Original subtitles

[rock music]

[man] ♪ Oh, poison

♪ How you gonna do me in

♪ So many ways to kill me

♪ Don't know where to begin

♪ Oh woman

♪ Why do you wanna Hurt me so? ♪

♪ I know that You don't love me ♪

♪ So why don't you Just let me go ♪

♪ I've escaped By dreamin' of ♪

♪ Another summer day

♪ You might wake To find our home ♪

♪ A thousand miles away

♪ Oh, demon

♪ A-barein' down on me

♪ You cast a spell Upon my heart ♪

♪ And, ah, so I can't see

♪ Oh, Delilah

♪ Why do you wanna Cut my hair ♪

♪ I know that you Don't want me strong ♪

♪ You want me Weak and scared ♪

Sam's got A pretty one tonight.

[man] Well, it's about time.

-You're Tundra? -And you're Sam Daniels.

In the flesh. Sit. Sit, darlin'.

[Sam] Oh, my goodness. Let's get this straight.

You see me on the tube, and you say,

"I got to meet him."

[chuckles]

-Ain't that a bitch? -Mmm.

-Somethin' else? -Bring me a J.B. and soda.

For the diva? Do you have anything chocolate?

Beer.

I'll have a Bloody Mary.

I'll bleed in it personally.

Funny guy.

We, uh,

we don't get many girls like you in Buda, Tundra.

So, are they paying you well to do what you do?

They pay me damn well. People trust me.

Just between me and you,

meteorology is bullshit.

A 30% chance of rain is just a meaningless statistic.

It's either gonna rain or it ain't.

Just like when you wake up in the morning.

You're either gonna make it through the day,

or some bad gene of some asshole's gonna take you out.

Why did you call me?

Because if this is some kind of tease...

I called you for one reason and one reason only, Sammy.

I wanna bang you until your eyes pop out of your head,

and then I want you to give me the fucking barometric pressure.

Oh, yeah.

Uh, hold on a minute.

You're not a call girl, are you?

'cause, um, I don't pay for pussy.

[chuckles] We all pay eventually.

Yeah, buddy.

Oh, I'm going to enjoy this.

♪ Well, I found my woman

♪ Packin' her bag

She said Honey I'm goin'

-Whoo! - ♪ And I ain't comin' back

♪ I cried Baby are you crazy ♪

♪ Is it something I did

♪ No, only to please you

♪ And this is all she said

♪ Honey, the dog wants in

♪ And the cat wants out

♪ We're steady Lookin' for something ♪

♪ We can't live without

It's not much.

Hey, there's a bed.

Hi, baby. Hey, you called me. Remember, honey?

-Mm-hmm. -[laughing]

So, you want it rough?

-[door lock clicks] -I've had it rough.

[Sam] What are you lookin' for now?

Handcuffs?

I know.

No glove,

no love.

No love.

Shit!

What the hell's the matter with you?

That bullet was meant for your cheating heart.

-Well, you missed, you crazy bitch! -Oh, sorry.

I know this wasn't exactly the kind of hole you were looking for tonight.

Just give me the gun, please. Just give me the goddamn gun.

What the fuck would I do that for?

What kind of woman-hating, rainmaking, dumb shit...

Motherfucker are you, anyway?

I'm gonna kill you right here and now.

Or you could just go back to plan "A,"

and you can just fuck me.

It was a joke, okay? Just a goddamn joke.

I don't think your wife would find that very funny.

She sure didn't when she hired me.

Happy anniversary, asshole.

♪ So then I had me a notion ♪

♪ In the dark of my mind

♪ Thought I'd walk Into the ocean ♪

♪ And leave The world behind ♪

♪ On the way I met a dolphin ♪

♪ Strokin' through the sand

♪ Said I've visualized This often ♪

♪ And now I understand

♪ Just the dog wants in

♪ And the cat wants out

Fucking nuts.

[announcer] Residents of Buda are shocked...

over the shooting death of KFBY weatherman Sam Daniels.

The 50-year-old was found with a fatal bullet wound to his heart.

Do you have anything to add to that, Billy Bob?

[Billy Bob] It was weird. He was actin' all strange.

It was kinda like he had a premonition.

[laughing] He finally predicted something right.

My god. Can the value of human life sink any lower?

You're operating under the theory that killing somebody...

is the worst thing you can do to them.

"That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet."

Emily Dickinson wrote that.

Yeah, well, that's the kind of thinking that got her killed.

-[thud] -Uh-oh. Ooh!

-Oh. -Oh. Too bad.

Oh, my god. It looks like an armadillo.

Stop. Pull over. Maybe we can help it.

[laughs] It's goulash.

Right. Turn left here. This is the house.

[laughs] Hey, you're doing your homework.

Okay. This guy claims his green '96 BMW was stolen.

He's also a small-time hood.

Rap sheet as long as my dick.

-You okay? -Oh, sure. Sure.

Just felt a little safer behind a desk is all.

-Piece of cake. -So,

this is field work, huh?

Yeah. Let's go rap on the deadbeat's door.

-What's your problem? -I have to pee.

[scoffs] Well, you're on your own with that one.

Thank you.

-You meet me back here. -Roger that.

-[television, indistinct] -Yeah?

-Hi. Are you Dean Longo? -Yeah.

-Who the hell are you? -Bruce Billings,

-city and farm insurance. -You got a check for me?

I'm a field adjuster.

I'd like to ask you a few questions.

[urinating]

What kind of questions? You don't trust me?

Just a formality.

Oh.

"444XZ1"

How the fuck should I know who took it?

It was stolen from me.

Bruce. Bruce. Bruce!

-Shit. -Excuse me.

Hey, look.

I don't know what kind of game you're playin' here.

This is trespassin'.

I can have you assholes arrested.

[laughing]

-The numbers match? -Yes, they do.

Listen. You gotta help me.

I ain't no crook.

Yeah, that's what all crooks say. Say cheese.

-[camera clicks] -What about you?

You seem like a friendly little guy.

How about cuttin' me a break?

-Maybe we can work something out. -Well, sir,

I always say your policy's based on honesty,

and honesty is the best policy.

-[camera clicks] -You callin' me a liar?

We don't like to use that terminology. Bruce.

-Huh? -[Bruce] You little turd.

-You know what I'm gonna do? -No.

-I'm gonna kick your ass. -No. Please!

Bruce! Oh! Bruce! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

No! Ow! Ow!

All right, asshole.

You're down for grand theft auto, insurance fraud,

and now you've added assault... I got pictures.

We got you in a fight.

Now we got to get you laid.

Excuse me?

I do not need to get laid, thank you very much.

Why? You a virgin?

No.

What's it smell like?

Lilac?

What's it look like?

-Honeysuckle. -You're a virgin.

-No, I am not. -Yes, you are.

Sex smells like sweat and fish,

not honeysuckle and lilacs.

And it looks like murder. Sweet, bloody murder.

