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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,120 --> 00:00:03,509 That was very nice, Mindy. 2 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:04,954 Okay. 3 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:07,236 Jake, we're ready to hear your report. 4 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:11,557 - Jake? - Just a sec. 5 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:13,832 Now, Jake. 6 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:18,155 Okay, I'm finished. 7 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:23,235 - Does spelling and grammar count? - It's an oral report, Jake. 8 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:25,311 Oh, so it's like an oral thermometer. 9 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:26,754 Right. 10 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:29,391 Good thing it's not a rectal report. 11 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,469 - Just read it. - Okay. 12 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:36,235 "My Weekend, by Jake Harper. 13 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,391 Grade five, Mrs. Flanigan's class. 14 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:41,438 Woodward Avenue Elementary School, located on Woodward Avenue." 15 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:42,953 I'm not counting words. 16 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,670 Oh, good. 17 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,390 "My weekend starts on Friday, when my mom takes me to my dad's house. 18 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,516 Which is actually my Uncle Charlie's house. 19 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,716 Who is my dad's brother, making him my uncle. 20 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,838 His name is Charlie, which is why I call him my Uncle Charlie." 21 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,918 Anyway... 22 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,799 "Even though my parents are divorced, they still get along." 23 00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:08,109 - Hey, buddy. - Hey, Dad. 24 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:09,759 - How was your week? - Just fine. 25 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,194 - Bye, honey. - Bye, Mom. 26 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:13,749 - Thanks for bringing him. - Bite me. What the hell... 27 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,388 ...went on last weekend? - What are you talking about? 28 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:19,358 When I brought him home Sunday night and served him dinner... 29 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,114 ...he tipped me with a $25 chip from Caesars Palace... 30 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:24,999 ...and told me I had a nice rack. 31 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:28,958 Well, Judith... 32 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:35,677 ...you do. 33 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:37,592 That's not the point. 34 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,479 Where'd he get the chip? Where is he learning this behavior? 35 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,631 Hey, Judith. 36 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,356 Looking good. 37 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:49,117 Run away, run away. 38 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:52,113 Did you give my son a $25 chip? 39 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,748 - No, I did not give him a $25 chip. - Happy? 40 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:57,753 He won it, fair and square. 41 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,311 You couldn't run away. 42 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,232 I don't care what you do on weekdays. 43 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,710 But on weekends, remember you are a role model for an 11 -year-old boy. 44 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:09,475 Oh, that's a bad idea. Who thought of that? 45 00:02:09,640 --> 00:02:13,679 I'm warning you. Things had better change or there will be consequences. 46 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:16,308 Legal consequences. Got it? 47 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,110 - Got it. - Goodbye. 48 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:27,269 "There will be serious consequences. 49 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:30,352 Legal consequences." 50 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:33,796 "I don't care what you do during the week. 51 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:37,279 But on the weekends, you're a role model." 52 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:40,318 I enjoy talking this way. 53 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:44,431 As do I. 54 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:11,719 "Friday night, I stayed up late. 55 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,269 I watched all three Austin Power movies with my dad. 56 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,317 We ate Chinese food and Buffalo wings. 57 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,755 Dad fell asleep during The Spy Who Shagged Me... 58 00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:21,878 ...which, in my opinion, is the strongest of the trilogy. 59 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,149 By the way, 'shag' means 'sex' in England." 60 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:27,398 Just read, Jake. 61 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,154 That was a footnote. 62 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,797 - Read. - Okay. 63 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,837 "I woke up later with a stomachache... 64 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,514 ...but felt better after I went to the bathroom." 65 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:39,033 If you know what I mean. 66 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,278 - Jake. - What? It's not like I said: 67 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:43,953 "I took a dump." 68 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:51,953 "Anyway, I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn 't. 69 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:53,678 Probably because I was thirsty. 70 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:57,799 So I went into the kitchen for what Uncle Charlie calls a 'virgin screwdriver. ' 71 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,110 But really it's just a glass of orange juice. 72 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:03,875 It was late, so I decided to skip the glass." 73 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:11,958 Jake? 74 00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:15,076 Hang on. 75 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,199 That one hurt a little. 76 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:22,310 - What you doing? - Having a virgin screwdriver. 77 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,074 - Want some? - No, thanks. I'm good. 78 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:29,072 - What are you doing? - Watching TV. 79 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,591 Why isn't it on? 80 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:34,191 Because I've seen this one already. 81 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,876 - Hey, you wanna hear a funny joke? - Sure. 82 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,031 Why did the blond stare at the juice carton? 83 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,189 I don't know. Why? 84 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,476 "Cause the carton said 'concentrate.'" 85 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:49,112 That's okay. I didn't get it either. 86 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,515 "The next morning I was pretty hungry because..." 