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1
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,303
[Theme song playing]
2
00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:41,973
Hank, you have got to drive me
to school today. I cannot stop grading.
3
00:00:42,142 --> 00:00:44,042
[Hank mumbling incoherently]
4
00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:48,676
These are not spelling tests. They're
"What I Did On My Winter Break" essays.
5
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:52,708
I cannot waste a single grading minute.
I am known for my one-day turnaround.
6
00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,014
All right, but we got to hurry.
7
00:00:55,088 --> 00:00:58,581
Paint 'n' Paper is having their
"8:00 a.m. Madness Sale."�
8
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:03,352
PEGGY: Okay, trip to Dallas: "B,�
trip to Waco: "B"...
9
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:06,123
trip to New York City: "C."
10
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:07,958
[Hank gasps]
11
00:01:08,035 --> 00:01:10,060
HANK: What the hell?
PEGGY: Arlen: "A."
12
00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:11,193
[Kahn screaming]
13
00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:13,899
My neck is broken.
I sue you for everything you have!
14
00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:14,964
[Grumbles]
15
00:01:15,042 --> 00:01:18,637
It's Hank Hill. What's the point?
I have everything you have, but better.
16
00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:22,478
Kahn, on this side of the Earth,
we back out to the right.
17
00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:26,042
Yeah, just my luck.
I run into uninsured redneck.
18
00:01:26,153 --> 00:01:28,144
Not only am I insured...
19
00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:31,521
I happen to be a member
of the Perfect Payment Club.
20
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:36,524
My neck is broken!
21
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:42,633
WOMAN: Did you have anything
to drink this morning, Mr. Hill?
22
00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:44,603
Did you use a mouthwash or cough syrup?
23
00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:45,695
No.
24
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,934
Did you eat an unusual amount of sausage?
25
00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:49,567
Look, am I covered or not?
26
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:50,769
Yes, you're covered...
27
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:54,803
minus the deductible, and, of course,
your insurance rates will go up.
28
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:58,545
Why should my rates go up,
Miss Kailiki Alihi?
29
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:01,130
Well, it's going to cost us money
to fix your truck.
30
00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:01,177
Well, it's going to cost us money
to fix your truck.
31
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,256
What kind of insurance is that?
32
00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:06,850
Why don't I just take out a loan,
fix my truck, and avoid the middleman?
33
00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:09,555
You can't drive without proof of insurance.
34
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:13,464
However, you can avoid the rate increase
if you go to traffic school.
35
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:17,768
LUANNE: "Singles' Traffic School,�
"Smokers' Traffic School�...
36
00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:19,772
"Vegetarian Traffic School.�
37
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,269
It's like no matter what problem you have...
38
00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:24,174
they have a traffic school for it.
39
00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:26,576
Hey, "llce Cream Lovers' Traffic School"!
40
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,411
I can help you with your homework.
41
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:32,510
No, I don't need
any fancy frills or nonsense.
42
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,947
Here we go, right to the point.
43
00:02:35,022 --> 00:02:37,150
"Def-Ensive Driving School."�
44
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:41,155
Just hope they know more about driving
than they do about spelling.
45
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:48,595
[People murmuring]
46
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:51,138
Hey, what're you doing here, Hank Hill?
47
00:02:51,204 --> 00:02:53,764
Hillbilly Traffic School all full up?
48
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,330
Cut the comedy, Kahn.
49
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:58,538
It was your reckless disregard
of backing-out procedure...
50
00:02:58,612 --> 00:02:59,773
that put us here.
51
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:01,575
I want to see you taking notes.
52
00:03:01,648 --> 00:03:02,740
[Record scratching loudly]
53
00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:06,184
Yo yo yo yo yo!
Booda Sack in the house.
54
00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:11,554
[Rap music playing on loudspeaker]
55
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:15,653
BOODA: I want to welcome you all
to Def-Ensive Traffic School.
56
00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:18,994
That's right! Def-Ensive Traffic School.
57
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:23,003
I'm Def, and you all be 'fensive.
58
00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:24,499
[Crowd laughing]
59
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,200
Booda Sack, you crazy!
60
00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:29,208
Kidd Mookie. Hey! Yo...
61
00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:33,873
Check it out! Look at all the white people
we got up here in traffic school tonight.
