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1
00:00:04,771 --> 00:00:06,136
[Theme song]
2
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You guys are in big, big trouble.
3
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:36,536
This is the worst offense I've seen...
4
00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:39,902
in my 14 years as "C" fire investigator.
5
00:00:40,107 --> 00:00:43,441
Dauterive, comma,
William Fontaine Delatur, comma...
6
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,842
sergeant barber, comma, United States--
7
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Comma, numbskull, comma, shut up.
8
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-Well, gotta go.
-Sit down!
9
00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:54,420
Nobody's going anywhere
until I find out how this happened.
10
00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:56,990
Now, according
to Heck Dorland's statement...
11
00:00:57,090 --> 00:01:01,220
you were standing out behind your houses
doing some light yard work.
12
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:06,258
[Birds chirping]
13
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,768
Bill called. He's gonna be late.
14
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:13,066
New batch of recruits started at the base
this morning. He's busy bagging hair.
15
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,639
[Squeaking]
16
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:20,477
There's old Heck Dorland
taking the fire truck out for a spin.
17
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:21,912
Lucky bunny.
18
00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:30,083
I'm a fireman! I'm a--
19
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,286
[Sighs]
20
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:37,594
The professional firefighters
got the red flu this morning...
21
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:40,998
leaving just us volunteers.
They're holding out for a raise.
22
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:42,535
They're striking?
23
00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:46,231
Well, sir, fires don't go on strike,
I tell you what.
24
00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:49,037
Heck came by the base
looking for volunteers...
25
00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:52,168
I was the only one
the base commander let go.
26
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:54,440
What about the rest of you guys?
You interested?
27
00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:57,848
You talking about firemen, man?
Dang old talking about, "Rampart 51."
28
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Dang old Emergency. That dang old show's
on tape, man. I love that.
29
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:05,719
Fact: Volunteer firemen receive sirens
for their personal vehicles.
30
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:08,261
Fact: And we can use them
whenever we want.
31
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:09,352
Fact!
32
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:12,091
Dale, sirens are only for fire emergencies.
33
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:15,191
Now, Heck,
assuming I pass the required courses...
34
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,669
and notify my insurance company
in writing...
35
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:19,500
will I get to drive the fire truck?
36
00:02:19,606 --> 00:02:21,631
-You got any speeding tickets?
-No, sir.
37
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,039
I do!
38
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[All yelling excitedly]
39
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HANK: Wow, look at that.
40
00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:29,082
[Bobby exclaiming]
41
00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:33,983
Spoons. Can I assume the potatoes
will be mashed tonight?
42
00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:39,083
Bobby, your dad is a real fireman.
What do you think about that?
43
00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:40,793
I'm a little surprised.
44
00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:43,295
You know, you always seemed
to make such a big deal...
45
00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:45,422
about being a propane salesman.
46
00:02:45,532 --> 00:02:49,696
I've got nights and weekends free.
I could be a fireman, too.
47
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:54,070
-She's right, Hank. Deputize her.
-No, Luanne can't be a fireman.
48
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:57,371
What if a very large man
was trapped in a burning building...
49
00:02:57,477 --> 00:02:59,241
and she had to carry him out?
50
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:04,284
Then she would do a fire person's carry,
formerly known as a "fireman's carry."๏ฟฝ
51
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:08,282
-What's that?
-It allows a woman to lift a man"s weight...
52
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:12,222
through a scientific principle
that I like to call "leverage.๏ฟฝ
53
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,092
Come over here. I'll show you.
54
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,320
[Sighing]
55
00:03:15,495 --> 00:03:17,088
[Peggy grunting]
56
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,658
Oh, yeah!
57
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,062
Oh, no.
58
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,265
Peggy, are you okay?
59
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:28,236
Yes, of course I am. Okay, let's eat.
60
00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:38,678
I'll start the water flow.
61
00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:42,483
Gribble, you're nozzle man,
so aim at the base of the flame.
