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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,003 --> 00:00:03,370 WE'RE ON A LIMITED BUDGET, CHEYENNE. 2 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,141 JUST 'CAUSE THE DIAPERS SAY "DISPOSABLE," IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T USE 'EM TWICE. 3 00:00:09,612 --> 00:00:12,513 - WHAT'S GOIN' ON? - OH, VAN'S BEIN' ALL CHEAP AGAIN... 4 00:00:12,582 --> 00:00:15,461 'CAUSE HE'S WAITING FOR THE TEAM TO RENEW HIS CONTRACT. 5 00:00:15,485 --> 00:00:18,052 - WHAT'S YOUR AGENT SAY? - I DON'T KNOW. LET ME ASK HIM. 6 00:00:18,121 --> 00:00:20,388 VAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT TRYIN' TO GET MORE MONEY? 7 00:00:20,457 --> 00:00:22,657 GEE, I THINK IT'S BEST NOT TO ROCK THE BOAT. 8 00:00:22,725 --> 00:00:25,526 HE SAYS IT'S BEST NOT TO ROCK THE BOAT. 9 00:00:25,594 --> 00:00:28,829 VAN, YOU CAN'T BE YOUR OWN AGENT. THE TEAM WON'T TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY. 10 00:00:28,898 --> 00:00:31,966 WHAT IF I USE A FAKE ACCENT ON THE PHONE? 11 00:00:32,034 --> 00:00:35,269 THAT OFFER'S A BLOODY INSULT. 12 00:00:35,338 --> 00:00:38,706 CAN YOU GIVE US TWO MORE QUID FOR THE TROLLEY? 13 00:00:42,345 --> 00:00:45,379 HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I COULD NEGOTIATE YOUR DEAL. 14 00:00:45,448 --> 00:00:48,049 WHY, JUST YESTERDAY I CRIED MY WAY OUT OF A TICKET. 15 00:00:49,185 --> 00:00:51,852 ARE YOU BOTH OUT OF YOUR MINDS? 16 00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:54,021 VAN, YOU NEED A PROFESSIONAL. 17 00:00:54,090 --> 00:00:56,301 A FOOTBALL CAREER WON'T LAST FOREVER, 18 00:00:56,325 --> 00:00:59,171 AND YOU NEED TO GET ALL THE MONEY YOU POSSIBLY CAN NOW. 19 00:00:59,195 --> 00:01:01,963 ALL RIGHT. FINE. I'LL GET A REAL AGENT. GOOD. 20 00:01:02,031 --> 00:01:03,965 LET BROCK BE YOUR AGENT. 21 00:01:04,033 --> 00:01:07,368 I SWEAR, I HAVE TO TELL EVERYBODY TO DO EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. 22 00:01:07,436 --> 00:01:10,638 I'M GETTIN' SICK OF IT. SICK! SICK! SICK! 23 00:01:10,707 --> 00:01:15,209 THAT ONE'S GOT A RIGHT HAIRY TEMPER, SHE DOES. 24 00:01:18,648 --> 00:01:20,348 HA, HEY! 25 00:01:20,416 --> 00:01:23,150 ♪ MY ROOTS ARE PLANTED IN THE PAST ♪ 26 00:01:23,219 --> 00:01:25,586 ♪ THOUGH MY LIFE IS CHANGING FAST ♪ 27 00:01:25,655 --> 00:01:29,657 ♪ WHO I AM IS WHO I WANT TO BE ♪ 28 00:01:29,725 --> 00:01:32,460 ♪ A SINGLE MOM WHO WORKS TOO HARD ♪ 29 00:01:32,528 --> 00:01:35,195 ♪ WHO LOVES HER KIDS AND NEVER STOPS ♪ 30 00:01:35,264 --> 00:01:36,831 ♪ WITH GENTLE HANDS ♪ 31 00:01:36,899 --> 00:01:38,766 ♪ AND THE HEART OF A FIGHTER ♪ 32 00:01:41,570 --> 00:01:45,406 ♪ I'M A SURVIVOR ♪♪ 33 00:01:51,347 --> 00:01:55,983 OH, SHOOT, LORI ANN. I WAS LOOKIN' FORWARD TO SEEIN' YA. 34 00:01:56,052 --> 00:01:58,652 NO, NO, NO. IF HE LEFT THE PRIESTHOOD FOR YA, 35 00:01:58,721 --> 00:02:01,022 THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS GO TO JAMAICA WITH HIM. 36 00:02:03,226 --> 00:02:06,994 YEAH, OKAY. CALL ME WHEN YOU GET BACK. BYE. 37 00:02:07,063 --> 00:02:09,530 - LORI ANN'S NOT FLYING IN? - NO. 38 00:02:09,598 --> 00:02:11,910 I HAD SO MUCH I NEEDED TO TALK TO HER ABOUT. 39 00:02:11,934 --> 00:02:15,135 WELL, YOU CAN TALK TO ME. OH, THANKS, CHEYENNE, 40 00:02:15,204 --> 00:02:18,606 BUT MOST OF IT WAS ABOUT YOU, AND YOU TEND TO TAKE YOUR SIDE. 41 00:02:20,743 --> 00:02:24,645 HEY, MOM. HEY, "GIRL IN BLONDE" JOKES. 