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[Theme music]
2
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[Gentle instrumental music]
3
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NANCY: Here you go, sug'.
4
00:00:44,811 --> 00:00:46,142
Two sugs, right?
5
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They asked me to be the celebrity judge...
6
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:52,651
at the Mrs. Heimlich County
Beauty Pageant next week.
7
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Mrs.? Wait.
8
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Do any women mature enough to have
a family really go in for that nonsense?
9
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That nonsense, sug', changed my life.
10
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It's what got me into television...
11
00:01:02,329 --> 00:01:05,060
and into hundreds of homes every night
as a weather analyst.
12
00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:08,601
You'd be surprised at the topnotch prizes
at the Mrs. Heimlich.
13
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:09,725
Bath beads?
14
00:01:09,836 --> 00:01:14,296
Try a year's lease on a brand-new
Chevy Silverado LTK 1500 pickup truck...
15
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:18,038
with a super cab and 270 horsepower,
5.3-liter Vortec V-8.
16
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I want that truck.
17
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:26,717
Hank, do you think I could win
the Mrs. Heimlich Pageant if I entered?
18
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[Gasps]
19
00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:31,747
You see, Peggy, that's what you call
a loaded question.
20
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No matter how I answer...
21
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there's a bullet in every chamber
designed to blow my brains out.
22
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Hank, do you think I can win?
23
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Well, uh...
24
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I think you're beautiful and smart...
25
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and you don't need to enter
some pageant to prove it.
26
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PEGGY: You don't think I can win, do you?
HANK: I didn't say...
27
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[Hank stammers]
28
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-I just don't think you're the pageant type.
-Really? Well, let's see.
29
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All you have to be is married and over 23.
Well, I've got that covered.
30
00:02:04,424 --> 00:02:06,119
So, how would we rate me?
31
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I would say face: A minus, body: B plus...
32
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personality: A plus, and brains: A plus.
33
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:20,767
So with my smarts, and looks,
and muchos talentos...
34
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:23,736
I think I have a huge edge
over these bimbos, Hank.
35
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I'm gonna enter. The grand prize is a truck.
36
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HANK: I have a truck.
PEGGY: But I don't.
37
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HANK: You have a car.
PEGGY: A car is fine, but a truck is a force.
38
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True.
39
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[Luanne screams in delight]
40
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I can't believe I'm going to be
an actual beauty pageant stylist!
41
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[Luanne exclaims]
42
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I already have some ideas for styling you.
43
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I've always wondered what would happen
if you let your hair dry naturally.
44
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Okay, let's not go crazy, Luanne.
45
00:02:53,306 --> 00:02:57,868
Remember, we're working together
to make the best Peggy Hill possible.
46
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Personally, I think a little lipstick and
a pair of nice earrings will win that truck.
47
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,585
That's a good-looking truck, Hank.
48
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:09,179
I'm talking about them dang old
270 horsepower, man old skid plates...
49
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:13,419
and Z-71 off-road suspension, man,
and dang old K-5, man.
50
00:03:14,594 --> 00:03:17,529
Yeah, all Peggy's gotta do
to get that truck...
51
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:20,225
is to win
the Mrs. Heimlich County Pageant.
52
00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:21,892
[Birds chirping]
53
00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:23,764
[Children chattering]
54
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:24,894
[Dale stammers]
55
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Yep.
56
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:28,070
[Boomhauer grunts in approval]
57
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,505
That's right. Yep.
58
00:03:29,609 --> 00:03:32,874
Peggy's gonna win.
She's every man's fantasy.
59
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,674
Okay, Bill, I'll take over from here.
60
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:39,047
I mean, she's got an A-plus brain
and an A-minus body...
61
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:41,348
but if she wears
one of them push-up brassieres...
62
00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:42,513
Bill!
63
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:45,484
...she'll have a body that just won't quit.
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[Soft instrumental music]
65
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SALESMAN: You like that truck, don't you?
66
00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:53,265
-Would you like to take it for a test drive?
-I would not say no.
67
00:03:56,603 --> 00:03:59,800
Now here's something
a pretty lady like yourself will appreciate:
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00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,806
a driver's side vanity mirror.
69
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:04,808
I do look good in this truck.
70
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:09,041
So, what's it gonna take
for you to buy this truck today?
71
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:11,373
I'm not planning on buying it.
72
00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:14,045
I'm planning on winning it
in a beauty contest.
73
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Test drive's over.
