Original subtitles

Tell me what to do.

I'm so fucking angry. I'm so fucking mad.

- Marla-- - I'm so mad. I'm so angry.

Give it time.

Give it time. Give it time.

I don't want to pick it up.

It's not gonna be okay.

I want to kill her.

I'm worried about you.

You're my sister.

I can't find Mom anywhere.

Marla, you need to go back.

What happened to your mother?

Where were you when it happened?

I haven't slept for 156 hours.

I'm not tired, but I am.

- I have PTSD... - Marla.

...from something.

Or I'm schizophrenic and paranoid.

At least that's what my doctor told me,

or some doctor told me.

You're schizophrenic and paranoid.

That may or may not be true.

I don't know if this is now

or somewhere in between when it happened.

Marla. Marla.

In limbo.

Just my expertise.

- You seem to be-- - Far gone.

Perhaps this is the beginning.

Mmm.

You fucked up.

I told you not to get mixed up with the wrong crowd,

and now look at you.

Fucked!

Mm-mm. No. No. Stop.

Resistance!

Why are you here, man?

I need my stuff.

I need to get out of here. I can't stay here anymore.

They're coming for me.

You want to make problems, blame yourself,

and get caught for nothing.

Right? Right?

Right.

You better stop before I ask you to leave.

I know you don't have anywhere else to go.

It's in your head.

Oh, fuck, dude.

My mother's dead.

It's all a blank.

It's all scrambled, missing pieces of information.

It feels like it's my fault.

Wanna watch a movie?

This shitbag right here is my best friend.

Hard to tell.

But everything I see lately is so fucked up...

I wouldn't be surprised if this was not true either.

I can't seem to sleep

and I can't seem to wake up.

I'll be out of here by morning.

We had our winner call in

and now it's time for the facts.

The ancient Egyptians believed

that mirages are the ghosts of objects in places

that once existed in reality

that have already disappeared.

All right, come back home!

You're a good girl.

Don't forget that.

Marla...

Marla.

Here.

This will be fun.

Just like in the movies.

The Old West.

See that point right over there?

You can get there without your training wheels.

Yeah? You gonna show me?

-Yeah. -Okay.

And when you get there...

shoot 'em up.

Yeah?

Okay.

Go, Marla, go!

You're almost there!

Yeah, Marla!

Shoot 'em up!

It's possible and it's not possible

that it didn't happen this way.

This looks familiar.

This was before my mom died.

Got water out back. A range.

-Why do you need a gun? -Protection.

Shitty people.

You never know what's gonna happen.

Hmm. Been there.

Everybody needs protection.

This world's a goddamn hellhole.

I think you've had this one before.

It's more of a classic.

House price, 70 bucks.

I think I killed my mother with this gun.

Yeah.

We all feel that way sometimes.

Paranoia sets in.

Now.

The best way to keep people away

is to look hurt or sick.

No one will approach you.

They're too afraid of anything past the normal state of human,

which is usually neutral.

And don't smile in public.

If there's anything I've learned,

it's not to share that kind of weapon with leeches.

They leap like leopards only to steal your light.

Oh, fuck.

The moment you walked in...

I knew it was you.

Special kind of lady.

I'm alone.

He probably knew that.

I did.

The goal is to escape, to run.

It hurts more than it feels better.

How do I get out of here?

You've already disappeared.

I can't sleep.

I'm good here.

Right?

Alone.

Housekeeping.

No, I'm-- I'm okay. Thank you.

Hello?

No. No.

What the fuck?

I don't have all day.

Yes. Yes.

My God.

Your eyes.

Are you tired? What-- what happened?

You know, I know you didn't knock the door down for my eyes.

What do you want?

-Maybe some towels? -No.

-No, I really don't need-- -Conditioner?

-I don't need anything. -Soap?

You can leave.

I don't need anything

and I don't need any help.

-So, please go. -Wow.

You are so mean, Nena.

You know my mother used to tell me that?

She used to tell me that I was worthless,

that I was uneducated, and that nobody liked me

and nobody liked it when I was around.

And now she's--

she's dead.

And, um...

and I...

I can't-- I can't-- I can't remember.

I just...

I can't remember...

what I did wrong.

I'm so sorry.

I understand.

Take this.

You need to take care of yourself.

You need to rest.

Look what you've done.

You need to learn how to talk, Marla.

Speak up for yourself.

Here.

I can't drink milk.

It's just one simple thing, Marla.

I told you I can't drink milk.

Makes you upset to repeat yourself.

No, it makes me upset that you can't hear me.