62
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:36,609
And they say
only black people break the laws!
63
00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:37,673
[Howls]
64
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,278
But that's not true.
65
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,682
Shut up. Booda Sack on a roll!
66
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:44,053
BOODA: Check out girlfriend!
67
00:03:44,124 --> 00:03:45,785
Got a booty so big...
68
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:49,090
if you put numbers on it,
she could press license plates!
69
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,800
Check it out, Booda!
70
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:56,802
Hey, baby!
71
00:03:56,870 --> 00:04:01,034
Now, after class, you and I
got to do a little detention!
72
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,076
You know what I'm saying?
73
00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:06,368
This has nothing
to do with defensive driving.
74
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:10,784
Excuse me, sir, I don't mean
to criticize your lesson plan...
75
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:13,047
but do you have a lesson plan?
76
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,178
What'd you say?
77
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,951
You saying a black man
can't put together a lesson plan?
78
00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:20,323
Well, I got a lesson plan.
I ain't plannin' on teaching...
79
00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:22,088
less 'n' you shut up!
80
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:24,460
Hold on now. I didn't mean to be--
81
00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:26,761
Cracker, are you taking me serious?
82
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:28,231
[Booda screeching]
83
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,630
Gotchal
84
00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:30,760
KAHN: Cracker, cracker!
85
00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:34,637
Look, learning good driving skills
is no laughing matter.
86
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,836
Go, cracker!
87
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:37,934
[People chanting]
88
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,241
Go, cracker!
89
00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:43,446
Booda Sack? The Booda Sack?
90
00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:46,109
I saw him on TV three years ago...
91
00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:48,120
on Breakfast at the Apollo.
92
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:50,156
He was making fun of white people...
93
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:53,853
like how we talk funny
and we don't have any butts.
94
00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:57,022
He's one of the reasons
I want to be a comedian.
95
00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:00,426
Look, there's something
we haven't told you, Bobby...
96
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,127
but maybe now's the time.
97
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:05,433
You see, show business is inherently evil.
98
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:09,442
Hank, we agreed not to have this
discussion until Bobby is 15 years old.
99
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:12,178
I know, but it's time for some tough love.
100
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:14,509
Bobby, comedians are show-offs.
101
00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:18,484
Sure, they get beautiful women
and drive fast trucks, but eventually--
102
00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:20,350
They have fast trucks?
103
00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:24,320
You're missing the point, son.
Comedy is not a stable career.
104
00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:27,622
I'm gonna take you to
that traffic class tonight so you can see...
105
00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:30,994
the lonely, pathetic future
comedy has to offer.
106
00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:33,895
You mean it? I get to meet Booda Sack?
107
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:35,598
What am I gonna wear?
108
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:36,659
[Sighs]
109
00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:41,002
BOODA: You know, 'cause white people
would be driving like this...
110
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:43,702
all bent up over the steering wheel, going:
111
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:47,509
"Oh, dear! I think we've missed our exit."
112
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:50,883
See what I mean, Bobby? It's just sad.
113
00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:53,409
[Stifled laughter]
114
00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:55,921
Yeah, white people just like that!
115
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:59,483
Only one thing worse
than white people driving...
116
00:05:59,559 --> 00:06:01,550
and that's DWO:
117
00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:04,097
Driving While Oriental!
118
00:06:04,397 --> 00:06:05,489
[Kahn exclaims]
119
00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:06,691
Cheap shot!
120
00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:10,464
You the man, Booda Sack!
You know what I'm saying?
121
00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:12,038
Bobby, he'll see you.
122
00:06:12,138 --> 00:06:16,041
Hey, Opie Taylor,
get your butt up here on stage!
123
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:17,640
[Booda affirming]
124
00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:19,468
Poppin' fresh!
125
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:23,447
Now, see here, Mr. Sack...
126
00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:25,142
that's my boy, and--
127
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,277
Hey, it's all good, baby. it's all good.
128
00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:29,686
I was just playing with my man here.
129
00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:32,088
What's your name, young brother?
130
00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:33,951
Bobby Hill.
131
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:36,826
Bouncing Bobby Hill! Now, tell me, Bobby...
132
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:39,799
does your old man drink a lot of beer?