42 00:02:24,714 --> 00:02:28,783 WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT RED HAIR, KYRA. 43 00:02:29,852 --> 00:02:32,019 YOU'RE LUCKY MOM'S HERE. 44 00:02:35,124 --> 00:02:38,292 CONGRATULATE ME. THE TOP AGENT IN MY LEAGUE MIGHT REPRESENT ME. 45 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:40,294 WOW. THAT'S FANTASTIC. 46 00:02:40,363 --> 00:02:42,629 - WHY "MIGHT"? - YEAH, WHAT'S THE CATCH? 47 00:02:42,698 --> 00:02:44,676 WELL, SHE WON'T REPRESENT PROBLEM ATHLETES, 48 00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:47,802 SO HER BIG THING IS TO MEET THE FAMILY AND CHECK 'EM OUT. 49 00:02:47,871 --> 00:02:50,638 WAIT, WAIT. SO SHE'S GONNA JUDGE US? 50 00:02:50,706 --> 00:02:53,875 I HATE BEING JUDGED. I LOVE JUDGING. 51 00:02:53,943 --> 00:02:57,345 YOU BETTER GIVE ME PLENTY OF WARNING BEFORE THIS WOMAN COMES OVER. 52 00:02:57,413 --> 00:02:59,859 SHE'LL BE HERE IN TWO HOURS. WHAT? 53 00:02:59,883 --> 00:03:02,783 JUST DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR TAKES TWO HOURS! 54 00:03:02,852 --> 00:03:05,753 HOLD ALL MY CALLS. I'LL BE IN MY CLOSET. 55 00:03:05,821 --> 00:03:08,556 DON'T WORRY, VAN. WE'LL MAKE YOU PROUD. 56 00:03:08,625 --> 00:03:11,125 PROUD? LOOK AROUND THIS PLACE, BUDDY. 57 00:03:11,193 --> 00:03:14,662 YOU LIVE WITH THE DIVORCED MOTHER OF YOUR TEENAGE BRIDE DUE TO PREGNANCY... 58 00:03:14,731 --> 00:03:17,765 WHOSE DAD RAN OFF WITH HIS DENTAL ASSISTANT, ALSO WITH CHILD. 59 00:03:19,569 --> 00:03:23,037 I MAY CLAIM TO BE PREGNANT JUST TO FIT IN. 60 00:03:23,105 --> 00:03:26,740 SHE'S RIGHT. WE'RE PRACTICALLY CIRCUS PEOPLE! 61 00:03:28,144 --> 00:03:29,510 PRACTICALLY? 62 00:03:29,578 --> 00:03:32,680 PUT BARBRA JEAN IN A TINY CAR, AND WE COULD SELL TICKETS. 63 00:03:45,595 --> 00:03:48,028 JAKE, WHY ARE YOU WEARIN' LAST YEAR'S CHURCH SUIT? 64 00:03:48,097 --> 00:03:51,566 VAN TOLD ME I HAD TO DRESS UP IF I WANTED TO COME OUT OF MY ROOM... 65 00:03:51,634 --> 00:03:54,301 SO I WOULDN'T MAKE HIM LOOK BAD. 66 00:03:54,370 --> 00:03:57,238 WHO LOOKS BAD NOW? 67 00:03:59,275 --> 00:04:02,409 - WHERE'S YOUR NEW SUIT? - REMEMBER FOR HALLOWEEN, 68 00:04:02,478 --> 00:04:04,745 HOW I ASKED IF I COULD BE A BUSINESSMAN... 69 00:04:04,814 --> 00:04:07,815 WHO GOT STABBED A THOUSAND TIMES, BUT YOU SAID NO? 70 00:04:07,884 --> 00:04:11,252 WELL, I KIND OF ALREADY MADE THE COSTUME. 71 00:04:13,022 --> 00:04:15,789 I'M SENDING MYSELF TO MY ROOM NOW. 72 00:04:15,858 --> 00:04:17,791 MM-HMM. 73 00:04:21,598 --> 00:04:24,932 SO, HOW DO I LOOK? 74 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,101 CHEYENNE, MY AGENT'S A WOMAN. PUT THOSE AWAY. 75 00:04:30,406 --> 00:04:34,141 GUYS, JUST CALM DOWN. EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE. 76 00:04:38,148 --> 00:04:41,849 - HERE WE GO. - IS THE SPORTS AGENT HERE? 77 00:04:41,918 --> 00:04:44,518 OH, VAN, THIS IS SO EXCITIN'. 78 00:04:44,587 --> 00:04:48,021 JERRY MAGUIRE IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE EVER. 79 00:04:49,592 --> 00:04:54,628 I HAVE WRITTEN TOM CRUISE OVER 1,500 LETTERS. 80 00:04:54,697 --> 00:04:57,598 MRS. H, THE CIRCUS IS IN TOWN. 81 00:05:01,670 --> 00:05:05,106 BARBRA JEAN, I'M SURE THE AGENT JUST WANTS TO MEET THE FAMILY. 82 00:05:05,174 --> 00:05:08,643 I AM FAMILY. AND I WOULD NEVER MISS A FAMILY MEETING. 