All language subtitles for King of the Hill s03e25 As Old As The Hills 1.eng

[THEME SONG]

Listen, guys, I sent the cards out
about a month ago

for our 20th wedding
anniversary barbecue.

And Peggy is kind of a stickler
for those things.

- So I'm gonna need your RSVPs.
- Yep.

Yep.

All right, then. So it's official.

Are you gonna give her china, Hank?
20th anniversary's china.

My marriage only made it to wood.

No, but after the party,

Luanne's going camping with friends,
and Bobby's going to my dad's.

That means Peggy and I will have
the whole weekend to ourselves.

So I won't be in the alley as much.

Twenty years.

If your marriage were a murderer,
it'd probably be out by now.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello. Hi, Tracy.

My aunt is so happy
I'm going camping with you.

She and Uncle Hank
are gonna get so busy.

What?

Do they expect the forest fire
to last the whole weekend?

[GASPING]

- Bye.
- Is everything okay, honey?

Yeah, they just phoned...

to remind me
to bring an extra can of gravy.

Bobby, my camping trip's
been canceled,

and the shelter says
I have to be battered to stay there.

- So can I go with you to Cotton's?
- No way.

This is my last chance for Grandpa
to spoil me before the baby's born.

You stay away from him. He's mine.

- He doesn't even know your name.
- Yes, he does. I'm Missy Melons.

Remember, these baby clothes
are just on loan

until I get pregnant with my second child.
Maybe this weekend.

It is so unfair that
your eggs are rotten.

For your information,
my eggs are just fine.

It's Hank's narrow urethra
that's the problem.

Although no one's to blame.
No, I'm just stating a fact.

Hey!

I would like to make a toast
to Hank and Peggy Hill... billy.

They have been married 20 years.
That a long time.

Minh and I only been
married 13 years.

But it's quality, not quantity,
that matter.

Last year on our anniversary,

Minh and I bungee jump off
Rock 74 Bridge.

I love you,
Minh Souphanousinphone.

I love you,
Kahn Souphanousinphone.

[HANK EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST]

- You guys didn't have to do this.
- I know, but Nancy said we did.

They're canes.

- Read the card.
- Okay.

"For when the Hills are over the hill."

[DALE LAUGHING]

DALE:
Get it? Your last name's Hill.

There's not much to get, is there?

[CHATTERING]

Okay, everybody, let's settle down.

Now, this is not my award-winning
The History of Propane slide show,

but it's the next best thing:

My marriage to Mrs. Peggy Hill.

I call it 20 Years of Outstanding Service.

Oh, Hank.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Here we see the early years,

when our first home
was an efficiency apartment.

Although it would have been
more efficient

if it was heated with propane.

PEGGY: Our bed was our only piece
of furniture, and it was all we needed.

Yep, 'cause it converted into a couch.

Bobby's head
pretty much regained its shape,

and Peggy pretty much regained
her shape, too.

Seriously, that was the day
Bobby was born.

[REEL CLICKING]

And here's Peggy and me whooping it up
at the Young Gasser's Ball.

[MOANING]

Slide show longer
than their marriage.

[ALL LAUGHING]

HANK: Is this Hank and Peggy Hill
20 years from now?

I hope so, because I wouldn't
want it any other way.

Here's to 20 more years
of outstanding service.

[DALE CHEERING]

I have summarized our marriage
in a different fashion,

that I hope you will
find no less pleasing.

I begin.

"We planted our seed a long time ago

and for 20 years we've watched it grow

into a beautiful garden of give-and-take

And now it's time to cut the cake

But before we do, I'd like to say--"

[DIDI YELPS]

"I would like to say
I'm so glad you're here today

- to share with us--"
- The baby kicked my insides.

It puts on quite a show
when it gets going.

Didi, show them your gas tank.

CONNIE:
Wow!

COTTON:
This one's busting to get out.

Not like Hank.
Never moved once while he was in there.

Not even born,
and he already give up.

I'm leaving for the weekend.
Got my gravy.

- Okay, where to?
- Anywhere but here.

Not the Dressbarn.
I bounced a check.

Or the nail salon,
for the same reason.

Bye. Take a good look,

because the next time you see me,
I'll be spoiled rotten.

HANK:
All right.

BOBBY:
Hey, guys, just letting you know,

if you do serve ice cream for dinner,
I won't tell.

This ain't no
Baskin-Robbins vacation.

Didi's with child. She's useless.

Now, you can start
by cleaning the back of my ears.

[BOBBY GROANING]

[HANK SIGHING]

HANK:
Well, that was great.

We ran out of potato salad and meat
at the same time. Perfect.

I thought my slide show
went over pretty big.

All in all, a pretty good day.

Happy anniversary, Peggy.

Don't wake me up
when you come in.

[SOBBING]

Look, if you're worried about the mess,
you can clean it up later.

If you're worried about Bobby,
he's gonna be fine at Cotton's.