That's good.

Stop looking at me like that, Marla.

What do you want?

You don't even have a family.

You're alone.

Your sister has a family.

You? What are you?

Still trying to hang on.

No one likes it when you're around.

You need to look at your life, Marla.

Why have you put yourself in this position?

There must be a reason.

When you're alone, you have no one.

I don't feel safe here.

Goddamn it!

I don't feel safe here.

Look what you just did.

I don't feel safe here.

Look at that mess.

Well, go ahead. Walk on it.

Do it.

I don't feel safe here.

No, Mom.

What did you say to me?

Walk!

-Walk! -No!

Walk! Do it!

I don't feel safe here.

I don't feel safe here.

Wake up.

Wake up.

Wake up.

Right there.

Mom?

I just wanted to call...

to see if you were doing all right.

And I wanted to say that I was sorry.

I'm sorry.

Will you please forgive me?

Marla?

-Hello? -This is the police.

Marla, your mother is dead.

On the night it happened, you were there.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

We have reason to believe you are at fault.

I couldn't reach it.

You have caused harm.

I didn't do it!

You seem to be the problem.

I didn't do it!

You can't keep deceiving us, Marla.

I wouldn't kill my mother!

It's easier to face the truth.

I didn't mean it.

Marla Dayton,

we have a few questions for you about your mother.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Mom?

Why do we have to lock the door?

Sometimes I lock it because I need to be alone.

It's always right up here.

Please help me. I don't know how I got here.

I don't know how this happened, but I don't have any--

I'm sorry. Please don't leave me.

You're all I have.

Please help me.

Come on, Marla.

Don't read that now.

It just says I'll be with you forever.

Always.

I'm the kind of person...

who doesn't know when to stop.

But when you don't want to know who you are...

...you'll run as far as you can to disappear.

Up for a good old time?

Come on down to Donna's Ranch in Texas.

Our girls are the real deal and a hoot of a good time.

Come on down.

I like this place because...

the connections I share here with some of the people, like...

it's special and...

there's love in it, you know?

-Hello. -Hi.

You see my boss here? He's a special client.

He's got specific wants.

Specific needs.

I just want to make sure his needs can be met here.

Okay.

What do you say, pretty lady?

Are you available?

Sure.

Well...

what should we do first?

Anything you'd like to do, sir.

That's good.

I'd like to

talk to you a little bit.

Would you lie to me?

Sure.

If you'd like me to.

If it makes it better.

No, no, no. Forget it. Never mind.

This is not gonna work. Go-- go away. Go away from me.

-What is it? -Go away!

I can do anything you'd like

if it pleases you.

Are you serious about that?

About pleasing?

Why don't you sit down on that chair?

Right now, this second...

how is it that you feel?

I don't share that.

I-- I can't share that with you.

You share your body willingly.

I can't share that with you. I don't share that.

Listen, I have more money.

I-- I can pay you more money.

I-- I can't.

Nothing at all?

I don't feel anything.

Whatever is going on inside you, you feel it there anyway.

You're just-- you're just not aware of it now.

I don't feel anything.

Feel.

-Please. -Feel.

-Stop. -Feel, describe it to me.

Feel something.

Please, stop.

Feel everything!

I don't feel anything.

Feel.

I feel scared.

-Feel. -I feel scared.

Feel!

And alone.

You're guilty.

But where...

does it come from?

It's a sadness deep in my core...

saying I cannot be loved.

Good.

That's so good.

That's so good.

All right, now is the time to call in,

WWZ, Name That Tune

and win tickets to the state county fair.

Third caller gets it.

The Boswell Sisters.

Yes, that is right. You are going to the fair.

-You are the winner. -What?

Let's hear it, pick up your tickets at WWZ.

-You're kidding me? -Let's hear it for her, folks.

Thank you. Thank you.

Now, here's a little tune to bring it back.

Why don't you let us help you?

You're going the wrong way.

What are you doing here?

Marla, where are you?

We have a few questions for you.

Stop! Stop now.

I'm stopped.

Now.

We understand you may be on the loose

and losing your mind.

Sure. Maybe.

I don't know.

That's fine, Marla.

-We've been trying to find you. -We found you.

Okay.

I don't, um-- uh-- What do you want?

To bring you back.

-Take you. -Back.

Am I being arrested?

Well, if you want to be rested...

we can take you in to get looked at.

-Seen. -With eyes.

I don't want to go back anywhere with anyone.

We're here to confuse you. I mean, question you.

Your prints are everywhere.

You were there.

