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1
00:00:04,304 --> 00:00:06,966
[Theme music]
2
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HANK: All right, Bobby. Why don't you
read that Sunday-school report to me...
3
00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:40,739
like I'm a customer, and
you're trying to win my business?
4
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,000
Okay.
5
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:45,874
"The man I admire most
is my dad, Hank Hill.
6
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:49,877
"He sells propane
and propane accessories.�
7
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:51,642
I like it already, son.
8
00:00:52,085 --> 00:00:55,453
You've grabbed my attention,
and got me eager for more.
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00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:58,251
STRICKLAND: Howdy, Hank!
HANK: Mr. Strickland.
10
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,521
STRICKLAND:
What ya got there, old chap?
11
00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:04,029
"The man I most admire, my daddy."
12
00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:06,356
Oh, you got that right, Bobby.
13
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:11,398
15 years, I promoted him 15 times,
all the way to Assistant Manager.
14
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You should be proud, son. You're his seed.
15
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�I'm my daddy's seed.�
16
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:20,310
Hank, I gotta grunt.
17
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,879
Let's take a little meeting in the back.
18
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:26,816
Bobby, here's the key
to the March of Dimes gumball machine.
19
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:28,613
All you can eat.
20
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:34,491
Hank, you ever heard of
Holloway Hollows?
21
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:37,129
Isn't that that new development
that promises:
22
00:01:37,197 --> 00:01:39,996
"country-club living at Price Club prices"?
23
00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:43,833
STRICKLAND: Yeah, that's the one.
They're gonna need a propane supplier.
24
00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:47,807
Holloway himself has come down here
from Boston to check us out.
25
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,000
This one is big, Hank.
26
00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:51,935
Here's your sales kit.
27
00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:57,244
-Rental-car keys?
-Big old Caddy!
28
00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:01,449
Yankees eat that stuff up
like a baby at his mama's malt shop.
29
00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:04,748
What the heck is this?
30
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:08,819
That's one of them new counterfeit-proof
Benny Franklin hundred-dollar bills.
31
00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:11,592
Sir, this is Hank Hill you're talking to.
32
00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:15,295
I'm not gonna need all that
James Bond stuff to make the deal.
33
00:02:15,435 --> 00:02:18,769
Well, Hank, I don't want to sneeze
during your back swing.
34
00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:22,605
But we got some competition.
M.F. That her ton.
35
00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:25,476
That her ton?
36
00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:32,984
STRICKLAND: Sorry to call a meeting
in the skunk works, boys.
37
00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:35,720
Now, I promise not to make a habit of it.
38
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:37,480
[Turns tap off]
39
00:02:39,926 --> 00:02:43,760
Boy, That her ton, those are some
pretty tough sales quotas, I tell you what.
40
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:45,298
You wanna meet the quota?
41
00:02:45,365 --> 00:02:48,665
Take some propane to an old-age home.
Tell them it's oxygen.
42
00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:50,667
You can't do that to old people.
43
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,573
Aren't you the company man!
44
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:57,435
You see, that's the difference between us.
You're a worker bee...
45
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,741
-and I'm a queen.
-Say, huh?
46
00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:02,942
I'm going out on my own.
That her ton Fuels.
47
00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:06,077
I already signed
Strickland's top three accounts.
48
00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:08,144
Well, you've got one heck of a nerve.
49
00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:11,020
Plotting against a man
while his seat's still warm!
50
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:14,755
Take a good look around, Hank,
'cause you ain't going nowhere.
51
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,420
That's where you're wrong.
52
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,099
You can count on me, sir.
53
00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:21,999
I appreciate your vote of confidence,
and I just want to--
54
00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:24,436
STRICKLAND: Hank?
A little privacy, do you mind?
55
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:30,867
[Rock 'n' roll music playing]
56
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:41,177
BILL: Look at this! It's long!
57
00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:44,590
It's like... It's so... It's big.
58
00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:48,560
Look at the size of old Ben Franklin's head.
59
00:03:48,695 --> 00:03:50,595
He truly was the Homely Genius.
60
00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:53,998
Well, take a good look. 'Cause it's
going back to Strickland on Monday.
61
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,593
PEGGY: Aren't you supposed to spend it
on your big client?
