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1
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:06,369
[Theme song playing]
2
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[Women chattering]
3
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[Sighing]
4
00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:41,134
PEGGY: You know,
I am a substitute teacher.
5
00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:44,708
I would be happy to substitute
for your mama while she's in prison.
6
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:46,303
LUANNE: Thanks, Aunt Peggy.
7
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:50,078
But I don't think Mama would
want anyone to take her place.
8
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:52,786
Well, unless they took her place in prison.
9
00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:56,248
But I guess that's too much to ask.
10
00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:01,087
HANK: We did good, son. It's beautiful.
11
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:05,955
We did it. We finished making
dad's new workbench.
12
00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:07,728
Look. No splinters.
13
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:09,835
What should we build first, son?
14
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,634
BOBBY: Well, how about a go-cart?
HANK: Okay.
15
00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:16,107
First we'll work out the design flaws
of your go-cart...
16
00:01:16,176 --> 00:01:18,008
by building a TV cabinet.
17
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,375
[Laughing hysterically]
18
00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:21,346
Mama got out of prison!
19
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:22,572
[Peggy sighing]
20
00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,811
Oh, I knew it, I just knew it.
21
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:28,412
I told them medium-security would
not be enough to hold that woman.
22
00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:31,719
She didn't escape. She was released.
23
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:34,318
LUANNE: She's coming
to visit on Saturday.
24
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:38,260
HANK: She's coming here?
LUANNE: I can't wait to tell Daddy.
25
00:01:38,398 --> 00:01:39,388
[Exclaims]
26
00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:42,060
We're gonna be a family again.
27
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:46,268
I will tongue-kiss Bill
before I let that tramp in my house.
28
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:47,630
[Exclaiming]
29
00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:51,805
Yeah, I was all set to start
on a TV cabinet on Saturday...
30
00:01:51,878 --> 00:01:53,812
but it's gonna have to wait a day.
31
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:55,848
Luanne's mama's coming to visit.
32
00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:57,213
[Dale sputtering]
33
00:01:57,417 --> 00:01:59,852
DALE: That woman is a menace to society.
34
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,115
[Vacuum cleaner whirring]
35
00:02:01,188 --> 00:02:04,021
I don't know. I never met the lady,
but she did her time.
36
00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:07,584
BOOMHAUER: Tell you what. No dang
lady about her. Getting liquored up.
37
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:11,359
Coming on, throwing up, pawing me
like an animal. Told her no means no.
38
00:02:11,431 --> 00:02:14,093
Yeah, Leanne's bad news, I tell you what.
39
00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:17,762
Peggy's brother was all set to marry
a pretty pharmacist gal...
40
00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:21,117
until Leanne entertained
at his bachelor party.
41
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:21,164
Until Leanne entertained
at his bachelor party.
42
00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:25,910
So, he marries Leanne,
and after 18 years of drunken hell...
43
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,708
she stabs him with a fork.
44
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:28,804
[Dale hems]
45
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,712
[Bill screaming]
46
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:34,243
Oh, my foot! I think it's broken.
47
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:37,654
Well, if it's broken,
you'll have to get that shoe off.
48
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:40,785
No. I feel better now.
49
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:43,159
I'm just gonna go on home.
50
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,664
Don't be silly. Just let me--
51
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,161
HANK: What the--
BILL: Don't look at me.
52
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:49,528
Don't look at me!
53
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:50,627
[Dale shuddering]
54
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:55,141
I never thought I'd say this,
but I don't think I can finish my beer.
55
00:02:56,076 --> 00:02:58,374
It's some kind of athlete's foot.
56
00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:00,846
I've been using this spray for 10 years.
57
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:03,975
BILL: Quick-workin', my ass!
HANK: What did the doctor say?
58
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:07,715
The only person I ever showed my toes to
was my ex-wife.
59
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:10,120
She used them against me in the divorce.
60
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:13,091
You don't have to be embarrassed
about your toes, Bill.
61
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,525
It's a medical condition.
62
00:03:14,594 --> 00:03:15,993
Sure, that's what you say.
63
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:20,057
But I don't see you waving your narrow
urethra around for everyone to see.
64
00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:24,231
Daddy, give her another chance.
