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This is a story about

how a whole lot of wrong can make a right.

Hey, the Icee machine's broke!

And I know what you're thinking.

Who is this handsome looking superhero.

Well, that's me, Rick Dancer.

Back at this time,

I wasn't what you'd call a ray of sunshine.

Come on, I gotta have my cherry Icee.

Hey, it's probably just the breaker.

Flip the switch.

Hey, flip the switch!

Yo, the fuse box behind you.

Sorry old guy, I'm busy watching a cat video.

Oh, my--

You're gonna make me go an extra 4 blocks for an Icee

just 'cause you're too lazy to flip a switch?

Put the phone away.

Dude!

See, this is the problem with your entire generation.

You're a bunch of lazy, diluted, narcissists.

This ain't even your phone, is it?

Admit it, you're on your mom's plan.

Your life is too soft.

What's the worst thing that's gonna happen to you today? Huh?

Slow WiFi?

Oh, all the good usernames are gone, huh?

Your generation plays sports on a game console.

You were never spanked.

You think you make friends on Facebook.

You're afraid of gluten!

Sorry man, I just-

I've been going through a lot of stuff lately and I-okay.

Audrey, where's my ballistics report?

Harrier, you'll get it when I get it.

These are some of the folks that I work with,

like those two, Harrier and Spitz.

Pretty sure they share one brain.

You know who I think's a real hottie?

I'm listening.

The green M&M.

You mean the candy in the commercial?

Hot!

That's Audrey.

She's been on my team for as long as I've been a cop.

I helped get her brother out of a gang

and she's looked out for me ever since.

What happened to you as a child,

'cause you got a sick mind.

Really, I wanna know.

I'm as normal as the next guy.

You wanna marry a piece of candy!

All right, all right.

Listen up, boys and girls.

This is the new kid, Jack Russel,

up from Morganza.

Show him around and play nice.

Captain Murray is wound tighter than a 2-dollar watch,

but he saved my bacon

when Internal Affairs wanted me off the force.

Briard, find him a desk.

Welcome to the pit.

What do you say there? My name's Briard, robbery.

Welcome to the desk.

So, where is he?

Who?

You know, the man, Rick Dancer,

from the '09 Slidell bust?

He took out six guys with five shots.

Come on, in the Academy

they talk about this guy like he's Batman.

Well, these days he's more like Batman's out-of-shape butler.

See for yourself.

That's Rick Dancer?

What happened to him?

You ever hear of Eric Skanz?

Of course, I went to school on a scholarship he sponsored.

Dancer gets it in his head that Skanz is running guns.

He's obsessed.

I mean, he won't leave Skanz alone.

Breaks into some of his businesses looking for guns.

Without a shred of evidence.

Then he goes to the newspapers

accusing Skanz of weapons trafficking.

The papers make Dancer look like a complete nut job.

The whole thing gives the department a black eye.

He gives up on life, gains 89 pounds,

finding solace in doughnuts and Icees.

Now Captain Murray keeps him alive

by letting him push files around.

Which reminds me, where is my ballistics report, Audrey?

Hey Dancer, Harrier wants to know

where his ballistics report is.

What'd you do, eat it?

You can't run a ballistics report

on a shotgun shell, genius.

See, our guys in the lab, they cover nine different precincts,

so they don't have time to write "Pinhead" on your request.

You getting smart with me, Dancer?

How would you know?

Just deliver your packages, Santa.

You know what? I will,

and if you're a good boy this year, I'll stop by

and I'll drop a couple Scooby Doos in your stocking,

help you pick up some tips on being a good detective.

Keep talking, Dancer.

You know what I mean? You ever see that?

They follow the clues, and then they solve the crime.

And one clue leads to the next,

and then when they solve the mystery,

they get a Scooby Snack!

You know what, Dancer?

You better shut your mouth right now.

Why, what's gonna happen?

The Kitchen, great soul food run by my friends,

the Bassett family.

I've known 'em for years.

The cornbread is habit-forming.

I will have-

One order of hot links, a side of okra and tomatoes,

a side of red beans and rice.

Same thing every Tuesday and Thursday for the last 5 years.

Tell me something, Dancer.

Why's a Yankee like you eating so much soul food?

Because I need soul.

Ooh, well you gotta feed it to keep it.

Kenny! Wait a minute, Kenny.

Wait! Kenny!

Don't you turn your back on me when I'm talking to you.

Mom, tell Pops it's okay.

I'm just going to see my friends.

Man, your friends are a bunch hoodlums.

You have a gift, Kenny.

Don't throw it away like that son, please.

I know what I'm doing.

Their son Kenny: smart, ambitious kid.

He was into something dangerous

and I had a bad feeling in my gut about it.

Or, maybe it was just too much cornbread, but I doubt it.

How you doing, Kenny?

Kenny, you come back here. Kenny!

Is there a problem, Mr. Bassett?

I should've dug in to find out what was going on with Kenny.

Instead, I was having a pity party,

and the only thing keeping me from that

was clever television.

This week on "Housewives of Miami."

I know I've made mistakes, but I own up to them.

We are gonna give Diane the best bachelorette party of all time!

You know, I think I'm gonna take Ed back.

You have to do what you think is best.

What? Ed cheated on you with her!

Local news.

Millionaire philanthropist Eric Skanz announced plans

to demolish an unused warehouse

and donate the land for the development of a halfway house

for troubled teens.

The dedication is planned for later this week.

Skanz.

Long ago, I tried to collar him and came up empty.

I knew he was rotten.

But at this point, to be honest, I just didn't care.

Now, I didn't know it then,

but I wasn't the only cop down in the dumps that night.

Boss'll be here any second.

Let's move.

I thought the plan was to wait 'til morning?

Plans change.

In that case, I'll see your bet and raise you $500.

- He's bluffing. - He's cheating.

Or you just don't know who it is you're playing with.

Princess, to me.

Good girl.

Okay, dirtbag. Tell me, who's your boss?

My boss...

is right behind you.

No, Princess! No!

