Original subtitles

Oh, watch out!

Hey, I’m Megan Bernadette Brookman.

And before you even ask, yes, you did just see

three teenagers riding a giant hedgehog.

So I'm sure you have a lot of questions

like, "Hey, Megs, how did you lose your eyebrow?"

Honestly, I wish I knew.

So let's just start at the beginning

and hopefully we'll find all the answers we're looking for.

That's Anna Maria, the birthday girl.

She's my best friend and the reason

I'm currently flailing mid air toward a smelly dumpster.

High school starts in one week

and there's no way I could do it without her.

Anna Maria. Your dad's here to see you.

Please excuse her teen angst.

She's going through a lot right now.

- This is my other best friend, Paige.

See you tomorrow, Shroomy.

She's fearless and loyal.

In second grade, when Mia Thomas bullied me

for not having a mom,

Paige convinced her to cut off her own ponytail at recess.

Mikey, I need a ride.

Not happening.

Fine. Don't be surprised

when Mom finds out who prank-called Grandma

and told her she won the lottery.

Get in the truck.

This is Veronica.

Our friendship is fairly recent.

Hey, this is me.

But seriously.

How cute am I with symmetrical eyebrows?

I tend to overthink things.

Some would call me cautious.

I just like to be comfortable. Who doesn't?

But I'm working on it.

I do not wanna bring the limitations of my youth to high school.

Okay. Now you're like,

"Geez, Megs. You really know yourself for only being 14."

Yeah. Well, self-awareness

is kind of a given when both your parents are therapists.

Dad. Why are you calling me from downstairs?

Oh, just making sure your phone's charged.

Paige is here.

- I know I'll be right down. - Okay.

- I love you. -Love you.

The grasshopper phone.

According to my parents, screen time is more harmful

than being the only teenager in Atlanta without a smartphone.

This little device is powered by sheer humiliation,

which is why no one has ever seen this phone of shame

and no one ever will.

Love what you've done with the place, Conrad.

Dr. Brookman. And thank you, Paige.

Hey, Paige.

Hey, Megs.

- Bye, Dads. - Mmm. Remember to make good choices.

You are strong. You are smart. You can do hard things.

Man. Do you guys always speak in inspirational quotes?

You're like the clearance aisle at HomeGoods.

Have the most fun ever.

But not too much.

Auditions for freshman flute solos are next week.

Flutiful. Really?

I knew she would love it.

- ♪ Top down ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ And I'm floatin' Through the city ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Watch out ♪ - ♪ On the run ♪

♪ Deputy out to get me Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Pretty sure my dads would call an Amber Alert

if they knew your brother was driving us.

Relax. He's allowed to drive siblings,

and you're basically like a sister to me. So it's cool.

- ♪ Watch out ♪ - ♪ On the run ♪

Hey!

- Respect the ride, thank you very much. - Oh!

Okay, cool. Thanks.

Seriously?

Knock it off, turd!

Oh, my God. It's Jake Ramirez and his perfect teeth.

♪ It's undeniable That we should be together ♪

Oh, my gosh. He's wearing his famous skull hoodie.

I bet it smells like him.

Did you see that? His teeth are like toothpaste commercial teeth.

Plus he's a whole year older than us at school.

So he's basically a grown man.

♪ If you don't know Just how I feel ♪

♪ Then let me show you… ♪

Okay, Megs. Be cool.

Do not stare.

♪ If all things… ♪

Can you hear me?

♪ Time will reveal ♪

Your skirt is caught in the door. Hello?

Your skirt is stuck in the door.

Your skirt's caught in the door!

Oh, my gosh!

Ugh.

Didn't you hear me saying your skirt was caught in the door?

It's... Okay. It's fine. It's fine.

I'm sure no one saw.

I've tried to...

I just... I can't keep having this c...

- Please, you talk to her. - I know. I've tried.

- She's your daughter t... - I've tried so many times.

- How many times do I have to explain... - Mija, we talked about this.

Veronica is going to be your stepsister.

Now, she seems like a really sweet girl,

so I appreciate you including her in your slumber party tonight.

Is this a joke?

Isn't it bad enough he's getting remarried on my birthday?

Oh, mi amorcita, please. Look, we tried.

We tried to find any other date.

This is the only one that the venue had available

before your new baby sister is born.

Don't remind me.

The last thing I need is another little sister.

Hey.

Your father having this baby is a real blessing.

At his age, it's more like a miracle.

Well, she's not wrong.

Okay, I'm gonna go.

Uh, I will drop Veronica off a-after her parkour lesson.

- Whoa. - And thank you very much, Anna,

for keeping your parkour comments to yourself.

And I will be by early tomorrow

to pick you up for our annual birthday hike.

Don't bother. I'm not going.

Hey, we go every year.

- Well, not this year. - Anna, that's enough.

Well, why should he have anything stay the same

when he's the one making everything different?

Hey, who is the parent around here? Hmm?

You keep this up and you are not gonna like what happens next.

- Okay, viejo, relájate, please. - You let her...

Haven't you been reading those gentle parenting books...

No, cállate.

You don't talk about our daughter that way.

Can you both just stop?

You can force me to go to your wedding.

You can even force me to have your new kid at my party,

but you can't force me to go on some stupid hike

on my birthday.

Anna…

Why'd you do that? Obviously they're in the middle of something.

Because I was ready for it to be the end of something.

- Hello, girls. - Hey, Mr. Guerrero.

For a second, I forgot you don't live here anymore.

Sorry.

I have pants in my bag.

Okay.

Have fun, girls.

- What just happened? What'd I miss? - Nothing.

Just some minor, unnecessary awkwardness.

Welcome to the casa de Guerrero. That's our specialty.

- Let's do our warm-up. - -What are you doing?

- Let us be your personal trainers today.

If there was an offbeat, you're, like, offbeat the offbeat.

Guys, how is clapping and walking so hard?

Seriously, this was not my plan for our epic night.

We're just getting warmed up. Literally.

I'm done.

All right, birthday girl says we're done.

Ooh, give me the Oreos.

New shoes? Those are awesome.

Thanks. Guilt gift from my mom.

- Well, I mean, they are Jordan 3s. - True, true.

Come on, guys. We need to do something big.

We're in high school now.

What if we break into West Oak and free those baby ducks from the science lab?