65
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:26,964
Okay.
66
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:31,042
We're never going
to be a family again, Aunt Peggy.
67
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,937
He won't forgive Mama.
68
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:35,846
Honey, marriage is about trust. And she...
69
00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:37,606
Well, she betrayed him.
70
00:03:37,684 --> 00:03:41,177
It was like a knife in his heart
when she stuck that fork in his back.
71
00:03:41,254 --> 00:03:42,779
That was the old Mama.
72
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:46,690
The new Mama quit drinking.
She won't even eat with a fork.
73
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:50,764
I am just so proud of everything
you've accomplished since we took you in.
74
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:54,199
You're in school, you've got a righteous
Christian puppet show...
75
00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:56,065
you're always so very clean.
76
00:03:56,470 --> 00:04:00,031
I just do not want you to get distracted
and lose your way, honey.
77
00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:03,372
Oh, you don't have
to worry about me, Aunt Peggy.
78
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:05,408
That's my Mama's job.
79
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,345
HANK: Don't make any sudden moves.
80
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:12,647
Don't look her in the eye,
and if I give you this signal...
81
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:17,121
run to Dale's house and stay there
till I say it's safe.
82
00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:18,750
[Truck horn honks]
83
00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:19,849
[Luanne gasps]
84
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,223
She's here!
85
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:25,423
LUANNE: Mama!
86
00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:27,731
Lu-Lu.
87
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,329
Oh, my sweet baby girlfriend.
88
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,331
[Kissing]
89
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:36,074
Thanks for the lift, Alicia.
90
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:37,235
[Alicia grunting]
91
00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:38,709
ALICIA: All right, then.
92
00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:44,215
It's the Hill family.
93
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:47,415
Leanne, how very nice to see you.
94
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:50,355
You have such a lovely home here.
95
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:54,555
Of course, if somebody turned on
a fire hose, it would all be ruined.
96
00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:58,289
PEGGY: Right.
HANK: Yeah.
97
00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,355
[Laughs nervously]
98
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:02,468
HANK: So, do you have a job?
LEANNE: No.
99
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:05,031
And Lu-Lu said the trailer's wrecked...
100
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:08,268
so I guess I'm currently unresidented.
101
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:19,014
BOBBY: Why don't you stay here?
HANK: Bobby.
102
00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:26,416
Wouldn't you be more comfortable
in some kind of a halfway house...
103
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,484
HANK: or institution?
LUANNE: Please?
104
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:32,092
LUANNE: I'll clean up after her.
LEANNE: That's okay, Lu-Lu.
105
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:36,493
I am so sorry for all the grief I caused you
when I was drinking.
106
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:40,903
I am walking with the Lord now,
and I know I have found His forgiveness.
107
00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:43,968
I just hope I will find yours, someday.
108
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:45,512
HANK: Well, we'll let you know.
109
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:46,569
[Sobbing]
110
00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:49,741
LUANNE: Mama, I love you so much.
111
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,545
I love you, too, baby doll.
112
00:05:52,619 --> 00:05:53,745
[Luanne sobbing]
113
00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:55,618
We'll get an apartment, Mama.
114
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,919
LUANNE: I'll quit school, and I'll get a job.
115
00:05:57,991 --> 00:06:00,653
LEANNE: Oh, baby, you mean it?
HANK: Okay, then.
116
00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:02,828
You will not quit school.
117
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:06,662
PEGGY: Leanne, you can stay here
until you find a job to support yourself.
118
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:08,462
Oh, bless you, Peg.
119
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,402
I won't even stay in the house,
I'll sleep in the garage.
120
00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:14,736
What? No, my workbench.
You can't stay out there.
121
00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:17,709
LUANNE: I'll fix it up real nice for you.
LEANNE: Thank you.
122
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,609
Well, what choice did we have?
123
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:25,276
ANNOUNCER: Dr. Escomea,
please come to X-ray.
124
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,454
NURSE: Norman Schwarzkopf.
BILL: Yup.
125
00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:32,949
Okay, Norman, you have
a common toe fungus.
126
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:35,993
Take one of these pills every day,
and you'll be good as new.
127
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:38,463
I've been living with this nightmare
for 10 years...
