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1
00:00:04,304 --> 00:00:06,671
[Theme music]
2
00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:32,923
[Scrubbing]
3
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:36,931
HANK: This grout is supposed
to stay white for 20 years.
4
00:00:37,504 --> 00:00:39,836
What's it been? 17, 187
5
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:42,905
HANK: Peggy, where's that receipt?
LUANNE: Uncle Hank!
6
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:43,909
[Screams]
7
00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:47,174
Don't you know not to barge in
here when I'm in the shower?
8
00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:50,046
For goodness sakes, Hank,
you are fully clothed.
9
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:53,018
This time!
Next time, I might not be so lucky.
10
00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:55,111
Just look at Ladybird.
11
00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:58,522
HANK: Ladybird, didn't Luanne
make you look pretty?
12
00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:00,651
Pretty dog. Who's a pretty dog?
13
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:04,288
Get that stuff off of her.
She looks like Fran Drescher.
14
00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:08,926
I didn't put it on.
Your dog ate all my cruelty-free makeups.
15
00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:12,165
Honey, calm down.
If she tries it again, you just give her...
16
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,833
a little tap on the fanny
with a rolled-up newspaper.
17
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:19,675
I spent extra money to buy cruelty-free!
I'll do a lot more than �"tap� her!
18
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:22,007
[Junk rattling]
19
00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:24,207
JOSEPH: I found a spark plug.
20
00:01:24,284 --> 00:01:27,117
BOBBY: Great! Now all we need
are five more of those...
21
00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:30,418
an engine, four wheels,
some kind of frame...
22
00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:33,585
and a cassette radio,
and we got our death cart!
23
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:36,493
Hey, look what I found.
24
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,563
A Manitoba 100.
25
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,066
"The official cigarette of...
26
00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:47,437
"of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.�
27
00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:48,831
Wow!
28
00:01:49,242 --> 00:01:51,210
I never had one of those.
29
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,610
You ever had any cigarette?
30
00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:56,442
Well, no. How about you?
31
00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:58,979
Only secondhand from my dad.
32
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,285
You wanna spark it?
33
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,592
BOYS: Now! Now!
34
00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:15,663
[Knocking]
35
00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:17,901
BOBBY: Quick! Pull the knob!
36
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:23,041
Is someone in there? Is this john occupied?
37
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:26,745
[Speaking Spanish]
38
00:02:27,247 --> 00:02:28,271
BOBBY: Si.
39
00:02:28,348 --> 00:02:30,077
Bobby? Is that you?
40
00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:32,908
[Groans]
41
00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:34,945
PEGGY: Do you want to lose a lung?
42
00:02:35,022 --> 00:02:39,152
If you do, I am sure there is another boy
out there who'd take it in a second!
43
00:02:39,226 --> 00:02:43,527
Didn't you read this?
"Cancer. Heart disease. Emphysema.�
44
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:46,191
I thought those were the ingredients.
45
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:49,725
PEGGY: Do not be a smart mouth,
young man! I gave up smoking...
46
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:53,000
so you'd be free of birth defects,
and this is how you repay me?
47
00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:55,940
Yeah! You don't know
how hard it is to quit!
48
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,569
Your mother and I
went through hell trying to...
49
00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:01,842
Hey, don't recline-o-mite
while I'm talking to you!
50
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:04,941
PEGGY: Bobby, smoking is
a nasty, filthy habit!
51
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:09,182
Only trailer trash smoke nowadays!
Do you want to look like trailer trash?
52
00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:11,623
That's not fair! I don't smoke!
53
00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:13,655
PEGGY: Luanne!
54
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:15,593
Lord. Hank, you finish this.
55
00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:17,255
Honey, you are not trash.
56
00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:20,425
Just 'cause you grew up in a trailer
and your mama's in prison...
57
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:24,095
All right, Joe Camel,
you wanna smoke, let's go smoke.
