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1
00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,002
[Muzak playing on loudspeaker]
2
00:00:05,072 --> 00:00:09,009
Do you know where I can find
4 "D" batteries for my flashlight?
3
00:00:09,142 --> 00:00:10,132
[Hems]
4
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:12,372
Aisle 30, I think.
5
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,441
This is aisle 30.
6
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,483
15... 3...
7
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:19,247
HANK: Stop guessing.
Either you know, or you don't know.
8
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:21,515
Sir, I am trying to help you.
9
00:00:26,426 --> 00:00:27,951
HANK: Hey, you! Wait!
10
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:31,821
[Groans]
11
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,199
Batteries?
12
00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:38,727
You just passed them.
13
00:00:38,805 --> 00:00:40,364
Right through that door, sir.
14
00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:42,072
Thank you.
15
00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:53,496
HANK: I hate this place.
16
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:53,543
HANK: I hate this place.
17
00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:58,888
[Theme song playing]
18
00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:26,012
MS. KREMZER: As a stylist,
you must remember...
19
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:29,181
a bad haircut can cost
your client their job...
20
00:01:29,389 --> 00:01:31,050
even get them beat up.
21
00:01:31,124 --> 00:01:34,025
That's why we practice
on the senior citizens.
22
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:38,724
Ms. Kremzer, my senior citizen
is too small for my chair.
23
00:01:38,865 --> 00:01:41,459
LEANNE: Can I get a new one?
MS. KREMZER: Luanne, please!
24
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,793
Some of them can hear you.
25
00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:46,100
Would you step into my office?
26
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:50,501
I haven't received your tuition check
for this trimester.
27
00:01:50,577 --> 00:01:53,376
Oh, really? I mailed it.
28
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,812
Oh, you did, did you? That's good.
29
00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:58,943
Because if you hadn't,
I would've had to suspend you.
30
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:00,509
But since you did mail it...
31
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:03,852
why don't we just sit here
and wait until it comes?
32
00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:12,865
I didn't mail the check.
33
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:16,759
If I don't pay my tuition,
I can't go to beauty school anymore.
34
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,369
Can you believe that?
35
00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:22,237
BUCKLEY: How much was it, again?
LUANNE: $300.
36
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:24,311
All I have is $400.
37
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:26,403
That's going towards my new trampoline.
38
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,472
I mean, the trampoline I have now is good,
but you know...
39
00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:30,675
Yeah, okay.
40
00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:31,928
Night, Buckley.
41
00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:34,114
Night, Buckley.
42
00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:38,020
Okay, Hank. Try turning it back on now.
43
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:41,322
WOMAN ANNOUNCER: ...because
feeling fresh is important to a woman.
44
00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:42,521
[Hank shrieking]
45
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:45,522
BOBBY: Dad, can I come back in, now?
46
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:48,034
Not yet, son, stay in the kitchen.
47
00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:51,971
Okay, Bobby. You can come back in.
48
00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:55,598
CHUCK: Your garden will be a horn
of plenty with Mega Lo Mulch...
49
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,906
in easy-to-lift 50-pound bags.
50
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:01,076
That Chuck Mangione is one class act.
51
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:04,549
And now Mega Lo Mart has propane,
and propane accessories...
52
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:08,350
at mega-low prices. And it "fuels" so good.
53
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,589
Propane at Mega Lo Mart?
54
00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:12,523
Bobby, leave the room.
55
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:15,095
You bastards!
56
00:03:15,462 --> 00:03:17,430
[All muttering]
57
00:03:17,497 --> 00:03:20,091
HANK: All right. Everybody settle down.
58
00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:23,629
Mega Lo Mart
may be selling propane now...
59
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,900
but they're in for the fight of their lives.
60
00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:27,098
Tell them, Buck.
61
00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:30,610
Well, there's no way
we can compete with their prices.
62
00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:33,878
But Debbie and I stayed late last night...
63
00:03:34,281 --> 00:03:36,648
and after that we came up with a plan.
