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Did you see that, Uncle?

Did you see the way he looked at that bridesmaid?

Oh, no, he was just looking around

and accidentally there was a bridesmaid.

- Why doesn't he look at me? - Oh, he has seen you.

Did you catch that? Flirting right up to the last minute.

Oh, don't be silly.

I'll never be able to trust that girl.

Oh, I won't need you anymore today, Thompson.

- Good morning, Mrs. Kent. - Oh, good morning, Charles.

We've booked passage for you and Mr. Kent

on the Southern Queen sailing next Tuesday.

Oh, good. Did you get us a stateroom on the promenade deck?

Naturally. We've also arranged for your accommodations

in Rio, at the Hotel Atlántico.

- The presidential suite, of course? - Of course.

- How do you do? - Good morning, Dudley.

Now, don't worry about a thing, Mrs. Kent. When you arrive in Rio,

our man will meet you at the boat and escort to the hotel.

Fine.

Uh-oh! Here she is again.

You take care of her, Dudley, in a nice way. I got stuck last time.

Quite a character. Comes in here every few months.

Loads up on literature, plans elaborate tours.

- Never goes on one of them. - Really?

Why is that?

Well, she's just a singer in a honky-tonk. Hasn't got a dime.

Now, then, I think there are some papers

here for you to sign, Mrs. Kent.

- Oh, how do you do, Miss Garrett? - Oh, greetings, chum.

My, we haven't seen you, let's see, now, since, you didn't go to Switzerland.

Yeah, I got a big kick out of planning that trip.

What looks good this time of the year?

How about the Canadian Rockies?

Canadian Rockies? Don't you remember?

- I already haven't been there. - Oh, of course, I'm sorry.

Oh, what about a cruise through the Canal

and return home by train from Los Angeles?

The Canal's for schmoes.

Come on, what really looks good?

Well, uh, South America's getting a heavy play.

As a matter of fact, we have some literature on it,

if you'll just step right over here, Miss Garrett.

- Sure. - Here are the papers.

- Hello, Miss Garrett. - Hi.

"South America, the seat of ancient cultures.

Museums, missions, archeological ruins abound."

South America.

You could tell by her mañana?

Mañana, that fractures me.

Hey, what has South America got besides romantic ruins?

Let's see, it says here

there are approximately four men to every woman...

That's enough. Doesn't hurt a girl to be outnumbered now and then.

- Pardon me, Mrs. Kent. - Yes?

We're all set up to take your passport photo.

Oh, thank you. I'll be right in.

Say, as long as I'm handy, I might as well have one taken too.

But, Miss Garrett, you've already had seven passport pictures taken.

But never as a blond.

Are you going to tell your husband?

Oh, no, no, not yet. I want some time to prepare him for it.

Well...

Now, before you go, there's just one more thing.

- Uncle. Uncle. - Yeah.

- What happened? - Do you see what I see?

- What do you see? - Isn't that Elvira down there?

Now, Michael, don't tell me you are still jealous of her.

Well, why did they raise the top?

I don't know. Maybe they are afraid it will rain.

Oh!

Let's face it, Uncle. Elvira's a flirt, always has been.

Thought marriage would change her, but it hasn't.

Just the opposite, my boy.

When a woman is married, she has to flirt twice as hard.

To prove she's still got it.

Yes?

- Yes what? - Whom do you wish to see?

Mr. Michael Kent.

Who are you?

Oh, I'm Mr. Kent's secretary.

Oh, since when?

Since nine o'clock this morning.

- Who are you? - Mrs. Michael Kent.

Since three years ago.

Oh, really?

Why do you say, "Oh, really"?

Well, I didn't know Mr. Kent was married.

Well, you've only been here since nine o'clock.

He couldn't have gotten very far in the story of his life.

Shall I announce you to Mike... Uh, I mean, Mr. Kent?

Ah, never mind.

I'll just walk in on Mr. Ke... I mean, Michael.

- Hello. - Oh, hello, darling.

- Your hat's on crooked. - It's supposed to be that way.

Oh, is it?

Looks very cute. Very cute.

We'll take care of that a little later.

Uh... who was that you just drove up with?

Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't see me.

Well, if you must know, it was an automobile salesman.

Two of you looked so chummy, I could've sworn he was an old friend.

He was showing me how the car worked.

Oh? You didn't tell me you were getting a new car.

You didn't tell me you were getting a new secretary.

Where did she come from?

Oh, from the Acme Secretarial School, I suppose.

By the time we get back from South America

she'll be able to type with all 10 fingers.

Oh, South America. Oh...

- What's the matter, dear? - Oh, nothing, nothing.

Oh, excuse me.

- Mr. Kent, you wanted to see... - Fine, fine.

Put them out in the whole chain. I want everyone in America to smell good.

- Yes, sir. - Oh, ah...

Michael, every time you say, "Oh, uh," like that,

I know there's something on your mind and not in your throat.

- What about our trip? - Well, darling, this is it.

I'm afraid we're going to have to postpone it again.

Postpone it? Why?

Business. Something came up this morning...

About nine o'clock this morning?

Yes, yes, about nine.

Phone call from the West. Great chance for a merger.

Listen, marriage is a merger too, you know.

- And a darned important one. - I know, I know.

If we grab the Great Western Drug Company,

why, there won't be a hot-water bottle in the nation without our name on it.

That's a comfort.

Tell JB to put those hot water bottles

on the national network. Yes.

You wanted me to remind you of your lunch appointment.

Oh, yes, yes, thank you, Miss Medwick. Bye-bye, dear.

May see you at dinner. Glad you see it my way.

Come on, Miss Medwick, bring your notebook.

This is not only lunch, it's business.

- Would you please sign these? - Oh, yes, yes.

Mm... that's a wonderful perfume.

Don't believe we carry that in our stores.

Would you mind telling me what it is?

It's called "Tonight or Never."

It's your passport photo.

A messenger just brought it from the Baker Travel Agency.

A lot of good it'll do me now.

- We'd better put it in stock. - Oh, yes, sir.

If you don't want it, I'd be glad to keep it as a souvenir.

You're sweet.

Excuse me.

- Would you mind finishing? - Oh.

- Hello, dear. - Hello, Uncle Lazlo.

Your... your hat is on crooked.

- It's supposed to be that way. - Oh.

I guess you heard Michael cannot go to South America.

Uncle Lazlo, couldn't you handle this deal yourself?

No, darling, I cannot do anything without Michael.

I am the President of the company, but he is my...

my brains in the drugstore business.

When I started in this business, nobody was helping me.

No. I was a soda jerker.

I was such a thin boy, my boss was such a guy.

One mistake, I got a punch in the nose.

But now it is different.

I am the success, so he does all the work.

No, no, no, I cannot let Michael go, not for a day.

He's the great business head.

I didn't marry Mike for his business head.

He's so attractive, but he's such a wolf.

Uncle Lazlo, don't you think it's a little strange

that this business deal should pop up

the same morning he hires a beautiful new secretary?

I know what you are insinuating, but you are 90 percent wrong.

Oh... what about the other 10 percent?

Oh, well, I'm not saying that

Michael has not looked at another woman.

Who hasn't? I have looked at women.

And the few that looked back, I married.

That cured me of looking.

I will tell you what, I still like women

but I... I stopped looking.

Well, that isn't me.

Is there a phone number on the back? Let me see.