- You're obsessed with those baby ducks. - Oh, my gosh.

What if we connected the shopping carts at Target together with zip ties

like a giant, red centipede?

Ooh, remember when Mikey woke us up at 2:00 a.m.

to help him fill your sister's car with watermelon?

When did we do that?

Oh.

You guys had a sleepover without me.

Whi... Which is fine.

It's... It's totally fine.

It was a long time ago.

We were going to Six Flags the next morning, and we know

- how you feel about Six Flags. - Exactly.

Does anybody truly enjoy being at Six Flags?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Okay. It was one time.

I didn't know the drop was gonna be that big.

And technically, I didn't even ask them to stop the ride.

They just got all worried when all the crying stopped

and they thought I was dead.

How many other things do you guys do without me?

Not that many.

"Not that many"? What does that mean?

Look. Megan.

- Megs. - Megsters.

Meggie Poo.

Don't take this the wrong way.

You're kinda scared to try new things.

- Yeah, I know. - Wait, what?

My dads are therapists.

I've been talking about this since I was four.

You know, but tonight? Tonight's gonna be different.

Tonight, I'm gonna get out of my comfort zone.

Try new things.

Anna Maria, we're gonna forget all about your dad and the beast-troll.

And, Paige, we're gonna make a name for you

before we even step on campus.

Okay. We're gonna be so ready for freshman year.

- You're serious? - Oh, yeah.

Tonight's gonna be epic.

Let's see. We could do…

Learn Hip-Hop with Brian Austin Green

or watch a movie called Tommy Boy.

No more TV.

- I say we TP Jake Ramirez's house. - Yeah.

Jake... Jake-Jake who? I've never heard of him.

- Let's go. - What?

No, no, no, no. Please. No, no, no. We're not doing this.

- Whoa. - Oh, so you're coming with us?

- Awesome. Perfect. - Come on.

- No. No, no, no! - Okay, let's go. Whoo-hoo!

Hell yeah! Let's do this.

What are we doing? Do we need a sweater? I chill easily.

Sorry I'm late, gals. My parkour lesson ran long.

And high.

And low.

Get it?

It's a parkour pun.

- Ooh. - I'm good.

Just a little spill.

- What in the parkour? - I'm Veronica.

I'm sure Anna Maria has told you all about me.

I'm her favorite new stepsister.

- Her dad just dropped me off. - Which isn't weird at all.

Exactly. He's the best.

And, technically, you're not my stepsister until tomorrow,

so let's not jump the gun.

They could still totally change their minds.

No way. They are all over each other.

Right… …Anna Maria?

Any way you can stop saying my name in an accent?

It makes me want to die a little.

- Mm-hmm. - So, where do you go to school?

- I'm homeschooled. - Explains a lot.

- Uh-huh. - Great.

Now the Three Amigos are more like the Freakish Foursome.

Hey, Veronica. Why don't you unpack and make yourself at home

while we sidebar with the birthday girl?

Oh, sure. Absolutely. Sounds good.

Maybe you could tell her

she's doing long-term damage to my self-esteem.

- What? - Uh... Dude, harsh much?

Tonight was supposed to just be us.

It's my birthday.

Okay. We hear you, and your feelings are valid.

- Thank you. - But is this

what the rest of the night's gonna be like?

Because I haven't felt this awkward

since that substitute forced me to write a Mother's Day card.

Oh, man. I remember that.

I'm sure Mr. Quan is enjoying his early retirement.

Let's feel all of these feelings in here.

But out there, let's have some fun.

I know. You guys are right.

- Okay. Good. - Nice.

Even if Veronica's stealing my dad and crashing my slumber party.

Okay. So we're still feeling things.

I don't want a stepmother or a stepsister or a baby half-sister.

I just want one mom with one dad

and one annoying little sister, like a normal family.

What's that supposed to mean?

You know, you're talking to someone with two dads, right?

Yeah.

You know, and I am the "baby half-sister" in my family.

My mom's been married, like, three or four times.

So maybe we're not the target demo for this.

I-I didn't mean it like that.

Well, then, how did you mean it?

I just meant that I wanna be in a regular family again.

Okay. Well, that clears things up.

- All good? - So good.

Yeah. Totally better now.

Cool. Yeah.

Seems like it.

- You psychopath! - Who even does that?

You're gonna grow up to be one of those people

who dresses up like a bush and scares tourists for a living.

A girl can dream.

Penny, what do you even want?

And whatever it is, no.

I just want to hang out. Be included.

I could film your posts or tell jokes.

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta. Get out. Hard pass.

Come on, please?

It's not fair. Why do you guys always leave me out?

Because you can't keep your mouth shut.

And this is a slumber party,

which is based on the foundation of secrets.

I can keep a secret.

I never told anybody you once farted so loud in church

that you woke yourself up.

You did kind of just spill the beans.

- Pun intended. - Penny.

I'm gonna give you three seconds to get out of this basement

before I lock you in the storage room for the rest of the night.

And I'll tell Mom that we're including you when she asks where you are.

Like you could even.

- Oh, I'll help her. - Me too.

I can remove the lightbulbs in there.

One.

Two.

Three!

This isn't over. You'll be sorry!

♪ I got wants ♪

♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do ♪

What do you mean I didn't get a callback?

They're going in a different direction. I don't know what else to say.

- It's okay. -Come on, Lenny.

I have a BFA in Dramatic Performance.

I went to the Cincinnati Conservatory.

I put the "dream" in Midsummer Night's Dream.

I know you did. You're a star.

I can't keep doing these birthday parties for the rest of my life.

You'll get the next one. Don't worry.

I gotta spread my thespian wings and fly.

And you will.

♪ Wants and needs, yeah ♪

Ah, shoot.

Lenny, I-I gotta go.

♪ I got wants ♪

No, you didn't get a callback this time.

This time.

Like I got a callback last time? Because I didn't.

Did it ever occur to you how l-lucky you are

to have me as a client, Lenny?

Hmm?

Yeah.

Wait till I get my turn.

This what I got in me.

♪ Ooh, what I got in me ♪

Better that I let it out!

Mesmer the hypnotist has arrived!

Whoa.

I'm here for your birthday party performance

show thing.

Are you the birthday girl?

Hypnotist? That stuff isn't real.

Unless you can hypnotize my sister to punch herself in the face?

