Original subtitles

- My sister and I immigrated here

because I caught the attention of a man who helped us.

- You and Amira were part of our family.

You just packed up and left.

- Hydromorphone. - If you have pain, Claire,

that pain should be managed.

We're going to make an accountability plan

for the painkillers. So that they stay under control.

- Yeah, I want kids, too. I have no idea how I'd make that work or if I can even...

- I want you to think long and hard about whether

this is the right profession for you.

- Dr. Novak, I think you made your point.

- This mess is not a good look for Trauma OR.

- In that case, you can have the future.

June, say whatever you want to Ryan, I am out.

- This is an example of why you didn't get the fellowship.

This instinct to leap blindly.

- Every time I think I've built something,

that feeling fades and I just run.

- A heart may come tomorrow or never.

- This is good news. - Like, I got the job?

- Have any doubts or concerns? - No, no.

- There's a heart waiting and it's a perfect match.

I need you to confirm.

Are you accepting this heart?

- Yeah, I... I can be at the hospital in 20 minutes.

- Great news.

I'll inform the surgeon and connect with you

once you get here. Congratulations, Mags.

- Thanks, Connie.

Uh... I have to go.

I just, uh... I just matched with a heart.

- Already? - Yeah, I've been on a list

for a few months. - Sorry, you're leaving

right now to go get a heart transplant?

- To do, uh, a pre-surgical work-up before anything else.

But, uh... What do I bring?

I didn't ask what I should bring. I...

- You want us to come with you? We--

- No, no. It's like a sick joke.

I'm like in the middle of celebrating the thing

I've wanted my whole life. Why is this happening now?

- Hey.

It's going to be okay.

- Thank you guys for coming.

- Mags.

Let me take you. - No. No, it's okay.

I think I just need to...

Okay? Are you okay?

- Shouldn't I be asking you that?

- Uh, I... would not know how to... answer.

Are you on tomorrow? - Uh-huh.

- Come see me.

- In my head, where? How? The tumour.

- Uh, it's in the frontal lobe of your brain.

- Guess that explains the headache.

- Which you've had for how long? - Months.

Like I said when you first examined me.

What happens now?

Hey, are you listening?

- Hey, man.

I saw your text and my admin said you were waiting,

but I'm pretty wall-to-wall today so unless it's--

- I was just in the middle of talking to a patient

and I realized that...

I can't remember the last 14 hours.

(opening theme)

It's like you know when you drove home,

but you don't remember the journey.

I... I zone out sometimes,

but it's been at least two years since it happened.

- But it sounds like you got walloped with some pretty intense news yesterday.

Not getting the ED job and then this thing with Mags.

- That's why she didn't tell me because she knew

I'd find a way to wear it. And why she ended things with me.

What's the point of the work we do if this is still where I am?

- I have a patient in my office who might not want to hear that.

- Look, I didn't mean to offend you, I--

- You don't want this to be happening, but it is.

So focus on the practical.

Make sure nothing got missed with any of your patients,

and tell your chief that you need the afternoon off for personal reasons.

- You make it sound so simple.

- If you want to talk more, I can see you at 4 P.M.

- The cath went well.

No abnormalities we weren't expecting.

Pulmonary pressure was also fine.

- How do you feel, Mags?

- Um... You said "fine", does that mean not good?

- I get the impetus to be the doctor,

but today, that's my job. We'll make sure everything's in range.

- Okay. But are you saying it isn't?

Because you both seem kind of--

- There was a small flag in your bloodwork.

White cells at 13. - Are you worried about

infection or inflammation?

That's not me trying to be a doctor.

That's just me being me.

Will you start antibiotics? - Yes.

There's plenty of time for you to respond.

The donor heart hasn't even been retrieved yet.

- Assuming your count is in range by then,

we could be operating as early as this evening.

My team will need around seven hours for the transplant.

After that, you'll be in CICU a few days.

Then the ward for about a week.

Save your strength, Dr. Leblanc.

We'll speak soon.

- Doesn't seem to like me very much.

- Mags, Andrew's the top guy.

What he reserves in emotional labour, he spends on the table.

He's the one you want doing this.

- Will the backup recipient still be an option?

If I'm ruled out from infection,

will the heart still be of use? - Don't worry about any of that.