58
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:29,574
HANK: Now look here,
you are gonna smoke this entire carton.
59
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:35,714
I thought you said
you didn't want me to smoke anymore.
60
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:38,410
HANK: Oh, this'll take care of that,
believe me.
61
00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:43,321
I wish my daddy had had the parenting
skills to do this for me, I tell you what.
62
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:48,820
Start puffing, boy.
We gotta get through 200 of these.
63
00:03:49,262 --> 00:03:52,960
Joseph, I understand you smoked
your first cigarette today.
64
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,865
I'm sorry, Dad. I'll never smoke again.
65
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,734
Whoa! Hold on, son!
66
00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:01,863
I want you to keep an open mind,
so you can make an informed decision.
67
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:05,606
If you want, you can read a bloated
government report on smoking...
68
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:10,515
or go straight to the horse's mouth and
get the facts from the tobacco industry!
69
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:23,227
For God sakes, Bobby,
what nationality are you?
70
00:04:23,296 --> 00:04:24,491
American.
71
00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:26,999
Then why are you holding your cigarette...
72
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:30,093
like some kind of European Nazi
in a movie?
73
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,604
Why does it matter?
74
00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:34,936
That's not the right sort of attitude
for you to have.
75
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:39,206
Whatever you do, you should do right,
even if it's something wrong.
76
00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:40,638
Okay.
77
00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:45,482
HANK: No, I said American.
Here, let me show you.
78
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:48,853
[Bluesy instrumental music]
79
00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:03,125
That is not how to inhale, Bobby.
You're hot-boxing it.
80
00:05:03,403 --> 00:05:05,371
You gotta inhale slow.
81
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,334
[Inhales]
82
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,375
You see?
83
00:05:14,714 --> 00:05:17,081
Slow like that.
84
00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:19,045
BOBBY: [Coughing] Okay.
85
00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:22,054
Wait a minute.
Let me show you one more time.
86
00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:27,421
Yep, no two ways about it.
Smoking is a filthy, disgusting habit.
87
00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:32,326
How come you smoked?
88
00:05:32,399 --> 00:05:35,198
Well, it wasn't as bad for you back then.
89
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:37,870
Wow!
90
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,906
Pretty keen, huh?
91
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:42,772
The trick is
to get your thumb under the filter.
92
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,675
But, of course, smoking is wrong...
93
00:05:44,744 --> 00:05:48,146
so you'll have to try this
with a dowel or something.
94
00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:50,943
[Moaning]
95
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:53,449
[Moaning]
96
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,449
Come on. Only one pack left.
97
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,388
I think I'm gonna barf.
98
00:05:57,457 --> 00:06:00,654
That's what I wanted to hear.
Good job, son.
99
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:03,925
[Vomiting]
100
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:10,769
When you're finished,
you wanna get that with a hose?
101
00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:15,333
You see, raising a boy
is like fixing a radiator.
102
00:06:15,408 --> 00:06:17,740
You don't talk it into working right...
103
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:20,906
you have to take it out back
and flush it clean.
104
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:25,984
[Jazzy instrumental music]
105
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,192
What's wrong, Hank?
106
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:39,892
Why do you always ask me that?
107
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:42,799
What's wrong with you?
How does that sound, for a change?
108
00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:44,963
Well, I just asked you once.
109
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:47,439
Is it about Bobby and that cigarette today?
110
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:49,236
No, I took care of that.
111
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:54,042
I made him smoke a whole carton until
he was as sick as he's ever been in his life.
112
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:57,414
Hank Hill!
What on God's earth were you thinking?
113
00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:59,009
He's just a little boy.
114
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:01,452
You stunt his growth,
he will stay that way!
115
00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:05,515
Peggy, it's late. I'm tired.
Let's just go to sleep.
116
00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:07,618
Okay.
117
00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:11,531
HANK: I gotta go do some stuff.
118
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:14,397
I think I might have left the blender on.
