All language subtitles for Dancer.And.The.Dame.2015.BLURAY.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]

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This is a story about

how a whole lot of wrong
can make a right.

Hey, the Icee machine's broke!

And I know what you're thinking.

Who is this
handsome looking superhero.

Well, that's me, Rick Dancer.

Back at this time,

I wasn't what you'd call
a ray of sunshine.

Come on, I gotta have
my cherry Icee.

Hey, it's probably
just the breaker.

Flip the switch.

Hey, flip the switch!

Yo, the fuse box behind you.

Sorry old guy, I'm busy
watching a cat video.

Oh, my--

You're gonna make me go
an extra 4 blocks for an Icee

just 'cause you're
too lazy to flip a switch?

Put the phone away.

Dude!

See, this is the problem
with your entire generation.

You're a bunch of lazy,
diluted, narcissists.

This ain't even
your phone, is it?

Admit it,
you're on your mom's plan.

Your life is too soft.

What's the worst thing that's
gonna happen to you today? Huh?

Slow WiFi?

Oh, all the good usernames
are gone, huh?

Your generation plays sports
on a game console.

You were never spanked.

You think you make friends
on Facebook.

You're afraid of gluten!

Sorry man, I just-

I've been going through a lot
of stuff lately and I-okay.

Audrey, where's
my ballistics report?

Harrier, you'll get it
when I get it.

These are some of the folks
that I work with,

like those two,
Harrier and Spitz.

Pretty sure
they share one brain.

You know who
I think's a real hottie?

I'm listening.

The green M&M.

You mean the candy
in the commercial?

Hot!

That's Audrey.

She's been on my team
for as long as I've been a cop.

I helped get her brother
out of a gang

and she's looked out for me
ever since.

What happened to you as a child,

'cause you got a sick mind.

Really, I wanna know.

I'm as normal as the next guy.

You wanna marry
a piece of candy!

All right, all right.

Listen up, boys and girls.

This is the new kid,
Jack Russel,

up from Morganza.

Show him around and play nice.

Captain Murray is wound tighter
than a 2-dollar watch,

but he saved my bacon

when Internal Affairs
wanted me off the force.

Briard, find him a desk.

Welcome to the pit.

What do you say there?
My name's Briard, robbery.

Welcome to the desk.

So, where is he?

Who?

You know, the man, Rick Dancer,

from the '09 Slidell bust?

He took out six guys
with five shots.

Come on, in the Academy

they talk about this guy
like he's Batman.

Well, these days he's more like
Batman's out-of-shape butler.

See for yourself.

That's Rick Dancer?

What happened to him?

You ever hear of Eric Skanz?

Of course, I went to school
on a scholarship he sponsored.

Dancer gets it in his head
that Skanz is running guns.

He's obsessed.

I mean, he won't
leave Skanz alone.

Breaks into some of his
businesses looking for guns.

Without a shred of evidence.

Then he goes to the newspapers

accusing Skanz
of weapons trafficking.

The papers make Dancer
look like a complete nut job.

The whole thing gives
the department a black eye.

He gives up on life,
gains 89 pounds,

finding solace
in doughnuts and Icees.

Now Captain Murray
keeps him alive

by letting him
push files around.

Which reminds me, where is
my ballistics report, Audrey?

Hey Dancer,
Harrier wants to know

where his ballistics report is.

What'd you do, eat it?

You can't run
a ballistics report

on a shotgun shell, genius.

See, our guys in the lab, they
cover nine different precincts,

so they don't have time to
write "Pinhead" on your request.

You getting
smart with me, Dancer?

How would you know?

Just deliver
your packages, Santa.

You know what?
I will,

and if you're a good boy
this year, I'll stop by

and I'll drop a couple
Scooby Doos in your stocking,

help you pick up some tips
on being a good detective.

Keep talking, Dancer.

You know what I mean?
You ever see that?

They follow the clues,
and then they solve the crime.

And one clue leads to the next,

and then when
they solve the mystery,

they get a Scooby Snack!

You know what, Dancer?

You better shut your mouth
right now.

Why, what's gonna happen?

The Kitchen, great soul food
run by my friends,

the Bassett family.

I've known 'em for years.

The cornbread is habit-forming.

I will have-

One order of hot links,
a side of okra and tomatoes,

a side of red beans and rice.

Same thing every Tuesday and
Thursday for the last 5 years.

Tell me something, Dancer.

Why's a Yankee like you
eating so much soul food?

Because I need soul.

Ooh, well you gotta
feed it to keep it.

Kenny!
Wait a minute, Kenny.

Wait! Kenny!

Don't you turn your back on me
when I'm talking to you.

Mom, tell Pops it's okay.

I'm just going to
see my friends.

Man, your friends
are a bunch hoodlums.

You have a gift, Kenny.

Don't throw it away
like that son, please.

I know what I'm doing.

Their son Kenny:
smart, ambitious kid.

He was into something dangerous

and I had a bad feeling
in my gut about it.

Or, maybe it was just too
much cornbread, but I doubt it.

How you doing, Kenny?

Kenny, you come
back here. Kenny!

Is there a problem,
Mr. Bassett?

I should've dug in to find out
what was going on with Kenny.

Instead, I was
having a pity party,

and the only thing
keeping me from that

was clever television.

This week on
"Housewives of Miami."

I know I've made mistakes,
but I own up to them.

We are gonna give Diane the best
bachelorette party of all time!

You know, I think
I'm gonna take Ed back.

You have to do
what you think is best.

What? Ed cheated on you
with her!

Local news.

Millionaire philanthropist
Eric Skanz announced plans

to demolish an unused warehouse

and donate the land for the
development of a halfway house

for troubled teens.

The dedication is planned
for later this week.

Skanz.

Long ago, I tried to collar him
and came up empty.

I knew he was rotten.

But at this point, to be honest,
I just didn't care.

Now, I didn't know it then,

but I wasn't the only cop
down in the dumps that night.

Boss'll be here any second.

Let's move.

I thought the plan was
to wait 'til morning?

Plans change.

In that case, I'll see your bet
and raise you $500.

- He's bluffing.
- He's cheating.

Or you just don't know
who it is you're playing with.

Princess, to me.

Good girl.

