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1
00:00:01,401 --> 00:00:03,699
[Soft instrumental country music]
2
00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:18,416
What do you say we tee off together?
3
00:00:18,485 --> 00:00:20,214
Sure thing, Willie.
4
00:00:27,927 --> 00:00:29,656
BOTH: Dead solid perfect.
5
00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:40,937
I've always wanted to sell propane...
6
00:00:41,007 --> 00:00:43,134
and propane accessories, like you do.
7
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:45,837
I guess this dang music thing came up.
8
00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:49,513
Well, ain't no changing the past, I guess.
Let's jam.
9
00:00:49,682 --> 00:00:52,082
[Playing guitars softly]
10
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:03,618
[Playing badly]
11
00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:05,424
[Anxious moaning]
12
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,062
What in the name of God?
13
00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:13,188
Bobby!
14
00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:14,590
[Moans]
15
00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:16,335
[Guitar strumming]
16
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:20,345
[Theme music]
17
00:01:44,704 --> 00:01:46,763
Son, have you lost your mind?
18
00:01:46,764 --> 00:01:49,775
Aren't you supposed to knock first?
I could've been naked.
19
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,971
Bobby, how many times have I told you?
20
00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:54,104
Betsy is not a toy.
21
00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:57,706
She's a 1963 Guild solid-top...
22
00:01:58,251 --> 00:01:59,301
[Sniffing]
23
00:01:59,302 --> 00:02:00,985
What's that smell?
You been playing this with your feet?
24
00:02:00,986 --> 00:02:02,987
What's that smell?
You been playing this with your feet?
25
00:02:02,988 --> 00:02:04,717
That's cheese, Dad.
26
00:02:05,523 --> 00:02:08,720
Why would there ever be cheese on Betsy?
27
00:02:08,994 --> 00:02:11,428
It's funny. It's a comedy routine.
28
00:02:11,496 --> 00:02:14,693
You know, you play the guitar
with a piece of cheese and you go:
29
00:02:14,766 --> 00:02:17,792
"Hey, look at me. I'm Eddie Cheddar!"
30
00:02:17,869 --> 00:02:18,919
[Bobby chuckling]
31
00:02:19,304 --> 00:02:23,206
- You know, it's from Celery Head.
- What is a Celery Head?
32
00:02:23,341 --> 00:02:26,435
He's the world's best comedian.
He glues things!
33
00:02:26,644 --> 00:02:30,102
Like he glues a Kleenex box
to a tennis shoe and goes:
34
00:02:30,682 --> 00:02:33,651
"This is in case you have a runny nose."
35
00:02:33,752 --> 00:02:37,347
That's not a joke, son.
That's a waste of good glue.
36
00:02:37,622 --> 00:02:40,420
Well, he makes $3 million a year.
37
00:02:40,592 --> 00:02:42,321
You must've got that wrong.
38
00:02:42,394 --> 00:02:45,488
People don't pay money
to see things like that.
39
00:02:45,663 --> 00:02:49,099
Now, Robert Klein,
that's something you pay money for.
40
00:02:49,934 --> 00:02:53,529
- [Yawning] What is going on in there?
- I'm worried about our boy.
41
00:02:53,605 --> 00:02:57,735
Some green-haired freak
told him to rub cheese on my guitar.
42
00:02:57,942 --> 00:03:01,969
You mean Celery Head.
I saw him on Entertainment Tonight.
43
00:03:02,514 --> 00:03:04,641
PEGGY: He makes $3 million a year.
44
00:03:05,250 --> 00:03:06,300
[Sighs]
45
00:03:06,651 --> 00:03:09,677
Luanne, good Lord! Put on some pants!
46
00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:10,804
I'm wearing shorts.
47
00:03:10,889 --> 00:03:11,939
[Screams]
48
00:03:11,990 --> 00:03:13,981
Don't scare me like that!
49
00:03:16,027 --> 00:03:19,019
Look at this, Peggy.
The boy chipped Betsy's bridge.
50
00:03:19,164 --> 00:03:22,691
And he woke me up from my Willie Nelson
golfing dream, number three.
51
00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:25,759
Calm down. It is just a bunch of wood
and some wires.
52
00:03:25,837 --> 00:03:29,603
Wood and wires?
I've had Betsy since high school.
53
00:03:29,774 --> 00:03:33,175
I took her to the prom. I love this guitar.
54
00:03:33,244 --> 00:03:37,010
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Do you understand what love means?
55
00:03:37,082 --> 00:03:39,175
Yes. I love my family.