133
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:41,095
Oh, yeah.
134
00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:45,404
BOODA: Don't lie now, Bobby.
135
00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:47,873
Does he just stand around all day...
136
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:51,241
drinking beer with
all his other white friends, going:
137
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,004
"Yeah"?
138
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:55,707
No, they go, "Yep."
139
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:57,381
[Crowd laughs]
140
00:06:58,351 --> 00:06:59,648
Sit down, son.
141
00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:02,814
They're not laughing with you,
they're laughing at me.
142
00:07:02,889 --> 00:07:05,722
Now, little blood,
tell me why you're in the house.
143
00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:09,786
Did you get a ticket for rubbing
your butt too hard on your banana seat?
144
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,490
My dad brought me here.
145
00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:15,523
He wanted to show me how sad
and lonesome you are underneath.
146
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:18,435
You right. You right.
147
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:22,704
Booda Sack is a sad man.
148
00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:29,373
But not as sad as your daddy's
sorry self with his four eyes...
149
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:34,080
two-minute pies,
super-size, Cracker-Jack prize.
150
00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:35,847
Somebody help me, come on!
151
00:07:35,922 --> 00:07:38,186
And he likes French fries.
152
00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:39,549
[Crowd roars]
153
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:40,991
Ladies and gentlemen...
154
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,962
this kid is going to be the white Rerun.
155
00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:47,591
The white Rerun. We got him right here!
156
00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:53,334
Hey, Hank, how's Driver's Ed?
157
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,463
[Bill laughs]
158
00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:58,011
I only ask 'cause I'm concerned.
159
00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:01,378
I still have one more class till I'm through.
160
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:04,276
Everyone knows you back out to the right.
161
00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:07,218
DALE: Don't take a brain surgeon.
BOOMHAUER: Common knowledge.
162
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:09,949
Thirteen years,
Dave Hanson lived in that house.
163
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,082
Never once did he back into me.
164
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:14,718
Yeah, of course,
he was a 500-pound shut-in.
165
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,126
Shame he had to move.
166
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,427
They replaced that wall pretty nice, though.
167
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,967
BILL: That looks all right.
168
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:22,934
BOOMHAUER: Matched the paint
and everything.
169
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:26,029
BOBBY: Yo, yo! Bobby Hill is in the house!
170
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:28,131
What the--
171
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,404
BOBBY: Would you look at
all the white people...
172
00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:32,809
standing around. Ain't got no butts.
173
00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:35,472
Y'all the no-butt-havingest people.
174
00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:37,245
BILL: No butts!
175
00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:41,176
You know, white people
always be walking around like this...
176
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:44,588
like they be crushing diamonds
in there or something.
177
00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:47,058
Look at me, I'm white.
178
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:53,092
Y'all, peace up, I'm Audi.
179
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,793
[Rap music playing on radio]
180
00:08:57,904 --> 00:09:01,363
White people do walk like that, really,
especially in the army.
181
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:03,833
Man, that stuff about no butt!
182
00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:07,356
Man! I tell you why it's funny, man.
'Cause it's dang old true.
183
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:07,403
Man! I tell you why it's funny, man.
'Cause it's dang old true.
184
00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:10,580
Look, I appreciate you guys
humoring Bobby...
185
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:15,053
but what the boy needs right now
is to be demoralized into giving this up.
186
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:17,283
I thought he was funny, Hank.
187
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:19,849
"Look at me, I'm white!"
188
00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:25,525
Bill, leave the comedy to the professionals.
189
00:09:25,598 --> 00:09:26,588
Yes, sir.
190
00:09:30,537 --> 00:09:32,596
[Country music playing on speaker]
191
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:35,608
Booda Sack, I'm Bobby Hill.
192
00:09:35,675 --> 00:09:38,235
I was in your class the other night,
and I saw you...
193
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:39,540
on Breakfast at the Apollo.
194
00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:41,011
You saw that?
195
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,914
Yeah, I did some TV a few years back.
196
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:45,712
Did the L.A. thing.
197
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,680
Sit down. Have a bottle of ketchup.
198
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:51,580
Ketchup!
199
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:55,622
So, how come you're in Arlen?
I mean, you're really good.
200
00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:59,857
I got a little risqu� on Moesha
a couple of years ago...
