Original subtitles

HEY. HEY, CHEYENNE. I'M MAKING CHILI.

IT'S GOT MELTED CHEESE, SOUR CREAM AND TWO STICKS OF BUTTER IN IT.

I CALL IT "STROKE IN A BOWL."

NO CHILI FOR ME. VAN AND I ARE DIETING.

CHEYENNE, THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON A DIET,

YOU WERE SUCKIN' THE COOKIE DOUGH RIGHT OUT OF THE TUBE.

I'M SERIOUS. WE ARE COMMITTED TO THIS.

WHY ARE YOU ON A DIET ANYWAY? YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.

OH, I KNOW.

BUT VAN IS ALL WORRIED THAT HE'S GONNA GET FAT NOW THAT HE'S NOT PLAYING FOOTBALL.

SO HE'S DIETING, AND I'M BEING FORCED TO DO IT.

WELL, THEY SAY THOSE ARE THE KEYS TO A GOOD MARRIAGE... VANITY AND HUNGER.

OH, MY GOSH, IT'S ALMOST 1:00.

BARBRA JEAN WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE TO GET HER DOG.

- WOULD YOU GO CALL IT IN FROM THE BACKYARD? - OH, SURE.

BROQ! BROQ? OH, BROQ!

YOU KNOW, I STILL THINK IT'S WEIRD THAT BARBRA JEAN NAMED HER DOG AFTER DAD.

YEAH. IT'S SO MEAN, TO THE DOG.

COME ON, BROQ! COME ON, GOOD DOG! BROQ!

HEY, MOM, I THOUGHT BARBRA JEAN DIDN'T WANT HER DOG TO GO OUTSIDE.

SHE DIDN'T. THAT'S WHY I HAVE TO GET IT BACK TO ROOM TEMPERATURE.

- I DON'T SEE HER OUT HERE. - YOO-HOO! I'M BACK.

OH, WHERE IS MY PRECIOUS LITTLE BABY BROQ?

GO AND FIND THAT DANG DOG. AND WHEN YOU FIND HER,

HOLD HER OVER THE CHILI POT TO WARM HER UP. OKAY.

OH. COME ON, LITTLE BROQ. TIME FOR KISSING.

WELL, AT LEAST BUY HER A GLASS OF WINE FIRST.

HI, REBA. THANKS SO MUCH FOR WATCHING BROQ.

WAS SHE ANY TROUBLE? OH. HARDLY KNEW SHE WAS HERE.

STILL DON'T.

WHERE IS SHE? WELL, I REALLY DON'T KNOW RIGHT NOW.

LAST TIME I SAW HER, SHE WAS UPSTAIRS WATCHING TELEVISION.

REBA, ON THE BROQ-WATCHING INSTRUCTIONS I LEFT WITH YOU,

IT EXPLICITLY STATES NO TV.

RELAX. IT WAS PBS. IT WAS A DOG SHOW.

AND SHE WAS FASCINATED TO SEE THAT SOME DOGS...

DON'T HAVE TO WEAR TURTLENECKS.

I CERTAINLY HOPE YOU DIDN'T PLAY FAST AND LOOSE WITH THE REST OF THIS STUFF.

DID SHE DO HER DOGGY PILATES?

YES. YES, SHE DID. OH, GOOD.

MOM, YOU KNOW THAT THING THAT YOU WANTED ME TO HEAT UP,

WELL, I, UM, CAN'T FIND IT.

- ARE YOU SURE YOU LOOKED EVERYWHERE? - MM-HMM.

BECAUSE SOMETIMES THAT THINGY LIKES TO DIG IN MY AZALEAS.

WHAT IS GOIN' ON? OH, NOTHING.

- WE'RE JUST LOOKIN' FOR JAKE. - YEP.

LITTLE BOOGER WON'T STAY OUT OF THE FLOWERS. YEP. ANYWAY...

WHERE'S MY DOG? WE REALLY DON'T KNOW FOR SURE.

IT WAS OUTSIDE. WHAT?

REBA, THAT IS NUMBER ONE ON THE LIST IN BOLD TYPE!

OH! BROQ! BROQ! BARBRA JEAN...

IT WANTED TO GO OUTSIDE! IT ALREADY PEED ON EVERYTHING IN HERE!

ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE LOOKED EVERYWHERE?

I THINK SO. I MEAN, I KEPT CALLING HER NAME.

