All language subtitles for King of the Hill s04e08 Not in My Back Hoe.eng

[THEME MUSIC]

[TENSE DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[HONKING]

[HONKING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Yeah.

Yahoo, buddy!

BILL:
That is one right here.

DALE: She is power.
Enormous yellow power.

I feel like my whole life's been leading
to this day.

So let's see how you guys did.

BILL: It's the biggest
septic tank they had.

BILL: They sold one just like it
to a bowling alley in Austin.

The guy tried to put us
in a little home unit.

- I told him, "You don't know Bill."
- Yeah, that's what he said.

HANK: It's a shame we have to put her
in the ground.

[SIGHING] I should have hit the old tank
by now, Bill.

Are you sure you
surveyed it precisely?

[FALTERING]
Sure.

[STAMMERING]
I mean, that's my recollection.

There, that's where it is.

My mistake. Sorry.

Maybe the tank's in the front.
I don't know.

[HANK SIGHS]

You just killed your whole back lawn,
a perfectly innocent lawn.

Okay, big shot. Where's your tank?

Side lawn, 8 feet out,
9 feet 7 inches from the pavement.

Side lawn.
Mine's on the side lawn, too.

[SIGHS] Bill, you can't just mark it
where you think it might be.

- That's not real marking.
- The flag is in.

DALE: I am the hoe master.
Hear me hoe.

Dale, no!

HANK:
Dale, put on the brake!

DALE:
Mayday!

[EXCLAIMS]

Hank.

Hank, you were right
about it being complicated,

but wrong to make me
want to try it so badly.

BILL:
Where are you going?

HANK: To buy "L" pipes
for the septic tank.

- Road trip.
- You're staying here.

- Can I come?
- No.

BILL:
I'll stay in the truck.

He's right. I never would
have stayed in the truck.

No, that's a straight pipe.
I'm looking for an "L pipe.

"L's" are straight.

Lower case maybe, but...

Okay, fine. I'm looking
for a capital "L" pipe.

It bends at a right angle.

Pipes don't bend.
All pipes are straight.

All pipes can't be straight.
If they were, your department store

wouldn't be selling those "U" pipes
right behind your shoulder.

- SALESMAN: Those aren't pipes.
- HANK [SIGHS]: Wait a minute.

There has to be more
than one size drill bit.

There are different size holes.
How do you think that happens?

HAL:
What the...

- Nice truck.
- Does the job, then some.

HANK: Did you get the recall notice
about the belts?

- HAL: Back in '94?
- HANK: Yep.

HAL:
Got it.

HAL: So, picked up
some kind of "L" pipe?

Yep, 2.25 inch.

- HAL: Septic?
- HANK: Yeah.

It's my neighbor's.
We rented a loader backhoe for the job.

- I hear Mason's got a new design.
- That's what I rented.

Well, then I won't keep you.

[GENTLE COUNTRY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

So then my professor says to me
that I have the greatest potential...

of any junior college student
that he's ever seen.

And then he asked me to dinner
to talk about it some more, and drinks!

Dinner and drinks?

Luanne, honey,
I'm so proud of you.

- Well, what are you smiling about?
- Well, I met a guy.

At the Mega Lo Mart.

We have the same truck,
same year, same color.

Smart guy, too. He knew
what an "L" pipe was for. It was nice.

- Are you gonna see him again?
- I don't know.

You know, just a one-time thing
with a guy in a parking lot. That's all.

Hey, "L" pipe. How you doing?

You filling up with Super?

- Regular.
- Just kidding.

[SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[CAR HONKING]

You got someplace you need to be,
or maybe you wanna grab a beer?

- Imported?
- What? No, domestic.

Imported. I gotta watch you.

[BLUES-ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

You know, Peggy,
we're having the best time.

No, we didn't talk about that.

No, he didn't mention it.

That didn't come up, either.
Look, I'll be home later.

[BLUES-ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES]

DALE:
More, more, more.

- Is it open?
- Almost. Try again.

What are you doing?

HANK:
Get out of there.

Did you stop to think that maybe
the backhoe wasn't the best tool

- for opening up a beer can?
- Yeah, Hank, I did.

Oh, man!

Hank did it.

[HANK SIGHS]

What would you guys think if
someone had a beer with us out here?

Like someone just wanders over,
like a stranger?

No, this guy I know. Good guy.

It's a big alley.

[HONKING]

Hank sure does seem excited.

- Hal, this is Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer.
- Hey, fellas.

Look, Hank told me
about your situation.

I was thinking
you could use a metal detector

to trace the pipes back to your tank.

A metal detector?

The detector would go off constantly

due to the high levels
of extraterrestrial alloy in our soil,

which acts as a homing beacon
to the Martian capital of...