All right. Look, kid,

invite me in, or I'll use my magic

to make you grow a mustache that your mother won't let you bleach.

Mom!

Oh, hey. Yeah, Veronica told me.

Uh, come on in. They're down in the basement.

Oh, but I'm sure you already knew that, right?

I'm a hypnotist, not a fortune teller. And yes, I did.

Oh. Okay.

♪ It's the same kind of story That seems to come down ♪

♪ From long ago ♪

♪ Two friends having coffee together ♪

♪ When something flies by their window ♪

♪ And that's why it seems like a dream ♪

- ♪ That got me hypnotized ♪ - ♪ Got me hypnotized ♪

Prepare to be shocked and amazed!

Ta-da! My gift for my soon-to-be stepsister has arrived.

I am The Magnificent Mesmer.

Master of hypnosis.

Shut up!

Okay. I'm actually down with hypnotism.

I don't know, guys.

I saw this documentary on Netflix about a woman who was hypnotized,

and she never went back to normal.

- You guys go ahead. - Come on.

Yeah, it's my birthday.

Silence!

Shall we begin?

Welcome.

If you're open to my talents,

I'll help you explore the hidden depths of your subconscious.

Jake Ramirez.

Paige!

Yeah, Jake.

Follow my direction to expand your mind

and challenge your preconceptions.

Eyes closed or the magic doesn't work.

Tonight, I want you to live your best lives.

Be your most authentic selves,

void of inhibitions and self-consciousness.

Live, laugh, love,

until I call the birthday girl later with the trigger word.

That word will snap you out of your hypnosis,

and you will remember everything.

Are there any questions?

- Yes... - No.

Follow the sound of my voice.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

Step, touch. Here we go.

- Give me a little snap.

- Are y'all feeling good? - -Yes!

- Now add a clap!

- That heartbeat!

Can you hear my heart beat?

- Yeah! -We're gonna travel back.

- And travel. Little steps.

Oh, my gosh.

What did we do last night?

Morning.

No.

Megan Bernadette Brookman, you are not missing an eyebrow.

You are not missing an eyebrow. No.

Okay.

Oh, geez!

Yes, I am!

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Anna will fix it. It'll be fine. It'll be okay.

It's okay. Oh, my God.

What?

Mmm.

What is happening?

Anna Maria? Anna Maria? Hey.

Okay.

Paige! Paige, get up.

Get up. G... Now! Come on.

Huh?

Veronica. Veronica. Get up.

"There's no place like home. There's no place like home."

Not today, Dorothy. Get up.

Whoa.

What did you do, Veronica?

Me? You're not pinning this on me.

Oh. Okay, maybe I did do that.

What is happening to me?

Settle down, Scissorhands. They're press ons.

Oh.

Where is Anna Maria?

- Paige, give me your phone. I'll call her. - Okay.

Is that Jake Ramirez's hoodie?

I believe so, yes.

But I don't remember how I got it.

I don't remember anything.

I don't remember anything either.

Me either.

She's not picking up.

Anna Maria's mom's gonna kill us.

Guys, I think we have a bigger problem.

Where is Anna Maria?

And why does Paige literally have blood on her hands?

What?

You killed Anna Maria.

I didn't kill Anna Maria.

I'm sure she's sleeping up in her room.

She never goes anywhere without her phone.

Yep. No need to panic about spilled blood and alert her mom

- to a murder that didn't happen. - Don't.

Let's just check in her room, okay?

We have to be quiet.

No, I'm fine. It's fine.

I mean, so my ex-husband's getting married today. Big deal.

No, Mom, you don't need to come over.

Well, turn around. I don't want any cake. I...

I don't even remember why I came in here.

Okay. Fine. Yes, it's weird.

Just because I don't want to be married to him anymore,

doesn't mean I'm ready for him to be married to someone else.

You know, m-maybe... maybe she did decide to go on the hike with her dad.

No way. She said she'd rather get her braces back on

than hike up a mountain with him.

Plus, her hiking boots are still here.

This is bad.

Do any of you remember anything from last night?

No, ma'am.

Oh, I know I don't remember TP'ing Jake Ramirez's house.

- What? - Come on.

I've got an idea who might know.

Thanks for knocking.

Where is your sister?

I'm right here.

Sorry. It's a big day for me.

We know you know where she is.

Actually, I don't.

She's missing?

I'll grab my shoes, help you look for her...

Ah. Thanks, but no thanks.

If I don't know where she is

and you guys don't know where she is,

then she could be in serious trouble.

This is terrible.

And it'll ruin my dad's special day.

- I better go tell my mom... - Ah!

If you don't want me to tell my mom,

you have to do something for me.

She's like a comic book villain in a training bra.

For starters,

I want you, smarty-pants Megan magoo,

to do my math homework for a month.

What?

But don't you want to learn the material?

Math is like a pyramid. If you don't have...

I want you to tag me in a cool post so I can get a ton of followers.

Your mom won't even let you have an account.

- Yet. - You're delusional.

Mom!

What is it, mija?

Fine, I'll do it.

I just wanted to tell you that I love you!

Love you too, baby girl.

I'm never having kids. You are the actual worst.

Big talk from someone who turned 14, like, ten seconds ago.

Uh... Okay, you know what?

You're gonna be totally lost if you can't multiply fractions.

What if she thinks we're still mad about the normal family stuff?

We should have just let her off the hook.

I agree. You should have.

Hey, go clean up your poop name.

Okay.

What if she's hurt? Or kidnapped?

You know what? She probably just ran away to skip out on her dad's wedding.

Mm-hmm. Much better.

It's cool.

It's Nutella.

I think.

Paige, what are we supposed to do?

Okay… …first things first.

Veronica, what's the number of the place you got the hypnotist from?

We need to get a hold of Mesmer so we can get the trigger word and find Anna Maria.

Hey, Siri, call Captain Bootleg Character Parties.

Ahoy, this be Captain Bootleg.

Leave a message, and we'll call ye back. Arr.

Hi, this is Veronica.

We have a total emergency. Please call us back at your earliest convenience.

- Now what? - I should just call my dads.

No, no. No adults.

Look, we are not kids anymore.

We're gonna find Anna Maria ourselves.

Okay, well, we gotta do it before the wedding at four o'clock.

But not to worry. I got my Junior Detective certification online.