74
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COORDINATOR: Excuse me, y'all,
before we get started...
75
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if there is anybody here
not connected to the pageant...
76
00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:31,804
could you please leave now?
77
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[Bill chewing]
78
00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:44,582
I'd like to welcome you all to the
Mrs. Heimlich County Beauty Pageant.
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In a couple of minutes,
you'll get to meet your fellow contestants.
80
00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:52,192
But before you do,
the reigning Mrs. Heimlich...
81
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,920
Cathy Shears,
would like to say a few words.
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[Mild applause]
83
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What a long, strange,
beautiful trip it's been.
84
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:06,798
And next week,
I will add the word "sad" to that list...
85
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:11,208
because I will be handing over this crown
to the new Mrs. Heimlich County.
86
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Peggy Hill.
87
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[Women chattering]
88
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-Hello, I'm Peggy Hill.
-Hi, I'm Helen Pell.
89
00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:24,790
So, what does Peggy Hill do when
she's not competing in a beauty pageant?
90
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:28,293
Well, I'm a substitute teacher
at Tom Landry Middle School.
91
00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:32,431
Really? I teach sciences full-time
over at the high school.
92
00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:34,330
-What do you teach?
-Espa-nol.
93
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:37,734
I had my second honeymoon in Spain.
Have you ever gone?
94
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,034
No. But it's because I choose not to.
95
00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:42,609
You should go. You'll love it!
96
00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:46,668
I practically lived there for a couple
of months after I graduated from college.
97
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:49,772
That's where I met my husband,
the engineer.
98
00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:51,982
The kind that drives a train?
99
00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:53,548
[Helen laughing]
100
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:57,613
I'm gonna have to look out for you.
You're very congenial.
101
00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:59,214
[Cheerful instrumental music]
102
00:05:59,559 --> 00:06:00,549
WOMAN #1: Really?
103
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You know there are three other
contestants who teach as well?
104
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Yes, I know. I met them already.
105
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:08,958
And I suppose you're, what,
a biochemist or something?
106
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:11,729
No. I'm a stay-at-home mother.
107
00:06:12,138 --> 00:06:16,075
But I have seven kids,
so that's a full-time job in and of itself.
108
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:18,543
-Do you have any children?
-Eight.
109
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No, I only have one.
110
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[Pensive instrumental music]
111
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Right now, I'm majoring
in philosophy and classical music.
112
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How nice for you.
113
00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:30,890
That'll get you a job in a factory
when you get out of college.
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That's what my mom says, too.
115
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[Peggy chuckling]
116
00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:38,456
You do know you have to be 23 years
or older to be in this pageant?
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-I am 23.
-Do you have any children?
118
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-No, I'm concentrating on my--
-Well, I have one.
119
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Anyway, nice meeting you.
Good luck in the pageant.
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[Pensive instrumental music]
121
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WOMAN #2: Really?
122
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[Contestants chattering]
123
00:06:57,951 --> 00:06:59,419
[Contestants laughing]
124
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,112
WOMAN #3: She looks good.
125
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:05,488
Isn't this exciting, Aunt Peggy?
Everyone's so nice.
126
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:09,323
Mrs. Heimlich County
let me try on her crown and sash.
127
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,825
Did you know she could play
the lap steel guitar?
128
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:15,630
And she only has nine percent body fat,
and it's all in her breasts.
129
00:07:16,202 --> 00:07:18,796
[Pensive instrumental music continues]
130
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[Squeaking]
131
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[Sighs despondently]
132
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:30,679
[Clicks tongue in disapproval]
133
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:32,446
[Bobby laughs]
134
00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:35,522
Little Bobby Hill. You rascal, you.
135
00:07:36,489 --> 00:07:39,823
That's when you used to put your food
everywhere but in your mouth.
136
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:42,418
I was young. I didn't know any better.
137
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:45,430
I haven't seen this photo
in such a long time.
138
00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:48,502
-Who is that kissing Dad?
-That's me, honey.
139
00:07:48,835 --> 00:07:50,803
Really? You were beautiful.
140
00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:53,868
Were? Bobby, I still am.
141
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:57,438
-Okay.
-Bobby, don't you see?
142
00:07:57,544 --> 00:08:00,673
When you look at me now,
you can't see somebody who's beautiful.
143
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:02,475
You just see a mother.
144
00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:05,279
I don't know.
I think Connie's mom is beautiful.
145
00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:07,318
-And Mrs. Gribble--
-All right.