- Ah, ah, ah. - A nice girl.

I thought you'd stopped looking.

Why, I know who that is. That's that girl in the agency.

She's quite a character.

Elvira, dear, why not forget about Michael

and take this trip yourself, why?

And leave him here with a free hand? Oh, no.

Don't be silly.

Even if you were here, if Michael wanted to play around

in a city like New York, with a little caution, eh.

If he thought I was away, he wouldn't bother

about being careful.

How I'd love to go to South America and catch Michael here.

My dear niece, not only is it impossible

but it cannot be done.

Uncle.

- What? - I think I have an idea.

What? What idea?

Get me the Baker Travel Agency

and I wanna speak to Charles, please.

- Travel agency? - Uncle,

we're going nightclubbing tonight.

Ni... nightclubbing?

Hello, Charles. This is Mrs. Kent.

- Uncle. Uncle. - Yes?

This is the girl.

I hope you know what you are doing.

Waiter, have you a table for two?

Sorry, no formal dress allowed.

Why?

Makes the customers feel uncomfortable.

Oh, makes them uncomfortable.

And how much makes them comfortable?

You rich guys think that money can buy anything.

How right you are.

Nobody would ever suspect you love music.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

That ought to prove I'm not rude.

We now present our singing star, an Oscar Farrar discovery,

trained by Oscar Farrar and appearing here

through the courtesy of Oscar Farrar.

Incidentally, my name is Oscar...

seems to escape me for the moment.

Miss Georgia Garrett.

Hi, baby.

So she's in love.

- What's the name of that song? - "I'm in Love."

Did I do right by you?

You always do. All this is beneath me.

Why don't you marry me so I can quit this job.

You know, I'm getting little tired of turning you down.

Marry me and get yourself a dependent. I'm deductible.

Oscar, you're a sweet kid, but just a little offensive.

I wanted to marry a girl who could tune a piano on the side.

Once and for all, will you marry me?

- Answer yes or no. - No.

We'll continue this discussion later.

Will you see me home?

Hey, Georgia, a couple of income-tax evaders,

want you to have a drink with them. Table seven.

I'll drink with them, but autographs are out of the question.

- Okay. - Captain, did they ask for me, too?

No one ever asks for you.

How did a sweet kid like you ever get into this racket?

- Ah! - Yah!

- Hello. - Hello.

- Hello. - Hi.

Miss Garrett, I'm Elvira Kent.

- This is my uncle, Lazlo Lazlo. - Hello.

If he isn't your uncle, is that my business?

You can believe me, she's my niece.

I have experiences in nieces.

- Won't you sit down? - Don't be surprised if I do.

That's cute.

We ordered champagne cocktails if it is all right with you.

So I'm stuck with it.

Say, haven't I seen you some place?

Baker Travel Agency.

And what's more they sent me your passport photo by mistake.

Of course, the schmoes, they sent me yours.

It's in my dressing room, want it?

- There's no hurry. - You can keep mine.

- I'm not going anyplace. - Well, neither am I.

- Did you run out of money too? - Oh, no.

My niece cannot run out of money.

I am the owner of one of the greatest drugstore chains.

When I came in this country I was a soda jerker.

I was such a thin boy, my boss was such a guy.

One mistake, I got a punch in the nose.

No, no.

- Miss Garrett. - Listening.

How would you like to go to South America after all?

How would I like to go to...?

- Oh, you mean as a stowaway? - No.

In a first class cabin, all expenses paid

and 1,000 dollars spending money.

What radio program do you two represent and how did I win it?

Oh, nothing to do with radio or contests

or anything like that. No.

What's the catch? There must be a catch.

- There is. - Mm.

You see, you have to travel under my name.

Under your name? You tired of it?

No. You see, I'm married and...

Oh, ashamed of it.

No.

Miss Garrett, I don't trust my husband.

Natch.

Well, I thought if he thought I was in South America,

then he'd play around quite openly and...

And she would be here to catch him.

Well, why not let him play around?

Keeps them off the streets.

Oy!

Please. This is a legitimate offer.

Yes, it is.

Do you mean after all these years of planning and dreaming

and never getting out of Far Rockaway...

You mean this thing is just gonna fall right in my lap?

Right in your laps.

Well, what am I asking questions for?

Lady, have you got yourself a deal.

- Oh, good. - Let's drink to that.

Wonderful. A votre santé.

- A votre what? - A votre santé.

- What's that mean? - Your health.

Mine's fine, thanks. How's yours?

Oh, no, don't pack that. I'll need that in New York.

- Beg pardon? - I won't be using it in Rio.

You can stop packing, Marie.

- Hello, darling. - Hello.

I'll be finished with the merger by the end of the week

and then I can go with you.

Huh?

I said I'll be finished in a few days. Aren't you happy?

Uh. Oh, yes, I certainly am.

It's just that it interferes with all my plans.

Plans? What plans?

What she means is her boat leaves tomorrow and not in a few days, you know.

Oh, another one leaves Saturday. I looked it up, only 96 hours.

But... but... but, darling,

you can't complete a decent merger in 96 hours.

She's right, if you should mess up this deal,

you'll... you'll never forgive yourself.

- Yes, I will. - Then I'll never forgive you.

- Oh, the phone. - Look, darling, this is...

Hello. Oh, hello, G-G-Georgia.

I can't talk to you now, I'm in a terrible hurry.

I'll see you on the boat. Goodbye, Georgia.

Who's this you'll see on the boat? George who?

George who? Oh, George who?

Oh, not George who, Georgia. Just a girlfriend of mine.

But no, darling, you stay here and take care of your affairs.

Well, this seems very funny to me.

Very funny that you can't wait till Saturday.

Only four days.

Don't you think it's funny, Uncle?

No, it isn't funny at all.

Well, maybe not to you because you have no feelings of such matters.

What? I have no feeling? You have no feeling.

You are just talking, talking, don't know what about.

She cannot postpone her trip.

The whole thing is settled with Georgia.

What's settled with Georgia? Say, who is this Georgia anyway?

You see, you haven't the faintest notion.

Georgia is the girl who has to... sh...

- You are driving me crazy. - Oh.

Elvira, don't you think you owe me an explanation?

I can't hear a word you're saying.

The shower's making too much noise. Just what are you up to?

I can't talk to you right now.

I want one reason, at least one good reason

why you have to go off by yourself.

I can't talk to you right now.

Well, If I can't hear you, at least let me see you.

Now, are you gonna wait for me? Yes or no?

- Oh, hello. - Come in.

Excuse me, are you Peter Virgil?

I am.

- Peter Virgil, the detective? - Yes.

Oh, you see, a client of mine suspects that his wife

is slowly poisoning him and I was just examining the evidence.

No, there's no poison. It could stand a little sugar though.

Excuse me. See I...

I figure as long as there's no poison, why,

I might as well drink it.

- Would you join me in a cup of evidence? - Oh, no, no, thanks.

Well, sit down. What can I do for you?

Well, you'll excuse me for being blunt, Mr. Virgil.

Tell me, Mr. Virgil.

- Are you a good detective? - Oh, naturally.

Uh, where did you get your training?

In the Army. Intelligence G-2.

Well, were you good at your job?

We won the war, didn't we?

Before that I was a vaudeville hoofer,

a professional wrestler, and a magician's assistant.

So you can see, I'm a man of wide experience, mister...?

Kent. Michael Kent.

