All language subtitles for Zero Effect - 1998 (6.9) Jake Kasdan

It's his uncompromising standard

He never meets his clients

He doesn't speak with them
or communicate directly

It's his policy

I'm his sole representative,
he's my only employer

and I have full authorization to
speak on his behalf on all his business

I have with me
a signed letter to that effect

He doesn't negotiate his fee

He works at a flat rate

Under some unusual circumstances
he'll work pro bono Never in between

I suppose I don't qualify
for the latter category

I haven't heard your proposal yet

I have a feeling that mine
is not a charity case

Most aren't

Mr Arlo, you realize
this is all very strange

I mean, nobody in your field

asks the kind of money
your employer does and nobody

communicates via

a messenger
It's all very unusual

Let me tell you about the case of the
man with the mismatched shoelaces

Years ago, when I first
came into his employ

he was contracted to find a man

I can't give much detail

but believe me, if this man
had not been located

our country's good diplomacy
with a certain economic superpower

might have a different face today

Federal, state, local authorities
all over the world

searched for a face whose
significance they couldn't fathom

He'd vanished without a trace

On the 8th morning, a non-political
third party contacted me

with an unrelated private agenda

My employer had never heard of this
missing man, knew nothing about him

After just one hour of desk work

just an hour after accepting
the case

he picked up the telephone
and placed a call

Guess who answered the phone

The missing man

The man with the mismatched shoelaces

Without ever leaving the house

I'm telling you, he never even

leaves the house, okay?

I mean, he's like some kind of recluse

A complete freak

No social life

In fact, no social skills

Fucking strange When he works

the smoothest operator you've seen

Brave, slick

cunning

do anything

Soon as he gets off work

it's all gone

Afraid to go to the dry cleaners

Literally

Too uncomfortable in his own skin
to go out and eat

Tactless

and inept

Rude too Just an asshole

You could meet him 5 times
and not realize it's the same person

He can tell you where you were born,
how old your mother was at the time

and what you had for breakfast,
all within 30 seconds of meeting you

He can get a criminal to confess without
his realizing he's being questioned

How does he do it?

He has a deeply nuanced and functional
understanding of human behavior

to rival the great psychoanalytical
minds of our time

He understands the criminal mind
as well as the innocent mind

the stable mind as well as the
psychotic, sociopathic mind

the male as well as the female

I don't think he's ever

kissed a girl

He's thirty-something years old

What does he do when he's not working?

Does he just sit around the house?

When private investigation
won its most worthy champion

academia and the arts
suffered a loss, a great loss

In addition to his many scholarly gifts,
he's a terrifically talented musician

He writes songs

He's terrible

His metaphors are thin,
his imagery is cliched

and his thematic material is trite
and heavy-handed

Why do you do it?

I left the firm, didn't know
what I was going to do

and I get this message on my machine

He'd watched me argue a case in court

said I was the only person for the job
I don't know The guy's nuts, okay?

What's his name?

The mysterious

and brilliant Daryl Zero

Certainly does take himself
seriously, doesn't he?

All right, Mr Arlo

I'm sold

What happens now?

You tell me how my employer
can be of service

then I fly home and speak to him

Where is home?

Not to be coy,
but I can't tell you that

Of course not

You know, I'm not used
to being in this position

Being needy

I understand

Yes

You know, it's of the
utmost importance

what I'm about to tell you
not leave your confidence

or that of your

inaccessible employer

That I can guarantee

Mr Arlo, I have lost my keys
and I need to find them

I'm being blackmailed, Mr Arlo

It's cost me a good deal
of money and many nights' sleep

I need the matter resolved

I need questions answered
and I must know who stole the key

to my safe deposit box

Mr Arlo, good to see you

Thanks, Rahim Keep it close
I'll be 20 minutes

We'll keep it up top

Great Thanks, Raoul

If I come a-knocking

a-knocking at your door

on this October day

Would you say, "It'd be a joy

With you, my good boy"

'Cause if you would

I'd say,

"Let's run off

and get married

It's the only thing for us to do

Let's run off and get married

If you love me"

like I

love you'

If I come a-calling

on a rainy afternoon

Would you be glad if I called

And whistle a merry tune

And if I'd pop the question

Straight from my heart

Would you say

"Let's run away
And be happy and gay?"

'Cause if you would I'd say,

"Let's run off and get married

It's the only thing for us to do

Let's run off and get married

If you love me

like I

love

you"

That's good

It's really good

You like it

I had the first verse a while ago

but I just got that second one

just a couple hours ago

- You really like it?
- Yeah

Where the fuck have you been?

What do you mean?

Where the fuck have you been?

I've been waiting for you

I came straight from the airport

I've been awake for three days

Three

Just love those amphetamines

Got to love them

Got to

Sounds healthy

It's good for my skin

If you do enough of that stuff
over a short period of time

you get these canker
sores on your tongue

They bleed and

See?

Disgusting

What'd the guy in Portland want?

Blackmail

- Name?
- Stark

Gregory Stark, Oregon Timber

He's a very rich man

Old money

Blackmail, huh?

Did he kill somebody
or fuck somebody?

Fucked somebody over
Sounds like embezzlement, maybe

Runs in the family, I guess
His old man, Jordan

had a big tax evasion suit
against him in '82

He was legally exonerated but karmically
convicted because he died right after

It was a massive coronary

He just didn't take care of himself
He ate like a pig

He was just a fat man

Gregory Stark is the son of a fat man

You wouldn't be the first hound
down this trail

- Who?
- Clearburg

- Didn't turn a thing
- Fucking hack

You know the trouble
with fucking Clearburg?