The night it happened.

No, no. I left.

I thought you couldn't remember.

-I can only remember pieces. -What pieces?

Why are you seeing things?

I don't know! I don't know.

You have the right to remain quiet.

All you say or do will be used against you.

You need to come.

I don't feel safe here.

You need to accept this, Marla.

How it is.

How I am.

Let me go.

What the fuck?

No way.

Can I come in?

It's good to see you.

You okay?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm good.

I'm good, uh, other than the fact

that I feel like I'm living in a goddamn limbo

and I can't get out and I don't know

if there is going to be a beginning or an end

or if this is even...

real.

I'm groovy.

Shit. Yes. The cookies.

I made shit special.

You are not real right now.

Does this look real to you?

Does this feel real to you?

You are not real right now.

You are not real right now.

This is not real right now. What?

I look like a damn dream.

Thank you.

Seems like someone is chasing you.

It feels that way.

It's okay to let that shit go.

When did you become so...

Old?

Yeah.

I just got tired, you know?

It's like life is just too fucking long

to be scared of shit.

Yeah.

You don't have to be afraid.

I just feel so wrong...

for not feeling okay.

You feel weird for not feeling okay?

Yeah. Yeah, that's normal.

Marla? Marla.

Marla, hey, hey. Where are we? Where are we?

What are we thinking? Marla?

There she is. Oh!

Fuck, yes!

Yeah! There she is!

Fuck yeah.

Do you still have my childhood tapes?

Yeah, it's all memories though.

Do you wanna watch a movie?

Do you have to keep going away?

It's kind of hard to love you when you leave.

Give me a break.

You were there.

I'm so mad. I'm so angry.

You were there.

I told you I wouldn't tell you what happened.

I told the cops you weren't involved.

We have our story.

I don't understand. You have to tell them.

You have to tell them what happened.

They think I did it.

You have to tell them what happened.

Well, I can't.

Why not?

Because I just know how it ended.

I walked in.

Your mother was on the floor.

And you told me...

"I didn't mean to do it."

No.

No.

Stop, no. Stop.

It's okay. It's okay.

-Okay. It's okay, Marla. -No, no, no, no, no.

I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything.

I didn't do it. I didn't do anything.

I don't understand.

It's not your fault.

Police are on their way, Marla.

They know where you are.

Did you really think you could get away?

Don't come close to me.

Don't be that way.

Don't run from your mistakes.

-You're gonna hurt me. -I wanna talk to you, Marla.

Stop. Don't come any closer.

I'm sorry! Don't touch me!

I'm sorry! I didn't want you to die!

You don't feel safe here.

Thanks for letting me know.

I'm sorry.

What would you like to do now?

Now that you know this?

Now that you know you aren't safe?

I'm not sure what's happening.

We kid ourselves a lot.

It's a way of living,

repeating cycles of past wounds.

But it says here you don't seem to like it.

And what would you like to do now?

Now that you know this?

No one stays.

Uh, it says here, um, you're running.

You're running away from something?

You think you killed your mother.

I did.

What you have is shame.

This blocks everything new from happening in your life.

Love, especially.

Viewing through shame stops all forward motions.

Change.

I can't sleep.

You've been asleep.

It's time to wake up.

You're right on time

if you choose to let it be right.

You have to find out where it all came from,

then you must stop it from repeating.

That seems like a lot.

Oh, you-- you've already begun.

It's time to finish it.

Your prescription.

Undo all that's been done.

How the fuck?

Oh, through here.

Marla, your grandmother passed away

while you were at camp.

I was gonna call her.

All right, stop it, would you?

-You're upsetting me. -Sorry.

-Stop it. -I'm sorry.

Marla, pull yourself together.

Are you okay?

What day is it?

Everything's going to be fine.

I'm glad mom is gone.

More tea?

I don't remember it being this way.

Didn't you want it to?

We will take care of everything tomorrow.

How are you so calm?

Are you questioning me?

After everything?

I'm trying to talk to you.

I'm trying to...

be here with you.

I don't understand.

Yeah, well, it's really hard to help you, Marla.

Why?

I'm trying to talk to you.

You think you don't belong anywhere,

but I'm right here trying,

but you don't see it.

You don't want to be let in.

Why?

I don't-- I don't get it. Why is it so hard to help?

You need to go, Marla.

Stop looking at me like our mother. I'm not her.

You're not her.

You need to go, Marla. Your time is up here.

It's safe here.

Wanna eat, love?

That's fucking gross.

I like coming here, dude.

Dude.

