Original subtitles

Yes, I'm back and ready to begin step two of my plan

to destroy Hamster and Gretel.

I just need to get my hands on the strongest metal in the world, Unbendium.

Fortunately, I had plenty of time

to build this tracking device on my three layovers.

All right.

The Unbendium is just ahead at...

(GASPS) My old high school?

And it's the reunion?

What are the odds?

The one thing I need is at the one place

I'd never want to return

on the one night I'd never want to attend.

Only an idiot or two idiots could have written a situation

so coincidental and yet so dastardly.

(SIGHS) Well, I should probably go get a sensible suit.

So you will be manning the check-in table.

And here is the list of alumni.

Any questions?

Yes. Will my humiliation never cease.

Now, Now, Kevin,

nobody blames you for eh, the incident.

Behold Newton's Third Law Motion.

This new unbreakable display case

will preserve our achievements for years to...

Oh, oh, oh, no, oh.

Well, at least my "Principal Of The Year" award is still intact.

And I'm the guy who destroyed everything the school achieved since forever.

Well, on the bright side, we have a student volunteer for the reunion.

You said I had to do this.

I said you had to volunteer. I'm just gonna sit here

and avoid any more embarrassment.

I'm the king of the reunion.

(AIR HORNS SOUNDING)

And this guy is my son.

Who wants to see some mortifying baby pictures?

Yes. For sure.

Other people's babies look weird.

FRED: What's this?

Dad's old high school yearbook?

He wanted to refresh his memory before the reunion.

Check out young Uncle Dave.

"Dear math, grow up and solve your own problems."

Yeesh. Doing Dad jokes at 18. Tragic.

Have an enchanted evening. Next.

All right, I'm getting close.

Just stay focused.

The Unbendium is directly ahead.

Next. Hello.

Welcome to, uh... Do I know you? You look familiar.

Hmm. You look familiar to me too. But I can't quite place you.

So, we're agreed.

We look familiar to each other.

But we don't know from where.

Hmm.

Well, now that it's out in the open,

we can move past it. Can I have your name, please?

Jack. Jack Ampersand,

Here you are. Go right on in.

Thanks, semi-familiar, kid.

Okay.

Ignore the ghosts of your past.

(BEEPS)

The Unbendium is beneath your very feet.

(BEEPING) (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

Aha! There it is.

Now to clear out these nostalgic nincompoops so I can extract it.

And nobody can stop me from...

Jack! Jack Ampersand! Jack! Jack!

Can I help you?

It's me, Dave Grant.

We had metal shop together, and this is my wife, Carolina.

(GASPING) Is this the Juggling' Jack?

I've heard so much about you.

Please don't let this turn into an embarrassing anecdote.

Even better, a home video.

(TV SWITCHING ON)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

? Juggling' Jack is cool ?

? He juggles all the time ?

? He's the chilliest kid in school ?

? No way he'd turn into a life of crime ?

? Juggling' Jack is fly ?

? He juggles every day ?

? You know him, he's that guy who just puts juggling on his resume ?

? All he wants to do is juggle ?

? He's really such a carefree fellow ?

? To Juggling' Jack it's not a struggle ?

? To keep tossing objects in the air and catching them ?

? While keeping at least one of those said objects in the air at all times ?

? It sounds like a lot but Juggling' Jack ?

? He just stays mellow ? ? Mellow ?

? Yeah he's so mell... ?

JACK: Enough already.

Why did you even bring this?

I am not that Juggling loser anymore.

Hey.

Thanks to an industrial accident that robbed me of my elbows.

Now I only seek to destroy my foes and conquer the world.

Good for you, man.

I'm a property manager and Carolina is a nurse.

Hello, class of... (FEEDBACK)

Whoo, hot mic.

(CHUCKLES, BREATHS DEEPLY)

I'm the class representative, and I'm so excited to see you all here.

Let's start off by shining a spotlight

on our class award winners from back in the day.

First up for Best Hair is Grady Minks.

(ALL APPLAUDING)

Move out of the way, John.

And next up, most likely to stay nice forever,

Juggling' Jack Ampersand.

(ALL APPLAUDING)

No, enough. I don't even go by that name anymore.

I changed. I'm evil now.

It's like my whole thing.