I'll admit, I'm surprised you said yes to this

considering we weren't expecting a match so soon.

And when you found out you made the list, you were unsure.

- Am I allowed to ask how the retrieval process works?

- The donor's in another hospital.

When the family's ready,

they'll withdraw life support.

Retrieval doctor will bring the heart,

Andrew's team will have you prepped.

- How do people even do that?

You know, just, wait without--

- Driving themselves nuts. - Yeah.

- It's mostly practical stuff. Many of my patients

aren't able to be as active as you are at this stage,

so they're already set up for a long recovery.

So maybe contact your family.

Confirm care plans.

- Cellulitis is on fluids and antibiotics.

Hip fracture is waiting on OR.

And Dr. Thibeault hasn't come back from imaging.

- Okay, and Doctor... - Thibeault.

- Is he one of the new residents?

- The thoracics guy from upstairs? He's on call tonight,

but came in with this suspected gallbladder attack.

You ordered a formal ultrasound. - Yes!

Yes, uh... Ultrasound. Um...

And the lady with the tumour, has oncology been in?

Tanya, she was in E. - She has a tumor?

Holy crap. She came in with a headache she couldn't shake,

thinking she'd drunk herself into oblivion. Her words.

What made you order an MRI? - Uh, just a lucky hunch.

- Well, good on you. I'll handle oncology.

- Okay, and, uh, after that, we're all caught up,

there's nothing else pending? - Nope.

Is there something you're worried we missed?

- No. - Okay.

(sigh)

(phone ringing)

- Hey. - Bashir.

(in Arabic)

- Well, don't keep us in suspense.

- Uh...

No, nothing like that.

- I, I guess I was just, um, thinking about things.

- Yeah, yeah. Of course, of course.

Um, yeah. Okay, salam.

- Yeah, salam.

(gentle music)

- Dr. Novak, this is June Curtis,

obviously, you know that.

Were you screening my calls?

Because that would be a dick move.

Look, I just wanted to know

if you're non-presence today was intentional.

I know we had some words yesterday,

but that's not uncommon for us. But then you made that comment

about me putting my stability on you which isn't even...

Can you please call me when you get this?

Thank you.

- Hi, June. - Hi!

- Thank you so much for this. - Yeah, of course.

- Yeah, hi. - Hi.

- She said something about having to get her...

white blood cell count down, do you think that's very bad?

- Uh, not necessarily. You know, when they're doing

a heart transplant, sometimes-- - This is all she wanted?

- I... think so.

Uh, everything from her bedroom floor.

- Yeah. - Exactly what she requested,

I think. I'll help you bring it up.

- I'll be fine. You're busy. I'm sure.

- Yeah, if there's anything else you need from the house

or anything at all, then I-- - Well, her sister's coming too,

so you can get back to your life.

- Yeah.

Oh.

(gasps)

- June?

- Yeah, uh, it's... - Is something wrong?

- Oh, it's nothing.

- Oh, it's all just a lot, isn't it?

If you're anything like my daughter,

I know how much she carries so...

- No, it's not that. I'm taking hormone therapy

to stimulate ovulation, and when that happens,

I get this annoying pain. - You're trying for a baby?

- Thinking about it.

I don't know if I can, but...

- June, that's wonderful.

It's the hardest and best thing you'll ever do,

loving someone that much.

- Um, I...

I'm feeling better now.

- I should get back to Mags. Thank you.

- Oh. - Please don't touch me!

- Is that Owen? - Please don't touch me.

- Every time we try the BP cuff, he loses it.

It's like it's hurting him. - Well, that's because it is.

Hey, Owen, Owen. I'm Theo. You okay, buddy?

About two years ago, his family came in after a boating accident.

I'm going to get this blanket off of you, okay?

- Theo, he's shivering-- - I know.

Do you remember me?

No, that's okay, because I remember you.

Let's dim the lights, guys. And no sound on the monitors.

Owen has sensory processing disorder,

so no one touches him without checking, okay?

Tell me everything that's bothering you, buddy.

- Can't breathe. Leg hurts.

And somebody's deodorant is making me itchy.

- Alright, let's deal with those in order, okay?

We need to get you onto our gurney.

It's going to suck. But it'll be quick and you can scream

as loud as you need to, okay? - Okay.

