against them...
148
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:35,007
and feed it a steady diet
of strategic disinformation...
149
00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:39,204
i.e., I will insult Nancy's appearance
so convincingly...
150
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:42,441
they will offer me
a large out-of-court settlement.
151
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:46,179
I get it. And Nancy will pretend to cry.
152
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:50,345
No. No pretending.
Nancy's a terrible actress.
153
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:54,451
Remember how her Eliza Doolittle
"did little" for the critics?
154
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:58,822
For my insults to be effective, Nancy must
remain completely in the dark...
155
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:03,870
her reactions real and unscripted,
like a Dean Martin roast.
156
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:11,066
I got a new dress for work today.
157
00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:15,879
Baby. Come here and let me get
a good look at you.
158
00:10:16,649 --> 00:10:20,608
-I love the dress. But what's with the face?
-What?
159
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,485
I am just saying you might want to get
a skycap to help you...
160
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:26,287
with those bags under your eyes.
161
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:35,526
DALE: Nancy, dearest, your smoke-ravaged
face is making me nauseous.
162
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:39,936
Would you mind putting this Kroger bag
over your head so I can make love to you?
163
00:10:40,039 --> 00:10:41,473
NANCY: Get out!
164
00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:43,176
The man's an animal.
165
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:46,439
The only person the jury's going to hate
more than him is me.
166
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:49,880
I don't know how much more
of this I can take.
167
00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:53,044
When he's not coming up with
a new way to tell me I am ugly...
168
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:56,555
he's talking about how much money he's
going to make off of my disfigurement.
169
00:10:56,656 --> 00:11:00,217
You are not disfigured.
You are very pretty.
170
00:11:01,027 --> 00:11:03,325
Hank, tell her how pretty she is.
171
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:08,732
Well, you've got beautiful eyes,
and a great figure, and you got--
172
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,963
Thank you, Hank.
That's more than enough.
173
00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:13,733
Hi, everybody.
174
00:11:13,973 --> 00:11:17,876
Wow! Mrs. Gribble, you look terrible.
175
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,907
Here. Try this new moisturizing cream.
176
00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:26,047
|I use it on days when I don't look my best.
177
00:11:26,986 --> 00:11:28,647
It's not even opened.
178
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,285
She sure looks tired.
179
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:38,194
Yes. But still doable.
180
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:42,334
If I am going to win this thing,
I've got to bump it up a notch.
181
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,196
Nancy is highly allergic to lemon.
182
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,772
-Bill, hand me a--
-Lemon?
183
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,110
Yes.
184
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,486
NANCY: Oh, my God!
185
00:12:03,756 --> 00:12:07,249
And as we move west toward El Paso,
watch out for high winds.
186
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:11,292
So, ladies, if you've just done your hair,
you'd better beware.
187
00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:16,592
I just came to support Mrs. Gribble
and to give her some more make-ups.
188
00:12:16,803 --> 00:12:19,272
-You sabotaged my face!
-What?
189
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:23,031
-Look at me!
-Good God.
190
00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:28,875
Now, Manitoba Cigarettes
have cost you your job, too?
191
00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:31,575
Tom the station manager said...
192
00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:35,086
he didn't want to see
my ugly face anymore!
193
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:38,915
So, now nobody wants
to see your ugly face.
194
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:41,989
That is it! I don't deserve this.
195
00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:46,359
You used to be a kind, loving man.
And now you are a foul-mouthed monster!
196
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:49,367
-Yeah, yeah. Go on.
-Don't you touch me!
197
00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:52,100
It's over. I am leaving you.
198
00:12:57,910 --> 00:13:02,541
My horrifyingly grotesque wife
is leaving me because of my...
199
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,240
smoking.
200
00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:18,692
Dale, I've tried real hard
to stay out of your relationship.
201
00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:23,533
But your relationship just moved
into my house and won't stop crying.
202
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:27,033
Drop the suit and apologize
before it's too late.
203
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,507
Man, you are a little-picture guy.
204
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:32,169
Once I win and Nancy gets her face-lift...
205
00:13:32,278 --> 00:13:35,373
everything will be as smooth
as her new skin.
206
00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:41,885
[Singing] Beef-A-Root's fun to eat
207
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,922
Beef-A-Root's really neat
208
00:13:44,023 --> 00:13:45,821
Beef-A-Root's quite a treat
209
00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:47,290
-Hooray!