64
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,116
Yes, we have a plan!
65
00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:41,120
Good work, Buck and Debbie.
66
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:45,483
We're gonna beat Mega Lo Mart
by giving the customer what they can't:
67
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,288
the personal touch.
68
00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:51,557
A little program I'm gonna call
"Service With a Hug.�
69
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:53,233
[Hank laughing nervously]
70
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,263
You're serious?
71
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:00,404
[Bell on door rings]
72
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:04,600
Hi. Welcome to Strickland Propane.
Service With a...
73
00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:08,304
Hug.
74
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:09,405
[Groans]
75
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:11,508
I'm really sorry about that.
76
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,246
Now, what can we do for you?
77
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,381
Well, I was just wondering,
do you honor Mega Lo Mart coupons?
78
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:18,254
No, but for pennies more...
79
00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:21,420
you get the same propane
and Strickland service.
80
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,395
Well, how many pennies?
81
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:25,557
Several hundred.
82
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:28,101
I hugged you!
83
00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:36,609
HANK: Sure, son, the Wagner Char King...
84
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:39,680
does cost a little less here
at Mega Lo Mart.
85
00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:43,205
But when you buy at Strickland,
135 Los Gatos Road...
86
00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:45,214
you don't just get a grill...
87
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,583
you get a spatula and a friend.
88
00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:49,252
A good spatula!
89
00:04:49,322 --> 00:04:52,087
Sir, there's no yelling
in the propane department.
90
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:56,096
Some of these gases are
extremely volubuleous.
91
00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:58,288
Well, Buckley, I have a complaint.
92
00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:01,300
I would like to talk circles
around the person...
93
00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:03,700
who runs your propane department.
94
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:04,828
Hey.
95
00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:07,566
BUCKLEY: They don't want me
making keys anymore.
96
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:10,338
I don't know whether to laugh or vomit.
97
00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:13,312
[Sizzling]
98
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,273
Say, I wanna thank you guys...
99
00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:18,318
for continuing to buy your propane
from Strickland.
100
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:20,353
You're about due for a fill-up, Dale.
101
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:22,912
What's it been? Five, six cookouts?
102
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,820
No, I'm all set.
103
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:25,949
[Grunts]
104
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,017
That's odd. The gauge must be broken.
105
00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:30,392
HANK: It says your tank's full. Here.
106
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:32,766
Mega Lo Mart?
107
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:34,695
[Ominous instrumental music playing]
108
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,030
[Dale screaming]
109
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:40,064
PEGGY: I am changing the seating plan
in my classroom.
110
00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:43,468
Mr. Garcia has been
hiding from me for too long.
111
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,671
Welcome to the front row, Mr. Garcia.
112
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:48,607
Are you listening, Hank?
113
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,151
I gotta come up with
some kind of battle plan.
114
00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:53,710
We're hugging our way
down the crapper, here.
115
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:56,952
PEGGY: Uncle Hank, Aunt Peg,
can |I come in?
116
00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,320
HANK: No!
PEGGY: Yes.
117
00:05:58,725 --> 00:05:59,715
[Mumbling]
118
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,329
I didn't wanna ask you for money.
119
00:06:02,395 --> 00:06:04,887
HANK: That's a good instinct.
PEGGY: Go on, honey.
120
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,297
They won't let me back in
the beauty academy...
121
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,802
unless I pay them $300.
122
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,861
And I can't make $300...
123
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:14,964
until I'm a rich and famous
Hollywood makeup artist.
124
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:18,443
Yup. You got yourself a real Catch-22 there.
125
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:20,037
Good night.
126
00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:25,681
HANK: Now, sir, I know we could
never match Mega Lo Mart's prices...
127
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:28,820
but I thought maybe
we could get ourselves a spokesperson...
128
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:32,723
the way Mega Lo Mart cashes in
on Chuck Mangione's star power.
129
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:36,621
Now, I've done some research
on this Zamfir fella...