WHAT IF IT'S REALLY GONE? LOOK, WE ARE GONNA FIND THE DOG.

EVERYONE JUST NEEDS TO CALM DOWN.

SHE'S GONE! MY BROQ IS GONE!

SOMEBODY HAS TAKEN MY BROQ!

YOU KNOW, WHEN I HAD TO SAY THAT A WHILE BACK, I WAS A LOT CALMER.

HA, HEY!

♪ MY ROOTS ARE PLANTED IN THE PAST ♪

♪ THOUGH MY LIFE IS CHANGING FAST ♪

♪ WHO I AM IS WHO I WANT TO BE ♪

♪ A SINGLE MOM WHO WORKS TOO HARD ♪

♪ WHO LOVES HER KIDS AND NEVER STOPS ♪

♪ WITH GENTLE HANDS ♪

♪ AND THE HEART OF A FIGHTER ♪

♪ I'M A SURVIVOR ♪♪

OH, MY GOSH, YOU DO? OH, THAT'S SUCH A RELIEF! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

I WILL BE RIGHT DOWN. SOMEBODY FOUND THE DOG?

NO. THEY HAVE A SIX AND A HALF IN A BLACK PUMP.

I'M GONNA BE AT THE MALL.

YOU'RE NOT GOIN' ANYWHERE UNTIL WE FIND THAT DANG DOG.

HEY, I PICKED UP MR. H, AND I PUT UP ALL THESE FLYERS.

HOPE TO HEAVEN THAT DOG CAN READ.

BROCK, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EAR? WHAT? OH, THIS?

I, UH... I CUT MYSELF SHAVING.

YOU SHAVE YOUR EAR?

HEY, YOUR BODY GOES THROUGH LOTS OF CHANGES AFTER YOU TURN 40.

I'M SHAVING IN A LOT OF PLACES I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO.

YOU KNOW, MR. H, YOU SHOULD TRY WAXING. HUH?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT AS OFTEN. YEAH, I DID IT ONCE FOR FUN.

- YEAH? - NOW I AM HOOKED.

KYRA, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

BARBRA JEAN WANTED ME TO GET A TAPE OF THE DOG TO GIVE TO THE POLICE.

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST GIVE THEM A PICTURE?

BECAUSE IT DOESN'T CAPTURE HER SPIRIT.

SHE'S ONLY HAD THE DOG A WEEK. HOW MANY TAPES CAN SHE HAVE?

THESE ARE JUST FROM YESTERDAY. CHECK THIS OUT.

♪♪

♪ PEOPLE, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND ♪

♪ HE'S A WARMHEARTED PERSON WHO'LL LOVE ME TILL THE END ♪

♪ PEOPLE, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND ♪

♪ HE'S A ONE-BOY, CUDDLY TOY MY UP, MY DOWN MY PRIDE AND JOY ♪

♪ PEOPLE, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT HIM HE'S SO MUCH FUN ♪

♪ WHETHER WE'RE TALKIN' MAN-TO-MAN ♪

♪ OR WHETHER WE'RE TALKIN' SON-TO-SON ♪

♪ 'CAUSE HE'S MY BEST FRIEND ♪

♪ YEAH, HE'S MY BEST FRIEND ♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

HA. I FEEL SORRY FOR THE POOR SAP WHO HAD TO VIDEOTAPE ALL THAT.

EIGHTY BUCKS IS 80 BUCKS.

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. HOW DID THE DOG GET OUT?

ARE YOU SURE ONE OF YOU GUYS DIDN'T LEAVE THE GATE OPEN?

NO WAY. MAYBE IT FOUND A HOLE UNDERNEATH THE FENCE.

OR A HAWK SWOOPED DOWN AND TOOK HER AWAY.

OH, MAN, THAT'D BE AWESOME TO SEE.

WELL, I MEAN... I MEAN, TERRIBLE FOR BARBRA JEAN.

BUT AWESOME TO SEE.

YOU KNOW, I FEEL BAD FOR BARBRA JEAN AND ALL,

BUT TO BE HONEST, I KINDA HATED THAT LITTLE DOG.

BARBRA JEAN, ARE YOU OKAY? YEAH, WHERE WERE YA?

WHILE YOU GUYS ARE ALL RUNNIN' AROUND WITH YOUR HEADS CUT OFF,

I DID SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE.

