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1
00:00:04,271 --> 00:00:06,865
[Theme music]
2
00:00:31,098 --> 00:00:33,192
[Boggle cubes rattling]
3
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PEGGY: How was beauty school, Luanne?
4
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,999
How did the big shampooing final go?
5
00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:44,737
Well, I passed Lather, but I failed Rinse.
6
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:48,606
And then I failed Repeat, too,
because it includes Rinse...
7
00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:51,408
which I don't think is very fair.
8
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,516
HANK: [Muttering] Damn.
9
00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:56,949
Hank, you forgot to flush.
10
00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:59,488
Didn't have to. Didn't do anything.
11
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:00,883
Oh.
12
00:01:02,162 --> 00:01:03,425
I see.
13
00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:05,394
How long has this been going on?
14
00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:07,866
There's nothing going on, Peg.
15
00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:11,431
-That's the problem.
-How long have you had this problem?
16
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:13,405
HANK: There is no problem! Please!
17
00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:16,441
This is not something
we need to talk about.
18
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:18,478
If you do have a problem, I could--
19
00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:20,604
Peggy, please! For God's sakes!
20
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,308
I'm getting a bite.
21
00:01:22,382 --> 00:01:25,010
Is there any chicken-fried steak left?
22
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,231
-Here.
-What's this?
23
00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:43,827
It's Megamucil.
I take 10 heaping teaspoons...
24
00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:46,134
and a glass of water daily to stay regular--
25
00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:47,640
I don't want to know that!
26
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:50,871
Come on, honey.
Look, it is gentle and all-natural.
27
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,038
No! Stop! Please!
28
00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:56,811
This is my own private,
personal, private business.
29
00:01:56,883 --> 00:01:59,545
At least drink the water.
If you drink enough water...
30
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,952
it'll flush out your system
and keep it clean.
31
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,624
I'm telling you, it's good for you.
32
00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:06,192
Hey, eggs and sausage.
33
00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:09,194
That looks good.
Peggy, where's my breakfast?
34
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:15,295
-What are these?
- I baked muffins.
35
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:18,228
So? Good for you. Where's my sausage?
36
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,364
Well, we're out of sausage.
37
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:23,268
Hey, try a muffin. They are oat bran.
38
00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:25,136
Sure.
39
00:02:28,515 --> 00:02:31,610
You should eat those, Dad.
They help you make.
40
00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:33,216
Excuse me?
41
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,455
What are you implying?
42
00:02:35,522 --> 00:02:37,354
I thought you were consti--
43
00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:40,189
Where would you get such an idea?
That's ridiculous!
44
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:43,560
Anyway, that's not something
you should ever know about your father.
45
00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:45,289
It's pretty obvious.
46
00:02:45,365 --> 00:02:47,732
You were in the bathroom
for an hour last night.
47
00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:49,030
No, I wasn't!
48
00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:50,467
Okay, Dad.
49
00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:52,606
Give me that.
50
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,668
[Dog whimpering]
51
00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,372
What is it, Ladybird?
52
00:02:58,578 --> 00:03:00,569
You want to go out? Again?
53
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:06,643
[Sighs]
54
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:07,983
Show off.
55
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:11,290
Nancy, I'm worried about Hank.
56
00:03:11,391 --> 00:03:15,055
He hasn't "done his business� in four days.
57
00:03:15,962 --> 00:03:18,363
Good Lord! Poor Hank.
58
00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:20,696
He looks so healthy.
59
00:03:21,234 --> 00:03:23,430
But then, you know, so did Elvis Presley.
60
00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:26,268
Nancy, you don't think
it's something serious?
61
00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:29,900
Well, I'm a meteorologist, not a doctor.
62
00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:32,774
But if I had to make an educated guess...
63
00:03:33,313 --> 00:03:35,179
I'd say he's got polio.
64
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:39,379
All right, I'm not a meteorologist.
I'm a weather girl.
65
00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:42,853
So, Hank, what's this I hear
about you being backed up?
66
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:44,388
Nothing! What?
67
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:48,326
Who are you thinking about talking to?
It's not me. I'm fine!
68
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:50,191
Well, that's not what I heard.
69
00:03:50,263 --> 00:03:52,129
-Heard from who?