56
00:03:39,317 --> 00:03:43,617
Yeah. Now you're getting it.
That's the kind of love I have for Betsy.
57
00:03:44,355 --> 00:03:47,791
- I'm going back to sleep. You coming?
- I'm already up.
58
00:03:47,859 --> 00:03:50,760
Besides, I wouldn't want to make
Betsy jealous.
59
00:03:50,829 --> 00:03:53,923
HANK: Luanne, would you please
not sit like that?
60
00:03:54,566 --> 00:03:56,193
[Making engine sounds]
61
00:03:56,267 --> 00:03:59,236
"I sell propane and propane accessories.
62
00:03:59,304 --> 00:04:02,603
"I tell you what. Shut up, Dale."
63
00:04:06,744 --> 00:04:07,794
[Crash]
64
00:04:07,846 --> 00:04:10,371
Willie, no. That's a one-way street.
65
00:04:10,448 --> 00:04:11,574
[Horn blaring]
66
00:04:11,716 --> 00:04:15,174
HANK: What happened to my truck?
BOBBY: Your mower hit it.
67
00:04:15,253 --> 00:04:19,849
Maybe I ought to send my mower
to one of those children's psychologists.
68
00:04:20,758 --> 00:04:22,020
[Grunting]
69
00:04:22,093 --> 00:04:25,859
LUANNE: Are you mad about something?
PEGGY: Mad? Why would I be mad?
70
00:04:25,930 --> 00:04:30,697
Just because Hank pays more attention
to that silly guitar than he does to me?
71
00:04:30,768 --> 00:04:31,962
[Screaming]
72
00:04:32,270 --> 00:04:33,669
Lay off the gas.
73
00:04:33,738 --> 00:04:36,468
If I break another nail,
I'll fail my manicure final.
74
00:04:36,469 --> 00:04:38,809
Are you having trouble
at the beauty academy?
75
00:04:38,810 --> 00:04:39,860
No.
76
00:04:40,578 --> 00:04:42,739
I'm also failing braid work.
77
00:04:42,981 --> 00:04:46,314
Braid work does not come natural
to the women in our family, honey.
78
00:04:46,315 --> 00:04:48,852
You know it, I know it,
and the whole town knows it.
79
00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:49,903
[Horn blaring]
80
00:04:49,921 --> 00:04:51,980
Sounds like your horn's going off!
81
00:04:52,056 --> 00:04:54,024
HANK: You really think so, Bill?
82
00:04:54,092 --> 00:04:55,354
Oh, yeah.
83
00:04:55,827 --> 00:04:56,877
Damn it, Hank!
84
00:04:56,895 --> 00:05:00,831
You know I can't have loud,
sudden noises while I'm meditating!
85
00:05:01,032 --> 00:05:04,263
I was a nose hair away
from attaining inner peace!
86
00:05:04,969 --> 00:05:06,019
Shut up!
87
00:05:06,037 --> 00:05:07,087
[Horn stops]
88
00:05:07,138 --> 00:05:09,402
Don't even try to take credit for that.
89
00:05:09,474 --> 00:05:13,535
It was not done by me.
It was done through me.
90
00:05:14,179 --> 00:05:15,229
[Metallic clank]
91
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,544
What is that chinging noise?
92
00:05:17,916 --> 00:05:19,747
One of those stealth helicopters...
93
00:05:19,817 --> 00:05:22,945
with computerized
noise-cancellation capability.
94
00:05:24,022 --> 00:05:26,081
They're still working the chings out.
95
00:05:26,082 --> 00:05:28,559
How did you know
about the stealth helicopters?
96
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,654
Alt. Conspiracy. Black. Helicopters.
97
00:05:32,096 --> 00:05:35,725
I tell you what. That Internet, man.
You just go in there, point and click.
98
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,893
Get in and talk about ww. W com.
99
00:05:37,969 --> 00:05:40,096
Mean, you got them
naked chicks on there.
100
00:05:40,171 --> 00:05:42,901
You go click, click, click.
It's real easy, man.
101
00:05:46,377 --> 00:05:48,277
HANK: Bobby, give me that club!
102
00:05:48,346 --> 00:05:50,940
Son, maybe I'm not
getting through to you.
103
00:05:51,015 --> 00:05:52,277
Let me explain.
104
00:05:52,350 --> 00:05:55,148
You got to respect other people's things.
105
00:05:55,353 --> 00:05:59,312
You do not use a man's pitching wedge
to hit clumps of mud.
106
00:05:59,557 --> 00:06:02,185
It's not mud, Dad. It's dog doo.