He has absolutely no fucking tact

He stinks up the whole neighborhood
And he's press hungry

He's just repulsive

Gregory Stark How desperate?
Scale of 1 to 10

Bordering on manic

Do I need to go there?

You'd want to check it out

There isn't too much to go on here

I'd have to go there?

I don't like it

Fuck it Sure Yeah
Tell him I'll do it

Wait Don't you even want
to hear what it is?

What is it today?

What day is it?

Sunday

I'll get on the plane to Portland

at 11: 15 tonight

arriving Portland at 1:32 am

You'll give me the details on the way
to the airport tonight

- Wait a minute Tonight?
- Yeah 10:00

Can't it wait till tomorrow?
I can have one night with Jess?

No, you'll go tomorrow

at 7:36 a M

because I need you to drive me
to the airport tonight

at 10:00

Do you want that low-cal breakfast?

My abilities are seriously impaired

maybe even disabled

right at the moment

Because I got to

get to sleep right now

- Daryl
- I'll see you at 10:00

Jess?

You're all wet

I don't care

- Thank you for the flowers
- You're welcome

You want to come in?

I'm glad you're back

I'm glad to be back

Where are you taking me tonight?

Jesus

He wouldn't say what's in the box

It sounds like some sort of financial
record, but he didn't want to tell me

So whatever he's hiding,
he keeps it in a safe deposit box

But then he keeps the key to the box
cleverly hidden on his key ring

with his car keys and his house keys?

I'm telling you what he said

So anyway, about a year ago
It'll be a year on the 12th

he loses his keys
They had a gold-plated

Swiss Army knife attached
A couple days pass

- He gets a little panicky
- Flight 2064 to Portland

Harold Burges

Then on June 23rd,
he gets a letter at the office

Comes FedEx
Stamped "Personal and Confidential"

Sender's name marked as
"Past Due Collections"

That's nice

Laser-printed, not very long

Starts out: "Mr Stark, I have evidence
linking you to your crime

You may entertain notions of impunity
But in the end everyone is culpable"

There's a succession of
$ 100,000 payments to be collected

He gets letters
which lay out a maze

and at the end of the maze he makes
the drop He's done it 7 times so far

He gave me copies of the letters
which are in a file

that I'm putting in your briefcase
with the case file

There's a drop tomorrow
I said he should plan

to go through with it

Good

There's a lack-of-information
problem here, and he won't say much

- What's wrong with these people?
- I said not to lie

Eventually you always figure it out
It just slows things down

You mention the case
of the guy who lied about his age?

Of course

Was he impressed?

Really impressed?

Fucking flabbergasted

I think if you look truthfully
you'll see

you maybe moved in
with her prematurely

What?

You heard me
Your problems with Jess

aren't my fault

Could we please
not talk about this now?

You're not ready to get married and
I think you should look at that and

Please?

I'm thinking maybe I should get
in touch with Hodgemeyer for this case

Reservation for Hodgemeyer

Mitchell

Hodgemeyer

This guy will be a pain in the ass

- Try to figure out which bank it is
- All right

We got one shot to break through this
Tomorrow afternoon

That's about the size of it

Easy enough

It's not without serious
reservation that I begin

the seemingly impossible task

of documenting my own methods

It always seemed that

someone else should do it

Unfortunately, my faithful
legal representative

has shown no interest whatsoever

And so I am forced
to take on the task myself

with no intention

of glorifying or aggrandizing
or immortalizing my own memory

but rather in the hope

that such a memoir might someday

be useful to others

I begin my examination

of the method

I always say my work
relies fundamentally

on two basic principles:

Objectivity and observation

Or the 2 Obs, as I call them

My work relies on my ability
to remain absolutely

purely

objective

Detached

I have mastered

the fine art

of detachment

And while it comes at some cost

this supreme objectivity is what
makes me

I dare say, the greatest observer
the world has ever known

Observing a subject,
particularly a client

in his or her own element
is usually very telling

Behavior is always more revealing
than language

if you know what to look for

No rain Would you believe it?

What? You talking to me?

I said, would you believe
it finally stopped raining?

What are you doing over there,
if you don't mind my asking? Level 8?

What?

Are you doing about an 8?

Seven

Seven

That's funny

That's what I'm doing

What?

Nothing I didn't say anything

Name's Carmine

- Nick Carmine
- Greg Stark

Real pleasure to make
your acquaintance, Stark

Likewise

You're right, but remember

since Maxwell's gone,
we don't have a fast break

No team's gotten to the finals
without a fast break

The Celtics

of the mid-80's

had no fast break

That's true

They were a slow team

One of the best shooting teams
I know I went to school in Cambridge

The Starks are a long dynasty
of Celtic fans

This is my good friend Gerald Auerbach

Nick Carmine

How was everything for you, Mr Carmine?

Terrific

Daisy, could I book
a massage for tomorrow morning?

Sure, no problem

Betsy comes highly recommended

Betsy is excellent

How about 9:00?

Betsy has an appointment
every morning at 9:00

How about 10:00?

That's the time I wanted

- Sorry
- It's all right You beat me to it

Are you a paramedic?

Yes How did you know that?

