All language subtitles for King of the Hill s04e06 A Beer Can Named Desire.eng

[THEME MUSIC]

Did you win?

That's what I call losing the battle,
but winning the war.

Hurry up, Hank. Finish your beer.
It could be the winning Alamo Beer can.

The odds of winning that contest
are 1-in-1,000,000.

Yeah, if you only drink one beer.

[SLURPING]

[SIGHS]

Imagine, Hank.
A trip to New Orleans,

a chance to meet
"Dandy" Don Meredith

and win one of those really
big cardboard checks.

"Sorry. Please drink another beer."

They ask nicely.

"Sorry. Please drink another beer."

[BILL BELCHING]

That made some room.

I think I'm gonna call it a night.

Pour it on the ground.
See if you won.

I have never poured out beer,
even to put out a grass fire.

[LIGHT COUNTRY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

- LUANNE: Hey, Uncle Hank.
- HANK: Luanne.

[LIGHT COUNTRY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
CONTINUES]

[SLURPING]

[SIGHS]

[SCREAMS DELIGHTEDLY]

First of all, you didn't win anything.

I won $1 million.

No, the contest gives
the winner the right

to go to the Dallas Cowboys-
New Orleans Saints game

and throw a football
through a small hole

in a large beer can for $1 million.

Or have Dallas Cowboys legend
Don Meredith throw it to win $100,000.

If you'd read the point-of-purchase display
at 7-Eleven, you'd know that.

Okay. So I throw the ball
through the hole and then I win.

No, I paid for that beer.
So it's mine.

Let's just say it is your beer.
How old are you?

Nineteen-and-a-half.

Exactly. If you tried
to claim your prize,

you'd be incarcerated
for underage drinking.

So, if it's your beer,
you'd get to go to jail.

Now, if it's my beer, you get to come
to New Orleans with us.

- Your call.
- New Orleans!

[GIGGLES EXCITEDLY]

So, Hank, what are you gonna do
with the $100,000?

Course, you could go
for the $1 million.

[DALE, BILL, AND BOOMHAUER LAUGHING]

I don't think a civilian's ever made it.

A 10-yard pass through a 1-foot hole,
people screaming in the stands.

- BILL: Thank God for Don Meredith.
- DALE: Thank you, God.

It's like they're paying us $100,000
to meet Don Meredith.

Something I would have done for free.

That money could pay for Bobby's college,
and a mini-fridge for his dorm room.

You know, we could buy all sorts
of higher education

- and appliances with $1 million.
- What?

Are you really thinking
of taking that throw yourself?

What would you think
if I was thinking that?

Honey, if you are willing to give up
a sure thing and go for the million,

you've got more frijoles
than any man I've ever known.

[HANK MOANS]

[COUNTRY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[COUNTRY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES]

DALE:
What you doing, Hank?

I'm just seeing what it's gonna be like
for Don Meredith at the Superdome.

How about I come with?

I've always wanted to eat fried dough
in the most corrupt city on earth.

That's nice and all,
but you don't have to bother.

It's no bother. You can drive us,
and we'll stay in your hotel room.

I guess we could--

Wingo, men!
We're going to "Nahlens"!

You know, I'll come with, too.

The Dauterives
are from Louisiana.

I lived in the Bayou
till I was six years old.

My Aunt Esme still lives there.
You think we could look her up?

Dang it, I know we can. I planned out
the route to New Orleans very carefully.

There is plenty of time for a side trip.

Bill, I didn't know you grew up
in Cajun country, and I don't care.

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS IN SATISFACTION]

[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

And how is my man
with the golden arm?

HANK:
Call the bank.

Make sure they have room
in our account for $1 million.

You're gonna go for it?

- PEGGY: Oh, Hank.
- HANK: Yeah.

Well, I made 42 out of 50.

Would have made 43 but I used a throw
to drop a blue jay at 20 feet

- before he could poop on your car.
- You're that good.

I guess you could say
my aim is deadly.

[CHUCKLING]

That blue jay is fine, though.

[CLERK SPEAKING CAJUN FRENCH]

[LAUGHING]

He's speaking some kind of French.

Let me handle this. I speak Spanish.
It's the same thing.

[SPEAKING BROKEN SPANISH]

He wants a tip.

[SPEAKING CAJUN FRENCH]

I had no idea that you spoke Cajun.

Perhaps that's because
I try not to ask you questions.

I had no idea either.

[SPEAKING CAJUN FRENCH]

Good Lord. I always figured
your family lived in a tarpaper shack.

Nope.

[LIGHT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[ALL EXCLAIMING IN DELIGHT]

[ESME GASPS]

[EXCLAIMS FONDLY]

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

Who are you?
Answers in the form of English, please.

I am Jobaire Fontaine
Delatur Dauterive,

the man of the house.

Dale Gribble.

I am Rose, the youngest.

Oh, yeah.

I am Lilly, the youngest looking.

You're terrible.
I am Violetta, the pretty one.

You are a garden of women.

And you are the Guillaume
we've heard so much about.

The last remaining Dauterive male or,
should I say--

Don't bother.