107
00:06:04,128 --> 00:06:05,720
HANK: That boy ain't right.
108
00:06:05,797 --> 00:06:06,855
[Hollering]
109
00:06:06,856 --> 00:06:09,466
Excellent workout!
I got my rotator cuff rotating.
110
00:06:09,467 --> 00:06:11,230
My face feels weird.
111
00:06:12,337 --> 00:06:14,168
- Carlos!
- Carlos?
112
00:06:14,305 --> 00:06:16,273
You name your things, I'll name mine.
113
00:06:16,341 --> 00:06:20,209
What about that thing named Bobby?
What are we gonna do about him?
114
00:06:20,278 --> 00:06:23,475
He seems bent on destroying
everything I own.
115
00:06:23,648 --> 00:06:26,708
Why can't he turn that energy
into something useful?
116
00:06:26,784 --> 00:06:30,151
Like that boy with no legs
who ran across Canada.
117
00:06:30,221 --> 00:06:33,281
Maybe you need to spend
some time together, just talking.
118
00:06:33,358 --> 00:06:35,622
You and Bobby. Mano a mano.
119
00:06:35,727 --> 00:06:38,924
- I can't now, I'm going golfing.
- Take him with you.
120
00:06:38,997 --> 00:06:41,522
We're riding a full 18 holes today.
121
00:06:41,866 --> 00:06:44,767
You know what that kind of stress
can do to a boy?
122
00:06:46,738 --> 00:06:49,764
Bobby, I apologize for yelling at you.
123
00:06:49,841 --> 00:06:52,469
But sometimes, you just don't listen.
124
00:06:52,677 --> 00:06:56,044
It's like you got a problem
with concentration.
125
00:06:57,782 --> 00:06:58,976
Bobby?
126
00:06:59,117 --> 00:07:00,277
Bobby!
127
00:07:00,351 --> 00:07:01,545
Bobby!
128
00:07:02,086 --> 00:07:04,145
Hey! You just killed me!
129
00:07:04,255 --> 00:07:06,018
You needed killing.
130
00:07:06,124 --> 00:07:08,024
I've been thinking, son...
131
00:07:08,092 --> 00:07:10,856
and I realized, you don't have any goals.
132
00:07:11,362 --> 00:07:14,763
You've got to figure out
what you want to do with your life.
133
00:07:14,832 --> 00:07:17,027
Okay. Can we go to Six Flags?
134
00:07:17,402 --> 00:07:18,452
[Sighs]
135
00:07:18,670 --> 00:07:21,002
I think you need a role model.
136
00:07:21,139 --> 00:07:23,664
Someone to emulate. A hero.
137
00:07:24,108 --> 00:07:26,668
Someone besides that Broccoli Neck.
138
00:07:27,412 --> 00:07:31,007
How about Eddie Stillson?
Can I emulate him?
139
00:07:31,149 --> 00:07:34,482
Now, there you go. Eddie Stillson.
Which one's he?
140
00:07:34,552 --> 00:07:37,919
Is he the space shuttle astronaut
or the stock car champ?
141
00:07:37,989 --> 00:07:40,787
He got to the end of Level 6
in Scream Ninja.
142
00:07:40,858 --> 00:07:45,727
Bobby, when I say "hero,"
I don't mean some weird Game Boy freak.
143
00:07:46,097 --> 00:07:49,931
If you don't watch it, you're gonna end up
like Jason Adderly's boy.
144
00:07:50,702 --> 00:07:52,727
Deal me out this hand, Jason.
145
00:07:53,071 --> 00:07:54,766
I'm about to bust.
146
00:07:55,073 --> 00:07:58,600
Sorry, I thought, this was the bathroom.
Oh, good Lord!
147
00:07:58,676 --> 00:08:00,109
[Panting]
148
00:08:01,212 --> 00:08:02,941
You know Howard Adderly?
149
00:08:03,014 --> 00:08:05,915
He's my number-two hero,
after Eddie Stillson.
150
00:08:06,617 --> 00:08:09,586
Bobby, you need
to be lectured all afternoon.
151
00:08:09,887 --> 00:08:12,822
Peggy, I'm taking the boy golfing,
and that's that.
152
00:08:19,263 --> 00:08:20,313
[Grunting]
153
00:08:20,365 --> 00:08:23,425
Careful now, Peggy.
Betsy isn't strapped in yet.
154
00:08:23,501 --> 00:08:26,868
Do not tell me
you're taking that thing golfing with you.
155
00:08:26,938 --> 00:08:30,396
Don't be silly, Peg.
