All language subtitles for King of the Hill s04e05 Aisle 8A.eng

[THEME MUSIC]

Look at her,
the Rubbermason 170L.

Sure-grip handles,
multi-terrain tires,

50-gallon capacity.

- Yeah. Sold.
- All-terrain, man.

Gentlemen, this trash can
is indestructible.

You can tip it,
you can run it over with your truck,

you can drop it from the moon,

and provided it
made it through the atmosphere,

it would hit the ground
ready to accept your refuse.

How many beer cans do you think
she can hold? 1,000?

She can hold 1,000 beer cans
when she's half full

with 1,000 beer cans.

Hey, I see you get new deep fryer.

Actually, Kahn, it's
an injection-molded--

Joking.

You hillbillies chew on that
while I'm jetting off to Hawaii

for biggest computer convention there is,
Systems Expo Maui

in Hawaii.

You going dang old Hawaii, man,
dang old grass skirts, man, old dig it.

[HUMMING HULA TUNE]

- Yeah, man.
- That's not even the best part.

My boss wants me
to give big-time speech.

I get five whole minutes.
Peons only get three.

You ever make five-minute speech,
Hank?

No, only three.

Baby-sitter violate parole?
Yeah, I'd say that's an issue.

MINH: Kahn, we have
no nanny for Connie.

[EXCLAIMING DISAPPOINTEDLY]

Cruel, cruel fate.

This Maui speech
could be my steppingstone

from systems analyst
to senior systems analyst.

Connie's old enough
to stay by herself, right?

No, Kahn.

Maybe Connie can stay
with one of the neighbors.

But which evil is lesser?

[SMOKE DETECTOR BEEPING]

[HANK SIGHS]

The smoke detectors work, Kahn.

The toilet seats are clamped down,
and I put new non-slip daisies in each tub.

So, aloha.

Here's Connie's baby-sitting book,
version 4.0

with seafood-allergy upgrade.

MINH: Everything you need to know
is in here.

It teach you how to
be a parent this week.

What time Connie should eat,
acceptable reading material.

Newsweek? Not in this house.

How very nice.
You included recipes.

[EXCLAIMING]

Look, and pictures.

That's good because I have no idea
what scrambled eggs look like.

[CAR HORN HONKING]

That's the limo to airport.

This is anti-bacterial hand gel.

Leave a thin protective film on you
at all time.

I see you next week.

I can't believe your girlfriend
is going to be living with you.

My parents won't even let me go
in a chat room.

I know. And my dad said
we could camp out in the living room...

in our sleeping bags.

[EMPHATICALLY]
In our sleeping bags.

You're going to be seeing each other
in nothing but your pajamas.

I never thought about it like that.

[GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[BOBBY GROANS]

Choo-choo trains.
Oh, man.

[BOBBY GASPS]

BOBBY:
The Turtles, these may work.

[EXCLAIMS DISGUSTEDLY]

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Man! What you doing, man?
Old coming over here like this, man?

I need some advice.
I don't know what to sleep in.

You know,
if there's a girl in the house.

Yeah man, I tell you what, man,

dang old there's a girl in
the house right now, man.

Then what should I wear?

You know, dang old can't go wrong
with old silk, man.

Some old kind of flannel, man.
Dang old itch your bottom, man.

She wears top, he wears bottom.
You know what I'm saying, man?

Yeah, I was thinking the Ninja Turtles
with underwear.

I tell you what, man,
let me know how it goes, man,

how that dang old works out.

First call, man.

BOBBY:
I always put my napkin on my lap.

I sit down, boom, on my lap.

[CONNIE GIGGLES]

This is a great dinner, Mrs. Hill.

We have your mother to thank for that.

She recommended that I stir
the macaroni with a spoon.

No more burned hands, Hank.

And the steak, tastes so clean.

That's the propane, Connie.

You see, it's a much smoother grill
than charcoal

and at a fraction of the cost.

You know what I've always wondered?

Propane is called liquid petroleum,
but isn't it a gas, Mr. Hill?

Please, Connie, call me Hank.

CONNIE: And Dad just crawled
out the window and never paid.

So this is gossip.

[CHUCKLES]

It's pretty good.