62
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:59,970
When have I ever needed a three-figure
entertainment budget...
63
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,371
to sell propane?
64
00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:04,501
I'm gonna close this deal
the same way I always do.
65
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:08,171
A cup of coffee, a slice of pie
and a handshake.
66
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:11,643
And if I hit a snag, pie a la mode.
67
00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:15,578
[Musical honk]
68
00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:19,785
HANK: Would you stop that? That horn
is for highway emergency use only!
69
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:24,798
And you two, get off! I've gotta return
this pimpmobile in the same condition.
70
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:29,229
Why you have silly cow car, Hank?
71
00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:33,535
Hank's entertaining a business prospect
from the East, Mr. Kahn.
72
00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:36,199
Oh, I see, Hank suck up to make sale.
73
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:40,543
Kahn, I have never had to suck up
to make a sale, and I never will.
74
00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:45,612
What do you suppose
the Holloways look like?
75
00:04:45,685 --> 00:04:47,551
You know those Boston types.
76
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,682
Probably small, pale,
and wearing penny loafers.
77
00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:55,023
-Put 'er there, partner!
-Mr. Holloway?
78
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:57,826
Is a prom dress tight after a six-pack?
79
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,857
Which way to your Cadillac?
80
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,561
This one is in the bag.
81
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,664
How'd you like to freshen up
with a nice hot towel?
82
00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:10,267
And here's one for you.
83
00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:13,074
Dang, these are Texas-size hot towels!
84
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,046
You know, Peggy heated these towels...
85
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:18,346
on our propane-powered Hotpoint range.
86
00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:20,477
Did a great job, I'll tell you what.
87
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,452
�I'll tell you what."
88
00:05:22,522 --> 00:05:25,583
I like that. I'm gonna say it while I'm here.
89
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:29,723
Well, I'd like to tell you what
Strickland can do...
90
00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:31,264
to meet your energy needs.
91
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:35,067
You see, at Strickland,
the customer comes first.
92
00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:39,129
It's kinda interesting,
the word "customer"� begins with "C.U."
93
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:42,567
Well, we don't "see you"
as just another sale...
94
00:05:42,642 --> 00:05:44,770
but as a member of our team.
95
00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:51,550
[Whispering] Pie.
96
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,519
HANK: Do you like pie?
BOBBY: I do!
97
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,454
HANK: They got the best pie in town here,
Mr. Holloway.
98
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:05,499
And it's cooked
with Strickland propane, too.
99
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:08,993
Hey, look! There's a real
old Texas jukebox.
100
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:11,094
Just like in The Last Picture Show!
101
00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:14,103
What'll you have, Hank? Salesman special?
102
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:18,508
Yes, ma'am. Three slices of pecan pie
and two cups of coffee.
103
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:22,248
-And three scoops of ice cream.
-Now, hold on, son.
104
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:25,075
Let me let you in on a little salesman trick.
105
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:28,349
Don't start off with ice cream right away.
106
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:31,584
'Cause if you run into a hitch,
you got no place to go.
107
00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:34,684
HOLLOWAY: What kind of Texas jukebox
is that, for crying out loud?
108
00:06:34,761 --> 00:06:36,695
It doesn't even have the theme
from Dallas.
109
00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:39,425
HANK: Mr. Holloway,
I won't beat around the bush.
110
00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:43,026
There's 14 reasons
to go with Strickland Propane.
111
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,628
[Holloway humming]
112
00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:50,003
14 very compelling reasons.
113
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:54,272
[Singing] J.R., J.R., he's a really bad guy
114
00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:57,678
who lives on a ranch with his mom
115
00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:02,019
Say, I'm gonna call you "J.R.�
from now on!
116
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,720
Well, howdy, Hank.
117
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:09,056
Ain't you gonna introduce me
to your golden-throated friend, here?
118
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:12,462
Sure, I'll introduce you. Mr. Holloway...
119
00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:15,192
this is the only man ever censured...
120
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,828
by the Texas Propane Association...
121
00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:21,602
for lewdness and conduct
unbecoming a propane salesman.
122
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:24,573
M.F. That her ton. That her ton Fuels.
123
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,042
Dang glad to meet you, M.F.
124
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,377
-The M.F. stands for--
-"My friend"!