- Alright, let's move this closer.

It'll be on my count.

One, two, three. (screaming)

Good job, good job!

Okay, look, this next step needs a monitor.

We have to stick these little pads to you, okay?

- Can I do it myself? - Yeah, of course you can.

Alright, under your shirt, on your right chest, okay?

And this one on the left. And this one on your belly.

Alright, can you tell me what happened?

- I rode into some dirt, flipped over my bike handlebars.

- Were you wearing a helmet? That's good.

I need you to put this on your chest and take a breath for me, okay?

(wheezing) Okay, then this side.

Okay, I'll take that back.

(coughing)

- He's super tachy. 192 and climbing.

- Alright, Claire, set up a chest tube. Prep 30mg of ketamine.

- Without a BP? Theo... - Owen, the reason it hurts

to breathe is probably a partially collapsed lung.

I need to fix that. I also need to do an X-ray

of your leg for the bone doctor. It's going to require

a lot of feeling around, okay?

So can we make a plan to get you through this?

- Last time you made me sleep,

even though I didn't want you to.

- Yes, I did. - Can you do that again?

I think I rather be numb.

- Yeah, um, while Claire does that,

the third thing you said is that you were feeling itchy.

- Forget that. I think it's okay.

- Are you sure? Because I'm here to help you.

- I can't go anywhere. I have no freedom.

- Um, you know, not on your bike for a little while,

but when your leg heals... - It's not enough.

My mom's always busy. My friends do stuff without me

because... the subway's loud!

I want my driver's licence when I'm 16.

- Well, okay, look, if you're looking for a lesson,

now might not be the best time, pal.

- A letter.

Because of how I am.

I need a doctor to say it's safe.

Alright, let's get through this first, okay?

- Hi. - Hi.

Um, Ms... Leblanc.

Um, I'm Dr. Hamed.

I'm here to give you a status update,

but I... don't know what it is.

- I know I should've told you.

It's just all been so fast and weird

with mushy odds in every direction

about whether it's worth the risk

or if a heart was ever going to come--

- Mags. - I haven't even... been sure how I feel.

I mean, I'm barely letting myself think about it.

- It's okay. Really.

I understand why you didn't tell me.

But I want to be here for you now

in whatever way you need me to be.

- Thank you.

(sigh)

All of this is like...

It's like it's happening to me.

It's almost like...

- Like you don't know how you got here?

- Yeah.

And I'm trying to find a way to tell Devi

because she doesn't know that I'll need at least six months

to recover from major surgery.

And who knows how many concessions after.

I don't know.

Maybe I should just fall on my sword and resign.

- Don't. Don't volunteer to quit.

- What else am I supposed to do? Devi put her trust in me

and I betrayed her by not telling her that this was happening.

I think because I couldn't face it.

Or I wouldn't.

- Hey, you could let me tell her.

- Bash, it's not fair to put that on--

- I want to be here for you, Mags. And I need to--

- Bash... - Look, will you just

let me do this for you?

I'll run down the medical facts to her

and give her the space to respond.

It'll be okay.

(indistinct P.A. announcement)

- Is this about ICU bed spacing? - Uh, no.

No, they cleared some. I was looking at my shifts for next week.

And I remembered you asked if I ever felt overloaded--

- Holy Hell. - Is something wrong?

- Uh... I was accidentally copied on this email

from our CMO at the board saying that I have failed

to address this situation about this resident being mistreated in Trauma OR.

He didn't mean for me to read this, right?

- "One of us will have to talk to Neeta."

Was that about Novak yelling at some kid?

- And the man who didn't even want me knowing about this

is now blaming me for the actions of the man

who did this in the first place.

Anyway. Um, what did you need?

- Nothing. I'll figure it out. - Thanks.

- Dr. Thibeault, I understand you are trying to make--

- What's your ED passcode? The system won't let me

look at my imaging and the tech wouldn't tell me anything,

even though he knows me.

- It's against their policy to diagnose--

- Yeah, I already know that it's gallstones.

I just want to see the extent of it.

- There's actually no evidence of gallstones

or gallbladder injury according to your ultrasound.

- Show me.

(groans) It makes no sense.

This is a classic presentation.

Acute pain that radiates to the right after heavy or high-fat foods.

Pain between the shoulder blades, nausea. Hold on.

