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The following programme
contains strong language.
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00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:10,000
Please be aware that this programme
also contains themes of suicide.
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00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,039
♪ CMAT: Mayday ♪
♪ What time were you born?
4
00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:21,119
♪ I'm bored again
And thinking of you
5
00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:24,639
♪ And wishing you were home
6
00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,400
♪ Hello?
7
00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:32,799
♪ Wish I could see the stars
8
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:36,799
♪ We'd look upon
the same ones, baby
9
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:38,879
♪ The city makes it hard
10
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:40,640
♪ Although
11
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:43,959
♪ I saw that Portugal's on fire
12
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,239
♪ Woo-oh
13
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,360
♪ And Mississippi's
underwater, too
14
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:52,199
♪ But all that I M-I-S-S is you
15
00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,559
♪ There's nothing
that I can do- ♪
16
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:56,679
Are you ready to order food?
17
00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:58,479
Er, no, no, no, thanks.
18
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:01,079
I'm, erm, waiting
on my... cousin.
19
00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:04,120
Hmm. Just a glass
of red wine, please.
20
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:09,760
Alright.
21
00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:12,400
What?
22
00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:07,800
OK...
23
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:28,680
Here you go-Oh! - - Sorry! Thank you.
- Sorry! - Thank you.
24
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,520
Hmm?
25
00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:53,720
No public shows of affection.
26
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:07,880
Erm... Oh.
27
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:14,239
So, why do you want
to eat my pudding?
28
00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:15,640
What?
29
00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,799
Oh, no. Pussy! I want
to eat your pussy!
30
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,359
Today's special is,
erm, chicken. Thanks.
31
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:24,200
Thanks.
32
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,400
Bloody auto-correct!
33
00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,399
See, he dropped us off
in the middle of nowhere,
34
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,720
we had to fucking
get out and walk.
35
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:41,559
Shall we get more wine?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
36
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:43,359
I-I can't be hungover tomorrow.
37
00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:45,919
I've got this interview with
the Shadow Home Secreta-
38
00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:47,959
Oh, fuck it, go on then.
It's only lunchtime.
39
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,239
Did you catch my interview
with Nisha Anand?
40
00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:52,439
No, not yet. Really
good engagement
41
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,999
across all the platforms.
- Hmmm. - Social media was-
42
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,879
But I only want to
talk about you today.
43
00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,359
Do you, aye? I hardly
know anything about you.
44
00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:01,519
I know that you work
in a supermarket
45
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,319
and that you murdered
your ex-husband...
46
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:04,799
I sometimes I wish I had. Why?
47
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:06,639
Oh, let's not talk about that.
48
00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:08,639
You're so infuriating! What?
49
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:11,039
You complain that I never ask
you anything about yourself
50
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:12,679
and then when I do,
you evade the question!
51
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,679
Why are you so secretive?
What are you hiding?
52
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:17,719
- Nothing!
- Grr, tell me something about yourself! Anything!
53
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:20,159
I don't know what to tell you!
What's your favourite movie?
54
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,519
Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
55
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:23,919
Really? Yeah, I love horror.
56
00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:25,839
Ooh. I don't think
I like horror.
57
00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:27,919
My whole life's
been a horror film.
58
00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:31,239
I feel like my life's been
a sort of tasteful noughties
59
00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:34,159
US indie flick with a
soundtrack by Fleet Foxes.
60
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:36,719
I don't know who they are. They're
this folk band from Seattle.
61
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,039
They do baroque-chamber,
harmony- I didn't ask, Seamus.
62
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,199
Sorry.
63
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:44,279
No, it's just my life's so
boring compared to yours.
64
00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:45,439
Oh, I don't believe that.
65
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,359
You hang out with movie
stars and world leaders.
66
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,279
Well, someone famous must
have come into your shop?
67
00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:52,759
D'you know David Beckham? David
Beckham's been in your shop?
68
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,199
No, but a fella who looks
a wee bit like him did.
69
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:56,759
He did!