It's just a weekend.
I had to survive a whole childhood.

Hank, we're old.

Peggy, that was just a joke slide.

Although, the Fotomat
did make you look older than me.

No, it's not the joke slide, Hank.

The joke slide was funny, okay?

It's all the other slides.

I saw a young married couple,
and I did not recognize them.

I mean, we look like strangers.

Strangers who stole our glasses
and our hair.

Well, I assure you it was us.

What happened to that young couple

with their dreams of inventing
a steak sauce and getting rich

or taking a train to Alaska?

That couple just grew up and realized
that there was too much competition

among existing steak sauces.

We did ourselves a favor
by abandoning those dreams, Peggy.

Maybe we should just start
using those canes that Dale gave us,

and we could bash ourselves
over the heads and be done with it.

Look, we've both been looking forward
to this weekend.

The kids are out of the house,
we've rented an R-rated movie.

[PEGGY GRUNTING]

We'll fry up some Jiffy Pop.

[GRUNTING]

What movie did you rent?

Platoon.

Ladybird.

It's me, Luanne.

[GROWLING]

Here you go, girl. Gravy.

Good girl. Yeah.

Yes!

[LUANNE YELPS]

COTTON:
Come on, Bobby. In here.

This is the baby's room.
Decorated it myself.

You see this picture?

That's me before I had
my shins blown off.

- BOBBY: What's that you're holding?
- COTTON: Head of a Nazi.

No, it's a canteen.

Jim, I'm looking for a nice restaurant
to take my wife to for our anniversary.

All right, let's see.

Here's that revolving restaurant
in McMaynerbury.

Got a seven in the Auto Guide.

A seven. Wow.

I'll get my highlighter
and throw together a Triptik for you.

You want the direct route or the scenic?

Most folks tell me
the extra five minutes is worth it.

Direct.

HANK: What do you know?
You can see all of McMaynerbury.

There's that auto mall
they're always bragging about.

And in about 30 minutes
we will be facing the sunset.

Hi, can I get you folks
anything to drink?

You know,
I've never tried a Singapore Sling.

I think that has alcohol in it, Peggy,

unless you want me
to be the designated driver.

Hank, this night is
supposed to be special.

Okay, I won't have my beer then.

No, I won't have anything.

Maybe we can both drink.
How much do you weigh?

- I'll just have water, thank you.
- I'll have a beer.

[SPANISH MOVIE PLAYING ON TV]

[DOOR OPENING]

That restaurant was no seven.

Look, I didn't know
the restaurant only revolves at lunch.

That didn't seem to stop anybody else
from having fun.

PEGGY: Maybe it's because
they were allowed to drink, Hank.

I see. That's a shot at me.

All right. I'll make you
that Singapore Sling you wanted.

I changed my mind. I want tequila.

Oh, yeah.

That was fun.
Haven't done that in a long time.

Less talk, more limes.

[SINGING ALONG WITH STEREO]
? Happy anniversary, baby ?

? Got you on my mind ?

That Little River Band sure was good.

Yep, they were a real seven.

HANK:
Now will you just let that go?

- Just enjoy the music.
- There's no music, Hank.

All there is,
is the sound of an empty house.

[VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING]

What was that?

Just the sound
of all the children we never had.

I couldn't give them to you, Peggy.
It's my fault.

I have a narrow urethra. Yes, I do.

This is my urethra.

Nothing. I ran the 40 in 5.9 seconds,

but my fellows haven't reached
the end zone in 12 years.

What are we gonna do now?

[GRUNTING]

I'm gonna do what I should
have done a long time ago.

- PEGGY: Here I go.
- HANK: Peggy, wait.

[GRUNTING]

Hold on.

Why are you throwing
out the baby stuff?

I thought we were
gonna give it to Didi.

She doesn't need our baby stuff.
She has a baby.

No, Peggy, I'm the one
that deserves to be thrown out.

Hank, don't go in there without me.

[CRASHING]

[HANK AND PEGGY SNORING]

[PEGGY SIGHING]

[HANK GROANING]

You wanna go out for some pancakes?

COTTON:
Bobby, get in here.

Bobby, this is Topsy.

Topsy baby-sat your daddy,
when he was a boy,

and he's gonna
baby-sit your uncle, too.

I need the money.

You're the au pair
they were talking about?

Come here, son,
so I can get a good look at you.

COTTON: Go on, Bobby.
Let Topsy get a look at you.

Okay.

I'm not gonna bite you.

He can't. Had all his teeth yanked
out of his head 'cause they was green.

Get a little closer.
My eyes ain't as good as they used to be.

Topsy's legally blind.

[INHALING]

[COTTON LAUGHING]

Do it again, Topsy.

Could you please not use the turn signals?

I'm not using the turn signals.

That's the vein
in the side of your head pounding.

- I don't feel any better yet, do you?
- Wait till you have the hotcakes.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

- Hair of the dog.
- Pelo del perro.

You know, Peggy, I was thinking.