All we need to do is… …follow the clues.

Things aren't all they're "quacked" up to be.

♪ Gonna find her ♪

♪ Gonna find her ♪

♪ Gonna find her ♪

♪ Gonna find her ♪

♪ Yeah, I've been searchin' ♪

♪ A-A searchin' ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, searchin' ♪

So, what are we thinking? She might actually be in there.

We've got a granny cart of West Oak ducks.

I think we need to check.

Yeah, but... I mean, we're not actually gonna break in the high school, right?

- So, what exactly is our plan? - We're breaking into high school.

Duh.

There's gotta be a janitor in there or something.

No, no, no. We're not telling any adults.

Yeah, no way. My new stepdad is gonna hate me

before he is even officially my stepdad.

He's gonna love me whether he likes it or not.

- I... - I can get us in anywhere.

What is she doing?

What?

Getting low. Ooh.

She's jump... She's jumping.

- Parkour. - Okay, no.

That is not happening. We do not have the bandwidth to squeeze in an ER visit.

We need help.

Okay.

I'll call reinforcements.

Ugh, honestly, they need a shoelaces alternative.

They do. It's called Velcro.

What's up?

Mikey is our reinforcements?

Yep.

♪ The first time ♪

♪ Ever I saw your face ♪

♪ I thought the sun… ♪

Give it to me. Hypnotized.

Anna Maria missing. Baby ducks.

Ah. Got it.

Uh, who's that?

No idea.

- I'm Veronica. - Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh. Ew. No.

Follow me.

Every door is locked.

There's a chance Anna Maria could be inside, and we need to check.

Give me a minute. Stay here.

Okay. He's gone.

Hope he knows what he's doing.

So, what's Mikey's sign?

Let's hope this is like that time he showed me the secret trapdoor to freedom

he built in the middle school drama room.

- That was him? - Some of his best work.

Unfindable to faculty since 2017.

I thought that was a myth.

That was a Mikey.

Wow.

I know, right?

Still a legend among ditching middle schoolers everywhere.

- Thank you. - It's annoying.

Don't dillydally, Sam. We have plenty of real work to do.

First things first, I need you to take care of that mystery liquid

on the floor in the south hall.

And remember, when that inspector comes,

you do not have keys to the teachers' lounge.

Hide your keys. Put 'em in your pants.

Who gets to say that asbestos is illegal?

Nobody. None of their business. Follow me.

Okay, come on.

Guys, how are we actually gonna find Anna Maria in here?

I love it. I love it all. I love these lockers. I love that clock.

I love the cartoon principal. I love public school...

Pipe down, Matilda.

Mikey, Veronica, ditch the ducks in the science lab,

and we'll come find you after we look around for her.

This is the best day of my life.

Here we are, two total strangers falling for each other in a public school.

It's like we're Troy and Gabriella in High School Musical.

Like when Gabriella is too shy to audition by herself,

but then Troy offers to sing with her so she isn't scared.

♪ I know something has changed ♪

♪ Never felt this way ♪

♪ But right here tonight ♪

♪ This could be the start Of something new ♪

♪ It feels so right ♪

♪ To be here with you ♪

Are you kidding me? You had one job, you idiots.

You let the ducks escape.

I have to do everything myself.

Come here, ducky. Here, ducky, ducky.

- I almost stepped on 'em. - Wait... No. Back.

- Almost. - Hurry up.

Mmm. Gotcha.

Yes. Come here. Come here.

Guys, no.

Guys, look what I found.

- One of Anna Maria's new shoes. - Why is there only one?

Come on. She's gotta be here somewhere.

Whoa.

Get rid of that bird before I take it to the cafeteria

and turn it into nuggets.

But, Daddy, I love him.

I cannot stand you.

You better be nice to me.

I'm about to be Anna Maria's sister, but I could end up being your sister too.

If you know what I mean.

- That's it! - Ha!

To the children trespassing in my school,

you can run, but we will find you.

Nobody makes a fool out of Agnes Peterson.

I'm gonna get those little stinkbugs. Look in there!

You think we're playing hide-and-go-seek? Well, you're lucky I'm in a good mood.

Well, well, well, look what we have here.

Come on over, girls. We just wanna talk.

- I can't see 'em. - Oh, shoot.

Oh, my…

We can't keep doing this. One of us has to fall on the sword and distract them.

I vote Veronica! I believe in you.

But if I get caught, it'll go on my permanent record!

- You're homeschooled. - Oh, yeah.

Go, go.

Why didn't you text me back?

I was a little busy running for my life!

Where's Veronica?

- Hurry. - Go, Sam, go!

- I love high school! - Stop it!

- Quicker, Sam. Go, go, go! - Get in.

- Go, go, go! - Go!

Get 'em, Sam!

Stop immediately!

Dang it!

What just happened?

All that and we still didn't find Anna Maria.

Just her shoe.

With the orange and maroon soles.

These are my colors. Lady at Sephora told me I'm a warm neutral.

Orange and maroon paint.

Those are Hillside colors. West Oak's rival school.

Hillside hates us.

- This is not good. - Yeah, because they don't even know us,

which is so unfair.

No, they should totally hate us.

When I was a freshman, they stole our mascot's uniform,

and in retaliation, we captured their vice principal, Mr. Marshall.

Well, what happened when they found him?

They never did.

They've been trying to get back at us ever since.

Y-You think they have Anna Maria?

I think we need to go find out.

Paige, are you sure you wanna do this?

You're a West Oak Warrior now. Hillside's enemy territory.

Aren't you gonna stay and help us?

Look, Paige, I'm Hillside enemy number one. Too risky. I'm out.

Wow, Mikey. I expected more.

So, this is how the rich kids live.

I heard they serve sashimi in the cafeteria

and you can pay your way out of PE.

Gross. I'll take the half-dead grass

and half-dead principal at West Oak any day.

I knew it. You do love me.

Where's Veronica?

Okay.

I don't think we'll be able to sneak in there without Mikey.

We need to figure out how Anna Maria got Hillside's colors on her new shoe.

Ouch. What...

What the duck is that?

What is what? It's nothing. I-It's not a duck.

That is a duck.

It was a gift from my man.

Come here, Bill.

Don't worry. A duck doesn't mean anything.

I'm gonna kill him.

The marching band, my people.