83 00:05:08,711 --> 00:05:12,412 ESPECIALLY WHEN I'M ALL ALONE OVER THERE IN THAT GREAT BIG HOUSE... 84 00:05:12,481 --> 00:05:15,049 KYRA OFF AT A CONCERT, WALLS CLOSING IN, 85 00:05:15,118 --> 00:05:17,184 BOTTLE OF JACK CALLIN' MY NAME. 86 00:05:20,623 --> 00:05:23,890 I'LL GET IT. I'LL GET IT. 87 00:05:23,959 --> 00:05:26,894 YES, TED, I'M SURE IT'S A VERY, VERY NICE OFFER. 88 00:05:26,963 --> 00:05:29,130 YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK I'M GONNA DO? 89 00:05:29,198 --> 00:05:32,700 I'LL TAKE IT HOME AND PUT IT IN THE BOTTOM OF MY BIRDCAGE. 90 00:05:32,768 --> 00:05:34,747 LISTEN TO ME, TED. IT'S VERY SIMPLE. 91 00:05:34,771 --> 00:05:36,548 MY CLIENT MAKES YOUR FANS HAPPY. 92 00:05:36,572 --> 00:05:39,806 AND HAPPY FANS BUY TICKETS AND PAY FOR PARKING... 93 00:05:39,875 --> 00:05:43,410 AND ENJOY THAT EXPENSIVE TINKLE WATER THAT YOU CALL BEER. 94 00:05:43,479 --> 00:05:45,912 I'LL GET BACK TO YOU. 95 00:05:45,982 --> 00:05:48,316 I'M SO SORRY. SADIE OWENS. 96 00:05:48,384 --> 00:05:51,318 - REBA HART. I'M VAN'S MOTHER-IN-LAW. - THAT WAS AWESOME. 97 00:05:52,488 --> 00:05:54,855 TINKLE WATER. 98 00:05:54,924 --> 00:05:57,658 OH, THIS IS MY WIFE, CHEYENNE. HI. NICE TO MEET YOU. 99 00:05:57,727 --> 00:06:00,160 BARBRA JEAN HART. HEY. 100 00:06:00,229 --> 00:06:04,598 REBA AND I HAVE THE SAME LAST NAME BECAUSE I MARRIED HER EX, BROCK. 101 00:06:06,235 --> 00:06:08,169 WE'RE CURRENTLY SEPARATED, 102 00:06:08,237 --> 00:06:11,572 BUT HIS TEENAGE DAUGHTER, KYRA, STILL LIVES WITH ME EVEN THOUGH BROCK MOVED OUT. 103 00:06:14,276 --> 00:06:17,011 HE'S ON PILLS. 104 00:06:19,349 --> 00:06:22,683 SO, SHOULD WE ALL SIT DOWN? OH, PLEASE, SIT, YES. 105 00:06:22,751 --> 00:06:24,918 YES, YES, SIT. 106 00:06:24,987 --> 00:06:29,023 SO, THIS IS MY HOME. THESE ARE MY PEEPS. 107 00:06:31,361 --> 00:06:33,861 SADIE, I JUST LOVE THAT JERRY MAGUIRE. 108 00:06:33,929 --> 00:06:36,797 WHEN CUBA GOODING JR. ASKED TOM CRUISE... 109 00:06:36,866 --> 00:06:40,500 IF HE SHOPLIFTED THE POOTY... 110 00:06:40,569 --> 00:06:43,470 I ABOUT SPIT UP. 111 00:06:43,539 --> 00:06:48,042 YEAH, IT WAS A GREAT FILM. DO YOU MIND IF I GET TO KNOW THE OTHER PEOPLE HERE? 112 00:06:48,110 --> 00:06:50,044 RIGHT. SURE. 113 00:06:50,112 --> 00:06:53,380 SADIE, IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT KIND OF GUY VAN IS... 114 00:06:53,449 --> 00:06:56,984 OR WHAT HIS FAMILY'S LIKE, WELL, I CAN ASSURE YOU WE'RE NOT PERFECT, 115 00:06:57,053 --> 00:06:59,387 BUT WE DO HAVE LOTS OF LOVE. 116 00:06:59,455 --> 00:07:01,822 - AS A MATTER OF FACT... - SHE SAID ZIP IT! 117 00:07:06,061 --> 00:07:08,995 SO, SADIE... OH, I JUST LOVE THAT NAME. 118 00:07:09,064 --> 00:07:12,399 HOW DO YOU SPELL THAT? WITH A "Y" OR AN "IE"? 119 00:07:12,468 --> 00:07:16,604 I DON'T THINK ANYONE SPELLS IT WITH A "Y." 120 00:07:16,673 --> 00:07:19,239 SO WITH AN "IE"? 121 00:07:21,710 --> 00:07:24,678 KNOCK IT OFF, CHEYENNE. 122 00:07:24,747 --> 00:07:27,147 WHAT DO YOU CARE HOW SHE SPELLS IT? 123 00:07:27,216 --> 00:07:29,977 - WELL, YOU ASK HER SOMETHING, VAN. - I WILL. 124 00:07:30,018 --> 00:07:32,338 SO, HOW LONG YOU BEEN SPELLING IT THAT WAY? 125 00:07:35,591 --> 00:07:37,691 YOU THREW ME OFF! 126 00:07:39,661 --> 00:07:42,462 HEY, EVERYBODY. SORRY I'M LATE. 127 00:07:42,531 --> 00:07:45,265 BARBRA JEAN. BROCK. 