Maybe the way you do it, sicko.

You know, women don't like guys like you.

"Hi. I'm Mac.

I like poetry and puppies. Wanna snuggle?"

Get in the game.

Make sex your goal.

You never know what might come of it. Maybe even love.

Do you love your wife?

No. But I do hate her.

Ah-ha. Then what do you know about love?

And I am not a virgin, okay? Okay?

There you go.

Cover this next job for me.

What, alone? In a confiscated car?

Listen to yourself. I gotta file a report.

Take life by the balls,

or it will kick you in them.

[Bruce's voice] Her name is Sally Rider, if you can believe that.

She's a piece of work.

A chronic claimant. Company's ready to drop her.

Her stuff always seems to disappear at the end of the month.

[Mac] Just around rent time, huh?

[Bruce] Exactly.

Why are they sending an inspector, anyway?

Tanya, we need to show some sign of a burglary.

Could you please go over there and break a window or something?

You break a window.

Don't you dare disrespect your mother!

Now you get over there, and you break a window...

and make it look like we had some kind of a break-in or something.

Shit. I think I cut myself.

They better pay for that window.

[reporter on radio] Another male has been discovered...

in the trunk of a car in the parking lot...

of the tenpin bowling alley downtown.

Buda police deny this is the work of the so-called "Black Widow Killer,"

who may be responsible for the death of KFBY weatherman Sam Daniels.

We'll have more details for you as they become available.

-What the fuck are you looking at? -Nothin'.

Check out the wheels on our little inspector.

[sighs]

-Check out the buns. -Hurry.

Grab life by the balls. Be tough. Kick some balls.

Be...be the ball.

Kick some ass. Kick some ass.

[whispering] Be the ball. Be the ball.

So, this is where he got in, huh?

Yes, it is.

Well, that's weird.

What's weird?

The glass is on the outside.

[sighs]

Stupid goddamn criminals.

[camera clicks]

Keep an eye on him. I'll take care of this.

[groans]

Let's see.

Emily Dickinson. Poetry.

Okay.

Hey, outta here. Go on out.

You know, Miss Rider, this...

This was an awful lot of stuff to walk.

Uh, do you mind if I ask you just a few standard, uh,

-standard, uh, what's the word? -Questions?

Questions. Questions. Thank you.

Uh, "Were you gone for any long periods of time?"

uh, no.

Uh, "Did the neighbors see any moving trucks in the neighbor..."

Look at that car you drive.

That fancy, fancy haircut.

You're all about money, aren't ya?

-No, not really. -I'll bet you are.

I'll bet you are sensitive too.

Do you like poetry?

You like poetry?

I take you for, um,

an Angie Dickinson kinda guy.

Oh, that's Emily.

Whatever.

[nervous laugh] Yes. Yes, I like her.

I like you.

Oh, what's that? Is that a closet?

Would you mind opening it for me, please?

Because I'm a little claustrophobic.

Okay.

-You know what? -What?

I'm not usually like this.

But you are somebody that I could get interested in...

-Ow! -Real quick.

Oh.

Why don't you and me have dinner soon?

I mean, real soon, hmm?

Well, now... Now that wouldn't be very professional now, would it?

Come on, boy.

Finely butchered meat,

Billy Ray on the boom box.

-Candlelight. -Candlelight?

Candlelight. Come on. Saturday night.

[gasps] You could bring the settlement check with you.

Save on the postage.

Well, that's kind of soon, don't you think?

I need the money. [laughs]

What am I gonna do? Serve a man...

who drives around in a BMW on paper plates?

-Well... -Huh?

[moaning]

Mmm.

Hello, soldier.

-So, Saturday night, then? -Okay. Bye-bye now.

And, uh, I'll see you Saturday, then.

Okay.

Bye-bye, Macbeth.

-Sucker. -[laughs]

I'm completely losing my edge.

I miss.

My gun jams.

My confidence is completely shaken.

Maybe your subconscious is telling you that what you're doing is wrong.

I've never had any problem killing before.

Sometimes we reach a point in life

when what we do...

just doesn't work for us anymore.

Killing cheating men used to be the only thing that got me out of bed in the morning.

-Maybe it's time for a change. -Maybe.

Some days I'm so irritable, I don't feel like killing anybody.

Isn't there a little room in your heart

for some love?

[scoffs] That's one four-letter word...

that doesn't roll easily off my tongue, Doc.

You can call me Norm.

Okay, Norm.

Can you honestly say that any man can be trusted?

I've yet to find one.

For instance, can you be trusted?

We're here to talk about you.

But just answer me this one question.

Can you be trusted?

Crystal, I'm afraid our time is up.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's the wrong answer.

What?

See, your wife knows about your little payment arrangements.

-What are you talking about? -You shrink head.

-They give head. -That's ludicrous.

Clearly what you're doing is projecting your neurotic tendencies on...

I'm sorry. I'm afraid your time is up.

No. No, no, please. Don't. [groans]

Hi, Mama.

Holy shit. Where'd you get that?

-Oh, it's the company's. -Figures.

How you doin'? I'm not dead yet. There's that.

Way to look on the bright side, Mama.

Way to look on the bad side is that your father's not dead yet, either.

Yes. [chuckles]

Now, what did you come here for?

They raised the premiums on me and daddy's life insurance policy,

and I need you to sign some papers is all.

-Holy shit! -Now don't worry.

You're still the beneficiary. So, uh, just initial where I highlighted there,

down on the bottom of the page.

-Guess what, Mama? -What?

I met a girl.

You know what I told you about girls.

I know, but... But don't you think it's time I...

Women only want one thing: money. Trust me on that.

Why would you want to give away half of the farm?

I don't have a farm, Mama.

And I'm lonely.

Sweetie, women got teeth down here.

Now you get anywhere near it,

and they gonna... [chomping]

chomp off your manhood, just like that.

[laughing] I underestimated you. You're a genius.

Huh?

-Hendricks will give us a bonus. -You really think so?

You tell her the claim's in the works,

but you tell her you need a little convincing to put it through.

Next thing you know, she's doing a little old-fashioned chin juggling.

-[laughing] -No.

Why are we even friends?

We don't even belong to the same species.

Then, when she bugs you, as women always do,

you say, "Sorry. The claim didn't go through."

[laughing] Get lost!

Yeah, well, I'm puttin' the claim through, okay?

-You're kidding, right? -No, dang nabbit.

-She likes me. -That's stupid, Mac.

Hendricks will have your ass.

Face it. That thing isn't worth it.

That thing you're referring to is what we all live for.

It's what...

It's what makes two halves whole.

It's what drives nature...

and feeds the soul.

I'm talkin' beaver.

You're talkin' soul food.

You ain't gonna get shit off her.

Don't you think we ought to get to know each other

just a little better?

Isn't that what we're trying to do?

Come on. Come on, Big Bear. Come on, Big Mac.