62
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,690
[Dale muttering loudly]
63
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,159
-Come on, Dale! Straighten it out!
-I can't!
64
00:03:48,261 --> 00:03:49,888
Watch where you're aiming.
65
00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:51,486
[Dale mumbling]
66
00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,833
HANK: Handle the hose!
BILL: What're you doing?
67
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:55,163
HANK: Pick it up!
68
00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:56,463
[All yelling]
69
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:57,731
DALE: Help!
70
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:05,045
Wasn't my fault. My mask fogged up.
71
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:10,983
Damn it, Dale. The safety and welfare
of Arlen is at stake. Get serious.
72
00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:17,522
Good idea, Beef.
All right, it's time you boys met the Jaws.
73
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:19,617
[All exclaiming]
74
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:23,224
Jaws of Life a.k.a. the Jaws.
75
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:27,456
Victim's trapped in a car,
this baby will peel it like an orange.
76
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:30,730
Yeah? Let's see what it does
with a real orange.
77
00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:36,540
Heck, I thought I'd go ahead
and sharpen all the axes.
78
00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:39,408
Hank's a lumberjack and he's okay
79
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:46,217
Relax, Hank. We're off the clock.
80
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:51,080
Say hello to Chet Elder son,
one of Arlen's first volunteer firemen.
81
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:55,057
What an honor, sir. Hank Hill,
propane and propane accessories.
82
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:56,129
[Belching]
83
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:59,358
Ain't you the idiot
what blew up the Mega Lo Mart?
84
00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:02,901
I was supposed
to take my vacation that week. Idiot.
85
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:07,263
Actually, sir, the idiot you're thinking of
was named Buckley.
86
00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:10,571
Yeah, yeah. I'm retired now.
87
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:12,704
Who unplugged my sign?
88
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:16,249
Chet, you know you can't plug it in.
It don't work right.
89
00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:17,839
I'll get it for you.
90
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:21,818
[Grunting]
91
00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:28,251
[Pager beeping]
92
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,960
[Dramatic instrumental music]
93
00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:37,568
-How did I do, Bobby?
-Okay, go!
94
00:05:37,804 --> 00:05:39,363
Oh, God.
95
00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:47,637
PEGGY: [Panting] That's good, boys.
You keep playing firemen.
96
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:51,076
-Peggy. let me help you.
-I'm fine. I've got it.
97
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,812
Did you hurt your leg?
Because you seem to be limping.
98
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,752
I have not noticed a limp.
99
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,881
Maybe it's because
I'm carrying a heavy bag.
100
00:05:57,991 --> 00:06:01,791
Or maybe it has something to do with
when you pulled your groin picking me up.
101
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:06,332
Honey, I don't think that could be true,
since ladies do not have groins.
102
00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:13,031
All right, let's talk about oxygen tanks.
103
00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:18,077
The cylinder gauge should be within
how many p.s.i. of the regulator gauge?
104
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:19,907
Anyone?
105
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:24,147
I am protesting the results
of last night's Ping-Pong tournament.
106
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:27,277
Boomhauer cannot play the ball
off of Bill's head.
107
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:31,381
No, we all agreed my head's in play.
108
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,925
HANK: /n the first round...
109
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:38,692
the Dallas Cowboys
select Bobby Hill, left tackle.
110
00:06:38,798 --> 00:06:39,765
[Hank chuckling]
111
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:40,957
BOBBY: Hey, Dad.
112
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:43,559
I told you my dad was a fireman.
113
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:45,497
He's a volunteer.
114
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:49,269
Dad, we're muddy. Could you hose us off?
115
00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:52,034
Sure, I'll open up the hydrant.
116
00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:55,547
Dale, the hydrants are for fire emergencies.
117
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:59,177
They don't know how to open the hydrant.
118
00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:01,745
Because they're volunteers.
119
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:05,218
Son, you're about to get very, very wet.