70
00:04:56,760 --> 00:05:00,120
He was just like David Beckham but
he had psoriasis and an overbite.
71
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:02,719
Oh, and I once sold
Ian Paisley a Twix.
72
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,799
It's true.
73
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,919
Seriously. Wait, wait...
74
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:09,719
I DEMAND A TWIX!
BRING ME A TWIX NOW!
75
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,399
Shut up! You can't do that here!
I'm gonna do the other side now.
76
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:13,919
I'm from the IRA
77
00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:16,480
and I've planted a bomb
in this here restaurant.
78
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:21,759
Sorry. Sorry, everyone. I'm
not actually from the IRA.
79
00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:24,639
I'm-I'm from North London.
80
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,680
Can I get the bill, please?
81
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,679
Ian Paisley was a dangerous
right wing religious fanatic.
82
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,519
Yeah, OK, but he did speak out for
this community when it felt like
83
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:37,639
the whole world was ignoring
us. No, no, no, no, no, no!
84
00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:40,719
I'm not having sex with you if
you start defending Ian Paisley.
85
00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:43,360
You're just jealous because
Paisley is more famous than you.
86
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:49,039
OK, look I know it's some big
joke to you that I'm "not famous"
87
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,719
but surely, by now,
you've googled me
88
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,319
and you are aware-Googled you?!
89
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,679
I think you'll find that, er,
I've got better things to do
90
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:57,999
with my time than google
you! Unlike you, I'm not...
91
00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,280
OBSESSED with Seamus O'Hannigan.
92
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,399
And anyway, who says
we're gonna have sex?
93
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,759
Oh well, that's...
94
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:08,000
that's what we agreed last week.
95
00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:15,439
I no longer accept the
validity of that agreement.
96
00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,759
Wait! Wait, wait, wait. OK,
I'm just gonna pop in here.
97
00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:19,759
Won't be a minute and then
we are going to do this!
98
00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:21,999
Don't move, don't go anywhere.
99
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,879
Now there's a customer and you've
fucking embarrassed us, well done!
100
00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:27,880
You embarrass yourself by
existing, you fucking ignoramus.
101
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,440
Right, what can I get
ya, Robert Redford?
102
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:36,279
Er, I'm after some
condoms, please.
103
00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:38,399
You getting your
hole tonight, aye?
104
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,000
Mm? You, er...
105
00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:43,160
doin' a lot of aul' ridin'?
106
00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:46,519
Oh, I'm gonna pay by card...
107
00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:48,760
if...?
108
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,719
Are you in, er, luv?
109
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:57,920
Oh, no. We're just friends.
No, no. I mean L-U-V.
110
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,239
What's going on?
111
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,719
Sorry, I'm just trying
to buy some condoms.
112
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,079
Don't have any. Yeah,
you do. I can see them.
113
00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:07,320
He's a friend of Janet's.
114
00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:17,920
On the house.
115
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,559
Thanks.
116
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:23,879
Yo, Blondie.
117
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:25,919
Don't fuck her about.
118
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,520
Right?
119
00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:38,199
That was really fucking weird.
120
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,479
Do... Do you know those people?
121
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:43,640
Oh, Maggie and Charlie, yeah.
122
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,439
Why, what'd they say to you?
123
00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:49,239
Something about
"getting my hole"?
124
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:52,279
Ah, that's just the Belfast way
of saying "have a nice day".
125
00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:55,239
And about being in
love? Being in love?
126
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,719
Yeah except he spelt it "L-U-V".
127
00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,719
What's that about? Er...
128
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,640
Dunno. Charlie's an oddball.
129
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:05,360
Maggie's nice like. She
wasn't very nice to me.
130
00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,199
Yeah well, she doesn't
really like men.
131
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,719
Or English people.
132
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,000
Or anyone really.
133
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:14,999
Well, she made me
feel uncomfortable.
134
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,159
She's dead on once you
get to know her, you know.
135
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:18,719
She goes to my church.
136
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,199
Your church? Yeah.
137
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,919
You go to church?
138
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,359
Yeah. You're not a
Christian, are you?