The next day, everything changed.

What's tough about life is it takes something drastic

for most people to wake up,

and this is what it took for me.

What is this?

So, which gang does your son belong to?

He wasn't with any gang. What are you talking about?

He was a good kid.

I take it you're the victim's girlfriend?

Victim? His name is Kenny.

Hey, excuse me.

What's going on?

It's called police work, Dancer. You're in the way.

Come on, Spitz. These people are my friends.

All right, this is what I got.

Vic's name is Kenny Bassett, age 17.

No, I know who he is.

I coached his little league baseball team.

What happened?

He's in a coma at St. Francis.

He was attacked in the parking lot

of Tequila's nightclub.

It looks gang related.

Where'd you get this gang thing from, man?

No, no, no, no, he's not in a gang; he's a good kid.

He's got posters of Steve Jobs on his wall.

We're following up. We talked to the family.

We gave this whole place a once over.

There's nothing.

That's all I know.

Partner.

What's wrong with him?

Mr. Bassett, I am so sorry.

I wish you had said something to me.

Maybe I could've helped.

You don't help anyone anymore, Dancer.

You gave up.

Well technically, until the kid croaks,

this ain't even a homicide, so we don't need to be here.

You hungry?

Yeah.

If I hadn't been feeling sorry for myself,

I could've prevented this.

I decided right then, I was gonna be a detective again.

Kenny had a computer room in the back of the store.

He did the books for his parents,

but I was guessing that there was a clue back there

that might help find another clue,

that might help find another clue, that might-

well, you get the idea.

Okay.

And why isn't this one on, Kenny?

What have we here?

I am very clever.

Hey, kid.

Hey, come here a sec.

Shawna, right?

Hey.

Hi, I'm Rick Dancer. I'm a friend of the Bassetts.

Listen, I'm really sorry about Kenny.

Yeah, he said you helped his grandfather

when you were a policeman.

Oh, well, I still am.

That's a really cool necklace.

Did Kenny give that to you?

It's an S for Shawna.

Oh, do you know where he got it?

No.

You don't really think Kenny got hurt in a fight?

Not really, no.

Me neither.

Kenny's serious about his future.

He writes computer programs for big companies.

Really? Which company?

It was all, like, top secret.

I should get back to the hospital

and be there when he wakes up.

Okay. Hey, hang on.

I'm gonna give you my number, okay?

And if you can think of anything, please call me.

Just like in the movies. See you later.

You're not going to believe who called here looking for you.

Halle Berry again?

That woman just can't take a hint.

Billy Mutz.

Mutz? I haven't used him in like 5 years.

Said he's got something for you,

to meet him at Tequila's tonight.

So an old informant of mine

shows up out of nowhere with a hot tip

purely out of the goodness of his own heart?

Yeah, it stinks, Dancer. Stay away.

Don't worry, Audrey. Not going near the place.

Okay, excuse me. Hi, how are you?

Used to have that same hair color.

It's lovely.

Aw girls, call your fathers.

Hi, how are you?

Okay, all right, on two. There you go, I'm through.

Okay, hi.

You look too normal to be in here.

You didn't try. Effort, effort.

Hi. How long you been dead?

Okay.

You are the whole package. Very nice.

Loved you in "The Avengers."

Hey, I'm looking for a guy named Billy Mutz.

Hey, Twilight!

Billy Mutz?

No?

How about this kid, Kenny Bassett?

You seen him?

I'm not playing your game, cop.

Oh, you're not playing my game.

Okay, how about we play a game called,

"Here's what's gonna happen

if you don't give me the information I want."

I'm gonna call my buddy, the health inspector.

He's gonna come down here

and go over this place with a microscope and a Q-tip.

And what do you bet he finds more bacteria in here

than in an outhouse at the chili cookout?

Then I'm gonna have the cops come in

and raid the place on a hourly basis

and bust anybody with so much as a stale Tic Tac.

And then, to put the cherry on top of the cake,

I'm gonna let all your little buddies here

know what good friends we are, like this.

Hey, it's so good to see you!

We'll be over Sunday after I get off work at the precinct.

Your mom making that pot roast?

I love that pot roast.

All right! What do you wanna know?

I wanna know why this kid got the snot kicked out of him

in your parking lot.

I don't know.

Two big guys came in here the other night

and they dragged him outside.

The guy down there, he saw the whole thing.

Oh, he's running.

See, now I gotta chase- I hate chasing people.

Take a bath.

Hey, you can't be back here.

Ow! That was completely inappropriate!

I just wanna have a conversation.

Good, you're still here. Now look--

Ow.

Oh, you little punk.

Something was definitely off.

And when it doesn't feel right, I trust my gut and call a pro.

That way, you know you're safe.

- Well? - No bomb.

- Did you check the ignition? - Yep.

- The break pedal? - Yes.

- Gas tank? - Yes, Dancer.

Did you check the mudguards?

Yes, Dancer! I checked the mudguards, okay?

Would you please stop telling me how to do my job?

Both mudguards?

You know when was the last time I had a car blow up on me? Huh?

Never!

Mutz set me up.

Look, I've been sitting behind that desk for awhile now,

but it's pretty clear

somebody doesn't want me asking questions.

I don't want you asking questions.

And if Eric Skanz finds out, we'll both be looking for work.

That was the deal we made.

- I didn't make that deal. - I saved your job!

You call this a job?

Wanna get smart with me?

You want me to file something?

I'm getting real good with the alphabet.

Knock it off.

I'm gonna need a car.

Go sign out an unclaimed from impound.

Kenny Bassett had this on him.

That's Skanz's corporate logo.

Let me ask some questions!

No, we are not talking about Eric Skanz again!

And I didn't see that.

I snooped around for 2 minutes

and someone blew up my car.

What do you want me to do,

sit behind my desk until they get bored?

Yes.

You wanna go after Skanz again?

You're sick.

Everything they say about you out there is true.

When are you gonna get it

through that bucket head of yours

that I can't cover for you anymore?