120
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:08,424
Fireman Gribble, drill time.
Get me the hydrant wrench.
121
00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:12,021
Mr. Boomhauer, I need you to run
a 3-inch hose. Bill, hook it up.
122
00:07:16,503 --> 00:07:17,834
[Grunting]
123
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,405
It's stuck.
124
00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:22,806
That's because you're turning it
the wrong way. Give me the wrench.
125
00:07:22,909 --> 00:07:24,274
No, wait.
126
00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:26,736
[Gurgling]
127
00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:28,746
Shut it off!
128
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:30,513
[Mumbling]
129
00:07:33,219 --> 00:07:36,154
-Damn it, Dale, you stripped the bolt.
-It wasn't me.
130
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:39,958
Get out of the dang old way, man.
131
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:42,825
Quit it, knucklehead.
The Jaws ain't for that.
132
00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:44,962
[Dale veils]
133
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:47,867
[Dale mumbling]
134
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,999
So you were the ones
who busted that hydrant?
135
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:55,300
We got an anonymous call
it was a bunch of kids.
136
00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:59,775
Bunch of kids? I gave you names:
Hill, Bobby, Gribble, Joseph.
137
00:07:59,879 --> 00:08:02,780
-It was Dale"s fault.
-It was Dale who took the Jaws of Life.
138
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:04,809
Oh, God!
139
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:08,445
The hydrant's the least of our problems.
He doesn't care about that.
140
00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:12,549
He's right, I don't.
You half-wits could be looking at jail time.
141
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,320
[Stuttering]
142
00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:17,328
My name is Shackelford,
Rusty Shackelford.
143
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:20,400
I refuse to speak
without my attorney present.
144
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:24,564
I am Mr. Shackelford's attorney,
Rusty Shackelford.
145
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,867
My client pleads insanity.
146
00:08:26,973 --> 00:08:31,308
My name is Dauterive, comma, Bill,
and I am also insane.
147
00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:32,974
[Groaning]
148
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:41,015
CHIEF: Gribble, you've had your phone call.
149
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:43,647
I know, but now I'm making one
as Shackelford.
150
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:45,156
You see what I have to deal with?
151
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:46,350
[Chief sighs]
152
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:49,156
Let's just get back to the matter at hand.
153
00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:51,662
After you broke the fire hydrant...
154
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:57,329
Please, guys, we've been given
a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity here.
155
00:08:57,437 --> 00:09:00,372
Now let's not do anything more
to screw this up.
156
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,942
Now, how about running
some ladder-carry drills?
157
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,512
Not interested. You pushed me aside...
158
00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:09,139
made me look like a fool
in front of my own flesh and blood.
159
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:11,116
[Grunts]
160
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:14,152
Hey, Sage, plug in my Alamo sign, will you?
161
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,755
Better not, Dale.
Remember, it doesn't work right.
162
00:09:16,856 --> 00:09:19,325
[Singing nonsense]
163
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:23,425
I said not to.
164
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:24,656
[Continues singing]
165
00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:27,461
I found a cupboard
with all kinds of jerky in it.
166
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,901
You know, I'll bet
we could use this lid as a Frisbee.
167
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,028
Catch, Hank.
168
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:34,971
What? That dang old ear, man.
What do you think you're doing?
169
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,806
I mean, dang old Fatty Belt-buckle, man.
170
00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:41,278
HECK: What the...
171
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:42,973
What's going on in here?
172
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,848
I'll take care of it.
Boomhauer, put some ice on that ear.
173
00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:47,317
Bill, you fix the window.
174
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,582
-Dale--
-No, no more orders.
175
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:53,421
Heck, I cannot work with this man here.
I want a transfer.
176
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:56,359
Dale, shut up. You're acting like an idiot.
177
00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,591
[Singing nonsense]
178
00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:00,860
HECK: That's enough!