Just bringing her in to get fixed.
156
00:08:30,742 --> 00:08:34,803
Sit in the middle, son. I want to make sure
Betsy's in front of the airbag.
157
00:08:36,180 --> 00:08:38,978
HANK: So, Bobby, we've got
to think of a hero for you.
158
00:08:39,050 --> 00:08:43,316
- Do you have a hero, Dad?
- I sure do. And it's Willie Nelson.
159
00:08:43,588 --> 00:08:44,638
How come?
160
00:08:45,156 --> 00:08:47,954
You might say he's been my inspiration.
161
00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:51,960
See, Willie grew up in Texas,
and I grew up in Texas.
162
00:08:52,463 --> 00:08:54,897
He loves golfing and playing guitar.
163
00:08:54,966 --> 00:08:57,400
I love golfing and playing guitar.
164
00:08:57,468 --> 00:08:59,902
He's had trouble with the IRS.
165
00:09:00,071 --> 00:09:04,872
And I must have spent six hours last April
on that 1040 form.
166
00:09:05,443 --> 00:09:06,967
"EZ," my ass.
167
00:09:07,612 --> 00:09:09,881
Do you have a hero like that?
168
00:09:11,249 --> 00:09:12,739
Willie Nelson?
169
00:09:13,818 --> 00:09:17,652
You're just saying Willie Nelson
because I said Willie Nelson.
170
00:09:17,722 --> 00:09:19,747
No, I like Willie Nelson.
171
00:09:19,824 --> 00:09:22,452
He's got long hair. He's Alternative.
172
00:09:22,526 --> 00:09:24,153
Now, you take that back.
173
00:09:24,228 --> 00:09:27,061
I followed that man
from Country Western...
174
00:09:27,131 --> 00:09:29,622
to Country, to Adult Contemporary...
175
00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:31,998
and that's as far as I'm going.
176
00:09:32,069 --> 00:09:34,367
Here, son. Take a look at that.
177
00:09:34,472 --> 00:09:37,873
That's Willie Nelson's
own personal golf course.
178
00:09:41,012 --> 00:09:44,539
LUANNE: I am going to show
that braiding machine who's boss.
179
00:09:44,682 --> 00:09:48,118
Go on, Luanne. Show this town
there's a braider in the family.
180
00:09:50,187 --> 00:09:54,146
I'm not scared of you.
This time I'll beat you at your own game.
181
00:10:01,098 --> 00:10:02,588
Miss Kremzer!
182
00:10:03,601 --> 00:10:05,068
Someone!
183
00:10:05,069 --> 00:10:07,337
HANK: It's the bridge, isn't it?
184
00:10:07,338 --> 00:10:11,331
The bridge is the symptom.
Thread asymmetry is the disease.
185
00:10:11,809 --> 00:10:12,935
[Sniffing]
186
00:10:13,210 --> 00:10:15,508
Smells like bellybutton.
187
00:10:15,613 --> 00:10:18,343
My son was playing it
with a piece of cheese.
188
00:10:18,449 --> 00:10:20,474
You mean, like Celery Head?
189
00:10:21,319 --> 00:10:23,446
"Look, I'm Camembert Humperdinck."
190
00:10:23,521 --> 00:10:24,571
Les.
191
00:10:24,622 --> 00:10:27,614
Go in the back and
alphabetize the guitar strings.
192
00:10:27,692 --> 00:10:30,217
- Alphabetize by letter, or...
- Les.
193
00:10:30,728 --> 00:10:32,093
- Okay.
- All right.
194
00:10:32,163 --> 00:10:34,893
Cheese or not,
this is a sweet, sweet guitar.
195
00:10:35,166 --> 00:10:38,602
- Is she for sale?
- Not hardly. Just fix the bridge, Earl.
196
00:10:38,669 --> 00:10:40,330
[Sighing] I didn't think so.
197
00:10:40,604 --> 00:10:44,938
Most guys would sell their wives
before they'd sell a guitar like this.
198
00:10:45,876 --> 00:10:47,969
I got to remember that one.
199
00:10:48,112 --> 00:10:50,137
Heck, I got a million of them, like:
200
00:10:50,214 --> 00:10:51,943
"Women are a lot like a guitar.
201
00:10:52,016 --> 00:10:54,610
"They both come with strings attached."
202
00:10:58,322 --> 00:11:00,119
Actually, those are the only two.
203
00:11:00,191 --> 00:11:02,241
Most women would
be threatened by Betsy.
204
00:11:02,293 --> 00:11:03,885
But not me, I don't care.