Come on now. Up periscope, baby.

-Come on. -I am up.

Oh, Big Mac. More like a little ol' happy meal.

Yes, happy, happy. Are you happy?

Go for it, Big Mac. Come on. Come on.

Mr. BMW, come on!

Sally, that was incredible.

Uh-huh.

There is something I need to tell you, though.

Let me guess. You're gay.

No. No!

It's just that, well,

we've shared the most intimate thing...

that two people can share and, well,

I haven't been entirely honest with you.

Look. You brought me a $5,000 check.

You fucked me silly.

Now don't ruin a perfect date.

I'm not some rich guy.

What about the BMW?

It isn't mine.

I gave my sweeties to you.

I gave you my treats, and now you tell me this.

I-I don't blame you for being mad.

It was inexcusable to lie, but-but we can get beyond this.

Wrong!

Oh, great. You replaced the knife set.

Out! Now!

Okay, I'm goin'. I'm goin'.

Teach you to lie about money to me!

[woman] Can you believe it about that weather guy?

Did you hear the latest forecast?

I know. I know. I know. Party bloody.

That's his wife over there.

-Oh, my God. -Look at her.

Oh, she looks positively heartbroke.

One more widow for Buda. Bitch.

Hey, uh, listen, Edna. If they ever find this guy who did it to your husband,

I will kick their fuckin' ass!

They won't have no ass. Ba-da-bing. Ba-da-boom!

[Edna] All the TV stations are going to be at the funeral.

Make sure the roots don't show, Vinny.

Oh, none, I repeat, none of these hair care products are tested on animals.

You got it?

This is my 15 minutes.

That's longer than that bastard ever stayed around.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. There's no excuse for cold-blooded murder, lady.

Or animal experimentation.

Edna, I will kill anyone who does either of those things over here.

Hey, Tanya. Give some of that chestnut number 12.

-It's time to streak. -Whoo.

[woman] You think she snuffed him?

-You bet your boobies. -How?

Ruth, it is simple as cuttin' a cuticle. Just snip, snip.

Do you know Vinny? He knows some people...

who could rub somebody out for about 500 bucks.

Hey, Tanya. Today!

[woman] Five hundred bucks?

That's less than my liposuction.

Shh! I know.

I'm dyin' over here.

He thinks he's dying over there.

Boy, oh, boy. I know where he really dyes.

[laughing]

Oh, damn it!

[sighs] I'm getting too old for this shit.

♪ One man's loss

♪ Is another man's gain

♪ One man's joke

♪ Is another man's pain

♪ One man's laugh

♪ Is another man's cry

Okay. What kind of swag shit is this?

[sniffs] You don't like it, buy your own fuckin' drugs.

[phone rings]

[beep]

[Mac] Uh, hello, Miss Rider.

Uh, yeah, it's me, Mac. Remember, from last night?

Listen to him.

Bangs me once and he's in love.

Look. This is for a million bucks.

[Mac continues, indistinct]

Saw it. Doesn't do me any good, though. Look at it.

He left all his money to his mommy.

That's it. Fuck. Fuck!

That's it.

Hey, hey, do not use that kind of language in front of your mother, Missy.

Oh, great.

You took the big line.

-[sighs] -Baby wants a daddy.

Baby wants a million dollars.

That's it. No more blow for you, kid.

Mama, I just figured out a way for us to make a million bucks.

[country music]

-Hi. -Where you goin'?

N-nowhere.

I was just standing up.

Why?

It's what you do when you greet someone.

[scoffs] That makes a lot of sense.

Miss Rider. May I call you Sally?

Just spit it out.

Yes, Sally. I want to thank you so much for coming here.

These last three days have been horrible.

And I know you probably feel like I used you,

and for that I am truly sorry.

-I'm pregnant. -What?

Preggo. Knocked up.

With fetus.

-How? -You porked me.

One of your tiny little soldiers swam up my fallopian tube and hit the jackpot.

Oh, my god.

Uh, all right. Are you sure?

God, I could use a cigarette.

-There you go, baby. -Um.

[moans]

Call me.

You bet.

I'm sorry to have to ask this,

-but it is mine, isn't it? -What am I, a slut?

No. No. Shh. please. [laughing]

It's just a definite type of situation.

Would the slut like something to drink?

Double bourbon on the rocks.

Well, I don't know. Pina colada, please.

Listen, Mac. Here.

Oh, my briefcase. Thank you.

And, God forbid, anything happens to you,

our child needs to be assured of a future.

-My life insurance policy. -Uh-huh.

Comin' through.

Pina colonic. Moose piss.

[Sally] Thank you.

Hey.

You owe me this, Mac.

This is all happening too fast. I...

Why, Macbeth? You come into my life.

You plant your seed inside me like some farmer

on a government subsidy,

and now I'm left holding the wrong end of the shitty stick?

-[fizzing] -Is that it?

No, it's just

the lousy money is for my mama is all.

I just need some time to think about all this.

I'm just... hopin'...

that you'll see things my way.

Oh, now don't cry, please. Please don't cry, Sally.

Uh, uh, we can get through this.

Here. Let's toast

to our baby's future.

[Bruce] What a bitch.

[snoring]

Mac?

[bangs table]

-Mac! -What's shakin'? How ya doin'?

-What happened to you? -Oh, hey, Bruce.

I-I had an epiphany.

Oh!

Is this it?

I rewrote it, I printed it,

I notarized it,

and I had the security guard witness it.

You know why?

She's gonna have my baby.

You know what, Bruce? You were right.

It was my first time.

Holy shit.

-Thirty years old. -I am.

What the hell took you 20 years?

I don't know.

I always check with mama first.

But, uh, hey, Bruce, can you keep a secret?

Sure.

I think I'm in love. [laughs]

I mean, I feel tingly all over.

-She slipped you one, buddy. -Huh?

It was probably like Ecstasy or that date rape drug.

Oh, no. She... She wouldn't rape me.

Then, how'd she get pregnant so fast?

Women don't lie about being pregnant.

Whatever.

The last thing you need is this bitch...

carrying your life insurance policy.

-I'll talk to Hendricks. -Wait, wait, wait a minute.

I mean, I'm gonna be the father of her child.

I mean, what is she gonna do, kill me?

[Sally] I want him dead.

Yeah, you want him dead.

Calm down. We don't kill people around here.

-But Vinny, this guy is stalking my mama. -He attacked me.

-Yeah? What's he look like? -Blond, dorky,

wearing a big fur coat.

-Motherfucker. -[gasping]

I wonder what this guy would feel like...

with a 300-volt electrode up his ass.

-You need a professional. -[gasping]

Don't worry, all right? Don't worry. I know people all over the state.

I'll hook youse up. Yeah, Vinny's gonna take care of youse.

First, I rope 'em, hog-tie 'em,

then I brand 'em right on the ass.

I'm not just killin' men.