Just a hunch

What do you mean, just a hunch?
How did you know?

I'm very intuitive

Give this lady the 10:00 massage

You take it
You need it more than I do

What does that mean?

What'd she mean?

Who was that?

Her name is Gloria Sullivan

She's not married

Fantastic

Wait at the end

I really hope you're being followed

You can't be too careful

because we need to talk now

First of all

how was your trip?

Fine

Good

I just left Stark at the gym

Some major revelations Guy's a mess

Somebody's holding something
serious over his head

and I don't think it's about money

He doesn't move
like a white-collar criminal

When he walks, his shoulders

ride at ear level

Also, he cut himself shaving
3 times in the last 10 days or so

These are symptoms
of a deeply ingrained paranoid fear

Fear of being found out

I get on the treadmill next to his and I
get my machine going at his exact pace

I ask him what level he's running at

I guess 8 He says level 7

I'm running at the same speed he is

Level 5

He'd sooner lie to
a complete stranger

than to admit to being
3 levels below my guess

As soon as I talk to him,
he runs the other way

It's conditioning, though
A reflex

He obviously didn't think to connect me
to the blackmail business at all

If he'd suspected me

he would have remembered my name,
which he didn't

Also, like most lvy League graduates,
he drops his alma mater with

almost no prompting whatsoever

I say Celtics, he says Cambridge

Oh yeah, the gentleman prefers redheads
He lusts after his red-haired masseuse

You can tell by the way
he takes his massage

It's more than a little eroticized

He does it every day at the same time
with the same woman

I found an e-mail message
from Clearburg

Kind of cryptic Note said

"Thorough check finds no boxer
with the name K V"

K V Are obviously initials We have to
figure out what they stand for

Lets see, what else?

That's the important stuff

It's Sergio

Sergio Knight

Right Whatever

Can I ask you a question?

What's that?

Why are we talking on the phone?

I told you We can't be too careful

Two guys

in an airport

talking?

It's a little fishy

Why are we even in an airport?
Why don't we just leave?

Okay, I see the confusion

I need more research

I need you to go back to L A
And get in the computer

Then break into Clearburg's
computer and pull anything pertinent

I've written elaborate directions
They're in the phone book

In front of you Turn to Rentals

I'll meet you at the motel tonight
when you get back

Instead of calling me,
you had me fly up here to tell me

to go back to the computer
and then fly back again tonight?

It wasn't an emergency There was no
reason to risk the long-distance lines

They listen, you know

Are you still there?

Here we go

"Transaction instructions
for this Monday night

$ 100,000 cash

transported in a discreet
black leather bag

that you shall provide for yourself

Wear your business suit
and your gray overcoat

Carry the enclosed pager set to the

inaudible vibrating response

Go about your day per usual
Go to the gym, then the office

Leave the office at 5 p m

Your course is as follows:

Number 1:

At 5:30 p m, be at the intersection
of Powell and Green with the cash

2: When the clock
in your car reads 5:34

begin driving northbound up Powell

Number 3: Pager will go off,
displaying 6 digits

When your vehicle's odometer reads

the same overall mileage,
pull over and park

ASAP

Number 4: Funds in hand,
walk to the nearest

bus stop, same side of the street

Get on the next bus

Five:

Pager will deliver a 3-digit number

Get off the bus at the next stop,
cross the street

get on the train
with the painted number

that corresponds
with the pager message

Sit in the front-most available seat

Six:

Pager will deliver a third
and final message

Get off the train

walk to the corresponding
street address

7: Upon arrival, enter the building

Enter the first possible men's room

Go to the toilet stall
furthest from the door

lock yourself in

in tank of toilet, find plastic bag

Transfer cash into bag

replace in tank

walk outside
and trip the nearest fire alarm

then leave immediately

You have 3 minutes to get out
of the building from the time you enter

You are not to be accompanied

you are not to be followed
Your complete cooperation"

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah

A few words here
about following people

People know they're being followed
when they turn

and see someone following them

They can't tell they're being followed
if you get there first

Okay folks, that's the fire alarm

Everybody must leave the building

Please, do not run

Gloria Sullivan

You Arlo?

That other guy left this for you
That Olson?

He has a strange personality

I can't possibly overstate
the importance of good research

Everyone goes through life
dropping crumbs

Recognize the crumbs and you can trace
a path from your death certificate

to the dinner and movie
that resulted in you in the first place

But research is an art

not a science

Because anyone can find the crumbs

the wheres, whats and whos

The art is in the whys

the ability to read
between the crumbs

not to mix metaphors

For every event,
there is a cause and effect

For every crime a motive

And for every motive, a passion

The art of research is the ability
to look at the details

and see the passion

Excuse me

Okay, so, you have to tell me now

Yesterday, how could you
tell that I was a paramedic?

You really want to know?

I could smell it

What do you mean?

I could smell iodine

That's a very specific scent
that's unique largely

to ambulances and hospitals

I could see that your hair had been wet,
but dried naturally

But I smelled iodine,
so you hadn't gone home

to bathe or scrub down
since your last shift

Then I assumed you worked
the night before, when it rained

Then I figured paramedic,
not doctor or nurse

That's how

I just kind of guessed

You're right about

each part

Do you enjoy that work?

Sometimes

Sometimes?

It can be a thrill

You rush in the middle of something,
some chaotic mess, and get involved

intervene

maybe help somebody

maybe revive their body

Some of it's just boring, though

The hours are terrible

12 and 18-hour shifts
I'm rambling now, so

That's interesting to me

What about you?
Do you live around here?