Okay, dirtbag.
Tell me, who's your boss?

My boss...

is right behind you.

No, Princess! No!

The next day,
everything changed.

What's tough about life
is it takes something drastic

for most people to wake up,

and this is what it took for me.

What is this?

So, which gang
does your son belong to?

He wasn't with any gang.
What are you talking about?

He was a good kid.

I take it you're
the victim's girlfriend?

Victim?
His name is Kenny.

Hey, excuse me.

What's going on?

It's called police work, Dancer.
You're in the way.

Come on, Spitz.
These people are my friends.

All right, this is what I got.

Vic's name
is Kenny Bassett, age 17.

No, I know who he is.

I coached his little league
baseball team.

What happened?

He's in a coma
at St. Francis.

He was attacked
in the parking lot

of Tequila's nightclub.

It looks gang related.

Where'd you get
this gang thing from, man?

No, no, no, no, he's not
in a gang; he's a good kid.

He's got posters
of Steve Jobs on his wall.

We're following up.
We talked to the family.

We gave this whole place
a once over.

There's nothing.

That's all I know.

Partner.

What's wrong with him?

Mr. Bassett,
I am so sorry.

I wish you had
said something to me.

Maybe I could've helped.

You don't help
anyone anymore, Dancer.

You gave up.

Well technically,
until the kid croaks,

this ain't even a homicide,
so we don't need to be here.

You hungry?

Yeah.

If I hadn't been
feeling sorry for myself,

I could've prevented this.

I decided right then, I was
gonna be a detective again.

Kenny had a computer room
in the back of the store.

He did the books
for his parents,

but I was guessing that
there was a clue back there

that might help find
another clue,

that might help find
another clue, that might-

well, you get the idea.

Okay.

And why isn't this one
on, Kenny?

What have we here?

I am very clever.

Hey, kid.

Hey, come here a sec.

Shawna, right?

Hey.

Hi, I'm Rick Dancer.
I'm a friend of the Bassetts.

Listen, I'm really sorry
about Kenny.

Yeah, he said you
helped his grandfather

when you were a policeman.

Oh, well, I still am.

That's a really cool necklace.

Did Kenny give that to you?

It's an S for Shawna.

Oh, do you know where he got it?

No.

You don't really think
Kenny got hurt in a fight?

Not really, no.

Me neither.

Kenny's serious
about his future.

He writes computer programs
for big companies.

Really?
Which company?

It was all, like, top secret.

I should get back
to the hospital

and be there when he wakes up.

Okay.
Hey, hang on.

I'm gonna give you
my number, okay?

And if you can think of
anything, please call me.

Just like in the movies.
See you later.

You're not going to believe
who called here looking for you.

Halle Berry again?

That woman
just can't take a hint.

Billy Mutz.

Mutz? I haven't used him
in like 5 years.

Said he's got something for you,

to meet him
at Tequila's tonight.

So an old informant of mine

shows up out of nowhere
with a hot tip

purely out of the goodness
of his own heart?

Yeah, it stinks, Dancer.
Stay away.

Don't worry, Audrey.
Not going near the place.

Okay, excuse me.
Hi, how are you?

Used to have
that same hair color.

It's lovely.

Aw girls, call your fathers.

Hi, how are you?

Okay, all right, on two.
There you go, I'm through.

Okay, hi.

You look too normal
to be in here.

You didn't try.
Effort, effort.

Hi. How long
you been dead?

Okay.

You are the whole package.
Very nice.

Loved you in "The Avengers."

Hey, I'm looking for
a guy named Billy Mutz.

Hey, Twilight!

Billy Mutz?

No?

How about this kid,
Kenny Bassett?

You seen him?

I'm not playing your game, cop.

Oh, you're not playing my game.

Okay, how about
we play a game called,

"Here's what's gonna happen

if you don't give me
the information I want."

I'm gonna call my buddy,
the health inspector.

He's gonna come down here

and go over this place
with a microscope and a Q-tip.

And what do you bet he
finds more bacteria in here

than in an outhouse
at the chili cookout?

Then I'm gonna
have the cops come in

and raid the place
on a hourly basis

and bust anybody with
so much as a stale Tic Tac.

And then, to put the cherry
on top of the cake,

I'm gonna let all
your little buddies here

know what good friends
we are, like this.

Hey, it's so good to see you!

We'll be over Sunday after I
get off work at the precinct.

Your mom making that pot roast?

I love that pot roast.

All right!
What do you wanna know?

I wanna know why this kid
got the snot kicked out of him

in your parking lot.

I don't know.

Two big guys came in here
the other night

and they dragged him outside.

The guy down there,
he saw the whole thing.

Oh, he's running.

See, now I gotta chase-
I hate chasing people.

Take a bath.

Hey, you can't be back here.

Ow! That was
completely inappropriate!

I just wanna have
a conversation.

Good, you're still here.
Now look--

Ow.

Oh, you little punk.

Something was definitely off.

And when it doesn't feel right,
I trust my gut and call a pro.

That way, you know you're safe.

- Well?
- No bomb.

- Did you check the ignition?
- Yep.

- The break pedal?
- Yes.

- Gas tank?
- Yes, Dancer.

Did you check the mudguards?

Yes, Dancer!
I checked the mudguards, okay?

Would you please stop
telling me how to do my job?

Both mudguards?

You know when was the last time
I had a car blow up on me? Huh?

Never!

Mutz set me up.

Look, I've been sitting behind
that desk for awhile now,

but it's pretty clear

somebody doesn't
want me asking questions.

I don't want you
asking questions.

And if Eric Skanz finds out,
we'll both be looking for work.

That was the deal we made.

- I didn't make that deal.
- I saved your job!

You call this a job?

Wanna get smart with me?

You want me to file something?

I'm getting real good
with the alphabet.

Knock it off.

I'm gonna need a car.

Go sign out an unclaimed
from impound.

Kenny Bassett had this on him.

That's Skanz's corporate logo.

Let me ask some questions!

No, we are not talking
about Eric Skanz again!

And I didn't see that.

I snooped around for 2 minutes

and someone blew up my car.

What do you want me to do,

sit behind my desk
until they get bored?

Yes.

You wanna go after Skanz again?

You're sick.

Everything they say
about you out there is true.