119
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:17,697
[Crickets chirping]
120
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:30,505
[Dog barking]
121
00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:41,685
[Coughs]
122
00:07:58,778 --> 00:07:59,973
[Groaning]
123
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,564
Hey there, Enrique.
124
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,905
Sorry, Mr. Hill.
I know I'm not supposed to be smoking.
125
00:08:26,973 --> 00:08:30,876
Hell, what's a rule for,
if you can't break it once in a while?
126
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:37,679
And times got hard
after NAFTA sent the pifiata jobs north.
127
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:40,015
That's quite a story, Enrique.
128
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:42,012
I like stories.
129
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:44,648
I like stories about pinatas.
130
00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:47,918
In fact, I like everything you have to say.
131
00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:50,725
Let's me and you visit
your hometown sometime...
132
00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:53,425
the way you had
the courtesy to come see mine.
133
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,764
I'd be honored for you to meet my family.
134
00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:58,463
And I'd be honored for you to meet my...
135
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,165
Oh, no! My wife!
136
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:03,308
Hi, Hank.
Honey, can you take a lunch break?
137
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,136
Sure.
138
00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:12,549
[Enrique muttering in Spanish]
139
00:09:22,462 --> 00:09:24,362
[Can rattling]
140
00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:25,959
[Laughing]
141
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:28,231
How do you like that?
142
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,293
Is your heart racing?
143
00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:33,106
Are you upset?
144
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:37,411
Now you know how I feel
when you eat my make-ups!
145
00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:41,243
For heaven's sake! That flesh-eating virus
has claimed another victim.
146
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,282
Don't let it worry you, Peggy.
147
00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:45,408
Sometimes you just gotta relax...
148
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:48,580
and enjoy life for all its rich, mellow flavor.
149
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:51,013
Hank! What are you doing?
150
00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:53,117
[Stammering]
151
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:54,550
Well...
152
00:09:54,627 --> 00:09:57,119
Bobby vomited with one pack to go.
153
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,791
I couldn't throw 'em out.
That would be wasteful.
154
00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:02,233
But we haven't smoked for 12 years.
155
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:04,100
I know, but, well...
156
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:07,165
Hey, doesn't the smell take you back?
157
00:10:11,744 --> 00:10:13,803
[Soft 1970s music]
158
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:16,948
[People screaming]
159
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:31,628
Hey, wait a minute.
160
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,231
PEGGY: Hank.
161
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:44,978
PEGGY: That's right.
162
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:47,979
That feels like what? A hundred years ago.
163
00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:49,776
It doesn't have to.
164
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:00,723
[1970s music playing in pickup]
165
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:05,224
Shouldn't we be getting home?
166
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:08,393
No, Hank. Let's just stay a moment longer.
167
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,166
[Hollering]
168
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:12,466
HANK: Oh, boy!
169
00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:13,904
[Laughing]
170
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,276
I feel so alive with pleasure!
171
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:27,182
Fine day, isn't it, boy?
172
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:31,121
Hank, there is a tile in the bathroom...
173
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,716
that I think we missed.
174
00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:36,092
Really? Well, I better check that out.
175
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,167
[Laughs]
176
00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:46,901
Well, I found the "tile.�
Thank you very much, Peggy.
177
00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:48,336
And I looked at it...
178
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:51,844
but there's still some more "tile�
for you to look at.
179
00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:56,280
You know, I think I will save
the rest of my "tile� for after breakfast.
180
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:59,114
Will you stop talking
about your stupid tile?
181
00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:03,213
If it's so dirty, go clean it!
And if it's clean, you can shut up!
182
00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:07,692
Hey, I've got an ideal
183
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:11,858
Let's go eat at that place
we used to go when we smoked...
184
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,996
with the jazz combo.
185
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,263
-Smokey's?
-Yeah, that's the one.
186
00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:26,936
Yep.
187
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:28,972
Yep.
188
00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:31,408
Yep.