If you're done, Mrs. Hill,
I'll take your plate in with mine.

And she has manners, too.

May I take those plates
out of your way, sir.

And can I tempt you
with some toaster strudels...

or are we watching our figures?

- HANK: Just take the plates, Bobby.
- BOBBY: Very good, sir.

[SIGHS]

BOBBY:
This is nice, just the two of us.

BOBBY: The squeak of the gloves.
The lemony smell.

There's still a big
hunk of fat on this one.

Thanks, I'm glad you're here.
We make a good team.

Let me hook you up
with some more suds.

- BOBBY: My name is--
- CONNIE: What?

- BOBBY: My name is--
- CONNIE: Who?

BOBBY: My name is slicka-slicka
Slim Shady.

Extended club mix.

[BOBBY IMITATING A DEEJAY]

Hey, deejay,
everybody is a wick-wick-wack--

All right, kids, lights out.

Good night, Mr. and Mrs. Hill.

It's pretty dark.

Are you scared?

It's not that dark in here.

But sure, I could be a little scared.

[SUSPENSEFUL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

I could get my night light.

No, that's okay, Bobby,
good night.

I guess I'm tired, too.

So, are your lips numb?

A gentleman does not kiss and tell.

- You chickened out.
- Yes, sir, I did.

Now she's gonna think
you don't like her.

I know.

Don't worry.
I'm busting a move tonight.

[BOBBY YAWNING]

BOBBY:
I'm so tired.

I'd better hurry up
and get to bed

before I fall asleep
right here at the table.

[SCOFFING] How many cows
do you people eat in a year?

- Wait, we figured this out once.
- Can I please be excused?

[HANK HESITATING]

- HANK: Sure.
- BOBBY: Me, too, please.

[SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

You rushed off before dessert.

And I took the liberty of snagging us
each a piece of bundt cake.

I just brushed my teeth.

So did I.

If you just brushed your teeth,
why are you eating bundt cake?

You're just going to have
to brush your teeth again.

CONNIE:
Why don't you ever think?

[SAD INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[BOBBY MOANS]

Connie, do you like your syrup
warm or cold?

Personally, I could go either way.

Can you bother someone else
for five minutes

- so I can go to the bathroom?
- Yes.

[CONNIE GRUNTS]

Connie, honey,
it's past 8:00 already.

[CONNIE MURMURS]

I do not know what she's
doing in there for so long.

I think she's taking a Bobby break.

Hank, you're gonna have
to take Connie to school.

Bobby and I are late already
and there are no substitute teachers

for substitute teachers who are late.

[SIGHS]

[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Is Mrs. Hill home?

No, she left for school already.

- [STAMMERING] I'm just...
- I'm sorry?

[HESITATING]

- It's just that I'm... And I...
- Huh?

"Mr. Hill, I just got my first period."

[SCREAMS]

HANK:
God!

I don't want you
to worry about a thing, Connie.

I passed the OSHA
Emergency Management Course

all nine years I was
required to take it.

- Are you sure about this?
- Pretty sure.

[HANK GROANS]

Come on.

"Vaccination record,
complete list of prime numbers."

Don't worry, Connie,
we're gonna get through this somehow.

Okay, do you have any idea
how to tie a tourniquet?

No.

[CONNIE SOBBING]

Oh, man!

This is the best speech ever written.

JFK got nothing on me.
"Profiles in Jealousy."

You need to relax, Kahn.
Come, we throw Frisbee,

where it land,
that's where we make crazy love.

Yeah.

I am bad boy of systems analysis.

[RINGING]

[SIGHS]

MAN:
Tom Landry Middle School.

I need to speak with Mrs. Peggy Hill.

I'm sorry. District policy prohibits
disturbing a teacher in the classroom.

Peggy is my wife
and I want her disturbed right now.

- MAN: I'll connect you to her voicemail.
- HANK: No, but...

WOMAN:
The person you have reached...

PEGGY: Hello, this is Peggy Hill.
I am so sorry I cannot take your call.

Please leave a message.

WOMAN: ...is not available.
To leave a message--

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Hello.

[HESITATES]

TILLY:
Hello?