- Are you working a lot of late shifts?

You know, lack of sleep and stress can affect gut health?

- Let me just stop you right there, okay?

I've used the whole "what's going on in your life" speech

to patients who just want to be reassured nothing's wrong my whole career.

Stressed, depressed, anxious?

Sleep better. Eat better. Hydrate. No, this is not that.

It's more intense localized pain.

- Look, as a doctor,

I understand the impulse to self-diagnose,

but there is several documented cases of stress and anxiety

causing 10 out of-- - Bud!

I'm not here for therapy. This isn't mental.

- I will ask your radiologist to review your report.

- That's not good enough. I want a HIDA.

Do you know what that is?

- Hepatobiliary iminodiacetic acid scan?

Yes, I know what that is. I will refer you.

It takes a couple of weeks. - I want one today.

- I'm not sure that's possible. Radiology is at fu--

- Well then, bump someone! Okay, I'm on tonight anyway.

I'll make the time. - Dr. Thibeault...

- You're a resident, right?

- For a few more months, yes.

- Yeah, I'm not. So I'm telling you

to do your job. Get me on that list.

(sighing)

- I see you're still not quite a fan of folding your things.

- My bedroom clutter hasn't been your problem in 15 years.

Let's not regress. - It's just if you want to feel

presentable when you have visitors.

I don't know, maybe somebody here has an iron.

- Don't do that, please, Mom.

Thank you for coming to town so quickly, though.

(in French)

- Mom... Am I making the right decision here?

- Well, um, both your doctors agree there is no other choice.

And your surgeon mentioned you were nervous

and that it's normal to be,

but he's done this many times before.

- They do have to say that, you know?

(clears throat)

I wanted to ask if maybe I could come to Montreal

for a few weeks once I'm out but--

- Doesn't make any sense, does it?

No, you need to be close to the hospital and your doctors.

I was sure you of all people would have a whole

flow chart mapped out on the logistics.

- Well, I don't. So now I'm thinking

that maybe you can come to June's for a week or two.

And then I'd get a nurse, obviously.

- Magalie, your father, sister and I found a rental

near the hospital, two bedrooms.

We will trade on and off all year if we need to.

- I don't want you guys disrupting your lives.

- Don't be silly. We're your family.

I'll tell your father to speak to the broker today.

- There is an 80% success rate in the first year, you know?

That means starting the clock, from tonight's operation,

if they clear me for it, I have a one-in-five chance of dying.

(in French)

- Yeah, I just... I need to make sure that you understand

what's happening here, Mom.

- That is not a thought any of us need in our heads

right now, especially not you.

(in French)

- I asked to be here when you woke up.

Guess that message wasn't received.

Uh, but the traction is only going to be 24 hours.

- I know. - Must be uncomfortable.

Have to lie still with all this stuff on you.

But the bone doctors agree to let you stay here,

so I could get you everything you need.

- Thanks! (chuckles)

- Owen, you said you flipped over your handlebars.

But the way your leg broke made it look like you jumped.

Now, what you... talked about earlier

about you having no freedom. If you want to talk to someone--

- I found the good kind, bud. - Thanks, Mac.

- Dr. Hunter, let's chat in the hall.

You wanted him to talk to somebody about what?

- I'm sorry. Are you... family?

- Mac Hinkley. I'm Owen's GP. He asked me to come down.

- Instead of his mother? - Well, that's between them.

But their relationship is, uh, tough.

- I remember. - What you don't know about is

his mass cell activation syndrome.

- Owen has MCAS? Since when?

- Was diagnosed last year.

I think maybe it factored into the SPD, or accentuated it.

There is so much they don't know about it, though.

- Would that explain today? The racing heart?

- Probably. MCAS means "severe, unpredictable reactions".

Cardiac, autoimmune, GI...

to stimuli that's constantly evolving.

- He was afraid of being itchy because of someone's deodorant,

but then he just said it was okay.

- It's a new environment. He never knows when he's safe.

Which is why we're going to limit the people coming in and out of his room.

- Because he lives in a constant fear of triggers.

- Are you asking him to talk to a psych?

- Well, Owen said that he flipped over his handlebars,

but his femur's fracture pattern,

it... well, it said to me that he jumped.

- You never horsed around when you were his age?