I WENT TO SEE A PSYCHIC.

WELL, DID SHE KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DOG?

- OH, SHE KNEW. - SO TELL US. WHAT'D SHE SAY?

WELL, ONE PERSON IN THIS ROOM ALREADY KNOWS WHAT SHE SAID.

WAIT A MINUTE. WHO'S THE PSYCHIC, HER OR US?

SHE TOLD ME THAT SOMEONE IN MY FAMILY,

SOMEBODY THAT I TRUST, KILLED MY DOG!

NO FAIR! THERE'S NO ONE TO THE LEFT OF ME.

BARBRA JEAN, NOBODY IN THIS FAMILY WOULD HURT YOUR DOG.

NO MATTER WHAT MADAME WACK JOB SAID.

HER NAME IS JACKIE THE ALL SEEING.

WELL, WITH A LAST NAME LIKE THAT,

YOU PRACTICALLY HAVE TO BECOME A PSYCHIC, YOU KNOW?

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? I THINK YOU DID IT, REBA.

I THINK YOU'RE THE ONE JACKIE THE ALL SEEING SAW.

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. I LOVED THAT DOG.

- OH, YEAH, RIGHT. - WHAT?

MOM, YOU ALWAYS COMPLAINED ABOUT FOUR-LEGGED BROQ.

WHEN SHE BROUGHT HER OVER HERE, YOU HID AND PRETENDED LIKE YOU WEREN'T HOME.

WHY, REBA? WERE YOU JEALOUS OF MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT DOG?

IS THAT WHY YOU DIDN'T TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER?

IF ANYBODY DIDN'T TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER, IT WAS YOU!

- DRESSING HER UP LIKE A CANINE ELTON JOHN! - OH! SHAME!

SHE WAS A DOG, BARBRA JEAN. SHE WANTED TO GO OUTSIDE.

OUTSIDE, REBA? OH, GOOD LORD, SHE'S NOT AN ANIMAL!

ALL RIGHT!

HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.

I KNOW OVER AT YOUR HOUSE THEY HAVE DIFFERENT RULES,

BUT OVER HERE AT MY HOUSE, LITTLE DOGGIES GO ON THE FLOOR.

THERE YOU GO.

YOU HARDLY HAVE ANY LEGS. HOW'D YOU DO THAT?

OKAY, COME ON. THERE YOU GO.

ALL RIGHTY THEN. COME ON.

GO ON, DOG. BE A DOG.

YEAH, I READ THE LIST. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, TELL ON ME?

SHE DID TELL ON YOU... THROUGH JACKIE THE ALL SEEING.

BARBRA JEAN, I'M NOT THE FIRST PERSON TO PUT A DOG OUT IN THE YARD.

OH, GOOD LORD, REBA, THERE ARE KILLER HAWKS EVERYWHERE.

THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

THAT'D BE AWESOME TO SEE.

I JUST DID NOT WANT HER UP THERE ON MY COUNTER.

AND SHE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN IF YOU DIDN'T TREAT HER LIKE SHE COULD WALK ON WATER.

WALK ON WATER? YEAH.

REBA, WHAT IS "DOG" SPELLED BACKWARDS?

LOOK, IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BARBRA JEAN TREATED THE DOG.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE PUT HER OUT IN THE BACKYARD.

YEAH, MOM. YOU WENT AGAINST BARBRA JEAN'S INSTRUCTIONS.

HER PRINTED, LAMINATED, COLOR-CODED INSTRUCTIONS.

I TRIED TO TELL HER. GOD!

- IT SPELLS "GOD." - YES!

CLEARLY, YOU DIDN'T LIKE THE DOG, OR ELSE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE PUT IT OUT IN THE YARD.

I GUESS SINCE YOU'RE THE EXPERT ON NOT LIKING DOGS, BROCK.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SAID YOU HATED THE DOG! BROQ HATER!

- NO, BARBRA JEAN. I DIDN'T SAY THAT. - YES, YOU DID.

YOU'RE ALWAYS TELLING ME HOW MUCH YOU HATE THE DOG.

OH, YEAH? SINCE WHEN DO YOU LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY?

LOOK, SURE,

I DIDN'T LIKE SHARING MY TOOTHBRUSH WITH THE DOG, BUT...

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I DID ANYTHING TO IT.

I MEAN, HOW COULD I? I WASN'T EVEN IN THE YARD.