205
00:11:03,961 --> 00:11:06,020
I'd like to see that guitar come home...
206
00:11:06,097 --> 00:11:09,464
and chicken-fry a steak
after substitute-teaching all day.
207
00:11:11,135 --> 00:11:13,296
Why, thank you, Mrs. Hillman.
208
00:11:19,043 --> 00:11:21,773
BILL: Santy Claus.
HANK: What are you talking about?
209
00:11:21,879 --> 00:11:24,370
Santy Claus. He could be the boy's hero.
210
00:11:24,482 --> 00:11:28,748
In one 24-hour period, he delivers
toys and joy to every child on Earth.
211
00:11:28,853 --> 00:11:30,980
Santa Claus is for babies!
212
00:11:31,422 --> 00:11:33,617
You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
213
00:11:34,658 --> 00:11:35,708
[Grunting]
214
00:11:36,627 --> 00:11:37,719
[Groaning]
215
00:11:38,763 --> 00:11:41,527
Damn Russian titanium alloy.
216
00:11:48,039 --> 00:11:49,700
[Birds chirping]
217
00:11:53,244 --> 00:11:54,575
[Bill clearing throat]
218
00:11:56,447 --> 00:11:57,497
[Sighs]
219
00:11:57,548 --> 00:12:01,279
Maybe it's just first-hole jitters.
Got any tips, Boomhauer?
220
00:12:01,419 --> 00:12:04,980
[Muttering] I'll tell you what you do.
You just keep that arm straight.
221
00:12:05,056 --> 00:12:08,219
You put your left hand still, man.
Just speed it the hell up.
222
00:12:08,292 --> 00:12:10,419
HANK: Let's roll. Come on, Bobby.
223
00:12:14,832 --> 00:12:17,198
Oh, man! I'm out of cigarettes!
224
00:12:17,802 --> 00:12:20,669
BOOMHAUER: Dang, y'all just
hit the hedges. Fore!
225
00:12:21,405 --> 00:12:24,067
Mr. Gribble, who's your all-time hero?
226
00:12:24,208 --> 00:12:26,699
You are, if you get me some smokes.
227
00:12:26,877 --> 00:12:29,903
So, the stripper says to the priest...
228
00:12:29,980 --> 00:12:31,277
Bill, the boy.
229
00:12:31,348 --> 00:12:32,474
[Stammering]
230
00:12:32,550 --> 00:12:36,179
She says, "I decided to repent...
231
00:12:36,253 --> 00:12:38,721
"and become a nun."
232
00:12:38,789 --> 00:12:42,782
[Laughing] A dang old nun, man.
I tell you what, man.
233
00:12:42,783 --> 00:12:45,462
BOOMHAUER: That's funny.
BOBBY: Hey, Dad, watch this.
234
00:12:45,463 --> 00:12:46,987
HANK: No, son. Don't.
235
00:12:47,650 --> 00:12:49,699
[Whistling]
236
00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:51,258
DALE: All right, Bobby!
237
00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:52,734
HANK: Well, I'll be.
238
00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:55,704
HANK: Son, you just might be
the next Lee Trevino.
239
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:57,865
Without the crazy accent.
240
00:12:58,275 --> 00:13:01,142
Tell you what,
I'm going to let you tee off on this hole.
241
00:13:01,212 --> 00:13:02,304
Okay.
242
00:13:04,148 --> 00:13:07,606
That's okay, Bobby. You can do it.
Just choke up on it.
243
00:13:07,718 --> 00:13:09,845
And swing less like a girl.
244
00:13:13,357 --> 00:13:14,415
[Screaming]
245
00:13:14,492 --> 00:13:15,542
[Gasping]
246
00:13:15,593 --> 00:13:18,687
- Can I get a do-over?
- Bobby, hop in!
247
00:13:18,796 --> 00:13:21,162
Hank, dispose of the witnesses.
248
00:13:21,632 --> 00:13:23,463
Dale, come back here!
249
00:13:26,403 --> 00:13:27,893
Willie Nelson!
250
00:13:28,739 --> 00:13:31,139
Check his pockets for cigarettes.
251
00:13:33,644 --> 00:13:36,704
HANK: Willie Nelson!
Oh, my Lord, are you okay?
252
00:13:36,881 --> 00:13:39,315
- Am I bleeding from the ears?
- No.
253
00:13:39,950 --> 00:13:41,975
I must be okay, then.
254
00:13:42,286 --> 00:13:45,380
Oh, Mr. Nelson, I am so sorry!