When are you gonna get it

through that
bucket head of yours

that I can't
cover for you anymore?

You do this, you go alone.

This time, I'm covering me.

I've got a family
and a pension to protect.

What's this?

It's an order for duty eval.

Oh come on!
A shrink?

Tony, give me a break!

I just did.

Right.

Right.

That necklace was my
only shot to break this case,

but I couldn't spot the angle.

I'd been out of the game
for too long and was rusty.

Kenny was in the hospital,
my car had been blown up,

and I'd been ordered
to see a shrink.

Captain Murray was
sweeping it under the rug.

I had to figure out why.

Hi, I'm Rick Dancer.

I'm a detective.

Whatever, listen.

Is Dr. Nicole Jackson here?

Ruby, don't answer
the door to strangers!

Detective Dancer?

Come on in.

No strangers.

Please excuse
the informal setting.

They're still making space
for me over at the precinct.

So, as you
probably already know,

the purpose of a
duty evaluation is to determine

if you're mentally capable
of performing your duties

as a police officer.

You wanna know
if I'm too crazy to be a cop.

Are you too crazy?

Because it would be great if you
could just tell me, wouldn't it?

We would save so much time.

'Cause your file here
says that you are showing

patterns of victimhood,
obsessive compulsion,

chronic apathy.

English.
Speak English.

You're a hot mess.

Well yeah, who isn't?

I mean, I got stuff.

I mean, I knew something,
I went about it the wrong way,

it cost me my marriage.

There, we got to
the bottom of it.

See that?
We're making progress, okay?

You ever lose everything, huh?
It messes with you.

You got a reference point
for that?

Well, this isn't really
about how I feel, is it?

It's about you.

Super.

And just for the record, I don't
think you're crazy, Detective.

I do think, however,

you are incapable of taking
responsibility for yourself.

You're immature,
you're egotistical,

and you are cantankerous.

So does this mean you
don't wanna go to the prom?

What you need is to care
about something again.

How do you feel about
taking on a partner?

You just told me
I couldn't take care of myself.

How am I supposed to be
responsible for someone else?

Exactly.

What?!

Hang on a second.

Yeah?

No, I'm not doing anything.

Oh, yeah.

You're sure it's him?

Okay.

No, no, no.
No, I'll handle it.

Okay, thank you, Audrey.

Here you go.
Thanks.

I gotta run.

Detective Dancer,
we are not nearly finished here.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, this was great.

I felt the healing start.
This was a good start.

We haven't even started!

We planted the seed.
The tree's gonna grow.

Listen, next time
we'll do ink blots.

I got some very dark thoughts.
We'll talk about all that.

I can breathe.
I'm feeling a breakthrough.

It's good job.
Good job.

Dr. Jackson
for Captain Murray.

Hi, Captain Murray.

No, actually I think
it went really well.

I think he's ready.

I don't know
if she's gonna be ready.

Hey kid, come here.

What?

Relax, it's okay.
I'm a police officer.

Come here.

Am I in trouble?

No, but I am.
Let me ask you a question.

You a good guy or a bad guy?

Well?

I'm thinking.

What are you, like 12?
It's time to pick a side.

You wanna grow up to be Catwoman

or you wanna grow up
to be Wonder Woman?

Darth Vader or Obi-Wan Kenobi?

Captain Kirk or Khan?

I don't know
who these people are.

It's okay, I'm old.

All right, let's try this.

How 'bout I give you 10 bucks

and you help me
catch a criminal?

Twenty.

Twenty, okay.
All right, I like your style.

Here's what I need you to do.

No!

Mutz!

Safe at the plate.

Hey, Dancer!

Nice to see ya.

How did you get
back here so quick?

I didn't think
you moved that fast.

The question is, Mutz,
how fast can you move?

Man, I love these country roads.

How 'bout you, Mutz?

Dancer, you don't
have to do this, okay?

I'll tell you whatever
you wanna know, man.

Nah, you're not ready yet.

Your head's not clean.

You know what's good
for clearing your head?

Running.

I read that.
It's scientific.

Come on, man!
Slow down!

I'm slipping!

Give me a name, Mutz.
Who hired you?

Dancer,
he'll kill me if I tell you.

Concentrate on
your current situation.

It was Mongrel!

Shut up, I'm trying to think.

See, what I don't understand
is I got no beef with Mongrel.

He's just hired muscle,
so who put him on to me?

How am I supposed to know?

He just paid me 200 bucks
to get you to the club.

I didn't think
he was gonna kill you.

You're gonna have to
give me something else

or we're gonna have to see
how you do on the expressway.

I don't know nothing else!

Okay, road trip.

Okay, okay, okay!

Mongrel said something
about washing money.

You mean money laundering?

Washing money in some warehouse.

Skanz's warehouse?

I don't know!
Who cares?

How does Kenny Bassett
play into all this?

It was 200 bucks!

That's all I know.
I swear, that's all I know.

Okay.

Good job, Mutz.

Thanks, Dancer.

So you're gonna take me
back to town, right?

What do you think?

Dancer!

Dancer!

I don't know where we are!

It was time to
throw a Hail Mary.

I had to confront Skanz,

shake that tree
and see what falls out.

And that is when life wound up

and smacked me
right in the face.

What are you up to now, Skanz?

Woof! Woof!

Woof!

Wait, wait, wait, you all right?
You sound sick as a dog.

No, no, I've just been
so dog tired.

You're telling me.

My dogs, they killing me.

What's this?

2-28. You've been
assigned a partner.

A partner?
Does Murray know about this?

I'm afraid so.

It's what the doctor ordered.

Doggone it.

Officer... Priceless?

Close, it's Princess.

Okay, Princess.

I'm gonna make this
really easy on the both of us.

This is not gonna happen.

Good news, bad news, cowboy.

I'm not your partner.
She is.

That's gotta be a mistake.

Nope, that's her badge number.

Badge number?
It's a dog.

Looks like you
got a reprieve, girl.

What's wrong with it?

She's not an it.

She's a police officer,
same as you.

I'm paid to feed them,
not psychoanalyze them.

Look, she's a good cop.
Best nose in the state.

Nose? What do you mean?

She sniffs stuff out
and finds stuff?

Within reason.

She's a little high maintenance,
but what female isn't?