You see how I wormed that name out of you?

Uh, Mr. Virgil, I'm here on a very delicate matter.

- I suppose you're married? - Yes.

I know what I'm doing is not quite the right thing...

But, uh, what you suspect your wife is doing is even worse?

The fact of the matter is, Mr. Virgil, uh,

my wife is leaving day after tomorrow on a South American cruise.

Well, she insists on going without me.

Hm. To a man of your suspicious nature

that means only one thing, another man on the boat.

See, I don't know. I want you to find out.

You've come to the right man. I've handled so many cases. I...

Excuse me.

Hello.

Oh, yes, how are you?

Well, certainly I shadowed your wife.

I hate to tell you this, but you were right.

She's been two-timing you.

Hello? Hello?

He fainted.

Sometimes there's a shot.

Now, where were we?

Mr. Virgil, I want you to get on the same boat and shadow her.

Now, wait a minute, that means I'll have to leave all of my business.

I'll make it up to you.

I can tell you right now without batting an eyelash,

it'll cost you 1,000 dollars a week.

Well, that's a little steep, isn't it, old boy?

Yes, yes, it is, but I'll probably get seasick.

Well, all right, all right. I'll book your passage.

Hm. Now, move your chair a little closer, will you?

There's a little confidential information I must have.

Oh, excuse me. Hello.

Well, what do you know?

He didn't even wait for me to tell him.

It still isn't too late, darling.

Can't you wait just two or three weeks?

Oh, Mike, don't be ridiculous. Here I am, we're sailing any minute.

I can get you off the boat in a while.

Now, sweetheart, will you please not worry about me? I'll be back soon.

Yeah, I know, but I'm gonna miss you so much.

Well, just have the feeling that I'm always near you.

I'll try, and darling, I want you to remember

that wherever you are, I'll be watching over you.

Oh, what a lovely sentiment.

Oh, isn't that the warning whistle?

Well, I didn't hear anything. Did you, Uncle?

The whistle? Yes, sure I heard. I still hear it.

- Well, goodbye, darling. - Goodbye.

Have fun.

Come along, Uncle.

- Well, goodbye, darling. - Goodbye. Goodbye.

Oh, I didn't lie, just the whistle is a little late.

I can understand anybody running away from me

but not on such an elaborate scale.

It was very sweet of you to come, Oscar. Goodbye.

I'll give you one more chance to explain. Where did you get the money?

- I told you. - You didn't tell me anything.

That's right, I told you I couldn't tell you.

You treat me like an empty suit.

Are you going with somebody?

Scout's honor, Oscar, I'm traveling alone.

That's no fun. Georgia, I won't let you do this.

It's not only walking out on your job and me.

Once you go away you cut down my list of friends a 100 percent.

- Think of that. - I have thought about it.

That's the gratitude I get.

I taught you everything you know, gave you a career,

I picked you up when you were working behind a ribbon counter

for 45 dollars a week and gave you job at the club.

At a snappy 40 a week.

You can't expect to start at the top.

Although I've often wondered why not.

Oscar, you better go. I have so many things to do before we sail.

I know when I'm not wanted.

It happens to me constantly.

Oscar.

Aren't you gonna kiss me?

I don't know how. Will you show me?

You don't know how either.

B flat, that's your key.

Don't forget to put your shoes in front of the cabin every night.

- Be sure to write. - I will.

You sure you're not going with somebody?

Goodbye, Oscar.

You're sure everything's gonna be all right?

Now don't worry about a thing.

Now, don't forget, I want you to write me every chance you get.

If what I have to report can't go through the mails.

I-I'll phone you.

- All right. - I've had a lot of these cases.

- I hope I'm doing is all right. - Yes, you're all right.

- Everything's all right. - Okay.

- Oh, excuse me. - Sorry.

- Should I wait for you? - No, you better go with Michael,

because he might get suspicious, you know.

- That's right. - Come in?

- All clear? - Yes, nobody here but my uncle.

And I am practically gone already.

Have a nice trip, my da... Oh, pardon me.

You have a... oh, excuse me.

- See you later. - Yes, all right.

- Good luck to you. - Thank you, bye.

- Goodbye. - You all right?

Oh, you don't know what a tough time

I had getting rid of my boyfriend.

I'm beat.

Uh, Georgia... I mean, Elvira,

because That's gonna be your name for few months, you know?

Please be careful of your speech.

Mrs. Kent may be fatigued, but she's never beat.

Okay, I'm fatigued, but my feet hurt.

Michael.

Michael.

I... I thought I lost you.

Well, you see, I was just seeing a friend

about some business in South America.

Well, goodbye, Georgia. Best of luck to you. Have a wonderful trip.

Thanks.

Oh, and I almost forgot to tell you, I over-tip.

- Okay. It's your money. - That's right.

Now let me see, checked the passenger list.

Nobody knows me.

So far so good.

Now here...

I've written several letters to my husband

addressed from various ports.

Please be sure to mail them one by one at each place you stop.

- Uh-huh. - That ought to convince him

- I'm traveling. - It's a cinch.

Well, goodbye again and good luck to you.

- Bye. Thanks. - Oh.

I almost forgot the most important thing.

How do you feel about men?

They're grand. I mean, they're the most important thing.

Well, with your figure and my name, the men will be flocking after you.

Say, that's happened to me plenty under my own name.

Well, just remember that while your lips are being kissed

it's my reputation that's suffering.

- I'll make a note of that. - Good.

Oh, dear, I'm liable to be trapped on the boat.

- Well, goodbye, Georgia. - Goodbye.

I hope you make me very proud of me.

- I'll try. - Oh.

Do me a favor, have a wonderful time.

But please stay in your cabin as much as possible

and as alone as possible.

I'll make a note of that, too, and underline it.

Good. Bye.

All ashore that's going ashore.

What's the matter with you?

- What's the matter with you? - I think I... I forget.

- Forget what? - I for...

Nothing at all.

I think I get seasick.

The ship isn't even moving.

Why didn't you tell me that?

Late for work, aren't you?

Could you tell me what table Mrs. Elvira Kent has reserved?

Table 64. Is that where you're stationed?

- What do you mean by stationed? - Aren't you a new waiter?

Me? Certainly not. I'm a passenger.

In fact, I've got one of the most luxurious cabins on the boat.

- Oh, I beg your pardon. - You certainly should.

If I were not a headwaiter, I'd be flustered.

What gave you the idea I was working here?

It was a natural mistake.

You see, on board, no one dresses the first night out.

Oh, well, what's good enough for you is good enough for me.

- Ah! - Oh, I'm so sorry.

- Uh, my dear young lady. - Yes?

I advise you to go to your cabin and get out of your clothes at once.

- I beg your Pardon? - Don't go there,

- you'll be frightfully embarrassed. - Embarrassed? Why?

Well, nobody dresses the first night out.

They don't?

Even if it's chilly?

This I gotta see.

You mean nobody dresses up.

Of course. Didn't you know that?

Then what are you doing in that monkey suit?

Well, confidentially, this is my first boat trip too.

- Really? - Yes.

My dear man, I've been on more world cruises

than you could shake a stick at.

It's just that compared to my other gowns,

I don't consider this very formal. That's all.

- Is that so? - Hmm.

Well, if you don't consider that formal

I, uh, I'd like to see the rest of your wardrobe.

Mrs. Elvira Kent.