125
00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:32,213
'Cause at That her ton Fuels,
we're everybody's friend.
126
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:35,380
And we want to be your friend, too,
Mr. Holloway.
127
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,967
Who's this, Hank?
Your district sales manager?
128
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:38,048
Who's this, Hank?
Your district sales manager?
129
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:41,617
I'm his son, Bobby. I'm waiting for my pie.
130
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:44,727
I can see you get your sense of humor
from your daddy.
131
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:48,166
He gets his sense of humor from
both his parents, thank you very much.
132
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:50,427
Pleasure meeting you, Holloway.
133
00:07:50,537 --> 00:07:54,474
I'll let old Hank
get on with his "14 reasons� speech.
134
00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:58,242
Bobby, you can tell
your Sunday-school class...
135
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:02,009
that you met a real Texan today,
M.F. That her ton.
136
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:08,754
Jo Tiffany, you better make that
pie a la mode.
137
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,320
HANK: Under your very feet,
Mr. Holloway...
138
00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:20,162
is what's called the propane crossroads.
139
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:25,133
It's the only place in the world you can
straddle the East and West pipelines.
140
00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:29,208
You want Texas, Mr. Holloway?
This is Texas.
141
00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:32,471
HOLLOWAY: Where are the oil wells?
Where are the rattlers?
142
00:08:32,545 --> 00:08:34,741
J.R., I want to buy a six-shooter.
143
00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:42,879
PEGGY: Careful now, this Frito pie
is spicy, spicy, spicy.
144
00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:45,657
Oh. Oh.
145
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:46,749
Mmm.
146
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,022
That's yummy. Yes, it's wonderful.
147
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:51,689
But, Peggy, you shouldn't make
such a fuss over me.
148
00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:54,132
I just want you to be yourself
while I'm here.
149
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,635
That is the only gal I know how to be.
150
00:08:57,670 --> 00:09:00,002
I told you nicely to buy me a gun.
151
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:02,973
Well, I know it's always fun
to take home a keepsake...
152
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,273
but your time is so valuable.
153
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:06,936
[Sighing]
154
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:10,415
Look at all this nothing!
What's the suicide rate out here?
155
00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:12,440
Do you mean right here?
156
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:15,648
'Cause this is where
Holloway Hollows is going up.
157
00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:18,013
Something's wrong.
158
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:20,719
Yeah, it's the darn unions.
Come on, boys...
159
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:23,286
finish up them Little Debbies
and get back to work.
160
00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:25,695
No, no. Something's wrong with you.
161
00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:30,893
HOLLOWAY: Where's your cowboy boots?
HANK: I don't have cowboy boots.
162
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:35,699
You know, Mr. Holloway,
Texas has changed a lot since the 1850s.
163
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:40,244
Jeez. I just wanted to see some boots
or spurs, or anything.
164
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,710
I come all the way from Boston
to see Texas.
165
00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:45,274
And you don't have real boots,
or guns, or nothing.
166
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:48,518
That her ton!
167
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:52,022
You know, Mr. Holloway,
I once had a pair of boots.
168
00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:53,682
And...
169
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:57,856
And then, one day,
my Uncle Fess lost his in a tornado.
170
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,366
HOLLOWAY: Oh, you mean a twister?
HANK: Yep.
171
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:04,301
A big Texas-sized twister, I tell you what.
172
00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:08,767
Well, that dang twister
sucked his boots plumb off.
173
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:12,009
Well, you can't bury a man
in his stocking feet.
174
00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:15,776
It's the Cowboy Code.
So I gave him my boots.
175
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:18,910
And that's the story
of what happened to my boots.
176
00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:21,044
This is great, J.R.!
177
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:24,648
I always thought you were afraid
to wear boots 'cause your toes are fat.
178
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:27,527
In the summer of 1953...
179
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:30,689
something that I treasure
happened right there in that pink house.
180
00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:31,730
What, Peggy?
181
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:35,359
The noted poet Ogden Nash
wrote his poem, The Cow.
182
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:37,630
"The cow is of the bovine ilk
183
00:10:38,004 --> 00:10:40,564
"One end is moo, the other, milk"
184
00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:46,904
[Grunting]
185
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:48,174
Sir...
186
00:10:48,748 --> 00:10:53,276
I don't really recommend a cowboy boot
for a chubby-toed customer like yourself.