128 00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:48,468 MR. H, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE. THIS IS SADIE OWENS. 129 00:07:48,537 --> 00:07:50,771 BROCK HART. HI. 130 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:54,275 SO, WOW! A WOMAN SPORTS AGENT, HUH? 131 00:07:54,343 --> 00:07:58,646 YES, YOU KNOW, WOMEN HAVE MADE GREAT STRIDES IN THE LAST HUNDRED YEARS. 132 00:08:02,151 --> 00:08:05,118 GREAT. BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER, YOU'RE KILLING ME. 133 00:08:07,723 --> 00:08:09,957 I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO OFFEND YOU. 134 00:08:10,026 --> 00:08:12,726 IT'S JUST THAT, AH, FOR A WHILE I THOUGHT I MIGHT REPRESENT VAN. 135 00:08:12,795 --> 00:08:15,062 - OH, ARE YOU AN AGENT? - I'M A PRO GOLFER. 136 00:08:16,265 --> 00:08:17,965 AND A PART-TIME DENTIST. 137 00:08:18,034 --> 00:08:20,468 OH. YOU'RE THE ONE ON THE PILLS. 138 00:08:22,037 --> 00:08:25,406 ISN'T HE HILARIOUS? DON'T YA JUST WANT TO LAUGH AT HIM? 139 00:08:25,475 --> 00:08:29,543 - WE HAVE COMPANY JUDGING US. - YEP, YEP, YEP, YEP. 140 00:08:29,611 --> 00:08:33,680 BARBRA JEAN, JUST BECAUSE WE'RE NOT LIVING TOGETHER DOESN'T MEAN WE CAN'T BE CIVIL. 141 00:08:33,749 --> 00:08:35,849 OOH, SADIE, COULD YOU MOVE THE TABLE? 142 00:08:35,918 --> 00:08:38,419 I'M GONNA ROLL AROUND WITH LAUGHTER. 143 00:08:38,488 --> 00:08:41,088 WHY ARE YOU BEING SO HOSTILE? YOU ASKED ME TO MOVE OUT. 144 00:08:41,157 --> 00:08:44,325 OH, AND YOU JUST SPRINTED TOWARDS THE DOOR, DIDN'T YOU, BIG FELLA? 145 00:08:44,394 --> 00:08:46,994 BARBRA JEAN, MR. H! KITCHEN! NOW! 146 00:08:47,062 --> 00:08:49,430 SO WE CAN CELEBRATE HOW WELL THIS IS ALL GOIN'. 147 00:08:52,134 --> 00:08:54,480 SOMEBODY'S PUT ON A FEW IN THE KEISTER. 148 00:08:54,504 --> 00:08:56,748 DOESN'T STOP YOU FROM LOOKIN' AT IT, DOES IT? 149 00:08:56,772 --> 00:08:59,972 OH, I'LL LOOK AT IT IF I WANT TO! 150 00:09:01,844 --> 00:09:05,512 CHEYENNE, WHY DON'T YOU TELL SADIE HOW YOU'RE STUDYIN' TO BECOME A DENTIST? 151 00:09:05,581 --> 00:09:09,049 OH, YEAH. I JUST REALLY WANT TO HELP TEETH. 152 00:09:12,021 --> 00:09:14,521 I'M SORRY. I'M JUST REALLY NERVOUS, 153 00:09:14,589 --> 00:09:16,275 AND I'M TRYING REALLY HARD NOT TO SAY THE 154 00:09:16,299 --> 00:09:18,259 WRONG THING, BUT I KEEP SAYIN' THE WRONG THING. 155 00:09:18,327 --> 00:09:21,367 VAN SHOULD'VE NEVER GOT ME PREGNANT AND MARRIED AT 17. OH, MY GOD! 156 00:09:22,898 --> 00:09:25,199 I DID IT AGAIN. 157 00:09:28,670 --> 00:09:31,238 WELL, THOSE ARE HIS PEEPS. 158 00:09:33,842 --> 00:09:36,610 LOOK, I DON'T EXPECT ANY FAMILY TO BE PERFECT. 159 00:09:36,678 --> 00:09:40,213 I HAVE KIDS AND AN EX-HUSBAND AND A CRAZY FAMILY OF MY OWN. 160 00:09:40,282 --> 00:09:42,415 YEAH, BUT YOU HAVEN'T MET ALL OF 'EM. 161 00:09:42,484 --> 00:09:44,765 OUR OTHER DAUGHTER, KYRA... SHE LIVES WITH HER DAD. 162 00:09:44,820 --> 00:09:47,655 I HAVE A DAUGHTER WHO LIVES WITH HER FATHER TOO. OH, REALLY? 163 00:09:47,723 --> 00:09:50,535 YEAH, I MISS HER LIKE CRAZY, BUT SHE MAKES HIS LIFE SO MISERABLE... 164 00:09:50,559 --> 00:09:52,679 THAT SOMEHOW IT ALL EVENS OUT. 165 00:09:58,668 --> 00:10:01,434 WE REALLY DO HAVE A LOT IN COMMON. 166 00:10:03,172 --> 00:10:07,374 I WAS JUST SAYIN' THIS MORNING HOW I MISS HAVIN' SOMEBODY I CAN RELATE TO. 167 00:10:07,443 --> 00:10:10,043 - IT GETS LONELY SOMETIMES. - TELL ME ABOUT IT. 168 00:10:10,112 --> 00:10:12,592 I STARTED TALKING TO MY BIRD. 169 00:10:12,648 --> 00:10:15,515 BUT YOU... I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN BE LONELY. 