[MAKING GUTTURAL NOISES]

City.

[LAUGHS SHEEPISHLY]

Yeah. That's a good joke, Dale.

Dale sure can tell a joke.

On the way over,
I passed this huge track hoe, 14-tonner.

What do you say
we go check her out?

Sorry, but we've got
business to transact.

I'll go.

[SOMBER INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[TRUCK DOORS SHUT]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING SOFTLY]

Hank's gonna come back...

- now.
- Nope.

Now.

Nope.

Man, this is dang old pathetic.

Got better things to do
than sit around

talking about old Jenny
getting that sheriff, man, old... Later.

I'm surprised Boomhauer stayed
as long as he did.

- HANK: All right, then.
- HAL [SIGHING]: Yep.

[BEER CANS RATTLING]

[GROANS]

What are you guys doing?

So you care what we're doing,
do you?

He doesn't care.

You said you'd be back in a minute.

We waited a minute,
then we waited another.

Then after about a million minutes,
I forgot why I was counting.

What's the big deal?

You don't get upset
when I come home late from work.

One: We get very upset
when you work late.

And, two: You were out with him.

Didn't you think Peggy
might be worried,

- you being gone so long?
- I called her.

Yeah, well...

[TENSE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

- We're being phased out.
- Out.

[BOBBY YELLS IN PAIN]

Do not watch the eyes, Bobby.
The eyes cannot be trusted.

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice--

Hey, Peggy.

Hal just took me to this store
that only sells fireplace hardware.

Fireplace hardware?

Boomhauer must have been
in hog heaven.

Well, I didn't really
invite Boomhauer,

or Bill, or Dale, for that matter.

Mom!

What? Part of the fun with Hal
is doing new stuff with someone new.

And if the guys can't handle that,
that's why I don't tell them.

- Hank.
- Hal.

So, where's that bait-and-tackle shop
you won't shut up about?

False alarm, Hank. Went last night.
They didn't know a floater from a sinker.

You wanna see a great new store,

make a left at the light,
then out to McMaynerbury.

Sport shop that spins around.
Used to be a restaurant.

[SUSPENSEFUL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

- 10:15. Hank picks up Hal.
- What?

[TAPE REWINDING]

DALE [ON TAPE]:
10:15. Hank picks up Hal.

BILL [ON TAPE]:
What?

I said, "10:15. Hank picks up Hal."

BILL [GASPING]:
Hank and Hal I see.

So, this guy is trying to fill
a service tank,

and the drip-lip vent
is in the 6:00 position.

- Instead of 12:00?
- Exactly.

- You sure you never worked in propane?
- Hobby. That's all.

DALE:
I'm losing him, slowly.

[SINGING]
? And the night got deathly quiet ?

? And his face lost all expression ?

? Said, "If you're gonna
Play the game, boy ?

? You gotta learn to play it right" ?

[SINGING]
? "You got to know when to hold 'em" ?

? When to hold 'em ?

? I was a highwayman ?

? Along the coach roads I did ride ?

? With sword and pistol by my side ?

BILL:
Sing it, brother!

[GROANING]

What's that? There, over there!

DALE:
Hey.

[TENSE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Dale, Bill.

Dale, Bill.

Boy, I tell you,
your tank's as big as a school bus.

Laid in pretty nicely, all the same.

All I see is trespassing.

- Hank.
- Hal.

That was our project.

You should be thanking me.

Hal worked that backhoe so fast,
we'll save a couple of days' rental.

And with the money you saved,
you can buy your friend Hal a dozen roses.

Now you're buying him roses?

That's it, Hank. It's us or him.

[SIGHS]
You can't make me choose.

- Us or him.
- All right. Him.

"Him" means Hal, you know.
That's the way we phrased the question.

[SIGHS]

[TENSE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

You know where I think we went wrong?
Making him choose.

Where we went wrong
is not staying with that backhoe.

Whoever controls the backhoe,
controls Hank.

- You think?
- Yes, I do think.

As long as we're,
for lack of a better word,

"incompetent" with the backhoe,
we will be Hankless.

I know a place we can practice.
The Army's got an old minefield.

No one's ever there.

Don't be insane, Bill.
We'll never get past security.

But I know an abandoned pet cemetery
with our names on it.

- Nice hole, Bill.
- Thank you.

- May I?
- Please.

Nickel says
I can pick that dandelion over there,

bring it back here, blow on it,
and make a wish.

- DALE: Come on.
- BILL: Come on, honey pie!

Come on, baby.

BILL: Come on, sweetie.
Come on, baby.

- Bill, shift your weight. Lean forward.
- All right.

[BILL GRUNTING]

[DALE GROANS]

[BOTH YELLING]

[BOTH MOANING]

Maybe we could
hold onto that tree branch

and swing out of the hole
like a monkey in the jungle.