Maybe we could do some traveling.
Maybe take that trip to Alaska after all.

I have always wanted to see
Spain or Australia.

Who are we kidding, Hank?
We can't go anywhere.

Not until Ladybird dies
and Bobby moves out of the house.

Hank, look.

Let's do that.

- HANK: Do what?
- PEGGY: Parachute.

Kahn and Minh bungee
jumped off a bridge.

- Why can't we jump out of a plane?
- Kahn and Minh are nuts.

I have given you 20 years
of outstanding service, Hank.

I don't know.

Look, we fell asleep
in a garbage can last night.

You want that to be the highlight
of our 20th anniversary?

COTTON:
Didi woman, light me a cigar.

I hope he treats the baby
better than he treats you.

He will, Bobby.
Until the baby crosses him.

COTTON:
Didi woman, where's my lunch?

A man can starve to death
waiting for you to serve him.

I'm going to the Bottomless Pit to watch
some naked women dance while I eat.

WOMAN: And we're closed on Thursdays.
Happy landings.

PEGGY:
Happy landings to you, too.

So what'd they say?

They're all booked up
for the rest of the month.

[SIGHING]

But they have
a couple of spots open today.

Geronimo.

BOBBY:
Where's that sock?

- DIDI: Cotton's grandson.
- BOBBY: Coming.

Great. I just took those
out of the dryer.

Where did all this water come from?

Bobby, my water broke.

It means the baby's almost done.

- Now?
- Soon.

You have to phone Cotton.

I don't know the number
for the Bottomless Pit.

DIDI: It's Number 1 on the speed dial,
and Number 3.

Bobby, this better be good.

The next gal up plays Ping-Pong
without a paddle.

BOBBY:
Didi's gonna have the baby.

We'll meet you at the hospital.

BOBBY:
But Didi can't drive. You took all--

Come on, Topsy. Let's roll.

Which way is the Houston Hospital?

I'm not sure.
Pull over and ask for directions.

I can't do that.
I shouldn't even be driving this car.

I know where the Arlen Hospital is.
It's two hours away.

Can you hold it in?

[DIDI SCREAMING]

[TENSE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[CARS HONKING]

Please go around!

I can't see where I'm going.

Put it on cruise control
and stand on the seat.

That's what Cotton does
when we pass an accident.

I can't.
The red light keeps telling me to brake.

I think you need to release
the parking brake.

Oh, fart!

[HONKING]

You're all here for different reasons,
and I don't care what those reasons are.

But you'll be joined together
by the one thing I do care about:

parachuting.

You have never experienced anything like
what you're about to experience today.

Nothing comes close, not even sex.

Don't get me wrong.
I like sex. A lot.

But parachuting is...
God, it's hard to explain.

This guy may be able to skydive,
but he sure can't teach worth a damn.

Teaching is much
harder than it looks.

"Excuse me while I kiss the sky."

[SYNTHESIZED MUSIC PLAYING]

Good. Next.

- First time?
- Yeah.

MAN:
Me, too.

- It's our 20th wedding anniversary.
- Congratulations.

I've wanted to do this
ever since I was a kid.

I'm a virgin.

COTTON:
Where's my wife?

- RECEPTIONIST: Hello?
- COTTON: Do something, Topsy.

[INHALING]

[RECEPTIONIST SCREAMING]

Do something else.

[DIDI MOANING]

Come on, pick up.

I don't wanna see her privates.
She's my grandmother.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

[FOREIGN ACCENT]
Charlie's Pizza.

[SHOUTING]

Go!

[HANK SCREAMING]

[LAUGHING]

HANK: Oh, my God.
I can see Strickland Propane from here.

It's beautiful.

Okay.

[TENSE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

You wanna jump or not?

You got my check.
What do you care?

[SIGHING]

Peggy, wasn't that amazing?

Yeah, we did it!

PILOT: Mrs. Hill,
your husband's on the radio.

Peggy, you were right. It's amazing!

It's like selling a million grills
all at the same time...

with extended warranties.
You've got to do it.

Hank, I can't.

We have to turn the plane around.
You wanna jump or not?

Uncle Hank, Didi's at the hospital.

- She's having the baby right now.
- Oh, my God.

Peggy, great news.
Didi's having the baby.

I'm about to be a brother.
What a day!

- HANK: Peggy, can you hear me?
- PEGGY: Yes, Hank.

That's wonderful news.
We will be landing in just a few minutes.

Wait. I changed my mind.

Peggy Hill is gonna jump.

[DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[SCREAMING]

[FAT ALBERT VOICE]
Hey, hey, hey!

This is terrific.

[HOOTING]

NURSE:
The head is crowning.

It's got hair.

NURSE: Where're you going, Daddy?
Don't you wanna cut the cord?

The cord! Pull the cord!

Okay.

Your emergency cord!

[TENSE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Hey!

[PEGGY SCREAMING]

HANK:
Peggy?

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

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