201
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:02,965
and it's been hard for me ever since.
202
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:05,198
Anyway, TV's not where it's at, Bobby.
203
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:08,202
It's just giving
people the same old stereotypes...
204
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,834
playing the same old stories.
I didn't want to do that.
205
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:13,311
What I want to do is make people laugh...
206
00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:14,710
and think.
207
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,072
You know what I'm saying?
208
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:18,880
That's why you teach traffic school.
209
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:19,942
Yeah.
210
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:22,445
That's why I teach traffic school.
211
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:25,650
Hey, I've been working on some new stuff.
Check it out.
212
00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:27,090
"White people think...
213
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,095
"the hood is something
on their sweatshirt.�
214
00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:32,023
[Bobby muttering]
215
00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:35,224
How come the cops
always be pulling me over?
216
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:37,199
What's up with that?
217
00:10:37,770 --> 00:10:42,139
Bobby, let me give you
a little piece of constructive criticism.
218
00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:44,209
You're not black.
219
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:45,745
Oh, okay.
220
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:48,611
I mean, you got to be real.
You know what I'm saying?
221
00:10:48,681 --> 00:10:49,705
Not really.
222
00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:51,011
You're a white man.
223
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:53,686
Get in touch with your white roots.
224
00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:56,484
Think of the stuff that's funny
from your point of view.
225
00:10:56,756 --> 00:10:57,746
Well...
226
00:10:57,857 --> 00:11:00,189
my dad's got a narrow urethra.
227
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,595
Now, that's funny!
228
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,324
But my dad says comedy isn't a real job.
229
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:08,129
Comedy ain't about listening to your dad.
230
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:12,365
You think Shucky-Ducky got the way
he was by listening to his daddy?
231
00:11:12,639 --> 00:11:15,734
Listen, I got Adult Comedy Jam
Sunday nights.
232
00:11:15,808 --> 00:11:17,867
As soon as you get real, come on down.
233
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,673
Thanks, Booda Sack.
234
00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:25,616
[Vise squeaking]
235
00:11:26,819 --> 00:11:29,481
Dad, Booda Sack says I'm funny...
236
00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:31,718
and I could go up on his amateur night.
237
00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:35,421
Son, let me put this in terms
you can understand.
238
00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:38,296
I am not down with that.
239
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,929
What I mean is "no."
240
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,864
Booda Sack says I shouldn't listen to you.
241
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:49,307
He says good comedians are rebels,
and they never listen to their dads.
242
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:50,399
What?
243
00:11:50,476 --> 00:11:53,844
Now that guy is trying
to turn my own kid against me?
244
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:55,982
You have no manners.
245
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:59,144
It's obvious that your mother
did not raise you right.
246
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:00,309
[Whimpering]
247
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:02,081
What? You talking about my mother?
248
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:03,987
Let me tell you about your mother.
249
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:08,494
Your mother is so fat,
she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
250
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:10,353
What?
251
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:14,594
BOODA: That's right. I say your mama
is so fat that she freebases ham!
252
00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:18,467
First of all, my mother is not overweight.
253
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,973
She weighs 120 pounds...
254
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,907
which is perfectly normal
for a woman her age.
255
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:26,105
I said your mama's so fat...
256
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:29,547
when she walks around in high heels,
she strikes oil!
257
00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:33,410
I don't think
you've ever even met my mother.
258
00:12:33,519 --> 00:12:37,456
If you want to pick on someone,
at least have the courage to pick on me.
259
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:38,681
[Affirming]
260
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,955
Your urethra is so narrow...
261
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:44,827
sperm be going through there single file.
262
00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:47,958
Hut, two, three, four!
Sperm, two, three, four!
263
00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:50,560
Okay, that's it, potty-mouth.
I've had enough.
264
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:53,367
This is supposed to be a classroom.
I'm leaving.
265
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,601
You leave my class,
and I'm gonna flunk you!
266
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,507
Yeah, we'll see about that.
267
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,672
BOBBY: Mom, you got a minute?
268
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:06,142
Of course, Bobby. Anything for you, honey.
269
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:07,910
[Timer vibrating]
270
00:13:07,987 --> 00:13:09,386
Now, what is it?
271
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:13,153
I'm trying to find my roots.