139
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:26,639
Yes. Fuck off!
140
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:30,159
I am a Christian! You're like the
least Christian person I know!
141
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,119
I am a fucking Christian! See!
142
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:35,599
Yeah, well, I-I try not to swear,
but it's hard when I'm arguing
143
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,040
with stupid atheist
dickheads like you.
144
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,719
Well, yeah, I mean, y-you're very
intelligent so I-I assumed...
145
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:47,199
Here we go. Cause I work in a supermarket
I'm stupid and I don't understand science?
146
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,839
No, no, no! That's not what I'm
saying. I'm saying the opposite-
147
00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:53,399
Because I don't have a 2 from Oxford, like
you, I don't know what I'm talking about?
148
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,279
How do you know I've
got a 2:2 from Oxford?
149
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:58,560
Because... I
fucking googled you!
150
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:01,760
So, I did.
151
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:05,639
No, look...
152
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:08,479
I'm saying the opposite,
I'm saying, if you listen,
153
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:10,759
I'm saying you're intelligent
154
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,639
so you've obviously
thought about this
155
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:14,279
and well...
156
00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:17,320
I wanna know, w-why would you
believe in something without proof?
157
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,839
Huh. I do have
proof. What proof?
158
00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:23,439
I've spoken to him.
159
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,479
Sorry, you've talked
to God? Mm-hmm.
160
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,960
And he's spoken to me. Wow.
161
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,159
Wow? That sounds
crazy. No, no, it's...
162
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:34,919
It's... It's interesting.
I'm... I'm... I'm interested.
163
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,279
Well, what does
he think about us?
164
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:38,559
Us?
165
00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:42,399
Yeah, I mean, The bible says:
"Thou shalt not commit adultery."
166
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,439
Well, it's not adultery,
you're not married.
167
00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:47,239
Well, we're as good as married.
We've been together six years.
168
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,679
We talk about it a lot.
169
00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:50,719
We'll do it one day, it's
just a matter of time.
170
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,359
And-And...
171
00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:55,520
OK, well what about your,
erm, attempted suicide?
172
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,359
What about it? Well,
see if you-if you
173
00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,799
really believed in God, then...
174
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,279
you wouldn't have
tried to do it.
175
00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:06,559
D'you know, before I
tried to kill myself.
176
00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:09,040
I asked God to show me a
sign. And you appeared.
177
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,639
Do you think that's
a coincidence?
178
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:13,999
Yeah.
179
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,199
Really? Yeah.
180
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,439
We're standing
outside my church.
181
00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,639
That's your church? Yeah.
182
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:24,039
Do you think that's
a coincidence?
183
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,999
Yeah.
184
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:29,079
See, I-I mean, coincidences
are just coincidences, right?
185
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,999
I mean, I don't think
there's any... any, erm...
186
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,879
overarching design
behind it all.
187
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,919
But then your life has no meaning?
No. No, no, no, no, see...
188
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:38,879
cause I think we give
our lives meaning with...
189
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,399
with art and-and literature
190
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,599
and philosophy and-and-and
191
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:48,159
conversations and empathy for
one another and-and-and...
192
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,360
I don't know... love?
193
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,439
What? What-What is it?
194
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,080
I just, I've never had sex
with an atheist before.
195
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:03,839
I prefer the term humanist. Well,
what do you say when you cum?
196
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:07,759
- Sorry?
- Well, you can't be like: "Oh my God". So...
197
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:09,760
Is it... Is it more like...
198
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:14,919
"Ah, ah, ah, ah...
199
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,959
Ahhh, there's no overarching
design to it all, ahh.
200
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,000
Ah."
201
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,280
Depends how good the sex is.
202
00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,760
We'll soon find out.
203
00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:32,959
C'mon!
204
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,639
Get 'er bucked! Huh?
205
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,839
Well, are you coming or not?