130
00:06:36,863 --> 00:06:40,731
and I found out he's sold
more albums worldwide than The Beatles.
131
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:43,928
HANK: His music's better, too.
BUCK: Hank, it's too late.
132
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:45,094
[Stuttering]
133
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:48,105
I've decided to shut down
this branch of Strickland Propane.
134
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:50,040
What? No! Sir, you...
135
00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:51,436
We can't give up!
136
00:06:51,511 --> 00:06:54,173
Hank, listen,
I got four more branches to think about.
137
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:57,239
Sometimes you just
gotta cut off a finger to save the hand.
138
00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:58,648
I gotta let you go.
139
00:06:58,718 --> 00:07:00,447
You're firing me?
140
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:03,488
I can't even afford
to give you a severance package...
141
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:07,522
but you can have five minutes
at the office supply cabinet.
142
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,426
Make a basket out of your shirt, honey.
143
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,591
[Tense instrumental music]
144
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:24,200
[Grunting]
145
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:27,269
Take your damn batteries back.
Take them back.
146
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,245
Bastards!
147
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:35,113
HANK: I don't want them.
You can have them.
148
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:36,178
[Batteries thudding]
149
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:39,223
Boy, you get a lot of batteries for $4.
150
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,084
[Hank grunting]
151
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:42,424
Bastards!
152
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:51,232
Dad, what about this big box of tissues?
153
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,772
Is it from Mega Lo Mart?
154
00:07:52,839 --> 00:07:55,069
No, but it was touching something that is.
155
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,131
Throw it out.
156
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,974
Folks, there is no chance
we are gonna lose this house...
157
00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:01,309
because I have spent
a lot of time thinking...
158
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:03,577
and preparing us for this exact moment.
159
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:04,640
You what?
160
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:07,688
Hank, I married you for better or for worse.
161
00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:10,086
So, during the better,
I planned for the worse.
162
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:13,683
I saved all our old curtains so
that I could make some clothes for Bobby.
163
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:17,060
We will grow our own vegetables,
and we'll eat carrots for dessert.
164
00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:20,196
I thought you said we were gonna be okay.
165
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:23,166
From now on,
I'll be the breadwinner of the house.
166
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:27,066
Oh, not that you're the bread loser.
We're all winners here!
167
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,939
[Spanish music playing on TV]
168
00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:34,804
[In Spanish]
169
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:36,076
[Nun gasping]
170
00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:38,376
Why is the Pope holding that gun?
171
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:41,785
That is not the Pope.
It's Monsignor Martinez.
172
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:43,212
[Hank sighing]
173
00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:45,018
[Spanish show playing on TV]
174
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:46,149
[Gunshots on TV]
175
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,924
HANK: "Wanted: One hard-working man
to replace four who weren't.�
176
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,659
Stop looking. You found him.
177
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,299
You'll notice
that the door on your left is open.
178
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,633
And if you're not interested
in making money...
179
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:02,869
I want you to walk right out that door,
because this is not for you.
180
00:09:03,309 --> 00:09:06,210
Can I just ask, what exactly are we selling?
181
00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:08,407
That's a very good question.
182
00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:11,514
You'll be selling opportunity.
183
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:14,811
With your initial investment of $300...
184
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:17,581
you can make up to $60,000...
185
00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:21,158
or as much as $200,000!
186
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:22,962
It's up to you.
187
00:09:23,029 --> 00:09:24,758
BOTH: You!
188
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:28,897
What's in the box?
189
00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:31,437
All right, eager beaver,
it's time for us to tell you.
190
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:33,598
Inside each of these boxes...
191
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:36,540
are 24 smaller boxes...
192
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:38,672
filled with dreams.
193
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:42,574
Oh, God!
We're not selling steak knives, are we?
194
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,880
Not we. You!
195
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:46,214
[Audience clapping]
196
00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:53,858
LUANNE: Uncle Hank, what's a BTU?
HANK: British Thermal Unit.