Look, just don't
mess with her baby.

She's very touchy about that.

You're telling me
she's pregnant?

What?

No, the stuffed animal,
her baby.

You don't know much
about dogs, do you?

Or women.

Get in, hurry,
before somebody sees.

What am I supposed
to do, pick you up?

Fine, look,
you can sit in the front seat,

you can sit in the back seat.

For all I care,
you can drive the car.

Keep moving,
this is between me and her.

But let's get one
thing straight right now.

I am the man, you are the dog.

I am the cop, you are the dog.

I am talking to a dog.

Dr. Jackson.

Look, I don't know what you're
trying to pull here, lady.

Detective Dancer,
working on your people skills.

Look, I'm not crazy.
I'm just really ticked off.

Well, that's good.

You and the dog have
something in common.

So it's a joke then,
sticking me with a dog

that has some kind of
mental problem?

Detective, you've been
reduced to pushing a file cart.

It's a living.

Yeah, but it's not a life.

Well, thank you, Confucius.

Hey big guy.

Who's a good dog?
Who's a good boy?

Now that's a dog, huh?

Good attitude, fun.

You think this is gonna work?

All right, Officer Princess.

Now, why would Kenny
hide a necklace

with Skanz's
corporate logo on it, huh?

I know you might
have a bolt loose,

but you're gonna do what I say
and when I say it, okay?

Smell this.

You got it?

I'm guessing
that there's a lot of this

in that warehouse over there,
like trunks full.

I need you to find it.

So here, take another whiff.

Can I have your attention?

I am Detective Dancer

from the Louisiana
Police Department

Special Crimes Division.

Everybody stay where you are.

I have reason to believe

there has been
a large amount of cash

placed on this premises
for criminal intent.

With me is Officer Princess.

She is a highly trained
professional here to assist me.

Do not try to interfere-

Get Mr. Skanz.

or obstruct her in any way.

Thank you.

Okay, show time.
Let's see what you can do.

All right, go find the money.

Seek.

Discover.

Search.

Explore.

Come on, just go find the money.

No, Princess.
No, not him. No.

No, that's not what I meant.

Just like my lawyer.

How precious.

She does tricks.

No, not this.
A lot of money.

Oh, do it again.

No, hey! Not that.

Hey! No, not this.

Where are you going?

Bootsie, no!

Princess!

Detective Dancer.

I don't believe
you're on my guest list.

Oh, I'm here on
official police business.

But you're not even
a detective anymore.

I mean, officially.

Am I right?

I know you're
moving money, Skanz.

The only money here tonight
is to benefit troubled teens.

Children, Dancer.

I know what you are, Skanz.

See, these people,

they're just not used to
seeing a criminal

look like you do.

You should leave
before I call a real cop

and have you arrested.

This ain't over, Skanz.

You're unstable, Dancer.

A threat to our community.

I'm filing a restraining order
in the morning.

You're done.

Not even Captain Murray
can save you this time.

You know,
I never get to say this.

I feel very small.

All right, I'm going.

You don't gotta bend the jacket.

This is Mongrel's place.

He tried to kill me,

but I think this is our last
chance at cracking this case.

All right,
don't try to help me anymore.

Just stay here.

You should be the one
laying on the shrink's couch.

Oh boy.

We're closed, pal.

Uh yeah,
I'm looking for Mongrel.

Anybody know any Mongrels?

Just my wife.

Hey you,
you here to meet my wife?

No, no, no.
Hey, hey, whoa fellas.

There's no reason
for any of this, okay?

I'm just gonna
have a drink, okay?

Here you go.

House special.

What?

You trying to offend me?

That's what it looks like.

Why don't you take a drink?

Because he's a cop.

- He's a cop?
- Grab him.

Isn't that right, Dancer?

Hey, Mongrel.

Boy, you bad guys here are
always in really good shape.

What, do you guys
go to the same gym?

They weren't gonna pay me.

They said I botched the job.

But you're gonna
give me a do-over.

Nothing personal.

It's just business.

You're in trouble now.

That is a highly trained
police attack dog,

and one word out of me

and she will
tear your heads off.

Is that right?

Aww, what a pretty little doggy.

Hmm, what is this?

Whoa!

Are you kidding me?

Get this thing off of me.

Who ordered the hit?

Who do you think?

Your biggest fan.

Is it 'cause I'm getting close
on the money laundering?

The what?

Now, Mutz already
told me all about it.

Now, how are they getting
the money out? Boat? Plane?

You're an idiot.
They're not shipping money out,

they're bringing it in,
$3 million.

Come on, Mongrel,
$3 million is chump change.

Certainly not worth
all this aggravation.

- In singles.
- Excuse me?

In 1-dollar bills.
They got a buyer.

Connected guy out of Chicago.

Poocharelli.

Now, why would anyone
wanna sell the mob

3 million 1-dollar bills?

Man, that's the word.

Now, man, get this
thing off of me.

All right, let him go, Princess.

I don't want him
to give you worms.

All right.

We got some
good information in there,

but you can't go off all crazy
and half-cocked like that.

You can't react emotionally.

You gotta be like me,
calm and collected.

All right, all right.
It was a good job.

Just for the record, I had
him right where I wanted him.

I guess I gotta feed you, huh?

Let's get you a bag of kibble
or whatever it is you eat.

I'm sorry, sir, but your
pet will need to be leashed.

My what? Oh.

Didn't you grab it
before we left the party?

You can't walk around naked.

Come on.

Would you please
make up your mind?

How about this one?

This one?

$125?!

How much money are
you making, take home?

Hey, we are not getting this.

Hey, how about we swap
your old toy for this one?

Come on, that one looks like
a used cough drop.

Would you just choose something?

Look, how about these?
Look, these look good, huh?

Huh? A red one? A blue one?

Beef and liver,
mmm, sounds good.

They're organic.

What is this?

Chicken and rice.

Oh, poached salmon and veggies.

You know I don't eat this good?

Women.

Do you know what a conundrum is?

A conundrum:

question for which
there is no simple answer.

As in, why is
Kenny Bassett in a coma

and Rick Dancer walking around?

I sent you
to retrieve a necklace

and instead I get
a teenager in a coma

and the bothersome attention
that said teen attracts.