87 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:54,399 I think you all know why. 88 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:01,310 "So I had a bowl of cereal with my dad, and we made plans for the day." 89 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,278 - You wanna go to the museum? - No. I wanna watch TV. 90 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:08,110 It's pretty windy out there. Wanna fly a kite? 91 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:10,236 No. I wanna watch TV. 92 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:13,078 - Hiking? - TV. 93 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:26,953 - I'll get it. - TV. 94 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,711 "We decided to watch TV." 95 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,873 - Hello. - Is your name Harper? 96 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:39,793 - Yes. - Then this is for you. 97 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:46,830 - Why'd you do that? - Why did you sleep with my wife? 98 00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,990 Charlie. 99 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:56,839 Busy. 100 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,878 I don't care. Open the door. 101 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:03,636 - I've got company. - I know. 102 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:05,791 And her husband's downstairs. 103 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,317 Really? 104 00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:10,118 - You're married? - Yeah. 105 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,431 I'm not in. 106 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:17,792 You have to come and deal with him. 107 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,479 - No, I don't. - Yes, you do. 108 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,113 I disagree. 109 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,430 It's not up for debate. He knows you're here. 110 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:26,071 Oh, man, I hate when this happens. 111 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,239 This happens a lot? 112 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,391 Not a lot, but enough to be a drag. 113 00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:34,510 Charlie, are you coming back to bed? 114 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:36,473 - Yes. - Yes? No "yes." 115 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:38,710 There is an angry husband in your living room. 116 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:40,632 How angry? 117 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,677 - Is he packing? - What? 118 00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:44,876 - Does he have a weapon? - L... He has a stick. 119 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,834 That's not good. I could lose an eye. 120 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,116 - Charlie! Come on. - Fine, I'll wrap it up here. 121 00:06:50,280 --> 00:06:52,271 - Give me 20 minutes. - Oh, no. 122 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:53,873 A better idea. Wrap it up now. 123 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:57,073 - Ten minutes? - Now. 124 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,668 We got five minutes. 125 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:06,229 "The weekend was going great, but then something really bad happened." 126 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,834 - Hey. - Hello. 127 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,639 - Who are you? - I'm Norman. 128 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:15,110 I'm Jake. Have you seen my Game Boy? 129 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:17,999 No. Have you seen my wife? 130 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,354 No. Well, if you see it, let me know. 131 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:22,794 Ditto. 132 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:26,794 "I couldn 't believe it. 133 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:28,713 I lost my Game Boy." 134 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:38,038 "I couldn't find my Game Boy in the kitchen or living room... 135 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,191 ...so I checked my bedroom and my bathroom. 136 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:44,433 Because, as you may recall, I'd spent a lot of time in there the night before." 137 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:54,357 - He'll be right down. - Thank you. 138 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:03,876 Can I get you a cup of coffee? 139 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,348 Decaf. I'm already pretty enraged. 140 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,519 Well, that's certainly understandable. 141 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:16,232 I have cookies too. 142 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:21,799 - I wouldn't say no to a cookie. - Good. Come on in the kitchen. 143 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,997 I always find a nice cookie can brighten up even the darkest day. 144 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,628 Yeah, well, this better be one hell of a cookie. 145 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,628 - It's a nice house you got here. - Oh, thank you. 146 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,074 Actually, it belongs to my... 147 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,996 You live in the neighborhood? 148 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,440 - Bel-Air. - Oh, that's nice too. 149 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,558 Gated community, but the wife gets out anyway. 150 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,233 Chews through her leash, huh? 151 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:54,150 Hey, let me get you that cookie. 152 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,471 You see like a nice fella. I'm sorry I hit you with my stick. 153 00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,835 Oh, that's okay. I'm sorry my brother is... 154 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:03,949 That's okay. 155 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,190 So women, huh? 156 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,398 Can't live with them. 157 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:13,032 That's all I got. 158 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,111 - You married? - Divorced. 159 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:18,352 - She sleep around? - No, mostly just slept. 160 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,154 You're lucky. 161 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:25,074 There's no pain greater than being betrayed by the woman you love. 162 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:28,277 You know, these are really very tasty. 163 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,518 Aren't they? 164 00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:34,036 - Good morning. - Oh, speaking of tasty cookies... 165 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,634 ...Norman, this is Berta. 166 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,189 - Hello. - What is this, a fix-up? 167 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,355 No, no. Nothing like that. 168 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:46,476 That's good, because I'd probably kill him. 169 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:53,152 Nothing personal, Cotton Top. I just kind of like it rough. 170 00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:01,670 - Have another cookie. - Thank you. 171 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,195 So is anybody gonna tell me what's going on? 172 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,271 Well, it's a little complicated. 173 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,351 - Charlie... - Got it. 174 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:10,953 Got it? How could you get it? 175 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:14,394 There's a Rolls-Royce in the driveway... 