I'm killin' millions and millions

of their little sperm too.

-Aren't some of them women sperms? -Hey, sister,

whose side are you on?

My favorite trick... [laughs]

I go to a broad's door with flowers,

only I got a butcher's knife in there.

[laughing] Ooh, I got flowers.

Ba-bing! You really got some of this.

We're gettin' dicked.

We are taken it dry.

There ain't no reason why you can't find someone competent...

to do something as simple as murder.

[chatter, indistinct]

Ooh-la-la. Check out little Miss Uppity.

[Ruth] I'm so saddened by those fake boobs.

She could hurt someone with those things.

I think they're set on "stun."

How you doin'? Hey, you are something.

I'm not something. I'm a woman.

Mm-hmm. yeah.

Yes, you are. Uh-huh.

You got a name on you?

Jupiter. Jupiter music.

You know, I got a little rhythm myself.

Turn the charm off, Luigi.

Just give me short, dark, and different.

Hey, Tanya, come...come here. Give her a wash.

Why are you trying to get rid of all this beautiful hair?

Because men like long hair.

Excellent.

I hate men.

I'm trying to get rid of a man right now.

Tell him you're pregnant.

No. No, I mean, really get rid of him.

You don't really get rid of someone because they bug you.

They gotta deserve it.

He deserves it.

He had sex with my mother with me standing there right there watching.

She didn't want him to do it.

Sounds like my kind of man.

Perfect.

Yeah, you look like a goddamn model.

Hey, are you a vegetarian?

You know, 'cause today vegetarians get five bucks off.

Bet she's a meat eater. Probably likes it raw.

Right?

[bell on door jingles]

-Who the hell are you? -The cleaning woman.

I didn't order any cleaning woman.

No, but your daughter did.

I already told you he attacked me and he...

He knocked me up.

So it's pure revenge. No other motives?

Who's hiring who here?

You listen to me.

I never let any man get close to me.

They never hurt me, and I always hurt them. Get it?

Whoa. You are the right woman for the job.

Okay, how much?

Seeing as this guy is such a scumbag,

and I'm blowin' out of town anyway, I'll cut you a deal.

Two thousand bucks cash.

A thousand now. A thousand once the job is complete.

I could hit him with my car for nothing.

Mom, I think that sounds fair.

Okay.

So, um,

how ya gonna do it?

[Jupiter] Well, I usually take them to a private spot.

But seeing as I'm feeling kind of bold...

-Mac Wilson. -Yes. Hi.

-Jupiter Music. -Pleased to meet you.

Have a seat.

I just wanna thank you so much for coming here.

I think just talking to a friend of Sally's might help.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

-Booze? -Oh, uh, Miss Music?

-Um, I'll have a Bloody Mary. -A Bloody Mary for the lady.

And, uh, just a coke for me, please.

-One choke. Mm-mmm. -Thank you.

[sighs] I can't tell you what it feels like...

just to talk to someone about all this.

I don't suppose she's told you about...

I mean, you know she's, uh, pregnant.

Well, yes. She is my friend.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well,

the whole thing is just so gloomy.

One Hemorrhaging Mary. One real thing.

-Grub? -Oh, uh...

-Do you have anything chocolate? -Mud pie.

And you?

I'd like a Caesar salad, please.

I think Caesar is my favorite of the histories.

One slab of fat for the lady, and one plate of rabbit food for Brutus.

Don't you just hate waiters with a sense of humor?

I always wanna tell them to just shut up and get the food.

But I... never seem to have the nerve.

So, how long have you known Sally?

Long enough to understand what she's going through.

-Well, what is she going through? -You should know.

Well, um, to be honest with you, I...

I haven't had a lot of experience with women.

-There. There it is. -Oh, lucky them.

Excuse me, but...

am I upsetting you?

I'm just sick of all the bullshit.

Well, so am I. All I've ever wanted...

was someone to love and-and care for.

My whole stupid life...

I've looked in women's eyes just hoping...

to see something stare back at me.

Comfort,

acceptance and,

God forbid, love.

Anyway, Sally seemed...

-[whistling] -...to respond to me.

-Here you go. -Thank you.

And for the lady. [muttering]

And that's how you repay her?

Oh, it was the moment.

Sally was someone I could feel...

passionate about, you know?

-Someone I could finally sink my teeth into. -How about you bite this?

-Oh. -[gunshot]

[groans]

-[woman] Oh, my God! He's been shot. -Oh, shit.

-Oh, my god! -Who would shoot the poor guy?

Well, he did have a bad attitude.

He's... He's been shot!

Oh, my God! Get down!

[Mac] Got it. I got it!

Could you be any more conspicuous?

I'm sorry.

Great. Room number eight.

Well, this is Buda's finest motel.

You... You'll be safe here.

This shithole's is Buda's only motel.

I can't believe someone shot that waiter.

I mean...

Neither can I. That's never happened to me before.

Oh, I can tell you it's never happened to me. I can tell you that.

Why don't you come in and calm down?

Thank you.

Who would do something like that? I mean,

who would intentionally hurt another human being?

I-I don't know if I could ever sleep again tonight, really.

I mean, ever again.

Well, you can sleep here.

Oh, uh, thank you. But that wouldn't be right, really.

Would you do me a favor, though?

Would you tell Sally that we need to talk?

Because wasn't tonight proof enough that...

That there's so much to live for, you know?

Would you tell her that, please?

-I will. -Oh, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

[sobbing]

Thank you.

You're great.

[door opens, closes]

[phone rings]

Hello. Hello? Who the fuck is this?

It's the cleaning woman.

It is about time you called.

I turned on the radio this morning expecting to hear the good news.

And what do I find out? You shot the help.

No specifics on the phone. I'll do the work.

I'll tell you what. I'll give you another couple thousand dollars.

Maybe you'll take out a few bellboys and maitre d's for me.

It's being taken care of today.

I'm going to plan "B."

But let me ask you something.

Are you sure I'm going after the right guy?

Oh, oh, you know, he lures you in with that nice guy shit,

and the next thing you know,

he's planted his demon seed in ya.

Look. I don't really care how many people you take out.

Just make sure he's one of them.

[phone beeps]

Have a seat.

Look what I got.

-Greasy burger. -I don't eat that shit.

I'm sorry.

Well, I...I have something else

I think you might like.

Now where did I put it?

It's Duken chocolate. It's Swedish.

They only make 200 of these a year. Feel it.

-Heavy, isn't it? -Yeah.

It's also hard as a rock.

Let me see if I got something to cut it with.

- That was smart to bring that. - Hey!

May I?

-Thank you. -[wrapper crinkles]

So, how'd you get a name like Jupiter?

An unusual name.

I don't know. It's the biggest of all the planets.

It's exotic and romantic.

Mm-hmm. It's also a brutally cold,

inhospitable mass of methane and ammonia. [laughs]

Oh, wait!

I'm sorry. Dang!