Maybe they know where Anna Maria is. Let's go. Come on.

Guys, wait for me.

These are your people?

I thought they were.

They look like they ate the middle school band for breakfast.

What do you mean if I had been here?

You're the one who ran after Ava Hakakian offering to polish her cymbals.

O... Okay. Whoa, whoa. Let's keep it clean, please.

Oh. What, clean?

The last thing this school needs is more drama.

Don't. Don't.

- I just find it fascinating… - No. Please, no.

…who wants us to keep things clean.

- Real classy, Brixton. - That wasn't me.

And I'm not the one who left the hedgehog out in the open,

making it easy to steal.

Dude, what else was I supposed to do?

- I can't. - You have to hold it.

- You have to. - No. No.

- How could you... - I'm sorry.

- I can't... I can't... - They're right there.

Oh, sh...

- Whoa. - Ouch.

Hey! Yo, watch it, music man.

It's you.

You... You who? Me?

Hey, what's your deal?

Hold on. I got this.

You wanna go?

- Pfft. - That's what I thought.

Are you done? Because you ladies have something we want.

Parents who didn't participate in the college admissions scandal?

Funny, especially coming from a gang of degenerates

who could be charged with grand theft hedgehog.

Uh, come again?

Last night, you stole our homecoming hedgehog float. Hedgie?

FYI, love hedgehogs. I did a report on them.

You have a lot of nerve coming back here.

Okay, I think there's been a misunderstanding.

Don't even try to deny it. We have proof.

Oh, my gosh. This thing smells like puke.

You have to see Meg.

- There she is. - Please show Meg.

- Hey! - -Oh, yeah!

I'm actually saving myself for Hedgie.

Ooh.

- Okay. - Yeah, yeah.

I already know what to say. I got this. Okay?

Okay.

So, funny thing.

Um, I know you have this video and all, but, uh,

we don't actually remember anything that happened last night,

so we don't know where your hedgehog float is.

No, it is true. You have to believe us...

No, you have to believe us.

We want our hedgehog back, and we want him back now.

Yeah, and we have what you want.

Oh, my gosh. I think they have Anna Maria.

What I'm sure you really, really want back.

Just to clarify, are we talking about...

Enough talk.

If you wanna find out, bring our float

to the Groundtown Café on Oak Street at two o'clock and we'll make the swap.

No funny business.

But it's already almost noon, and we're telling the truth.

We don't know where your hedgehog is.

Well, I'd say you're sufficiently motivated to find it.

And I wouldn't be late.

We have all the evidence we need to prosecute.

And my mom's a lawyer.

- So is mine. - So is mine.

Come on, Bill. Stay with the group.

Now, instead of searching for a missing girl,

we are searching for a missing hedgehog.

This is my own fault.

Anna Maria is being held hostage because I had to try new things.

I knew we couldn't trust that sketchy hypnotist.

Who even knows if they have their hypnotist license?

- You know what? I-I think hypnotism sucks. - Whoa, language.

I can't believe I just watched a video of myself

grinding on a papier-mâché hedgehog.

It never asked for that.

I mean, I can convince myself that we broke into West Oak

to rescue ducks for a good cause,

but stealing of the hedgehog float? For what?

We might as well be on America's Dumbest Criminals.

- Oh, my God. Do ya? - Love that show.

Do ya, Veronica? Did you do a report on it?

Will you two stop fighting?

I can't take it anymore.

D... Did you just yell at me?

She totally just yelled at you.

No. I mean, yes, possibly.

We never yell at each other.

- What is the deal? - The deal is... I just...

I think if we're not going to tell an adult that Anna Maria is missing

because we're high schoolers and we can handle it ourselves,

then we need to start acting like adults.

You mean, like, ignore the climate crisis

and waste all our free time fighting in Facebook groups?

I mean we need to focus. Those band freaks have our friend,

and all this bickering between you two is not helping.

Okay, fine. I'll keep my mouth shut.

That's not what I meant.

Paige…

Just...

Yello?

You're stressed out, which is freaking me out

because it means that you're worried that we won't find her.

Hey.

We're gonna find her.

Ooh, this looks intense.

- Am I interrupting? - Always.

Who was that on the phone?

That was Captain Bootleg.

Well?

Can he get us in touch with Mesmer? What did he say?

He said, "Arr! They be unreachable."

Mesmer's booked. Working at the Chattahoochee Onion Fest.

This place is packed.

How come I never knew onion fest was a thing?

Because only a certain kind of people go to onion festivals.

Guys, I love the Chattahoochee Onion Fest.

Sure, it's no Greenville Garlic Festival,

- but let's get real, what is, amirite? - No.

We don't have time to wait in this line.

We have to get in there and find Mesmer.

I've got an idea. We might be able to pull a Mikey.

Okay.

This way.

Let's go.

Okay.

This will be the fastest way. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Oh.

Oh!

Finally, you're here.

Rita, Vera, Esther Chen.

Quick, quick, quick. We almost started without you.

Look! Look! It's Mesmer.

Mesmer's the Great Onion.

Oh, hello, little onion sprout.

The Great Onion. What's so great about you?

Oh…

…silly little shallot.

Uh, I have a great attitude, okay?

Say, "onions."

- No? Or don't. Okay, thank you. - Thank you.

Okay. All right, I gotta take five. My shoes are killing me.

Wait, what?

Come on. We'll tell him we changed our minds and we're out.

I knew you girls couldn't be in the right place.

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. Did... Did someone say "Beetlejuice" three times?

The cooking contest is right over there.

And the porta-potties are over there, you piece of sh...

It's time for the 47th Annual Onion Munch.

Yes! Whoo!

Onion Munch! Onion Munch!

Onion Munch!

All right. All right.

Here are the rules.

In front of you, you have one pound of raw onion.

When you've consumed them, you will get another pound.

And if you can't eat anymore,

you rise in shame and go directly

to the fryer!

Fryer! Fryer! Fryer!

- Fryer! Fryer! Fryer! Fryer! - Fryer! Fryer! Fryer! Fryer!

All right. The one who eats

the most onions in two minutes

will win the Onion Munch.

Whoo!

Sure. Sure, I eat onions.

But I've never taken a bite out of a raw onion like an apple.

Okay. What are we doing?

Trying new things.

That's my girl.

I'm winning this munch. Yeah!