The cops think
it's just a mugging.

Obviously there is
one cop who does not.

Dancer?

Where is my necklace?

The kid didn't have it on him.

Until my necklace is returned,
my position is compromised.

Not only did you fail,
you left a loose end.

Give me your gun.

You led Dancer right to me.

You shot me in the foot!

Has our friend from Cleveland
arrived yet?

He just checked in.

Good, see that he's comfortable.

And clean this mess up, and
this time I want it done right.

Yeah, I know.

The cleaning lady
called in sick this year.

Dinner time.

There you go.

What, you want
it heated up, too?

Anybody ever tell you,

for a dog,
you're worse than a cat?

You tried to sabotage
my marriage.

Why can't you just admit it?

You two were separated.

You told me yourself
you didn't love him anymore.

Okay, look, that's Dawn.

Look, pay attention.

Okay, she looks good,
but she's nasty.

Bad business.

Dawn never takes responsibility.

And the other one, that's Josie.

She's okay, she's
just not that bright.

You two deserve each other.

You know, I give them a week

and Ed will come
crawling back to me.

Yeah, I know.
I hate her voice too.

It's sad.
She needs to move on.

All right, you just stay here.

Oh, sorry!
Sorry.

What am I doing?

Okay, okay!
Don't use all the hot water.

What is happening?

Sleep wherever you want,
but I ain't sharing the bed.

Don't even think about it.

No! No!

No! Hey, no!

You are a bad house guest.

Now look, what are you doing?

Okay.

You think you're
pretty smart, huh?

Gotcha.

All right, how 'bout this?

There we go.
You having fun?

All right, all aboard
the laundry room express.

I don't open doors for you.

I'm too sloppy for you.

Guess what?

That means that you
and your new expensive collar

can sleep in here, okay?

How 'bout that?

Good night.

Move.

Well, you think you're so smart.

Let's see you open
the door with no thumbs.

I told you, I am the man,
you are the dog.

I am the superior species.

No, no, it's too late for that.

You had your chance
to play nice.

What is it now?!

You're very loud!

Keep it down, I'm working.

I should've studied more
in high school.

You just don't know who
it is you're playing with.

Who's your boss?

No, Princess! No!

Why can't they have police fish?

Cut out all that racket!

What is it?

You okay?
You want your baby?

I'll get it for you.

Ugh.

That's not good.

Here, I'm sorry.

Detective Dancer, it is late.

Yeah, listen.
I'm really sorry.

But we were at home tonight.

We were having dinner

and we were watching
"Housewives,"

and it was going really good.

But then when we went to bed,
she wouldn't get out of my bed.

So I had to drag her
down the hallway on a blanket

and then I went
into the laundry room

and I accidentally poured
bleach in the washing machine

and I bleached the thing.

And I'm not sure what's wrong,
but she won't stop crying.

Princess, to me.

Hi, baby girl.
You're home.

Okay, come on in.

Hey Princess, good girl.

Princess!

Look who's here!

Princess, come here!

I see you two have met.

Yeah, see.

That's strange behavior.

What is that about?

Hey honey, will you see
if Princess has to go out?

Princess, to me.

I think that she
is looking for my husband.

Oh, it's so late.

I'm sorry.
I hope I didn't interrupt.

No, no, not at all.

My husband is deceased.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Looks like
Dancer's playing house.

Let's find out who lives here.

Ruby is asking if Princess
can spend the night.

Sure, you can keep her
for all I care.

I'll pick the dog up
in the morning.

Good plan.

Hey listen, the other day
when I was over here

yelling at you about
had you ever experienced loss.

Look, I didn't realize,
and I'm sorry.

I didn't know your husband,

but I'd heard about him
through the vine.

He was a good cop.

Thanks.

They ever catch who did that?

Cold case.

Can I get you something?

Water, soda, tea?

A tea.

Okay.

So, you know, what's
the story with Princess?

Well, I think
she's been battling

post-traumatic stress.

It's what usually
follows a big loss.

She must really miss him, huh?

Well, she was with Kyle
the night he was killed.

And these dogs, these K-9s,

they're trained
to sacrifice their life

for their human partners,
so I honestly believe

that she blames herself
for Kyle's death.

Why can't she live here?
She seems happy enough.

Yeah, and we love her.

She's so sweet.

It's just that
she's not a family pet.

She's a police officer.

She needs a purpose to be happy.

And you know,

I think the reason that she
freaked out on you tonight

was when you washed her baby,

you washed the scent
off Kyle's bandana.

That was her last link to him.

Seems like me and that dog
have a lot in common.

We're both nuts.

Well, I don't know
about the dog.

Hey!

Oh, excuse me, this is
my emergency line. Sorry.

Hello?

Yeah, Mrs. Corso, okay.

Let's just practice those
breathing exercises, okay?

Four counts in, four counts out.

Can I have a drink of water?

Your mom's on the phone.

I don't know where
you keep your water.

It's in the sink.

Right.

Thank you.

Okay, so, good night, right?

Will you tell me a story?

Well, I'm a cop.
I gotta chase bad guys.

I don't really-
I mean, I don't know any.

All right.

Okay, let's see.

Once upon a time,

the Big Bad Wolf
was up to no good.

He was out
gambling and drinking,

and because of this, he couldn't
make his mortgage payment.

So, he was out
with the seven dwarves,

and one of 'em tipped him off

that Cinderella got this
new pair of glass slippers

that was very expensive.

It was probably Dopey.

I don't think
that's how it goes.

Who's telling this, me or you?

Okay.

Anyway, her slippers get stolen,

but Cinderella knows
it's the Big Bad Wolf.

But lucky for her, she's got
a friend on the police force,

Detective Charming.

Now, he's not your
typical Prince Charming.

He kinda let himself
go a little bit,

but he's still
a very good looking man.

He just doesn't wear
a cape and tights, okay?

He follows the Big Bad Wolf
back to his house,

and he looks through
his special camera,

and he sees that the slippers
are in there on the table.

So he grabs his police
bullhorn and he yells out,

"Bring out those slippers
or I'll take you to jail."

And the Big Bad Wolf says,

"You'll never
take me alive, copper!"

Does Detective Charming
get the princess's slippers?

Wait for it.