[SIGHS]

[TENSE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

- Is she gonna be okay?
- She is going to be fine.

I've taken care of things for now,
but here's a list of products,

which you can pick up
at any pharmacy.

Couldn't you just give her the stuff?
You are a hospital.

No, you have to go and buy them.

I mean, let's say I got stitches.

You might send me home
with a box of Band-Aids

if I asked for them, right?

Band-Aids aren't going to work
in this situation.

Please don't try Band-Aids.

ANNOUNCER:
Clean up, Aisle 2B.

HANK [SIGHING]:
Aisle 8A.

Boy, we sure are a long way
from automotive.

- You have your list?
- Yes.

Just because I started my period
doesn't mean

I can't hold on to a piece of paper.

Okay then,
I'll just wait right here for you.

[DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[SIGHING]

Come on, Connie,
pick something, anything.

Don't make me come down there.

[GROANING]

[SOBBING]

[GROANS]

No! Hold on, Connie.

This really sucks, Mr. Hill.
My mom taught me nothing.

$6.95 for one stupid box?

I only have $5.

Can I borrow two stupid dollars?

It's okay, Connie, it's on me.

We'll get you all set up here.

Chuck.

CONNIE:
You know, Mr. Hill,

maybe this isn't such
a big deal after all.

No, not such a big deal.

In fact, this is such a little deal

that we won't have to
talk about it anymore.

Now, how do I change
one of these things?

[FAST-PACED DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[CAR TIRES SCREECHING]

[CAR TIRES SCREECHING]

BILL:
I can't look.

She never even got to
see her first trash day.

[BILL EXCLAIMING]

Big bad can.

- Where's Bobby?
- It's Connie.

Hank, what is it?

You know,
the special time in girls' lives

- and freshness and all that.
- Oh, my Lord!

- Poor Connie.
- Poor Connie?

Poor me. I had to learn
about Mega Lo absorbency.

You went down Aisle 8A?

We have been married for 20 years,

and I can't get you past Aisle 5.

I wasn't joyriding, Peggy.
It was a medical emergency.

Why didn't you call me sooner?

I tried calling you,
I tried calling Minh and Kahn.

I even hung up on my own mother.

And she's such a nice woman.

Hank, you did your best,
but I'm in charge now.

You keep trying Minh and Kahn.

I'll talk to Connie
and then I'll talk to Bobby.

I don't think
Bobby should know about this.

It's bad enough that
I know about this.

- Do you want to be in charge, Hank?
- No.

[EXCLAIMS WORRIEDLY]

Last time you were waiting for me,
I learned about goldfish heaven.

PEGGY: Come on, Bobby,
let's go to What-a-Burger.

BOBBY:
All right!

Oh, God! Where's Ladybird?

I now pass the torch
to my good friend...

Kahn Souphanousinphone.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

Hank Hill, what do you want?
Kahn is at the podium.

[SHRIEKS]

Gentlemen and ladies
of systems analysis.

What really bring us together here:

systems or the sunshine?

I think we do best to remember the words
of Maya Angelou...

[SCREAMS]

Bobby, you are at an age now when,

well, things are starting to change.

And while some things
are better learned through guessing

or certain educational films,

some things are better learned
from your parents.

Mom, why don't you
gather your thoughts

while I get another
order of onion rings.

- Connie started her period.
- What's that now?

She has taken her first steps
to becoming a woman.

She can't be a woman.
I'm still a kid.

Look at me,
I even got the kids' meal.

- I love this toy.
- Bobby.

Honey, you will catch up, eventually.

This year, next year,
it does not matter when,

because you will always
be Mommy's little man.

[GROANING]

So, Connie.

You want to go jump off
the bike ramp?

No.

- Play soccer?
- No.

Go swimming at the rec center?

[CONNIE SIGHS]

You know what I want to do, Bobby?

- Sit here.
- Fine.

You sit on that couch. I'm young.

I'm young and alive,

and I'm going outside to enjoy life.

[SIGHS]

[DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[GRUNTS ANGRILY]

[SENTIMENTAL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[COOING]

Word is,
Connie's Aunt Flo is in town.

Yeah, probably 'cause
she started her period.

She's got the curse
and I think I caused it.

