All language subtitles for King of the Hill s03e18 Love Hurts And So Does Art.eng

"New York style deli"?

They think that's a selling point?

Wow! They've got pictures of celebrities
on the walls.

Howie Mandel.

[Hank sighing]

[Gentle instrumental music]

-What's a k-nish?
-Honey, it's pronounced "nish."�

The "K" is silent, and I have no idea.

Stuffed kishkes? Kreplach?

Even in my dreams...

I never dreamed a place like
the Show Biz Deli could exist.

It's food with a punch line.

Tongue?

They're trying to feed us all the animal
parts they're supposed to throw away.

Let's go.

Dad, can I at least go to the bathroom
before we go?

Al right.

[Dishes clinking]

[Bobby clearing throat]

Put a Louie Anderson in a bag to go.

I'll leave the money on the hand drier.

[Theme song]

Bobby, here's your Teen People back.

You were right.
Neve Campbell really likes rock climbing.

Sharise, looks like you dropped something.

Way to be in second grade, crap head.

I have tried tripping her, I've hid her lunch.

I'm running out of ways to show her
that I like her.

I assume you tried throwing
utility balls at her head.

I can't ask her to the dance
unless I know she likes me.

God, you're lucky.

Connie likes you. So after the dance,
you know you're getting a kiss.

Then you'll have a girlfriend.

And then I'll be your nerdy friend
who doesn't have a girlfriend.

I'm gonna go whack Sharise in the butt
with a shovel.

BOBBY: See, Connie wants to go
to this dance.

[Luanne sighs]

Your first middle-school dance.
How romantic.

You'll hold each other close
and move in a circle...

over and over again...

and then if she doesn't pass out
drunk on you...

then the night will end
in a clumsy, slobbery kiss.

-About that kiss...
-It'll be magical.

Nothing will ever be the same
between you and Connie ever again.

You know, Connie and I
practice-kissed once already...

and nothing changed.

Yeah. But this
is a middle-school dance kiss.

This is a real kiss.

Remember Marie?

I kissed her
and then things got really complicated...

and she dumped me.

I thought the pain would never go away.

That was a real kiss.

[Chomping]

[Sighing]

So you really like
the chopped chicken liver.

I love it! It's meat I can eat with a spoon.

|I get it in a drum from a catalog.

It's a lot easier than Italian food
like my last place.

Did you know
you have to heat up Italian food?

You gotta melt the cheese.

You know, I'm feeling a lot better.

I think I will have that herring plate
after all.

Attaboy!

I thought I would have to throw that out.

PEGGY: Yeah!
HANK: Peggy?

Look, I got an invitation
to some kind of art opening...

at the Dallas Museum of Modern Art.

Now, either Dale's pulling a prank...

or you've been sending money
to PBS again.

Not me.

They have not got a penny
since their cheap mug cut my lip.

On the other hand, maybe it would be fun
to go to an art opening.

There'd be new,
not-Dale-Bill-Boomhauer people to talk to.

-There might even be dancing.
-Dancing?

Bobby, that reminds me.

Connie's mom and I
plan to drop you guys off...

at your middle-school dance.

They can fit eight in their minivan.
Do you know if Sharise's hip is healed?

Yeah, I think so. I gotta go.

-Where are you off to, son?
-To the mall.

You know...

where all those sports fields are near.

I tell you what,
Bobby sure has gotten active lately.

No, Hank, I think something's wrong.
He's not eating his supper.

You saw what happened when
I tried to talk to him about the dance.

A 12-year-old boy running off to play...

rather than talk about prom dresses
with his mom...

sounds pretty normal to me.

Normal. What do you know.

[Bobby sighs in pleasure]

So then... Bobby?
You want me to slow down some more?

[Groaning]

So, anyway, maybe you and I
could go to the dance...

if you want.

That sure sounds like fun, Connie...

but I'm not certain I am 100%.

I think I stubbed my toe.

That's why I'm wearing
my mom's tennis shoes.

-Your toe will be better by next week.
-Or it could be worse.

I only know that I'll be praying for it
to get better...

so we can go to the dance.

But praying usually doesn't work.

[Sighs]

[Bobby groans]

Thank God, there'll be ice again!

[Phone ringing]

Luanne! I could use a hand.

LUANNE: Now you put it in the freezer.

[Mumbles]

What is it?

WOMAN: Mr. Hill, I'm calling from
the Dallas Museum of Modern Art.

Did you receive the invitation
to the opening?

Yes, and when I threw it out,
I thought you'd get the idea.

Very well. If you do decide to attend,
your parking is free...

since your photograph is in the exhibit.

My photograph? What photograph?

I don't know. I work for the catering.

We just need to know
how much cheese to buy.

-How many people?
-60.

Eight pounds.

Bobby, what did I tell you
about the funny walks?

"Not in the house."�

But this isn't a funny walk.
My toe really hurts.

Your big toe?

[Grunts in assent]

Bobby, now listen to me.
Put yourself in a three-point stance.

-From football, Bobby, before the snap.
-Yeah.