170 00:10:15,585 --> 00:10:18,351 WELL, YOU KNOW, MY GIRLFRIEND, SHE MOVED AWAY, 171 00:10:18,420 --> 00:10:20,754 AND SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO COME VISIT THIS WEEKEND. 172 00:10:20,823 --> 00:10:24,258 BUT SHE HAD TO CANCEL BECAUSE SHE'S IN THIS NEW RELATIONSHIP. 173 00:10:24,326 --> 00:10:26,638 WELL, MAYBE YOU'LL MEET SOMEONE NEW. 174 00:10:26,662 --> 00:10:29,796 YEAH, THAT'D BE NICE. HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 175 00:10:29,865 --> 00:10:32,666 MAYBE YOU AND I COULD GET TOGETHER SOMETIME AND HANG OUT. 176 00:10:32,734 --> 00:10:34,634 - REALLY? - YEAH. 177 00:10:34,703 --> 00:10:39,105 WELL, YEAH, SURE. YOU KNOW, THIS IS WILD BECAUSE... 178 00:10:39,174 --> 00:10:41,672 THIS IS ACTUALLY WHAT I'VE SORT OF BEEN HOPING 179 00:10:41,696 --> 00:10:43,944 WOULD HAPPEN EVER SINCE I SWITCHED TEAMS. 180 00:10:44,012 --> 00:10:45,946 TEAMS? 181 00:10:48,817 --> 00:10:53,120 - BUT IF YOU'RE AN AGENT, HOW... - NO, NOT SPORTS TEAMS. 182 00:10:55,691 --> 00:10:58,892 - OH. - YEAH, I GOT A DIVORCE, AND THEN I REALIZED I'M GAY. 183 00:11:06,802 --> 00:11:08,735 OH. 184 00:11:08,804 --> 00:11:12,005 IT'S JUST ANOTHER THING WE HAVE IN COMMON. 185 00:11:18,213 --> 00:11:20,380 - OH? - YEAH, IT'S OKAY. 186 00:11:20,449 --> 00:11:23,317 NO, VAN ALREADY TOLD ME YOU WERE GAY. 187 00:11:29,858 --> 00:11:32,092 OH. 188 00:11:42,171 --> 00:11:44,237 SO VAN TOLD YOU I WAS GAY? 189 00:11:44,306 --> 00:11:47,340 WA... WAS HE NOT SUPPOSED TO? I'M SORRY. 190 00:11:47,409 --> 00:11:49,576 I MEAN, HE WAS SO UP FRONT ABOUT IT. 191 00:11:49,644 --> 00:11:52,345 WELL, THE TRUTH IS HE SAID YOU WERE SUPERGAY. 192 00:11:55,950 --> 00:11:58,351 HE DID, DID HE? 193 00:11:58,420 --> 00:12:01,388 OH, HE ALWAYS WAS A TALKATIVE LITTLE POOT. 194 00:12:03,858 --> 00:12:06,559 YEAH, JUST TALK, TALK, TALK. 195 00:12:06,628 --> 00:12:09,529 COULD YOU EXCUSE ME JUST FOR A SECOND? 196 00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:12,031 YEAH. 197 00:12:14,969 --> 00:12:17,970 OW! OW! OW! OW! 198 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,907 LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION, VAN. 199 00:12:20,975 --> 00:12:24,577 WHY DID YOU TELL SADIE I WAS GAY? WHAT? 200 00:12:24,646 --> 00:12:27,147 I NEVER SAID THAT. WHY WOULD I SAY THAT? 201 00:12:28,850 --> 00:12:30,996 DID YOU TELL HER I WAS SUPERGAY? 202 00:12:31,020 --> 00:12:32,420 OH, YEAH. 203 00:12:33,489 --> 00:12:35,422 WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN TO. 204 00:12:35,490 --> 00:12:37,142 SADIE AND I WERE TALKING ABOUT OUR FAVORITE 205 00:12:37,166 --> 00:12:38,803 CITIES, AND I SAID I REALLY LIKED LUBBOCK. 206 00:12:38,827 --> 00:12:41,806 SHE MENTIONED SAN FRANCISCO. I WANTED TO SOUND CLEVER AND MAKE A JOKE. 207 00:12:41,830 --> 00:12:45,109 BUT I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SAN FRANCISCO BUT CABLE CARS AND GAY PEOPLE. 208 00:12:45,133 --> 00:12:47,612 - VAN! - SO I MADE A JOKE ABOUT GAY PEOPLE. 209 00:12:47,636 --> 00:12:49,569 AND IT WASN'T FUNNY APPARENTLY, 210 00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:52,639 BECAUSE SHE LOOKS AT ME KIND OF OFFENDED AND SAYS, 211 00:12:52,707 --> 00:12:55,909 "VAN, I'M GAY. DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH GAY PEOPLE?" 