I'm just full of arcane quotations...

and meaningless bits of information.

Makes me all the more a weirdo.

Chocolate?

It's good.

It is, isn't it?

Come on.

Mind if I ask you a question?

Why do you wear your locket upside down?

It's a reminder.

It's from my father, and let's just leave it at that.

You know,

I don't usually feel comfortable around anybody.

But, uh...

I feel good around you.

Oh, yeah. Right.

We get along like methane and ammonia.

Ha! [laughs]

-Rose, -Huh?

Why are women so sensitive?

Because...

Their menstrual cycle.

It's tied to the cycles to the moon.

Oh.

And their blood rises and flows...

with the tide.

They're like,

less hairy werewolves

with cute butts.

Their what?

I don't know.

Well then what would you do

if you're falling in love with a woman you got pregnant

-best friend? -You fuck her.

It's so easy for you ain't it?

Uh-huh.

[sighs]

[Tanya sings] ♪ Where's my

♪ Fuckin' beer?

♪ Where are you beer?

♪ Where are you beer?

♪ You're not in here

♪ No more beer

-♪ Beer, beer, beer -[moans]

♪ Where are you, my beer?

[screams]

What are you trying to do, kill me?

[exhales]

[laughs]

[grunts]

[moans]

Oh!

-So uh... -Oh, yeah.

did you do it?

[rock music plays]

I need to speak to your mother.

Can't you see she's blown' somebody?

Ah!

Hmm.

Hmm-hmm.

What is wrong with you people?

[man moans]

Well,

at least when we say we're going to do something we do it!

Oh, sweet Jimmy. Oh!

-[Tanya] Wait, wait, wait. -[Sally] Hey! Hey! Wait!

Hold up!

Did you do it? Did you kill the bastard?

I will.

It's just not what I expected.

He's... a prince.

-Jesus. -No!

You're wrong, he's a savage.

-Tell her, Mom. -Hey.

Hey, he's a maniac.

Oh, and the worse thing, right before he brutalizes you,

He makes you feel all feminine and fuzzy.

Did he quote Shakespeare to you yet?

'Cause that's when you're really in trouble.

You want him dead, he's dead.

But I don't like you and I don't trust you.

Oh. [laughs]

You're not to big on waiters either, huh?

Hm?

[tires squeal]

Hey!

[doorbell rings]

[Mac] Just a minute!

Oh, hi!

Oh, I'm so glad you came.

Come in.

[romantic music playing]

You look very nice.

What's all this?

I-I thought we'd have some dinner.

I hope you brought your appetite.

Please, have a seat.

Allow me.

Would you like some wine?

No.

Would you excuse me a moment?

I, uh,

I haven't been, uh,

entirely honest with you.

So unlike a man.

When I first met Sally,

I, um,

I tended to be something I wasn't.

Rich basically.

That's not exactly a crime.

I really care for Sally.

But, uh...

Now here come the hard part.

I'm really starting to have feelings for you.

I know, I know it's inappropriate.

But,

I feel so alive around you.

I have to go.

Oh no, not again.

"Oh that I were a glove upon that hand

that I might touch thy cheek."

[gasps]

Is that Shakespeare?

Yes.

Oh.

I'll give you "glove upon thy cheek."

-[grunts] -Fuck with my heart.

No man fucks with my heart.

[choking] Check my pocket. Check my pocket.

-[grunts] -[coughs]

Oh, Mac!

-For me? -Yeah.

Oh!

Oh, God! Mac. Mac.

Are you okay? Are you okay?

Are you alive?

Look like you're alive. You're alive.

Yes. You're rough.

[moans]

Wait a minute.

She hired you to kill me?

Yeah.

But you know, it doesn't make sense.

Well,

it could be because I signed over my life insurance policy

to her for a million dollars.

You what?

Mac,

that was so dumb.

It was wasn't it?

Oh.

Well, can it be that easy to collect a million dollars?

No. That's major fraud.

I'm not even certain I could get away with something like that

and I'm employee of the month.

I'm a marked man.

That Sally.

She's reached a new level of...

Of moral turpitude I tell you.

Don't tell me she's not pregnant.

Doubt it.

That impetuous floozy!

[sighs]

And you.

Can't believe you tried to kill me.

It's what I do.

I kill people.

[gasps]

You shot that waiter!

Nobody's perfect.

Oh, my God!

I'm not sure I can forgive you.

Well, I'm not sure that I'm asking you to.

Here.

Eat this.

Awesome, huh?

You sure do like chocolate don't you?

Hmm.

Chocolate contains theobromine.

One of the 12 narcotics that comes from a coco plant.

The most powerful which meaning cocaine.

[gasps]

It's my one vice.

That and killing.

Right.

[laughs]

Thirty years nothing happens to me.

And now I'm not only having premarital sex,

I'm doing drugs too.

[Jinny] Well,

you can bet your sweet patootie

this is going to hurt like a bitch.

Whoa. Whoa, you got a big old cat in the pants over here.

Will you get out of here?

Oh, no, no, see if...

It's not right.

See, were ever animals suffer, that's were I gotta be.

One...

two..

three.

Get along little doggie.

-[rips] -[screams]

[exclaims]

Got a good one.

Ow!

Jesus, Jinny,

if childbirth hurts anything like that

than no thank you very much!

You know, I have once rescued a litter of cats

that look just like that.

One, two,

No, no.

-[rips] -[screams]

Oh more, look, look at this one. Real good.

You already did that side!

[cries]

I think you can clear a rain forest, uh,

much faster than that.

Vinny, shut the fuck up!

So, which one of people

are you going to pick to take care of this, uh,

mink coat wearing motherfucker?

None. None.

None of your people.

-Fuck it. -Hey, were are you going?

The hell with it, it's a new look.

[Jinny] No, wait, I'm not done yet.

Hey, bitch!

Lie down, Vinny.

Hey.

-Mwah. -Oh.

Oh.

The doctor says,

damage to my trachea is only temporary.

-Oh, good. -Hmm-hmm.

And your eye is almost healed.

So, did you tell Sally?

No.

Mac, what difference would it make?

Do you think I'm the only person in Texas without a gun?

No.

She's my Macduff, you know?

-Macduff? -Mm-hmm.

Macduff killed Macbeth.

Who knows that?

Who talks like that?

My daddy.

He was an English teacher.

The only kind words I ever heard coming out of his mouth.

William Shakespeare written over 400 years ago.

What about your mom?

Looks at me and sees my daddy.

Trust me it's not a good thing.

Call it young says life's a struggle.

Well, I say,

It's not that life is to short

it's just that death is so long.

That's true.

-Mac? -Mm-hm.

We want to be together, right?

That's what I want more than anything in the world.

Then let's get married.

Really?

Yeah.

I mean listen to the beauty of this plan.

-Okay. -Okay.

-We get hitched... -Huh-huh.

you name me on your policy

and them you show up dead.

