All language subtitles for King of the Hill s03e20 Dog Dale Afternoon.eng

[Theme song]

DALE: Come on, baby, turn over.
You can do it.

Turn over, baby. Come on.

Turn over, baby. Come on.

Come on.

[Dale laughing]

Hank, my mower won't start.
Mind if I borrow yours?

-Almost turned over, didn't she?
-Yeah, she was teasing me.

You didn't try to start it, Dale.
There were no engine noises.

I'll try to start it. Can I borrow some gas?

Don't waste my gas.
We both know it's not gonna start.

Then why must you torture me like this?

HANK: Now, that's where I want the tank
when it comes back.

With gas, not water, this time.

That was aquahol.

[Engine running]

So I tapped him on the shoulder
and said with a straight face:

"Maybe you wanna put a little lacquer
in that varnish."�

Long story short, he put some lacquer in it.

Wait a minute. I know that engine.

[Tense instrumental music]

Damn it, Dale!

Hank, I'm only halfway done.
You can't go out looking like that.

-I'm gonna borrow your drill.
-Where's my mower?

-You wanna know where your mower is?
-Yes.

It ran out of gas down past the gas station.

I'll help you pick it up tomorrow.

You're not touching my mower ever again.

You left it out in the street where
any weirdo could just rub up against it.

Hank, what would weirdoes be doing
near the gas station?

What would weirdoes be doing
near the gas station?

Oh, my God!

-What does it say?
-Nothing.

Hank, I didn't finish mowing my lawn.

Don't even ask
if you can borrow my mower, Dale.

Like I would borrow that piece of junk.

Boomhauer, can I borrow your mower?

I tell you what, man.
I loan you my Monopoly set.

It comes back, dang old top hat's gone.

Boardwalk got mustard stains on it.
Park Place, too, man.

Dang old Mom comes over
and ends up playing St rate go, man.

-Bill, can I borrow your mower?
-Okay.

Like I would borrow that piece of junk.

DALE: What're you looking at?
OLD LADY: Your fly is down.

It's my yard.

-Yup.
-Yup.

Dale probably doesn't wanna show
his face, his lawn being so shaggy and all.

He's feeling like less than a man.
Castrated, you know. I've been there.

Well, don't feel sorry for Dale.
Dale abused our trust.

Oh, my God! Can it be?

Is that... No! It's Dale, on a new mower!

[Dramatic instrumental music]

Say hello to the Allegro X9J...

code-named Redeemer
at the Mason Mowers skunk works...

inside Mount Hood.

73 decibels of twin-barrel,
four-stroke war cry!

All at a price I can't really afford.

She's a beauty, Dale.

Did you get a good trade-in
on your old one?

That thing?
I pushed it into a lake three months ago.

You look so manly sitting up there.

Can I take her for a spin?

I'm pretty sure
that would violate the warranty, Bill.

Come on, Dale. You used Hank's mower
and everything, and I--

That is a watertight seal.
I can mow my lawn in a hurricane.

-Can you mow yours in a hurricane, Bill?
-I don't know.

You can't mow your lawn in a hurricane.
Can you, Boomhauer?

I tell you what, man. I'll take them
positraction going, in the choke, man...

-start a little--
-Bullcorn!

Almost forgot.

Hank, can you mow your lawn
in a hurricane? Nope, didn't think so.

[Suspenseful instrumental music]

DALE: How do I know it's Jack Ruby's hat?

Well, if 'm gonna spend money on it,
I gotta know it's Jack Ruby's hat.

All right. What colors does it come in?

[Laughing loudly]

Next time it might not be a BB.

I know what you're here for.

Dale, this isn't how
I wanted you to find out.

Quit screwing around with my mower!

-You've got to be kidding.
-I don't kid about my mower.

Get inside and start massaging my wife.

He's taking some of the fun out of this.

If Dale watered down the gas again...

No. This is soda pop, Hank.

That's just grease.

Race you around the block.

You wrecked my mower
with your damned soda.

It's Mr. PiBB.

DALE: I heard Bobby say he did it.

Said he had a score to settle with you.
Something about a woman.

I think something bad
is about to happen to that mower.

I doubt that, Hank. It's a brand-new mower.

I get it.

-All right, I'll tell you.
-Thank you, Hank.

DALE: [Singing]
'Cause once you ride a Mason

Nothing else cuts it

You gonna talk or you gonna mow?

[Tense instrumental music]

No!

[Chuckling]

Hank, my mower's gone!
Somebody stole my mower!

Tell me you saw something.
You're the neighborhood snoop.

Well, I did find these lying around.

DALE: Look at the date on that paper.
That's tomorrow's newspaper.

Who would have access to a paper
from the future, you might ask?

The paper boy.

That's today's paper, Dale.