128
00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:40,329
and all I got to do is take these pills?
129
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,563
That's right. Now, you gotta
take them on a full stomach.
130
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,166
Can do.
131
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,969
And absolutely no alcohol.
132
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:52,835
[Hems]
133
00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:55,978
PEGGY: How long is she gonna stay here?
134
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:58,245
I am sick and tired of scrambling around...
135
00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:01,288
to find nutritious meals
that do not require a fork.
136
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:06,349
Hey, Leanne, how's that job search
coming along?
137
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:07,822
Not so good.
138
00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:10,989
My best reference just went in
for chemical castration.
139
00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:13,393
Mama...
140
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,901
I want you to meet my Buckley.
141
00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,832
Go on. Like we practiced.
142
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:21,397
Hey.
143
00:07:21,474 --> 00:07:23,033
[Leanne laughing hysterically]
144
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,009
Well, he's just gorgeous.
145
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:28,376
LEANNE: Feel these muscles.
BUCKLEY: I gotta go.
146
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:30,143
[Leanne sighs]
147
00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:32,347
LUANNE: Thanks for the ride!
148
00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:35,155
Look! Twin dresses!
149
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:39,753
I got them for us to wear to our very first
mother-daughter makeover night...
150
00:07:39,826 --> 00:07:41,624
at the beauty academy.
151
00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:43,754
I'll meet you there after your classes.
152
00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:46,231
LEANNE: I'm gonna go shower
and shave right now.
153
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,624
Close the door this time.
154
00:07:49,669 --> 00:07:50,659
Yup.
155
00:07:50,770 --> 00:07:51,760
Yup.
156
00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:53,395
Yup.
157
00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:54,597
BILL: Yup, yup, yup.
158
00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:57,405
What a great day.
What a great day to be alive.
159
00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:00,469
Hey, who wants to play some Hacky Sack?
I do. I'll start.
160
00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:01,537
[Grunts]
161
00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:03,082
You're a hack.
162
00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:04,307
[Bill laughing]
163
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,983
Oh, did you see that? Where'd it go?
164
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:09,419
Oh, there, I got it.
165
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:13,153
Bill, we're all really happy
that your toe fungus died...
166
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:16,820
but we don't want to look at your feet
every five minutes, okay?
167
00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:25,997
[Leanne hems]
168
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:27,062
[Bill exclaiming]
169
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:29,472
I'm sorry. Hi.
170
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,577
BILL: You must be Luanne's mama?
LEANNE: That's funny.
171
00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:35,214
Most people think me
and Lu-Lu are sisters.
172
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:36,715
LEANNE: Would you do me?
173
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:38,140
[Grunts]
174
00:08:38,284 --> 00:08:40,548
Well, don't be shy, I'm running late.
175
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,713
[Seductive instrumental music playing]
176
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:47,955
Beer. You know how long
it's been since I had a drink?
177
00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:51,229
391 days.
178
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:53,958
I've been sober the whole time.
179
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:55,831
Well, help yourself.
180
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:58,928
I was just gonna surprise Hank,
and leave 'em in his fridge.
181
00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:02,031
I'm not allowed to have any alcohol.
Doctor's orders.
182
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,233
Me, either. Court orders.
183
00:09:04,744 --> 00:09:08,544
I can't be around any of my old friends,
'cause all they do is drink.
184
00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:09,707
Mine, too.
185
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:13,048
I guess you and me are just
gonna have to make new friends?
186
00:09:13,753 --> 00:09:14,743
[Grunts]
187
00:09:15,822 --> 00:09:17,017
[Girl groaning]
188
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,780
[Hair dryer running]
189
00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:21,293
[People chattering]
190
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:28,063
Miss Platter, where is this mother
you've been going on and on about?
191
00:09:28,468 --> 00:09:31,597
LUANNE: She's on her way.
MS. KREMZER: Yeah, sure.
192
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,331
[Bill laughing]
193
00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:37,975
LEANNE: So, you like being in the Army?
BILL: Oh, yeah, I love it.
194
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:39,374
I love it.
195
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:42,447
They tell us when to get up, what to wear...
196
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:45,541
when to eat.
They take all the guesswork out of living.