Help!

Someone, help!

Oh, forget it. No one can hear us.
Or if they can, they don't care.

You're lucky. You're in the Army.

You've got a tracking device in your teeth.
They'll find you.

- I'll tell them where you are.
- You're good people.

Hal, it's Hank. Beer?

Sure. Well, no, that won't work.

My wife will have dinner ready in an hour,
and you're over 20 minutes away.

Yeah, next time.

[SIGHS]

So, Bobby, it's been a while
since we've had a shoeshine party.

I'll get my box.

Hank, you don't really wanna
watch Bobby shine your shoes.

Honey, why don't you go out into the alley
and have a beer with the guys?

All right. What about Bobby?

PEGGY [LAUGHING]:
It is spa-Peggy and meatballs night.

You do not have to worry about Bobby.

[SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

- Boomhauer.
- Yo, Hank.

Yep.

Yep.

Used to be a lot more lively around here.

Yep.

So, got any big dates?

Man, leave me alone!
I don't talk about that old question.

Questions, questions, questions.
Like my dang old mother, man:

[SHRILLY] "Boomhauer, when you gonna
get married, make me a grandmother?"

[BOOMHAUER MUMBLING]

[SUSPENSEFUL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[DALE GASPS]

An exterminator in a pet cemetery.

I have many enemies here.

[BILL WHIMPERING]

Took me about
17 minutes to get here.

[SCOFFS]

Took me 18.

Maybe tomorrow we can meet...
I don't know.

That Exxon over there,
that ought to even things out.

I don't know.
I only get a 45-minute lunch hour.

Let's try getting together tonight.

I don't know. By the time I get home
from Strickland Propane,

and come down from the day--

- Let's shoot for next Saturday.
- Yeah.

[GROANS]

No, Saturday's
Bobby's football game

and he really likes me
to watch it with him.

[EXCLAIMS THOUGHTFULLY]

[GRUNTS]

[EXCLAIMS THOUGHTFULLY]

I guess this is it, then.

Yeah.

Well...

You take care of that truck of yours.

[SLOW COUNTRY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[HONKING]

[POPULAR COUNTRY SONG PLAYING ON RADIO]

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

I'm gonna miss that crazy bastard.

[SCREECHING]

DALE:
We invested all that time

and effort, maybe, in Hank,

and he has forsaken us.

Everything forsakes me.

I mean, sometimes I think I should...

just stop putting myself out there.

We don't need Hank.

We are two beta males
at the top of our game.

And you didn't mention
that we're lovable,

- and that I've got a lot of love to give.
- I know.

How's the market been treating you, sir?
I took a pretty big hit today.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

BOBBY:
I got worries.

Where's my backhoe, Hank?

How are you?
You wanna come in, have a beer?

I want my backhoe.

It wasn't returned by Dale Gribble
or Bill Dauterive?

No.

I saw them drive off on joyride
with backhoe.

You mean they missing?

Minh!

Yeah, hey, Minh!

Two down, two to go!

[PENSIVE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[TENSE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[PENSIVE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES]

[GASPS]

DALE: There's gotta be something to eat
in that box.

BILL:
Okay, you got it.

Looks like a fun project.

It is none of your business.

We were just on our lunch break,
which is over.

So if you do not mind,
we will be getting back to work.

That's better. That's good.
Did you see it move?

All right. I'll get out of your hair.
But before I go, I am curious.

What's the best way
of driving out of that hole?

You guys have more experience
with this machine than me.

What do you think? Would it be better
to widen the hole beyond the tree,

then extend the boom, plant the bucket,
let out the outriggers,

- then release and re-plant the bucket--
- Wait, wait.

We'll humor your little experiment,
but you'll have to slow down.

On your left there,
pull the extender as far back--

Left, is it?

Yeah, the lever closest to me.

Take that in your hand.

Good.

HANK: Little more.
Keep going. Good!

[BILL GROANING]

My legs.

You haven't moved
in about 50 hours.

Thanks, but no thanks, Hal's friend.

Where is Hal?

Huh, Hank?

- Hal's gone.
- Yep.

All right, let's go.

You think you can ignore me
for two days

and then act like nothing happened?

[SIGHS]
All right, look.

You guys are something
Hal will never be:

my neighbors.

Apology accepted.

[BILL BLOWING HIS NOSE]

[SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[BILL GROANING]

BILL: Friendship
is our country's sweetest wine.

HANK:
All right, you're very delirious.

So, I was thinking,
on the backhoe rental,

your friend Hal should chip in.

DALE:
I mean, he used it, too.

HANK:
I can put you back in the ground.

[THEME MUSIC]

[DALE MAKING GUTTURAL NOISES]

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