-Yippee!
210
00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:49,691
For Beef-A-Roni
211
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:53,524
I can't take it anymore! Nancy's gone!
212
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:56,625
She is gone and it's breaking my heart.
213
00:13:57,470 --> 00:14:00,804
-She's coming back.
-No. No, she's not!
214
00:14:00,907 --> 00:14:04,605
You are living a lie.
She's never coming back!
215
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:07,942
They never ever do!
You think they will but they won't.
216
00:14:08,047 --> 00:14:11,642
Bill, you are scaring me.
Weren't we just having fun?
217
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:14,910
Yes. Believe me,
I want you to get a divorce.
218
00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:17,581
That way you will be here all the time.
219
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,751
Secretly, I was happy
your stupid plan backfired...
220
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:24,922
so that I wouldn't be alone anymore,
but this isn't right.
221
00:14:25,264 --> 00:14:29,201
Go back to your wife! Here!
Take the money! And go, go on!
222
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:31,565
Get back out the door
and get out of here! Get out!
223
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:43,077
Hank, maybe I should talk to Nancy
for just a moment.
224
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:46,384
She doesn't want to talk to you.
You broke her heart, Dale.
225
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:48,716
Tell her I just want to tell her I am sorry...
226
00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:52,451
and if she will let me talk to her,
I will tell her myself. Tell her.
227
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:56,084
I will do my best.
But it's not going to be an easy sell.
228
00:14:57,597 --> 00:15:00,294
HANK: Nancy?
NANCY: Make him go away.
229
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:02,702
No sale.
230
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:14,242
I need my Nancy!
231
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:20,882
She won't talk to me.
What am I going to do?
232
00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:27,386
Wait. I know what I am going to do.
233
00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:30,296
All right, brain trust. The trial's tomorrow.
234
00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:32,057
Don't play patty cake with me.
235
00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:33,763
Could we lose this thing?
236
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:36,267
We erased the tapes, so they can't hurt us.
237
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:41,307
But the love affair between juries
and tobacco companies has cooled.
238
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,741
Could we lose this thing?
239
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:51,450
TOBLIK: Yes.
240
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:58,814
-Are you Nancy Hicks Gribble?
-Yes.
241
00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:02,324
It's a subpoena.
242
00:16:02,428 --> 00:16:05,955
Now Dale is dragging me into court
to humiliate me publicly.
243
00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:08,691
I can't get involved. Good day, madam.
244
00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:24,606
It's a legitimate offer.
Why couldn't he just--
245
00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:27,812
-Mr. Gribble, I am Reynolds Penland.
-Wait.
246
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:31,916
If you're here, who's that?
247
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:36,486
Gribble, I am offering you
the deal of the century.
248
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:38,257
$75,000.
249
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:43,195
In return, we accept no liability
and you keep your mouth shut.
250
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,532
You have no idea who you're up against...
251
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:48,505
if you think I can begin
to keep my mouth shut.
252
00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:53,376
I don't want your chump change.
I am going for the big prize.
253
00:16:56,716 --> 00:17:00,550
Mr. Gribble, again I say this not only
as an officer of the court...
254
00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:02,382
but as a caring human being.
255
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:05,053
Please do not represent yourself.
256
00:17:05,157 --> 00:17:07,649
May I continue?
257
00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:11,394
-Legally I cannot stop you.
-Thank you, Your Honor.
258
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:15,995
Mr. Gribble, I hold in my hand...
259
00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:21,439
People Magazine's
Fifty Most Beautiful People issue.
260
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:26,611
Are you familiar with
this Time Warner publication?
261
00:17:28,114 --> 00:17:29,081
No.
262
00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:32,477
May I remind you that you are under oath?
263
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:34,952
And the subscription label
on this magazine...
264
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,489
bears the name of your optometrist.
265
00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:40,058
I will ask you again.
266
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:44,561
Are you familiar with
this Time Warner publication?
267
00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:48,532
Possibly.
268
00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:51,132
Objection. How is this relevant?
269
00:17:51,337 --> 00:17:53,362
Your Honor, I intend to establish...
270
00:17:53,472 --> 00:17:56,567
the witness's impossibly
high standard of beauty.
271
00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:58,206
I will allow it.