187
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:56,147
You might want to try
a Birkenstock sandal.
188
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,949
Shut the hell up.
189
00:10:59,425 --> 00:11:02,622
-Here's your spurs, J.R.!
- I helped pick 'em out.
190
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,760
Well, that sure would complete the outfit.
191
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:08,028
But I don't want to scar the carpet.
192
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:11,093
Who cares about the carpet?
You hurt my feelings.
193
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:14,397
You know what else he needs? A hat.
194
00:11:14,807 --> 00:11:17,777
Yeah. Yeah! A big old cowboy hat!
195
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:21,007
I want to see Texas
with a guy in a big cowboy hat like mine!
196
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:23,139
I'm not wearing a dumb hat!
197
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:24,409
[Sighs angrily]
198
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:29,422
I thought you were a real Texan, like that
That her ton fellow from the coffee shop.
199
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:34,350
I'm only not wearing the hat
because of my solemn vow...
200
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:37,419
I made to President
Lyndon Baines Johnson...
201
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:41,526
on the occasion
of the birth of his daughter, Lynda Bird.
202
00:11:43,002 --> 00:11:45,437
Lyndon Johnson killed our Kennedy.
203
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:51,606
HOLLOWAY: And this!
204
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:55,971
BOOHHAUER: Hey, man! Look at that
rhinestone cowboy, man!
205
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,250
Oh, Lord. Not now!
206
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:02,050
Look, J.R., an In jun! And a hillbilly!
207
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,947
Hey, man!
208
00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:07,425
You might wanna call
Dr. Scholl's, man, 911!
209
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,059
Y'all look like that
dang old Hoss Cartwright...
210
00:12:10,129 --> 00:12:11,460
with that old crap, man, yo.
211
00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:14,693
[Holloway laughing]
212
00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:20,135
[Hank screaming]
213
00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:22,698
Toe cramp! Toe cramp! Hurry!
214
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:26,378
All right. What is going on, Hank?
215
00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:28,813
The way Bobby tells it,
you bought my freedom...
216
00:12:28,881 --> 00:12:31,043
from the Comanches
with your rodeo winnings?
217
00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:33,347
And you were worth every penny.
218
00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:36,145
[Hesitates]
219
00:12:36,222 --> 00:12:39,658
Look, Peggy, being a salesman
is a little like being an actor.
220
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,956
I'm just playing a role, you know...
221
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:44,929
like that fella at the dinner theater
you liked so much.
222
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:48,893
This is not Camelot,
and you are not Jason Alexander.
223
00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:50,259
[Hesitates]
224
00:12:50,336 --> 00:12:52,430
You're not wearing that
to dinner, are you?
225
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:55,531
What? You don't like it?
I got this pantsuit special for tonight.
226
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:56,769
It's from Frumpy's.
227
00:12:56,843 --> 00:12:59,642
HANK: Yeah. Don't you still have
that bridesmaid outfit...
228
00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:02,044
you wore to one of Luanne's
mama's weddings?
229
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:03,950
Oh, here!
230
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:07,087
You know, I'd forgotten
just how pretty this is.
231
00:13:11,090 --> 00:13:15,254
Hey, Dad? I was going over the stuff
you told Mr. Holloway.
232
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:19,798
How could Mom get pregnant with me
if you spent the '80s...
233
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:21,766
in a Mexican POW camp?
234
00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:25,303
Look, Bobby, some of that stuff...
235
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,372
The details aren't so important.
236
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,932
I gotta get my facts straight, Dad!
237
00:13:30,009 --> 00:13:32,535
There's a Q@ and A
after my speech tomorrow.
238
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:34,842
And these Sunday-school kids are tough!
239
00:13:34,914 --> 00:13:36,678
I'll help you, son. I promise.
240
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:38,911
When I get home tonight, we'll sit down...
241
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:42,478
and go over anything
you might have taken out of context.
242
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:51,355
Oh, I am so sorry Mrs. Holloway
didn't feel well enough to join us.
243
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:54,196
Maybe what she ate on the plane
didn't agree with her.
244
00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:58,628
LUANNE: Hi, Mrs. Holloway.
Want some cold Frito pie?
245
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:01,798
She'll be fine.