146
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:11,355
There's me standing
next to the world's largest roadrunner.
147
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,791
Are you still having those nightmares
where he pecks out your eyes?
148
00:08:14,894 --> 00:08:16,919
- I forgot about those.
-Good.
149
00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:19,759
[Sinister instrumental music]
150
00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:25,131
[Peggy moans]
151
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:26,763
[Peggy sighing]
152
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[Hank sighs]
153
00:08:28,908 --> 00:08:30,876
Peggy. are you all right?
154
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,140
Hank, I can't sleep.
155
00:08:34,647 --> 00:08:35,944
[Gun firing on TV]
156
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:39,148
Boy, Cagney and Lacey
certainly have aged horribly.
157
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:40,413
[Tires screeching on TV]
158
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:44,115
Do you think I'll turn into one of those
women you see at the Mega Lo Mart...
159
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:47,888
who wears white stretch pants
and doesn't tuck in her shirt anymore?
160
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:50,753
Not for many, many years.
161
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,731
So you've thought about this?
162
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:55,324
[Bobby shrieking]
163
00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:57,369
BOBBY: No, not my eyes!
164
00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:01,239
HANK: I thought he stopped
having those nightmares.
165
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,478
-Come on in, ladies. Take a load off.
-Thanks.
166
00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:10,277
I don't believe I've had the pleasure
of meeting this little filly before.
167
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,252
Yes, you have.
168
00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:16,052
-Your daughter?
-No, she's my niece, Luanne.
169
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,521
Well, there you go, darling.
170
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:20,216
[Luanne giggling]
171
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:21,350
Thank you.
172
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:24,190
Now, what can old Buck Strickland
do for you?
173
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:27,562
You said you had some kind of
business proposition, did you?
174
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:31,968
Mr. Strickland, a beauty pageant
can be a good promotional opportunity...
175
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:35,872
for both the beauty contestant
and for the business who sponsors the--
176
00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:38,307
Say no more. I'll do it.
How much do you need?
177
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,005
Well, there's the new tennis outfit...
178
00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:44,013
make-up, new dress, hair...
179
00:09:45,051 --> 00:09:46,951
We figure around $2,000.
180
00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:48,418
[Luanne grunts in approval]
181
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:51,889
Debbie, write me up a company check
for $2,000.
182
00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:53,322
DEBBIE: Right away, Buck.
183
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:54,959
Thank you, Mr. Strickland.
184
00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:58,053
I guarantee you
that I will win that Mrs. Heimlich Pageant.
185
00:09:58,164 --> 00:10:00,326
I will not let you down as my sponsor.
186
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,064
[Stutters]
187
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,363
Mrs.? What the hell is she doing here?
188
00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:10,671
She is my stylist and, like yourself,
a big part of Team Peggy Hill.
189
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:12,904
Debbie, have you finished
writing up that check?
190
00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:14,070
DEBBIE: Yes, Buck.
191
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:15,409
[Mr. Strickland groaning]
192
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,750
[90s pop music playing on stereo]
193
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,601
DIRECTOR: Terrific, girls.
Mrs. Hill, that was awful.
194
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:39,898
We're gonna go again, and this time I want
Mrs. Hill to sit this one out and watch me.
195
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,067
Raymond, hold my cane.
196
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:43,972
[Hairdryer whirring]
197
00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:49,011
Why, Nancy, in the words of Billy Crystal,
"You look wonderful!๏ฟฝ
198
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,344
Thanks, sug'.
199
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:53,545
By the way, I was so excited to hear
that you entered the pageant.
200
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,143
Really? Thank you.
201
00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:59,221
Maybe this year you and I
can shake things up a little bit at the Mrs.
202
00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:01,087
Shake things up how?
203
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:04,926
You know, every year they pick
the same type of woman to win.
204
00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:08,490
-Skinny, big hair, bleached blonde--
-You mean women like me?
205
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,997
Your hair is not bleached, is it?
206
00:11:12,972 --> 00:11:15,873
What type of woman do you think
should win the pageant, Peggy?
207
00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:19,468
Well, I'm not a judge,
but a married woman, of course.
208
00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:22,708
Not just a wife, but a partner.
Definitely a mother.
209
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:26,477
Someone who is distinguished
by her brain size, not her bra size.
210
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:30,680
-Women like you.
-You said it, I didn't. But, yes.
211
00:11:31,157 --> 00:11:33,626
I think women like you
shouldn't be in a pageant...