-Dale.
70
00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:54,293
-How does Dale know?
-Nancy.
71
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:56,233
Nancy knows, too?
72
00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:58,501
That Peggy.
73
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:02,133
Why not just take the door off
the bathroom and put it out on the lawn?
74
00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:05,270
Hank, it happens to everyone
now and then.
75
00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:07,746
There's no reason to be embarrassed.
76
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:10,442
Maybe I'm not the one
who should be embarrassed.
77
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:12,042
Did you ever think of that?
78
00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:14,611
Maybe you're going a little too much.
79
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:18,454
Once every four or five days
gives me more free time.
80
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:22,453
You want to spend all your time
on the toilet, be my guest.
81
00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:24,156
DALE: Have you tried squatting?
82
00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:26,833
It takes pressure off the lower body.
83
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:30,700
BILL: You know, Hank,
I find a ride on the lawnmower helps.
84
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:33,671
Would you please stop talking about this?
85
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:36,737
[Muttering] I've been thinking about y'all...
86
00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:39,302
and your dang old bottom,
what's gonna get moving again.
87
00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:41,609
Y'all ought to jog,
swim, or water something.
88
00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:44,013
They'll be having
you pooping just like before.
89
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:45,210
I know it'll work.
90
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,413
It helped my aunt after her pregnancy.
91
00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:50,548
- I don't know you, do I?
-No, you don't.
92
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:53,093
Would you all please leave me be?
93
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,561
This is no one's business but my own.
94
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:03,865
Okay, but I got one
that's guaranteed to work for you, Hank.
95
00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:06,897
You take a spoonful of bacon grease...
96
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:09,233
I'm not eating bacon grease.
97
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,970
You didn't let me finish.
98
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,034
[Sighs]
99
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:16,614
Simple chronic constipation can be
a symptom of a more serious condition.
100
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,212
I should know.
101
00:05:18,285 --> 00:05:20,913
I'm former Surgeon General
C. Everett Koop.
102
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:25,083
Why did you have to go tell Nancy
about my bathroom shortcomings?
103
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:27,952
Food that is not absorbed
becomes waste...
104
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,360
and enters the pouch-like cecum.
105
00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:32,922
Who the hell is that? Howard Stern?
106
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,329
The temperature is a pleasant 70 degrees.
107
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:40,765
And on a more personal note,
I want to wish my friend, Hank Hill...
108
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,867
a quick recovery for his
embarrassing constipation.
109
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:47,812
Peggy, why'd you do this to me?
Now everybody knows.
110
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:49,906
Hank, I was worried.
111
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,844
So? Worry to yourself.
112
00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:55,684
I'm tired of worrying to myself.
It's better to talk things out.
113
00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:58,781
Not these things. Not toilet things.
114
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:01,692
All right, Hank, all right.
If it makes you this upset...
115
00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:04,958
I will just sit here silently,
alone with my worries.
116
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:06,391
Finally!
117
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:12,634
I'll have some skirt steak, some brisket...
118
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:17,439
a little piece of that New York steak,
couple of them steak fingers, and a burger.
119
00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:19,740
Hank, please, have just one veggie.
120
00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:20,939
All right.
121
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:23,346
Put some macaroni and cheese
on there, too.
122
00:06:23,683 --> 00:06:25,913
[Lawnmower running]
123
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:36,727
Chocolate sauce! Can I have some?
124
00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:39,788
No, Bobby, this isn't ordinary chocolate.
125
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,099
It is a laxative for your father.
126
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:47,234
Where'd you find this
chocolate sauce, Peg?
127
00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:49,901
It sure is good. Here, Bobby, try some.
128
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:51,774
Okay, I thought you'd never ask.
129
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:55,076
Bobby, you know what that is.
130
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:57,073
So?
131
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:59,016
-What is it?
-Laxative.
132
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:02,849
You're trying to drug me?
133
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,891
Good God! That's going too far!
134
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,983
Well, you won't talk to me about it.
135
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:10,997
Now what if it really is something serious,
like polyps, or worse?
136
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:13,032
You should see a doctor.
137
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:17,660
Stop making such a big deal out of it.
I just can't go to the bathroom.