272
00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:02,441
But I want to see where this is going.
Sit still and get on with it.
273
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:04,276
Thank you, Your Honor.
274
00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:08,382
Mr. Gribble, referring to Page 16...
275
00:18:08,487 --> 00:18:10,012
in this magazine...
276
00:18:10,122 --> 00:18:14,116
can you identify
the individual picture thereon?
277
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:17,897
Jennifer Aniston.
278
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:22,633
Do you or do you not find her beautiful?
279
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:28,069
The really hot girl next door? Yeah.
Beautiful, no.
280
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:33,642
Page 19, Denise Richards.
281
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:41,048
I cannot get past her wretched acting
to see any beauty.
282
00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:47,689
Mira Sorvino, Mina Suvari, Chloe Sevigny?
283
00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:50,594
Speak English, please.
284
00:18:51,197 --> 00:18:53,427
Cindy Crawford? Mole!
285
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,657
Very well then.
286
00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:58,868
Julia Roberts.
287
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:02,098
"A horse is a horse, of course, of course.�
288
00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:05,369
You are telling this court under oath...
289
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:08,345
that you find none of
these women beautiful?
290
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:11,749
Are you a homosexual?
291
00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:13,715
No!
292
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:17,390
You cannot have it both ways, Mr. Gribble.
293
00:19:17,523 --> 00:19:20,458
Either you are a homosexual...
294
00:19:20,559 --> 00:19:24,462
or the most beautiful woman in the world
is in this magazine!
295
00:19:26,232 --> 00:19:30,226
The most beautiful woman in the world
is in this courtroom.
296
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:37,774
Not you. The prettier woman next to you.
297
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:42,309
Would the woman
in the sunglasses and hat...
298
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:45,510
please remove her sunglasses and hat?
299
00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:51,249
Do you know this woman?
300
00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:55,989
She is my wife. She is my lover.
301
00:19:56,429 --> 00:20:01,026
She is the mother of my child.
She is my raison d'�tre.
302
00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:04,534
But is she beautiful?
303
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,333
Now where is he going with this?
304
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:12,940
Your Honor, please direct
the witness to answer the question.
305
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:16,276
Let me remind the witness
and his attorney...
306
00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:21,319
that the entire basis of his damage
claim rests upon his wife's appearance.
307
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:24,052
One of you answer the question!
308
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:28,819
She is the most beautiful woman
in the world to me.
309
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:32,324
And I want her back more than anything.
310
00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:36,929
If anything, I owe Manitoba money
for the loveliness...
311
00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:40,700
my second-hand smoke
has bestowed upon my Nancy.
312
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:45,577
She thinks she needs a face-lift.
But it couldn't be further from the truth.
313
00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:47,769
Your Honor, the defense moves
for dismissal!
314
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,143
Case dismissed.
315
00:20:49,348 --> 00:20:53,114
Now, all of you,
get the hell out of my courtroom.
316
00:20:53,285 --> 00:20:55,219
I am so sorry, Nancy.
317
00:20:55,321 --> 00:20:57,619
I just wanted to make you
believe you were ugly...
318
00:20:57,723 --> 00:21:00,215
so if you testified you wouldn't have to lie.
319
00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:03,661
That's so romantic.
320
00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:08,860
It's romantic and cunning.
I am the whole package.
321
00:21:08,968 --> 00:21:10,834
Will you forgive me?
322
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:20,412
Cock-a-doodle-doo, Heimlich County.
323
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,438
Nothing but blue skies ahead.
324
00:21:23,549 --> 00:21:27,349
There, I signed your wife's new contract.
And I said I was sorry.
325
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:28,750
Now, are you going to drop...
326
00:21:28,854 --> 00:21:30,913
that age-discrimination suit
against the station?
327
00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:34,823
Not so fast, Hollywood.
What's in it for me?
328
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:37,422
What do you want?
329
00:21:37,897 --> 00:21:40,195
I don't know. I hadn't thought about it.
330
00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:43,700
File cabinet.
331
00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:46,636
Get him a file cabinet.
332
00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:49,367
I should have asked for a weather chopper.
333
00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:54,071
DALE: Weather chopper! And a file cabinet.
334
00:22:26,745 --> 00:22:28,509
LUANNE: Hug your babies tight.
335
00:22:28,559 --> 00:22:33,109
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