The date on my watch
has been set incorrectly.

When did the paper boy
have access to my watch?

DALE: It's probably halfway to Mexico.

That is a Mexican dog.

You think that dog did it?
That dog is up to no good.

Hang in there, Dale.

Even if you never get to see your mower
again, you'll still have the brochure.

Thanks.

You know, you guys are my best friends.

-Dang old.
-The joke's always been on me.

All my life
folks are always playing jokes on me.

And no wonder. It's fun!

This isn't some kind of elaborate joke
on me, is it?

[Suspenseful instrumental music]

NANCY: I found this on our doorstep.

That's my oil filter.

Sug', I'm not a licensed bounty hunter...

but shouldn't they either ask for ransom
or stop sending you clues?

Why would someone
senselessly torture me...

unless they were...

my enemies?

Boil up some Mountain Dew.
It's gonna be a long night.

[Tense instrumental music]

Dad's a thief.

Mom, can I check his drawers
for that Hot Wheels I lost?

Hank, Bobby tells me
we have a new vehicle in the garage.

Maybe you'd like to explain to your son
why you stole your best friend's mower?

Well, you see, Bobby...

this isn't stealing.

We were gonna give it back
after we made Mr. Gribble...

Sometimes things that are jokes
seem a little mean...

but they're actually funny.

Oh, I see.

Kind of like when they fed the fourth-grade
gerbil to the fifth-grade snake.

No, Bobby, this is fun.
It's not mean or dishonest.

But don't tell Joseph, okay?

Bobby, honey, go play outside.

Your father and I
have something to discuss.

All right. We can use Photoshop...

and make it look like Lee Harvey Oswald's
riding on his mower.

HANK: Have you been sleeping, Dale?

You got kind of that county fair smell.

Check it out. It's finally making sense.

Oswald, mower, grassy knoll?

That photo doesn't even look real, Dale.

Well, I'd like to live
in your fairy-tale world, Hank...

but the Fair Play for Cuba Committee
is retrofitting my mower's engine...

to power Fidel Castro's
one-man escape sub.

Dale, why don't you relax? Have a beer.

No beer. Gotta stay sharp.

He's going crazy.

Yeah. I tell you what, man.
Like that dang old Margot Kidder...

wandering around, curled up
in a dang old cardboard box, man.

Yeah, but I think we ought to
give the mower back.

We're putting extra stress on a structure
that wasn't up to code in the first place.

-Let's tell him it was us.
-That's easy for you to say.

It's not your naked butt in that picture.

-You took the money.
-Still.

-It's me, sug'.
-Nancy? All right, I'll buzz you in.

[Imitating buzzing noise]

Shouldn't you get some sleep?

Sleep? I've never felt so alive.

This is where all the preparation pays off.

The binging, the purging,
the constant inoculations.

[Telephone ringing]

It's me.

[Mower engine running]

[Muffled voice mumbling]

They know I'm getting close.

Sug', you've got to get up early
to kill the termite larvae at the college.

You're not gonna stay here all night,
are you?

Time has no meaning for me.

-What is it? 1:00a.m.? 3:00 a.m.?
-It's 6:00.

-6:00 am.?
-No.

Is dinner ready?

I was gonna have Jane Fonda
observing the autopsy.

What do you think? Is that too much?

The boy at Kinko's said it was too much.

Well, when he gets home,
tell him it was all a joke...

and the mower was
comfortably lubricated at all times.

Okay. I don't know why
you'd want to fool Dale like that.

I mean, it's not hard
if you're somebody he trusts.

But, hey, whatever turns you on.
That's what I always say.

You're gonna have to speak clearer.

Whatever it is that you're eating, Bill,
take it out.

Out! Take it out!

Okay, that's better. Thank you.

Hank, it's Bill. He says Dale's gone crazy.

I was at Junior College
playing some pinball with the boys...

and Dale's up in the tower.
He's up there with a gun!

I'll be there. Don't call the police
unless Dale starts shooting.

Okay.

I already called the police.

[Tense instrumental music]

What the... Clear the area! Go!

Get some sharpshooters on the roof
across the street. Now!

[Humming]

[Tires screeching]

Where is he? Is he still up in the tower?

-Who, the sniper?
-He's not a sniper. He's my friend.

-Dale wouldn't shoot anybody.
-But he is president of the gun club.

Yes, he is president.

But only because he owns the most guns.

Yup, it's all a big joke, isn't it?
Until someone gets hurt.

POLICE OFFICER #1: Mr. Gribble, we have
the tower surrounded. Put down your gun.

[Tense instrumental music]

It's just a wand!

[Screaming]

[People screaming]

That's right, Dale! Show them who's boss!

The police aren't trained for this.
Let's go, gun club.