138
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,299
[Anxious breathing]
139
00:07:25,211 --> 00:07:26,474
[Sobbing]
140
00:07:30,717 --> 00:07:34,449
PEGGY: Oh, Hank.
BILL: He looks like an angel.
141
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,257
A dead angel.
142
00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:40,692
[Muttering]
Oh, my ding dong dang old. Why?
143
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:43,590
It should've been Bill.
144
00:07:44,531 --> 00:07:45,521
Hank.
145
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:48,934
We never got a chance to talk
about your constipation.
146
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,198
And now we never will.
147
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,239
Remember, early detection is the key.
148
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,243
Now pass in your algebra homework.
149
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:02,444
[Somber instrumental music]
150
00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:06,147
Goodbye, boy. See you in hell!
151
00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:07,884
[Flushing]
152
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:10,212
[Screams]
153
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:14,693
[Screams]
154
00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:16,354
HANK: Occupied!
155
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:18,591
Hank, you're alive.
156
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:21,862
Close the damn door.
Can't you see I'm in here, Peg?
157
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:25,633
Don't. No, don't touch me.
I'm on the john. Get out of here.
158
00:08:25,705 --> 00:08:29,266
Hank, I was so scared. I dreamed you died.
159
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:32,437
You didn't see a doctor.
You didn't listen to Koop.
160
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,810
Peggy, you're not supposed to see this.
161
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:38,283
Listen, honey, I love you.
Please, don't die on me.
162
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,944
I love you, too, but...
163
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:44,917
Jeez. All right, I'll see a doctor,
if you just get out and leave me be.
164
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:47,184
You will?
165
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,091
Hank, that's wonderful.
166
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:52,564
Yeah, well, come on. Get a move on.
167
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,734
PEGGY: Thank you.
HANK: Git!
168
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:03,967
WOMAN: And what exactly are you seeing
Dr. Morley about today?
169
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,012
[Mumbling] Well, I've been...
170
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,682
or actually I haven't been--
171
00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:11,717
You're going to have to speak up.
172
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:15,483
I need to see him about a problem with--
173
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,620
WOMAN: Sir, just fill this out
and have a seat.
174
00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:26,227
[Trumpeting]
175
00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:28,699
Put that down.
You do not know where it's been.
176
00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:30,964
Come on. I'm trying to fill this thing out.
177
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:39,103
-Hankie?
-Mrs. Macintosh?
178
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:40,576
Hank Hill.
179
00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:43,045
Is this your family?
180
00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:46,483
I was your father's third grade teacher.
181
00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:49,252
Why are you here, Hankie?
182
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,347
This is an old person's doctor.
183
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,983
He hasn't been able to take--
184
00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:56,393
A walk. I threw my knee
out playing touch football.
185
00:09:56,629 --> 00:09:59,098
WOMAN: Mr. Hill, I'm sorry, sir.
I cannot read this.
186
00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:01,463
What does it say? "Con"? "Contact"?
187
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:03,295
"Convict"? "Con" what?
188
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,366
So, how are we doing today?
189
00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:10,769
I'm Dr. Morley. Let's see.
190
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,311
So you're suffering from consumption?
191
00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:16,178
PEGGY: Constipation.
DOCTOR: Oh, constipation.
192
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:18,843
Well, that's quite a different matter.
193
00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:21,478
How long has it been
since your last bowel movement?
194
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:25,354
Well, I usually don't keep track
of that kind of thing, but--
195
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:28,861
Five days, and Hank's usual schedule
is every two days.
196
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,394
Of course when we were first married,
he'd go every day.
197
00:10:32,532 --> 00:10:35,399
But I spoke to his mom,
who said the most interesting thing.
198
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,027
She said, when he was a teenager...
199
00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:39,765
he would be in that bathroom
three or four times a day--
200
00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:42,934
-Peggy!
-Please, Mr. Hill, this is helpful.
201
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,573
Now, your wife is obviously concerned.
202
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,239
And if she's concerned, I'm concerned.
203
00:10:48,748 --> 00:10:51,115
I think we'll do a sigmoidoscopy.
204
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:56,016
See, honey? Aren't you glad we're here?
205
00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:59,624
Mr. Hill, why don't you go ahead
and take off your pants for me, okay?