197
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:55,284
[Grunting]
198
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:58,262
So, there's no bacon in it at all, then.
199
00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:00,929
Luanne, I think
you picked up the wrong book.
200
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,401
HANK: That's about propane.
LUANNE: I know.
201
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:04,460
[Giggles]
202
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:07,165
I'm studying to be a propane salesman...
203
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,867
just like you used to be, Uncle Hank.
204
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:12,703
That's a neat idea, Luanne.
While you're at it...
205
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:15,942
maybe you can fly around the world
in a weather balloon.
206
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:18,848
I can, too, get a job selling propane.
207
00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:22,051
Buckley said he'd hire me
at the Mega Lo Mart.
208
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,419
Mega Lo Mart?
209
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:26,790
Why don't you just go down to hell
and work for the devil?
210
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:30,091
Good thing that I don't have
dangerous brain powers...
211
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:33,030
or right now,
you'd be in a thousand little pieces!
212
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:38,735
I've answered 40 classified ads,
and I didn't get a single response.
213
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:42,303
Hey, man, I know how it is.
You go get low down on that money.
214
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:45,936
Just come to that ol' bank of Boomhauer.
Get a little ol' cash advance.
215
00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:48,640
Dang ol' additional charges
may apply, man.
216
00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:52,151
Well, I appreciate that,
but we're doing fine, thanks.
217
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:55,483
Peggy's landed some extra work
as a notary public.
218
00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:58,686
You got yourself a good man there, Hank.
219
00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:01,116
[Hems]
220
00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:03,355
What did you just say, Bill?
221
00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:06,423
[Bill grunting]
222
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:08,023
[Bill groans]
223
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:11,429
Propane is, A: Flammable.
224
00:11:11,971 --> 00:11:13,962
B: Non-flammable.
225
00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:16,570
C: All of the above.
226
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:17,769
[Luanne sighing]
227
00:11:18,244 --> 00:11:20,736
Well, you can't eat propane, so...
228
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:21,971
[Hank sighs]
229
00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:24,073
For God's sakes, it's flammable!
230
00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:25,845
I could have gotten that!
231
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:28,980
HANK: You would have never gotten that!
LUANNE: Uncle Hank!
232
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:30,245
[Gasps]
233
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:34,056
[Suspenseful instrumental
music playing on TV]
234
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:42,460
How could such a good cop
become such a bad priest?
235
00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:44,929
Well, I threw out my ethics...
236
00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:47,234
and I notarized Velma Throckmorton's will.
237
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:50,106
I hope those cats
know how to run a toy store.
238
00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:51,735
Did you iron my blouse for tomorrow?
239
00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:53,506
No. I don't know how to iron.
240
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:54,775
And I don't wanna learn.
241
00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:59,409
We're all taking on extra responsibilities
because of your situation.
242
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,087
I'm trying, Peggy.
243
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:04,055
Don't be a "try-baby,� Hank,
be a "do-baby."
244
00:12:08,761 --> 00:12:12,425
[Spanish Mega Lo Mart propane
advertisement playing on TV]
245
00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:17,334
LUANNE: Come on, Luanne.
246
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,270
No job, no Hollywood. You can do this.
247
00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:23,934
Remember, BTU: British Thermal Unit.
248
00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:25,603
LUANNE: No bacon--
BUCKLEY: Hey.
249
00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:28,409
I'm ready for the test, Buckley.
250
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:32,179
I just pushed everything
out of my mind except propane.
251
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,414
Well, and how to get here.
252
00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:37,752
You don't have to take the test now.
I gave the job to somebody else.
253
00:12:37,824 --> 00:12:38,916
[Luanne gasps]
254
00:12:40,159 --> 00:12:41,558
[Screaming]
255
00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:48,959
So, I guess you think
you're going to work right now...
256
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:51,697
off to sell propane in your fancy vest.
257
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,899
Hope you like walking, though...
258
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:58,240
because I took your car keys
and I flushed them down the toilet.