255
00:13:45,589 --> 00:13:48,490
My boy is new to golfing. Oh, gosh!
256
00:13:48,826 --> 00:13:52,023
I'm your biggest fan.
I go to every concert I can.
257
00:13:52,096 --> 00:13:54,758
I've been to every Farm Aid, except one.
258
00:13:54,832 --> 00:13:57,357
I don't much care for that Bryan Adams.
259
00:13:57,468 --> 00:14:01,837
Damn! I wish I had my guitar here with me
for you to sign. Here.
260
00:14:02,273 --> 00:14:06,972
Why don't you make it out to, let's say,
"To my best friend."
261
00:14:07,144 --> 00:14:10,739
No, I don't want you to lie.
"To my good friend."
262
00:14:13,250 --> 00:14:15,980
"To my number one fan, Hank Hill."
263
00:14:16,954 --> 00:14:19,980
Hey, Willie! You know, I play guitar, too.
264
00:14:20,157 --> 00:14:23,285
I also play golf. But you already know that.
265
00:14:24,261 --> 00:14:28,459
But you probably don't know,
you're my hero.
266
00:14:28,832 --> 00:14:30,459
He took our cart.
267
00:14:30,534 --> 00:14:32,798
- Was he bleeding from the ears?
- No.
268
00:14:32,870 --> 00:14:36,033
- He must be okay, then.
- You don't understand.
269
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:40,267
A man only gets a chance to meet
Willie Nelson once in his life.
270
00:14:40,377 --> 00:14:42,504
It's supposed to be special.
271
00:14:42,580 --> 00:14:46,573
We meet on the golf course.
He compliments my perfect swing.
272
00:14:47,117 --> 00:14:50,814
We start talking about music,
cut an album, go on tour...
273
00:14:51,155 --> 00:14:53,316
open a chicken franchise.
274
00:14:54,024 --> 00:14:56,117
How's that going to happen now?
275
00:14:56,193 --> 00:14:59,185
It's my fault
for ever taking the boy with me.
276
00:14:59,396 --> 00:15:01,125
I said I was sorry.
277
00:15:02,399 --> 00:15:04,094
Are you Hank Hill?
278
00:15:04,935 --> 00:15:05,985
Yes.
279
00:15:06,971 --> 00:15:10,964
BOBBY: I'm tired of being a lack of focus.
I'm going to show them I can do better.
280
00:15:11,041 --> 00:15:13,009
I'm going to make my dad proud.
281
00:15:15,045 --> 00:15:17,036
I'm gonna not tell Dad about that.
282
00:15:22,319 --> 00:15:24,287
[Fancy doorbell chiming]
283
00:15:26,624 --> 00:15:27,989
[Grunting]
284
00:15:41,572 --> 00:15:44,666
- Hey, is that Ben Crenshaw Turbo Golf?
- Yeah.
285
00:15:44,942 --> 00:15:47,536
I can never get it past the bunker
on the third hole.
286
00:15:47,611 --> 00:15:50,910
Try letting it go
just below the mark on your drive.
287
00:15:50,981 --> 00:15:53,449
Hey, I know you.
You're the kid that rakes my lawn.
288
00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:55,747
No, I'm the kid who hit you in the head.
289
00:15:55,819 --> 00:15:57,946
- With a rake?
- No, with a golf club.
290
00:15:58,022 --> 00:16:01,152
You been raking my yard with a golf club?
I want my quarter back.
291
00:16:01,559 --> 00:16:02,685
[Phone rings]
292
00:16:03,728 --> 00:16:06,856
HANK: Hill residence.
BOBBY: Dad, guess where I am?
293
00:16:06,931 --> 00:16:08,364
I don't know. Let's see.
294
00:16:08,433 --> 00:16:11,527
Crushing Dwight Yoakam's
voice box with my five iron?
295
00:16:11,603 --> 00:16:14,902
BOBBY: I'm at Willie Nelson's.
And he wants you to come over.
296
00:16:14,973 --> 00:16:17,703
Son, you're teasing
the gorilla in the monkey house.
297
00:16:17,704 --> 00:16:20,711
WILLIE: Willie Nelson here.
Practically blind in one eye now.
298
00:16:20,712 --> 00:16:24,409
WILLIE: But I got your son here.
HANK: I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Nelson.
299
00:16:24,482 --> 00:16:27,792
Bobby's never stalked anyone before,
and he's not very good at it.
300
00:16:27,819 --> 00:16:30,447
I mean, he shouldn't be stalking anybody.
301
00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:32,752
I'll come get him right away.