Evil or not, you'll always be the nicest guy we know.

Well, as the nicest guy you know,

I've arranged a diabolical surprise

for all of you out in the parking lot.

So please go there now.

Okay. Well, that's not on the schedule, but...

who am I to question Juggling' Jack?

Let's go, folks.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

The nicest guy they know.

Would a nice guy do this?

(BEEPING)

New plan. Step one, get the Unbendium.

Step three, take over the world.

Step two, destroy the school.

Yes, I sent them out of order for dramatic effect.

Huh, There's a lot of pictures of Dad hanging out with this guy.

Does he look familiar to you?

"To Dave, never change, bro.

"Sincerely Juggling Jack."

Wait a second.

(BOTH SCREAM)

(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)

Hey, Gretel.

Hey, Kevin.

Is everything all right over there?

No, just me stewing in my embarrassment. What's up?

Dad went to high school with this guy named Juggling' Jack.

And we have this crazy theory that it's Professor Exclamation.

No, I've been here all night and I haven't seen anything diabolical.

I can't wait to see what Juggling Jack's diabolical surprise is.

On second thought, you guys should probably get over here. Now.

All right, you guys go kick butt.

Uh... Yeah, I'll just sit on mine.

Eureka!

I've found the Unbendium!

Stop, Stop!

What are you doing?

I'm mining a rare metal

as part of my complex plan to take over the world.

Oh, and destroying, my old high school.

You know, for catharsis.

I'm not sure that's what catharsis means.

Look, vaguely-familiar kid.

I'm doing you a favor.

If you're older, you won't want to remember

all the embarrassing moments in this place.

Trust me.

But it's not all bad.

I mean, destroying the trophy case was Pretty bad, but...

That was you?

I don't want to talk about it.

You brought it up.

The point is, is that I already have lots of great memories.

My friends. The girl I like.

I'm sure deep down there's something about this place

that you cherish, too.

Nope.

(COUGHS)

Professor Exclamation!

Gretel! Hamster! How did you... That's where I know you from.

You're the skinny, awkward one who saved her from my evil army of robots.

You're her brother.

That's right. He's my big brother, Kevin.

Maybe give less personal details to the evil scientist who wants to destroy us.

Now that I have that very useful information,

I'll take my Unbendium and go peacefully.

My laser-guided homing drills, however, will not be so peaceful.

Farewell, Hamster, Gretel and Ca- Calvin?

His name's Kevin.

What did I just say?

AUTOMATED VOICE: Extraction resumed.

Good-bye.

For now.

(SCREAMS, PANTS)

(GRUNTS)

KEVIN: We can't shake 'em, they're locked on to us

It's been 17 minutes.

Where is Juggling Jack's diabolical surprise?

Doesn't diabolical mean like bad?

Well in our generation, bad meant good.

Gretel! Ah! (GASPS)

(SCREAMS)

Gretel we have to stop these drills.

If we don't, they'll' wreck the whole school.

Trying. They're stronger than anything we put in front of them.

We gotta get them outside. (SCREAMS)

Fly me up!

HAMSTER: Is there a plan besides running away?

Yes. Whoa!

I have a plan. One side involves Euclidean geometry.

Look out! And intersecting points.

Could you try talking like you're talking to a grade schooler,

which you are.

Just toss me up and go long.

(SCREAMS)

Are those fear screams or excitement screams?

A bit of both, I think. Ole!

Okay, you guys, meet me in the middle again.

Gretel!

(ALL CHEERING)

Now that's diabolical.

And by that, I mean bad. Which means good. (CROWD CLAPPING)

Well, that's one high school experience I'll never forget.

It looks like Professor Exclamation got away.

On the plus side, me destroying the trophy case doesn't seem as bad anymore.

And we saved the school.

Kind of.

Hey, why did Professor Exclamation come back?

And what was that weird metal stuff under the gym?

Unbendium. I'm not sure what it is,

but I'm sure it's part of his plan

to take over the world.

(BOTH GASP)

Are those cocktail weenies?

Excellent.

With the Unbendium in my control,

my diabolical plan is almost complete.

Just one more item and I will I finally have my revenge.

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

? Hamster and Gretel ?

? It's Hamster... ?

? Hamster and Gretel ?

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