You know, what I'm all about.
272
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,627
Honey, your roots are very rich.
273
00:13:15,695 --> 00:13:19,290
Your grandfather and his father
and his father's father...
274
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:21,834
were all married and bought houses...
275
00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:24,097
and had jobs and had children.
276
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:27,970
But did they do anything funny?
277
00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:29,198
[Laughs]
278
00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:32,973
Bobby, honey, it sounds like
you've never heard of a butter churn...
279
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,878
with a mind of its own.
280
00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:38,982
And your Great Aunt Charlotte:
We used to call her Mrs. Magoo...
281
00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:41,043
because she couldn't see well.
282
00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:43,519
And she drank.
283
00:13:44,223 --> 00:13:45,384
[Timer dings]
284
00:13:45,892 --> 00:13:49,419
And the butter churn had a mind of its own.
285
00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:53,588
Dang!
286
00:13:53,966 --> 00:13:57,197
It's kind of funny in an old person's way.
287
00:13:57,503 --> 00:14:00,200
You're so lucky, Connie. You're ethnic.
288
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:03,202
Joseph and I are just nothing.
289
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,770
We're just white and boring.
290
00:14:05,945 --> 00:14:06,935
Yeah.
291
00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:12,646
HANK: Then he said my mother was so
big, her stretch marks had names.
292
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:15,086
MANAGER: Has he ever seen your mother?
HANK: No.
293
00:14:15,154 --> 00:14:16,383
Is she overweight?
294
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:17,514
Not by half.
295
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,490
Then that's not funny.
296
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:21,957
I never did get that Booda Sack.
297
00:14:22,061 --> 00:14:24,029
Tell Mr. Sack I'd like to see him.
298
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:27,657
HANK: And another thing, these
videotapes he's showing are too mild.
299
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:30,998
I'd like to recommend a movie
I saw in high school...
300
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:32,731
called Red Asphalt.
301
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:35,968
Showed a fellow's brains
being scraped off the road.
302
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,669
Now, that kept me straight.
303
00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:39,769
I like the way you think, Mr. Hill.
304
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:40,971
What's up, Boom-Boom?
305
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,776
I told you not to call me that.
306
00:14:42,849 --> 00:14:44,715
Now Mr. Hill here has a complaint.
307
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:48,550
It ain't my fault he don't got a butt.
Tell him to take it up with God.
308
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:51,249
Now, Booda,
we've talked about this before.
309
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:54,123
You can't say
those types of things in class.
310
00:14:54,193 --> 00:14:56,457
You're offending people like Mr. Hill here.
311
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,793
I got something called freedom of speech.
312
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:00,594
Ever heard of the First Amendment?
313
00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:03,397
Thomas Jefferson is turning over
in his grave right now...
314
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:04,664
and the slave lady's on top.
315
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:08,298
Now, see here,
Thomas Jefferson was a Founding Father.
316
00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:10,638
He designed and built his own house.
317
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:14,510
Now, calm down, you two. Sack,
go put the fancy candles on the tables.
318
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,571
I'll deal with you later.
319
00:15:17,683 --> 00:15:20,880
Tell you what, Mr. Hill,
he won't teach here again.
320
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,389
Now, I'm not supposed to do this...
321
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:27,654
but why don't I transfer you to our
chocoholics class for the last segment?
322
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,558
How about that?
323
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,592
JOSEPH: If we get on the Internet,
maybe we could find out...
324
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:39,934
something funny about white people.
325
00:15:40,072 --> 00:15:41,062
Yeah!
326
00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:44,804
Now, we could enter in keywords,
and then find material for your act.
327
00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:46,675
This is a great idea.
328
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:48,737
What words should we use?
329
00:15:49,081 --> 00:15:52,176
"White." "Roots.� "Funny."
330
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:55,112
[Exclaims]
331
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:57,720
[Patriotic music playing on computer]
332
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,057
[Footsteps approaching]
333
00:16:09,335 --> 00:16:12,202
BOBBY: You guys busy?
DALE: We can take a break.
334
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,107
'Cause if anybody's going downtown...
335
00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:18,576
I need a ride to the comedy club
to try out my new material.
336
00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:22,611
That's funny. Hey, you all coming?
337
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:25,982
No, man, you count me out of that.