In your dreams, Esther.

Buckle up, Beetlejuice. It's showtime.

Hey, um, do you think you could take this?

- Yeah. Hello, baby. Okay. - Thank you so much.

Oh, she's not playing.

She's got all her ducks in a row, ladies and gentlemen.

All right. Ready. Set.

Munch!

Let's go. Yes!

Get it down.

Yeah! All right, good try.

That's right. That's right.

Ooh, nasty.

Nasty stuff going on here.

People are already starting to cry.

There's no crying in Onion Munch.

Leave me alone!

Let's go. Let's go.

Ooh, she's going at it over here.

Those onions are tasty, that's for sure.

I did it!

But I can't do it anymore. Sorry. But you got this.

- And we got our first stinker… - Stinker! Stinker!

- …the lady with the unibrow. - Stinker!

- To the fryer! Stinker! Stinker! - Stinker! Stinker!

Buh-bye. To the fryer!

All right, who's next? Who's next?

Oh, the lady with the hanging onion.

To the fryer, lady.

- To the fryer. Fry your onions... - Fryer! Fryer!

- Bye, you wee little lass. - Watch where you're going.

- Yes. Fryer! Fryer! - Fryer! Fryer!

Nice, nice. Very, very appealing.

Oh! Thanks for joining us, lady.

Thanks a lot.

- I can't do it. - Aw.

Aw. Boohoo.

Oh, the gentleman in the suit.

You can get an onion ring for the bride in the fryer.

Oh, and we're down to the final two.

Esther Chen and Johnnie Onion.

♪ Where have all the good men gone ♪

♪ And where are all the gods? ♪

♪ Where's the streetwise Hercules ♪

♪ To fight the rising odds? ♪

♪ Isn't there a white knight Upon a fiery steed? ♪

♪ Late at night I toss and I turn ♪

Just look at her. She's a machine.

Go, Esther!

♪ I need a hero ♪

Go, Esther! Yes!

Now we're almost there. We're almost there.

Who's gonna be next? Who's gonna be next?

Look, I think it's the real Esther Chen.

We gotta get to the Great Onion. We need that trigger word.

- Mesmer! Look right now! - Yo, yo! Look!

- Over here! Mesmer! - Over here! Mesmer!

♪ He's gotta be strong ♪

♪ It's gotta be soon ♪

♪ And he's gotta be larger than life ♪

Oh. And Johnnie Onion is disqualified.

On to the fryer.

Yes! Yes! I am victorious.

I am unstoppable.

I am your daddy!

And I declare...

W... What? What... What's going on?

- She's a fraud. - What?

- You are not Esther Chen! - That's right.

- Veronica! You gotta get to Mesmer. - You're our only hope.

But how?

- Parkour! - Me? Now?

Yes! Go!

Parkour.

♪ I need a hero ♪

That's a squashed onion.

I am the Onion Munch Champion.

I am never eating another onion again in my life.

Really? I would do that a million times more.

That's because you're you.

- You're so mean. - Okay.

Getting banned from Onion Fest for life was not how I saw this day going.

What now?

Well, Mesmer's a bust. We gotta switch gears.

And do what? We're out of clues.

There is one more clue.

- What? - You're wearing it.

- No. No, no, no. We are not. We are not... - Oh, we are.

- We are not. - We are.

- There's many other clues. - Name one.

- No, no, no. - Okay.

See you at Jake's house.

- Is this happening? - It is.

- Is he coming over here? - He is.

- Am I still wearing his sweatshirt? - You are.

- And missing an eyebrow? - Indeed.

- Does my breath smell like onions? - It doesn't not smell like onions.

Please, God, never let him know I've multiple vision boards

of what our children might look like.

He's even cuter up close, and if you squint, he might even have facial hair.

- I can't do this. I'm leaving. - Too late.

You already are.

Hey.

Hey.

What's up?

Mmm. Not much.

You sure do itch your head a lot.

You might wanna get checked for lice.

Veronica. No.

Um, you checked my head last night.

I'm all clear. Don't you remember?

I do always carry my lice comb, just in case.

Wait, wait... Last night? You were with us last night?

Yeah, I thought you came back for this.

♪ Hedgie ♪

My mom's starting to ask questions.

Oh, man. We did steal it.

Well, at least when we go to jail, we'll be there together.

Okay, we gotta get this thing to Groundtown Café on Oak Street by 2:00

so we can get Anna Maria back.

You can't do this on foot. You won't make it there in time.

But I-I think I have a way.

You're gonna help us?

Of course I am.

You're gonna be fine, Bill.

This thing has airbags.

Hey, look, I wouldn't blame you if you wanna sit this one out.

This ride is no joke.

No.

I'm in.

Come on. Here.

There. I got you.

We gotta do this for Anna Maria.

Heck, yeah. For Anna Maria!

For Anna Maria.

For Anna Maria.

Okay.

Okay.

Anybody have any elbow or knee pads?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. This is happening.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my God. We're breaking the law!

I can't do this!

- Move! Move! Move! - Get out of the way!

Move! Get out of the way!

Come on.

Stop.

Holy guacamole!

I can't look!

Bill, are you okay?

There it is! We're almost there.

Megan! You need to steer to the right!

I don't think I can!

You can do it, Megan!

Megan!

Megan!

Oh.

Hey, welcome back.

I still have no answers for you. Sorry about that.

But I do have a new question.

Is it good or bad to try new things?

Am I dead? Is this heaven?

That was so awesome.

Whoo!

Megs, bud, might be time to switch to clinical strength.

Megan, first, that was sick. You're a rock star.

Second. Are you okay?

I think so.

- What? - Oh.

What is it? Why does your face look like that?

What is it? Tell me.

- Uh-uh. - Okay.

Um… …can... can you?

- Yeah. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. - Yeah, okay. I got this.

Come. Come.

So, Megs, don't freak, but you have a cockroach on your shirt.

Okay, okay.

I can see that you're on the verge of freaking out, rightfully so.

First, let's lose your little friend here.

Just do a Taylor Swift. Shake it off.

- Okay? - Okay.

Can you do it with me?

Of course.

Just... Just like that. Yeah, like...

Right here. Like, right here. Yeah. Hey!

- Paige, I am so tired of being dirty… - Yeah.

…and reckless and hungry and with Veronica…

I know.