You do this, you go alone.

This time, I'm covering me.

I've got a family and a pension to protect.

What's this?

It's an order for duty eval.

Oh come on! A shrink?

Tony, give me a break!

I just did.

Right.

Right.

That necklace was my only shot to break this case,

but I couldn't spot the angle.

I'd been out of the game for too long and was rusty.

Kenny was in the hospital, my car had been blown up,

and I'd been ordered to see a shrink.

Captain Murray was sweeping it under the rug.

I had to figure out why.

Hi, I'm Rick Dancer.

I'm a detective.

Whatever, listen.

Is Dr. Nicole Jackson here?

Ruby, don't answer the door to strangers!

Detective Dancer?

Come on in.

No strangers.

Please excuse the informal setting.

They're still making space for me over at the precinct.

So, as you probably already know,

the purpose of a duty evaluation is to determine

if you're mentally capable of performing your duties

as a police officer.

You wanna know if I'm too crazy to be a cop.

Are you too crazy?

Because it would be great if you could just tell me, wouldn't it?

We would save so much time.

'Cause your file here says that you are showing

patterns of victimhood, obsessive compulsion,

chronic apathy.

English. Speak English.

You're a hot mess.

Well yeah, who isn't?

I mean, I got stuff.

I mean, I knew something, I went about it the wrong way,

it cost me my marriage.

There, we got to the bottom of it.

See that? We're making progress, okay?

You ever lose everything, huh? It messes with you.

You got a reference point for that?

Well, this isn't really about how I feel, is it?

It's about you.

Super.

And just for the record, I don't think you're crazy, Detective.

I do think, however,

you are incapable of taking responsibility for yourself.

You're immature, you're egotistical,

and you are cantankerous.

So does this mean you don't wanna go to the prom?

What you need is to care about something again.

How do you feel about taking on a partner?

You just told me I couldn't take care of myself.

How am I supposed to be responsible for someone else?

Exactly.

What?!

Hang on a second.

Yeah?

No, I'm not doing anything.

Oh, yeah.

You're sure it's him?

Okay.

No, no, no. No, I'll handle it.

Okay, thank you, Audrey.

Here you go. Thanks.

I gotta run.

Detective Dancer, we are not nearly finished here.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this was great.

I felt the healing start. This was a good start.

We haven't even started!

We planted the seed. The tree's gonna grow.

Listen, next time we'll do ink blots.

I got some very dark thoughts. We'll talk about all that.

I can breathe. I'm feeling a breakthrough.

It's good job. Good job.

Dr. Jackson for Captain Murray.

Hi, Captain Murray.

No, actually I think it went really well.

I think he's ready.

I don't know if she's gonna be ready.

Hey kid, come here.

What?

Relax, it's okay. I'm a police officer.

Come here.

Am I in trouble?

No, but I am. Let me ask you a question.

You a good guy or a bad guy?

Well?

I'm thinking.

What are you, like 12? It's time to pick a side.

You wanna grow up to be Catwoman

or you wanna grow up to be Wonder Woman?

Darth Vader or Obi-Wan Kenobi?

Captain Kirk or Khan?

I don't know who these people are.

It's okay, I'm old.

All right, let's try this.

How 'bout I give you 10 bucks

and you help me catch a criminal?

Twenty.

Twenty, okay. All right, I like your style.

Here's what I need you to do.

No!

Mutz!

Safe at the plate.

Hey, Dancer!

Nice to see ya.

How did you get back here so quick?

I didn't think you moved that fast.

The question is, Mutz, how fast can you move?

Man, I love these country roads.

How 'bout you, Mutz?

Dancer, you don't have to do this, okay?

I'll tell you whatever you wanna know, man.

Nah, you're not ready yet.

Your head's not clean.

You know what's good for clearing your head?

Running.

I read that. It's scientific.

Come on, man! Slow down!

I'm slipping!

Give me a name, Mutz. Who hired you?

Dancer, he'll kill me if I tell you.

Concentrate on your current situation.

It was Mongrel!

Shut up, I'm trying to think.

See, what I don't understand is I got no beef with Mongrel.

He's just hired muscle, so who put him on to me?

How am I supposed to know?

He just paid me 200 bucks to get you to the club.

I didn't think he was gonna kill you.

You're gonna have to give me something else

or we're gonna have to see how you do on the expressway.

I don't know nothing else!

Okay, road trip.

Okay, okay, okay!

Mongrel said something about washing money.

You mean money laundering?

Washing money in some warehouse.

Skanz's warehouse?

I don't know! Who cares?

How does Kenny Bassett play into all this?

It was 200 bucks!

That's all I know. I swear, that's all I know.

Okay.

Good job, Mutz.

Thanks, Dancer.

So you're gonna take me back to town, right?

What do you think?

Dancer!

Dancer!

I don't know where we are!

It was time to throw a Hail Mary.

I had to confront Skanz,

shake that tree and see what falls out.

And that is when life wound up

and smacked me right in the face.

What are you up to now, Skanz?

Woof! Woof!

Woof!

Wait, wait, wait, you all right? You sound sick as a dog.

No, no, I've just been so dog tired.

You're telling me.

My dogs, they killing me.

What's this?

2-28. You've been assigned a partner.

A partner? Does Murray know about this?

I'm afraid so.

It's what the doctor ordered.

Doggone it.

Officer... Priceless?

Close, it's Princess.

Okay, Princess.

I'm gonna make this really easy on the both of us.

This is not gonna happen.

Good news, bad news, cowboy.

I'm not your partner. She is.

That's gotta be a mistake.

Nope, that's her badge number.

Badge number? It's a dog.

Looks like you got a reprieve, girl.

What's wrong with it?

She's not an it.

She's a police officer, same as you.

I'm paid to feed them, not psychoanalyze them.

Look, she's a good cop. Best nose in the state.

Nose? What do you mean?

She sniffs stuff out and finds stuff?

Within reason.

She's a little high maintenance, but what female isn't?

Look, just don't mess with her baby.

She's very touchy about that.