(sighing) Owen has challenges, sure.

But he's still a kid which means doing

the same stupid things and not wanting to cop to it.

- Right, but what if that isn't what happened

and he intended to hurt himself? - He wouldn't do that.

You know, we started a desensitization program to help with the SPD.

We're making progress. - Um, does he have a specialist?

Because I could give you some referrals.

- He's got an endless list of them.

But the only one who actually knows the kid is me.

If Owen wanted to hurt himself, I'd know it.

- He asked me to help him make a plan to get a driver's licence.

- And you think because I said no to that,

he threw himself off a cliff?!

I get he wants to drive when he's of age.

But he knows that it might not be realistic.

- And I'm not saying he wants to die.

Okay, bad feelings can be fleeting,

but there was a desperation in the ask.

Like he feels trapped.

- You're wrong, Dr. Hunter. You're wrong.

And I don't want you bringing this up with him again.

- The good news is it looks operable.

And our surgeon said that she has an opening tonight for a craniotomy.

- Tonight? Does it have to happen so fast?

- When they make time so quickly,

waiting is not advisable.

- Okay. (ripping)

When my son was born, something changed.

I was, um, sad. All the time.

I started drinking to self-medicate, and... the headaches started.

My therapist called it depression.

Another one said "new mother syndrome".

And my friends called it "Wine Mom".

Except, they were all wrong and it was only ever a brain tumour.

So... all the work I did, the endless counseling,

the A.A. meetings was just pointless?

- It sounds like you did everything you could

with the information you had.

(man): You call yourself a mother, you selfish bitch!

This is beyond... I've had enough.

I'm calling the police. Never try seeing us again.

- My ex came to pick up our son

and he found me passed out in the yard.

My little boy had locked himself up in the bathroom

because he was terrified of me.

I miss my son.

- Hey. Tumours like this, they affect memory,

decision-making, personality. This is not your fault, Tanya.

- But the damage is done.

I ruined my marriage and scarred my child.

- ...went out on a limb with a specific plan that Mags was essential to.

And you're telling me that she knew this was a risk?

- Uh, Dr. Devi--

- Obviously, I'm concerned about her

from a health perspective, but...

How did you expect me to respond to what you just said?

- Um, which part of what I just said?

- Look, you and I both have other things to do, I'm sure.

Give my best to Mags.

- I will but regarding her job, I just--

- I'm sorry, Dr. Hamed, but that's gonna have to stay between me and her.

(giggling)

(clear throat) - Oh.

- Hi! - Sorry.

We're busy, come back later. - Oh. I'm so sorry, Doctor.

Um, Doctor? - Curtis.

- I'm Della. And this is--

- Hartley. Hello. - Hi, Hartley.

- I hear this is a hernia-related emergency.

- So Hartley developed one about a year ago

and he was supposed to get it fixed

at one of those private clinics. - Trauma Hotels.

- Okay, I take that to mean it didn't happen. Why?

- He has a phobia of being put under.

Have you heard of it? - Tomophobia. Good word.

Bad feeling. - Which we figured out

when he bit the anesthesiologist.

- I bit three anesthesiologists.

- No, it was one on three separate occasions.

- Okay... Is he...

Are you feeling scared right now, Hartley?

- So here is where it gets maybe a little weird.

Um... So last night, he was in so much pain

and the thing started bulging

which the internet said could mean "incarceration"?

- So she drugged me. - She drugged you with what?

- Ecstasy. - Ecstasy?

- I know! But he was resistant to coming

and I knew that we needed to. - She slipped it in my coffee.

How lucky am I to have someone like this in my life?

- Okay, so you gave him ecstasy without his knowledge?

- No, he tolerates it fine. We used to...

- Hartley, hi! - ...be partyers.

Pills usually lose their potency over time.

We had one laying around the house for over a year.

And so I figured it would just mellow him enough.

- You know this is gonna show up on his urinalysis, right?

- I didn't know what else to do.

Okay, he was in so much pain,

and every time he gets close, he just can't.

He's gonna be okay, right? I mean, you can help me, can't you?

- If we're going to repair this...

- If? No, you have to.

What's your fear level at now?

On a scale of one to... "bitey".

- Doubt I'll ever be afraid again thanks to you.

- I'll be right back.