[Bobby groaning]

[Bobby yells]

Bobby, it looks like all that activity
you've been up to...

has finally caught up with you.

-You've got turf toe.
-What do I do about it?

You play through the pain.

And I get to take you to the
Heimlich County Sports Medicine Center.

We can laugh at all the people
with tennis elbow.

Excuse me, sir, did you throw out
your elbow playing golf or tennis?

Tennis.

[Both snickering]

You know, Bobby,
we gave you a dumb middle name.

Bobby Hill,
Dr. Tannenbaum is ready to see you.

You two go ahead.

I'll be here until midnight
filling out these endless damn HMO forms.

Shoot! I put Bobby down as my own father.

Damn these HMOs!

So what's it gonna be, Doctor?
Whirlpool, deep-heat massage?

Or are you just gonna tell my son
to play through the pain...

'cause I'll support that.

None of that will be necessary.

According to the blood test,
your boy here has gout.

Gout?

[Hank moans]

Guess who filled out all the forms?

[Fat Albert voice] Hey, hey, hey!

[Peggy laughs]

Gout occurs when uric acid crystals
form in the bloodstream...

and collect in an extremity.
Like Bobby's big toe.

Now, hold on. Maybe turf toe
was a pipe dream, but gout?

That's an old man's disease.

I'm not gonna tell you it's normal
for a 12-year-old boy to get gout...

but it happens.

Like that Feral boy they found
surviving on pig excrement.

What you need to do is quit
pumping your boy full of purine-rich foods.

[Grunts questioningly]

And those are?

Preserved fish like anchovies or herrings...

and organ meats, you know,
kidneys, hearts, liver.

The boy's not a ghoul.
He doesn't eat that stuff.

Is there liver in chopped chicken liver?

Because that's what's on a Louie Anderson.

-What?
-I've been getting it at the Show Biz Deli.

[Moans]

Bobby's gout will clear up
if he stays off those deli foods.

In the meantime, I thought this might help.

[Gasps]

Does it come with a hat?

I just can't figure out what picture of me...

somebody would wanna put in a museum.

The only photo circulating in the public...

is my high-school football picture.

It could be anything.

The Internet is full of pictures
of each and every one of you.

'Course you'd know that
if you ever visited my web site.

I guess I'll find out tonight
when we go to Dallas.

At least Peggy's excited about it.
She's talking about putting on earrings.

What else was she thinking about
putting on, Hank?

Pumps?

[Groans]

Now I know what
Mona Lisa's husband felt like...

when he headed off to that museum.
It's pride, Hank.

You know, I might still be able
to fit into the old uniform.

-Think that would be appropriate?
-We'll ask.

Now, Luanne, remember what I told you
about Bobby's diet.

Yeah, if I haven't heard of the food
that he wants to eat, he cannot eat it.

[Peggy grunts in assent]

-Where are you going?
-I'm just shuffling off to the living room.

And away we go!

I specifically asked Bill
not to give him that hat.

INSTALLATION: Walking man.
Walking man. Walking man.

[Eclectic instrumental music]

INSTALLATION: Walking man.
Walking man. Walking man.

Someone really ought to fix that thing.

PEGGY: Hank, you better turn that back on.

[Static buzzing]

[Peggy gasps]

Okay, let's keep moving.

PEGGY: I wonder
what they're all staring at.

HANK: Probably the best running back
Arlen High has ever known.

That's what I was staring at
the whole ride here.

[Hank chuckles]

HANK: You know...

[People chattering]

"Empty Bowl, Bhopal, India."�

"Beef Filled Colon, Arlen, Texas.�

Look, Hank, Dr. Morley took this X-ray.

That's the name of your doctor.

Dear Lord!

Hank, honey, I think this is your colon
from when you were constipated.

Oh, my God!

Hank, please, people are starting to look.

ARTIST: Excuse me, this is my work.
My art is not to be touched.

For interactive art, there's
a highly overrated collection in Toronto.

Your work? That's my colon!

[Hank gasps]

-Hank, maybe we should just go.
-Not without my property.

[Grunting]

Stop that. Security!

HANK: Damn it! I'm a human being...

not some kind of freak
that you can put up on display.

My doctor says it's very rare.

I'm the only kid under 70
to get this outside the Gout Belt...

in the lower Balkans.

I'll be happy to entertain any questions.

Yes, you.

Will your toe be better
in time for the dance?

I'm sorry, Connie, I was pointing
to the gentleman behind you.

Answer the question.

I'm sorry...

I was pointing in front of you to Joseph.

Are you taking Connie to the dance?

I'm sorry, I think we've run out of time.

[Bell ringing]

[Students murmuring]

[Sad instrumental music]

[Gentle instrumental music]

-Leave the tub.
-What's wrong, Bobby?

Girl trouble?

-No, Carl, it's just the gout.
-You got the gout.

-What causes that? Tick bite?
-Nobody knows.

So, Hank...

[Dale snickering]

I heard about your big opening.

[Dale coughing]

Yeah, Dale, it's even funnier the third time.