You're telling me she's pregnant?

What?

No, the stuffed animal, her baby.

You don't know much about dogs, do you?

Or women.

Get in, hurry, before somebody sees.

What am I supposed to do, pick you up?

Fine, look, you can sit in the front seat,

you can sit in the back seat.

For all I care, you can drive the car.

Keep moving, this is between me and her.

But let's get one thing straight right now.

I am the man, you are the dog.

I am the cop, you are the dog.

I am talking to a dog.

Dr. Jackson.

Look, I don't know what you're trying to pull here, lady.

Detective Dancer, working on your people skills.

Look, I'm not crazy. I'm just really ticked off.

Well, that's good.

You and the dog have something in common.

So it's a joke then, sticking me with a dog

that has some kind of mental problem?

Detective, you've been reduced to pushing a file cart.

It's a living.

Yeah, but it's not a life.

Well, thank you, Confucius.

Hey big guy.

Who's a good dog? Who's a good boy?

Now that's a dog, huh?

Good attitude, fun.

You think this is gonna work?

All right, Officer Princess.

Now, why would Kenny hide a necklace

with Skanz's corporate logo on it, huh?

I know you might have a bolt loose,

but you're gonna do what I say and when I say it, okay?

Smell this.

You got it?

I'm guessing that there's a lot of this

in that warehouse over there, like trunks full.

I need you to find it.

So here, take another whiff.

Can I have your attention?

I am Detective Dancer

from the Louisiana Police Department

Special Crimes Division.

Everybody stay where you are.

I have reason to believe

there has been a large amount of cash

placed on this premises for criminal intent.

With me is Officer Princess.

She is a highly trained professional here to assist me.

Do not try to interfere-

Get Mr. Skanz.

or obstruct her in any way.

Thank you.

Okay, show time. Let's see what you can do.

All right, go find the money.

Seek.

Discover.

Search.

Explore.

Come on, just go find the money.

No, Princess. No, not him. No.

No, that's not what I meant.

Just like my lawyer.

How precious.

She does tricks.

No, not this. A lot of money.

Oh, do it again.

No, hey! Not that.

Hey! No, not this.

Where are you going?

Bootsie, no!

Princess!

Detective Dancer.

I don't believe you're on my guest list.

Oh, I'm here on official police business.

But you're not even a detective anymore.

I mean, officially.

Am I right?

I know you're moving money, Skanz.

The only money here tonight is to benefit troubled teens.

Children, Dancer.

I know what you are, Skanz.

See, these people,

they're just not used to seeing a criminal

look like you do.

You should leave before I call a real cop

and have you arrested.

This ain't over, Skanz.

You're unstable, Dancer.

A threat to our community.

I'm filing a restraining order in the morning.

You're done.

Not even Captain Murray can save you this time.

You know, I never get to say this.

I feel very small.

All right, I'm going.

You don't gotta bend the jacket.

This is Mongrel's place.

He tried to kill me,

but I think this is our last chance at cracking this case.

All right, don't try to help me anymore.

Just stay here.

You should be the one laying on the shrink's couch.

Oh boy.

We're closed, pal.

Uh yeah, I'm looking for Mongrel.

Anybody know any Mongrels?

Just my wife.

Hey you, you here to meet my wife?

No, no, no. Hey, hey, whoa fellas.

There's no reason for any of this, okay?

I'm just gonna have a drink, okay?

Here you go.

House special.

What?

You trying to offend me?

That's what it looks like.

Why don't you take a drink?

Because he's a cop.

- He's a cop? - Grab him.

Isn't that right, Dancer?

Hey, Mongrel.

Boy, you bad guys here are always in really good shape.

What, do you guys go to the same gym?

They weren't gonna pay me.

They said I botched the job.

But you're gonna give me a do-over.

Nothing personal.

It's just business.

You're in trouble now.

That is a highly trained police attack dog,

and one word out of me

and she will tear your heads off.

Is that right?

Aww, what a pretty little doggy.

Hmm, what is this?

Whoa!

Are you kidding me?

Get this thing off of me.

Who ordered the hit?

Who do you think?

Your biggest fan.

Is it 'cause I'm getting close on the money laundering?

The what?

Now, Mutz already told me all about it.

Now, how are they getting the money out? Boat? Plane?

You're an idiot. They're not shipping money out,

they're bringing it in, $3 million.

Come on, Mongrel, $3 million is chump change.

Certainly not worth all this aggravation.

- In singles. - Excuse me?

In 1-dollar bills. They got a buyer.

Connected guy out of Chicago.

Poocharelli.

Now, why would anyone wanna sell the mob

3 million 1-dollar bills?

Man, that's the word.

Now, man, get this thing off of me.

All right, let him go, Princess.

I don't want him to give you worms.

All right.

We got some good information in there,

but you can't go off all crazy and half-cocked like that.

You can't react emotionally.

You gotta be like me, calm and collected.

All right, all right. It was a good job.

Just for the record, I had him right where I wanted him.

I guess I gotta feed you, huh?

Let's get you a bag of kibble or whatever it is you eat.

I'm sorry, sir, but your pet will need to be leashed.

My what? Oh.

Didn't you grab it before we left the party?

You can't walk around naked.

Come on.

Would you please make up your mind?

How about this one?

This one?

$125?!

How much money are you making, take home?

Hey, we are not getting this.

Hey, how about we swap your old toy for this one?

Come on, that one looks like a used cough drop.

Would you just choose something?

Look, how about these? Look, these look good, huh?

Huh? A red one? A blue one?

Beef and liver, mmm, sounds good.

They're organic.

What is this?

Chicken and rice.

Oh, poached salmon and veggies.

You know I don't eat this good?

Women.

Do you know what a conundrum is?

A conundrum:

question for which there is no simple answer.

As in, why is Kenny Bassett in a coma

and Rick Dancer walking around?

I sent you to retrieve a necklace

and instead I get a teenager in a coma

and the bothersome attention that said teen attracts.

The cops think it's just a mugging.