179
00:10:00,967 --> 00:10:04,631
Now, either you guys get along,
or I'll find four others who can.
180
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:11,404
Health care for striking firefighters!
181
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:17,616
Aunt Peggy, it looks like
your groins are still hurting you.
182
00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:19,947
I just need to spend the night icing it.
183
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,746
Thank God Hank's sleeping
at the fire station tonight.
184
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:26,986
Why don't you just admit to him
that you hurt yourself picking up Bobby?
185
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,925
Honey, you've never been married.
186
00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:36,692
[Hank sighs]
187
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,771
HANK: Now, who left the... What?
188
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:39,839
[Dale shouting]
189
00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:40,906
[Bill grunts]
190
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:43,332
HANK: What the hell...
191
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:47,676
You can't use the fire hose like this.
You'll damage the elasticity.
192
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:52,240
What you got under the foil,
Mr. Party Pooper? Some party poop?
193
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:56,449
-Peggy made some Frito pie for us.
-Hey, yo.
194
00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:59,124
Hey, Dale, I was ahead
when Hank ruined our game.
195
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:02,490
-So I win, right?
-Wrong. You automatically lose...
196
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,927
but I'll go double or nothing
on the Ping-Pong court.
197
00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:06,226
-All right.
-Okay.
198
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,626
[Both grunting]
199
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:12,967
[Grunting]
200
00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:14,471
[Ping-Pong ball bouncing]
201
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:17,668
Okay, fellas, time to hit the hay.
Knock it off.
202
00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:20,872
DALE: Game's not over yet.
HANK: Pick it up tomorrow.
203
00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:24,877
Hey, man, heads up.
I got old hot Frito pie, man.
204
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:28,782
Give me the ball, damn it.
205
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:30,479
There.
206
00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:31,751
[Dale moaning]
207
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:32,848
[Bill grunts]
208
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:34,051
There.
209
00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:38,427
Dang it, Bill,
that was my only pair of glasses.
210
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,932
Dang it, Hank, that was our only ball.
211
00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:44,134
[Screaming]
212
00:11:45,838 --> 00:11:48,671
Hey, man,
I was dang old scarfing on that, man.
213
00:11:48,775 --> 00:11:50,106
[Laughing]
214
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:51,506
My face hurts.
215
00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:54,603
HANK: And it'll match your ass
when I'm done kicking it.
216
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,682
Get down here. I'm gonna...
217
00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:59,581
[Fast-paced instrumental music]
218
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:01,851
[Grunting]
219
00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:07,686
No fair, Hank. I'm stuck.
220
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:09,752
[Both grunting]
221
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:10,829
BILL: Hey!
222
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:16,032
HANK: Good night.
223
00:12:16,135 --> 00:12:18,126
[Ping-Pong ball clacking]
224
00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:23,132
Are you guys playing
with that busted ball now?
225
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:24,638
[Groans]
226
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,013
I got bad news, men.
227
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:34,546
Chet Elder son died. Natural causes.
228
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,821
-What a shame.
-Bummer, man.
229
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:38,186
DALE: Very sad.
230
00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:39,620
[Bill farts]
231
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,751
For crying out loud!
232
00:12:46,532 --> 00:12:48,466
DALE: Come on, Hank. Pick up the pace.
233
00:12:48,635 --> 00:12:51,935
I can't see where I'm going. Damn you, Bill.
234
00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:55,803
Dang old disrespectful, man. Lift, Bill, man.
235
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:59,207
I am! It's Dale, he's faking it.
236
00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:02,282
-Am not.
-Dale, no wonder my end feels so heavy.
237
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:05,909
-Get your hands on the casket.
-It's bad luck.
238
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:07,586
[Grunts]
239
00:13:08,655 --> 00:13:10,851
[Bill, Dale, Hank and Boomhauer yelling]
240
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:13,382
[Gasps]
241
00:13:14,594 --> 00:13:16,619
[Bill, Dale, Hank and Boomhauer groan]
242
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:19,054
DALE: Told you it was bad luck.