302
00:16:33,324 --> 00:16:35,189
[Cheerful country music playing]
303
00:16:38,329 --> 00:16:39,626
[Kids laughing]
304
00:16:44,636 --> 00:16:45,686
HANK: Bobby!
305
00:16:46,704 --> 00:16:48,797
Out of my way, rooster-boy.
306
00:16:49,674 --> 00:16:51,107
[Guitar strumming]
307
00:16:52,443 --> 00:16:53,493
Betsy?
308
00:16:54,579 --> 00:16:56,410
HANK: What the...
BOBBY: Hey, Dad!
309
00:16:56,814 --> 00:16:59,374
Hey, Hank.
Bobby's been telling me all about you.
310
00:16:59,450 --> 00:17:02,817
I hear you're a guitar player,
and that you got a narrow urethra.
311
00:17:02,921 --> 00:17:03,971
Bobby!
312
00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:07,651
- And he had me autograph your guitar.
- You signed my guitar?
313
00:17:07,725 --> 00:17:10,387
"To my number-one fan, Willie Nelson."
314
00:17:10,388 --> 00:17:14,431
LUANNE: "The fox chases the rabbit
around the tree trunk and..."
315
00:17:14,432 --> 00:17:15,482
[Phone rings]
316
00:17:15,967 --> 00:17:17,491
I was so close!
317
00:17:17,735 --> 00:17:18,827
[Sobbing]
318
00:17:18,828 --> 00:17:21,972
PEGGY: Hill residence.
HANK: You'll never guess!
319
00:17:21,973 --> 00:17:25,739
I'm at Willie Nelson's house.
He says we're all invited to his barbecue.
320
00:17:25,810 --> 00:17:27,243
Gee, I'd love to come.
321
00:17:27,244 --> 00:17:29,580
But Ann Richards and I
are doing our toenails.
322
00:17:29,581 --> 00:17:32,216
WILLIE: I don't think so,
I'm looking at her right now...
323
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,751
and she's playing tetherball
with one of my roadies.
324
00:17:34,752 --> 00:17:36,447
HANK: See? That was him.
325
00:17:37,121 --> 00:17:39,021
Oh, my Lord! What do I wear?
326
00:17:39,090 --> 00:17:41,260
HANK: It doesn't matter.
Wear any old thing.
327
00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:45,456
Just don't forget to bring
Betsy's orange, woven shoulder strap.
328
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:49,667
Betsy sure is a beaut, Hank.
I think Trigger's getting jealous.
329
00:17:49,734 --> 00:17:53,067
Why, thank you, Willie.
It sure means a lot coming from you.
330
00:17:53,538 --> 00:17:55,438
You know what they say:
331
00:17:55,807 --> 00:17:59,004
"I'd sell my wife before I'd sell my guitar."
332
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:04,545
[Muttering] I tell you what,
you did that old Mr. Tambourine Man...
333
00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:07,016
talk about "Come play a song for me."
334
00:18:07,085 --> 00:18:09,485
Then you changed your name
to Zimmerman...
335
00:18:09,554 --> 00:18:10,782
and y'all born again.
336
00:18:10,783 --> 00:18:13,824
[Muttering] A whole bunch of kids
are going around.
337
00:18:13,825 --> 00:18:17,158
Mad Dog Denim going platinum.
Who knows?
338
00:18:17,228 --> 00:18:20,561
Accounting firms
and dang old Boomhauer.
339
00:18:21,332 --> 00:18:24,358
Ma'am, you're going to
want to angle that glass.
340
00:18:25,870 --> 00:18:29,636
- You're blowing it.
- You're gonna get nothing but foam.
341
00:18:33,711 --> 00:18:34,761
Yep.
342
00:18:34,979 --> 00:18:37,709
Mr. Hopper, I just loved you in that movie.
343
00:18:37,782 --> 00:18:42,185
- The one where you played a mad villain?
- Come on, Peggy, you wild thing.
344
00:18:42,253 --> 00:18:46,155
Let's drive straight down to Mexico.
Come on. Right this minute.
345
00:18:46,224 --> 00:18:49,660
Mexico. I wonder what a wife
goes for down there.
346
00:18:49,727 --> 00:18:53,060
One guitar? Two guitars?
I will have to ask Hank.
347
00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:57,964
[Speaking Spanish]
348
00:18:58,269 --> 00:19:02,365
He's not treating you right, Peggy.
A delicate flower like you.
349
00:19:02,473 --> 00:19:04,634
Do you want me to kick his ass?
350
00:19:05,043 --> 00:19:07,511
You are so sweet to offer, Dennis.