"Do you live around here?"

Stupid question

What difference does that make?

No, that's okay

I'm only here for
a couple of days on business

So you're with that conference?

So you're an accountant?

That's pretty exciting, I know

I don't know how you do that
All the forms, all the time

The forms grow on you

Where do you live?

Nick

I know Nick Carmine

Daisy, the front desk She told me

What did I tell you
about these curtains?

And these over here?

Fucking whales?

Fuck the whales

I'm a mess

All that fucking exercise

Maybe you should
stop snorting that shit

It keeps my teeth sharp

I went back to L A And got that stuff
that you sent me to get

but since you then
went back to L A Yourself

you probably don't need it anymore

Did you see that poem that Stark
wrote in college, "An Ode to Clarissa?"

Worst I've read since the case of the
shrinking gypsy stripper's scribblings

Tell me this:

How do you rhyme
'towards' and 'birds'?

"Dropping, falling

diving towards

Two lovers lost

Plummeting

birds"?
They don't rhyme

Maybe it's not supposed to rhyme

Also

how do you write a poem
about Clarissa

and never have the name
in the poem?

If ever a name deserved, begged
to be in a poem, it's Clarissa

Anyway, I did that phone book-database
cross-reference thing you asked for

and there are 1800 men in Oregon

with the initials 'K V '

And about a million in the United States
that are listed

How about you?
Have any luck on your end?

I found the blackmailer

- You did?
- Yeah

Her name is Gloria Sullivan

How do you know it's her?

I watched her

walk into the bathroom

and get the money

I have to admit I was a bit surprised

I had a few guesses about suspects,
but I'd never

I mean, I just didn't even
think twice about that girl

So what's her deal?

Her deal?

Her deal is that there is absolutely
nothing out of the ordinary about her

She's a model citizen,
college graduate, good paramedic

She volunteers at a hospital for the
elderly She has no criminal record

I mean, she's very even-tempered

She's friendly

eager to chat

There's no nervousness about her,
which is odd for a blackmailer

Even at the pickup yesterday,
she's just

She's very cool

She's very cool

But there's a definite
intensity about her

She looks you right in the eye

Sort of a sensual quality

Very personable

A nice sense of humor

and actually very charming

Charming?

Did you just say charming?

Keep looking for that
safe deposit box

and then get Stark out of the office

Make plans for him
to pay you at 5:00 tonight

Then maybe you could go home
for a couple of nights

Couple of nights?

Aren't we done? You found
the blackmailer He only wanted a name

We're not done yet

First I have to find out
what her deal is

Is this your kid?

Nope

Just a rental

- You got the money?
- It's in the trunk The first third

You want a turn?

Does he know who's doing this to me?

Can't tell you anything yet

Nothing

Too soon Could interfere
with the investigation

Jesus

Okay, so here's how this is
going to work

You gave your car
to the valet like I asked?

Good

Now when we get out of sight

give me your valet ticket, I'll give
you one Go back to the restaurant

Order something

I had a late lunch I'm not hungry

Then order something light,
like a salad

When you're done,
give the valet your ticket

He'll bring a car identical to yours

Follow the map in the glove box

It'll lead you back to your own car,
which I'll have taken our money out of

Keys'll be in the visor

Now is there anything
you want to tell Mr Zero

that might make his job easier?

What do you have in mind?

Like for example

what's in the safe deposit box
and where is it?

I told you

that is not pertinent to his task

"K V"

Now, a few words on looking for things

When you look for something specific

your chances of finding it
are very bad

because of all things in the world,
you only want one of them

When you look for anything at all

your chances of finding it
are very good

because of all the
things in the world

you're sure to find some of them

And the most important rule:

Often what you're looking for

is right in front of your nose

There he is

I told you about his thing
for redheads, right?

Guess what color hair his secretary has

Red?

Men are so predictable

So did you find anything useful?

Gold mine

First of all, I got a full name on that
boxer that Clearburg couldn't find

Kragen Vincent

K V

It was on a letter
from our blackmailer

to our blackmailee "I warn you:
Stay away from Kragen Vincent"

He said he gave us all the letters

He didn't give us that one

Mr Stark apparently doesn't want me
to know about Kragen Vincent

So we'll have to figure out
who he is and where

I did find one other thing
of interest, though

Holy shit Those are the keys
You found the gold Swiss Army knife

I know

And the safe deposit box key
Where'd you find them?

In the sofa under the cushion

What?

They were stuck in the couch

in his office

Was he hiding them? Is that possible?

No Not possible

That's where they fell out
of his pocket over a year ago

What do you make of this?

I think, just as I feared, Ms Sullivan
doesn't know a thing about these keys

The keys are a coincidence?

That's confusing

Doesn't seem like a

good thing

Sure it is

It's good because the man has been
looking for his keys for a year

and I found them

Now, I'm going to go home

So tell me you won't need me tomorrow
because I could check out this Kragen

I won't need you tomorrow

I'm trusting you here, Daryl

Have a nice trip

It's cold and dark

in my heart

Said it's cold and dark in my heart

Mama

Look, I know this is totally
inappropriate but

- Never mind
- What?

You know what I'm going
to ask you

Is there any way I can get you to
look over my tax returns?

You can speak 6 languages
and fly a jetliner

but you don't know
how to file a tax return?