So that guy needs an emergency hernioplasty

except he's high on ecstasy

because his wife gave it to him without his knowledge.

I'm not sure of the ethics of all this.

- It's actually a crime,

so if he wants us to call the police...

- Pretty sure he thinks it's romantic.

- I heard Novak's gone AWOL. - Yeah.

- I think we should use this as a reason

to move him out of Trauma OR.

- Like, permanently?

Is it even possible for him to be AWOL?

Technically, he answers to himself.

- Which is a problem!

He has no accountability and he's unreliable.

- He's like unpredictable. - He is toxic chaos.

And I have a job to do in this department.

- Well, if this about making an example of him...

- He has dug himself into a hole,

and I can't for the life of me understand you

and why you defend him. - I get it, okay. I get it.

He's got blind spots, yes. But him and I built

something together in Trauma OR and I just...

I don't feel right blowing it up.

- Outstanding patients in the last hour?

- Um, no, I gave the tumor lady a surgical update,

but I think I got distracted after.

- Wait, was that why she left? - Tanya left?

- You didn't know?

They wanted her upstairs for pre-op stuff,

but she told me you told her to go.

- No, I would never have... Is she coming back?

- Should I tell OR to cancel? - No, no, no.

Call her first. Try every number we have for her.

- Bash. Did something happen between you two?

- No, nothing happened.

Just grab me if you get her, okay?

- Okay. - Thanks.

- Well, the only other actionable thing in the last hour was--

- Bashir, we need to talk about Dr. Ruston Thibeault.

- Yeah, that. - You booked an urgent consul

to my office, but Rusty was expecting

a HIDA scan, not psych.

And he was very upset when I showed up.

I made space. You already knew I was wall-to-wall today.

- Wait, wait, wait. Rusty's waiting for more imaging?

Did I get that wrong, Bash? Because I could've sworn

you asked me to set up a psych referral. Yeah, you did.

At least, that's what I have here.

- No, Arnold, you didn't get that wrong.

Thanks. - Okay...

- It happened again. (sighing)

- Do you remember what you said to Rusty?

- He convinced himself that he has gallstones,

but all the medical facts pointed to an anxiety reaction,

so I just-- - You wanted him to take

the steps that you were refusing to?

I told you this morning to accept

that this was happening and to take yourself off the floor.

- I was about to go talk to Devi about it like you said,

but then Mags needed me to talk to Devi as well,

so I wanted to be there for her.

- You risked your own wellbeing,

not to mention your other patients'.

- With the exception of sending Rusty to you,

I only saw one patient, who I was with when I gapped!

- Bashir... - No, she was saying that

she was having these personality changes

due to depression, but it was actually

because of a giant tumour in her head.

- Bash, do you hear yourself?

You say our work is pointless, ignore my advice,

and then demand for help on your terms?

(sighing)

Do you remember what your patient was saying when you were triggered?

- Yeah, that the damage had been done

and it was too late to fix it,

and I guess that just made me feel like...

Look, when I came back to myself, I was talking to Devi.

And, uh...

And now, my patient's gone

and I may have really messed things up for Mags.

- You need to take responsibility

for your actions today. Or I'll have to do it for you.

You know, it might be a good idea if I get you an Ativan.

- When it happened this morning,

I texted my friend Saleh in Syria.

And I guess I offered to sponsor both him and his wife to come to Canada.

Even though I can't afford it.

And then everything's so uncertain right now,

what was I thinking? - That you miss him.

That you deserve love and friendship.

Because you're not broken and some part of you

actually believes that.

I need it off! - Owen, you need to stay still.

(screaming)

- I need to scratch, it hurts! It itches.

- Okay, what happened?

- Who has been in here besides me?

He's reacting to something. - Well, I don't see a rash.

- Sometimes he just feels it. (screaming)

- Okay, Owen, what do you need?

What can we do to make you feel better?

- You don't really want to know.

You'll use it as a reason

to stop me from doing things I want to do.

- Owen, I just want to help you. - Nothing helps!

Nothing ever helps! I'm stuck this way and I hate it!

Make me sleep again, please!

Make me numb. I just want to be numb!

(breathing heavily)

- I'll get you a sedative.

- Hey, Theo, can you cover the rest of my patients today?