243
00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:20,232
[Bill moans]
244
00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:23,700
-Hank, I want to offer--
-Don't.
245
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:28,070
-I mean, I just wanted to--
-No, you cannot speak to me ever again.
246
00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:30,536
That goes for me, too, faker.
247
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:34,102
Why don't you eat some more pizza?
That's all you ever do is eat pizza.
248
00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:36,807
No wonder you're bald
and your wife left you.
249
00:13:36,916 --> 00:13:38,645
That old dang old amen, man.
250
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:41,243
Hey, I'm burned.
251
00:13:41,888 --> 00:13:43,583
All of you, go to bed.
252
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:47,058
-It's 4:00 in the afternoon.
-What did I tell you about talking to me?
253
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,286
Stop the fighting!
254
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:51,762
This is no way
to honor the memory of Chet Elder son.
255
00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:55,632
I think I shall honor Chet's memory...
256
00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:58,796
by plugging in his beloved Alamo Beer sign.
257
00:14:02,141 --> 00:14:03,131
[Fire alarm ringing]
258
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:05,267
DISPATCHER: Code 44:
Goobersmooches Restaurant...
259
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:07,005
Engine 91, respond.
260
00:14:07,113 --> 00:14:10,378
Code 44. Our first fire.
Let's go. Move it out!
261
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:13,377
[Heroic instrumental music]
262
00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:23,794
[Fire engine siren wailing]
263
00:14:32,972 --> 00:14:34,462
Fire's out, men.
264
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:35,541
[Hank sighing]
265
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:36,675
Well...
266
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,538
That's good, I guess.
267
00:14:38,644 --> 00:14:41,079
I was down the street
having a plaque made.
268
00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:44,912
I thought we'd rename the station
"Chet Elder son Firehouse"...
269
00:14:45,151 --> 00:14:47,518
since he didn't get a decent burial.
270
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,213
[Pagers beeping]
271
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:52,486
-They're calling all units.
-Where is it?
272
00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:54,256
Oh, my God!
273
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,556
[Mournful instrumental music]
274
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,658
[Fire engine sirens wailing]
275
00:15:05,972 --> 00:15:09,738
-Where do you want us, Chief?
-Back in the grave with Chet Elder son.
276
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:11,700
[Dale clears his throat]
277
00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:16,180
I hereby dedicate you
the Chet Elder son Firehouse.
278
00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:21,085
Sir, I've kept a journal of all the violations...
279
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:24,748
these three nincompoops have committed,
and I'll be glad to turn it over--
280
00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:27,019
I've read that journal. It's all lies.
281
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:30,061
Hank did it. Bill did it, too.
I begged them not to.
282
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:33,724
God, you chicken-necked ass! I'll kill you!
283
00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:39,303
CHIEF: For heaven's sake!
284
00:15:46,412 --> 00:15:48,779
I thought you guys had reached your peak...
285
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:51,782
when you pantsed Chet Elder son
at his funeral.
286
00:15:51,884 --> 00:15:55,980
But then you outdid yourself
by burning down your own firehouse!
287
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:58,487
Not me. It was these screw-ups.
288
00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:00,923
Maybe this is the wrong time
to bring this up...
289
00:16:01,027 --> 00:16:03,052
but we are only volunteers.
290
00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:05,688
We're going to go over
every minute of what happened...
291
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,768
before you lamebrains
left for Goobersmooches.
292
00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:12,403
Then I'll know which one of you
to bring up on charges.
293
00:16:13,105 --> 00:16:14,903
Gribble, you first.
294
00:16:15,274 --> 00:16:18,801
Well, as usual, I was performing...
295
00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:22,006
rigorous fire-safety checks
on the station house.
296
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:25,611
[Smoke detector ringing]
297
00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:29,279
Bill had his face
buried in a French bread pizza.