All my hormones being too close
to her hormones.

It's all over, Bobby.

I heard that when girls get the curse,

they only go out with hairy
high-school guys with cars.

I've got peach fuzz and a bike.

KAHN:
Where is my daughter?

I want to wake her up
from this chicken-fried nightmare.

Mom, Dad.

[CONNIE MOANING]

It is very nice to see you again,
Kahn Jr.

Go with your mother. Yes.

You know, you could thank me
for taking care of this, Kahn.

It wasn't exactly easy.

Thank you?
You're lucky I don't sue you.

Luck has nothing to do with it.
You've got no case.

[TRUCK APPROACHING]

There's still time, hurry.
She's got room for three more.

[BOOMHAUER HUMMING]

[DALE YELLS]

BOOMHAUER: Man, what you doing
with that old trash? I'll call 911, man.

Everything I love is taken from me.

What are you talking about?

She was my can.

NARRATOR [ON TV]:
The mother sings a gentle song,

welcoming her calf
to a watery new world.

Minh, she's doing it again.

- Help me. Make her stop.
- I'm on it.

Mom, I was really mean to Bobby
and I don't know why.

He annoying little boy.

- Mom.
- Kahn Jr.,

you have a PMS.

It's hard, but very easy to understand.

You just yell and yell
or you just cry and cry.

But it feels like I'm doing both of those
at the same time.

Connie, you feel things more now.

Makes sad movies truly excellent.

You watch Titanic on the right day,
it blow you away.

And you get intuition.

And I get to have babies.

Slow down, Kahn Jr.

I tell you now what
my mother told me.

[SPEAKING LAOTIAN]

Mom, you don't know Bobby.

- He's not like all the other boys.
- All men are the same.

But now you are different.

And you must act different,
like an adult.

Except at movie theater, where you child,
and your father and I students.

[BOBBY SIGHING]

[HANK SIGHS]

So...

Dr. Hurtig says
your teeth are looking good.

- Attaboy!
- Dad.

I think Connie is going to break up
with me because she hates me.

- She doesn't hate you.
- Yes, she does.

She's no longer the girl
who fell in love with me.

Now she's just the woman
who yells at me.

Bobby, every woman has a period...

- of time, every month.
- Even Mom?

Bobby, if we're gonna
get through this,

you cannot ask me
questions like that.

My bad.

Now, every month
a woman has this time

when she gets very angry...
at everything.

And usually, men are the everything.

It's like a tire fire. Trying to put it out
only makes it worse.

You just got to let it burn.

Grab a beer and let it burn.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hank Hill, you ruin my life.
What can I do for you?

Connie left some things at my house.
I thought she might want them back.

Hey, Mr. Hill.
Thanks for letting me stay with you.

Sorry it was so boring.

[CHUCKLES]

Yup.

[CONNIE GIGGLES]

What the hell was that?
Why didn't she cry at you?

KAHN: All she ever does is cry at me.
It's not fair.

I make more money than you.

I think it's been a long day
for all of us.

Tomorrow will be easier.
For me, anyway.

Sure, everything easy for you.
You world's best father.

I seen the mug.
Me? I'm nothing.

I want mug, too, Hank Hill.

I just so happen to have a book here
that might help you out with that.

HANK: And I added an extra chapter
at the beginning.

"Aisle 8A."

What is "Aisle 8A"?

You know, it's the one next to

the deodorants and the... ointments.

[MOANING]

Yeah, I know.

Is this a bad time?

My mom says we shouldn't
be alone together anymore

and that you only want one thing.

Did she say what that was,
because I am so confused.

Me, too. This sucks.

So, now you're a woman?

Technically, I think I'm only a woman
four days a month.

Only four days?

Well, that's for most people.

But you're super-organized.

I bet you can get
through it in two days.

I don't think that's how it works.

[BOBBY SIGHS]

You know, if I was becoming a man,

I wouldn't dump you.

I don't want to dump you, Bobby.
I still want to be your girlfriend.

But for those four days,
when I'm a woman,

I don't want to be
anywhere near you.

Deal. I'll see you in two days.

[GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[THEME MUSIC]

PEGGY: Do you want
to be in charge, Hank?

HANK:
No.

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