206
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,428
Why are you stopping?
207
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,438
No sense in doing this now.
208
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:16,032
I'll just wait until the doctor comes back.
209
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:19,773
NURSE: Sir, you're gonna need to take
your pants off for Dr. Morley.
210
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,743
Okay.
211
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,241
[Sighing]
212
00:11:28,154 --> 00:11:30,020
Why, look at that, Peg.
213
00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:31,883
Cotton balls.
214
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:34,518
White ones.
215
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:38,193
A whole jar of them.
216
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:42,031
How many do you think there are in there?
217
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,768
I'll bet 30.
218
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:47,533
Yep.
219
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,032
30.
220
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:58,410
Okay, Mr. Hill, why don't you hop on
the table and undo the back of your gown?
221
00:11:58,484 --> 00:11:59,815
We'll have a look at you.
222
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,786
You got all these fancy machines.
223
00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:04,050
Can't you take a picture
through the gown?
224
00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:06,592
It's normal to be
a little frightened, Mr. Hill.
225
00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:08,486
Just turn your face to the wall.
226
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,585
[Knocking]
227
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:11,596
-You want me to get that?
-No.
228
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:13,456
Mr. Hill?
229
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:16,127
Mr. Hill, this is Tasha.
She's a medical student.
230
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:19,330
Would it be all right with you
if she observes the examination?
231
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,229
Well, I guess.
232
00:12:23,042 --> 00:12:24,237
[Elevator dings]
233
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:27,608
[Woman hyperventilating]
234
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:31,014
MAN: We made it, honey.
Quick. Sixth floor, Maternity.
235
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:32,341
[Elevator dings]
236
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:36,345
[Elevator dings]
237
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,050
[Baby crying]
238
00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:42,685
Mr. Hill, this is a special camera...
239
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,857
that we use to get
an inside view of your colon.
240
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:47,826
HANK: Just kill me now.
241
00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:50,230
Mr. Hill, do you wish a bite plate?
242
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:51,896
Mom, I'm hungry.
243
00:12:52,038 --> 00:12:53,028
[Screaming]
244
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,339
BOBBY: Dad, what are they doing to you?
245
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:57,035
Bobby, get out of here!
246
00:12:57,143 --> 00:13:01,478
No, Mr. Hill, when a family faces
an illness, all members should be involved.
247
00:13:01,547 --> 00:13:04,141
Remember, they're your get-well team.
248
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:07,151
-Hey there, ace. Do you like video games?
-Yeah!
249
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,985
Well, this joystick
is just like a video game joystick.
250
00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:12,388
Only my red button fires a real laser.
251
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:13,550
Cool.
252
00:13:13,726 --> 00:13:15,387
[Makes shooting sounds]
253
00:13:16,195 --> 00:13:17,356
Bobby.
254
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:21,397
Say, you're good.
Maybe you could help us out a little later.
255
00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:23,700
Just kidding, Mr. Hill.
256
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:26,205
Mr. Hill, it doesn't hurt to smile.
257
00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:28,199
It might actually help.
258
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,606
Tasha, you can begin.
259
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:36,041
DOCTOR: So far this looks normal.
260
00:13:36,115 --> 00:13:37,514
Normal?
261
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:39,115
That's good, right?
262
00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:40,516
Now, this is exciting.
263
00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:42,452
There are so many twists and turns.
264
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,752
I can't wait to see
what's around the next bend.
265
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:48,089
The colon has to twist and turn
because it's surprisingly long.
266
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:51,654
You know, Bobby, if I were
to take your grandfather's intestine--
267
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:52,823
I'm his father.
268
00:13:52,899 --> 00:13:55,800
Your father's intestine
and lay it out in a straight line...
269
00:13:55,868 --> 00:13:58,530
it would go all the way around the earth.
270
00:13:58,604 --> 00:14:00,197
Wow! Really?
271
00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:04,637
Well, that is amazing, Doctor.
You know, I did not know that.
272
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:06,110
Now, how could that be?
273
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:09,410
The Earth is 25,000 miles around.
274
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:12,508
A piece of steak would have
to shoot through your system...
275
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:15,577
faster than the speed of sound.
That's impossible.