212 00:12:55,978 --> 00:12:59,579 I'M LIKE, "OH, NO, NOT AT ALL. MY MOTHER-IN-LAW'S SUPERGAY." 213 00:13:07,255 --> 00:13:10,957 I LOVE YOU, MAN. OW. 214 00:13:11,025 --> 00:13:15,127 SADIE IS GAY? THIS TOP IS PERFECT. 215 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:22,302 SHE... SHE PROBABLY HASN'T EVEN HEARD A WORD I'VE SAID. 216 00:13:24,340 --> 00:13:27,641 YOU'RE GONNA GO RIGHT IN THERE RIGHT NOW AND TELL HER THE TRUTH. 217 00:13:27,709 --> 00:13:30,644 WAIT, MRS. H. IF SHE KNOWS I LIED, SHE'LL REFUSE TO REPRESENT ME. 218 00:13:30,712 --> 00:13:33,613 BELIEVE ME, LESBIANS DO NOT FIND THIS KIND OF THING FUNNY. 219 00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:36,716 THEY REALLY DON'T. 220 00:13:39,521 --> 00:13:42,222 AND, MRS. H, IF SHE DOESN'T REPRESENT ME, 221 00:13:42,291 --> 00:13:45,225 THEN ALL THE OTHER AGENTS WILL THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME. 222 00:13:45,294 --> 00:13:48,661 AND WHO WILL BE MY AGENT THEN, THE GOLFING DENTIST WITH THE BAD ACCENT? 223 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,367 I CAN'T KEEP RATIONING DIAPERS, MOM. 224 00:13:54,436 --> 00:13:57,170 AND I WANT THINGS... SHINY, FANCY THINGS. 225 00:13:57,238 --> 00:14:01,174 MAYBE YOU COULD JUST GO WITH IT FOR A FEW MINUTES. 226 00:14:01,243 --> 00:14:03,577 YEAH, COME ON, REBA. WHAT'S A FEW MINUTES? 227 00:14:03,645 --> 00:14:06,312 YEAH, JUST DON'T GO TO MASSACHUSETTS, REBA. 228 00:14:08,383 --> 00:14:10,517 THEY'RE MAKING THEM GET MARRIED. 229 00:14:13,254 --> 00:14:18,191 IT'S A LITTLE MORE COMPLICATED THAN JUST FIBBING ABOUT IT FOR A FEW MINUTES. 230 00:14:18,260 --> 00:14:20,660 I MAY HAVE ALREADY ASKED HER OUT. 231 00:14:23,731 --> 00:14:26,366 WAIT. WAIT A SECOND, MOM. WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU SAY? 232 00:14:26,435 --> 00:14:30,603 WELL, THAT MAYBE WE COULD HANG OUT SOMETIME TOGETHER. THAT SEEMS PRETTY INNOCENT. 233 00:14:30,672 --> 00:14:34,440 BECAUSE MY GIRLFRIEND MOVED OUT OF TOWN, AND I WAS LONELY. 234 00:14:37,812 --> 00:14:39,745 ALL RIGHT. JUST HANG ON A SECOND. 235 00:14:39,815 --> 00:14:43,349 SAYING "MAYBE WE COULD HANG OUT" DOESN'T MEAN YOU ASKED HER OUT ON A DATE. 236 00:14:43,418 --> 00:14:46,064 REALLY? ABSOLUTELY. YOU GOT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. 237 00:14:46,088 --> 00:14:49,622 HEY, GUYS, THERE'S A BOY IN A TINY SUIT IN THERE WATCHING TV. 238 00:14:49,691 --> 00:14:53,126 I'M SO SORRY. I WAS JUST COMIN' OUT. 239 00:14:54,095 --> 00:14:57,296 OF THE KITCHEN. I WAS... 240 00:14:57,365 --> 00:15:00,033 OH, I WAS... I WAS JUST COMIN' OUT OF THE KITCHEN. 241 00:15:00,102 --> 00:15:03,202 LOOK, I... I HAVE TO GO ANYWAY, BUT IT'S BEEN REAL. 242 00:15:03,271 --> 00:15:05,705 NO, WAIT A SECOND. THIS ISN'T MY REAL FAMILY. 243 00:15:05,773 --> 00:15:07,873 THEY'RE... THEY'RE CIRCUS PEOPLE. 244 00:15:07,942 --> 00:15:10,943 ALL RIGHT, VAN, VAN. I LIKE THEM. 245 00:15:11,012 --> 00:15:14,214 AND I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO REPRESENTING YOU. 246 00:15:14,282 --> 00:15:16,883 WHAT? YOU'LL BE MY AGENT? MM-HMM. 247 00:15:20,021 --> 00:15:22,000 THIS IS SO GREAT! YEAH! 248 00:15:22,024 --> 00:15:24,957 I'M GONNA START ON VAN'S DEAL RIGHT WAY, AND IT WAS GREAT MEETING YOU. 249 00:15:25,027 --> 00:15:27,460 OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH. THANKS. 