189
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:40,921
Mmm. Hmm.
190
00:12:41,661 --> 00:12:43,823
Hey, man, y'all put that dang old thing out!
191
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:47,730
Y'all gonna light up like that, man,
it'll treat y'all like a dang old junkie!
192
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:51,668
Go messing up my head with that dang
old secondary nicotine like that, man.
193
00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:54,332
Oh, Hank, I thought you gave that up.
194
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:56,973
Welcome back, friend!
195
00:12:57,143 --> 00:12:59,305
I knew this day would come!
196
00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:01,143
Dale, get off of me.
197
00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:04,273
[Jazz playing in bar]
198
00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:08,780
Yep, same old Smokey's.
Place hasn't changed a bit.
199
00:13:08,855 --> 00:13:11,756
Where is old Smokey?
We would love to say hi.
200
00:13:11,824 --> 00:13:14,122
Smokey's no longer with us.
201
00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:15,627
I am so sorry.
202
00:13:15,695 --> 00:13:17,390
It's for the best, darlin'.
203
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:20,797
Those last few years
when it spread to his bones...
204
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:23,134
Smoking or non-smoking?
205
00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:25,099
Smoking.
206
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:28,606
[Band playing jazz]
207
00:13:36,115 --> 00:13:37,105
[Gasping]
208
00:13:37,183 --> 00:13:39,345
[People coughing]
209
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:47,983
[Gasps]
210
00:13:50,863 --> 00:13:52,922
[Smoke alarm ringing]
211
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,034
What's going on in here?
212
00:13:56,102 --> 00:13:59,697
PEGGY: What're you doing with that
cigarette? You'll burn the house down!
213
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:02,002
Hey, all right! You guys smoke, too?
214
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:06,273
What we do is none of your business!
I told you not to smoke!
215
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:10,305
Do I have to take you out back
with another carton of cigarettes?
216
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:11,908
I think you do.
217
00:14:11,984 --> 00:14:14,681
I cannot believe that you're all smoking!
218
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:18,554
Don't you know that
more people die of smoking than die...
219
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:21,928
of war in Vietnam every day?
220
00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:25,692
I'm begging you, put out your cigarettes,
and keep them out!
221
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:27,589
She's right, Hank.
222
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:31,035
How can we expect Bobby to quit
when we won't?
223
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:34,505
We're the adults.
We have to set an example.
224
00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:36,803
BOBBY: Hey, that's my rug.
225
00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:39,704
HANK: No one said it was
gonna be easy, son.
226
00:14:44,951 --> 00:14:48,581
LEADER: Future non-smokers,
take a look to your left.
227
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:52,692
Now take a look to your right.
Who do you see?
228
00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:55,917
Don't be shy.
There are no wrong answers here.
229
00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:58,427
MAN: I see a caring human being?
LEADER: No.
230
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,792
You see your buddies for a better life!
231
00:15:02,168 --> 00:15:05,866
I've got the strangest feeling
someone's gonna kick his ass.
232
00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:08,839
Come on, Hank.
Will you just give it a chance?
233
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,605
BILL: Yes, buddy. Give it a chance.
234
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:14,274
Bill, what are you doing here?
235
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:17,942
Well, I know you think of me
as a pretty together guy...
236
00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:20,145
but sometimes I need a little help.
237
00:15:20,219 --> 00:15:23,814
Just six nights a week for 20 years.
238
00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:25,722
LEADER: Looks like someone
found a buddy!
239
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:29,319
Hey, there. Tell us your name
and how long you've been smoking.
240
00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:31,530
I'd rather not.
241
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:35,329
I understand.
It's not easy to admit we're weak.
242
00:15:35,401 --> 00:15:39,201
You're calling me weak?
Look at your little birdie arms!
243
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:42,640
They're no thicker than a cigarette!
I could smoke them little arms!
244
00:15:42,708 --> 00:15:44,642
Come on, Dad. Open up.