259
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,037
[Laughing]
260
00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:03,082
Luanne, have you seen my car keys?
261
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,812
BUCKLEY: So, you know
something about propane?
262
00:13:07,987 --> 00:13:12,185
I was assistant manager
at Strickland Propane for 15 years.
263
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,282
[Grunting]
264
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:17,123
Anyway, here's your tag.
You gotta wear this at all times.
265
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:19,127
RON: Hey!
BUCKLEY: Hey.
266
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:23,358
BUCKLEY: This is Ron.
HANK: Hello, I'm Mr. Hill.
267
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:26,030
15 years experience in propane.
268
00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:28,607
That's amazing! Hey, you know what?
269
00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:30,439
HANK: What?
RON: Chicken butt.
270
00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:33,369
RON: You know what that means?
HANK: No. What?
271
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:34,914
Chicken butt.
272
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,773
You got to stop saying "what."
273
00:13:36,849 --> 00:13:38,613
HANK: Why?
RON: Chicken thigh.
274
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:39,914
[Both laughing]
275
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:43,047
Okay. Now you gotta
put up some posters in the parking lot.
276
00:13:43,122 --> 00:13:45,853
Chuck Mangione's
giving a concert there next week.
277
00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:47,393
But what...
278
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:48,650
[Stuttering]
279
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,193
Never mind.
280
00:13:50,296 --> 00:13:51,354
[Tense instrumental music]
281
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,858
Dad, I thought you hated Mega Lo Mart.
282
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:57,767
Oh, I do, son. I do, indeed.
283
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,568
BOBBY: But you're working there.
HANK: That's right.
284
00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:05,033
Are you still married to Mom?
285
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:08,308
HANK: Bobby, of course I am.
PEGGY: It's true, Bobby. He is.
286
00:14:08,948 --> 00:14:12,407
You know, Hank, I think you should
be happy about your new job.
287
00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:14,681
You get to wear that smart little uniform.
288
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:17,883
And with the trainee badge,
you can make all kinds of mistakes.
289
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:20,016
It's like a "get out of jail free� card.
290
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:22,892
Well, now I feel great, Peggy.
Thanks very much.
291
00:14:22,962 --> 00:14:25,192
Let's all go dancing. What do you say?
292
00:14:25,264 --> 00:14:28,495
Well, forgive me, Hank,
but I am doing the best I can.
293
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:29,797
You have never failed before.
294
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:33,134
I don't know how to pity you
without offending you.
295
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:38,308
I guess this means
we're not going dancing.
296
00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:40,639
Hey, Luanne...
297
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,777
listen, I'm sorry
I took that job you wanted...
298
00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:46,319
HANK: but you have to--
LUANNE: Sorry, can't talk now.
299
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,286
I'm in the middle of a rehearsal.
300
00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:50,846
British accent)
I'm Sir Reginald Feather Bottom ...
301
00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:54,450
and my boyfriend is going to give me
a job at the Mega Lo Mart.
302
00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:58,553
DONKEY: Hee-haw. No, he's not.
I'm going to make him give it to me...
303
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:00,725
and ruin your life forever.
304
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,495
[Braying]
305
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:03,831
HANK: Luanne...
306
00:15:03,936 --> 00:15:05,370
[Braying]
307
00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:16,205
[Stefani hems]
308
00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:19,343
You work with Ron and Buckley
in the propane department, right?
309
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:23,788
Well, I work in the propane department
while Buckley and Ron watch me.
310
00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:24,980
[Cindi hems]
311
00:15:25,057 --> 00:15:27,992
Could you find out if Ron likes Stefani?
312
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:29,585
Cindi, shut up!
313
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:30,823
[Cindi giggling]
314
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:35,431
Because she wants to stand next to him
during the Chuck Mangione concert.
315
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:36,730
STEFANI: Shut up!
316
00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:38,100
[Both girls giggling]
317
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:42,003
Well, I think I'll go try and find
the grown-up break room.