Just like Sally arranged.

I-I show up Dead?

Well, yeah.

It's a small sacrifice for the plan I guess.

Oh, but it's not you, dummy.

We get somebody else's body.

You have one lying around?

That's the least of our problems.

But here's the genius.

We frame Sally for the murder.

What?

How?

Mac, hello.

You signed over your life insurance policy to her.

Every body in town knows she's trying to kill you.

No, no, no, no.

That's insane.

And sweetie,

First of all it's going to point a finger at you.

Second of all, the insurance company not just gonna

pay out the money without an investigation.

I'll have an alibi.

And you must know someone at the office who could arrange

for a quick pay-off.

Well, maybe my partner.

That is the single most insane idea

I've ever heard in my life.

See? See, it's insane.

Look, you can get a job, Jupiter.

Wait.

I said insane not impossible.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Oh, heaven, Jesus.

[Jupiter] We'll be fine.

My life sucks right now.

My life would suck a hell of a lot less

if I had a third of a million dollars.

Mac will have to give me the case

'cause you're my only best friend.

Oh great, now I'm in the past tense.

Although he is being a pain in the ass

by taking Sally's name on the

policy.

I got a friend at the coroners office,

Can you get the money?

Can he get me a body?

-Ow. -Is a frogs ass air tight?

Wait hold on a minute.

Will you just hold on a minute?

Stop this before it gets too late.

Where are you going?

Work.

What do you mean work?

Quit with the stupid questions.

Wait a minute.

You don't need to do this.

What about the plan?

The plan depends on you.

The only reason why I'm in this shit-hole of a town

is because of you.

Mac, you don't understand.

I should've been rich.

Ray Poundstone was my father.

The guy who owned Greasy Burger?

Yeah.

My mom was 17 and he was 40.

She was this naive small town girl.

He was married only she didn't know that.

Comes around, bought her stuff

and gave her this.

Charms her gets her pregnant

and denies everything.

Her parents,

they kick her out. So now she's this teen

toting around this hungry dirty little baby

and we can't even get a discount on a Greasy burger.

Day I turned five,

She eats a bullet.

Oh.

I am so sorry.

Yeah well,

shit happens.

I kept this as a reminder the whole time.

And when I turned 15

I give Mr. Greasy Burger a call.

He thinks he's getting another piece of ass.

Pay back is a bitch.

[clicks gun]

I can give you love.

I gotta go.

[door opens]

-How's it going, baby. -It's going just fine.

Glad to hear.

♪ Some point I heard the word Times about ♪

♪ With a thick Southern draw like my girlfriends ♪

♪ And I watched as my hands began tugging at my arm ♪

♪ And I really started freaking out ♪

♪ Ships in and out

♪ Take you and me

[man] We're going to have a good time tonight, baby.

[Jupiter] Yes we are.

[man] you're looking real good, baby.

Hm. I like you a lot.

I like you too.

We're going to have some fun tonight.

I gotta a little surprise for you.

Yeah? Would have you got there?

What the hell is that?

Just a little present from your wife.

[man] What do you think you're doing with that little piece shooter, huh?

-Give me that bitch! -No!

What the hell you doing?

You like it rough, huh?

[Jupiter screams]

Who the hell is that?

Put the gun down! Place is surrounded.

All right, buddy.

You found yourself in the middle of an FBI...

prostitution ring.

Uh, bust, uh, bust ring.

Put it down!

[groans]

Jesus.

-Get out, asshole! -Yeah! Get out asshole!

This sucks!

[groans]

Oh, my God.

[exhales]

You couldn't do it, could you?

I could've been killed.

You could've been killed!

What are you doing?

I-I came to save you.

Oh, Mac.

What, what is it?

I want out.

Oh, honey.

Ah! Oh, oh.

I think I... I think I dislocated my shoulder.

Oh, you brave thing.

[groans]

Let's just... Let's just get out of here.

All right.

All right.

[dance music plays]

[Sally] ♪ Oop doom-a-loo-wee

♪ Hey look, it's the killer bitch ♪

Momma?

-Don't, Tanya. -Mamma.

Don't!

♪ We're rich!

[Tanya] When can we get it?

Oh, when can we get it?

You're not getting shit.

Mac's not dead.

What?

You're kidding, right?

Not only am I not kidding,

but if anything happens to Mac,

you're both dead.

Oh.

Now that you have threatened me,

I never felt so secure in my whole life.

You listen to me, mistress.

When I want something, I get it.

Now I want this son of a bitch dead.

[Sally over recording] Dead, dead.

She...

Wants me... dead.

You know, it's impossible to sneak anything by you.

Fuck!

Oh, I mean,

TO the heck with it.

Lets do it.

Lets send this floozy to the slammer.

You mean it, Mac?

Are you ready for this?

I'm a good man either way.

Ah, that's my baby.

["Wedding March" playing]

Done deal!

Next.

Wilson. Love bird Special.

Bill of Bernie Curse's is filling in for Father Fiscus.

["Wedding March" plays]

-[camera clicks] -[groans]

Ah!

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here today to unite in Holy matrimony.

These two lovely...

assholes!

[grunts]

We hold marriage

to be very, very sacred.

It's a love bird special!

Stupid, stupid bitch!

Sorry about that.

Anyone here sees any reason

why these two should not be wed?

Let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

[coughs]

Do you, uh, do you got the rings there, sir?

Well how about you, cowboy?

Oh, well I, uh...

They're in layaway.

Ah, layaway.

[clears throat]

Well do you, uh,

Macbeth Wilson, uh,

-take Melody Malloy... -Melody?

I was gonna tell you.

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey!

Do you take this women, yadda, yadda, yadda?

Oh, uh, uh,

Yes. Yes, sir, I do.

And do you Melody Malloy take Macbeth here

to be your lawful husband?

For better or worse, sickness and in health,

death do you part, etcetera.

I do.

Well then by the power invested in me

by the state of Texas I pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Fuck the bride!

Fuck her, fuck her, fuck her!

[woman] Congratulations!

Pay at the cashier.

Next.

Let's go.

That was beautiful, man.

Oh, shut up.

I just can't believe you didn't tell me your real name.

Well, it never came up.

Never came up!

-I gave you... -Shh.

[whispers] I gave you a bracelet with a "J" on it.

Marriage's ritual is death.

-[register dings] -Sign this license.

Change the policy over to me. It was beneficiary.

[woman] Scrumptious wedding cake.

For flash cameras, a buck and a half.

I'll take the chocolate one.

Hmm.

My pal at the coroners office is all settled.

All we need now is the body.

Then lets go dig up so more business.

[Mac] Wait up.

[Melody] Come on. It's just over here.

If this isn't my idea, the cops are coming.

Oh, shut up and dig.

I know the body was right here.

-[bangs metal] -Oh, wait.

I think I hit something.

Oh!

-No! No! No! -What is it?