212
00:11:33,726 --> 00:11:37,060
if you're not prepared to be judged
by women like me.
213
00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:41,166
We could have shook things up,
you and me!
214
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,995
[Gentle instrumental music]
215
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,136
[Giggles]
216
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:49,698
[Peggy exclaims]
217
00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:52,574
Don't you look...smart.
218
00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:56,645
Luanne, I think I wanna put
some highlights in my hair.
219
00:11:57,817 --> 00:11:58,807
[Peggy exclaims dismally]
220
00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:02,252
-You don't think that's a good idea?
-No, it's a good idea.
221
00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:05,552
It's just that
highlights was a two-part class...
222
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:08,525
and I missed both parts.
223
00:12:08,795 --> 00:12:10,786
[Tense instrumental music]
224
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:15,526
Hey, Bozo!
225
00:12:16,102 --> 00:12:18,161
Where your clown car, Peggy Hill?
226
00:12:18,705 --> 00:12:19,695
[Minh chuckling]
227
00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:22,901
MINH: You look like the Ronald McDonald,
you bozo, Peggy Hill.
228
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:25,042
[Car tires screeching]
229
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:28,273
She so stuck up. Not even say hello.
230
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,976
-You think your missis will like it?
-Yes, sir.
231
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,645
Well, I hope so.
232
00:12:34,821 --> 00:12:38,416
This is the most I've spent on a woman
without getting anything in return...
233
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,356
if you know what I mean.
234
00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:44,424
Don't worry about it, Buck.
You've backed a winner.
235
00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:46,828
She could have smiled, at least.
236
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,025
She is smiling.
237
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,638
PEGGY: If I order by 8:00 tonight...
238
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:55,504
I can have my stretch pants
by tomorrow at noon.
239
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,576
I could be in them by 1:00.
240
00:12:58,244 --> 00:13:01,646
Why don't you wait a week and
we can drive over to the Mega Lo Mart...
241
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:03,716
and get them in your new truck?
242
00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:06,247
Yeah, right, my new truck.
243
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:08,514
[Peggy laughing sardonically]
244
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:13,316
Stop worrying. You've got
those fancy stripes in your hair...
245
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:16,060
plus your best friend Nancy is the judge.
246
00:13:16,162 --> 00:13:18,927
Well, Nancy and I are not talking right now.
247
00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:20,065
Oh.
248
00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:23,930
Well, then we just won't let her ride
in our new truck, will we?
249
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:25,869
[Chuckling]
250
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,304
[Humming]
251
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,305
[Sighing]
252
00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:33,379
Okay.
253
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:37,682
Hey, Dale, Peggy baked
some extra brownies, and we thought:
254
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:41,652
"You know who might enjoy these?
The Gribbles." So here you go.
255
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:42,744
[Grunts speculatively]
256
00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,016
Okay.
257
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:47,985
And I'm done using my ratchet set,
if you wanna borrow it.
258
00:13:48,194 --> 00:13:52,256
-You mean if I wanna keep it?
-Borrow it, Dale.
259
00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:54,025
Just a little reminder, Hank:
260
00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:57,899
My wife is the judge
of your wife's beauty pageant.
261
00:13:58,271 --> 00:13:59,261
Keep it?
262
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:02,637
Borrow it, or I'll step over this hedge
and kick your ass.
263
00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:03,932
DALE: Keep--
264
00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:05,374
[Dale yelling]
265
00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:09,376
-Hi.
-Hello.
266
00:14:09,882 --> 00:14:13,716
Excuse me,
but I think you've made a mistake.
267
00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:17,188
You're teasing the wrong contestant's hair.
268
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:19,816
It's okay. It happened to me yesterday.
269
00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:22,657
Luanne, honey,
sit down for a second, please.
270
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:27,861
Now, you are an excellent amateur stylist.
271
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:31,065
But this is a professional beauty pageant.
272
00:14:31,237 --> 00:14:35,174
No, it's an amateur beauty pageant,
Aunt Peggy.
273
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,640
See, Luanne?
Amateur attitude, amateur performance.
274
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:40,802
That's why I've hired a professional.
275
00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:45,248
This is Marcie Shuett,
stylist to three pageant winners.
276
00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:47,879
Oh, my God!
277
00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:50,919
You're firing me as your stylist.
278
00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:54,755
No. You will still be a very important part
of Team Peggy Hill...
279
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,492
but in a much smaller capacity.