It's never come up?

Does this have to happen right now?

No, that's a W-2
WW II was the Second World War

Here it is

My humble

palace

It's very nice

How long have you been here?

3 years

That's something

You're going to need a calculator?

That would be great

You're an accountant

so you would know

What is the Corrodium 3 deduction?

The Corrodium 3 deduction

That's a very good question because

that, in fact, is probably
the most widely misunderstood

deduction in the book

Really

Indeed

The Corrodium 3 deduction

is an incentive used by
large manufacturers

who are able to moderate their use
of Class 3 decay toxins such as

Corrodium and

Maalgorium

Anything else?

All right

Time to get dirty

About how long is this going to take?

A little while

If you don't mind, I was
going to take a nap

Are you sure it's okay?

I'll just

be here

Just yell if you need anything else

How's it going over there?

Just another minute

I'm rechecking my math

You really ought to try

to keep all your receipts

for everything

I know I never remember

Just put them in an envelope

That's the thing to do
I try to keep all my receipts

It's just a matter of habit now

I can't thank you enough

You really helped me out there

That's

really my pleasure

Okay, listen

Let me make you dinner

No, you don't have to do that

I insist

I'll hop in the shower real quick,
then make us some food

All right

"Retired"

Jesus

Another 7-letter word

17 plus 50

67 points

Retire

Retire

It's not quite that simple

Why is it not that simple, Steve?

Whenever you say that

it creeps me out

I told you, it's nothing weird

I mean, okay, yes It's a little weird
But it's nothing creepy

exactly

What do you get out of this?

What kind of a hold does this guy,
whoever he is

have on you?

He needs me

He needs you

Who needs who?

I need you

It's time to get away from him, Steve

I'll do it tomorrow when I get there

if

You will marry me

Marry me

Absolutely vital:

The ability to blend in

To very discreetly assimilate

It's not usually very difficult

All you have to do is look around

see how all the ordinary people
are behaving

and try to behave like one of them

You know, when I was in L A

it seemed like such a lonely town

Everybody's driving in their cars,
nobody talks to each other

I don't really know,
to tell you the truth

about that

So where are you from?

Originally?

Minnesota

Minnesota

I've never been there

Do you go back there much?

You still have family there?

We're not really in touch

So

What are you doing in L A?

Oh, I was there twice

Once when I was little

I was there with my aunt and uncle

I was raised by my aunt and uncle
They adopted me

Then last year I was there skydiving

Skydiving?

Why do you do that?

Because I love it

It's the most amazing
thing in the world

Aren't you afraid you'll die
or something?

I know what you need

Try again

Take your time now
Really set yourself

Remember to bend your elbows a little

A little less

Keep the right arm straight
with the left elbow

Check your aim again

Then whenever you're ready

You do this all the time?

Whenever I can

I find it deeply satisfying

Nice

You try again

Take your time

Don't be afraid It's safe

just as long as you're careful
It's all about

staying relaxed

Sorry

It's okay

Just relax

Bend this a little

Keep this straight

Hips back a little

Lean into it

Commit to it

Check your aim again

Relax

and fire

There you go

Doesn't that feel good?

- Want to try the shotgun?
- Sure

You want to stay at my place tonight?

I mean, you don't have to
But the couch folds out

I just thought it'd be silly
to go to my place

then you'd have to drive across town
to some crummy old motel

That'd be great

Good

I'll even give you a receipt
You can write it off

You know my motto:

Always save the receipt

You slept at her house?

She thought it'd be easier

than driving back to the motel

I can't believe you slept at her house

I can't believe,
with all that time with her

I couldn't tell more
what was going on in her head

I couldn't tell what she
was thinking

That's usually how it is
in the beginning

Maybe I'll be able to see more
tonight at dinner

You're taking her to dinner

What was I going to say, no?

You got anymore on Kragen Vincent?

There's one serving time
at the State Penitentiary

A life sentence
Prison records didn't say what for

We better go find out Anything else?

What is it?

Nothing

You the officer in charge of records?

I'm him Lieutenant Earl Hagans

- Steve Arlo Can I come in?
- What is this regarding?

I work for a private

The Department does not share records
with P I S except by court order

I assume that you do not have
a court order

I work for a private detective
named Daryl Zero

Murder One, in 1972 Single count

And guess what the victim's name is

Let me guess

I don't mean really guess
No way you could actually guess

Clarissa

Yeah Clarissa Devereau

Of 'plummeting birds' fame

Seems likely, doesn't it?

Very likely

Two shots, one to the head,
one to the torso, execution style

In her motel room

Sounds professional

Except he made a complete mess
A ton of evidence, prints on everything

I got crime scene photos

Remember the case of the hired gun
who made way, way too many mistakes?

It's a lot like that They pick him up,
try him, give him life, no parole

They think he works for someone
but he won't talk

even when they offer him a deal

And Clarissa has quite
an arrest record for a young girl

Mostly political, New York and Boston

Disturbing the peace,
public indecency

breaking and entering

Regular firecracker

Regular 'plummeting bird '

And Vincent's still in jail?