318
00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:43,572
Ladies...
319
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:46,609
CINDI: I think that old guy likes you.
STEFANI: Shut up!
320
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:47,870
STEFANI: Shut up!
321
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,917
[Air hissing]
322
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:56,080
Hello. America loves Mega Lo Mart.
323
00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:58,480
[Hank gasps]
324
00:16:00,059 --> 00:16:01,788
Don't take it to too hard, Hill.
325
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:04,421
After a while, you hardly miss the respect.
326
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:05,828
Mark McJimsey.
327
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:09,232
You mean the Mark McJimsey
that owns "Just Brake Drums"?
328
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:13,068
Used to own, till Mega Lo Mart
ran all of Main Street out of business.
329
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,540
Now, I'm working here
in the automotive department...
330
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,599
helping feed the beast that killed me.
331
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:21,113
Yup. The only place you can find
a Main Street these days...
332
00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:24,775
is in Disneyland,
and just try to buy a gun there.
333
00:16:25,051 --> 00:16:28,351
Say, you know a fella
by the name of Ray Holliday?
334
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:32,220
HANK: Layaway Ray? Sure!
Used to go to his bait shop all the time.
335
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:35,757
So, there I was, bare-ass naked...
336
00:16:36,062 --> 00:16:38,030
sitting in a box of night crawlers.
337
00:16:38,097 --> 00:16:42,159
Felt kind of funny,
but it kept them alive through the night.
338
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:46,133
See, that's the kind of thing you can do
when you own your own store.
339
00:16:46,205 --> 00:16:49,470
Here, it's just
one humiliation after another.
340
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:50,941
I've been meaning to tell you--
341
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,876
YOUNG EMPLOYEE: Break it up.
Back to work.
342
00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:54,242
You, where's your trainee tag?
343
00:16:54,313 --> 00:16:55,371
I won't wear it.
344
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:57,940
I've had 20 years experience.
I'm not gonna take this!
345
00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,280
And neither are we!
346
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:02,447
Well, I guess I'll just have to fire you, then.
347
00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:05,782
[Ominous instrumental music]
348
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:11,029
Buckley, what the hell are you doing?
349
00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:14,294
You never ever
want to put stress on the valve.
350
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,131
You'll cause a gas leak.
351
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:17,727
Hey, where were you?
352
00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:20,272
You're to set up
Chuck Mangione's dressing room...
353
00:17:20,339 --> 00:17:22,740
with sliced pears
and two-percent cottage cheese.
354
00:17:22,808 --> 00:17:25,243
Or did you forget that, too, Hank?
355
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,842
Trainees.
356
00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:28,808
You know how it is.
357
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:34,951
[Tense instrumental music]
358
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:41,790
HANK: So, what do you think?
359
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:45,058
RAY: I don't know. You're talking
about an act of open rebellion.
360
00:17:45,131 --> 00:17:46,360
Dang right, I am.
361
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:49,527
They say, "America loves Mega Lo Mart."
362
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:52,772
And if we don't speak up,
everyone'll think it's true.
363
00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:57,139
We've got to put an end to the silence
while the whole world is watching.
364
00:17:57,276 --> 00:18:00,610
If you want out, get out now.
As for the rest of us...
365
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:04,014
we will be disrupting
a Chuck Mangione concert...
366
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,317
with kazoos.
367
00:18:08,487 --> 00:18:10,353
Why kazoos, Hank?
368
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,983
Because they're portable,
they're annoying...
369
00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:16,085
and Mega Lo Mart has them for $3 a case.
370
00:18:16,162 --> 00:18:18,494
We'll be just like Queer Nation.
371
00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:21,224
Or the Boston Tea Party.
372
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:24,497
MARK: Yes, the Boston Tea Party.
HANK: Exactly!
373
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:27,749
PEGGY: Uncle Hank?
HANK: Yes?
374
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:27,796
PEGGY: Uncle Hank?
HANK: Yes?