246
00:14:01,874 --> 00:14:05,538
Besides, every man needs to be cut
from his ball and chain, now and again.
247
00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:07,545
Ain't that right, J.R.?
248
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,217
WOMAN: Mr. Hill, your table is ready.
249
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:16,022
The 4-top at 39 needs more iced tea, hon.
250
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,717
86, the jalapefio corn bread.
251
00:14:22,929 --> 00:14:25,830
Howdy, partners.
Welcome to the Panhandler.
252
00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:29,731
Home of the world's longest salad bar,
and second-longest sneeze guard.
253
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:33,767
Would you cowboys care to take on
our 72-ounce Lonestar Steak?
254
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:37,367
-Finish it and it's free.
-How much if you can't finish it?
255
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:39,810
Well, sir, like my daddy always said:
256
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,224
"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."
257
00:14:42,248 --> 00:14:42,373
"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."
258
00:14:42,448 --> 00:14:44,348
That's what I'm having.
259
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:58,964
Lord, no, Mr. Holloway!
You're gonna fill up on free stuff.
260
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:02,629
DALE: Hey, Roy Rogers,
Halloween was last year.
261
00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:07,904
Mr. Holloway, these are my neighbors,
Dale and Nancy Gribble.
262
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:10,668
Mr. Holloway
came all the way from Boston.
263
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:14,278
Yeah, I know the place.
That's in Tax-achusetts, ain't it?
264
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:17,348
Say hello to Willie Horton for me
when you get home.
265
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,545
He's teaching at your kindergarten.
266
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:21,246
I'm sorry, Mr. Gribble.
267
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:25,223
But a cowboy don't talk politics
at the chow wagon. Happy trails.
268
00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:28,027
I haven't got my croutons yet.
269
00:15:30,196 --> 00:15:32,028
[People cheering]
270
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,537
Oh, stick a fork in me. I'm done.
271
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:43,803
[People booing]
272
00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:46,777
-No! You're not.
-Give me a quarter, JR.
273
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:48,904
I'm gonna go test my grip.
274
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:55,076
I thought so. You've got something
right there on your back, honey.
275
00:15:55,154 --> 00:15:57,088
-What?
-Footprints.
276
00:15:57,423 --> 00:16:00,449
Break time's over, darling.
The kitchen's backed up.
277
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:03,894
I have had just about all I can swallow.
278
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,295
How about you, "J.R."?
279
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,958
Peggy, I'm making progress here.
280
00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:12,596
I can always tell
when a customer's ready for the close.
281
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,232
P.A. SYSTEM: Mr. That her ton,
your table is ready.
282
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:19,311
That her ton! And his table is ready!
I gotta go!
283
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,877
[Laughing]
284
00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:29,719
JR., my friend That her ton
is taking me to that club...
285
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:33,248
where all the waitresses
are former Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.
286
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,589
Too late, That her ton.
287
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,686
If anyone's taking Holloway
to a gentleman's club, it's me!
288
00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:40,592
Well, then I'll see you over there, then.
289
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,300
I like that guy.
290
00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:47,765
-Holloway, don't move a muscle.
-Get me some protection, too!
291
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:58,378
BOBBY: [Flashback] The man
I admire most is my dad, Hank Hill.
292
00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:07,691
Okay, have fun, boys.
293
00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:11,556
I thought you might be mad.
294
00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:17,664
'Cause I was suppose to help Bobby,
and instead...
295
00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:21,472
we're going to Jug Store Cowboys...
296
00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:27,473
as part of my work-required
sales excursion.
297
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:32,678
That, as I said, keeps you
in pretty dresses like that one.
298
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:33,909
Get out.
299
00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:37,346
[Sighing]
300
00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:39,517
HANK: Peggy, could you loan me...
301
00:17:40,526 --> 00:17:42,460
$50 ought to cover it.
302
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:45,825
And can I have ones, you know...
303
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:48,162
for the G-strings?
304
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,162
[Tires screeching]
305
00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:55,469
HANK: How versatile is propane?
306
00:17:55,541 --> 00:17:57,532
Well, propane will do everything...
307
00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:00,602
that natural gas will do, and more.
308
00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:04,046
Please, ma'am!
I'm trying to carry on a conversation!