No He was moved for medical reasons
a couple years ago

Kragen is her father

She was raised by his sister
because he was in prison

She blames Stark
for ruining her father's life

Stark hired Vincent to kill Clarissa

for some reason

Vincent got caught, spent his life
in prison Now he's dying

this slow, painful death

She's watched her father's life
drip away and she's getting even

She has something,
some evidence or something

that ties Stark to the murder

I got to figure out what it is
and where she's keeping it

Take me to the scene of the crime

It's right up here

Ready? 1, 2, 3

The bed we just moved
is a full-size bed

In 1972, there was no size
called full

They had doubles and queens

The full was invented
to combine the width of a queen

with the space-efficient
length of a double

and eventually replaced the double
in North America and Europe

except for Quebec and Sweden

The bed in the picture

is not a double

It's too long It's not a full
It wasn't invented

It is a queen

Which means that that bed then
was longer than this bed

now

So sometime in the last 30 years,
somebody must have replaced the bed

Hear that?

Secret room?

It's a pipe There once was a radiant
water heater right there

Kragen bursts into the room

Her body was found face up She must've
been facing him, probably standing

close to where you are now

Right away, before she could scream,
she's down

she's dead, it's over

The only question is,
once she was dead

why didn't he get out of there?

Instead he proceeds
to touch the dresser, the sink

the doorknob and the nightstand

What does the bed have to do with it?

In 1972, it was against code

to have a hotel bed
2 feet from a door that opens inwards

7 feet from a fish tank

or a lava lamp

or 3 feet from a radiant

heater

Imagine if you will,
a bed longer than this one

and a heater over here

Wouldn't clear 2 feet

much less 3 And no inspector
would let that pass

Which means?

Which means

lKragen may have moved the bed

I see So you're proposing

that he busts in the room

sees her standing there,
shoots her twice

moves the bed

Something like that

Why would anybody do that?

Hello I don't know

I'm trying to figure out some physical
evidence that Kragen might have taken

that he gave to his daughter
so that she could blackmail Stark

I'm trying to figure out what is absent

Something happened in here Something
involving his touching the dresser

touching the sink, touching the
doorknob, touching the nightstand

and probably

moving the bed

Probably?

Somebody else could have moved it

Come on There were only
two of them Him and her

Exactly

You need to talk to Stark

We got a few questions for him

I had a feeling you two
would be a good match

I'm good at reading people

Thank you

Do you want my opinion?

You should try to hold onto him

How often do you meet a wealthy single
architect from Los Angeles?

Daisy, he's an accountant

Are you sure?

He's here for their convention
That's why I asked him to do my taxes

I swear I thought he said
he was an architect

Question:

- Sorry to startle you
- Jesus

How do you pronounce
the word t-o-w-a-r-d-s?

You nearly gave me a heart attack

I had to contact you right away

What do you need?

I must ask you some things
Just drive

Fasten your seat belt

First of all, how do you pronounce
the word t-o-w-a-r-d-s?

Towards?

And things that have wings and fly?

You mean birds?

That's right They don't rhyme

What?

Never mind

The other thing was,
why did you kill Clarissa?

I met her my sophomore year
I was 19

and she was 25, I think

From New York, living in Cambridge

I met her at a demonstration

I have never seen anybody like her

She let me walk her home and she
kissed me for the first and only time

You can skip right to the part
where you decide to kill her

Watch yourself, Arlo

Please describe the circumstances
surrounding your contracting her murder

After that first night, I was hooked

I was like an addict

Finally, she didn't want
to see me anymore

I guess I got a little obsessive

My last year of graduate school
I met my wife

And after I graduated, we moved
back here, we got married

and I went to work
with my dad at the company

And I had all but forgotten about

Clarissa

Then, in 1972,
we'd been back about a year

I got a letter from her

She was here in Portland

The letter was

a threatening letter

What was it?

I don't think that makes
a thread of difference

What did the letter say?

She was accusing me of something

Rape

Did she want money?

No, she wanted to ruin my life

I knew no jury'd convict me
I was convinced of that

But I couldn't take this
kind of publicity, nor could my family

I saw

my whole future flash before my eyes

So you hired Kragen Vincent

He said that for $5,000

he could solve my problem

And that's all I know
about the subject, officer

So what's in the safe deposit box?

A tape

A tape he made of our meeting
Audio tape

My hiring him

our names as clear as day

Why didn't you just destroy it

years ago?

Because I don't know where it is

Go on

About a week after he gets caught

a man comes to my house
in the middle of the night

and tells me that Kragen expects me
to bankroll his defense

though a middleman, obviously

And he also

wanted money for his family

Then he played me a copy of this tape

and said if I refused he would
turn the tape over to the police

He then gave me

a key to

a safe deposit box

Said at the end of 25 years

when Kragen got out
or if he should die

I would be given
the location of the box

In the meantime

l'm to hang onto this key

with no lock and our friend
would hang onto his lock with no key

What would you do if someone was
threatening you like that

or blackmailing you like this?
What do you do?

I don't know

It's never come up

Imagine it

Imagine some

opportunistic

piece of birdshit

has got a way to compromise you

What do you do about it? You can't
buy silence You can only rent it

If somebody has something on you,
they'll always have it

So the cost has no ceiling

and the fear has no end

That's why

some knowledge, some information

is like a terminal disease

It's

contagious

and it's fatal

Passion is the enemy of precision

Forget the misnomer 'crime of passion '

All crime is passionate It's passion
that moves the criminal to act

that disrupts the static inertia
of morality

The client's passion for this dead
woman had facilitated his downfall

And the blackmailer's passion

would facilitate hers

When you live with no passion

other people's passions
come into glaring relief

Bullshit, bullshit

bullshit

Jesus Would you stop it?