Obviously there is one cop who does not.

Dancer?

Where is my necklace?

The kid didn't have it on him.

Until my necklace is returned, my position is compromised.

Not only did you fail, you left a loose end.

Give me your gun.

You led Dancer right to me.

You shot me in the foot!

Has our friend from Cleveland arrived yet?

He just checked in.

Good, see that he's comfortable.

And clean this mess up, and this time I want it done right.

Yeah, I know.

The cleaning lady called in sick this year.

Dinner time.

There you go.

What, you want it heated up, too?

Anybody ever tell you,

for a dog, you're worse than a cat?

You tried to sabotage my marriage.

Why can't you just admit it?

You two were separated.

You told me yourself you didn't love him anymore.

Okay, look, that's Dawn.

Look, pay attention.

Okay, she looks good, but she's nasty.

Bad business.

Dawn never takes responsibility.

And the other one, that's Josie.

She's okay, she's just not that bright.

You two deserve each other.

You know, I give them a week

and Ed will come crawling back to me.

Yeah, I know. I hate her voice too.

It's sad. She needs to move on.

All right, you just stay here.

Oh, sorry! Sorry.

What am I doing?

Okay, okay! Don't use all the hot water.

What is happening?

Sleep wherever you want, but I ain't sharing the bed.

Don't even think about it.

No! No!

No! Hey, no!

You are a bad house guest.

Now look, what are you doing?

Okay.

You think you're pretty smart, huh?

Gotcha.

All right, how 'bout this?

There we go. You having fun?

All right, all aboard the laundry room express.

I don't open doors for you.

I'm too sloppy for you.

Guess what?

That means that you and your new expensive collar

can sleep in here, okay?

How 'bout that?

Good night.

Move.

Well, you think you're so smart.

Let's see you open the door with no thumbs.

I told you, I am the man, you are the dog.

I am the superior species.

No, no, it's too late for that.

You had your chance to play nice.

What is it now?!

You're very loud!

Keep it down, I'm working.

I should've studied more in high school.

You just don't know who it is you're playing with.

Who's your boss?

No, Princess! No!

Why can't they have police fish?

Cut out all that racket!

What is it?

You okay? You want your baby?

I'll get it for you.

Ugh.

That's not good.

Here, I'm sorry.

Detective Dancer, it is late.

Yeah, listen. I'm really sorry.

But we were at home tonight.

We were having dinner

and we were watching "Housewives,"

and it was going really good.

But then when we went to bed, she wouldn't get out of my bed.

So I had to drag her down the hallway on a blanket

and then I went into the laundry room

and I accidentally poured bleach in the washing machine

and I bleached the thing.

And I'm not sure what's wrong, but she won't stop crying.

Princess, to me.

Hi, baby girl. You're home.

Okay, come on in.

Hey Princess, good girl.

Princess!

Look who's here!

Princess, come here!

I see you two have met.

Yeah, see.

That's strange behavior.

What is that about?

Hey honey, will you see if Princess has to go out?

Princess, to me.

I think that she is looking for my husband.

Oh, it's so late.

I'm sorry. I hope I didn't interrupt.

No, no, not at all.

My husband is deceased.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Looks like Dancer's playing house.

Let's find out who lives here.

Ruby is asking if Princess can spend the night.

Sure, you can keep her for all I care.

I'll pick the dog up in the morning.

Good plan.

Hey listen, the other day when I was over here

yelling at you about had you ever experienced loss.

Look, I didn't realize, and I'm sorry.

I didn't know your husband,

but I'd heard about him through the vine.

He was a good cop.

Thanks.

They ever catch who did that?

Cold case.

Can I get you something?

Water, soda, tea?

A tea.

Okay.

So, you know, what's the story with Princess?

Well, I think she's been battling

post-traumatic stress.

It's what usually follows a big loss.

She must really miss him, huh?

Well, she was with Kyle the night he was killed.

And these dogs, these K-9s,

they're trained to sacrifice their life

for their human partners, so I honestly believe

that she blames herself for Kyle's death.

Why can't she live here? She seems happy enough.

Yeah, and we love her.

She's so sweet.

It's just that she's not a family pet.

She's a police officer.

She needs a purpose to be happy.

And you know,

I think the reason that she freaked out on you tonight

was when you washed her baby,

you washed the scent off Kyle's bandana.

That was her last link to him.

Seems like me and that dog have a lot in common.

We're both nuts.

Well, I don't know about the dog.

Hey!

Oh, excuse me, this is my emergency line. Sorry.

Hello?

Yeah, Mrs. Corso, okay.

Let's just practice those breathing exercises, okay?

Four counts in, four counts out.

Can I have a drink of water?

Your mom's on the phone.

I don't know where you keep your water.

It's in the sink.

Right.

Thank you.

Okay, so, good night, right?

Will you tell me a story?

Well, I'm a cop. I gotta chase bad guys.

I don't really- I mean, I don't know any.

All right.

Okay, let's see.

Once upon a time,

the Big Bad Wolf was up to no good.

He was out gambling and drinking,

and because of this, he couldn't make his mortgage payment.

So, he was out with the seven dwarves,

and one of 'em tipped him off

that Cinderella got this new pair of glass slippers

that was very expensive.

It was probably Dopey.

I don't think that's how it goes.

Who's telling this, me or you?

Okay.

Anyway, her slippers get stolen,

but Cinderella knows it's the Big Bad Wolf.

But lucky for her, she's got a friend on the police force,

Detective Charming.

Now, he's not your typical Prince Charming.

He kinda let himself go a little bit,

but he's still a very good looking man.

He just doesn't wear a cape and tights, okay?

He follows the Big Bad Wolf back to his house,

and he looks through his special camera,

and he sees that the slippers are in there on the table.

So he grabs his police bullhorn and he yells out,

"Bring out those slippers or I'll take you to jail."

And the Big Bad Wolf says,

"You'll never take me alive, copper!"

Does Detective Charming get the princess's slippers?

Wait for it.