298
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:32,086
Hank was giving orders for a change.
299
00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:35,217
HANK: ... 70 seconds to get yourselves
squared away before I take...
300
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:39,697
DALE: And Boomhauer thought being a
fireman meant a chance to work on his tan.
301
00:16:40,366 --> 00:16:43,768
Of course, he didn't realize
his tanning lotion had been replaced...
302
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,168
with some Icy Hot Hank bought...
303
00:16:46,272 --> 00:16:48,934
for Peggy's humiliating groin pull.
304
00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:50,372
[Groaning]
305
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:52,734
[Chuckling]
306
00:16:52,912 --> 00:16:55,313
But then the fire alarm went off.
307
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:59,248
And Boomhauer knocked over
his tanning lamp...
308
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,980
as he bolted upright.
309
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:06,588
1 raced for the fire truck
with lightning speed.
310
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,657
[Fire alarm ringing]
311
00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:10,488
[Stuttering]
312
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:12,664
That's all I remember.
313
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:15,291
No way, man.
No Gribble old crazy crap, man.
314
00:17:15,401 --> 00:17:17,529
I'll tell you what happened.
The dang old truth.
315
00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:20,663
Bill, man, threw the lid,
boom, right on my ear, man.
316
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:22,531
[Smoke detector ringing]
317
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:24,872
Any day you want
a dang old detector, man.
318
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:27,605
Gall-darn government take away
freedom of smoke, man.
319
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:29,977
I'll tell you what, the dang old yo, man.
320
00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:32,676
I'll tell you what,
the dang old boy ain't right, man.
321
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:35,777
Talking about kicking some dang old ass,
man, that old dang...
322
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:38,914
For God's sake, Hank,
act like an adult, man.
323
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:41,123
And keep it down, guys, will you?
324
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:44,389
I'm trying to get through an article
on vintage Camaros...
325
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:47,762
and I've been on the same dang page
for 20 minutes.
326
00:17:49,468 --> 00:17:52,267
Dang old pretty, pretty pizza.
I would, I tell you what.
327
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:56,737
So you're saying that Bill left the oven on?
328
00:17:56,842 --> 00:17:58,071
BILL: Not true.
329
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:02,114
Okay. I have a weakness for pizza.
330
00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:05,207
I have a lot of weaknesses, actually.
331
00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:08,754
But I distinctly remember
turning off the toaster oven.
332
00:18:08,854 --> 00:18:10,185
[Smoke detector ringing]
333
00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:23,864
Let's see. Then I had myself a little dessert.
334
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:27,033
Oh, my.
335
00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:33,103
Okay, so I turned off the toaster oven,
just like I said.
336
00:18:33,212 --> 00:18:35,874
What happened
after the fire alarm went off?
337
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:38,477
I was in the garage getting bunkered out.
338
00:18:38,884 --> 00:18:42,081
Dale was on the tailboard
switching the oxygen tanks...
339
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,188
What do you mean switching the tanks?
340
00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:46,687
Why would you switch the oxygen tanks?
341
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,123
Let's face it.
342
00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:52,130
Me, Bill, and Boomhauer
had no idea what we were doing.
343
00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:54,427
You're the only real fireman among us.
344
00:18:54,533 --> 00:18:56,695
I saw your tank was running low...
345
00:18:56,802 --> 00:19:00,864
mine was full and I knew
you'd need every molecule of oxygen...
346
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:04,432
to carry our charred bodies
out of that raging inferno.
347
00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:07,369
CHIEF: So the fire could have been caused...
348
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,541
by Gribble's smoking,
Boomhauer's tanning...
349
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:13,244
or Dauterive's incessant cooking.
350
00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:17,854
It could have been, but it wasn't.
And I'll tell you why it wasn't.
351
00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:21,518
We had finally realized
our boyhood dreams.
352
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:23,729
We had become firefighters.
353
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:27,356
Except instead of fighting fires,
we were busy fighting each other.