So, Detective Charming
knows he's gotta go in there,

but he doesn't wanna go alone,
so he calls for backup,

'cause you never
go in without backup.

The S.W.A.T. team
shows up.

They surround
the Big Bad Wolf's house.

They pump three cans
of tear gas into the house.

The wolf chokes.

He comes out, falls on
the lawn, they cuff him.

He's now serving
3 to 5 in the state pen.

Detective Charming got
the shoes back to Cinderella

and she was so happy,
they went to dinner and a movie.

The end.

All right, good night.

Okay, okay.

Good night, Mrs. Corso.

Sorry about that.

Some of my clients
are a little bit of a handful.

Listen, this arrangement
that you've prescribed,

is it to help me or the dog?

It is-well, you are
Princess's last chance.

She's been biting people,
she's been moody,

and she's scheduled
to be put down.

I know how she feels.

Well you know, we still have
our evaluation to finish up.

Yeah, about that, doc.

Sitting in your office,
it makes me feel all mental.

Okay, then I will do what I can.

I'll see what I can do about
making you feel less mental.

Thank you.

All right, good night.

Thanks for coming in early.

Am I gonna get in
trouble for helping you?

Yep.

Is it true?

You took out six guys
with five shots?

Don't believe
everything you hear, kid.

See, yeah, that's what I got.

What is that?

Hey, any word from
your friend at the FBI?

He said Poocharelli's in town.

They got his phone tapped and
he's meeting someone for lunch.

Here's the address.

This is federal stuff.

You don't have jurisdiction.

It's encrypted.
You need a key.

A key?

A companion piece of software
that goes with that one.

Okay.

All right,
pull the Bassett file.

Get me Kenny's
girlfriend's number, Shawna.

I was never here.

Hey kid, it was four shots.

Hey, sorry about the new look,

but Ruby decided to give her a
bit of a makeover this morning.

You look very unprofessional.

So I thought after
all the drama last night,

maybe we could continue that
evaluation downtown today?

Yeah, how 'bout
we grab some lunch?

Oh, okay!

Let me go grab Ruby, and
just text me where to meet you.

Great.
Come on.

All right, here's
what we know so far.

Poocharelli's eating lunch here

and he's here to buy
3 million 1-dollar bills.

Skanz had Kenny Bassett put in
the hospital over some software.

Somehow, those
two things are related.

Plus, if we take
this thing any further,

we're probably
both gonna get killed.

You in?

All right, me too.

Remember you said that.

Come on!

Hey, Princess!

This was a great choice.

This is one
of my favorite spots.

Oh, good.

Sir, dogs are only allowed
on the outside patio.

There are no exceptions.

I'll handle this, love.

Do you know
who you're looking at?

This is the biggest
dog star on the planet.

She's in town to film
the new movie, "Rin Tin Tin."

Be that as it may, sir,

dogs are not allowed
in this dining room.

All right, then.
How 'bout this?

Do you know what happens when
a film crew comes to a town?

Economic stimulation.

I'd hate to tell your mayor

that you was the reason
that we packed up

and headed back to England.

Or better yet, how 'bout I call
TMZ, have 'em come down here,

and crawl up your backside
with a camera?

I think we can make
an exception, sir.

That's a good choice, love.

I wanna be out
on the deck, all right?

We're going that way, okay?

You know what?

On second thought,
the patio'll be fine.

Follow me.

You have so many issues.

I'm in a theatre group.
Let's just eat.

You're gonna single-handedly
put my kid through college.

Sir, your dog
cannot sit at the table.

Oh, hey, down.
Come on.

Good, welcome to the restaurant.

My name is Jacques and I will be

your culinary fusion
contemporary guide for today.

Have you ever been
a guest of ours before?

What do you think?

Our specials of the day-

Are you okay?

soy steak medley,
yes, with a glazed raspberry--

Sir, your dog, please.

Mr. Poocharelli.

Never would've imagined
a place like this

would be your
restaurant of choice.

Yeah, well,
I gotta keep a low profile.

The feds are all over me
like ticks on a dead dog.

Quite, but I do sympathize.

I, myself, have a similar issue.

Sir, your dog.

Princess.

Where was I?
Oh, yes.

This is not going to work.

Sir, are you okay?

So why the unexpected visit?

There's been a change of plans.

The deal goes down tonight.

That's impossible.
The money isn't ready.

There's already too much heat,
so the money goes tonight.

- Or what?
- Or no deal.

Do something with this man.
I am very weak in my-

You expect me
to eat this poison?

Look what it did to
that poor jerk over there.

Would you like something?
Maybe have a glass of water.

Maybe you could
just give us a minute.

I s he allergic
to fine dining, perhaps?

All right, let's eat.

All right, I hate to break
this up, but it's time to go.

Come on, Princess, in the car.

Princess, come on.

It's mostly hand signals.

This is sit...

This is down...

And this is when you
want her to find something.

Is there, like, a manual or
something that I could read?

Ruby, honey,
let's get in the car, okay?

There you go, baby.

So, I just got off
the phone with Captain Murray

who's asking
about your progress.

Well, about that.

What exactly am I
supposed to tell him?

That was Skanz in there.

You're right, I'm sorry.
I wasn't trying to-

Yeah, I'm right.

If you ever put me and my
daughter in harm's way again,

I don't-you need to
start taking responsibility

for your actions, Detective.

What are you looking at?
Let's go.

Hey, Shawna.
Thanks for coming.

How's Kenny?

He's out of the coma,
but he's still in ICU.

They beat him up pretty bad.

Listen, I'm gonna find
the guys that did this.

So, why do you want this?

Well, I think the people
who hurt Kenny

were looking for this.

I don't understand.

I just think it's safer for you

if I hold onto it
for a little bit, okay?

Good luck.

Stay out of trouble.
Thank you!

Who's a good detective?
Who's a good detective?

Okay, now see,
the beauty of an Icee

is in its simplicity, okay?

It's ice and cherry syrup,
all right?

Come on, I'll show you.

You're probably
not gonna like this.

It's not made
with distilled water

or cherries picked by monks.

Hey, you want a sip?

All right, here.

Just a little sip.
That's it though, okay?

A little-hey, you hog.
Aw, look what you did.