276
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:20,525
Well, Mr. Hill, there's certainly nothing
going through your intestines that fast.
277
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,605
Hey, I like this.
Can I be a proctologist when I grow up?
278
00:14:23,629 --> 00:14:24,619
Hey, I like this.
Can I be a proctologist when I grow up?
279
00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:25,960
[Machine buzzing]
280
00:14:26,065 --> 00:14:30,468
Mr. Hill, I'm gonna have to ask you
to relax your buttocks for me, please.
281
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:37,599
[Yawning]
282
00:14:37,910 --> 00:14:40,538
-How are you holding up, Mrs. Hill?
-I'm okay.
283
00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:44,249
I'm just a little uncomfortable
from sitting here for so long.
284
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:46,342
[Doctor sighing]
285
00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:48,820
DOCTOR: Okay. Let's take
a five-minute break.
286
00:14:54,026 --> 00:14:57,860
Well, Mr. Hill, we're not exactly sure
what's causing your problem.
287
00:14:57,930 --> 00:15:01,924
So at this point, the best option might be
to remove something surgically.
288
00:15:02,101 --> 00:15:05,628
I'm sorry. But apparently your low-fat,
high-fiber diet is not working.
289
00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:08,197
Well, maybe Hank just needs
to give his low-fat...
290
00:15:08,274 --> 00:15:10,208
high-fiber diet a little more time.
291
00:15:10,276 --> 00:15:13,439
-Isn't that right, Hank?
-Yes. All right.
292
00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:17,246
Just to be safe, I'll book an operating
room for the end of the week.
293
00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:18,715
Oh, God!
294
00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:22,186
DOCTOR: Don't worry. You know,
it's possible to live a long, healthy...
295
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,815
slightly less active life without a colon.
296
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,352
You just can't wear shorts.
297
00:15:33,332 --> 00:15:36,165
"Not Dogs." Now what are these?
Hot dogs?
298
00:15:36,235 --> 00:15:38,329
No. They're Not Dogs.
299
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,102
They're made of tofu.
300
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:42,107
Tofu? I can't eat that crap.
301
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:44,109
Then try this Faux Fu.
302
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:46,976
It's a tofu substitute
for the tofu-intolerant.
303
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,972
Now would that be good
for a man who's constipated?
304
00:15:50,049 --> 00:15:52,074
-Peggy!
-Well, I didn't say it was you.
305
00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:53,676
Is this for your husband?
306
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:56,984
Yes, and we will also take a quart
of your brown rice broth.
307
00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:59,548
Do you have anything that tastes good?
308
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,457
[Sighing hesitantly]
309
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:03,786
No.
310
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,625
Look at this, Uncle Hank.
311
00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:09,259
"Experience moxibustion with Mr. Li.
312
00:16:09,435 --> 00:16:11,529
"Board-certified moxibustionist.
313
00:16:11,871 --> 00:16:14,738
"Relieves stress and
opens the energy channels.�
314
00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:16,608
What the hell is that?
315
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:19,441
He sticks needles in your skin
and sets them on fire.
316
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:22,311
Anyone ever try that on me,
I'll kick his ass.
317
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:26,342
No! Watch out behind you! No!
318
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:29,144
Oh, God, Gatorade all down his back.
319
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:32,118
Hank, it's 2:00. Bathroom time.
320
00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:34,717
HANK: Peg, can't I just--
PEGGY: Bathroom time.
321
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:36,759
HANK: All right.
322
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:39,890
DALE: Hi there, Peggy.
323
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:43,425
We were wondering if Hank could
come out and help us with my fence.
324
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:46,868
PEGGY: Oh, I'm sorry, Dale.
Hank is having his bathroom time.
325
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:48,373
Maybe later.
326
00:16:57,416 --> 00:16:59,851
[Snoring]
327
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:30,279
PEGGY: Well, thank you all for coming.
328
00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:33,977
I thought it would help cheer Hank up
to have all of his friends here.
329
00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:36,145
I think he's making a lot of progress.
330
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:39,089
PEGGY: Where are you going, Hank?
HANK: To the bathroom.
331
00:17:39,191 --> 00:17:43,025
Now just try to relax, Hank.
And concentrate. This could be it.