YEAH, YOU WERE.

I SAW YOU.

SEE? IT'S NOT ME. BROCK'S AT FAULT. IT'S A NATURAL LAW.

THE SUN SETS IN THE WEST, AND BROCK'S AT FAULT.

YOU HATED THE DOG! YOU LIED ABOUT BEING IN THE YARD.

AND COME TO THINK OF IT, YOU HAD SOMETHING IN YOUR HAND.

SOMETHING THAT LOOKED LIKE A SACK... A DOG-NAPPIN' SACK!

IT WASN'T A DOG-NAPPING SACK! IT WAS A PILLOWCASE!

OH, REBA, I'M SO SCARED. HOLD ME.

NO. OKAY.

OKAY, OKAY.

FINE. I WAS IN THE YARD.

BUT I WASN'T THERE TO HURT THE DOG. I WAS THERE TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH IT.

BY STUFFING HER IN A PILLOWCASE?

THIS IS WHY WE DON'T HAVE FRIENDS.

THE VET SAID THAT I SHOULD GET HER USED TO MY SCENT.

SO I... I SPRAYED SOME OF MY COLOGNE ON A PILLOWCASE,

AND I BROUGHT IT OVER HERE FOR HER TO SMELL.

IT WAS GOING FINE, AT FIRST.

GOOD GIRL. HEY, LISTEN.

I'M NOT SUCH A BAD GUY.

I'M A GOOD GUY. YEAH. SMELL THAT.

THAT'S OBSESSION FOR MEN.

IT'S A PLEASANT, MANLY SCENT.

COME HERE. COME HERE. YOU SEE?

YOU SEE? I'M NOT A BAD GUY. GIVE ME SOME SUGAR.

OH!

MY EAR! YOU MONSTER.

SO YOU DIDN'T CUT YOURSELF SHAVING?

OF COURSE NOT. I'M NOT OLD ENOUGH TO SHAVE IN MY EARS.

WELL, IT WOULDN'T KILL YOU TO GO UP THE NOSTRILS A LITTLE BIT.

- IT MADE YOU ANGRY, DIDN'T IT? - ANGRY ENOUGH TO KILL?

LOOK, I'LL ADMIT I WASN'T HAPPY.

BUT WHEN I LEFT THE YARD, THE DOG WAS FINE.

DOESN'T LOOK GOOD, MR. H.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO DOG KILLERS IN JAIL?

ESPECIALLY PRETTY ONES LIKE YOU?

OR PRETTY ONES LIKE YOU.

WELL, WHEN I SAY IT, IT'S NOT CREEPY.

YOU JUST ADMITTED YOU WERE IN THE YARD TOO.

- WHO? - YOU!

WH-WHAT?

HIS HEART BEAT FASTER, BUT HIS BRAIN CONTINUED TO RUN AT THE SAME SPEED.

- VAN? - I-I-I WASN'T IN THE YARD.

- I WAS IN THE GARAGE. - NO, YOU WEREN'T.

- HUH? HOW DO YOU KNOW? - BECAUSE I WAS IN THE GARAGE,

WAITING FOR YOU TO COME WORK OUT WITH ME, BUT YOU NEVER SHOWED UP.

MAYBE HE DIDN'T NEED A WORKOUT.

MAYBE HE'D ALREADY BROKEN A SWEAT... BY DIGGING A TEENY, TINY, LITTLE GRAVE.

I DIDN'T GO NEAR THAT DOG.

YOU KNOW, COME TO THINK OF IT, YOU NEVER DID GO NEAR THAT DOG.

WHENEVER WE CAME OVER, YOU LEFT THE ROOM!

WELL, THAT MAY HAVE MORE TO DO WITH YOU.

ADMIT IT. YOU HATED MY LITTLE PRECIOUS!

I DIDN'T HATE THE DOG!

- I WAS SCARED OF IT. - WHAT?

I WAS IN THE YARD, WHISTLING, HAPPY.

AND THEN I HEARD IT.

♪♪

♪♪

NICE DOGGY. NICE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WERE AFRAID OF THAT LITTLE BITTY DOG.

YOU DIDN'T SEE THE RAGE IN HER EYES!

YOU'RE NOT AFRAID OF DOGS. MARY HAS A GERMAN SHEPHERD, AND YOU LOVE THAT DOG.