So, Detective Charming knows he's gotta go in there,

but he doesn't wanna go alone, so he calls for backup,

'cause you never go in without backup.

The S.W.A.T. team shows up.

They surround the Big Bad Wolf's house.

They pump three cans of tear gas into the house.

The wolf chokes.

He comes out, falls on the lawn, they cuff him.

He's now serving 3 to 5 in the state pen.

Detective Charming got the shoes back to Cinderella

and she was so happy, they went to dinner and a movie.

The end.

All right, good night.

Okay, okay.

Good night, Mrs. Corso.

Sorry about that.

Some of my clients are a little bit of a handful.

Listen, this arrangement that you've prescribed,

is it to help me or the dog?

It is-well, you are Princess's last chance.

She's been biting people, she's been moody,

and she's scheduled to be put down.

I know how she feels.

Well you know, we still have our evaluation to finish up.

Yeah, about that, doc.

Sitting in your office, it makes me feel all mental.

Okay, then I will do what I can.

I'll see what I can do about making you feel less mental.

Thank you.

All right, good night.

Thanks for coming in early.

Am I gonna get in trouble for helping you?

Yep.

Is it true?

You took out six guys with five shots?

Don't believe everything you hear, kid.

See, yeah, that's what I got.

What is that?

Hey, any word from your friend at the FBI?

He said Poocharelli's in town.

They got his phone tapped and he's meeting someone for lunch.

Here's the address.

This is federal stuff.

You don't have jurisdiction.

It's encrypted. You need a key.

A key?

A companion piece of software that goes with that one.

Okay.

All right, pull the Bassett file.

Get me Kenny's girlfriend's number, Shawna.

I was never here.

Hey kid, it was four shots.

Hey, sorry about the new look,

but Ruby decided to give her a bit of a makeover this morning.

You look very unprofessional.

So I thought after all the drama last night,

maybe we could continue that evaluation downtown today?

Yeah, how 'bout we grab some lunch?

Oh, okay!

Let me go grab Ruby, and just text me where to meet you.

Great. Come on.

All right, here's what we know so far.

Poocharelli's eating lunch here

and he's here to buy 3 million 1-dollar bills.

Skanz had Kenny Bassett put in the hospital over some software.

Somehow, those two things are related.

Plus, if we take this thing any further,

we're probably both gonna get killed.

You in?

All right, me too.

Remember you said that.

Come on!

Hey, Princess!

This was a great choice.

This is one of my favorite spots.

Oh, good.

Sir, dogs are only allowed on the outside patio.

There are no exceptions.

I'll handle this, love.

Do you know who you're looking at?

This is the biggest dog star on the planet.

She's in town to film the new movie, "Rin Tin Tin."

Be that as it may, sir,

dogs are not allowed in this dining room.

All right, then. How 'bout this?

Do you know what happens when a film crew comes to a town?

Economic stimulation.

I'd hate to tell your mayor

that you was the reason that we packed up

and headed back to England.

Or better yet, how 'bout I call TMZ, have 'em come down here,

and crawl up your backside with a camera?

I think we can make an exception, sir.

That's a good choice, love.

I wanna be out on the deck, all right?

We're going that way, okay?

You know what?

On second thought, the patio'll be fine.

Follow me.

You have so many issues.

I'm in a theatre group. Let's just eat.

You're gonna single-handedly put my kid through college.

Sir, your dog cannot sit at the table.

Oh, hey, down. Come on.

Good, welcome to the restaurant.

My name is Jacques and I will be

your culinary fusion contemporary guide for today.

Have you ever been a guest of ours before?

What do you think?

Our specials of the day-

Are you okay?

soy steak medley, yes, with a glazed raspberry--

Sir, your dog, please.

Mr. Poocharelli.

Never would've imagined a place like this

would be your restaurant of choice.

Yeah, well, I gotta keep a low profile.

The feds are all over me like ticks on a dead dog.

Quite, but I do sympathize.

I, myself, have a similar issue.

Sir, your dog.

Princess.

Where was I? Oh, yes.

This is not going to work.

Sir, are you okay?

So why the unexpected visit?

There's been a change of plans.

The deal goes down tonight.

That's impossible. The money isn't ready.

There's already too much heat, so the money goes tonight.

- Or what? - Or no deal.

Do something with this man. I am very weak in my-

You expect me to eat this poison?

Look what it did to that poor jerk over there.

Would you like something? Maybe have a glass of water.

Maybe you could just give us a minute.

I s he allergic to fine dining, perhaps?

All right, let's eat.

All right, I hate to break this up, but it's time to go.

Come on, Princess, in the car.

Princess, come on.

It's mostly hand signals.

This is sit...

This is down...

And this is when you want her to find something.

Is there, like, a manual or something that I could read?

Ruby, honey, let's get in the car, okay?

There you go, baby.

So, I just got off the phone with Captain Murray

who's asking about your progress.

Well, about that.

What exactly am I supposed to tell him?

That was Skanz in there.

You're right, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to-

Yeah, I'm right.

If you ever put me and my daughter in harm's way again,

I don't-you need to start taking responsibility

for your actions, Detective.

What are you looking at? Let's go.

Hey, Shawna. Thanks for coming.

How's Kenny?

He's out of the coma, but he's still in ICU.

They beat him up pretty bad.

Listen, I'm gonna find the guys that did this.

So, why do you want this?

Well, I think the people who hurt Kenny

were looking for this.

I don't understand.

I just think it's safer for you

if I hold onto it for a little bit, okay?

Good luck.

Stay out of trouble. Thank you!

Who's a good detective? Who's a good detective?

Okay, now see, the beauty of an Icee

is in its simplicity, okay?

It's ice and cherry syrup, all right?

Come on, I'll show you.

You're probably not gonna like this.

It's not made with distilled water

or cherries picked by monks.

Hey, you want a sip?

All right, here.

Just a little sip. That's it though, okay?

A little-hey, you hog. Aw, look what you did.

You're ruining a perfectly good Icee.

Down!

Princess!