In particular, I have one little item

- that's backless, strapless. - Paging Mrs. Kent.

- Almost frontless. - Mrs. Elvira Kent.

Mrs. Elvira Kent?

Oh, my goodness. Mrs. Elvira Kent, that's me.

Hey, boy.

- Are you Mrs. Kent? - Natch. I mean, naturally.

- Radiogram. - Oh, thank you.

- Just a moment. - May I?

Oh, no, no, no, I'll take care of it. Thank you.

Thank you.

- Thank you. - That's all right.

I'm told I over-tip.

- Really? - Hm.

- Would you excuse me, please? - Yes, certainly.

"Don't dress first night out." Now she tells me.

Mrs. Kent, now that I know your name, it's fair that you should know mine.

- It's immaterial. - Well, it's Peter Virgil.

I was wondering, Mrs. Kent, if you're as hungry as Mr. Virgil.

I could eat a cow.

Well, then, our dress not-withstanding,

will you have dinner with me?

If I'm overdressed, I might as well overeat.

- Well... - That is, unless you have

some other dinner engagement?

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, now, surely you must have some friends on board.

Hey, well, I don't mean male friends.

I mean, female... I mean, girlfriends often go on cruises together.

- I don't know a soul on this tub. - Huh?

Except Mr. Peter Virgil.

Well then, chin up, eyes straight ahead,

and what care we if the peasants stare.

Carry on.

Oh, waiter.

Come here. Table for two, please.

Oh, I'm very sorry, the dining room's just been closed.

What do you mean? First you Ritz me.

Then you try to starve two perfectly good paying customers.

Ah, ah, ah, the man is only doing his duty.

After all, it's our fault that we dawdled.

- Did we dawdle? - Mm-hm.

Just the same, thanks ever so.

Why don't you try the cocktail lounge?

The pretzels are delicious.

That's an excellent suggestion. I'm famished.

- More pretzels, please. - More pretzels. Yes, sir.

Yes, thank you.

Tell me, Mr. Virgil, what business are you in?

I stick my nose into other people's business.

- You know how it is when a man's retired. - Retired? Retired from what?

I, uh, I made my fortune in the entertainment business.

- Oh, really? - Mm-hm.

I invented a new system for clearing audiences out of theaters.

- You're cute. - Thank you.

- You know something? - What?

I've had a secret ambition to be a singer.

Is that so? Most singers have ambitions to be society dames.

Frankly, Mr. Virgil,

I don't see why you're wasting your time with a married woman

when there're so many attractive single girls on board.

Oh, yes, yes.

Well, you see, the single girls are looking for husbands

while the married women are running away from their husbands.

Frankly, I'd rather be with those running than with those looking.

But don't you want to be married?

Well, most husbands I know speak very poorly of marriage.

What, do you think of your marriage?

Would you believe it? I haven't felt married for a minute.

- Yours must be a very unusual marriage. - It certainly is.

I think we had quite enough dinner, thank you.

What would you like to do now?

I wish I could.

Isn't that lovely?

- Hello. - Good evening.

- Oh, and you do sing? - A little.

- You know this song? - Yes.

Could you raise it a little, please?

- Sure. - B flat, fellas.

I shouldn't have done that.

I promise not to report to the social register.

I'm so bored with it all, strictly entre nous.

I do wish I didn't have to keep up appearances all the time.

Oh, I'm tired of pretending too. Let's let our hair down.

Let's follow our impulses wherever they lead and make this a real vacation.

I think you've got something there.

- May I? - Of course.

Anything above the third rib I consider formal.

- Uh, Mrs. Kent? - Yes?

- I mean, Elvira. - Yes?

- May I see you to your cabin? - Well, that...

- For you, Mrs. Kent. - Thank you.

- Would you tip him, please? - Yes.

- I over-tip. - Oh, of course. That's right.

Well?

No, thank you, Mr. Virgil. I'll find my way alone.

So nice meeting you. Good night.

That's Havana.

Hey, hey.

Hello, New York?

Havana calling, Mr. Michael Kent.

Plaza 43444.

Desires to reverse charges.

Reverse charges?

Oh, just one moment, please.

Havana calling, Mr. Kent. Wishes to reverse the charges.

Oh. Oh, yes. I'll accept it.

Hello.

Yes, yes I'll accept the charges.

Hello. Who?

It's me, Peter Virgil.

We're in Havana for a few hours, I thought I'd call to give you the news.

Yes, yes, of course. Well, what is the news?

No news.

What do you mean, no news?

She hasn't even looked at another man.

Professionally, I'm very disappointed.

Well, personally, I'm not.

You mean she really hasn't spoken to another man?

Well, she's spoken to me.

What? You two know each other already?

Well, naturally, I had to make her acquaintance.

Well, uh, was it difficult?

Tell me, uh, who spoke first?

I di... look, don't worry.

The slogan of my firm is "Never kiss a client's wife."

Well, don't change slogans in mid-ocean.

- Hello, is this Mrs. Elvira Kent? - Yes.

It is? Well, this is Mrs. Elvira Kent speaking.

Oh, excuse me, this is Georgia, Georgia Garrett.

I'm taking my work seriously, I already don't know who I am.

Well, that's good. Have you been sticking close to your cabin?

Have I? I've only spoken to one man,

and he's harmless, quite.

I thought I warned you about that.

I figured that if I don't speak to any men at all,

it's sure to attract attention to me, you see.

Oh, by the way, Mrs. Kent, I know it's none of my business,

but have you got anything on your husband yet?

I'm afraid his conduct has been impeccable.

Oh, caught him with the goods?

No, that means he's been behaving himself.

Oh, too bad.

Maybe he'll do something un-impeccable before I come back.

Well, goodbye. And look, keep in touch with me, will you?

Okay. Goodbye.

Oh, I thought you were waiting outside.

Well, I... I suddenly remembered I had to call New York.

- Girlfriend, huh? - No, no, business. And you?

I was calling New York too.

Boyfriend, huh?

- Better than a boyfriend. My husband. - Oh.

What? You mean, you were talking to your husband just now?

I just hung up.

- Does that surprise you? - Yes, it certainly does. I...

Poor darling. He was home waiting for my call.

He's quite a treasure. I think I'll send him a letter.

Don't you have to write it first?

Oh, no, I'm way ahead on my letter writing.

Bless his heart.

Look, do you see a doorway over there?

Sure.

- Do you hear somebody singing? - Sure.

Huh, well, then I guess I'm not crazy.

Shall we absorb some of the local color?

Let's.

- Eh, table for two, please. - Si, señor.

Bring us a couple of drinks of something tall and cool.

- Oh, Havana. Isn't it romantic? - You know, you amaze me.

You must've made this trip a 100 times.

Yet you make it sound like it's the first time.

- You know what my secret is? - No, what?

- No. - No, come on, tell me.

Well, I keep telling myself this is my first trip.

Pedro, you must teach me that song.

Si, si.

Oh, you speak Spanish.

It's just like a native.

We have many requests for this song. I have English lyrics.

- Oh, thank you. - Will be 25 cents, please.

The tourist trade. Aye, the tourist trade.

Gee, now, that's a beautiful song.

There's something about the way you sing it.

I don't know, it... it does something to me.

- Here you are. - Gracias.

Will you have dinner with me tonight?

Why not? We've had it together every night so far.

- Just a moment, sir. - I gotta catch that boat.