309
00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:06,585
Yeah, yeah, I see your rear, very nice.
310
00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:10,054
Okay, there's some people over there
that want to look, too.
311
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,391
Now, how about it, Mr. Holloway?
312
00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:15,689
Will you say yes to Strickland Propane?
313
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:19,391
-Buy me a mint julep.
-Heck, that's not a Texas drink.
314
00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:22,196
You can't even
keep your stereotypes straight.
315
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:26,899
Hey, come on, buy me a mint julep.
Then I'll talk to you about propane.
316
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,301
[Sighing]
317
00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:31,136
Mint julep, please.
318
00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:35,440
-Mint julep?
-It's not for me. I got a Yankee client.
319
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:38,978
-He make you wear that hat?
-Yep.
320
00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:41,110
Oh, honey, I know exactly how you feel.
321
00:18:41,187 --> 00:18:44,213
Every night, my boss makes me
put on this humiliating outfit...
322
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:46,884
to seduce some drunk out of his money.
323
00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:48,887
We're a lot alike.
324
00:18:51,197 --> 00:18:52,995
Why do we do it...
325
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:55,729
Chiffon?
326
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:57,802
We do it for the money, cowboy.
327
00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:01,065
I never made six figures a year
at the Potato Hut.
328
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:03,802
-Six figures?
-Oh, yeah.
329
00:19:04,176 --> 00:19:07,578
Soon, I'll have enough to stay home
with my granddaughter and her baby.
330
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,137
I should be home, too...
331
00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:12,185
helping my boy
with his Sunday-school report.
332
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:15,487
Hey, how about a lap dance?
333
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:20,418
-Honey, what are you still doing up?
-I don't get it.
334
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:23,190
How could he have fought
in the Spanish-American War...
335
00:19:23,262 --> 00:19:27,631
the same year he invented the world's
first pressure-cooking chicken fryer?
336
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,698
Oh, Bobby, your father
never fought in any war.
337
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:34,240
Oh, I know. I've given up on Dad.
338
00:19:34,573 --> 00:19:38,532
The man I most admire now
is Col. Sanders.
339
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:43,048
Here's your julep, Holloway.
Let's talk propane.
340
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:48,379
You call this a mint julep?
341
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:51,219
Where's the vodka?
Where's the tomato juice?
342
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:54,624
Maybe I ought to let That her ton
buy my drinks from now on.
343
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,321
I tell you what!
344
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:01,132
Mister, I'll tell you what!
345
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,862
I don't want your business! Not this way!
346
00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:06,200
You wanna go with That her ton? Go!
347
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:10,368
But one of these days, when your
propane mixture's only 89 percent...
348
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:13,945
and you have a smelly
condo development full of crying babies...
349
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:16,277
whose bottles
haven't been properly heated...
350
00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:19,784
you give me a call. My name is Hank Hill.
351
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:22,877
And I sell propane
and propane accessories...
352
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:25,023
with honor and dignity!
353
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:28,290
Them's fighting words, J.R.
354
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:31,997
This isn't a John Wayne movie, Holloway!
355
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:36,058
-I'm not gonna fight you.
-I'll fight you, pilgrim!
356
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,503
Yee-haw!
357
00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:45,740
BOBBY: He doesn't have an oil well.
358
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:48,240
He doesn't own a Cadillac.
359
00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:52,510
And he doesn't wear cowboy boots,
because he's not a cowboy.
360
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:55,649
And on account of they squish his toes.
361
00:20:55,721 --> 00:20:59,089
But the man I admire most is a real Texan.
362
00:20:59,558 --> 00:21:02,619
He is my daddy, Hank Hill.
363
00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:07,532
That's my boy! Yeah!
364
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:09,895
Thank you. Thank you.
365
00:21:10,336 --> 00:21:13,067
And I want to thank my dad...
366
00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:17,736
specially for accepting me
and raising me as his own...
367
00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:20,445
even though I was fathered
by another man...
368
00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:24,609
while Mr. Hank Hill
was in a Mexican POW Camp.
369
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:26,380
Thank you.
370
00:21:30,189 --> 00:21:31,800
[Groaning]
371
00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:31,847
[Groaning]
372
00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:40,823
[Theme music]
373
00:21:40,873 --> 00:21:45,423
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