Oh, that was uncomfortable, huh?

Wait 'til the guys in cell block D find out

an officer named Princess took you down.

I'd call her off, but she hasn't had lunch yet.

Sit down, Dancer.

Look, before you start, let me-

Shut, shut, shut up, Dancer!

This is Special Agent Shepherd, FBI.

What brings the FBI to town?

You know this guy?

Never seen him.

You sure about that?

We thought another family hired you to take Poocharelli out.

Look, a kid named Billy Mutz--

Billy Mutz is in the emergency room now,

hoping they can sew his toe back on.

The Comstock Corporation,

the fine folks that own the Save-A-Buk franchise,

are suing for damages.

I got a list of the city's most prominent

swearing out affidavits

that you busted up Eric Skanz's party.

Eric Skanz is in the building right now

filing a restraining order on you!

Look, I'm sorry if I stepped on some toes.

I don't care about Poocharelli.

Oh, and I don't care about you.

I've got 4 years and 7,000 hours of man power

invested in the Poocharelli crime syndicate.

How many of those hours did you use

to figure out that an overweight cop

and a dog with curlers in its hair weren't an elite hit team?

Oh, you need to put the leash on your boy, Captain.

Look, if Poocharelli and Skanz are in bed together,

it proves I was right.

I know they're laundering money.

More the reason for you to stand down.

You're on my turf and you're out of line.

Officer Friendly, whenever you feel free!

Give me your gun and your badge.

Come on, Tony.

You're not gonna let this guy push you around.

You're suspended with pay

until the department completes a full investigation.

What about Princess?

The dog.

She stays here too.

Tony, they're gonna put her down.

That's more blood on your hands.

I would love to stay here and referee

this little lover's spat of yours,

but I've got real police work to do.

Of all the stupid-- you lame-brained rubber lip!

I warned you, Dancer!

I told you you'd be out there without a net!

You just saw. You know I'm right!

How close are you?

What?

You're washed up, Dancer!

You couldn't break a case if it was staring you in the face!

Come here.

They're moving money, soon. I'm sure of it.

I just don't quite know when. Something's just a little off.

Oh, all these excuses with you.

All the time, excuses!

You got one lifeline.

Call it and I bring the calvary.

Make it count.

So, do we hug?

- Get out. - It was a joke.

Get out. Get out!

I'm surrounded.

What's the matter, girl?

Huh, what's the matter?

What's the matter?

Princess, what's wrong?

Princess, what's wrong?

Princess!

Princess, what's wrong?

Princess!

Drive! Now!

Princess!

Princess!

What is up with this dog?

Faster!

Crazy mutt!

He's still coming!

Faster!

Lose this mutt.

I think we lost him.

Warehouse.

She is such an evil little liar.

She will say and do anything just to get what she wants.

Let's see what you got for me.

What is that?

Three million in singles.

In 1-dollar bills.

Mongrel said something about washing money in some warehouse.

Come on, think, think, think.

She thinks the whole world owes her everything.

What am I missing?

Come on, now think, think.

Ugh.

Everyone's hoping for us to fail, but you know,

I'm not gonna let that happen.

You just wait and see.

I got you.

Audrey, hey, listen. I cracked this thing wide open.

Dancer, Captain Murray said you can't.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

Listen, Skanz is printing and shipping out counterfeit bills,

and I'm pretty sure that I know where.

So, here's what I need you to do.

I need you to break me into the kennel

so I can bust my partner out.

Didn't you hear? Princess ran away.

What? Well, where is she?

She's still lost. They're out looking for her now.

I'll find her.

Did you lose somebody?

I did, but I thought she was-

I can't stay long. I've got Ruby asleep in the car.

She showed up at the house, so I called the precinct

and they said that she chased after Eric Skanz.

Everything that you have in this town is because of me.

Look at that, she's picking up all your bad habits.

Maybe if you weren't such a controlling

you'd know how to hold on to your man.

What bad habits?

I know, right?

Hey, I figured out Skanz's angle.

He's printing counterfeit money

with a program Kenny Bassett wrote.

When Kenny found out what they were using it for,

he swiped it back to get leverage to get away from Skanz,

which is why they showed up and did a number on him.

- What are you gonna do? - Prove I'm not crazy.

Well, Detective-

Just let me grab a couple things.

Rick, Rick, I need to talk to you about something.

Not a lot of time.

Everyone thinks that they know Ed,

but they don't know him like I do.

All right, girl. You got one more in you?

Come on, let's go catch this bad guy.

Come on, what are you doing? I taped this for us.

Ruby! Ruby?

Ruby!

Ruby's gone.

Maybe she just-maybe she just woke up and wandered off.

- Yeah? - Hello, Detective Dancer.

- Nicole. - Ruby!

Nicole, Nicole.

If you and your girlfriend wanna see the kid again,

all you have to do is nothing.

Just spend a cozy evening on the couch together

and this'll all be over in the morning.

If you hurt that kid-

Wait, wait, where are you going?

I'm going to get Ruby.

No, he said we had to go back inside.

He said we had to stay there and Ruby would be okay.

Nicole--

No, I lost my husband to this already.

I can't bury my daughter.

All right, look.

After this deal goes down tonight,

Skanz is gonna need her anymore.

She's gonna be a witness.

I need you to stay focused for Ruby, okay?

Skanz killed Kyle.

I know.

Captain Murray and I put you with Princess

to try to prove it.

I know.

All right, if I'm not back in an hour, call Murray,

tell him to go here.

Tell him I'm using my lifeline.

Princess, to me.

I know.

I never thought I'd ever see what $300 million looks like.

You still haven't. It's really only $3 million.

I know that.

But if it was $300 million, this is what it would look like.

It feels really real.

That's because it is really real, you tool.

They're just not real 100-dollar bills.

They're not real 100-dollar bills.

- What? - Nothing.

Come on, we're running out of time.

I was sure this was the place.

Murray told me to stand down.

I should've listened.

Ruby'd be home with her mom tonight.

All right, God, look.