Dang old cocktail waitresses.
338
00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:28,521
Two of them. I found out
they were roommates, man.
339
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,852
That dang old double boink, man.
340
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:33,182
[Brakes screeching]
341
00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:36,285
KAHN: What did you do to Booda Sack,
Hank? He was fired.
342
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:39,261
Now we got to sit through prop comic.
343
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,232
I covered in watermelon.
344
00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:44,767
I feel bad about that,
but the man brought it on himself...
345
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,169
with his own locker-room mouth.
346
00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:50,504
HANK: Boomhauer, where'd everybody go?
347
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:53,068
I tell you what, man.
They took that dang old truck.
348
00:16:53,145 --> 00:16:55,739
Dang old muffler falling off,
it ain't got no brakes.
349
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:58,375
Sparks flying. Like I told him,
fix that dang old thing...
350
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:00,078
put on some duct tape, man.
351
00:17:00,152 --> 00:17:02,780
What? They took Bobby to Snapz?
352
00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:06,821
[Crowd laughing uproariously]
353
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:10,327
Oh, me, oh, my!
354
00:17:10,429 --> 00:17:13,023
Now that's what I call
general haberdashery!
355
00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:15,163
[Hip-hop music playing on speaker]
356
00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:19,467
Bobby, do that one about how the cops
always be pulling you over.
357
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:22,802
I don't do those kind of
jokes anymore, Mr. Dauterive.
358
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,604
I've got a whole new act.
359
00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:27,078
Poppin' Fresh is keeping it real.
360
00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:29,648
All right! Let's hear it one more time...
361
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:32,150
for my main man, Toenail. All right!
362
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,550
Give him a little depth. Now settle down.
363
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:36,986
We got a special treat
for all of y'all tonight.
364
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:40,356
The youngest comic
to ever set foot on this stage.
365
00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:43,418
Give it up for Bobby Hill!
366
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:48,233
So how's everybody doing tonight?
367
00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:51,834
All right!
368
00:17:52,438 --> 00:17:53,667
Okay.
369
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:56,003
How many people here are lucky enough...
370
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:59,534
to be members of the Nordic subgroup
of the Aryan race?
371
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:01,477
Can I see some hands?
372
00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:05,811
[Microphone feedback]
373
00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:08,978
It's tough being a white man these days.
374
00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:11,956
It's tough, I tell you. Folks, I'm so white...
375
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:15,324
during the riots, I went out
and bought a television.
376
00:18:15,494 --> 00:18:16,655
[Woman gasps]
377
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,197
WOMAN: What did he say?
378
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,225
Is this thing on?
379
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,667
MAN: Fake!
WOMAN: Get off the stage!
380
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:24,826
[Dale groans]
381
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:26,633
Bobby's in trouble.
382
00:18:30,476 --> 00:18:32,877
Dale! Where's Bobby? What's going on?
383
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,811
Well, he's no Toenail.
384
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:39,178
BOBBY: Okay.
385
00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:42,987
I know. Here's an old joke
I heard on the Internet.
386
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:46,089
It takes place in the slavery days of yore.
387
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,086
What? Bobby, no!
388
00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:50,326
Wait a minute, everybody.
389
00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:52,462
This is my son up here.
390
00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:54,363
And he's only 12 years old.
391
00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:56,492
Somebody shut that Nazi up!
392
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,333
Shut up, you whitey!
393
00:18:58,704 --> 00:19:00,832
Look, he doesn't know what he's saying.
394
00:19:00,906 --> 00:19:03,204
MAN: Well, who are you?
The Grand Wizard?
395
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:07,375
No, I sell propane and propane accessories.
396
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,811
What's going on here?
Let me get a piece of this.
397
00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:13,575
Opie...
398
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:16,811
that new act of yours is seriously unfunny.
399
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:18,414
Am I right, y'all?
400
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:23,085
You ain't allowed to talk that way,
not in America!
401
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,926
Am I right, y'all?
402
00:19:25,631 --> 00:19:26,826
Wrong!
403
00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:31,365
We got a thing called freedom of speech.
404
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:33,262
And a man on this stage...
405
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:36,570
can say any dumb-ass thing he wants!
406
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:42,704
[Grunts]
407
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:47,784
And besides, look at this kid's daddy!