Goddamn coyotes!

[cries]

My whole crumby life,

nothings ever gone right!

Fucking blond!

Why me?

Why do I always have to be the victim!

[trembles]

Sweetheart,

why don't we just go back to the car

and everything will be all right.

All right?

Come on.

Put it down.

Put it down.

Put it...

Down.

[exhales]

[snoring]

[gunshot]

[screams]

Oh, God dang!

What?

[groans]

[sighs]

Oh, no wonder I've been missing.

My sights off.

Oh.

Morning, honey.

Whatcha doin'?

Thinking.

You know, uh,

when most people think

it, uh,

doesn't involve firearms.

At all...

Why don't you...

give me the gun.

Please?

[gun shot]

Come on.

You can do it.

Come on.

Give me the gun.

There you go!

That's better, isn't it?

What's the matter?

Mac,

things are changing inside of me and

I don't know that I like it.

Well you're metamorphosizing is all.

I just said, "goddang".

Hot dog, I say that.

Oh.

Mac,

I have been alone

all of my life.

Even when I was with other people.

And I liked it that way.

Now I don't feel so alone.

Honey.

I love you.

-[gun clicks] -[man] That's for sure.

-Oh, God, -Oh, my God.

-Oh. Oh. No. -Shh.

I think I'm going to metamorphosize your brain.

With the big bad brain chunks.

-[laughs] -[Mac] No!

Goddamn it, are you happy now, Mac?

No.

What are you all upset about, girly?

[laughs] Come on.

I followed you here yesterday from the wedding.

-[laughs] -No.

What?

Are you on the rag or something, huh?

[chuckles]

Why don't you come over here and find out.

Ooh.

Yeah.

Get over there, homo.

-Okay. -[laughs]

-Not a move. -Okay.

Baby, I am going to show you how to pop a pistol.

[both laugh]

Oh.

You're gonna see a real bull's-eye.

What?

What's with the look?

Oh, just...

Just?

What are you, ovulating or something?

Huh?

[laughs]

Oh.

No, no.

I should kill you

before I threw you.

[laughs]

No.

[screams]

Ah!

Oh.

Oh, my God.

I didn't mean to kill him.

Why?

Now we got a body.

[thuds]

Lets go.

Oh!

Dump him off at your apartment.

Huh?

We're never gonna get out of this God forsaken town.

[Mac groans]

Welcome to my tomb.

Remember you're dead.

I know, I know,

dead men tell no tales.

Mac, don't blow this.

You've got clothes, food and books.

Maybe I'll read the Lord's book.

Maybe that got porn.

[Melody] We've gotta go.

We'll have your funeral by weeks end.

You're check by next month

and a party for the rest of our lives.

You're forgetting one thing.

My life is already over.

You're wrong, baby.

It's just beginning.

Now shut up and play dead.

["Burn Down the Trailer Park" plays]

♪ I borrowed some money

♪ I sold my car

♪ I set an airstream trailer

♪ Up on blocks

♪ That satellite dish

♪ Was my first mistake

♪ She started watchin' Oprah Winfrey and Rikki Lake ♪

[crying]

[man] I'm going to miss Mac too, Bruce.

It looks like it's just gonna be me and you now.

Two amigos.

We'll make it thorough.

Asshole.

...owed you,

Melody.

There was...

a fair...

You gave me...

Good luck.

She touched my...

heart...

gently and

now I...

am

lost.

Model. Hm.

Nice job, Luigi.

♪ I fell asleep with the Late Show on ♪

♪ Now it's 3 am

-♪ I wake up and she's gone -[crying]

♪ I've got a strong suspicion

"But with me, Your Lord Lady

burst above my chamber door.

First in the sack but not before."

[chuckles] Just like you.

How about that?

Oh, Lord.

I'm talking with a moose.

I gotta get out of here.

♪ I can't live here since you broke my heart ♪

♪ I'm gonna burn down the trailer park ♪

-Mr. Hendrix. -Hm?

Sally Rider still listed as Mac's beneficiary.

Look, Bruce,

you've given me an insane story, okay.

This, uh, new bride and some audio tapes

with Sally Rider threatens to kill Mac.

And, bless his soul, it's, um,

It's a little much to swallow.

No listen first, okay.

You know the rules.

I'm not cutting a check until I see Mac's body

in the casket buried six feet under.

Mac?

Mac!

Oh, this is good.

Oh, shit!

[country music playing]

Yes, uh,

Let's see now, uh...

Oh, J&B with a root beer chaser please.

And, um,

give me a pack of something.

What? Cheetos.

Hey, Mr. Smarty pants.

You know what it's like to be dead?

I've been shot.

Just 'cause I'm stuck behind this here bar

doesn't mean I gotta listen to deadbeats like you.

Hey, hey, hey, who are you calling deadbeat?

I would watch my mouth if I were you.

'Cause I've killed,

and been killed.

I am no longer responsible for my actions.

Wait a minute. I know you.

You know what?

My whole miserable life I've been taking guff from

little butt suckers like you!

And I am done!

You were at that table.

I'm going to call the police.

Oh, sure, call the police.

What are you? Afraid to fight your own battles?

You stay right where you are, sauce boy.

Well my wife is going to kill you.

What's this, voicemail?

Lets see if he's here.

Hm-hm.

[grunts]

Gee that hurts.

Mac.

Okay, come on.

That a boy.

Now you can't take him from here.

Kiss my dick.

Honey?

Honey?

Hey.

There's been a slight change of plans.

Hendricks wants to view your body

So while you were passed out drunk,

we put you in a coffin.

Oh, no, no, no.

Not a coffin.

-Not a coffin. -Shh.

No one wants investigations.

Law suits.

Excavations.

I've got to wake up.

Why can't I move?

Well, I gave you a paraset which causes temporarily paralysis.

and a tranquilizer which eases your nerves.

But don't worry, they're harmless.

What's that red one?

An m&m.

Oh, Lord.

This on the other hand, is pure cocaine

laced with strychnine.

Fatal nose candy for Sally and Tanya.

By the time they each did a line or two,

they'll be dead.

They're problem people, Mac.

You're going to bury me, aren't you?

-Oh! -[laughs]

We would never do that, honey.

We're your friends.

We're having a wake.

Think of it as a party.

Really?

Yes, we need witnesses,

that it's really you we buried.

Then at the last minute,

we switched your body with the body of the guy you killed.

[mumbles]

Oh. Hm.

[both laugh]

-[mumbles] -Shh-shh.

It's about Chief.

Oh, no.

Shh.

Nephew, nephew.

[crying]

He's cute.

Yeah, real pretty.

Real nice.

I should have told the ASPCF when I had the chance.

Could've been a lot worse.

[woman crying]

Well, Mac.

I'm gonna miss you around the office. [sobs]

Oh, Mac!

Why couldn't have it been me instead of you?

Why not her?

It always happens to the good ones.