I know I haven't talk to you in a long time,

so I'm just gonna come clean.

I have let my need to be right push away or destroy

everything I've ever loved in my life.

And I ain't asking for me,

but if you help me find this little girl and get her home,

I will start to care again.

I promise.

You saw that, right?

Come on, they're watching the front.

We'll go around the back.

Okay, come on, come on. All right, now be quiet.

Let's go, come on.

Kinda like trick-or-treating.

What?

Trick-or-treating.

This $3 million is wearing a $300 million Halloween costume.

Okay, hey, listen.

We're not gonna play super cops tonight, okay?

I want you to forget Skanz.

I want you to find Ruby. You understand?

Here.

You got it? You got her?

Okay, find Ruby.

How long before the bleach smell goes away?

I really don't care.

Louis, you're supposed to be with the girl.

I wanted to see the money, Mr. Skanz.

Okay, okay.

When this is all over, can I shoot him?

Absolutely.

I got a dinner break in 2 minutes, you answer it.

I'm going to the track tomorrow.

I'm handicapping.

- Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. - Paper beats rock, I win.

I never understood how paper beats rock.

Do you know the damage I could do

to a piece of paper with a rock?

Come on, two out of three.

It's not real 100-dollar bills.

Nice doggy.

Nice.

Nice doggy.

Nice doggy.

Heh, heh.

Dancer?

- Hey. - Where are we?

We are at the bad guy's place.

Remember, like I told you about in your story?

It's very dangerous here, so you be quiet

so that I can get you home nice and safe, okay?

Come on.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

I win.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

I win.

Oh.

Captain Murray!

No, no, no, no, no, no. Listen to me!

Listen to me. Skanz has Ruby.

Yes.

Okay, look. I have an address for you.

Dancer gave me an address. Write this down.

Poocharelli's here.

Get Louis and the girl.

This way.

Change of plans.

I'm gonna need you to be very small and very quiet.

Is the Big Bad Wolf here?

Yes he is, but so is Detective Charming.

Did you call for backup?

Be quiet.

Be quiet, like a church mouse.

Louis?

$30 million for $300 million.

You're welcome.

We shall do this again very soon.

All right, let's get in the van.

We ain't got all night, huh?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa what's this?

I can handle it.

It's a set up! Come on! Get the cash, let's go!

You can go, money stays here.

You're crazy. You're crazy.

Hotter, hotter, cold.

Hotter, cold.

Hotter, hotter, hot.

Cold. Brr, cold.

Two bad guys, no bullets.

That kid Russel's never gonna believe this.

All right, let's finish it.

It's the feds, get out of here!

Spread out.

You two, take the exits.

Jackpot, people.

Hey, hey, I got this, all right?

You and your people are just in the way.

Kiss my crawfish, one of my men is in there.

I'd like to stick around, but I have real police work to do.

Secure the area!

Don't let anyone get away!

Freeze, Skanz. Nowhere to run.

Drop the bags and put the gun down.

Turn around.

Good, now walk.

I finally got you, Skanz.

Let's go out front.

Guess what, the cops and the feds are out there.

All here to witness a rogue cop gone bad.

You got in bed with the mob, tried to frame me.

Who do you think they're gonna believe, Dancer?

The city's most benevolent citizen or a mental cop?

It's all about who's telling the story.

Captain Murray, did you find her?

Is she here?

It's too dangerous, get back in the car.

Get her out of here!

Get your hands off me.

This is where Dancer said he was gonna be.

Get back in the car. Get back in the car!

Mommy!

Ruby?! Ruby, where are you?

Mommy!

Ruby, no!

All you had to do was just stay home.

Now look what you've done.

Drop your gun.

Okay, okay.

Now let her go.

I don't think I will.

There is no reason to hurt that little girl.

Just tell me what you want.

I wanted my $30 million!

But I'll have to settle for the fact

that you won't bother me ever again!

Princess!

Ruby!

Freeze! Hands behind your hand.

Mommy!

Do you know who I am?

Be quiet, that's who you are.

Call for help. Did you hear what I said?

Call for help. We got an officer down.

You're okay, girl.

Hold on. You're gonna be fine.

You're gonna be okay. Call for help!

10-22 to base.

Shots fired, requesting immediate medical evac.

It's okay, girl.

You're gonna be okay. It's okay.

How's she doing, doc?

Well, she's lost a lot of blood.

I did all that I can do.

It's up to her how hard she fights to make it back to us.

Is it all right if I go in?

Definitely.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Hey, girl.

I just came by to tell you that you done real good.

I want you to know some stuff.

You know, because of you, Ruby's at home with her mom tonight.

Because of you, Eric Skanz is in jail.

And because of you, I'm still here.

This caring stuff is for the dogs.

I brought you something.

Huh?

See, the one thing I didn't get to tell you about an Icee

is you have to drink 'em quick or they melt away.

So, I need you to get better real fast, okay?

If you don't mind,

I'm just gonna sit here with you for a little while.

Without further ado,

it is my honor to present one of the most decorated members

of our police department, Detective Richard Dancer.

Thank you, Mayor Mayo.

We are here today to honor K-9 officer, Princess.

I've been asked to say a few words on her behalf.

Officers who work with K-9 units in the field

will tell you very quickly that the dog becomes your friend,

your partner, and your protector.

And we, in turn, become their love and their life,

and they stay faithful and true

until the last beat of your heart.

We owe it to them to be worthy of such devotion.

Thank you for being here.

Captain?

In recognition of a police officer's

conspicuous bravery and heroism

above and beyond normal police service,

it is my duty, my privilege, and my honor,

to award the Medal of Valor to K-9 Officer Princess.

It is also my duty...

blah, blah, blah, Medal of Valor,

blah, blah, blah, Detective Richard Dancer.

Welcome back, Detective.

Thank you, sir.

He's not your typical Prince Charming.

So things worked out in the end,

and the lesson is, don't give up.

If I can change, so can anyone.

And hopefully, you won't have to go through all that aggravation.