197
00:09:45,618 --> 00:09:47,643
Well, that's kind of like prison.
198
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:50,314
The best part was the food,
three meals a day.
199
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:51,949
Yeah, us, too.
200
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:55,656
LEANNE: Did y'all have those meal trays?
BILL: Five compartments.
201
00:09:55,728 --> 00:09:57,025
We only had four.
202
00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:00,931
Well, that's probably 'cause you were
in there to be punished.
203
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,893
Is that clear nail polish?
204
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:07,568
LEANNE: I just love a man
who takes care of his feet.
205
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:08,971
[Bill laughing]
206
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,669
You only get two.
207
00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:13,173
Did you know there's a spot on your foot...
208
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:16,216
that's connected to every part
of your whole body?
209
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:18,517
You want me to show you?
210
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:20,853
You wanna touch my feet?
211
00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:23,883
How else can I show you, silly?
212
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,281
[Bill moaning]
213
00:10:26,726 --> 00:10:28,990
Well, I can just rub these all night.
214
00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:30,790
I don't know.
215
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:36,479
Me having my feet rubbed all night
by a pretty girl, and feeling... Okay.
216
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:36,526
Me having my feet rubbed all night
by a pretty girl, and feeling... Okay.
217
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,128
[Door sliding]
218
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:41,733
HANK: Morning.
PEGGY: Morning.
219
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:44,677
LEANNE: Morning.
HANK: Morning.
220
00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:46,212
PEGGY: Morning.
BOBBY: Morning.
221
00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:48,670
LEANNE: Morning.
BILL: Morning.
222
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:49,938
[Both gasping]
223
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:51,579
BOBBY: Morning.
224
00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:58,254
Bill, there are some things you don't do
in another man's garage.
225
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,656
As of right now, Leanne is kicked out.
226
00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:03,389
Hey, Hank, see, our relationship
is just starting.
227
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:06,091
It's too soon to ask her
to move into my house.
228
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:09,192
We'd be moving faster
than the speed of love.
229
00:11:10,069 --> 00:11:11,093
Please?
230
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:12,327
[Sighs]
231
00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:14,068
All right.
232
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:17,542
Dangit. At this rate, my new workbench
is never gonna get used.
233
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:20,477
Oh, it got used last night.
234
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:24,282
Right after we took a little ride
on your mower.
235
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:25,475
[Shrieking]
236
00:11:25,552 --> 00:11:28,351
I got so scared when you didn't show up,
I thought...
237
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:32,949
you started drinking again,
and got in an accident or a gun fight.
238
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,557
I am so sorry, honey girl.
239
00:11:35,828 --> 00:11:38,957
I just lost track of the time. Forgive me.
240
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:41,399
HANK: Please, close the door.
241
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:44,303
Well, we still have today.
242
00:11:45,171 --> 00:11:46,798
Sorry. Excuse me.
243
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:51,200
Oh, me and Billy D. are going out
to celebrate today.
244
00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:53,676
LUANNE: But I wanted you to see
my puppet show.
245
00:11:53,846 --> 00:11:56,372
LUANNE: It's called The Manger Babies...
LEANNE: Honey.
246
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:59,510
...and it's about the animals
that lived in Jesus's manger.
247
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:02,055
LUANNE: There's a donkey and--
LEANNE: Honey.
248
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:06,386
Billy is the first good thing
to happen to me since I met your daddy.
249
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:09,554
After all I've been through,
don't you want me to be happy?
250
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,097
Of course I do.
251
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:13,595
LEANNE: Well, I knew you'd understand.
252
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:14,656
[Kissing]
253
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:16,558
[Giggling]
254
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:21,099
PEGGY: I would love to see your show.
LUANNE: Great.
255
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:24,642
You can save a seat for Mama,
in case she changes her mind.
256
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,275
[Pop vocal music playing]
257
00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:41,393
[Pop vocal music playing]
258
00:12:57,176 --> 00:12:58,666
[Pop vocal music playing]
259
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:21,422
Hey, Billy, let's go on down
to Ugly's and show off how in love we are.
260
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,060
Yeah, I'd like that...
261
00:13:23,269 --> 00:13:25,738
but I'm all tapped out
till my next paycheck.