250 00:15:27,529 --> 00:15:30,796 I AM SO GLAD THAT'S OVER WITH. 251 00:15:30,865 --> 00:15:33,866 I AM NEVER GETTIN' MYSELF IN THAT SITUATION AGAIN. 252 00:15:33,935 --> 00:15:35,913 HEY, REBA, I ALMOST FORGOT. HMM? 253 00:15:35,937 --> 00:15:39,138 HOW ABOUT I PICK YOU UP TOMORROW NIGHT AT 8:00, AND WE CAN HANG OUT? 254 00:15:42,911 --> 00:15:45,245 SUPER. 255 00:15:56,157 --> 00:15:58,569 WHERE'S YOUR MOTHER? IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR HER DATE. 256 00:15:58,593 --> 00:16:00,571 VAN, I WOULD STOP CALLING IT THAT. 257 00:16:00,595 --> 00:16:03,430 AND STOP SINGING THAT SONG ABOUT HER AND SADIE IN A TREE. 258 00:16:05,867 --> 00:16:08,668 DID I MISS IT? DID YOU TAKE PICTURES? 259 00:16:08,737 --> 00:16:11,838 OH, MY GOSH! DID THEY LOOK ADORABLE? 260 00:16:11,907 --> 00:16:16,008 OH, REBA, YOU ARE DEFINITELY GONNA BE THE PRETTY ONE. 261 00:16:21,817 --> 00:16:24,517 I DON'T THINK I CAN GO THROUGH WITH THIS. 262 00:16:24,586 --> 00:16:27,820 MOM, THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT FOR OUR FUTURE, OKAY? 263 00:16:27,889 --> 00:16:30,289 SADIE COULD TAKE HIS CAREER TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL. 264 00:16:30,358 --> 00:16:33,326 SADIE'S A NICE PERSON. I DON'T LIKE LYING TO HER. 265 00:16:33,394 --> 00:16:35,695 MRS. H, I KNOW THIS HAS BEEN TOUGH ON YOU. 266 00:16:35,764 --> 00:16:39,298 BUT I PROMISE YOU, THE SECOND THE DEAL'S DONE, I WILL TELL SADIE THE TRUTH. 267 00:16:39,368 --> 00:16:42,569 I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE THINKS ABOUT ME. YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT TO ME. 268 00:16:46,407 --> 00:16:49,308 HEY, I'VE GOT BIG NEWS. 269 00:16:49,377 --> 00:16:52,645 WHAT NEWS? IS IT ABOUT MY DEAL? IS IT... IS IT DONE? IS IT GOOD? 270 00:16:52,714 --> 00:16:55,315 WELL, IF YOU CONSIDER A 25% RAISE... 271 00:16:55,383 --> 00:16:58,318 AND AN ADDED THIRD YEAR GOOD, THEN YEAH, I'D SAY IT'S PRETTY GOOD. 272 00:16:58,386 --> 00:17:01,087 - TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT? THIRD YEAR? - SO IT'S ALL DONE? 273 00:17:01,156 --> 00:17:03,322 IT'S ALL DONE. 274 00:17:03,391 --> 00:17:05,926 WE ARE SO RICH! 275 00:17:05,994 --> 00:17:10,063 I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU, VAN. THANKS, MRS. H. 276 00:17:14,569 --> 00:17:17,982 SADIE, THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO TELL YOU. I KNOW, AND YOU'RE WELCOME. 277 00:17:18,006 --> 00:17:20,807 NOW, YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE HOW BADLY... 278 00:17:20,876 --> 00:17:23,409 WE'RE GONNA NAIL 'EM ON YOUR NEXT THREE-YEAR DEAL. 279 00:17:24,412 --> 00:17:27,714 - HAVE A NICE DINNER. - YEAH. 280 00:17:31,586 --> 00:17:34,254 BARBRA JEAN, COULD YOU, UH, GIVE US A MINUTE, PLEASE? 281 00:17:34,323 --> 00:17:38,457 OH, SURE. OH, BY THE WAY, I HAVE A SUGGESTION ON WHERE YOU GUYS CAN GO. 282 00:17:38,526 --> 00:17:41,594 I HAVE A SUGGESTION WHERE YOU CAN GO TOO. 283 00:17:43,398 --> 00:17:45,865 I THOUGHT GAY PEOPLE WERE JOLLY. 284 00:17:47,469 --> 00:17:51,203 OKAY, REBA, WHAT'S GOIN' ON? 285 00:17:51,272 --> 00:17:53,706 WELL, HERE'S THE THING... 286 00:17:53,775 --> 00:17:57,443 IT'S A LITTLE BIT FUNNY, DEPENDING ON YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. 287 00:17:57,512 --> 00:18:02,982 YOU SEE, I'M A TINY LITTLE BIT LESS GAY THAN VAN SAID I WAS. 288 00:18:03,051 --> 00:18:06,386 OH, SO YOU'RE NOT SUPERGAY? 