- Uh, yeah, sure, I think so. Just one sec.

Arnold, I need 30mg of ketamine

and 10 cetirizine for Owen, stat.

- On it, I'll meet you in there. - What's this about?

This about Mags? She okay?

I've been texting you for info, but you haven't--

- No, no, no, it's not. It's not. I'll explain later.

Arnold, can you help him with the patient transfer?

- Yeah.

- Dr. Thibeault, I wanted to...

You don't look so...

Hey, hey. Have a seat.

Are you okay? - Yes.

It's a rash, it's fine.

You're going to tell me that's all in my head, too.

- The psych consult could have been handled better.

(sighing) - Damn straight.

- But I never said it was all in your head, Rusty.

Gallstones or not, what you're feeling is real.

May I? - Yeah.

- Breathe.

Are you experiencing airway constriction?

Because your lips look like they're starting to swell.

- Yeah. I think so. - With me.

Anaphylaxis is not a symptom of gallstones.

Are you allergic to anything?

- No, radioactive imaging, tracer dye apparently.

- Wait, did you inject yourself with it?

- You wouldn't get me a HIDA scan,

I had to take matters into my own hands!

- So in order to prove that you had gallstones,

your plan was to scan yourself.

That's...

Lie back, please.

(sighing)

Okay, one, two, three...

We'll give it two minutes.

We're going to get you on fluids, antihistamines,

and steroids to flush the dye out of your system.

And then you should start to feel much better

if you want to go back to work. - No, not like this.

- Would you like me to let someone know?

- I don't want anyone knowing that I do this to myself.

Maybe calling psych wasn't the worst idea in the world.

- Hey. - Did you get it?

- Uh-huh. Aren't you supposed to be in bed on antibiotics?

- Yeah, the infusion went through. Is that for me? Can I see it?

- You don't have to act like a spy. They're your labs.

- Yeah, my surgeon already thinks I'm a problem.

But you know, I read his review on "Rate My MD",

and one of his patients said that he didn't go through the risks,

and another that he changed course and she wasn't consented.

My white blood cell count is normal.

- That's good. - If you're just gonna spit back

out things I already know... - Do you know?

Because you're not acting like somebody who's relieved that they're good to go.

Or that they have an excellent surgeon.

- Have you seen Bash? He was supposed to talk to Devi for me,

but he never came back and I need to know what she says before I...

- Before what? - Before...

- Before you go through with this?

Are you trying to get out of it? - No.

- Mags.

- I don't know.

Even if I was, it's obviously out of my control.

(beeping)

(sighing)

- Novak started a firestorm and then he vanished.

And now Devi wants me to sell him out.

Which is... really not important

considering what you're going through right now.

- Please don't say it.

- I'm just trying to help.

- Yeah, well, you just... you take it all for granted.

- What? - Yeah, you're out of residency.

You've got everything you've wanted right in front of you.

Meanwhile, the exact date that I get the job

I nearly killed myself for, I found out that this happens.

And if I say no to the transplant,

my dumb defective heart that I was born with

could just give out at anytime. Or maybe never, who knows!

And now, apparently, I'm moving back in with my parents.

- You're moving out of my house? - My mom, she rented a place

behind my back, yeah. - She's probably just trying to,

you know, help you not have to worry about things and, like...

- Why are you defending her?

- You know, not all of us have people just lining up trying to love us, Mags!

- June. Uh, your hernia patient.

He's come down, his heart rate's racing.

And he's febrile... - Um...

Can you prep him for Trauma OR? - Yeah.

Uh, Mags, is she okay?

- No.

and kidnap me this time! - Oh, c'mon.

We waited too long and now he won't get in the chair.

- Just relax.

Hartley, look at me.

The situation is serious.

Your hernia's strangulated and a prolonged lack of blood flow

could cause organ failure or even death.

So you do need the surgery. - Not if it means

I have to go under. - Babe!

What happened to you never feeling afraid again?

- The drugs you forced on me wore off.

Why would you do that to me? How could you think that would help?

- I don't know. I couldn't stand seeing you like that!

- Oh, so you made it about you, huh?

- No! I... God, why couldn't we just do this

when he was feeling good?

- Because that would have been a crime.

- See Dell, why does literally everyone

understand that except you?

There must be some kind of medicine we can try.