CHEYENNE, I'M NOT AFRAID OF BIG DOGS.

I'M AFRAID OF LITTLE ONES.

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID, MY PARENTS LET ME WATCH CUJO ON TV,

BUT IT WAS ON A NINE-INCH SCREEN!

THE DOG LOOKED SO SMALL!

IF THEY HAD JUST BOUGHT ME A NORMAL-SIZE TELEVISION,

I WOULD NOT BE LIVING WITH THIS CURSE.

NOT FUNNY!

OKAY. SO IF IT'S NOT ME, IT'S NOT BROCK, IT'S NOT VAN...

AND AGAIN, I SAY NOT ME... THEN WHO CAN IT BE?

ALL I KNOW IS WHEN I WAS ENJOYING MY TIME IN THE TREE HOUSE,

I SAW THE DOG RUN INTO THE GARAGE.

DIDN'T CHEYENNE JUST SAY SHE WAS IN THE GARAGE?

SHE DID. MM-HMM.

CHEYENNE JUST SAID SHE WAS IN THE GARAGE.

I'M GONNA ASK YOU ONE TIME. DID YOU DO SOMETHING TO MY DOG? NO.

I'M GONNA ASK YOU TWO TIMES. NO!

THREE TIMES! THAT'S MY LIMIT! NO!

ALL RIGHT! CHEYENNE, JUST TELL US WHY YOU WERE IN THE GARAGE.

I TOLD YOU, I WAS IN THERE TO WORK OUT WITH VAN...

AS A PART OF OUR NEW HEALTHY LIFESTYLE.

UNTRUE! AFTER I SCAMPERED DOWN THE TREE HOUSE...

AND RAN UP TO THE BEDROOM AND LOCKED THE DOOR,

I SAW YOUR WORKOUT CLOTHES ON THE BED.

AND JUST LAST WEEK, I SAW YOU CHASING THE DOG.

BECAUSE SHE TOOK MY COOKIES. SHE ALWAYS TOOK MY COOKIES.

YOUR COOKIES?

BUT WAIT A MINUTE. THAT WOULD MEAN THAT...

OH, MY DOG!

OKAY.

I WASN'T IN THE GARAGE TO WORK OUT.

I WAS THERE TO DO A VERY BAD THING.

WHERE ARE MY COOKIES? YOU!

I WARNED YOU BEFORE, YOU LITTLE MUTT.

GET YOUR PAWS OFF MY COOKIES. THAT'S IT, YOU FILTHY LITTLE MUTT.

THERE. THESE ARE MY COOKIES, YOU LITTLE MUTT.

YOU ATE THE COOKIES OFF THE GARAGE FLOOR?

OH, CHEYENNE! OH!

DID THE DIET MAKE YOU HUNGRY? HUNGRY ENOUGH TO EAT A SMALL DOG?

SHUT UP, KYRA. LOOK, VAN, I HATE THIS STUPID DIET.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA GET FAT 'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT PLAYING FOOTBALL.

HEY, I AM SENSITIVE ABOUT THIS ISSUE.

LOOK, THE DOG WAS FINE WHEN I LEFT THE GARAGE.

I-I FINISHED THE COOKIES, DID 600 SIT-UPS AND CAME INSIDE.

WELL, THEN, THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON LEFT. KYRA!

ALL RIGHT. I ADMIT IT.

IT WAS ME. AND WHAT HAPPENED WAS THIS.

NOW ETERNAL LIFE WILL BE MINE!

VERY FUNNY, KYRA.

ALTHOUGH IF YOU HAD DONE IT, I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO COOK DINNER.

- OH! - WELL, IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT WAS ANY OF US, BARBRA JEAN.

WELL, YOU CAN ALL MAKE EXCUSES TILL KINGDOM COME.

ALL I KNOW IS THAT SOMEBODY DID SOMETHING TO MY DOG.

JAKE, HONEY, ARE YOU OKAY?

I THINK YOU GUYS BETTER COME OUTSIDE.

- WHY? WHAT IS IT, BUD? - IT'S THE DOG.

- OH, MY GOSH, WHAT HAPPENED? - IT'S KIND OF GROSS.

OH, GOD! BARBRA JEAN, CALM DOWN.

JAKE, TELL US. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DOG?

I THINK HE KILLED A HAWK.

BROQ'S ALIVE!

AWESOME!

ACME!