…and I just want my eyebrow back.

Okay.

All we have to do now is get to the finish line and unload this hedgehog, okay?

And then?

Then we get Anna Maria back.

You want that, don't you?

Yeah. Okay.

You're such a good friend.

Of course I...

- Don't touch me, okay? - Okay.

Love you.

Looks like somebody's been through the wringer.

We are delivering him a little rough around the edges,

and for that we're sorry.

Wasn't talking about the hedgehog.

Rude.

We're taking the hedgehog.

Uh-uh-uh-uh. Not so fast.

You have something we want.

The reason we're here.

Oh, right.

Huh. Uh... What is this? A ceiling fan remote?

That is not my stepsister!

I think it's one of those old people phones.

One of y'all dropped it last night on the field.

We are not here for a stupid phone that is not even ours.

- Definitely not mine. - Not mine.

The three buttons say "Dad," "Pops," and...

Okay, fine. It's mine. It's mine, okay?

It's my phone. It's mine. Yeah.

What even is this? An iPhone Negative 12?

Does it text in hieroglyphics?

Is the last button a direct line to the therapist you need

specifically because of this phone?

That's what the first two buttons are for actually.

Ha ha! So funny. Anyone else?

No? Okay, yeah, I'll go.

Hello? Oh, 1997 called. They want their phone back.

- Okay, are we done now? - Sure. Sure. Totally.

Great. Terrific. You can take your hedgehog and leave now.

Wait, did you guys actually think we were holding a kid hostage?

Geez, we're not criminals. My mom's a law...

A lawyer. Yeah, we know.

What? What? I'm fine.

Yeah. I'm sure this would all be very humiliating if I wasn't busy feeling like

our friend might be the subject of a new Dateline episode

that we're all currently trapped in.

She's right. What if Anna Maria's really in trouble?

This is bad, Paige. We tried it your way.

But now I think it's time to tell Anna Maria's mom she's missing.

Okay. Okay.

Fine. You're... You're right.

It is time.

All I want is Anna Maria back.

Okay.

You're rocking an intense gash.

Pretty sure the cockroach juice will keep it from getting infected.

How about I just give you a ride back?

I'm pretty pungent at the moment.

Have you seen the guys I hang around with?

Yes. Uh... Uh, no.

No. Uh...

Maybe.

Get a room, lovebirds. We gotta get moving.

♪ We met in December ♪

♪ I knew it by June ♪

♪ I'd want this forever I'll never surrender ♪

♪ It's gotta be you ♪

♪ You're like sunshine after rain ♪

♪ When the sky's the perfect Shade of blue ♪

You okay back there?

I'm good, thanks.

♪ Because heaven's just a place ♪

Hold on tight.

♪ I'd give you the world ♪

Oh, my God.

♪ Whatever you want You can… ♪

What did you say, Megan?

You were mouthing something to Paige,

and I couldn't quite hear you.

♪ If anything's left It's yours to keep ♪

♪ I'd give you the world Take it all from me ♪

♪ Whatever you want You can have for free ♪

♪ I would give anything And everything ♪

♪ If anything's left It's yours to keep ♪

Anna Maria's mom isn't home.

Well, what do we do now? Tell her dad?

No, it's his wedding day.

Oh. Hey, while I was eating two pounds of onions, I was wondering...

- Wait, what? - I'll explain later.

Who was taking that video last night?

The one the band showed us where Megan was violating that hedgehog?

Oh, it was probably Penny.

She was with us last night.

You and Jake deal with the basement.

I'll take Veronica and handle this.

Look at you.

Found some soap.

Couldn't find my other eyebrow.

- You can hardly even tell. - Liar.

Is it true? You'd rather be playing the flute?

Um, no.

But I'm pretty sure your sweatshirt needs to be boiled in OxiClean

before I can give it back. So…

No worries, you can hold on to it.

Are you gonna be okay?

Yeah. I've had to try a lot of new things the past 24 hours.

Kind of regretting some.

Is this what high school feels like?

You kinda get used to it.

But I get it.

Trying new things is hard.

I didn't even try out for basketball because…

I was afraid I wouldn't make the team.

But now…

Now maybe I will.

We should, uh, probably keep cleaning before Mrs. Guerrero gets home.

Yeah.

Not my Misty Macintosh!

Of course you have a Misty Macintosh, psychopath.

Tell us where Anna Maria is,

or my, my, my, Little Red, what short hair you will have.

You wouldn't.

But I would.

I swear, I don't know where my sister is. I promise.

You guys have to believe me.

I already feel like I lost my dad. I can't lose my sister too.

She's looking down to the left. Rapid blinking. No actual tears.

She's lying.

We need to turn up the heat.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Who's next?

No.

Giddy up, buttercup.

No!

So, uh, I'll see you around?

There's a strong chance I might be on lockdown till my twenties.

So…

Uh, I can always ride by your window and check.

Okay.

It's true, you know.

You are flutiful.

Wait.

You forgot this.

We can do this all day.

Still not talking?

No, she's not.

You need to tell us everything so we can find your sister.

Or else, there's a certain stallion who's gonna pay the price in the microwave.

Okay, all right, I'll talk, but don't hate me, okay?

All I ever wanted was to be a part of your slumber party.

And you guys were finally including me, and we were having so much fun, remember?

I just wanted the fun to last a little longer.

Penny, what did you do?

Well, my sister kept saying I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

So I wanted to prove to her that I could.

Yo, spit it out.

She left a note this morning on the bathroom mirror, and I took it.

You give-give me... You give me this, you little...

She didn't say that she didn't wanna go on the birthday hike.

She just said she didn't wanna go on her birthday hike with her dad. Let's go!

Wait, guys!

Veronica! Please!

Only if you say I'm your favorite sister for life.

You're my favorite sister for life.

♪ Should have done better than this ♪

Come on, I said it!

Anna Maria!

- Anna Maria! - Anna Maria!

- Anna Maria! - Anna Maria!

- Anna Maria! - Anna Maria! Anna Maria!

- Anna Maria! - Anna Maria!

♪ Show me what I'm looking for ♪

I think that's her.

♪ Save me, I'm lost ♪

- That's her! - Oh, my God! Anna Maria!

Anna Maria!

♪ Oh, Lord I've been waiting for you ♪

Anna Maria!