206
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,479
♪ ONE REPUBLIC: Love Runs Out ♪
207
00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:41,839
♪ I'll be your light, your match
208
00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:43,559
♪ Your burning sun
209
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:45,759
♪ I'll be the bright in black
210
00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:47,799
♪ That's making you run
211
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:52,639
♪ And we'll feel alright... ♪
Erm...
212
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:54,839
What? Sorry. I, erm...
213
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:57,599
forgot you had a gun. Yeah.
214
00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,359
I got a fright.
215
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,439
Why do you have a gun?
216
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,039
This is Belfast.
217
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:07,439
♪ I'll be your ghost
Your game, your stadium
218
00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:10,839
♪ I'll be your 50,000... ♪
219
00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:12,839
Are you worried about it?
220
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:15,879
Er, a bit-bit-bit worried but...
221
00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,600
more excited than anything else.
222
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,759
♪ I got my mind made up
223
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,319
♪ Man, I can't let go... ♪
224
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:27,079
Oh, my God, these fucking
buttons are driving me crazy!
225
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,079
Yeah, yeah! Doing my head in.
226
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,079
Generally, a very
confusing garment.
227
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,119
How do you even get
this over your head?
228
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,399
Here, I'll... Yeah, OK, yeah.
229
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,959
Yeah. Thanks. I can
do that. It's me.
230
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:41,359
Captain practical. Well done.
231
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:44,319
OK. Wait, before you turn around.
I think I can help with the...
232
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:47,199
- - Ta-dah! - Oh! - How's that?
- - Yeah. - Great. - OK.
233
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:48,920
OK...
234
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:53,879
Erm... am I the only
one taking clothes off?
235
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,639
Oh, fuck! Sorry!
How selfish of me!
236
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:58,400
Sorry.
237
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,800
Be gone, damn you.
238
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:07,040
Sorry.
239
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,759
Oh, shit. - Oh, my God.
- Hurry up.
240
00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,200
Sorry, I'm getting a- - I'll do it.
- Sorry.
241
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,119
Oh!
242
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,959
Sorry, I didn't mean to do that.
243
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,160
Fuck it, it's just a shirt.
244
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:33,359
Ah... Ahhh!
245
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,520
Life is random and meaningless!
246
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,959
How many times is that
we've done it now?
247
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,679
Five.
248
00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:51,280
Fucking hell.
249
00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,680
I can't believe the time.
250
00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,400
How many cigarettes
have you had?
251
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:03,159
Five. I've never
actually smoked before.
252
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:05,119
Oh, well you should.
It looks good on you.
253
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:07,639
I have to say, I do feel
very cool right now.
254
00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:09,880
What?
255
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:15,959
Oh, my God! I think
I'm going to be sick!
256
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:18,359
I feel dizzy!
257
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:21,600
I'm gonna pass out!
258
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,640
No, I'm OK, actually. It's fine.
259
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:33,079
Oh shit, it's Frankie.
I'd better, erm...
260
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,720
Y-Yeah.
261
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,999
Do you still like
my nose? It's OK.
262
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,040
What else do you like about me?
263
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,239
That's all. Come on.
264
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,280
Tell me what else you like.
265
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,439
I only like your nose.
266
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:20,000
Oh?
267
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,119
What do you think of
my penis? Oh, God!
268
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:25,999
No, I'm serious. You're
a fucking nightmare!
269
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,320
See, I can never decide,
I can't work out...
270
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,399
Do you think it's too big?
271
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,159
Do you think I should
get it reduced?
272
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,400
It's just a bit-Shut up!
273
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:38,240
No, I...
274
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,640
I think it's very nice.
275
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,599
I love your
eyelids. My eyelids?
276
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,639
Yeah. I love how heavy they are.
277
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:51,999
They're only heavy cause
I'm so fucking tired.
278
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,199
Don't go to sleep. We have
to make the most of our time.
279
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,559
What time is it? Oh, no, don't
tell me. I don't want to know.
280
00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:58,239
Oh. What? What is it?
281
00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:01,399
It's nearly four. Oh,
Jesus-fucking-Christ!
282
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,639
We have to go to
sleep, right now.