176 00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:17,950 ...and I found these hanging on the mailbox... 177 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:21,157 ...so I'm guessing that your brother's got some bimbo upstairs... 178 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,675 ...and Norman here is her daddy or her sugar daddy. 179 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,756 - Tell me I'm wrong. - I'm the husband. 180 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:28,319 Judges? 181 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:34,749 - You gotta give it to her. - Yes. 182 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:37,150 - I mean, tough break. - Thank you. 183 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,276 - You got a gun? - No! 184 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:41,074 - Want one? - Berta! 185 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:44,433 I'm making small talk. 186 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:47,914 Okay. 187 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,310 You wanna talk this out like gentlemen, or you...? 188 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,470 You might've mentioned he fought at the Alamo. 189 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,798 - No offense. - None taken. 190 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:06,470 - Does that make us even? - You tell me. 191 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,158 Okay. One more. 192 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:13,994 How about that? 193 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:17,516 - He poked you, you poked his... - Berta! 194 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:21,279 What? How often do you see that kind of symmetry in life? 195 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,234 Hey. 196 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:34,794 Hello. 197 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:36,791 Were you just up in Uncle Charlie's room? 198 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,871 - Yeah. - Did you see my Game Boy? 199 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:40,029 No. 200 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,111 - Did you see my husband? - The old guy? 201 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:43,872 - Yeah. - He's in the kitchen. 202 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:46,634 Thanks. 203 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,397 Well, that's weird. 204 00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:52,676 If I was a Game Boy, where would I be? 205 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:57,989 I am so sorry. I had no idea that she was married. 206 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,232 I have a firm rule when it comes to sleeping with married women. 207 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,198 Yeah, if she's firm enough, he'll do her. 208 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:10,995 Sorry. Isn't there something you could clean? 209 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:14,197 I'm guessing you could use a good scrubbing. 210 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:18,151 Wait a minute. 211 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,358 "And suddenly I realized... 212 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:24,988 ...I might have left it in my mom's car." 213 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:28,197 Hey, Mom, did I leave my Game Boy in your car? 214 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,112 Well, can you go look? 215 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:32,350 Can't you just dry off and put on a robe? 216 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:34,995 There's another $25 chip in it for you. 217 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,198 She wasn't wearing a ring. There was no mention of a husband. 218 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,237 Is that supposed to cheer me up? 219 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,836 - No, no, no. I just wanted you to know... - Now, now. I get it. 220 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,470 You're a nice guy, and I married a skeevy tramp. 221 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:52,677 No, no, no. I mean, yeah, I am a nice guy... 222 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,831 ...but I'm sure Annette is a lovely woman. 223 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,150 Her name is Natalie. 224 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:01,269 - Really? You sure? - Yes, I'm sure. 225 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:04,273 Because I've been yelling "Annette" all night. 226 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:07,113 Her name is Natalie. 227 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,999 Well, then maybe this is all just a huge misunderstanding... 228 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:13,072 ...and I've been upstairs doing someone else's wife. 229 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:17,631 Five-foot six, long brown hair, butterfly tattoo on her left hip. 230 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,350 Left hip, huh? 231 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,797 Hold on now. A lot of women have butterfly tattoos. 232 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:34,874 But the one I slept with also had a little beauty mark in a certain intimate place. 233 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:36,951 I'm not here to claim a lost wallet. 234 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:43,074 Okay, let's just assume it's her. Again, I am really sorry. 235 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,879 It's my own fault anyway. 236 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,190 I should've realized back when I married her... 237 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:51,193 ...a man my age couldn't satisfy a woman that young. 238 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:54,796 If it makes you feel any better, I couldn't ring her bell, either. 239 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,315 - You couldn't? - You don't know me... 240 00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:59,311 ...but there's things I don't kid about. 241 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,589 So it's not just me. 242 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,079 - That's a relief. - Tell me... 243 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,151 ...about it. I was killing myself up there. 244 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,554 So anyway... 245 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:09,994 ...are we okay? 246 00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:13,038 You mean, aside from the fact that you just rolled off my wife? 247 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,839 Oh, yeah. We're aces. 248 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,589 Good. Thank you. 249 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:23,196 - Can I give you a little advice, kid? - Sure. 250 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,590 I was a player once, like you. 251 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:27,876 Do tell. 252 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:31,828 Does the name Tuesday Weld mean anything to you? 253 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,678 No. 254 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,912 Joey Heatherton? 255 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:38,559 No. 256 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,398 The immortal Miss Anne Francis. 257 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,396 TV's Honey West. 258 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:50,959 - Sorry. - Well, look them up on your Internet. 259 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:53,588 They were all hot, and I nailed them. 260 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,918 Really. Well, kudos. 