245
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,171
Is this your son?
246
00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:50,181
It's beautiful how you came out
to support your daddy.
247
00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:51,683
I'm a smoker, too.
248
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:55,749
Oh, no! How long have you been
addicted to cigarettes?
249
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:58,723
Since my dad let me smoke a whole carton.
250
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,782
[Murmuring]
251
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:05,697
Wait a minute. I didn't "let� him,
I made him. It was a punishment.
252
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:09,397
-Can I get a new buddy?
-What is wrong with him?
253
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:12,769
You are sick, sir! You shouldn't be allowed
to have children!
254
00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:17,333
Now, hold on a minute here. I didn't
bring my family here to be yelled at.
255
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:19,871
I don't think I like this club.
256
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:22,916
You all whine too much,
and the coffee's bad.
257
00:16:23,115 --> 00:16:26,574
I tell you what you need to do,
you need to take a 13th step...
258
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,416
down off your high horse!
259
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:29,580
BILL: Yeah!
260
00:16:35,127 --> 00:16:38,825
Here's to three of the bravest individuals
in all of Arlen!
261
00:16:39,398 --> 00:16:41,958
To the Hills, and their tobacco-free future!
262
00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:44,264
My God! Are you still talking?
263
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:48,803
Why's my potato got skin on it? I hate skin!
264
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:52,436
I will not sit here
and have my work insulted!
265
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:57,074
What? Do you think that potatoes
fly into the bowl and mash themselves?
266
00:16:57,149 --> 00:17:00,346
LUANNE: I know y'all don't mean
none of those harsh words.
267
00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:02,712
It's just the nicotine withdrawal.
268
00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:04,984
Why is she still talking?
269
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:08,060
[Suspenseful instrumental music]
270
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:11,854
[Can rattling]
271
00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:12,989
Oh, my God!
272
00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:14,123
LUANNE: Drop it.
273
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,690
Drop. Drop it.
274
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,838
Bobby, Hank, hold on. I got it.
275
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,311
When's this thing supposed to kick in?
It's not working!
276
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:32,818
It's broken!
277
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,314
Bobby, the patch goes on your shoulder!
278
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,153
Bobby!
279
00:17:38,424 --> 00:17:39,823
[Growling]
280
00:17:42,094 --> 00:17:44,290
HANK: Bobby, spit it out! Spit it out!
281
00:17:44,363 --> 00:17:46,798
PEGGY: Hank, you hold him,
I'll go get a stick!
282
00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:49,932
[Thunder rumbling]
283
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:56,575
[Luanne sighing disapprovingly]
284
00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:59,043
I wasn't gonna smoke it, I swear.
285
00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:00,874
I know. You did it.
286
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:04,344
Good boy. Here's your treat.
287
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:07,652
Bobby! Aunt Peg! Come in here!
288
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:12,048
Uncle Hank's clean. He's gonna be okay.
289
00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:14,855
Oh, yeah? Good job. Well done. So proud.
290
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:18,386
Let's celebrate. I'll make an icebox cake.
291
00:18:18,464 --> 00:18:20,455
Bobby, why don't you...
292
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,590
Hey...
293
00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:23,797
Where's Aunt Peggy?
294
00:18:24,136 --> 00:18:25,934
The cigarette's gone!
295
00:18:26,205 --> 00:18:27,969
BOBBY: Mom!
296
00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:29,936
I found her.
297
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:33,035
PEGGY: Close the damn door!
Can't you see that I am knitting?
298
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,740
BOBBY: Mom, hand over the cigarette!
299
00:18:35,881 --> 00:18:36,905
No!
300
00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:40,044
Mom, this is not your son.
This is your buddy.
301
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,144
PEGGY: No!
BOBBY: Hand it over!
302
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:45,247
Who's your buddy? Who's your buddy?
303
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,486
LUANNE: Well done, Bobby.
304
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:51,996
-Hey, wait a minute!