283
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:05,680
Oh, my God.
284
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,479
I'm not a psycho, you know.
285
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,759
Oh? What?
286
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,440
Erm...
287
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:29,440
I was just drifting
off to sleep. Sorry.
288
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:36,320
What did you say?
289
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,679
I just want you to
know I'm not a psycho.
290
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:43,999
Like, this isn't gonna
end like Fatal Attraction.
291
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,400
W-Why would I think that?
292
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,919
OK. You know earlier when
I said I heard God's voice,
293
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,639
I just want you to know that
I don't generally hear voices.
294
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,680
It's just God's voice I hear.
295
00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:58,759
That's all.
296
00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:00,839
I don't think that's crazy.
297
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:02,480
I, erm...
298
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,240
I mean...
299
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,719
Well, we all hear
voices, don't we.
300
00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:11,159
When I hear a voice, I
don't think of it as God.
301
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,719
I just...
302
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,080
I just think it's, erm...
303
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,360
my conscience.
304
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,839
What kinds of things
does God say to you?
305
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,720
Are you making fun of
me? No. No, I wanna know.
306
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,200
Well...
307
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:34,720
When I first started
talking to God...
308
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:40,760
it was cause I felt lonely.
309
00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:45,159
And I says to Him: "Dear God, where
am I gonna put all this loneliness?"
310
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,079
And He says: "Why don't
you find a boyfriend".
311
00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:49,519
And I says: "God, I don't want
a boyfriend, I just want sex."
312
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,999
And He was like: "Well, I'm not
stopping you." That was nice of him.
313
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,959
Don't interrupt me. OK.
314
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,679
And then I said: "But I'm ugly-"
315
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,919
What? You're not ugly- Would
you let me tell the story?
316
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:00,960
OK. Sorry. Thank you.
317
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:08,200
And God said: "What?!
You're not ugly.
318
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:15,600
I created you in my image,
Janet, you're beautiful.
319
00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:18,160
Like me".
320
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,159
And I said: "Well you think
very-fucking-highly of yourself
321
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,040
don't you, God?"
322
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,839
And then He said: "Janet,
stop arguing with me
323
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,880
and get out of the house."
324
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:34,000
So, I had a few one night stands.
Well, a lot of one night stands.
325
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:38,999
So, I've been with loads of
fellas. Is that an issue, problem?
326
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,999
No.
327
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,000
Totally fine.
328
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:47,400
Thing is, I just get irritated
with every man I slept with. And...
329
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:53,119
I'd get really angry with every
interaction I had with everybody.
330
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:55,479
Including God. So,
I stopped going out.
331
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:56,959
And stopped...
332
00:18:56,960 --> 00:19:00,000
going to church. And I
stopped talking to God.
333
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:05,000
And then the loneliness
came back again.
334
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:14,120
And then every time I prayed
there was just silence.
335
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:22,159
And the silence went on for
so long, the only way...
336
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:25,480
I could think to end it
was with a gun to my head.
337
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,600
And then you showed up.
338
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,280
And you started
believing in God again?
339
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,160
Yeah.
340
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:54,320
See...
341
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,200
that sort of, erm...
342
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,599
That makes me kind of
like an angel, doesn't it?
343
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,119
Hmm, no. No.
344
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:05,759
I think... I think
I'd make a good angel.
345
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,399
I'd look sexy with the wings.
346
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,039
And a little gossamer loincloth.
347
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,120
It's time to sleep. Yeah.
348
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:23,639
Thank you.
349
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,319
For what?
350
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,319
Tonight.
351
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,360
It's been brilliant.
352
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,520
Why, God? Why this guy?
353
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:05,160
He's a dick. He's unavailable.
354
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:08,120
He's English.
355
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:11,280
He makes terrible jokes.
356
00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:15,920
Why him?
357
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,800
Janet?
358
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,400
Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!
359
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:48,960
Fuck!
360
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:05,680
Hi.
361
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:18,600
Good to see you back, love.
362
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,479
Ah! Fuck! Ah! Shit!