280
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:58,792
[Luanne whimpering]
281
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,328
[Luanne sobbing]
282
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:03,800
See? That's the amateur attitude
I was talking about earlier.
283
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:06,565
All right. Let me get a look at you.
284
00:15:08,274 --> 00:15:09,833
Okay, now turn around.
285
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:15,003
Can you save this?
286
00:15:15,314 --> 00:15:16,372
[Marcie sighing]
287
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:18,974
This will be my greatest challenge yet.
288
00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:21,447
[Dog whimpers]
289
00:15:21,687 --> 00:15:24,952
PEGGY: And the winner of the
Mrs. Heimlich County Beauty Pageant:
290
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,655
Peggy Hill!
291
00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:27,926
[Gasps]
292
00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:29,188
[Gasping]
293
00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:31,121
So what do you think?
294
00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:33,493
[Ladybird growling]
295
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:39,667
[Barking]
296
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:44,734
Mom, you look like you could star
in a headache commercial.
297
00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:49,278
Ladybird, stop barking. It's me, it's Peggy.
298
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:51,879
Hank, you haven't said anything.
299
00:15:52,084 --> 00:15:53,074
[Stammers]
300
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:54,483
You look...
301
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:58,323
Bobby, will you please
take Ladybird outside?
302
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:00,820
[Hank stammering]
303
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:03,692
Gee, look at you.
304
00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:06,355
Yeah, I'd kiss you...
305
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:10,198
but it'd feel like I was cheating on you
with another woman if I did.
306
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:13,464
Well, now's your chance
to cheat on me, Hank.
307
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,868
I promise I won't tell Peggy.
308
00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:19,935
There.
309
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:23,581
Boy, look at me. I'm having an affair.
310
00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:27,486
[Humidifier hissing]
311
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:29,544
[Hank sniffing]
312
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:34,488
BILL: [Singing poorly] /f you ever get
employed and you think it is destroyed
313
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:37,154
I love to work at nothing all day
314
00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:41,700
And you've been taking care
of business every day
315
00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:45,063
Taking care of business in every way
316
00:16:45,371 --> 00:16:47,738
Taking care of business
317
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,103
It's all right
318
00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:51,302
Taking care of business
319
00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:53,401
Working overtime, workout
320
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,705
[Humming guitar riff]
321
00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:58,650
[Dreamy instrumental music]
322
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,114
[Gasping]
323
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:03,887
[Exclaiming]
324
00:17:04,991 --> 00:17:08,621
You were so right about the eyeliner.
God, what was I thinking?
325
00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:11,959
Dang, I wish we had a picture of you
looking this good for the fl yer.
326
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:13,589
-Spilt milk.
-Yeah.
327
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,957
[Tense instrumental music]
328
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:20,303
PEGGY: Did you get the brownies
I baked for you as a friend, Nancy?
329
00:17:20,406 --> 00:17:22,033
Yes, I did, Mrs. Hill.
330
00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:25,236
Shall we proceed?
We're running a little behind schedule.
331
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:29,278
It says here in your application
that you speak Spanish.
332
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:30,405
[Grunting in assent]
333
00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:32,143
[Speaking Spanish clumsily]
334
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:38,847
Peggy Hill...
335
00:17:39,091 --> 00:17:41,617
[Spanish]
336
00:17:57,276 --> 00:17:58,505
[Humming]
337
00:18:11,857 --> 00:18:13,256
[Disposal whirring]
338
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:18,526
Luanne, I just spent two hours picking
one of Peggy's shoes out of that disposal.
339
00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:21,390
I'm beginning to think
it wasn't an accident.
340
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:23,765
Why aren't you at the pageant?
341
00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:27,066
Peggy went with Buck Strickland.
I'm going a little later.
342
00:18:27,173 --> 00:18:31,041
Did she fire you, too?
Because, you know, she fired me.
343
00:18:31,143 --> 00:18:34,977
I heard you were still an important part
of Team Peggy Hill.
344
00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:36,310
[Luanne snorts]
345
00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:39,711
I know you're feeling a little miffed.
346
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,820
You have to understand
your aunt has always...
347
00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:45,653
had a lot of confidence about her looks,
which is good.
348
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:48,284
But now she's got herself in kind of a bind.
349
00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:52,397
She's either got to admit to herself
she can't win the truck, and quit...
350
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:56,100
or stay in the pageant and probably lose.
351
00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:58,333
Either way, it's gonna hurt.
352
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:02,331
I guess I should feel bad for her...
353
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,632
but I don't.