354
00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:30,231
Anyway, the fire alarm went off...
355
00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:32,467
[Fire alarm ringing]
356
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:34,699
[Heroic instrumental music]
357
00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:41,075
And I sprung into action.
I switched off the lamp...
358
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:44,241
turned off the stove
and put out the cigarette.
359
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:48,476
1 ran toward the fire truck
and I saw Dale fiddling in the back.
360
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:52,147
I didn't know that he was busy
switching the oxygen tanks.
361
00:19:52,258 --> 00:19:56,092
Awfully nice thing of him to do
since we weren't even on speaking terms.
362
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,219
DALE: Still aren't.
363
00:19:57,329 --> 00:19:59,889
HANK: Then I put my blinker on to pull out.
364
00:20:00,332 --> 00:20:01,822
Wait a minute.
365
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:05,696
I remember seeing
some kind of yellow light in the mirror.
366
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,770
I know what caused the fires.
367
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:10,968
Somebody plugged in
that stupid Alamo Beer sign.
368
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,679
And I'll tell you
who that somebody had to be.
369
00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:14,803
[Mumbling]
370
00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:17,611
That somebody had to be...
371
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:19,514
[Tense instrumental music]
372
00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:20,949
[Mumbling]
373
00:20:22,488 --> 00:20:24,217
-Chet Elder son.
- I did not...
374
00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:25,813
Chet Elder son!
375
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:30,026
Yup, Chet was always trying to plug it in.
He loved that sign.
376
00:20:30,129 --> 00:20:33,690
Burt the dang thing didn't work right.
It threw off sparks and...
377
00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:36,200
It was just a real fire hazard.
378
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:37,463
Isn't that right, Dale?
379
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:41,401
Yes, Chet Elder son must have plugged
that sign in...
380
00:20:41,507 --> 00:20:43,407
the last time he was at the station.
381
00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:46,774
What a moron! May he rest in peace.
382
00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:51,208
-Right, Bill?
-Right. Yeah, that sounds like Chet.
383
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:55,947
Tell you what, don't go dragging
old Chet's name through the mud.
384
00:20:56,055 --> 00:21:00,049
Old Dale's the one who did it, man.
You ought to leave old Chet alone, man.
385
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:05,488
So, each and every one of you believes
that Chet Elder son started that fire?
386
00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:07,021
[Boomhauer sighs]
387
00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:09,067
Well, it doesn't surprise me.
388
00:21:09,168 --> 00:21:12,661
I told him a half a dozen times
not to plug in that sign.
389
00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:14,034
[All sighing]
390
00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:17,132
I don't know.
Chet was one heck of a fireman.
391
00:21:17,676 --> 00:21:19,872
I hate to soil his good name.
392
00:21:20,579 --> 00:21:23,207
Guess we could just call it an electrical fire.
393
00:21:23,315 --> 00:21:27,274
-Accidents do happen.
-Good idea. That's what we'll do.
394
00:21:29,221 --> 00:21:30,848
You're free to go.
395
00:21:32,925 --> 00:21:35,917
I heard Mrs. Throckmorton's
looking to hire four plumbers.
396
00:21:36,028 --> 00:21:37,018
No!
397
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:39,427
It's all the beer we can drink.
398
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:44,868
-Okay, I could use a beer.
-Yup.
399
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,028
Yup.
400
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:48,334
[Cheerful instrumental music]
401
00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,244
[Peggy grunting]
402
00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:14,625
[Sighing happily]
403
00:22:16,035 --> 00:22:17,560
[Peggy panting]
404
00:22:17,970 --> 00:22:19,062
[Peggy grunting]
405
00:22:22,408 --> 00:22:23,671
Oh, yeah!
406
00:22:25,811 --> 00:22:27,370
[Peggy grunting]
407
00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:30,581
[Dale singing nonsense]
408
00:22:30,631 --> 00:22:35,181
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