- There isn't! You need to face this like an adult.

Get in the chair! - Della, you can't--

- Well, I can't watch him die!

Hartley, get in the damn chair!

- Never! - Let's go!

(screaming)

- June, you need help here? - Yeah.

- He bit me!

- She drugged me without my consent!

- Alright, both of you calm down right now.

- Great.

- Is he dead?

- Nope, just in shock. - Good.

Can we do the surgery before he wakes up?

(sighing)

- The first time it happened

it was with my old chief, Dr. Bishop.

He saw me, he asked me to go to therapy and it helped.

It hasn't happened in two years.

- Okay... I'm sure it's not been easy

experiencing that again.

- I know, I should've stopped seeing patients immediately,

but I really thought I had it under control.

- We get that feeling like the walls are closing in,

sometimes, our instincts betray us and...

create blind spots.

Thank you for telling me.

If there's anything you need--

- Dr. Devi. Hear me out about Mags again.

If she was the right person before, she still will be after.

- That's what you said last time, too.

(sighing)

(knocking) - Feeling any better?

- A little.

Is Mac going to stop trying to help me after what I said?

Because I don't feel like that all the time.

- No, Owen, definitely not.

- But he's never going to let me drive after this.

- Let me see your phone. - Why?

- Trust me. I'm not going to read any of your texts.

Do you know about Kids Help Phone?

So in those moments when you feel out of control

and you need someone to talk to or text,

it is totally anonymous

and someone's always there to respond.

(sighing)

- My plan was to phase out at 65.

Barely anyone has room in their practice anymore.

I feel like I'd be abandoning all those people

I've known for so long.

For some, it's not bad, but kids like Owen,

they're the reason I wanted to do this kind of work.

- Hard to turn your back on a calling.

- As long as I'm still doing more good than harm.

- I wrote up a letter for his licence.

See what you think? - You saw what happened today.

If that happened on the road... - There's risks, yeah.

But Owen is thinking about his future which means he wants to live.

Look, it's your call, Mac.

But I think we should both sign it.

(knocking)

- Hey, I got that note about the statement you wanted me to sign.

- Yeah, one of the weirder incident reports

I've had to fill. - Yeah.

- How's our "biter?" - Uh, apparently,

losing consciousness is a stroke of luck

because we are not allowed to let you die.

So his hernia's fixed, and now he's awake and he's happy,

and they are in love again.

(laughing)

- What's that hair metal song called?

Uh... "Love hurts". Yeah.

Those guys knew.

- That was an intense dad voice you used earlier.

How's Henry? - Great.

- Yeah? And... you?

(sighing) - You know, it's funny.

You and me were together all that time and now we're just...

passing each other once in a while in the hall.

- I guess that's on me.

I feel really bad about how I played that.

Actually, about how I've managed to screw up most of my relationships.

- Hey. Ours was on me, too.

- No, it wasn't. (chuckle)

- So what's supposed to happen next?

- They'll be retrieving the donor heart late tonight.

First thing in the morning, we'll get going.

- Magalie. - What if I can't do it?

(sighing)

Okay.

(phone ringing)

- Hi, Sam. - Hi, June.

Just letting you know that everything's in order,

so green light from our end

if you want to do your IUI tomorrow.

(knocking)

- Thanks for not cancelling my surgery.

And for the concerned messages.

- I'm glad you're back.

- They're coming to shave my head.

What girl says no to that?

- Do you have anyone with you?

- My brother is on his way.

- Hey.

Weird question, but it's been that kind of day.

What did I say to you that made you leave?

- Made me leave and got me back.

You said it was okay to be scared.

That I just had to let myself sit with that and really feel it.

And that somewhere, in all of this,

there's a way to find the light.

- I'm here, Bash.

Say what you want to say to me.

- So many things have happened to me

that were out of my control.

Been thinking about you bringing us here,

finding us in Crete and...

After I got me and my sister stuck...

- You wish you hadn't let me?

- No, not at all.

Elliot, you, opened your family to us.

Disappearing from your life, that was me.

That was me being scared

that I'd never be able to build anything.

Trying to control it and getting mad when I couldn't.

I'm sorry.

But what I wanted to do was to thank you for that properly.

And to tell you that we wouldn't be

where we are today without you.

(♪♪)

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