354
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:06,178
[Hank sighs]
355
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:09,838
[Tense instrumental music]
356
00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:13,484
PEGGY: This won't work.
I cannot go out there like this.
357
00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:15,314
-Is there something wrong?
-Yes.
358
00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:18,447
All of a sudden, my butt looks like
it's dragging on the floor.
359
00:19:18,557 --> 00:19:20,218
Will you fix it? Fix it!
360
00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:24,720
-Do you have any duct tape, Mrs. Hill?
-I used it all on my feet.
361
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:26,525
-Mr. Strickland.
-Yeah.
362
00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:27,858
We need duct tape.
363
00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:29,594
-Silver or gray?
-Silver.
364
00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:31,363
All-purpose or premium grade?
365
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:35,296
What the hell, I'm already in this
for $2,000. What's another 90 cents?
366
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,341
PEGGY: Tighter. Come on.
367
00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:40,708
[Peggy moaning]
368
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:43,680
ANNOUNCER: Ladies, to the stage.
Come on now. Let's go, y'all.
369
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:46,980
Where's my half jacket?
I need my half jacket.
370
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,554
That's what makes this an ensemble,
the half jacket.
371
00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:55,890
[Peggy groaning]
372
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,162
[Peggy exclaims]
373
00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:00,429
[Contestant laughing]
374
00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:03,868
[Contestants chattering]
375
00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:07,464
Come on, Peggy.
You know how to put on a jacket.
376
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:09,466
[Peggy grunting]
377
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:13,404
Pageant contestants across the street.
378
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:16,245
Come on, girls, hurry. Watch your step.
379
00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:18,150
Okay.
380
00:20:18,284 --> 00:20:19,308
[Tape ripping]
381
00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:20,442
No!
382
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:22,410
[Contestants sneering]
383
00:20:22,521 --> 00:20:25,786
Well, I guess this wasn't premium,
you cheap bastard.
384
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:29,691
[Stuttering]
385
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:33,095
Helen, by any chance,
do you have any spare tape?
386
00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:36,766
My ass has come loose.
I'm sure it's just the humidity.
387
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,166
Peggy. I've got to go inside.
388
00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:43,703
[Whispering] I also think I should tell you
that you forgot to put on your shoes.
389
00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:46,569
[Peggy gasping]
390
00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:51,714
Oh, no! This is not good.
391
00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:55,043
[Sobbing]
392
00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:56,121
[Horn honking]
393
00:20:56,222 --> 00:20:57,314
[Tires screeching]
394
00:20:57,623 --> 00:20:58,647
[Exclaims]
395
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:01,326
[Gasps]
396
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:03,585
[Laughing]
397
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:04,925
Like the truck?
398
00:21:05,030 --> 00:21:05,997
Hank?
399
00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:08,129
What are you doing?
400
00:21:08,234 --> 00:21:11,727
Well, I figured since you were
only doing this for the truck...
401
00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:13,532
I'd save you the trouble.
402
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:17,734
-Honey, you bought us a new truck?
-No, I painted my old one.
403
00:21:18,377 --> 00:21:20,106
[Sighs in pleasure]
404
00:21:20,646 --> 00:21:22,978
Well, she's beautiful!
405
00:21:23,682 --> 00:21:25,673
Yeah, but she was before.
406
00:21:33,092 --> 00:21:34,821
Are those new shoes?
407
00:21:35,761 --> 00:21:36,905
Because I like them.
408
00:21:36,929 --> 00:21:37,259
Because I like them.
409
00:21:40,533 --> 00:21:42,831
[Gentle instrumental music]
410
00:21:43,269 --> 00:21:44,634
[Car engine starting]
411
00:21:57,983 --> 00:22:02,284
I'm glad you're letting me dye your hair
back to its normal color, Aunt Peggy.
412
00:22:02,388 --> 00:22:05,221
Even if you don't, Luanne, that is okay, too.
413
00:22:06,025 --> 00:22:07,686
Okay, here it goes.
414
00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:09,250
[Luanne gasping]
415
00:22:09,361 --> 00:22:10,487
Oh, no!
416
00:22:10,963 --> 00:22:14,331
Don't you worry, Luanne.
We will get this right soon enough.
417
00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:16,427
[Luanne sighing]
418
00:22:19,238 --> 00:22:21,036
[Laughing fiendishly]
419
00:22:22,908 --> 00:22:24,137
[Humming]
420
00:22:24,187 --> 00:22:28,737
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