Anna Maria.

Dude, we thought you were dead.

- We were seriously worried. - Yeah.

They were worried.

I was like, "You guys, she's my sister. I know her. She's fine."

Yeah… …I'm... I'm good.

Do you know why I'm wearing Santa pants?

What happened to your eyebrow?

And is that a duck in your pocket?

It's a homeschool thing.

Wait, why are you all bloody?

I don't know, but my face hurts.

Why did you come out here alone?

I couldn't sleep last night.

I was thinking about all the terrible things I said to my dad.

So I came up here to sort things out, and…

I don't wanna be angry anymore.

I love my dad… …and I want him to be happy.

Even if this new version of our family doesn't feel normal yet.

And I know normal is, like, not even a thing.

I'm really sorry about what I said, guys.

I'm sorry about what happened in the storage closet.

It's okay to be freaked out about how much your family is changing.

Mmm. I'm sorry too.

But you're one of us now.

You're gonna be good.

Welcome to the club.

When you think about it, nobody's family is really normal.

But even though it feels like everything is changing, our friendship never will.

Oh. Oh, we gotta get you to your dad's wedding.

It's in, like, 30 minutes.

I'm pretty sure I need a shower first.

I look and smell like I've been hanging out in a dumpster.

Hey… …we don't joke about that.

- Come on. - Come on.

♪ I got a destination ♪

♪ And I'm on my way ♪

Uh, uh, uh.

I'm really happy for you, Dad.

That doesn't feel like sarcasm.

I guess I should maybe try new things

before I decide to hate them with the power of the sun.

Mmm, that sounds like a good idea.

So you'll try boba?

Mi amorcita, I will never, ever chew my drink.

Oh, Dad, I think I just saw Penny twerking in front of Grandma Olga.

Oh, Dios mío. Penny!

- Did she really? - Not at all.

- So good. - Mm-hmm.

- Who are you calling? - Mikey.

We're co-parenting.

Yo, it's your boy, Mikey. Not here right now,

- so please leave a messageafter the tone. -Voice mail.

Hey, Mike and Ike.

Just checking in on Bill, making sure he's regular.

Call me back.

So, I heard you're staying over at my place while my...

Our parents are on their honeymoon.

I'll try to stay out of your way.

No need. We're cool.

And your mom isn't the beast-troll with bad highlights I said she was.

Thanks.

Wait, you said my mom was a beast-troll?

Were you not there?

My girls.

Look at this.

Hey, uh, Anna, uh, there's a surprise for you waiting by the altar.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday Dear Anna Maria ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

You guys are the best... Hey, where'd you get that cake?

My dad made it.

Come here, guys.

Hey.

Come on.

Wait, I need to...

- To Anna Maria. - Anna Maria.

- Anna Maria. - Cheers.

- We love you. - I'm licking the candles.

- Do not lick the candle. - No, no, no.

Wait, what happened in the basement?

Why don't you tell us?

Well, basically, we took out the trash and, um…

- Oh, did you take out the trash? - Did you take out the trash or…

- Or did you take out the tra... - We kissed.

No way!

Oh, I forgot to tell you guys. My mom said yes.

Yes to what?

Duh, slumber party at my house!

Oh, no.

You guys need some plates?

- No, we're good. Thank you. - We're good. Thank you so much.

Yo, was that…

It can't be. Wait, Mesmer.

Man, Mesmer hustles.

You owe us a trigger word.

Oh, hi, girls.

What are the odds I'd see you two events in a row?

Yeah, almost seems like three.

Wait.

So, I didn't call you with the trigger word?

Ugh, sorry, I did the same thing at a corporate event last week.

I'm all over the place.

We know.

You could use a vacation.

Okay.

The trigger word is...

W-Wait.

Look, you guys. Before we do this…

- What's the matter? - What's going on?

We need to make a pact. Whatever we remember from last night,

we can't hold it against each other, okay? Friendship first.

- Okay. - Deal?

Deal. Unless it was you who shaved off my eyebrow.

Come on.

Fine, deal.

- Deal. - Deal.

Ready, ladies?

Oh.

The trigger word is…

The trigger word is...

The trigger word is…

The trigger word is "Freshman."

- You! - It was you!

♪ I used to think ♪

- Oh, yeah! - Veronica! Let it go!

♪ I had the answers to everything ♪

Oh, look at her go!

♪ But now I know ♪

♪ Life doesn't always ♪

Oh. Oh, oh, no. Oh, my gosh!

Are you okay?

- He... Here, here, here. - Are you okay?

Oh, no, no, no.

Let me get it off. Let me get it off. Okay.

- Okay, yeah. Cut-Cut the camera. - Bye! Bye, bye, bye!

Shave it! Shave it! Shave it! Shave it! Shave it! Shave it! Shave it!

- Oh, my God. Look. - Shave it...

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Let's go! Let's go!

Guys, guys. Watch this. Parkour.

Oh, yeah.

♪ A moment that is mine ♪

♪ While I'm in between ♪

♪ I'm not a girl ♪

- Are you kidding me? - Are you k...

Yo! Yo! Yo!

Oh, my God! That was insane!

Yeah.

You're so freaking awesome.

Yeah. I told you so. I told you so. I told you so.

Hey. Hey!

Ooh. Whoa.

- Come on. - Okay, Megan.

- Hey. - What are you guys doing?

- Ooh. - What are you doing here?

Let's go.

♪ So don't tell me to shut my eyes ♪

Open your eyes.

Jake, I'm flying.

♪ I'm not a girl Don't tell me what to believe ♪

Oh, my gosh...

I'm the birthday girl! Close up on my face.

Guys, guys, guys, wait. Guys, I'm Jake, and my...

I love you guys more, though.

I love you guys the most.

Hey, speaking of Jake, are we ever gonna get that hedgehog back?

- Oh. Hopefully. - Let's go.

- It's okay. - Let's go. Let's go. Let's go!

♪ Your mother's got flava ♪

♪ Your father's got the flava ♪

♪ Your sister and your brother ♪

♪ And your cousins got the flava ♪

♪ The flava Flava that you crave so much ♪

♪ Flava with boom Flava that goes "crunch" ♪

♪ Tell me, who's got flava? ♪

♪ I do, I do ♪

♪ Who's got flava? ♪

♪ I do, I do ♪