Your tickets.

What's the matter? Don't you trust me?

Your table or mine?

Say, I've got an idea. What about table nine?

- Table nine? - That's in a nice dark corner.

Georgia!

What's the matter?

- Nothing. - Huh?

If I'm gonna be ready in time, I'd better start dressing.

- What's the hurry? - I'll see you later.

- I'm-I'm... - I'll see you later.

Georgia.

May I help you, sir?

Well, you're not exactly my type, but you can take my bags.

- Good evening, madame. - Good evening.

Did you give the message to Mr. Virgil?

Yes, I told him that you weren't having dinner this evening...

because you were indisposed.

- Thank you. - Yes, madame.

Did you bring a little herring?

Yes, madame. Marinated.

The purse is right over there, help yourself.

It's all right, I over-tip.

Thank you so much, ma'am.

Who is it?

It's me, Peter. How do you feel?

Terrible. Just terrible.

Well, we'll fix you right up. I-I brought a doctor.

I don't need a doctor. I want to be left alone.

Well I can't stand in this passageway all night, young lady.

It's drafty, and I'm... I'm catching cold.

Take two aspirins and go to bed.

Thank you very much, good idea. I'll do that.

But... but first, I'll have to examine you.

Might be something contagious, you know.

All right, doctor. Just a minute.

Come in.

You better stay outside. We don't want to start an epidemic.

Ah, now, tell me, where does it hurt?

Everywhere.

Oh, well, then, I suppose we should start looking some place.

- Uh-huh. - Yes, let me see your tongue.

- Oh! - What's the matter?

I get dizzy when I bend. I must be coming down with something.

Aw.

Oh, thank you very much, yes. Oh, may I feel your pulse?

Yes. Ah, you might as well feel mine.

Uh-huh? Oh!

If you'd be so kind. Thank you.

Yes, your pulse is normal.

- Yours is fast. - I was sure of it.

Well, I suppose I ought to tap something.

- Here - Oh, thank you so much.

- Now say, "Ah." - Ah.

Ah!

- My diagnosis was correct. - What do you recommend, doctor?

- A sea voyage. - A sea...

Oh, we're on one, aren't we? I'm so sorry. How silly of me.

I'll give you an injection and put you to sleep.

That shouldn't do you any harm.

Will it hurt, doctor?

Well, it shouldn't,

but I'm, uh, a bit clumsy, you know.

Couldn't I just read myself to sleep?

No, I'm afraid not. Now, just one moment.

Ah!

Oh, I feel faint.

Who got jabbed, me or you?

I seem to smell food odors.

That's always a bad sign.

And herring too.

Why do I smell herring?

I guess there's a school of herring following the ship.

No, no, not marinated herring.

Oh, I don't feel so hot.

I think I better be going.

- Goodnight, doctor. - Goodnight.

- And I hope I sleep well. - I hope so.

- Well, doctor? - Yes, she'll live.

But I can't make any prediction about myself.

Would you mind helping me to my cabin?

Not at all. Is something wrong?

Thank you very much. I don't feel so good. I sort of...

Oh, mess boy.

I'm the purser. What can I do for you?

There's something wrong with your passenger list.

You haven't got a Miss Georgia Garrett listed.

- What was that name again? - Georgia Garrett.

Georgia as in marching through. Garrett as in starving in.

I'm sorry, if she isn't listed, she's not on board.

Don't be coy. I've been chasing her all over the ship.

Tell me, do you know this tomato?

Why, certainly. This toma...

This lady is Mrs. Michael Kent.

Oh, she's Mrs. Kent now.

And what is Mrs. Kent's stateroom?

Twenty-three, B deck.

Thank you and take the next two weeks off.

Sure. What?

I haven't eaten all day.

Come in.

Oscar, how'd you get on this boat?

- I lied about my age. - You chooch!

- You followed me here, huh? - That's right.

I was sitting alone in a restaurant

the waiter put down a check and you weren't there to pick it up.

Oscar, please go away.

Incidentally, I picked up your last two paychecks.

It was barely enough to pay for my plane ticket.

Didn't leave me enough to buy you a present.

I feel like a cad.

You crook. You can go to jail for that.

Marry me. You won't have to testify against me.

I'm so sleepy.

And you know I don't love you.

I don't know whether to believe what I'm hearing

or what I'm feeling.

Where's the radio room?

- Top deck, sir, next to lounge. - Thanks.

I have all the seductive powers of a sedative.

You chooch.

Will you please send this radiogram at once?

And send it collect.

Good morning.

Well, good morning.

Good morning. And I use the expression loosely.

- How are you? - I feel just fine.

I think you'd be interested to know I feel fine too.

I was sure you would.

I wanna thank you. You left me in good hands last night.

- Yes, yes, I... I saw as much. - That doctor sure gets results.

Of course, sometimes he needs help.

Huh?

I mean that specialist that was called in on the case afterwards.

Specialist?

Can you explain why that man was in your cabin kissing you?

- No. - Well?

Well, can you explain why you were watching my cabin?

- No. - Well?

- Well, maybe... - Maybe, what?

Well, maybe I'm narrow-minded.

But I don't like married women who play around with other men.

Would you feel different if the other man was you?

- That's beside the point. - It is, is it?

Yes, it is. Everything they've said about women like you

on boats with men like me turned out to be true.

Or don't you follow me?

I've wanted to, Peter, anywhere, anytime.

Well, don't.

- Peter, you can't mean that. - I ca...

I've only one thing to say to you, Mrs. Kent.

I would certainly hate to be... Mr. Kent.

You chooch!

- Good morning, madam. - Good morning.

I'd like to get higher than a kite.

Yes, madam. What shall it be?

I don't know, I don't drink.

Well, how about cherry...

Never mind. I'll get my kicks my way. Just forget it.

- Hi, fellas. - Hi.

Why so glum?

I don't know. I'm in the mood, I guess.

- Bright or blue? - You start it, I'll finish it.

- Oh. Thanks, fellas. Excuse me. - That was fun.

- So, it's you. - I accept that as a greeting.

Very funny. Oscar, what do you want?

For one thing, I'd like to get this Mrs. Michael Kent business straight.

Oh, please, why don't you go home?

I can't swim.

Oscar, if you really love me, you'll pretend not to know me.

Listen, I didn't come all this way and spend all your money

to pretend I don't know you.

Does that instrument interfere with your work?

You're in some kinda trouble, aren't you, honey?

The worst kind of trouble.

Oscar, I'm in love.

Don't you think you're being a little forward?

- Not with you. - That was a short romance.

It's all so complicated.

Remember the night at the club

when that classy couple asked me to have a drink?

Mm-hm.

They turned out to be Mrs. Elvira Kent and her uncle,

head of a drugstore chain.

What a deal they threw my way.

A chance to cash in on all my dreams, so I accepted.

My first night on board, I met him.

There must be something about salt air.

He looked so wonderful to me.

By the time we reached Cuba, I was in love with him.

Head over heels, if you know what I mean.

Oh, Havana was heaven.

And all the time I had to pretend that

who I was, I wasn't.

This morning, what does he give me?

The gate, hinges and all.

So here I am. He thinks I'm married.

If I kiss him, I lose him.

On the other hand, if I tell him the truth, who will he hate most?

A cheat or a phony?

I know you're a phony, I don't hate you.

You don't know what it's like to want someone

and not be able to do anything about it.