-Give me that. I'm your mother!
305
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:53,793
All of you, just stop it!
306
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:55,334
Give me that!
307
00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:59,128
You want the cigarette?
You want it so bad?
308
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,074
Come and get it! Come on!
309
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:03,369
[Hollering]
310
00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:06,434
HANK: Hey! Out of there!
What are you doing, Luanne?
311
00:19:06,512 --> 00:19:08,606
PEGGY: Unlock this door right now!
312
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:12,375
I'm crating y'all in like an unruly dog!
313
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:15,378
I am sick of dysfunctional families!
314
00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:18,913
I came from one,
and I'm not gonna let it happen to you!
315
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,619
Function! Function, damn you!
316
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:24,419
Okay.
317
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:28,396
Women and children first.
I take the first puff.
318
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,197
Bobby here gets the second.
319
00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:34,301
If there's anything left, you!
320
00:19:34,373 --> 00:19:38,332
Who are you trying to kid?
We all know there won't be anything left.
321
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:41,870
Let's you and me split it, Peg.
It'll be romantic.
322
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:45,842
You know, like the old days,
before he came along!
323
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:50,851
Mama, it's your son.
Nine months inside, remember?
324
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:53,384
Those were good times, too!
325
00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:54,483
I don't know.
326
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,892
This is happening too fast.
I just don't know.
327
00:19:56,962 --> 00:19:58,452
I do. Come on, Bobby.
328
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:01,523
You and me can take her.
You go high, I'll go low.
329
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,268
Hey, back off!
330
00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:06,066
PEGGY: I will drop it! I will! I will drop this!
331
00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:07,501
[Wind howling]
332
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:11,900
No!
333
00:20:12,078 --> 00:20:13,739
[Thunderclap]
334
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:18,613
Well, look at us. At each other's throats.
335
00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:20,982
And after all we've been through!
336
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,522
This family has survived
fires and twisters...
337
00:20:23,589 --> 00:20:26,957
and every strain of flu
the Orient could throw at us!
338
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:30,518
Well, we are not gonna be done in
by a lousy tobacco leaf!
339
00:20:30,596 --> 00:20:33,031
We are gonna make it! Together!
340
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:36,262
Now, who's with me?
Hands in the center! Come on!
341
00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:39,466
[Dramatic instrumental music]
342
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:53,785
[Bobby moaning]
343
00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:00,984
[Bobby moaning]
344
00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:10,765
Oh, Hank.
345
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:11,937
I know.
346
00:21:12,004 --> 00:21:15,201
Isn't it the most beautiful day
you've ever seen?
347
00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:18,137
What a day to be alive!
348
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:24,541
BOBBY: Hey, Dad! Over here!
HANK: Go deep, Bobby!
349
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,116
LUANNE: Hey, Bobby! Over here!
350
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:29,118
HANK: All right.
351
00:21:29,188 --> 00:21:30,553
PEGGY: Me! Me, now!
352
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:32,250
HANK: Over here, Peggy!
353
00:21:32,324 --> 00:21:33,348
HANK: Okay.
354
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:41,228
[Mellow instrumental music]
355
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,735
[Muttering] Y'all listen up, man.
This is Boomhauer.
356
00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:46,738
This is your lungs on air.
This is your lungs on smoke.
357
00:21:46,839 --> 00:21:48,238
See the difference, man?
358
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:51,743
It'll stunt your growth all over.
End up in a dang old hospital bed...
359
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:55,475
like Morton Downey Jr.,
Robert Downey Jr., or even worse, man.
360
00:21:55,548 --> 00:21:57,915
Y'all talk about oral gratification.
361
00:21:57,983 --> 00:22:01,078
All that dang. It's gonna give you
a low sperm count, man.
362
00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:02,882
Give you ear hair, yo.
363
00:22:02,955 --> 00:22:04,855
It just ain't no good.
364
00:22:04,905 --> 00:22:09,455
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