KAHN: Hank Hill, look what I buy
in gift shop at museum.

You sign it. It be worth more money.

[Dale whooping]

Look at me,
I'm Hank Hill and I just passed wind!

Quick, somebody frame it/

[Bill and Dale laughing]

[Dale yelps]

There nothing funny about this,
you hillbilly moron.

Can't you see the juxtaposition
of Hank's clogged-up colon...

with that skinny, starving kid
make deep statement about something?

They cast stones at your colon
from ignorance, Hank.

Your ass is genius.

Can you get me on guest list
for chichi art gallery parties?

Coming through.

[Sighs]

Guess what the school nurse
got for me today?

I'll give you a hint.

[Bicycle bell ringing]

[Hank sighs]

[Knocking]

Hi, Mrs. Hill.

Bobby left his spoon at my house.

Thank you, Connie.
I will let Bobby know that you returned it.

By the way, how's his toe gout?

Will he get better in time for the dance?

Of course he is, honey. But why do you...

Oh.

-I've gotta go.
-Honey, listen to me.

Caring for Bobby
is nothing to be embarrassed about.

Yeah?

He named his swollen toe Madam,
and she talks with a French accent.

I did not know that.

It's still not as bad as seeing
your husband's colon on the wall.

I know, it's hanging in our den.

Bobby's had a taste of Show Biz,
and it does not agree with him.

No more deli foods for him.

He is doing all he can
to get back on his feet...

in time for that dance.

[Bobby humming]

I see by your face you did not know
about the Rascal.

[Gentle instrumental music]

[Chomping]

Bobby? What are you doing?

You smell like cat food.

You're eating chopped liver, aren't you?

It comes with the platter.

Bobby, I searched every shop
looking for just the right dress...

which I finally found...

and here you are eating all this stuff
that gives you gout.

I just came in to use the restroom.

I found some gadempta meat in the back.
I know how you like it.

You would rather stuff yourself
and roll around...

in your stupid electric cart
than take me to the dance?

I guess I would.

[Connie sniffling]

[Connie crying]

Carl, give me a plate of kippers and onions.

I don't know, Bobby.
Don't you think you've had enough?

I'll tell you when I've had enough.

[Bell ringing]

[Cheerful instrumental music]

Connie, I got a new deck of cards.

You wanna come over
and play cards this weekend?

Why don't you play it
with your chicken livers?

I'm going to the dance.

But I told you
I didn't want to go to the dance.

I know. I'm going with someone else.

I've got gout!

Sir, if I could just get off
a few hours early...

I need to go to Dallas.

Right. That picture of your butt-pipe
with all that beef gumming up the works.

You gotta chew more, honey.

When I think of what they're doing
to the good name of beef...

Those damn Oprahs.

And what ain't good for beef
ain't good for barbecues, Hank.

And what ain't good for barbecues
ain't good for propane.

I came to take down that picture
of my private insides.

As for the Indian fella,
I guess that's between you and him.

All right, Mr. Hill, I think we've had enough.

Security! Throw that man out.

I'll do you one better. Sheriff.

All right. You the fellas
who perpetrated this art?

-You're under arrest.
-What are you talking about?

I've got the right of free expression.

You can have
all the free speech you want...

within the law.

And in the state of Texas,
there's a law against defaming beef.

Sheriff, my colon.

ARTIST: You'll never have another
avant-garde art exhibit in this state!

We'll get by.

[Sentimental instrumental music]

HANK: Hank Hill, running back...

circa 1974...

picture by Kodak, USA.

[Car horn honking]

CONNIE: Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.

MINH: Have fun, Kahn Jr.

MINH: Got your pepper spray?
CONNIE: Yes, Mom.

KAHN: Use it on those hillbillies,
no matter what.

I wanna see that empty
when you come home.

[Kahn laughing]

[Yelps]

[Bill laughing]

DALE: Git!

[Dale grunts]

[Dale veils]

[Thudding]

[Tires screeching]

I figure it's all for the best with Connie.

This way I can concentrate on my new act.

[French accent] Hello, my name is Madam.
I'm here to start the show.

[Normal voice] I guess I'm not feeling
real on right now.

I just can't believe
she would stop being friends with me.

I guess I do like this delicious
New York style food better...

than I like her.

Then how come all you've done tonight
is talk about Connie?

And you haven't touched your chicken liver.

[Mellow instrumental music]

Carl, bring me my Rascal.

[Fast-paced instrumental music]

[Grunts in wonder]

Whoa!

[Grunts]

[Groaning]

[Crashing]

[Power ballad playing]

[Groaning]

[Grunting]

[Moaning]

[Sighs]

[Grunting]

[Groaning]

[Romantic music playing on sound system]

Connie!

CONNIE: Bobby?

Are you okay, Bobby? Where's your cart?

You can't dance in a cart.

Where's your date?

There is no date.
I was just hoping to make you jealous.

Shall we?

CONNIE: What about your gout?

My dad says
when you really want something...

you play through the pain.

[Connie sighing]

[Bobby groaning]

[Theme song]

BOBBY: I've got gout!

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