Enjoy one day, yeah?

Okay.

Marla, stop.

Oh, you just want me to stop?

We all have to live in the real world, right?

We all have to bounce back and go to work,

do the same shit we do every day.

But not you. No, right?

Just throw your little fucking tantrum.

Like, what do you want right now?

Just fuck you.

Are you done?

You've been dealing with this same shit your entire life.

-Can you stop? Please? -Fuck you.

Do you think that this just stops?

That everything just goes back to the way it was...

and that nothing is wrong?

You know what happens here in this one?

You get mad and you leave.

So, why don't you change it?

Now that I'm still here, Marla...

now what?

It doesn't really fit the old story, does it?

Feels a little bit worse than the worst shit ever.

It's 'cause you're not used to love, Marla.

We're trying to help you.

And the only way you're gonna get through this

is if you see that.

I really wish you could see it.

I just want to go home.

Where is home to you?

Shh. I got the key.

Now we can lock it...

so she can't get in.

And what does home look like to you?

Create it.

Create a place

that you can go...

for only you and no one else to know.

Don't ever leave me.

Don't ever leave me.

I'll never forget my mother's face

when she got released from the hospital.

She was smiling.

She was calm.

She had this aura around her...

like she was finally free.

And again! And again!

I'm proud of you, Marla.

Proud of everything you've done.

You're a good girl.

Don't forget that.

Okay?

What has happened before.

Where are we going?

Um...

I don't know.

Hmm, so you're some kind of nihilist.

No, I'm not some kind of nihilist.

I'm not a nihilist.

I'm not a nihilist. I'm-- I'm-- I just-- I don't--

Where are you going?

Well, I'm a nihilist, so I have no idea.

Really?

-You're a nihilist? Okay. -That's right.

- Guilty as charged. - ...oldies but...

You like this?

Keep on listening for a chance to win

-tickets to your county fair. -The radio?

It's just a station announcer.

I know. I like him.

You can have this if you want.

-Really? -Yeah.

-What is it? -I don't know.

Never know when you'll need it.

You're just gonna give it to me?

Yeah, why not?

You deserve something nice.

I'm so happy right now.

I need to go back.

I need to go back, I need to go back

so I can tell him that I can see it clearly now.

If you could take it all back...

you wouldn't know what you know now.

Come back! Come back! Don't go.

Don't go. Don't.

I'm all alone.

Help me.

Help me.

-Wake up. -Sleep.

You would need to go to sleep to wake up.

What are you protecting by being this way?

I couldn't save her.

Are you not worth saving yourself?

I just want to understand.

She forgot we needed her.

Figure, why eat alone?

Is it good?

-In a rush? -I don't have to go.

I-- I just didn't really know what this was.

Why would you? It just started.

I'm happy to see you, Marian.

We're not really here right now.

I was gonna say.

It's funny, it's...

it's like you want it to be the same.

You want a lift?

Come on, Marla!

Sorry about our mother.

She was sick.

How did you feel about her?

I feel like she was a woman who was never heard in her pain.

It happens.

No one deserves it, it's just...

we don't know what to do with all that weight.

Don't read that now.

It just says "I'll be with you forever.

Always."

I don't want you to go.

You left.

I had to go.

It hurts too much.

I share your pain.

We have the same mother.

Tell me what I did wrong

so I can change.

Those people that want you to change,

they're not around anymore.

This was you then.

I believed myself.

I wanted connection.

-What kind of connection? -The kind a mother gives.

And now?

I realize I never learned what that looked like.

Do you now?

Please don't go. Don't go. Please.

It's time, Marla.

And what if everything could be different now?

Everything is different now.

Everything is different.

Now.

It's safe here.

I'm just so sad.

What's wrong?

I don't know what to do anymore.

It's okay.

Are you okay?

I'm okay.

Where can we go?

Can we go anywhere?

What do you like?

I don't know.

What do you like?

I don't know.

It's nice to just relax.

I like you.

You're cool.

I like you, too.

What did you have for dinner last night?

Nothing.

-What did you have? -Nothing.

Why not?

I just-- when I'm scared...

I don't feel hungry anymore.

I forget to eat.

How about from now on...

you get to do whatever you want?

You deserve great things. Okay?

Don't listen to anybody else.

And you deserve to smile and to laugh

and be unafraid.

No one's ever gonna stop you.

Okay?

Anything?

Anything I want?

Anything.

You know what I like?

What?

I like to dream.

Why does it hurt?

I don't want to feel unlovable anymore.

I want to feel like I'm able to be loved.