You're ruining
a perfectly good Icee.

Down!

Princess!

Oh, that was uncomfortable, huh?

Wait 'til the guys
in cell block D find out

an officer named Princess
took you down.

I'd call her off,
but she hasn't had lunch yet.

Sit down, Dancer.

Look, before you start, let me-

Shut, shut, shut up, Dancer!

This is
Special Agent Shepherd, FBI.

What brings the FBI to town?

You know this guy?

Never seen him.

You sure about that?

We thought another family hired
you to take Poocharelli out.

Look, a kid named Billy Mutz--

Billy Mutz is in
the emergency room now,

hoping they can
sew his toe back on.

The Comstock Corporation,

the fine folks that own
the Save-A-Buk franchise,

are suing for damages.

I got a list of the
city's most prominent

swearing out affidavits

that you busted up
Eric Skanz's party.

Eric Skanz is in
the building right now

filing a restraining order
on you!

Look, I'm sorry
if I stepped on some toes.

I don't care about Poocharelli.

Oh, and I don't care about you.

I've got 4 years
and 7,000 hours of man power

invested in the Poocharelli
crime syndicate.

How many of those hours
did you use

to figure out
that an overweight cop

and a dog with curlers in its
hair weren't an elite hit team?

Oh, you need to put the leash
on your boy, Captain.

Look, if Poocharelli and Skanz
are in bed together,

it proves I was right.

I know they're laundering money.

More the reason
for you to stand down.

You're on my turf
and you're out of line.

Officer Friendly,
whenever you feel free!

Give me your gun and your badge.

Come on, Tony.

You're not gonna let
this guy push you around.

You're suspended with pay

until the department completes
a full investigation.

What about Princess?

The dog.

She stays here too.

Tony, they're gonna
put her down.

That's more blood on your hands.

I would love
to stay here and referee

this little
lover's spat of yours,

but I've got
real police work to do.

Of all the stupid--
you lame-brained rubber lip!

I warned you, Dancer!

I told you you'd be out there
without a net!

You just saw.
You know I'm right!

How close are you?

What?

You're washed up, Dancer!

You couldn't break a case if
it was staring you in the face!

Come here.

They're moving money, soon.
I'm sure of it.

I just don't quite know when.
Something's just a little off.

Oh, all these excuses with you.

All the time, excuses!

You got one lifeline.

Call it and I bring the calvary.

Make it count.

So, do we hug?

- Get out.
- It was a joke.

Get out.
Get out!

I'm surrounded.

What's the matter, girl?

Huh, what's the matter?

What's the matter?

Princess, what's wrong?

Princess, what's wrong?

Princess!

Princess, what's wrong?

Princess!

Drive! Now!

Princess!

Princess!

What is up with this dog?

Faster!

Crazy mutt!

He's still coming!

Faster!

Lose this mutt.

I think we lost him.

Warehouse.

She is such an evil little liar.

She will say and do anything
just to get what she wants.

Let's see what you got for me.

What is that?

Three million in singles.

In 1-dollar bills.

Mongrel said something about
washing money in some warehouse.

Come on, think, think, think.

She thinks the whole world
owes her everything.

What am I missing?

Come on, now think, think.

Ugh.

Everyone's hoping
for us to fail, but you know,

I'm not gonna let that happen.

You just wait and see.

I got you.

Audrey, hey, listen.
I cracked this thing wide open.

Dancer, Captain Murray
said you can't.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

Listen, Skanz is printing and
shipping out counterfeit bills,

and I'm pretty sure
that I know where.

So, here's
what I need you to do.

I need you to break me
into the kennel

so I can bust my partner out.

Didn't you hear?
Princess ran away.

What? Well, where is she?

She's still lost.
They're out looking for her now.

I'll find her.

Did you lose somebody?

I did, but I thought she was-

I can't stay long.
I've got Ruby asleep in the car.

She showed up at the house,
so I called the precinct

and they said that
she chased after Eric Skanz.

Everything that you have
in this town is because of me.

Look at that, she's picking up
all your bad habits.

Maybe if you weren't
such a controlling

you'd know how
to hold on to your man.

What bad habits?

I know, right?

Hey, I figured
out Skanz's angle.

He's printing counterfeit money

with a program
Kenny Bassett wrote.

When Kenny found out
what they were using it for,

he swiped it back to get
leverage to get away from Skanz,

which is why they showed up
and did a number on him.

- What are you gonna do?
- Prove I'm not crazy.

Well, Detective-

Just let me
grab a couple things.

Rick, Rick, I need to
talk to you about something.

Not a lot of time.

Everyone thinks
that they know Ed,

but they don't
know him like I do.

All right, girl.
You got one more in you?

Come on,
let's go catch this bad guy.

Come on, what are you doing?
I taped this for us.

Ruby! Ruby?

Ruby!

Ruby's gone.

Maybe she just-maybe she
just woke up and wandered off.

- Yeah?
- Hello, Detective Dancer.

- Nicole.
- Ruby!

Nicole, Nicole.

If you and your girlfriend
wanna see the kid again,

all you have to do is nothing.

Just spend a cozy evening
on the couch together

and this'll all be over
in the morning.

If you hurt that kid-

Wait, wait, where are you going?

I'm going to get Ruby.

No, he said we
had to go back inside.

He said we had to stay there
and Ruby would be okay.

Nicole--

No, I lost my husband
to this already.

I can't bury my daughter.

All right, look.

After this deal
goes down tonight,

Skanz is gonna need her anymore.

She's gonna be a witness.

I need you to stay focused
for Ruby, okay?

Skanz killed Kyle.

I know.

Captain Murray and I
put you with Princess

to try to prove it.

I know.

All right, if I'm not back
in an hour, call Murray,

tell him to go here.

Tell him I'm using my lifeline.

Princess, to me.

I know.

I never thought I'd ever see
what $300 million looks like.

You still haven't.
It's really only $3 million.

I know that.

But if it was $300 million,
this is what it would look like.

It feels really real.

That's because
it is really real, you tool.

They're just not real
100-dollar bills.

They're not real
100-dollar bills.

- What?
- Nothing.

Come on,
we're running out of time.

I was sure this was the place.

Murray told me to stand down.

I should've listened.

Ruby'd be home
with her mom tonight.