261 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,156 But nothing lasts forever. 262 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:05,551 There's going to come a time when you'll wanna settle down. 263 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:08,280 And I only hope you don't make the same mistake I did. 264 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:09,839 I picked a young hottie... 265 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,470 ...because I figured I'd die in the sack with a smile on my face. 266 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,474 That's my retirement plan. 267 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,835 But it doesn't work that way. 268 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,468 What happens is... 269 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:24,230 ...you get your heart broken... 270 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,709 ...and you wind up having coffee with some putz... 271 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:28,757 ...who never heard of Honey West. 272 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:32,798 Got it. 273 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,313 Thanks for the advice. 274 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:36,478 Well, I'll be getting home now. 275 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:39,916 I got lawyers to call, locks to change. 276 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:42,992 Maybe I'll stop at the market, pick up some of those cookies. 277 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,958 - Here. Take the box. - Oh, thanks. 278 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,953 Looks like I'm the big winner around here today. 279 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:57,269 - Hello? Anybody home? - Hello. 280 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:00,995 - Hello. Who are you? - Norman. 281 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,435 Oh, hello, Norman. I'm Evelyn. 282 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,588 Is that your magnificent Rolls-Royce out in the drive? 283 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,239 Why, yes, it is. 284 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,470 - Are you a friend of Charlie's? - No. 285 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:12,790 But my wife is. 286 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,996 Did my son polish your trophy wife? 287 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,390 Well, you seem like a very intelligent man. 288 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:23,471 I assume you had an airtight prenup. 289 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:24,914 Bulletproof. 290 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,718 You know what, Norman? 291 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:29,792 You look a lot like my fifth husband. 292 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:33,270 Really? How many times you been married? 293 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,431 Four. 294 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,030 Cookie? 295 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,272 "When Grandma came over, I thought things couldn't get any worse. 296 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,032 But instead of making me visit... 297 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,476 ...she gave my dad money to take me, my uncle and Berta to the movies. 298 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:51,639 We saw the Rob Schneider movie where he plays a stupid guy. 299 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:54,678 I had popcorn, nachos and two jumbo red Slurpees. 300 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,513 But as you know, you don't buy Slurpees. You rent them." 301 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:04,479 - Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. - Cool your jets. 302 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,393 And if you can't cool them, point the nozzle away from me. 303 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:11,198 Oh, God. Mom! 304 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:13,838 - We can't go in right now. - Why not? 305 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,470 Because I can't afford to send you to therapy for the rest of your life. 306 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,835 What's going on? 307 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,356 - Oh, God! - What? What, what, what? 308 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:27,195 Good for Norman. That's getting right back on the horse. 309 00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:30,318 - There's a horse in there? - No, no. No horse. 310 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,631 - Well, I still have to pee. - So go water that bush over there. 311 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,836 "And so I did. And it just goes to show... 312 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,550 ...it's always in the last place you look." 313 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:40,678 Very nice, Jake. 314 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,070 "Then on Sunday, we all went out for breakfast... 315 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:44,753 ...with Grandma and Uncle Norman. 316 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:48,390 I had chocolate-chip pancakes with blueberry syrup and bacon. 317 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:51,393 Dad had scrambled eggs but with no yolks. Just the whites. 318 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,437 They looked like mashed potatoes. 319 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:57,957 Then the kid next to us threw up his waffles. It was awesome." 320 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,918 - So, what's new in school? - Almost got an A on my paper. 321 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:03,873 What do you mean "almost"? 322 00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:05,998 Got a C. 323 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,869 Okay, that's... That's fine. That's an improvement. 324 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:13,271 Minus. 325 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,032 Still, here's your dollar. 326 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,711 You're paying him for a C-minus? 327 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:22,316 That was our deal. A buck for every C, a car for every A. 328 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,870 - A car? - Safest bet in the world. 329 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:30,590 - So, what was the report about? - What we did last weekend. 330 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,199 - No kidding? - Yeah. And guess what else happened. 331 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:40,352 Trevor Griffin saw a ginormous rat in the cafeteria. 332 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,193 Yeah, but about the paper. 333 00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:46,352 You wrote about everything that happened here last weekend? 334 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,874 Well, everything but the boring stuff. 335 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,429 Oh, this could be problematic. 336 00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,989 No, it's called "summarizing." 337 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,671 - Can I see it? - Sure. 338 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:05,753 But it's at Mom's house. I gave it to her to read this weekend. 339 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,670 He's 11. There's no way it stands up in court. 340 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,754 Does this smell funny to you? 341 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,511 Subtitles by SDI Media Group 342 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,671 [ENGLISH] 25906

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