I love you. You're more than this.

I see the real you.

What did you need someone to say?

It's not your fault! It's not your fault!

It's not your fault.

What will you tell me?

Are you okay, honey?

What happened?

Is there anything you need?

Anything? Anything at all?

I need to call my friend.

Everything's gonna be all right.

You're gonna be fine, love.

Marla!

Are you real right now?

Yeah, I'm motherfucking real.

You're real? This is real?

-Yes. -No.

Please believe it.

-I'm sorry. -It's okay. It's okay.

Like a rapper with no chain, like an April with no rain.

It just works.

We're friends.

Yeah.

Wanna talk?

Now here's a little tune to bring you back.

Yeah.

Uh, Marla?

I think we're supposed to go to there.

You know what?

That is what I'm seeing. That is what it is.

That's a phone booth in the middle of the road.

Right? That is what I'm seeing.

That's messed up, right?

I don't know who I am anymore.

I don't really know either,

but I think I'm starting to get it.

Yeah.

We always have been sort of, like, nuts,

so, what's fun?

You gotta go, Marla. You gotta go.

It's, like, the only way to deal with all of this.

And what if I don't come back?

I'll come get you.

You're not alone, Marla.

We're all made of dark parts.

Just gotta try and face them.

You got this.

Go.

Nice of you to show up.

Hey.

Open your gift.

Happy birthday.

Hi, Mom.

This is for you.

Thanks, Mom.

I had one just like it when I was a kid.

It's beautiful.

Mm-hmm.

I thought you would like it.

Let me see it.

Marla, put it down.

Mom, it's-- it's okay. She can hold it.

Put that down. It's your sister's.

-Goddamn it! -I-- I--

-Look what you just fucking did? -Mom!

Try to have one nice night.

-I'll pick it up. I'm sorry. -Yeah. Pick it up.

Pick it up right now. Do it.

-Pick it up! -Stop it.

-Pick it up! -Stop it! Stop it!

Mom! You're hurting her!

I don't care about hurting her.

She should see how it feels for once.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

What's wrong with you?

Jesus Christ.

I'm not coming back here.

Well, no one wants you here anyway, so...

You're not fit to be a fucking mother.

Tell me what to do.

I don't know what to do. I'm so fucking angry.

- I'm so fucking mad. - Marla.

I'm so mad. I'm so angry.

She's not gonna be okay. I need to go back there.

Please give it time. Please?

I told her I hated her.

Give it time. Give it time.

Give it time.

Okay?

Okay?

I don't want to pick it up.

Rest. Come on, come on.

Come on, come on. Come on, come on, come on.

I want to kill her.

-Rest. -I have to go back there.

Rest.

I have to go back.

I have to go back there.

I can't find Mom anywhere.

I'm worried about you.

You're my sister.

Marla, you need to go back there.

I don't feel safe here. I don't feel safe here.

I'll be right back.

Mom!

Mom!

Mom, Mom, please, stop.

-Marla! -Mom, stop!

Marla! Stop it.

Mom, please.

What are you doing? Let me go.

I want you to hear me. I want you to hear me.

Leave it alone. Stop trying.

I need you to hear me. I need you to hear me.

I love you. I need you to hear that.

Please. Can you hear me?

Mom, please. I don't want you to go.

I really don't want you to go.

Will you accept this?

How it is...

how it was, how I am.

This has nothing to do with you.

Nothing to do with you.

Do you hear me?

Let me go.

Mom?

Mom?

Mom?

Open the door, Mom.

Mom?

I'm really sorry.

I'm--

I'm really sorry.

Are you okay?

I'm really sorry...

for-- for everything I said.

I didn't mean it.

I just want to tell you something.

-I don't-- -Shh.

Shh.

This has nothing to do with you.

Let go.

Shh, shh.

This has nothing to do with you.

Let go.

Mom?

Mom!

Mom!

Mom? Mom!

Mom! Mom!

Mom.

Mom.

Mom.

Mom. Mom.

Mom. Mom.

Mom.

Marla?

You don't belong here.

Come on.

Can we go home now?

When I was little

I used to hide when I was scared.

I would close my eyes...

and I'd be safe.

I used to imagine...

going to watch the moon tap dance.

I would sit there and be safe.

There is no wrong place to be.

I think I wanna choose living.

Is that me?

Facing it all. Trying.

It'll be worth it.

I'm sorry I didn't know sooner.

In life,

there are so many memories

to choose from.

Bad and good.

I'll never forget this.

I promise you.

I will always take you with me.