Don't I? Oh, well.

I guess I'll just have to bury myself in my work.

Is that your "Brooklyn Rhapsody?"

Who said anything about Brooklyn?

It's now called "The Caribbean Rhapsody." I'm very adaptable.

- Have you finished it? - I don't want to.

People will like it, they'll make a fuss over me.

I'll have no time for myself. I'll be the toast of the town.

Then what happens to that sweet boy you and I both love?

Aren't you being modest? I have confidence in you.

Everybody has confidence in me. That's my trouble.

In high school, I was voted the boy most likely to succeed.

In college, they said I had a brilliant future.

I wonder what ever became of me.

It's magic.

You know, that's a mighty dangerous song.

And this night isn't helping any either.

It's one for the books.

Just like they said in the folder.

They didn't leave anything out tonight. Breeze, moon, stars.

And all working overtime.

Makes a man feel...

Wants a woman in his arms.

And... vice versa.

If only you weren't married.

How I wish I could tell you I wasn't.

How easy it would be if you weren't married.

I'd take you in my arms.

- Like how? - Like this.

Then what?

On your lips, I'd... I'd plant a kiss.

Such as?

But then you... you have a husband.

And you have principles.

- Elvira. - Yes, Peter?

There's something I've gotta do. I can't help myself.

If you can't help yourself, you can't help yourself.

I gotta send a cablegram.

Another radiogram to be sent at once.

Send that one collect too.

You'll let me know how it comes out, won't you?

Mrs. Kent, a message from Mr. Farrar.

Mrs. Kent, I have a message from Mr. Virgil.

I'm first. Mr. Farrar would like you to join him at the Flambio.

That's my message! Mr. Virgil said he had to go ashore to make a call

and would you please meet him at the Flambio?

- Flambio? - Flambio.

- May we sing you a song? - Not about a good woman.

There's no such thing. Run when you see a pretty woman.

Ah, but when you sing calypso, you don't say

"When you see a pretty woman." When you see a pretty wom-ahn.

- When you see a pretty wom-ahn? - That's right.

You sing, we'll follow you.

What can I lose that I haven't already lost?

Oh, I beg your pardon.

I'm sorry, didn't see you coming.

- You go in, after me, please. - No, after you.

I insist, please.

- All right, fine. - Thank you.

- You on the same boat? - Yeah, the Southern Queen.

Ah.

Good evening. What is your pleasure?

- A double. - A double what?

Double anything.

- And you, sir? - The same.

Women.

I agree with you 100 percent.

They're a bad influence on a man.

Not only that, but they're habit-forming.

You know, I can't think of one single good thing

to say about them.

That's a mighty smooth drink.

Another.

Me, too. Only this time, make mine a triple.

A triple, sir? Very good.

Who said, "You can't live with them, can't live without 'em?"

Probably the same guy who said, "More truth than poetry."

And I wouldn't care to meet either of them.

The cause of all human suffering, you know.

To think that we gave up a perfectly good rib.

And not that they appreciate it.

What does yours look like?

Well...

Funny, mine looks exactly the same.

Yeah?

- I drink to your woman. - I drink to yours.

- One more for me. - I, likewise.

I'm beginning to feel those two drinks.

Me too. I should've eaten before I came in.

Yeah, that's always a good idea.

Is yours a blonde too?

This season. I've loved her as a brunette, a brownette,

and a redhead.

A little peroxide will never come between us.

Speaking about figures, curves?

Curves?

When you put your arm around her waist, you gotta go into second.

- What color are her eyes? - Now, I never could tell.

Every time I look into them, I get dizzy.

My experience exactly.

Hey, we could be talking about the same girl.

What's your girl's name?

- Georgia. Georgia Garrett. - Georgia Garrett.

No, no, that's a different girl.

Mine is gonna be here any minute.

- I want you to meet her. - Mine will be here too.

I bet they'll like each other at first sight.

While we're waiting, what do you say we have another drink?

Just the thing I say.

Fill her up again, bartender.

That is a wonderful suggestion.

I came through, didn't I?

Boy, you can say that again.

- I come through. - Yes, sir.

Of course, the rub is that mine is married.

How about yours, is yours a Mrs.?

- At the moment. - Mm.

I don't know about you.

But I'm really getting a little high.

So am I. I don't know what he puts in those drinks.

But he's really won me over.

Dare we try another?

Second the motion.

Coming right up.

- Oh, waiter. - Yes, miss.

Do you see those gentlemen at the far end of the bar?

Yes, miss.

Oh, would you be so kind and give them these messages?

Thank you.

Here you are, gentlemen.

- Keep the change. - Thanks.

I'm not leaving until I get this recipe.

Excuse me. The lady sent this.

The lady sent this.

What do you know, she's standing me up.

Yeah? Well, shake hands. Mine isn't coming down either.

I'll show her. I just might catch a plane to New York.

Yeah, well, maybe I ought to go to New York myself.

I'm not doing any good here. Mind if I go with you?

Have you got the price of two tickets?

- Oh, I got better than that. - In that case, be my guest.

Steady, steady, steady.

They'll never let us on that plane if we're drunk.

You know, these slanting floors will never be popular.

Peter.

Peter.

Good morning, Mr. Virgil, it's 9:15.

Lovely day, temperature normal.

Hey, you, you've had your beauty rest.

Come on, get...

Excuse me, madam, are you looking for the gentleman?

Do you happen to know where Mr. Virgil is?

He didn't return to the ship, madam.

We received a radiogram from him and Mr. Farrar.

- Mr. Farrar too? - Yes, madam.

They were taking a plane to New York

and would we please forward their baggage.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you, madam.

Fasten your safety belts, please.

Fasten your safety belts, please.

Sorry, sir, but will you fasten your safety belt, please?

Yeah, sure.

We're landing in Rio in a few minutes.

What? Where did you say?

- Rio. - Hey, Peter, wake up.

- Wha-what? - Wake up.

Hey, one thing I'll say about that Trinidad liquor.

- Not a sign of a hangover. - Maybe this will bring it on.

That stewardess says we're landing in Rio.

Rio?

She's probably not used to flying. That's all.

Would you mind looking out the window?

Didn't you ask for tickets to New York?

I certainly did. In my best Spanish too.

But the official language in Trinidad is English.

Huh?

You suppose that had anything to do with it?

These all the passengers from the Southern Queen?

No, there is another car coming.

Cigarette?

Be my guest but don't run into too much dough.

After you.

Thank you.

Yeah, we can check right now. Here's the bulletin board.

Due today, Southern Queen.

We better go claim our baggage before they ship it to New York.

Yeah.

Well, look, you go, will you? My girl's on board.

I don't want her thinking I'm running after her.

My girl's on board too. Let's make them suffer.

Calling Mr. Virgil.

- Hey. - Calling Mr. Virgil.

Hey, Virgil, that's me.

Pardon, Mr. Virgil, there is a phone call

for you from New York.

You can take it on one of the house phones.

New Yor...?

New York?

Tell them to transfer my unemployment insurance down here.

Hello?

Hello. Hello, Virgil?

Uh, uh, uh-huh.

Well? What's happened?

Well, how've you been? How's the weather up there?

Listen, I didn't call you 5000 miles

to discuss the weather.

As a matter of fact, it's a nice day here.

That's funny. It's a nice day here too.

Never mind that.

Why haven't you called me in all this time?