262
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,899
We even spent my mad money.
263
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,738
Well, that's okay.
264
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,743
Foot rubs are free.
265
00:13:32,111 --> 00:13:35,342
BILL: You're spoiling me.
LEANNE: [High voice] You're worth it.
266
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:39,283
BILL: [Baby voice] I know that I am.
LEANNE: Lee-Lee's magic fingers gonna...
267
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:42,011
LEANNE: Oh, God! What is that?
BILL: What?
268
00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:44,247
Oh, that's just a little fungus.
269
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:49,254
What are Lee-Lee's magic fingers
gonna do?
270
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,923
Fungus? How do you get fungus?
271
00:13:53,099 --> 00:13:56,933
Don't worry. As soon as I get paid,
I'll get my prescription refilled...
272
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:59,131
and it'll clear up just like that.
273
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:03,209
Now, you're not gonna let a little fungus
come between us, are you?
274
00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:06,034
[Groans]
275
00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:08,039
I'll just get some almond oil.
276
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,882
Come and get it.
277
00:14:20,259 --> 00:14:21,249
[Groans]
278
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,128
[Hole piercing]
279
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,998
[Gulping]
280
00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:39,577
HANK: Now, normally I'd use a clamp
for this, but you'll do in a pinch.
281
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:43,172
Okay. If you want me
to hold it tight, say "T.๏ฟฝ
282
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:46,952
If you want me to hold it
real tight, say "RT."
283
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,585
That'll be our system.
284
00:14:48,654 --> 00:14:49,678
[Sighs]
285
00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,554
All right, *T."
286
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,818
[Hank yelling]
287
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,122
Dangit. I need my workbench.
288
00:14:59,198 --> 00:15:00,393
[Hank sighing]
289
00:15:05,371 --> 00:15:06,532
What the...
290
00:15:09,675 --> 00:15:10,665
[Gasping]
291
00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:15,136
Bobby, red alert. Get over to Dale's,
and lock the doors. Move!
292
00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:18,983
HANK: Peggy! It's Leanne. She's--
PEGGY: She's right here.
293
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:20,075
[Gasping]
294
00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:22,619
[Hank laughs nervously]
295
00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:26,352
PEGGY: Bill just invited us to a barbecue.
HANK: Why?
296
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,827
I mean, what's the occasion?
297
00:15:29,028 --> 00:15:30,723
We're engaged.
298
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:34,062
It was supposed to be a surprise!
299
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:35,763
[Bill groaning]
300
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:37,527
[Leanne burping]
301
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,128
I need a smoke.
302
00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:44,341
This is the happiest day of my life.
303
00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:50,145
[Hank grunting]
304
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:52,541
Bill?
305
00:15:53,085 --> 00:15:55,349
How should I put this? You know...
306
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:59,380
Leanne's first husband is hiding out
on an oil rig in the Gulf.
307
00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:04,296
And he swears he's not coming ashore
until I fax him her death certificate.
308
00:16:04,363 --> 00:16:07,060
Now, what makes you think
you're gonna do any better?
309
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:09,966
BILL: Because she loves me.
HANK: Then why did she hit you?
310
00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:14,269
Oh, that. Why, that's just a new
love game we made up yesterday.
311
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:17,537
It's not one of my favorites,
but she seems to like it.
312
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:21,407
This goes without saying, Bill,
but just in case it doesn't...
313
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:24,678
I am saying that you all cannot live
in my garage.
314
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:27,048
Nope. She's moving in with me today.
315
00:16:27,119 --> 00:16:29,588
My house is big enough for the two of us.
316
00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:31,815
Maybe even more.
317
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,017
[Bill laughing]
318
00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:38,159
LUANNE: Hey, Aunt Peggy. Look what I got.
319
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:39,966
What did you do?
320
00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:41,825
Mama's gonna love it.
321
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:45,803
I will not have you running around
all glammed up like Phyllis Diller.
322
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:47,601
You're not my mama.
323
00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:49,239
Mama's my mama.
324
00:16:49,308 --> 00:16:52,209
Luanne, you are never gonna see her
for what she is.
325
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:55,039
Well, I am sorry,
but I have not got time for the pain.