375
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:32,811
I had a lot of time to think
while I was unflushing Aunt Peggy's keys.
376
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,206
And I would like you to know...
377
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:37,909
that I'm not mad at you anymore
for taking my job.
378
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:39,884
I was the better candidate.
379
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,215
Oh, sure.
380
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:42,444
[Hems]
381
00:18:42,521 --> 00:18:45,491
Can you give me a ride
to the Mega Lo Mart in the morning?
382
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:47,390
I'm going to break up with Buckley.
383
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:51,522
As of tomorrow,
your boss is no longer my boyfriend.
384
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:53,259
[Tense instrumental music]
385
00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:58,964
[Brakes squealing]
386
00:18:59,905 --> 00:19:04,103
Why don't you get us a spot, Peggy?
I've got a little business to take care of.
387
00:19:04,176 --> 00:19:08,079
I know, Hank. I saw your bag of kazoos,
and I put two and two together.
388
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:11,481
After 15 years of teaching,
I know a mutiny when I see one.
389
00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:13,678
Don't try to stop me, Peggy.
390
00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:16,888
PEGGY: Hank!
HANK: Yeah?
391
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:19,618
Remember, honey, to hum, not blow!
392
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:22,285
If you blow, it tears the wax paper!
393
00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:23,789
I'll tell them.
394
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:26,997
[Suspenseful instrumental music]
395
00:19:39,478 --> 00:19:41,572
[In a low voice] Hank, where's your kazoo?
396
00:19:41,647 --> 00:19:45,277
I got something bigger in store
for Mr. Charles Mangione.
397
00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:50,318
[Tense instrumental music]
398
00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:56,059
[People chattering]
399
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:04,694
[Door slamming]
400
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:12,975
LUANNE: I'm breaking up with you!
401
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:15,377
LUANNE: Do you know why?
BUCKLEY: Chicken thigh?
402
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:18,683
Don't make this harder than it already is.
403
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:22,145
[Gas hissing]
404
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:27,782
[Honking]
405
00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:30,924
[People whistling]
406
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:34,832
CHUCK: How are you doing, Arlen?
Are you ready to soft rock?
407
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,332
[Audience cheering]
408
00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:49,110
[Crowd exclaiming]
409
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:51,013
Is that their new slogan?
410
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:55,211
[Tense instrumental music]
411
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:01,416
[Grunts]
412
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:02,785
[Sniffs]
413
00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:04,057
Oh, no!
414
00:21:08,901 --> 00:21:10,027
[Woman screaming]
415
00:21:17,676 --> 00:21:19,201
[Screaming] Hank!
416
00:21:19,411 --> 00:21:20,742
[Screaming] Chuck!
417
00:21:21,580 --> 00:21:23,912
Buckley and Luanne are in there!
418
00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:27,382
Hey, man, is this 9117
I'm dang ol' here at Mega Lo Mart.
419
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:29,319
It's gone boom, man. There's a fire there.
420
00:21:29,388 --> 00:21:32,790
And dad gum blowed everywhere, man.
421
00:21:32,858 --> 00:21:34,986
I don't know. Some man run out of there.
422
00:21:35,060 --> 00:21:37,757
I don't know if Chuck Mangione
gonna be coming down here--
423
00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:39,924
WOMAN: You'll have to speak more slowly.
424
00:21:39,999 --> 00:21:41,296
I cannot understand you.
425
00:21:41,367 --> 00:21:43,961
[Speaking more slowly] Dang ol'
Mega Lo Mart...
426
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:46,161
[Less slowly] Talking about dang of'...
427
00:21:46,238 --> 00:21:47,831
[Fast] Dang, it's boom!
428
00:21:48,073 --> 00:21:50,440
[Ominous instrumental music playing]
429
00:21:54,079 --> 00:21:55,843
[Theme song playing]
430
00:22:24,143 --> 00:22:25,338
STEFANI: Shut up!
431
00:22:25,388 --> 00:22:29,938
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