Well, that's because I didn't want to give you the bad news.

The bad news?

What's the bad news?

Hold on for a minute, something new has just developed.

Elvira.

Peter.

Hello?

Hello?

I don't know what...

Darling, how silly for you to run away.

Think of the time we've wasted...

Yeah, but it took those few days away for me to realize

that you don't love your husband.

Not another word about my husband.

Would it be wrong if I said I loved you?

It'd be wrong if you didn't.

Aren't you gonna introduce me?

Darling.

Always thinking of your own selfish pleasures.

I'll try the other shoulder.

Hm? Uh...

Oh, darling.

This is my boon drinking companion, Oscar Farrar.

Oscar, this is Elvira Kent.

How do you do, Mr. Farrar?

You can't imagine my feelings at meeting you.

In that case, try to imagine mine.

Say, Oscar, is she anything like your girlfriend

that you were telling me about?

You mean Georgia?

Oh, no, not at all.

Well, I'll have to phone down about the baggage.

Phone? Oh, excuse me.

Oh, thanks, Oscar.

You get the feeling you're growing away from me?

You're a peach. Thank you.

I'm used to that.

Hello, Mr. Kent?

Virgil, what took you so long?

Believe me, it was all in the line of duty.

Listen, Virgil. What's been happening with my wife?

Plenty.

Well, tell me. I'm a grown man.

- How bad is it? - Pretty bad.

I'm a grown man too and I hope it gets worse.

This connection must be bad, I...

I can't understand what you're babbling about, but...

whatever it is, do something to stop her.

I... I'm going crazy here.

Mr. Kent, I've been taking your money under false pretenses.

I'd advise you to give me my two weeks' notice.

Goodbye.

Huh?

- Yes, Mr. Kent? - Miss Medwick, get my broker.

Call Randall.

I want to check the change in the routine shipping report.

Also get the wire that came yesterday

concerning the Canadian merger.

Anything new, Humphrey?

No, ma'am. It all looks very businesslike and proper to me.

- Oh. - Let... let me for a minute.

Excuse me.

He's talking to her.

So, she's going out of the room without even looking backward.

Uh, you can go to lunch, Humphrey.

After all these weeks, you'd think he'd give her a pinch

or a pat... on the shoulder I mean.

You sound disappointed that he hasn't.

I think I'll see what else is happening.

- Wait, wait a minute. - You know, it's irritating.

Here I give up a perfectly wonderful cruise

to trap my husband and what happens?

Nothing.

Just goes to show, you can't trust men.

And that... that girl is having a perfectly wonderful time under my name.

I haven't heard from her in days.

Who knows what's going on there?

Just goes to show you can't trust women either.

The best thing you can do, Elvira, is...

to get on the first plane to Rio.

What for?

Then you can phone Michael to join you

and you can take the boat back together.

Half a cruise with a whole husband

is better than no cruise with no husband.

Maybe you're right. Come on, let's go.

- Oh, and this one too. - You know what to do right?

- Yes, Mr. Kent. - The car's downstairs, Mr. Kent.

- Your bags are in it. - Thank you, Charles. I'll be right down.

I want you to get some new displays

pushing hair tonic and triple malts.

- Yes, sir. - Miss Medwick, you'll pack those too.

If anything comes up, wire me at the Hotel Atlántico.

- Yes, sir. - Your briefcase, Mr. Kent.

- Thank you, Miss Medwick. - And bon voyage.

- We'll all miss you. - Thank you.

- Hello. - Where've you been all day?

I was seeing a lady friend off at the airport.

You can see me off too. I'm leaving for Rio.

- For R-Rio? When? - Immediately.

I have a chartered plane waiting for me.

I-is that as fast as going by regular airlines?

Much faster. I want to get there as soon as possible.

Mi... Michael, you have company. I'm going with you.

Oh, Michael.

Good, good, good. But I'm not interested.

What can I do with that type of music in my show?

Mr. Plinio, take my advice,

as one musician to another, you need me.

Mr. Farrar, as one businessman to another, I can't afford you.

You can't afford me?

Money's of the utmost indifference to me.

- All I want is a chance to play. - That's not the point.

I'm spending a fortune to redecorate this place

so I can reopen in time for the Carnival.

And to get my investment back, I need an attraction.

A real attraction.

I need someone with a name.

What do you think my mother gave me, a number?

Let me play it again.

Very generous of you, but I can't use it.

That's what I admire about you, you've such an open mind.

Maybe you'd like it better if I set lyrics to it.

Shh.

I wish those amateurs would stop interfering

with a serious musician.

Say, I know that voice.

She not only sounds good, she looks good.

Take it from me, that girl has all sorts of talent.

You want to sign her up?

She could be the finest singer, but if she hasn't got a name...

What do you mean she has no name? That's Mrs. Elvira Kent.

The classiest society dames in New York.

Mrs. Elvira Kent?

When she came out, she made all the other debutantes

look like social climbers.

A society singer.

That's right, and very talented.

That would be something new around here.

- Want me to talk to her? - Oh, no, no.

You wouldn't know how to handle an important lady like that.

I'll... I'll talk to her.

Mrs. Kent, you will not be angry with me?

Why should I be angry with you?

I-I was about to offer you a contract

to sing in my Casino Room.

Beg your pardon?

I knew you would be offended, but it's a good proposition.

A thousand dollars a week.

A thousand bucks... Dollars, for me?

Of course, it's obviously nothing

for a lady in your position.

But if I said 1,000, I can say 2,500.

Are you kidding?

Once you say 2,500, it's not difficult to say 5,000.

After you pay your taxes here and in United States,

it will cost you very little.

I'll tell you what I'll do, Mr. Plinio.

I'll sing for you for 1,000 a week.

- What? Ah... - But not as Elvira Kent.

Suppose I took another name. What difference does it make?

Any name, let's say Georgia Garrett, for instance.

- What's wrong with that? - Listen, honeybunch.

If you use an name like Georgia Garrett, and sang like an angel even,

I could still shoot llamas in the balcony.

But if I had Mrs. Elvira Kent...

Did I say 5,000? I mean seven.

Okay. I'll do it.

Wonderful! Wonderful.

It's no accident that I happen to have the contract with me.

- What a coincidence. - Here.

Senhora, I predict that you are going to be the greatest attraction I ever had.

- I know she will. - Thank you.

I'm only sorry that your husband won't be here to see you.

Oh, I'm so sorry too, but he's such a busybody.

- Goodbye. See you later. - Goodbye.

- How do you do? - Oh, how do you do, sir?

Can you tell me where can I find Mr. Peter Virgil?

Mr. Peter Virgil? I believe you'll find him in the Casino Room.

- Thank you. - I'll stay here and register.

Where's the ho... house telephone?

You may use this phone right here.

Mrs. Michael Kent, please.

- Mrs. Michael... - Thank you, but what's the number?

Three fourteen.

Why don't you rest for a while?

I'm not tired, just excited and happy.

Yeah, but by tonight you'll be slaphappy.

You're not used to this professional grind.

Look, take the advice of an old trooper, will you?

While you can, go upstairs and catch 40 winks.

I'll need 80 now.

Mr. Kent, I didn't know that you were coming down here.

After that double talk telephone conversation

where did you expect me to be?

I'm glad that you came, Mr. Kent

because I wanna explain the problem...

All you need to explain is the meaning of this.