332
00:17:45,464 --> 00:17:47,228
PEGGY: Come on! Will you hurry up?
333
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:48,790
Peggy, please.
334
00:17:50,269 --> 00:17:51,759
Come on, Hank.
335
00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:54,529
[Sighs]
336
00:17:55,341 --> 00:17:56,866
[Muzak playing]
337
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:11,479
[Sighs]
338
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:21,924
No, see, what I'm saying is,
salad don't always have to have salad in it.
339
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:24,333
See, there's potato salad and...
340
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:29,036
I'm sorry, Peg, I let you down.
341
00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:31,970
-I let you all down.
-Don't you worry, Hank.
342
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,570
We still have 24 hours
before your appointment.
343
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:36,513
We're gonna make the most of it.
344
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:40,082
[Sentimental instrumental music]
345
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:09,043
You know, Hank seems a little down.
346
00:19:09,115 --> 00:19:10,879
Well, he's a shell of a man.
347
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:14,818
I never thought he'd have the willpower
to give up everything he enjoyed.
348
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,821
That's not Hank. That's me.
349
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:18,948
If it was up to him, he'd be eating...
350
00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:22,120
burgers in the backyard
with Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer.
351
00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:26,097
He'd still be drinking beer
and shouting at the TV set...
352
00:19:26,565 --> 00:19:28,533
and having a lot of fun and...
353
00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:37,598
Wait here.
354
00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:40,944
-So?
-So what?
355
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:44,677
Well, I heard a...
I mean, I wasn't listening, but I did hear...
356
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,718
Oh, that was my glasses.
357
00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:51,050
Look, honey, we gotta talk.
358
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:54,491
I know you want to help,
but this is getting out of control.
359
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:57,491
You can't treat a grown man like a baby.
360
00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:58,991
It ain't right.
361
00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:02,501
I feel like I've been trying
to be someone else lately.
362
00:20:02,568 --> 00:20:04,536
Eating food I don't eat.
363
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:07,066
And I'm just not gonna do it anymore.
364
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:11,098
And if I don't ever poop again,
well, that's just gonna be who I am.
365
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:13,874
I'd rather die with a burger in my colon...
366
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:15,880
than live and eat Faux Fu.
367
00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:19,851
Hank, I know. And it's okay. You're right.
368
00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:21,077
What?
369
00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:23,679
PEGGY: I'm doing this because
I want you to be around...
370
00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:26,453
as long as possible, because I love you.
371
00:20:26,992 --> 00:20:29,359
But I have to let you be you.
372
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,027
HANK: Oh, Peggy...
373
00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:34,797
I'll still be here for a good long while.
374
00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:36,733
PEGGY: I worry.
HANK: I know you do.
375
00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:38,236
PEGGY: That you could...
376
00:20:38,304 --> 00:20:39,772
I know, honey.
377
00:20:40,005 --> 00:20:42,940
And I'm a lucky son of a gun,
I'll tell you what...
378
00:20:43,008 --> 00:20:45,909
to have a woman like you
care so much about me.
379
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:48,311
I'm gonna be more open...
380
00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:50,508
tell you how I'm doing more...
381
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,208
and let you in.
382
00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:55,755
I just want this moment
to last forever, Hank.
383
00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:57,050
Me, too!
384
00:20:58,657 --> 00:21:01,388
-But it can't.
-Hold me, Hank.
385
00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:04,122
No! Let go!
386
00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:20,037
[Flushing]
387
00:21:20,346 --> 00:21:21,404
Yes!
388
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:24,208
[Jubilant choir singing]
389
00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:44,602
You might have noticed in tonight's
episode there was some brief nudity.
390
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:50,003
Now, as an actor, I only do nudity
when I feel the script warrants it.
391
00:21:50,743 --> 00:21:55,237
And I thought tonight's episode only
warranted seeing the side of my rump.
392
00:21:55,915 --> 00:21:59,044
You can believe me when I tell you
the Fox executives...
393
00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:01,519
were pushing for a whole lot more.
394
00:22:01,587 --> 00:22:05,615
If any of you were offended by my body,
I'm truly sorry.
395
00:22:06,358 --> 00:22:07,826
Good night.
396
00:22:07,876 --> 00:22:12,426
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