363
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:48,359
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
364
00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:51,599
Fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
365
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,000
Ow!
366
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,720
Fuck, fuck!
367
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:04,239
♪ Are you washed in the blood?
368
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:08,319
♪ In the soul cleansing
Blood of the Lamb?
369
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:11,399
♪ Are your garments spotless?
370
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,839
♪ Are they white as snow?
371
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:18,679
♪ Are you washed in
the Blood of the Lamb?
372
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:22,159
♪ Are you walking daily
By the Savior's... ♪
373
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,600
Sorry about this.
I've hurt my foot.
374
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,719
Where are your shoes? I
didn't know where you were
375
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,039
so I went out looking for you
and then the door shut behind me.
376
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:33,119
Do you have the keys?
I've got to get to work.
377
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,519
Hi.
378
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:38,119
Get out of here, now.
379
00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:41,439
Please sit. Oh!
380
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:45,039
All this week, the Girls
Brigade have been organising
381
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:47,319
a sponsored bible reading.
382
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:49,719
They are going to read
the entire bible...
383
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,999
Why didn't you wake me
up? Why would I do that?
384
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:53,879
I don't know, we
had a lovely night-
385
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,559
God, you're so... needy.
386
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,359
I'm not being
needy. It's just...
387
00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:01,119
basic manners, isn't
it, to say goodbye.
388
00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:03,319
Why are you being like
this? Are you cross with me?
389
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:07,079
"Are you-Are you cross with
me? Are you jolly well cross?"
390
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,520
No, I'm not cross
with you. I'm ragin'!
391
00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:12,759
Right. So why are you...
392
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:14,479
"Ragin'" then?
393
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:16,159
You broke the
rules. What rules?
394
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:17,959
The rules of the affair!
- I didn't. - Yeah, you did.
395
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:20,599
What rule did I break?
We can't fall in love!
396
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,919
Right. Well... we haven't
done that, have we?
397
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:24,799
Have we? No!
398
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:26,519
Liar. I'm not lying.
399
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:28,439
I haven't fallen
in love with you.
400
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,239
You haven't? No!
Definitely not-
401
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,399
Shhh!
402
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,199
This poor man called...
403
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,359
for the eyes of The Lord
are on the righteous.
404
00:24:38,360 --> 00:24:40,359
Have you fallen in
love with me? No way!
405
00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:41,599
Good! OK then!
406
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:44,679
But the face of
The Lord is against
407
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,359
those who do evil!
408
00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:51,120
I think the priest's looking at us.
He's not a priest, he's a pastor.
409
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:57,600
Do you think I could get
a plaster from the pastor?
410
00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:04,280
D'you see what I mean?
411
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,159
The righteous person
may have many troubles
412
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:17,480
but the Lord delivers
him from them.
413
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,839
He protects all his bones;
414
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,760
not one of them will be broken.
415
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:36,879
Maybe a bit.
416
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:38,999
What? A bit.
417
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,680
A bit what?
418
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:44,640
I've maybe fallen a
bit in love with you.
419
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,320
Actually, quite a lot.
420
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:51,640
Actually, truth be
told, a huge amount.
421
00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:54,720
Actually.
422
00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:59,280
Same. What?
423
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:04,400
I said same. You've...
fallen in love with me?
424
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:19,879
I don't know what
you're so happy about.
425
00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:21,600
Shhh!
426
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:24,760
What's so funny?
427
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,000
I have to break up
with my girlfriend.
428
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:32,399
♪ THE MEDITATION SINGERS:
Trouble's Brewin' ♪
429
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:34,760
♪ Trouble's brewin'
430
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,160
♪ I can't fight no fear
431
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,639
♪ Lord, I need my mother's hand
432
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:44,360
♪ To guide me
433
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:48,559
♪ Trouble's brewin'
434
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:51,040
♪ Look like it's the end
435
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:56,959
♪ Lord, send your
Holy Ghost power in
436
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:58,759
One more time!
437
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:01,719
♪ Trouble's Brewin'... ♪
438
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,520
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