351
00:19:07,578 --> 00:19:10,138
But Hank would flatten you out like a bug.
352
00:19:10,214 --> 00:19:13,843
No. This is something Peggy Hill
has to handle on her own.
353
00:19:14,118 --> 00:19:15,585
[Hollering]
354
00:19:15,653 --> 00:19:17,120
You go, girl!
355
00:19:21,125 --> 00:19:23,650
That's some boy you got there, Hank.
356
00:19:23,728 --> 00:19:24,956
[Grunting]
357
00:19:25,596 --> 00:19:27,996
It's nice of you to say that.
358
00:19:28,066 --> 00:19:31,900
But Bobby's got no direction in life,
no heroes.
359
00:19:32,103 --> 00:19:34,571
When I was his age, I worshipped you.
360
00:19:34,672 --> 00:19:36,765
Well, and Jesus, of course.
361
00:19:36,908 --> 00:19:39,900
- Ever think you're too tough on the boy?
- I don't know.
362
00:19:39,977 --> 00:19:44,539
Just today, he chipped Betsy's bridge,
ran into my truck with the mower...
363
00:19:44,682 --> 00:19:48,277
dinged up my favorite wedge,
and then dinged you up worse.
364
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:50,412
Hold on there. You think about it.
365
00:19:50,488 --> 00:19:53,457
Bobby wants to play your guitar,
ride your mower...
366
00:19:53,524 --> 00:19:55,458
and swing your golf club.
367
00:19:55,593 --> 00:19:59,495
I believe that kid does have a hero.
And his name is Hank Hall.
368
00:19:59,597 --> 00:20:01,087
Hill.
369
00:20:01,165 --> 00:20:02,257
Yeah, right.
370
00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:03,927
Bobby.
371
00:20:04,502 --> 00:20:05,552
Bobby.
372
00:20:05,603 --> 00:20:06,653
Bobby!
373
00:20:06,704 --> 00:20:10,663
- What?
- I just want to thank you for...
374
00:20:10,908 --> 00:20:14,503
helping me meet my hero,
and having him sign my guitar.
375
00:20:14,679 --> 00:20:16,840
I helped him put ointment in his eye.
376
00:20:16,914 --> 00:20:19,815
I'm going to show you something
you can do with a guitar...
377
00:20:19,884 --> 00:20:22,011
that doesn't involve cheese.
378
00:20:23,121 --> 00:20:25,919
This is a song I wrote a long time ago.
379
00:20:30,695 --> 00:20:33,323
Well, I know a gal with a purty leg
380
00:20:33,564 --> 00:20:35,657
She's a gal who can fry my egg
381
00:20:36,968 --> 00:20:41,234
And her name is Peg-gy
382
00:20:42,106 --> 00:20:44,802
Well, Peggy-Peg, Peggy-Peg
383
00:20:44,876 --> 00:20:47,276
Peg-a-leg
384
00:20:47,345 --> 00:20:51,475
Oh, Peggy, my Peg-a-leg
385
00:20:52,083 --> 00:20:56,213
Well, I love you, and I love you, Peggy-Peg
386
00:20:56,287 --> 00:20:57,337
Well...
387
00:20:57,388 --> 00:21:00,846
Then it just sort of goes off
into a Buddy Holly riff.
388
00:21:01,058 --> 00:21:03,219
- Oh, Hank.
- Peggy!
389
00:21:04,328 --> 00:21:07,855
I didn't realize you were there.
Here, Bobby. Go practice.
390
00:21:07,932 --> 00:21:10,423
BOBBY: Are you sure it's okay for me?
HANK: Git!
391
00:21:10,501 --> 00:21:14,111
I was headed over here to knock you
six ways from Sunday with that guitar.
392
00:21:14,172 --> 00:21:18,233
Then I get here and you're playing
that old song of yours, and...
393
00:21:20,011 --> 00:21:21,979
I love you, Propane Man.
394
00:21:28,352 --> 00:21:30,377
You braided that perfect, Luanne.
395
00:21:30,588 --> 00:21:33,352
But next time lighten up a little
on the glitter spray.
396
00:21:42,732 --> 00:21:45,963
HANK: What's that chord you hit on the...
397
00:21:46,669 --> 00:21:50,571
You just got to hold it just a little longer
before you go to F.
398
00:21:54,978 --> 00:21:57,469
HANK: Now?
WILLIE: That's a good spot, yeah.
399
00:22:00,483 --> 00:22:01,882
WILLIE: Do it again.
400
00:22:01,932 --> 00:22:06,482
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