Bruce,

how did this happen?

Somebody shot him.

Who would shoot my baby?

What you see here is Mac...

It's only a shell.

Well the real Mac was only a shell.

Maybe 'cause you said things like that to him all his life.

Who are you?

I'm his wife.

His wife?

Well just how does it affect his life

insurance policy?

I'm not sure.

This is the time, Penelope.

Look, my million dollar baby takes a bullet.

And you're telling me that all the money is going to this bimbo?

Oh, I think this is the right time all right.

I think this is the right time!

I would watch my mouth if I were you.

Some respect please.

Mac.

Oh, Mac! [cries]

I'm your mother.

I gave you your life.

Don't you give a shit, you little wimp.

You know what it was like having sex with your father?

It was horrible!

It was like being rammed by a buffalo!

He moved, Penelope.

Oh, shut up, you cluck, he's dead.

I'm not so sure.

Can't we just let the poor guy die?

[crying]

Don't die!

Don't die, my little baby.

-[shoveling] -Come in.

This is no bargain.

He'll be fine.

Those drugs should slow his respiratory rate way down.

He's got hours.

We'll just have to wait it out.

Yeah.

[laughs] Then what?

Dig him out like Frankenstein?

[shoveling]

Oh.

Oh, golly.

[laughs]

[Melody] What do you suggest?

I mean. uh,

a real scumb bag would say,

"One half is better than...

one third...

than two.

it's a much more magical number.

Three.

[spits]

Good thing we don't have any scumb bags here, huh?

Lucky me.

Fucking nuts.

Hey! Open up!

Come on now!

[cries]

Hey,

How many does this make today?

Uh,

five.

Oh, Jesus.

Is the whole world dying?

No, only the men.

Jesus.

I can't take this.

I need a drink.

Here's to Mac.

I hope he's resting in peace.

Ah, here's to Mac' mother.

Hmm.

Not getting a plum nickel!

No.

Sorry, Mom.

[glasses clink]

Here's to Sally,

and her boyfriend,

that Cyclope she was slurping.

Ugh.

What boyfriend?

Oh, that fruit loop that was there today

in the pink shirt and the paisley tie.

Nice look.

Not Hendrix?

[both] Goddamn it, cock sucker, son of a bitch!

[yelling]

-Got company. -Hello?

Come out where ever you are, you little money whore!

It's it, that tack stuff!

Melody, get in here!

Hendricks gave them the check!

A million dollars?

He's blind without these.

No!

No!

No!

Fuck!

Whoo-hoo! We're rich!

No more thrift shops.

Designer jeans!

Designer jeans, Mom!

Designer jeans!

Just put the money in the trunk.

Oh.

Are we just going to dump him here?

It is a graveyard.

We gotta see if the check cleared.

Damn.

We're headed the wrong way.

The office is back there.

We have to excavate Mac.

-We don't have time. -He doesn't have time!

[Bruce] Jesus Christ I gotta take a piss.

Melody?

Bruce?

Get your God dang asses over here, right now!

[tires screech]

What the hell are you two doing here?

Uh, I had to drop something off.

Where's Hendrix?

Well the man cannot handle his drugs.

Uh, your drugs I mean.

I would love to stay and chit-chat but, uh,

at last we have some shopping to do!

Bye.

Bye.

How about you buy this.

Mac's not dead.

[both] Bullshit.

[grunts]

Mac!

[gasping]

We saw him, stupid.

I guarantee you he's over there sleeping like a baby.

[gasping]

[cranking]

oh, fuck!

Now why don't you move your trashy asses over there.

Lets go.

Oh!

-I'm so scared. -Move it.

the big bad hit lady who couldn't hurt a fly.

"Gonna fill him full lead!"

Tanya, shut up!

[grunting]

[Melody] Get over there, come on.

Go.

Hey.

All right.

Please, please.

[Melody] Hold on Mac we're coming in.

[Bruce] Oh, no.

He looks a lot stiffer than I remember.

-[gasps] -[all scream]

[screams]

Oh, God!

Your alive!

[Sally] Oh, my God!

How could you do this to me?

To him?

Your the one who tried to kill the love of my life.

Your with him?

[both] Eww!

I'm married to him, you cheap hussy!

-Cheap? -Yes!

-I'm not cheap... -Who do you think you are?

[arguing]

Listen, we need to negotiate!

[all] We're are not negotiating shit!

[arguing]

We could have you killed!

[Melody] You never loved him for one second, you skank!

[all shouting]

[Mac] Shut up!

All of you!

Listen to you.

All this talk of killin'.

The hate in your voices.

To pay money to have me killed.

You two buried me alive!

Is the human life worth so little?

Mac.

Look at yourselves!

Lost your touch, Miss Fancy Pants

Whoo! We won! Whoo!

[laughs]

Well, Macbeth,

you are not stopping me from getting out of Buda.

Hm-hm.

I need no hit woman to help me kill you.

[grunts]

[laughs]

Jupiter... Melody,

whatever the hell your name is.

Put the cash in the car.

-Bruce. -Hm-hm.

Help me with these bodies.

[Bruce] You got it.

Mac, is this you?

Of course it is.

Ooh, baby!

Whoo-hoo!

[both grunting]

{both sigh]

Oop. Ah!

[winces

It's all right.

[engine starts]

All right.

Where are we headed?

How about San Antonio?

Uh, no, somewhere like Acapulco, baby.

Where?

Oh.

What the hell was that?

[Bruce] Just Goulash.

[Melody] Come here you.

[Bruce] Durango or Guadalajara.

Oh, lets see. The list is endless.

-Tijuana? -[Mac] Well that place sounds nice.

[Sally] Get your elbow out of my face, Tanya!

[both arguing]

[Sally] When we get out of here, you're going back to Huxby.

♪ There are few words I have to say ♪

♪ To you

♪ After all that you do

♪ It's no surprise

♪ It's in your eyes

♪ But you can't hide

♪ What's on your mind?

♪ And you will find

♪ You'll realize

♪ It's leaving me

♪ Wishing

♪ You were dead

♪ Wishing

♪ You were dead

[instrumental playing]

♪ When I think of yesterday

♪ I see

♪ All the wicked Games we play ♪

♪ At the time

♪ It all sound fine

♪ But you can't hide

♪ What's on your mind?

♪ And you will find

♪ You'll realize

♪ It's leaving me

♪ Wishing

♪ You were dead

♪ Wishing

♪ You were dead

♪ So was I wrong

♪ To have said

♪ Wish you were dead?

♪ Oh, oh, oh

♪ Oh, oh, oh

[instrumental playing]

♪ Oh, oh, oh

♪ Oh, oh, oh

♪ Oh, oh

♪ Wishing

♪ You were dead

♪ Wishing

♪ You were dead

♪ So was I wrong

♪ To have said

♪ Wish you were dead?

♪ Oh, oh, oh

♪ Oh, oh, oh