All right, God, look.

I know I haven't
talk to you in a long time,

so I'm just gonna come clean.

I have let my need to be right
push away or destroy

everything I've ever
loved in my life.

And I ain't asking for me,

but if you help me find this
little girl and get her home,

I will start to care again.

I promise.

You saw that, right?

Come on,
they're watching the front.

We'll go around the back.

Okay, come on, come on.
All right, now be quiet.

Let's go, come on.

Kinda like trick-or-treating.

What?

Trick-or-treating.

This $3 million is wearing a
$300 million Halloween costume.

Okay, hey, listen.

We're not gonna play
super cops tonight, okay?

I want you to forget Skanz.

I want you to find Ruby.
You understand?

Here.

You got it?
You got her?

Okay, find Ruby.

How long before
the bleach smell goes away?

I really don't care.

Louis, you're supposed to be
with the girl.

I wanted to see
the money, Mr. Skanz.

Okay, okay.

When this is all over,
can I shoot him?

Absolutely.

I got a dinner break in
2 minutes, you answer it.

I'm going to the track tomorrow.

I'm handicapping.

- Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
- Paper beats rock, I win.

I never understood
how paper beats rock.

Do you know
the damage I could do

to a piece of paper with a rock?

Come on, two out of three.

It's not real 100-dollar bills.

Nice doggy.

Nice.

Nice doggy.

Nice doggy.

Heh, heh.

Dancer?

- Hey.
- Where are we?

We are at the bad guy's place.

Remember, like I told
you about in your story?

It's very dangerous here,
so you be quiet

so that I can get you home
nice and safe, okay?

Come on.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

I win.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

I win.

Oh.

Captain Murray!

No, no, no, no, no, no.
Listen to me!

Listen to me.
Skanz has Ruby.

Yes.

Okay, look.
I have an address for you.

Dancer gave me an address.
Write this down.

Poocharelli's here.

Get Louis and the girl.

This way.

Change of plans.

I'm gonna need you to be
very small and very quiet.

Is the Big Bad Wolf here?

Yes he is, but so
is Detective Charming.

Did you call for backup?

Be quiet.

Be quiet, like a church mouse.

Louis?

$30 million for $300 million.

You're welcome.

We shall do this
again very soon.

All right, let's get in the van.

We ain't got all night, huh?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
what's this?

I can handle it.

It's a set up! Come on!
Get the cash, let's go!

You can go, money stays here.

You're crazy.
You're crazy.

Hotter, hotter, cold.

Hotter, cold.

Hotter, hotter, hot.

Cold. Brr, cold.

Two bad guys, no bullets.

That kid Russel's
never gonna believe this.

All right, let's finish it.

It's the feds, get out of here!

Spread out.

You two, take the exits.

Jackpot, people.

Hey, hey, I got this, all right?

You and your people
are just in the way.

Kiss my crawfish,
one of my men is in there.

I'd like to stick around, but
I have real police work to do.

Secure the area!

Don't let anyone get away!

Freeze, Skanz.
Nowhere to run.

Drop the bags
and put the gun down.

Turn around.

Good, now walk.

I finally got you, Skanz.

Let's go out front.

Guess what, the cops
and the feds are out there.

All here to witness
a rogue cop gone bad.

You got in bed with the mob,
tried to frame me.

Who do you think they're
gonna believe, Dancer?

The city's most benevolent
citizen or a mental cop?

It's all about
who's telling the story.

Captain Murray,
did you find her?

Is she here?

It's too dangerous,
get back in the car.

Get her out of here!

Get your hands off me.

This is where Dancer
said he was gonna be.

Get back in the car.
Get back in the car!

Mommy!

Ruby?!
Ruby, where are you?

Mommy!

Ruby, no!

All you had to do
was just stay home.

Now look what you've done.

Drop your gun.

Okay, okay.

Now let her go.

I don't think I will.

There is no reason
to hurt that little girl.

Just tell me what you want.

I wanted my $30 million!

But I'll have to
settle for the fact

that you won't
bother me ever again!

Princess!

Ruby!

Freeze!
Hands behind your hand.

Mommy!

Do you know who I am?

Be quiet, that's who you are.

Call for help.
Did you hear what I said?

Call for help.
We got an officer down.

You're okay, girl.

Hold on.
You're gonna be fine.

You're gonna be okay.
Call for help!

10-22 to base.

Shots fired, requesting
immediate medical evac.

It's okay, girl.

You're gonna be okay.
It's okay.

How's she doing, doc?

Well, she's lost a lot of blood.

I did all that I can do.

It's up to her how hard she
fights to make it back to us.

Is it all right if I go in?

Definitely.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Hey, girl.

I just came by to tell you
that you done real good.

I want you to know some stuff.

You know, because of you, Ruby's
at home with her mom tonight.

Because of you,
Eric Skanz is in jail.

And because of you,
I'm still here.

This caring stuff
is for the dogs.

I brought you something.

Huh?

See, the one thing I didn't
get to tell you about an Icee

is you have to drink 'em
quick or they melt away.

So, I need you to get
better real fast, okay?

If you don't mind,

I'm just gonna sit here
with you for a little while.

Without further ado,

it is my honor to present one
of the most decorated members

of our police department,
Detective Richard Dancer.

Thank you, Mayor Mayo.

We are here today to
honor K-9 officer, Princess.

I've been asked to say
a few words on her behalf.

Officers who work
with K-9 units in the field

will tell you very quickly that
the dog becomes your friend,

your partner,
and your protector.

And we, in turn, become
their love and their life,

and they stay faithful and true

until the last beat
of your heart.

We owe it to them
to be worthy of such devotion.

Thank you for being here.

Captain?

In recognition
of a police officer's

conspicuous bravery and heroism

above and beyond
normal police service,

it is my duty,
my privilege, and my honor,

to award the Medal of Valor
to K-9 Officer Princess.

It is also my duty...

blah, blah, blah,
Medal of Valor,

blah, blah, blah,
Detective Richard Dancer.

Welcome back, Detective.

Thank you, sir.

He's not your typical
Prince Charming.

So things worked out in the end,

and the lesson is,
don't give up.

If I can change, so can anyone.

And hopefully, you won't have to
go through all that aggravation.