-But Dale's our president.
- I didn't vote for him.

DALE: I have a hostage.
A Rusty Shackelford.

Give him what he wants/

OFFICER #2: I can't see the hostage.
HANK: There is no hostage.

Rusty Shackelford is the fake name
he orders pizza with.

-Look, here's his mower.
-This way, sir.

Just tell him you've got his mower
and that it's safe.

OFFICER #3: We have your mower.
DALE: I know that, Fidelito.

Hank, I was right.

These Cubans have my mower. Watch out!

Please. This is my fault.

Dale, come down here
before somebody gets hurt!

Too late. I killed Shackelford.

No, correction. Shackelford wants a pizza.

What the hell's going on up there?

DALE: And I want my mower back
with enough gas to get to Canada.

OFFICER #1: What does the book say?
OFFICER #2: I don't know.

Maybe tear gas.

DALE: I want the CIA
to sell all off its fantastic...

hairstyling subsidiaries.

Is that all you got?

I use stronger than this to kill squirrels.

BOOMHAUER: Yo, Dale. Come on, man.

What y'all doing up there?
Y'all are crazy, man.

Come on down.

Boomhauer, if I ever heard anyone
reading a script, that was it.

[Tense instrumental music]

Wait, no! Let me go up there.
He'll listen to me.

Gee, Hank, I think you'd be the person
Dale would most want to kill.

PEGGY: Hank, I loved Dale, too.
But the Dale we knew no longer exists.

Now there's just a bloodthirsty mad dog
out to kill, kill, kill.

Officer, please let me go.

If he starts freaking out, just duck
and we'll shoot him in the head.

-Don't shoot him in the head.
-Book says head.

HANK: Dale, it's Hank Hill, your friend.

Our third grade teacher
was Mr. St. George.

[Tense instrumental music]

HANK: I knew it.

There's no gun,
so you can all go home now.

Drive safely.

POLICE OFFICER #3: We're not quite
done here.

Why don't you bring Mr. Sniper down
and we'll talk this over?

No! That's their plan.

One shot on the way down
eliminates the Gribble problem.

Then the Cuban robot soldiers...

have only Steve Winn
standing between them and Wichita.

Dale, there are no robots
and there are no Cubans.

If there are no Cubans,
how do you account for Desi Arnaz?

Okay, there are Cubans.
But they had nothing to do with...

All right.
You want to know what happened?

When you got your mower,
you were sort of acting like a jerk and...

Well, I'm not proud of what I did, but--

POLICE OFFICER #1: Mr. Hill, move
six inches to your left...

to clear a path for the you-know-what
into Mr. Gribble's head.

No!

Listen, Dale...

we're the ones who took your mower.
Bill, Boomhauer, and me. Your friends.

It was my idea.

What are you saying?

POLICE OFFICER #1: Mr. Hill,
you dropped something.

Don't you want to bend down and--

Cut it out!

Please, Dale. Come on down
before you get yourself killed.

I don't believe you.

The only possible scenarios
are Castro's escape sub or you took it...

and you would never betray me.

We took it, Dale.
You wrote your name under the seat.

Called yourself a Colonel.

It was just a joke.

Jokes start with, "Knock-knock,"
or, "What do you get when you cross a..."

You know, you used to be
on my list of trustables.

And it was a very short list.
1/ wasn't even on it.

But now...

I just don't know.

I guess you're not my friend.

Dale, if I could do it again, I'd...

Hey! What the heck is that?
I am too your friend.

I'm as good a friend as a weirdo like you
is ever gonna have.

Now come on. We're running out of time.
Do you trust me or not?

[Tense instrumental music]

DALE: Attention, men in police suits.

I have decided to trust your patsy...

my good friend, Hank Hill.

Not yet.

DALE: I am coming down.
If you're going to shoot me...

I want Bobby Hill to take the shot,
because Bobby'll put me down clean.

Okay.

Stay calm. If they were gonna shoot you,
they'd have done it already.

They want me to wet my pants from fear.
But they're too late.

[Tense instrumental music intensifies]

-Who's that?
-Vigilante!

HANK: No!

There he is. Up on the roof.

Hank, no!

Hank, no. Don't die. Oh, God, you're dying!

I'll never forget you, Hank.
I will bury you in my back yard.

I'll dedicate my life to propane.

And don't you worry about Peggy.
I'll keep Bill away from her.

I'm fine, Dale.

But if you're serious about the propane,
I've got some pamphlets--

You're fine!

You're wearing a bulletproof vest.

You thought I was gonna shoot you.

Well, that or spray me
with poisonous chemicals.

I thought you'd kill yourself right after.

I would have, too.

[Theme song]

DALE: Can you mow your lawn
in a hurricane? Nope, didn't think so.

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