[LIGHT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[GRUNTING]

[CHUCKLES IN SURPRISE]

- You kind of snuck up on me there.
- I'm terribly sorry.

I've always been a creeper.

Violetta says I creep
like the kudzu vines

that are slowly,
but surely strangling our Dixie.

[EXCLAIMS]

What fascinating thing
are you all doing?

I'm gonna be throwing
at a target about yea big

at the Cowboys-Saints game.

If I make it, I win $1 million.

Golden Richards
was a Dallas Cowboy.

Yeah, he caught a touchdown pass
in Super Bowl XII.

He was a beautiful man.
I knew him briefly.

[HANK GRUNTS EMBARRASSEDLY]

ESME:
My husband, Alfonse Dauterive,

- Guillaume's uncle by blood.
- When did he pass?

He lingers in a room
in the back of the house,

hanging on by the thread of a hope
he'll see the Dauterive name

passed on to another generation.

Does Guillaume have any sons?

No. Bill is unhappily divorced
and without child.

[ESME SIGHS]

Pity. The Dauterive blood
is down to a trickle.

My two sons and my son-in-law,
Jirac, Renee, and Emeril

died of arteriosclerosis in their 20s,

leaving three desperate childless widows
to wander this house.

They are strings on a harp

stretched far too taut.

If they are not strummed soon,
I'm afraid...

[CHUCKLES MISCHIEVOUSLY]

They really need to be strummed.

This is right out of Shakespeare.

ROSE:
This is my husband Jirac.

The Louisiana diet will kill a man
as surely as a sword.

[BILL STAMMERING]

- You're not married?
- I'm all alone in this world, Guillaume.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

[BOTH MOANING]

[ROSE GASPS]

[GROANS]

[TRIANGLE CHIMING]

Rose? Rose?

Hello, Lilly. That was pretty.

Was that a song or is it suppertime?

My late husband Renee and I
used to make music together.

Now they're only notes.

[BILL HUMMING]

- [CRYING] You play beautifully.
- I'm as surprised as you are.

[BILL MOANING]

[BOTH MOANING]

[GROANS]

Robaire, a young gentleman like you
should dress for dinner.

Let's just poke around my old chifforobe
and find you something suitable.

My Lord. This muggy November weather
gives me the horribles.

Robaire, this here is velvet,
not velveteen.

A gentleman must learn the difference.

My Lord.

JOBAIRE:
Dinner, like youth, will be served.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

Yo.

LILLY:
Hello.

I present you young Master Robaire.

[ALL APPLAUDING AND MURMURING]

- ESME: Lovely.
- HANK: Oh, my God.

Bobby, why don't you
let me sit next to Jobaire,

so we can talk sports.

So, Jobaire,
how do the Saints look this year?

I'm more familiar with sinners
than saints, my dear,

and sinners always look good.

[PLAYING LIVELY ACCORDION MUSIC]

HANK:
Get me out of here.

Honey, you need to try and relax
before your big throw.

[SIGHING]
Yeah.

I'm not sure being a millionaire
is such a good idea.

Bobby's only been around
rich people for a few hours,

and he already looks
like that kid on the paint can.

There's more to it than that,
isn't there?

This place. It gives me the creeps.
Everything's upside down.

Bill's getting women,
and Bobby, well...

I missed a bunch of throws today
and I'm just thinking...

What happens when I get to the
Superdome with all those fans watching?

Don't you think Don Meredith
missed a few passes in practice?

But when the game was on the line,
he put it right on the money

to "Bullet" Bob Hayes
and Lance "No Pants" Rentzel.

See, that's just it.
He's the quarterback.

I bet if the contest was about
selling propane, he'd let me do it.

You can do this.

Then, after we get back to Arlen,
we'll put the $1 million in a trust fund

so it won't ruin Bobby
till after we're dead.

[HANK SIGHING]

I hate zydeco.

HANK:
Where's your bag, Bill?

BILL: I've decided
to stay for a few days.

Those women are trying to seduce you.

You think so, too?
I was afraid it was just me.

Listen to me. Two of these women
are widows of the dead Dauterive sons.

They are only related by marriage.
So, they are in play.

But one of them
is your flesh-and-blood cousin.

She is your ticket to hell.

Oh, my God.
Which one is my cousin?

That I do not know.

So, just to be safe,
keep your hands off all three.

I still have a 2-out-of-3 chance.
I never had those odds.

- Bill, if you think--
- Goodbye, Peggy.

I need a window seat
because this flower is wilting.

Lord! All right, everyone in the car.
Now. Go.

Have a pleasant journey,
and don't be afraid to ask directions

from someone who has already been
where you think you need to go.

What's that supposed to mean?

Let "Dandy" Don Meredith
take the throw.

[SIGHS]

[STATELY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

- I'd like you to meet Don Meredith.
- So, you must be Hank Hill.

Mr. Meredith, I have admired you
from your playing days

to Monday Night Football
to your iced-tea commercials.

My mom always calls me
"Don" or "Donnie."

[CHUCKLES]
Wow!

That's a great story, Mr. Meredith.

Sir, this is my wife, Peggy.