408
00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:50,888
The man don't got no butt at all,
no butt at all!
409
00:19:50,956 --> 00:19:52,890
I mean, his booty's so small...
410
00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:56,394
he got to hold on to the light cord
to keep from falling in the toilet!
411
00:19:56,495 --> 00:19:59,521
He gonna drown, get his hands wet.
412
00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:01,464
I mean, look at this man's booty.
413
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:05,493
Booty so small, he gonna hula hoop
with a Cheerio.
414
00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:08,733
With a Cheerio, not Fruit Loops, Cheerio!
415
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:14,807
[Whistling]
416
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:16,175
[Cheering]
417
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:19,579
HANK: I got to thank you, Mr. Sack.
418
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:22,451
You kept a cool head in a crisis situation.
419
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:25,616
Booda Sack, I'm sorry that I wasn't funny.
420
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:29,420
Don't worry about it, Bobby.
Rerun didn't start off that funny.
421
00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:33,090
Thanks for saving my boy
and not holding it against me...
422
00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:35,293
that you were fired from teaching.
423
00:20:35,367 --> 00:20:39,304
If you're looking for a real job,
you ought to consider a career in propane.
424
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:43,472
You know, this whole humor fad
is pretty much on the way out.
425
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:46,108
HANK: Good job, Roger.
426
00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:49,273
You know, I want to apologize
for all those things I said...
427
00:20:49,381 --> 00:20:51,543
about your mother not raising you right.
428
00:20:51,617 --> 00:20:54,712
I'm sure if she had planned for you,
it would have been different.
429
00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:56,551
What? Don't make me go upside your--
430
00:20:56,622 --> 00:20:57,953
Gotcha. Just kidding.
431
00:20:58,023 --> 00:21:01,584
Check it out, Drew Carey has finally
developed a sense of humor.
432
00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:03,059
That's all right.
433
00:21:03,129 --> 00:21:05,757
Hey, Drew Carey! Your mama is so ugly...
434
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:08,857
when she walks in the bank,
they turn off the camera.
435
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,532
And your mother is so ugly...
436
00:21:12,037 --> 00:21:14,165
it affects her self-esteem.
437
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:17,808
Your mama got
so much hair under her arms...
438
00:21:17,877 --> 00:21:20,005
it looks like she got Buckwheat
in a headlock.
439
00:21:20,079 --> 00:21:22,776
Your mother's hair is so short...
440
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:27,149
she looks like she's not a woman
at all, but more like a man.
441
00:21:27,653 --> 00:21:29,917
You got to work on that one.
Check this out.
442
00:21:29,989 --> 00:21:32,924
It's been so long
since your mama's last bath...
443
00:21:32,992 --> 00:21:36,519
that her hairy armpits
smell like propane gas.
444
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:39,758
Now, excuse me. Hold on there, fella.
A joke's a joke...
445
00:21:39,832 --> 00:21:41,857
but now you've gone too far.
446
00:21:41,934 --> 00:21:43,800
Propane has no natural odor.
447
00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:47,806
What you smell was actually put there
by man for safety purposes.
448
00:21:54,814 --> 00:21:56,475
Hello, I'm Hank Hill.
449
00:21:56,549 --> 00:21:58,039
And I'm Roger Sack.
450
00:21:58,450 --> 00:22:02,148
Tonight's episode dealt with
racial stereotypes...
451
00:22:02,221 --> 00:22:05,885
especially the myth
that white people do not have butts.
452
00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:08,684
As you can see
from the man standing next to me...
453
00:22:08,761 --> 00:22:10,195
that's simply not true.
454
00:22:10,262 --> 00:22:11,525
Thank you, Roger.
455
00:22:11,630 --> 00:22:13,428
It's a damn fine butt.
456
00:22:14,433 --> 00:22:15,662
Yeah, thank you.
457
00:22:15,734 --> 00:22:17,463
That butt is the bomb.
458
00:22:17,970 --> 00:22:20,962
I think it's time for The X-Files.
459
00:22:22,107 --> 00:22:24,542
Now! Go!
460
00:22:24,610 --> 00:22:27,136
TOENAIL: Now that's what I call
general haberdashery!
461
00:22:27,186 --> 00:22:31,736
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