The mea... that just means that your wife has a wonderful voice, that's all.

My wife has a terrible voice, that's not all.

I didn't pay you to let her sing in a nightclub.

I was hired to shadow her.

I mean, to stop her from singing would have been extra.

Oh. What about that man? That other man?

I... I've almost finished a written report, Mr. Kent.

I don't want a written report, I want my wife.

- Where is she? - Well, she's around somewhere.

Oh, she's around somewhere.

A fine detective you are.

No, I'm gonna do the decent thing. She's in her room, go to her.

Huh?

Maybe it was just being away from you.

Maybe she does really still love you.

Maybe it was the tropical skies. Maybe it was just...

Maybe you can tell me what you're raving about?

- I don't know. - You what?

I mean, it hurts too much to talk about it.

Go to her, Mr. Kent.

It's the best thing for everybody.

Mrs. Michael Kent is not in her room.

I just saw Mrs. Kent step into the elevator.

Oh, the elevator.

Where you going?

Nowhere.

Say, what's the matter with you?

Mrs. Michael Kent's room, please.

Is Mrs. Kent expecting you?

What difference does that make? I'm Mr. Kent.

Oh, oh!

Uh, room 314.

- Thank you. Come on. - You're welcome.

- I said, come on. - Good, good, good.

I was going off duty in 10 minutes, but I think I'll stay.

Michael, I... I think it's better you go alone.

I don't want to spoil your nice reunion.

- Going up, sir? - Yes.

All right, Uncle.

Hello?

Yes.

Darling, I wanted to...

Oh, I beg your pardon. I must be in the wrong room.

Really? If it was the right room, that's no way to open the door.

Yes, you're so right. I'm so sorry.

Would you like to play a little three-handed gin?

It's all I need.

Come in.

Say, you gave me the wrong room number. My wife isn't in 314.

I'm sorry, but she is, Mr. Kent.

But there's a strange girl up there.

You'd better look it up again.

Three-fourteen is correct, Mr. Kent.

Rio is getting more like Paris every day.

Don't be so excited.

Let me get this straight. Mr. Kent is here?

That's right. Your husband.

If we have a fourth, we can play bridge.

Shut up, Oscar, I've got to think.

You have no time to think. You must leave immediately.

- What's the matter? - Shut up, Oscar.

Michael, Michael. Come, come, come.

Me and my ambition to travel.

Darling.

Darling, it's me, Michael.

Who are you and what do you want?

- Isn't this Room 314? - That it is.

Isn't this Mrs. Michael Kent's room?

Do I look like a Mrs. Michael Kent?

I must be dreaming, I...

Wasn't there a woman in this bed five minutes ago?

I'm no blabbermouth. Will you get out or will I...

All right. Excuse me, I'm sorry.

It must have been that plane trip I took.

My goodness, it's getting so that a man isn't safe around here at Carnival time.

- Now, run along, run along. - All right, I'm sorry.

It was my mistake. I didn't mean any trouble by it.

Oscar, what are we gonna do now? He's sure to find out.

First, put on some decent clothes. I'll start packing.

That's right. I will help you, darling, come.

- Mr. Lazlo? - I take off my glasses.

Come, come, come.

Thank you.

Oh!

Oh.

What is the number of Mrs. Michael Kent's room, please?

Three-fourteen. Who may I ask is calling?

Mrs. Michael Kent and I'll be back.

What if there is bloodshed in 314?

We're going to do the whole third floor over anyhow.

I'm checking out.

- Is there something wrong, Mr. Virgil? - Yeah, everything.

- Listen, Virgil. - What's the matter?

I'm going crazy. I'm going insane.

I can't find my wife. She's disappeared.

She probably just couldn't face you after what's happened.

Oh, for heaven's sake, man, what's this all about?

As long as I'm leaving, I might as well tell you the truth.

- I'm in love with your wife. - You what?

- She's fallen in love with me. - What?

The only thing I'm ashamed of is...

it was on your time.

Virgil.

Peter Virgil, you're fired!

Your bill, Mr. Virgil.

- Mrs. Kent. - A fine job you've done for me.

So I'm going to sing tonight, am I?

Excuse me. It seems I'm caught between two bags.

Oh, and I see the way you've taken care of my reputation.

- Uncle Lazlo, you too? - Yes, me too.

- Well, I am surprised. - You are not surprised yet.

You'll be surprised when I tell you

that Michael is here too.

- What? - Yes.

- Oh, what am I gonna do? - I have a wonderful idea.

We will tell him that...

It's not good. No.

Just wanna find out who's in that bed now, that's all.

- Darling! - Oh, so you finally made it?

Oh, Michael, I'm so glad you came.

It's been so lonely without you.

That's not the way I heard it.

Oh, I know all about your little escapades.

This Peter Virgil you're in love with

happens to be a private detective.

I hired him to shadow you.

Everything you've done has been reported to me.

- That's a lie. - How do you do it?

Peter's not a detective. And he hasn't met your wife.

You're back!

You can't deny there's something between you and Virgil.

He confessed everything to me before he checked out.

Checked out? Oh, I gotta go.

What has she got to do with this?

- Oh, Michael... - Elvira, you'd better tell me.

- Tell me. - I can't...

Ah, ha!

Who are you? What are you doing here?

Don't you think we've been seeing too much of each other?

Elvira, what's the meaning of this?

Uncle, why are you hiding in the closet?

I... I will, I will tell you. It's awful.

There is such a hurly-burly in this Rio.

I was happy to find a quiet place.

Quiet place?

Well, you're not gonna sing and that's final.

Shout all you want.

But they paid to see Mrs. Elvira Kent and that's who they'll see.

- Oh, no, they're not. - But, Michael, it'll be fun.

Why, I sang for the Milk Fund Benefit, didn't I?

Yes and for two years after that

everyone was drinking their coffee black.

But, Oscar, the contract is illegal.

I said I was Elvira Kent.

You had her permission to use her name.

- They can ask her. - Please let's forget it.

No. You've gotta do it, for the sake of your country.

If Elvira gets out there to sing,

she'll set the Good Neighbor policy back 20 years.

I suppose if I'm lucky, they'll take me back at the Club Casa.

Five shows nightly at 40 a week.

I can go back to haunting the travel bureau,

piling up literature on places I'll never see.

Maybe, if I am very lucky, I'll meet a man

who won't pretend to be in love with me because it's his job.

Who're you to complain? If he's a phony, that makes two of you.

You two should be very happy together.

The thing is, he left thinking I was Elvira Kent.

I'll never know how he feels about Georgia Garrett.

Why, Mr. Virgil, I thought you went back to the States.

- I was going, but I didn't. - I beg your pardon?

Can I help it if I can't help it?

Yes, sir. Waiter, table for Mr. Virgil.

This way.

Now, it is my great pleasure to introduce to you

the star of our show.

The beautiful New York society lady

who will charm you with her singing.

Mrs. Elvira Kent.

Just a moment, please.

Ladies and gentlemen, I came here tonight

with every intention of singing for you.

But first I'd like you to hear from a very good friend of mine.

She's a girl who dreamt for years of visiting your country

and always wanted to sing in a glamorous place

before a distinguished audience.

Will you give her that chance?

Thank you very much.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Miss Georgia Garrett.

Oh, it's magic.

It sure is.

Oh.

A fine detective I turn out to be.

I didn't do so well as a married woman either.

You need practice.