If you were a woman,

I believe my husband would have
married you instead of me.

Funny how life works out.

Who's this little future nose guard?

Look, Don, I'm a dandy, too.

Why, you sure are, little sport.

Yeah.

That reminds me, Don.

I've got your old jersey for you
to wear during the contest.

[HANK WHISTLES]

I hung that thing up a long time ago.

Why don't you let
my friend Hank here wear it?

I would be honored.
You got the pants, too?

Cowboy metallic blue.

[CHUCKLES]

Like father, like son.

There you go, sport.

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMS]

I was just tidying up
your husband's grave.

You are a sweet man.

Dauterive! Your husband is a Dauterive,
and he's dead.

- Take me.
- Okay.

[BILL AND ROSE MOANING]

[CROWD CHEERING IN DISTANCE]

[MARCHING BAND MUSIC]

PEGGY: Now's the time to fake an injury
if you want to.

It's halftime. We're on.

[HEROIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[CROWD CHEERING]

Now it's time for
the Alamo Beer Million Dollar Throw.

Alamo Beer would like to
welcome our contest winner,

Hank Hill from Arlen, Texas.

And Dallas Cowboy legend,
"Dandy" Don Meredith.

Hey, Dad!

What's it gonna be, Hank?
Are you gonna go for the million,

or are you gonna let "Dandy" Don
try for $100,000?

[TENSE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Don't worry, Peggy.
Our boy's going to college.

I'm gonna take the sure thing.

Aren't you gonna take off your jacket?

[THRILLING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[CROWD EXCLAIMING IN DISAPPOINTMENT]

[GRAVE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Tough break, son.

ALAMO MAN: How about a nice hand
for "Dandy" Don Meredith?

He didn't even take off his jacket.
I want a do-over.

I could have made that throw.
Where are you going?

You owe my son a college education.
You! Get back here.

[CROWD EXCLAIMING IN SHOCK]

[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Rose?

- It is I, Violetta.
- I'm glad you're here.

- Can I ask you something?
- The answer is yes.

I know. But your first husband,

what is the name
on his final resting crypt?

- Answer him, Violetta.
- Lilly, be gone!

This is wrong.
Violetta is your blood cousin, Guillaume.

She is lying. I am
not your cousin. She is.

You are the liar.

ROSE:
Guillaume.

Rose?

We are not alone.

Yes. I know. She is your cousin.

- No, she is.
- No, she is.

[WOMEN GRUNTING]

[BILL GROANS]

- Jobaire?
- Your cousin is Violetta.

[VIOLETTA HISSING]

Now, how long you been sitting there?

Thirty-five years.

I was the quarterback,
and I had a clear path to the end zone.

Instead, I handed it off
to a guy in a fuzzy coat

who threw it like a place-kicker.

I do believe I'll give
room service a jingle

and have them send up
some �touff�e.

BOBBY:
No!

[COUNTRY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

- Hold it right there.
- What do you want?

An apology.

You're the one who blindsided
a quarterback at the knees, hoss.

Well, yeah.

I guess that was
unsportsmanlike conduct.

I'm sorry. But still...

Here's my point.
I would have made that throw.

If "if" and "buts" were candy and nuts,
we'd all have a Merry Christmas.

- I would have.
- All right, hoss, prove it.

Take us to the Superdome, cabby.

Violetta tells me she discovered you

in a compromising position
with Rose and Lilly.

Tell me this.

Were you here to till the soil
and nurture the vine,

or were you just
playing in the garden?

Playing.

I think it would be best
if you took your leave.

Can I say goodbye to the girls?

Ten yards, one shot.

[SOLEMN INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Congratulations, son.
You feel better?

HANK: No, it's not the same.
There's no fans in the stands.

There's no pressure,
and I didn't win $1 million.

Let me tell you something, Hank.
What happened yesterday is gone.

Maybe you would have made that throw,
but you picked me.

Yeah, I picked you. But I thought at least
you would have taken off your jacket.

I practiced that throw
all week at home.

I even made a 10-foot-tall replica
of the Alamo Beer can.

It gets cold in New Mexico
this time of the year.

So I wore my coat.
I wasn't gonna change that yesterday.

I didn't want to screw up
my throwing motion.

Had I known that,
I probably wouldn't have tackled you.

Damned if I didn't want
to come through for you.

I'm sorry I let you down, but you'll be
a lot happier if you let this one go, Hank.

I'll never have a chance like this again.

Nope, you won't.

There's something I wanted as much as
you wanted that $1 million.

You have everything. You were a Cowboy
during the Landry years.

I wanted to go to the Super Bowl.
Came close, but it never happened.

Never will. And that's all right.
I've never looked back.

It is an honor just to be
on the field with you, "Dandy" Don.

[SLOW COUNTRY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

I built a 10-foot Alamo Beer can, too.

- DON: Did you spot-weld it or hot glue?
- HANK: Weld.

DON:
That's the only way to go, hoss.

[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

- Nice weekend, Bill?
- Both of them.

[THEME MUSIC]

HANK:
That's a great story, Mr. Meredith.

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