326
00:16:55,114 --> 00:16:57,105
The next time that woman
breaks your heart...
327
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,675
I won't be waiting there
to say I told you so.
328
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,584
Why won't you give Mama a chance?
329
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:04,316
She just really needs us to believe in her.
330
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:06,119
I believe in her, Luanne.
331
00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:08,192
I asked her to marry me.
332
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:10,619
You're gonna marry Mama?
333
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:11,853
[Laughing]
334
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,056
This is like a fairytale.
335
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,834
I'm gonna call you "Step daddy Bill."
336
00:17:16,903 --> 00:17:17,893
[Bill cooing]
337
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,438
You see, Aunt Peggy?
338
00:17:19,505 --> 00:17:22,440
I'm not the only one who thinks
Mama can change.
339
00:17:22,508 --> 00:17:23,498
[Leanne giggling]
340
00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:26,777
They grow up so fast.
341
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:28,804
[Glass breaking]
342
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:32,340
LEANNE: [Shouting] You stupid, fat,
stupid, ugly, son of...
343
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:35,011
It's just unbelievable.
344
00:17:35,087 --> 00:17:38,853
Every time, I find somebody like you.
345
00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:40,854
[Bill groaning]
346
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:44,824
BILL: Hey, fellas.
HANK: What happened to your eye?
347
00:17:45,164 --> 00:17:46,359
[Bill stuttering]
348
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:48,633
That's an interesting story.
349
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,829
You know what? I was walking...
350
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:54,072
and I walked into a door.
351
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:58,503
Wait a minute. How is that interesting?
352
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,809
DALE: I'm hungry. Where's the bride-to-be?
353
00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:07,751
Oh, she'll be out soon.
354
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:11,017
She just has
the pre-engagement party jitters.
355
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:13,749
Some kind of damn jitters.
356
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,655
Well, hey, everybody...
357
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,322
welcome to the party.
358
00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:20,661
Hey, here she is.
359
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:21,723
[Cheers]
360
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,360
Let's get it on!
361
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,768
Oh, no. What should we do?
362
00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:27,562
Well...
363
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,901
I am going to go close up the mustard
before it crusts.
364
00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:32,733
If you'll excuse me.
365
00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:34,402
[Sighing]
366
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:41,075
Okay, if she gets out of hand,
I'll go high, you guys go low.
367
00:18:41,153 --> 00:18:42,598
I'm ready for her. Pepper spray.
368
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,589
I'm ready for her. Pepper spray.
369
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,454
Fifty percent capsicum.
370
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:48,154
Mama, maybe you should eat something.
371
00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:50,525
Well, where's the damn food?
372
00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:53,689
Did Fungus-for-Brains
already gobble it all up?
373
00:18:54,266 --> 00:18:55,756
[Laughing] Gobble up, yeah.
374
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:57,064
[Leanne burping]
375
00:18:58,537 --> 00:18:59,527
[Bill gasps]
376
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,066
Hey, boys, she's back.
377
00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:04,409
Give it up for Lee-Lee.
378
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,569
[Music playing on stereo]
379
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,910
Poor, Bill.
His woman is making a fool of him.
380
00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:10,849
It happens.
381
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:14,946
LUANNE: Mama, please.
LEANNE: Will you quit calling me that?
382
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:17,249
I might be 34.
383
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:18,380
[Leanne cheers]
384
00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:19,925
LEANNE: Look at these!
385
00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:21,084
[Dale shuddering]
386
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:25,097
LEANNE: Hello, righty. Hello, lefty.
Say hi, everybody.
387
00:19:25,297 --> 00:19:27,732
PEGGY: I want to go home.
HANK: Thank God.
388
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:30,058
BOBBY: Hey!
389
00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:32,104
[Sobbing]
390
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:35,141
Well, come on, stud, show me some love!
391
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:38,434
Help! Get this skank off me!
392
00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:43,340
Fork!
393
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,310
You pimply little...
394
00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:46,748
[Screaming]
395
00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:50,782
Excuse me, ma'am, but that was my fork.
396
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:52,989
Poor Peggy. She's dead.
397
00:19:53,225 --> 00:19:57,025
Leanne, whether you like the title or not,
you are this girl's mother.