289 00:18:06,454 --> 00:18:09,822 NO. I HAVE NO POWERS OF GAYNESS WHATSOEVER. 290 00:18:12,828 --> 00:18:14,627 OH. 291 00:18:14,695 --> 00:18:17,663 I'M SORRY. WHEN VAN TOLD YOU THAT, 292 00:18:17,732 --> 00:18:20,333 HE WAS JUST TRYIN' TO COVER UP SOME LAME JOKE OF HIS. 293 00:18:20,402 --> 00:18:22,435 YEAH, I SEE. I SEE. 294 00:18:22,504 --> 00:18:26,572 I MEAN, I SHOULD'VE KNOWN. THIS HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME. 295 00:18:26,641 --> 00:18:28,508 SEE, I GOT NO GAYDAR. 296 00:18:32,547 --> 00:18:35,548 HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MEET WOMEN? I GOT NO GAYDAR. 297 00:18:35,616 --> 00:18:37,750 I GOT NO DATES. I GOT NOTHIN'. 298 00:18:37,818 --> 00:18:43,188 IT'S BECAUSE I'M NO GOOD. I'M BAD. I AM A BAD LESBIAN. 299 00:18:46,762 --> 00:18:49,662 WELL, FOR AS LONG AS I'VE BEEN A LESBIAN, 300 00:18:49,730 --> 00:18:52,865 I CAN TELL YA, IT'S NOT EASY. 301 00:18:55,437 --> 00:18:57,456 YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU COME OUT OF THE CLOSET, 302 00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,572 THEY NEVER TELL YOU HOW HARD IT'S GONNA BE. 303 00:18:59,641 --> 00:19:02,475 ALL THE TV SHOWS AND MAGAZINES, THEY MAKE IT LOOK SO EASY. 304 00:19:02,544 --> 00:19:05,411 "OH, GET OUT IN THE WORLD. THE WOMEN ARE WAITING FOR YOU." 305 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:09,816 WELL, YOU JUST LOOK OUT THERE AND TELL ME IF YOU SEE ANY AVAILABLE WOMEN. 306 00:19:19,928 --> 00:19:21,895 YEAH, IT'S UGLY OUT THERE. 307 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,666 I DON'T KNOW. I JUST... 308 00:19:27,735 --> 00:19:30,035 I JUST GET A LITTLE LONELY SOMETIMES. THAT'S ALL. 309 00:19:30,104 --> 00:19:32,037 YEAH, I KNOW. 310 00:19:32,107 --> 00:19:34,307 LIKE WHEN YOUR BEST FRIEND MOVES AWAY, 311 00:19:34,375 --> 00:19:37,276 AND YOU THINK YOU'VE FOUND SOMEONE YOU COULD BE FRIENDS WITH, 312 00:19:37,345 --> 00:19:39,623 BUT THEN YOU BLOW IT BY PRETENDING TO BE GAY. 313 00:19:39,647 --> 00:19:41,414 WHY DO YOU THINK YOU BLEW IT? 314 00:19:41,483 --> 00:19:45,018 WELL, IF YOU LIED TO ME, I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU. 315 00:19:45,086 --> 00:19:49,389 REBA, I'M AN AGENT. I'M GONNA LIE TO YOU. 316 00:19:49,457 --> 00:19:54,093 HEY, WE BOTH LIE. THAT'S ANOTHER THING WE HAVE IN COMMON. 317 00:19:54,162 --> 00:19:58,197 SO, I GUESS THAT MEANS WE CAN STILL GO TO DINNER. 318 00:19:58,266 --> 00:20:00,174 WELL, I'M GONNA HAVE TO CANCEL THE VIOLINIST, 319 00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:02,001 AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY YOUR OWN WAY. 320 00:20:04,772 --> 00:20:08,874 HEY, YOU'RE NOT THE KIND OF FRIEND WHO RUNS OFF TO JAMAICA WITH A NUN, ARE YOU? 321 00:20:08,943 --> 00:20:12,345 UH, WON'T MAKE THAT MISTAKE TWICE. 322 00:20:17,318 --> 00:20:20,920 WAIT. WAIT A SEC. I DON'T EVEN WEAR CONTACTS. 323 00:20:20,988 --> 00:20:23,889 NO, YOU DON'T, DO YOU? 324 00:20:23,958 --> 00:20:26,225 STUPID. WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING? 325 00:20:26,294 --> 00:20:28,728 OUT TO DINNER. DON'T WAIT UP. 326 00:20:28,797 --> 00:20:32,031 OH, MY GOSH. SHE TURNED REBA. 327 00:20:35,403 --> 00:20:37,537 ELIZABETH'S GONNA HAVE TWO GRANDMAS. 328 00:20:37,605 --> 00:20:39,605 I KNOW! 329 00:21:15,343 --> 00:21:18,278 ACME! 27317

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