Stop it

Jesus

Control yourself, all right?

Control myself?

This is fucking bullshit

Haven't I been good to you?
Haven't I been fucking incredibly

mindblowingly, fuckingly, divinely
generous as a fucking saint

you ungrateful fuck

Hey, watch it

all right?

Ungrateful fuck

Shut up

Why?

I told you why
I cannot live like this anymore

I can't do it to Jess
I can't do it to myself

and I'm sick and tired of working
for the Starks of the world

the lowest scum of the earth, buying
their way out of their own messes

These people are victims of plots
and they need our help

This guy is a murderer-at-large
who needs our help

Their business equals their business

We're not involved
It has nothing to do

with us

Do you believe that?

We're the good guys

What are you talking about?

There aren't any good guys

You realize that, don't you?

You realize there aren't evil guys
and innocent guys

It's just a bunch of guys

What am I supposed to do?

Just start taking meetings with people?

Just start talking with people?

Maybe

Fuck that

You know, you'll figure it out

I mean

you're probably the best

Excuse me?

Excuse me You are the best

I'm telling you that after this case

l'm finished

I meant

what am I supposed to do

without you?

You want my honest opinion?

You should take all this money
that you've made

and move to Europe

Meet a girl

See the world Really see the world
Don't observe it See what it's like

What do you know?

I'm the greatest private investigator

in the world

I'll go check for safe deposit boxes
under the name Kragen Vincent

I don't know if that's necessary

What Clearburg probably
meant when he says

there's no boxer with the name
Kragen Vincent

is that there's no boxes

with the name Kragen Vincent
I think it's a typo

Right Right

He probably used a different name

That's what I think

Well, then

l'll go get a beer
with my friend Bill

I said, I think

But you should go and check
just to make sure

Fine

But I really hope that you've heard me

Sorry to startle you

What are you doing here?

I followed you

Back at my car,
this was on the windshield

Another payment,
due tomorrow morning

You sure you weren't followed?

I wasn't

I told you how to contact me

You should not have come here

Is he in there?

If I walked in there now,
would Mr Zero be happy to meet me?

Go home

Right now Make the payment tomorrow
We're very, very close

I'm sick of cooperating

It used to be 2 or 3 weeks Now it's
every two days Why so close together?

Maybe he's nervous Maybe he wants
to kill me I should carry a weapon

No, you shouldn't

Look, just don't panic

all right?

How dedicated are you, really?

Your timing's impeccable

- How do you mean?
- Never mind

Maybe you've got some ambition
of your own Maybe you want

to have your own firm

You got me pegged That's all I want
is to someday be Daryl Zero

I'll give you $ 1 million
if you sell out your boss

Just turn over your suspect

Name and address

$ 2 million

for a name and an address

Cash
We can go to the bank right now

You'd give me $ 2 million so you
don't have to do this thing tomorrow?

I'm willing to give you $5 million

How much does he pay you?

$5 million

so you can kill someone right away
instead of a day later

For $5 million

you do it

- What if I walked in right now
- He's not in there

What if I want to find out myself?

What would happen?

I'll shoot you

Really I will

I have a gun and everything

You're threatening me?

I'm threatening to kill you

What?

Right before you jump off the plane

you stand there
with all the equipment on

You know what to do,
you can't wait

Is there a time when you think:

"What if it doesn't open? What if this
is the last thing I ever do?"

You're really stuck
on the skydiving thing

I'm stuck on what it is that makes you
do very dangerous things

Even dangerous things
can be safe if you're careful

There's such a thing as
knowing the odds

Quitting while you're ahead

Quitting before you're dead

You know, you, me

anyone could walk out here and
get killed by some drunk in a pickup

I could slip in the shower
and break my neck

When your number's up it's up

There's no sense to it
There's no justice

Innocent people suffer

and murderers get away with it

So when my number's up,
whether I'm walking down the street

or doing something else

that will be that

And until then, I'm just going to do
what I need to do

What is it you need to do?

I need

to try to feel right

Can I get you anything else?

No, I think that's it

Do you need anything?

I'm okay

I'll take the check

You got it Be right back

When I was a little girl

I used to hope that someday
I'd grow up to look like that waitress

My mother had hair like that

My natural mother

Really?

God, I forgot how that works
Wait a minute

Can a person be considered
physical evidence? Like in a rape case?

You mean if the guy
doesn't know about the kid?

I think so

We think so Why?

You mean

She is the evidence

She's not Kragen's daughter

She's Stark's daughter

I must admit, I like this place

What?

You said that you don't
speak to your family

Why not?

I realize I'm prying

but what can I say? I'm prying

I want to know about you

Just look me in the eyes and talk to me

All right

My father was

an evil, abusive man

And he killed my mother

when she was sleeping

And then

he slit his wrists

when I was

13

I don't talk about that

much

I used to when it happened

and then one day I woke up

and

I don't know

Everything was different

How about that?

What doesn't kill you defines you

I don't believe in
an interventionist God

But I know darling

that you do

But if I did

I would kneel down and ask Him

Not to intervene

when it came to you

Or not to touch a hair in your head

Leave you as you are

If he felt he had to direct you

Then direct you into my arms

Sometimes what you're looking
for is right in front of your nose

That's what I've always said

You just going to stand there watching
or you going to do something about it?