398
00:19:57,096 --> 00:20:00,532
She has been waiting her whole life
for a shred of attention from you.
399
00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:03,091
You don't know how to return a fraction
of the love...
400
00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:05,695
that you get from your child,
or from your man.
401
00:20:05,771 --> 00:20:08,331
I hope someday you can live
without alcohol.
402
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:12,771
But until that day, we can all live
very nicely without you.
403
00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:15,175
[Leanne gasping]
404
00:20:15,247 --> 00:20:16,271
Peggy.
405
00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:18,907
[Crying] Thank you for that. I'm sorry.
406
00:20:20,619 --> 00:20:23,350
I've been acting pretty foolish, everyone.
407
00:20:24,256 --> 00:20:25,985
You can let go of my hand.
408
00:20:29,428 --> 00:20:31,362
[Screaming]
409
00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:32,620
[Gasping]
410
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:34,764
PEGGY: Get her off of me! Hank!
411
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:36,497
[Leanne shrieking]
412
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:38,131
[Hank coughing]
413
00:20:38,204 --> 00:20:40,036
[All screaming]
414
00:20:40,506 --> 00:20:41,496
PEGGY: Hank!
415
00:20:41,607 --> 00:20:43,575
PEGGY: You had better get her off of me!
416
00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:47,545
I kicked your brother's ass,
and I will kick yours, too, sissy.
417
00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:49,945
Well, there's one thing
that you didn't count on.
418
00:20:50,015 --> 00:20:53,610
My brother has got size 6 feet, but I don't.
419
00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:55,714
PEGGY: Oh, yeah!
420
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:57,381
[Peggy grunting]
421
00:20:57,990 --> 00:21:00,857
[All cheering]
422
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:03,259
DALE: You kicked her ass.
HANK: Go, Peggy.
423
00:21:03,329 --> 00:21:06,060
Come on, Luanne,
let's get outta this dump.
424
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,499
[Exclaiming]
425
00:21:09,568 --> 00:21:11,593
You think you're better than me?
426
00:21:12,371 --> 00:21:15,432
Fine. Then I ain't your sister no more!
427
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:18,105
[Leanne crying]
428
00:21:20,679 --> 00:21:22,169
[Tires squealing]
429
00:21:24,316 --> 00:21:25,477
[Bill clearing throat]
430
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:33,558
BILL: Well, I guess we can start eating.
431
00:21:33,659 --> 00:21:37,527
You can't just let her steal your truck, Bill,
you gotta call the police.
432
00:21:37,596 --> 00:21:40,622
No, I think the best thing
to do is just let her go.
433
00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:44,233
If she doesn't come back,
it means we were never meant to be.
434
00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:47,034
And if she does come back, well, then...
435
00:21:47,506 --> 00:21:49,031
I'll call the police.
436
00:21:49,642 --> 00:21:51,974
BOBBY: You kicked her ass, Mama.
PEGGY: Yes, I did.
437
00:21:52,044 --> 00:21:55,241
BOBBY: But she's a better dancer.
PEGGY: You do not know that.
438
00:21:57,283 --> 00:21:59,479
LUANNE: What should I do
about Mr. Dauterive?
439
00:21:59,685 --> 00:22:02,086
He keeps introducing me as his daughter.
440
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:06,318
The parental bond is extremely strong,
even if it's not real.
441
00:22:06,392 --> 00:22:10,124
You know, the aunt-niece bond
is even stronger.
442
00:22:10,196 --> 00:22:11,630
I think so, too.
443
00:22:12,531 --> 00:22:15,228
Twin sisters may have the strongest bond.
444
00:22:15,701 --> 00:22:18,227
Especially if they're attached at the head.
445
00:22:18,637 --> 00:22:20,662
And next would be the aunt-niece bond.
446
00:22:20,739 --> 00:22:22,036
Oh, yeah.
447
00:22:22,141 --> 00:22:25,338
Strongest is the aunt-niece
attached at the head.
448
00:22:25,411 --> 00:22:26,922
Well, I don't know how that would happen,
but, yes, that would be very strong.
449
00:22:26,946 --> 00:22:28,380
Well, I don't know how that would happen,
but, yes, that would be very strong.
450
00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:32,980
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