And I don't believe
in the existence of angels

But looking at you

I wonder if that's true

But if I did

I would summon them together

And ask them to watch over you

I got to get going

So I'll see you around 6:00
at my place

As soon as I'm done with my meetings

Good

Bye

At this point, you will receive
a final message on the pager

Get on the corresponding bus
and take it to the end of the line

Find the nearby bank of outhouses

In center unit, find pair
of blue plastic garbage bags

Make your deposit as usual

When you have done this
get back on the bus

Do not hesitate Do not deviate
from the designated course

You'll be monitored
at every interval

We are prepared to act

The words were similar but there was
a new component this time:

Desperation

When you spend enough time around
the chemistry of desperation

you come to recognize the smell

One desperate element is combustible

More than one desperate element
is lethal

Shit

Call 911 Hurry up

All right

Are you okay?

Do you know your name?

Who are you?

That's right, sir Who are you?
You know?

- What happened?
- Cardiac arrest

Are you a doctor?

What's the name on that box, sir?

The name is Stark

Gloria Stark

According to our records, nobody's
been to that box for more than 20 years

She lost the key

Her father had it

Hi, it's Gloria I'll call you back

Are you there?

I'm here

I'm about to get on a plane
and be gone forever

I think that's a mistake

Yeah, I don't see any choice

What if I come find you?

You're so sure that you could?

Thai Air Flight 214
Direct to Bangkok

Departs in half an hour

Okay, it's over

You figured me out

Nobody else got close

You know, he doesn't know about you

He doesn't know he has a child

I know

She never told him

She wanted him to deny
that he'd even touched her

Then at the last minute, surprise
Look who's a daddy

And a rapist And a murderer

He hires Kragen Vincent

Kragen decides to hit her
in her motel room late at night

He comes in the room

shoots her twice

But he doesn't realize that you,
less than a year old, are in the room

He doesn't see you at first,
because you're in a crawl space

she's made for you by pulling the
corner of the bed closer to the wall

And even with the silencer on the gun,
and it all happening so quickly

you start crying

He's got to do something
You're screaming your lungs out now

So he picks you up
You stop crying

And once he's got the baby

it's a done deal

There he is

holding the infant

That's when he decides

he'd rather risk it all

He'd rather risk life in prison
than leave you in that room

To protect you from Stark,
he gets rid of all the evidence

Diapers, diaper bag

bottles, blankets

something on the dresser,
something in the sink

something hanging off a doorknob

something on the nightstand

And then he leaves his prints
everywhere

He leaves the body, takes the baby
and hauls ass out of there

because he knows he's got to
get you to his sister

You grow up thinking
Vincent is your father

and you're being raised
by your aunt and uncle

And then

Vincent comes clean

He told me what happened,
but he would never tell me who it was

And then about

a year ago, I figured that out
Mr Stark

So then you start writing letters

Stark pays and the rest is history

You got the whole thing

You win

You saved his life this morning

I know

I guess a person
can't escape their nature

How did you know

about me?

Couple of things

And the receipt last night

I know

I forgot to take it

"Passion is the enemy of precision"

I got sloppy

Are you going
to come looking for me?

Will you tell him about me so he can
have somebody kill me? Because he will

I know

So what are we going to do about this?

There's a man sitting on a bench
behind you

Oh, God

It's okay

Relax

He has an envelope

Inside are some fake identification
and some plane tickets

First Ecuador,
and then wherever you want

Keep moving, first couple of months

Stay out of westernized countries
for a while

Don't carry too much cash on your body

Give incorrect information

everywhere

And never use your real name

Thank you

Thank you

If you knew I was here

why didn't you come yourself?

I'm not sure

I knew you'd be there

but I'd hoped you'd be here

You know, you could join me

A person can't escape

their nature

That's what I thought

You're the best I've ever seen

So are you

I've never said the words before

to anyone

You don't have to

I love you too

Daryl Zero

So ends my account
of the case that I have named

"The Case of the Man Who Got So
Stressed-Out Over His Lost Keys

That He Eventually Had
a Heart Attack

And It Turned Out
They Were in the Sofa All Along"

I returned the first installment
of my fee

as I had not given
a complete explanation

Some questions are for answering

others are better left
to torture and torment

for all eternity

A nagging itch
for the rest of his life

seemed reasonable, especially since
I did solve his problem

He got the tape he'd been waiting for
for so long

He wouldn't be throwing anymore
money down the toilet

And I gave back his keys

This did, in fact, prove to be
my final work experience

with my longtime associate

though I have assured him
that when he someday finds

that he cannot live without me

his position will again
be available to him

He thanked me and suggested
that I not hold my breath

I also attended the funeral
of the hit man

who died not long after
these events described above

For some reason, I felt
a certain kinship with this man

whose life was forever changed
after he failed to remain objective

about the lady blackmailer

Which brings me
to the other participant

I never made any attempt to find her

But if my suspicion is correct, she's
flying through the sky as we speak

"plummeting towards the earth
like a falling bird"

to quote one of my favorite poets

After investigating her, I found myself
in better shape than ever before

To me, she will always be a singular,
unforgettable event:

The only time I ever took leave
of my objectivity

Perhaps the most able blackmailer
of her time, she was at once

the worthiest opponent
and the greatest ally

And the only woman I have ever

The only woman

Period

And though I never would have
have anticipated it

in the end she did for me
what I have done for so many

Helped solve a problem,
first by observation

then by careful intervention

In other words: