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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,639 This programme contains very strong language 2 00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:05,239 from the outset and throughout. 3 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:10,040 Please be aware that this programme also contains scenes of suicide. 4 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:26,280 # ROBOCOBRA QUARTET: Wellness 5 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:43,839 # It's 7:00am 6 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:46,319 # I wake after having had on average 7 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:49,119 # Seven hours and 41 minutes sleep 8 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:51,519 # I've analysed my sleep over the years 9 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:54,120 # And found this is the perfect amount for me 10 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:01,039 # I often got to Hyde Park, take off my shoes 11 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,559 # And stare at the sun for 20 minutes 12 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:05,279 # Being barefoot grounds me 13 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:07,759 # And I receive electrons from the Earth 14 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:10,919 # I sun-stare because the UV rays aren't toxic in my eyes 15 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,679 # The first hour after sunrise 16 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:14,920 # And it resets my circadian rhythms 17 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:19,239 # 8:30 18 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,239 # Turn on my human charger 19 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:23,999 # A device that shines light into my ear and gives me energy... 20 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,640 Big day today? Yep! 21 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:36,319 # At some point between meetings 22 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:38,719 # I try to have a shot of activated charcoal 23 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:40,559 # They sell it out of Pret now 24 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:43,240 # Mm, we're so blessed in Britain Cheers buddy. 25 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,559 I love you! Seamus! Seamus! 26 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:49,519 Hey you. Seamus? 27 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,519 I just wanted to say a quick hello- Oh yeah! Sure, let's do this. 28 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:55,159 Ok, here we go... Smile! 29 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,999 Have a good day, you. 30 00:01:58,000 --> 00:01:59,639 Seamus! Hey, buddy. 31 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:01,679 There's lots of-Sorry... 32 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:03,879 Seamus. 33 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:06,279 They said we've got to have it out by Thursday. 34 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:08,399 Seamus! Hey, Tim! 35 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,360 Seamus! Ah-ha-ha! 36 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,879 Ndidi. Hi. 37 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,639 Uh, have you two already met? 38 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,640 Sort of. I'm Ndidi. 39 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:27,079 Your producer. Oh, hi! 40 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,399 God. I'm sorry, I thought you were a... 41 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:32,239 I thought you were a fan! Oh no, I am a fan! 42 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,999 But I'm-I'm also a producer! Agh! 43 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,720 I feel like a dick! 44 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,639 Right, come on! Yeah, yeah. 45 00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:46,599 That's it so far. Seamus O'Hannigan's TV show. 46 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,879 It's fucking amazing! When can I tweet about it? 47 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:52,559 We're officially announcing at noon. And there's been a change 48 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:55,199 in location too. I don't know if your agent's told you. 49 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,279 No? We're broadcasting from somewhere 50 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,719 a bit different from the norm. It's really exciting. 51 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:02,360 Somewhere you know very well. Begins with an I. 52 00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:06,639 Islington! Woo! I won't even need a driver! 53 00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:09,079 No, no, no, no Ireland. Northern Ireland. 54 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:11,319 Belfast, to be precise. 55 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:14,199 Belfast? We thought you'd be happy. 56 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:17,399 Isn't that where you're from? Um... 57 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,759 Well, my-my mum was, yeah, but I... 58 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:21,719 I haven't been back for years. 59 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:24,359 It's not ideal, but you only have to be there one or two days a week. 60 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:27,159 We're under pressure to produce more content from outside London. 61 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:29,919 It was Belfast or Cardiff, so we thought with your background- 62 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:32,319 This is good. I'm... No, I'm-I'm happy. 63 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:34,759 Give me a chance to... 64 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,760 "get back in touch wit' me roots". 65 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:41,639 # YOUNG SPENCER: Straight Outta Belfast 66 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:43,759 # Straight out of Belfast and I'm bringing the boys 67 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:45,839 # I got on Luca on the beat, we're bringing the noise 68 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:47,599 # In the north, west, south, and the east 69 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,399 # I've reds, blues, orange and greens 70 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:51,359 # In the Woodvale, Oldpark, GC, BS 71 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,239 # Screaming skulls and the SRD 72 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:54,999 # Ah, in the west, Poleglass and Twinbrook 73 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,799 # Ah, down Divis that be spinning the wheels 74 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:58,559 # Ain't no ah can do what we do 75 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,520 # Bombing MD... Fuck it. 76 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,720 # ..Keeper lit ya cunt, yee. # 77 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,480 Damaged goods. 78 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:15,960 Janet? 79 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,439 I'll keep this brief, Janet. You'll keep what brief? 80 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,839 What I'm about to say to you. What are you about to say? 81 00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:32,999 I'm about to say it if you'll let me speak- 82 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,799 Oh, I wouldn't call this brief. Stop it! 83 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:36,599 Stop everything you're doing. 84 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:38,839 The swearing, lateness, stealing- I don't swear. 85 00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:41,039 You swore at Jason. He provoked me. 86 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:42,840 Why, what did he say? "Good morning" 87 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:47,240 So, he said "good morning" and you said... 88 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,999 "Suck a fucking dick"? Who says "good morning" anyway? 89 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,639 I mean, what does he think he is? A fucking Disney princess?! 90 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:56,599 He's lucky I didn't punch him. Janet, I do not enjoy firing people. 91 00:04:56,600 --> 00:05:00,159 But if you keep going like this- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll stop it. 92 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:03,079 I'll stop everything. Yeah. Take the rest of the day off. 93 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:05,640 Come in tomorrow with a new attitude. I'll do it tonight. 94 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,240 Do what? 95 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,119 How's your mental health these days? 96 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:19,080 Suck a fucking dick, Philip. 97 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,799 The issue of setting up a truth and Reconciliation Commission... 98 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,559 The visiting group of senators will be talking to the leaders 99 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,439 of all the main parties to try to find a way forward... 100 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:33,639 Join me, Seamus O'Hannigan, for a brand-new current affairs show 101 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:37,039 broadcasting live from Belfast this Sunday. 102 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:39,119 This Sunday with Seamus O'Hannigan. 103 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:42,919 We'll be talking to the UK's leading politicians and asking them 104 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:46,559 the questions you want answered. So join us this Sunday for 105 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:51,640 This Sunday with Seamus O'Hannigan, with me, Seamus O'Hannigan. 106 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,359 Cut! It's a bit repetitive isn't it? 107 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:56,839 Yeah... A few too many "This Sundays". 108 00:05:56,840 --> 00:05:59,080 Yeah. And too many "Seamus O'Hannigans"? 109 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,039 Yeah. Yeah. 110 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,480 Yeah, maybe. 111 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:23,239 Ndidi. Yeah? 112 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:24,879 Ndidi? Yeah. 113 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:26,920 Er... Sorry. Thanks. 114 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:30,799 Are these... Are these new pages? 115 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,647 I thought you'd missed some important points. 116 00:06:32,671 --> 00:06:33,279 Yeah. 117 00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:35,239 Let's not bring up suicide, shall we? 118 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,479 We don't want to lose our audience in the first week. 119 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:40,439 Northern Ireland has one of the highest suicide rates in the UK. 120 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:43,159 I thought we should at least- Look, I get it Ndidi. You're... 121 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:45,399 keen to make a mark. But, um, hey, 122 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:48,880 I've been doing this a long time. So, let me try something, OK? 123 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,520 What is unemployment? 124 00:06:56,480 --> 00:07:00,759 Wikipedia defines unemployment as "the situation of actively 125 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:04,480 looking for employment whilst not currently being employed". 126 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:08,879 Like these "lads" you see standing next me. 127 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:12,439 Here, in this divided city, still reeling 128 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,919 from the collective national trauma 129 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,639 of the conflict known as "The Troubles". 130 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:20,919 You can sense the legacy of violence 131 00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:23,719 still resting on their young shoulders. 132 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:26,719 Now, to you or I they may seem desperate, 133 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:29,240 dangerous, criminal, even. 134 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:31,839 - Hello! - Fuck off. These young men... 135 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:34,279 Dickhead. Seek only one thing... 136 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:36,880 Hope. 137 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:40,159 Jesus fucking Christ! Who are you calling dangerous? 138 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,479 I wasn't actually calling you- God! Everyone calm down. 139 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,439 No! Stop it! 140 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:45,959 We have permission to film! Blah! 141 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:47,759 Help! Jesus! 142 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:50,120 Please, get off him! Call the police! 143 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:53,599 Leave me alone! Leave me alone! 144 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,919 Help! 145 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,080 Seamus! 146 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:12,919 There he is! Get after him! 147 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,040 Fuck. 148 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,119 Little shits! Come here! Come back! 149 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,200 We only want to talk to you about your TV show. 150 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,640 Fuck! 151 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,320 Grab those legs! 152 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:57,720 Help me! 153 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:15,120 You saved my life. 154 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,199 You saved mine. 155 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,399 Fucking prick! They took my phone. Wait! 156 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:23,239 Can I just come in and, um... 157 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,239 Please, er, can I call a taxi? 158 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,680 Can a girl not kill herself in peace today?! 159 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:45,479 And as we enter this year's marching season, 160 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:48,599 tensions are rising throughout the province... 161 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,599 I'm fucking drenched. 162 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,759 Fucking all over you. Look at the state of yous. 163 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:54,479 Fuckin' all over me. 164 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:57,479 Of parades but as yet no consensus has been... 165 00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:00,319 fighting this battle for... starting to hot up, 166 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,519 but the red team and the blue team 167 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:04,560 are trying to make a profit of their own. 168 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,320 Hello. Hi. 169 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:13,159 Um, listen, would you... would you mind if I wait inside? 170 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:15,399 It's just there's still some rather... 171 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:18,279 unsavoury characters out there and, um... 172 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,080 Do you wanna watch TV? 173 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:24,120 Y-Y-Yeah, yeah? 174 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,840 There's nothing on. Oh? 175 00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:54,960 Oh! Shit my phone! 176 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,399 How long did they say they'd be? The taxi? 177 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:11,760 Yeah. Um... Oh, er, about... 178 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:16,280 20 minutes, so not long. 179 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,479 No. 180 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,519 Not long at all. 181 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,600 You hungry? 182 00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:28,559 It's just toast. 183 00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:31,040 I wasn't planning on having dinner tonight. 184 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:38,280 So... why do you want to kill yourself? 185 00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:41,879 What brings you to Belfast? Oh, um... 186 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,359 I'm, uh, presenting a TV series. 187 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:45,799 You're presenting? Yes. 188 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,319 A TV series? Yes. 189 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:48,799 You're presenting? Yes. 190 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:50,279 A TV series? Yes. 191 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:52,359 Are you a TV presenter? Yeah. 192 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:54,279 Fuck off! That was quite sore actually. 193 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,479 Are you famous? Er, well kind of. 194 00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:58,559 Ow. Could you stop hitting me please? 195 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:01,999 Fuck! A famous TV presenter! 196 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,039 In my kitchen! 197 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:07,200 Do you really not know who I am? No. 198 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:10,839 I thought you did the way you were looking at me in the bedroom. 199 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,799 - I wasn't looking at you in the bedroom. - You were. 200 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,879 - You were looking at me in the mirror. - I don't know what you're talking about. 201 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,079 If anything, you were looking at me. How would you know 202 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,479 I was looking at you unless you were looking at me? 203 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:23,079 What's your TV show called? Uh, it's called 204 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:26,679 This Sunday with Seamus O'Hannigan. Who's Seamus O'Hannigan? 205 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,240 Well, I am. Oh. 206 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,279 - What other TV shows have you presented? - Uh... 207 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,319 Well... Well, technically... 208 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:37,919 OK, I came from radio- You're not actually a TV presenter. 209 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,839 Well, I mean I've guest presented things. 210 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:41,879 I've been a panellist on other shows. 211 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,879 What kind of shows? The Politics Hour. 212 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,719 Never heard of it. Politics Today? 213 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,279 Nope. The Political Notebook? 214 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:50,879 I don't really follow politics. That's probably why you haven't heard of me. 215 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:53,359 - Probably cos you're not really famous. - But I am quite famous. 216 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,747 But not famous like Charlotte Crosby or Stacey Solomon. 217 00:13:55,771 --> 00:13:56,559 Who are they? 218 00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,639 Geordie Shore? Who's Geordie Shore? 219 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,279 Oh no, don't worry, don't worry, I-I'll look them up. 220 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,320 Oh, fucking hell, my phone! 221 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,879 How do you not know who Stacey Solomon is? 222 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,279 X Factor? I'm a Celebrity? Celebrity Juice? 223 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:12,679 Celebrity Gogglebox? Oh jeez, you mean Reality TV? 224 00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:15,479 Jesus Christ, no. I mean, that's just for ignorant morons 225 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,000 who'd be better off shooting themselves in the fucking face. 226 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,320 No offence. 227 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,240 That'll be your taxi. 228 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,920 Yeah... 229 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,800 Uh... Listen, are you gonna be ok? 230 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:07,640 Fuck! 231 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,760 Oh fuck! Oh shit! 232 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,359 Fuck, fuck, oh fuck. 233 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,239 Fuck, oh shit. 234 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,280 Oh? Oh fuck! 235 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:30,399 Oh. 236 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,840 Fucking hell! 237 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,439 What are you doing here? 238 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:39,679 I thought you were trying to kill yourself again. 239 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:41,480 I'm eating a bar of chocolate. 240 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,840 Would you mind calling me a taxi? Again? 241 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:52,920 Please? 242 00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,640 Er, no, that's dead on. I'll try someone else. 243 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,519 I've rang every taxi firm in East Belfast. 244 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,839 They're all booked up. You won't get a cab for hours. 245 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:21,919 Oh... fuck. 246 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:25,159 Is-Is there no one else you can try? Look, mate, I'm not doing this 247 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:28,279 all night! Sorry, yeah. Ok. Well, thanks... 248 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:31,119 I can walk, I suppose. 249 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:33,480 Thanks for trying. 250 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:40,039 You're welcome to stay the night. Oh. Uh, well... 251 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,319 Obviously, I don't mean- No, I know, no I mean I- 252 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:45,199 It's just it's late, you know- I didn't think you meant anything. 253 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,039 Anyway, the offer's there. I appreciate it. 254 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:48,827 It's not an offer of anything more than a bed. 255 00:16:48,851 --> 00:16:49,439 Right. Right. 256 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:52,440 Oh and when I say bed, you know, I don't mean, fucking-Gotcha. 257 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:03,560 You can sleep on the sofa. Thanks. 258 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,000 Woo-hoo! 259 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,760 Yeah! 260 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,919 So, do I have to worry about an irate husband 261 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:34,999 coming home and finding a strange man on his sofa? 262 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,399 My husband's dead. 263 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,840 Oh. Sorry. 264 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,760 He died two months ago. 265 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:46,959 Is that why you're depressed? Who said I was depressed? 266 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,519 Oh, um, well you were... 267 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,959 You were trying to ki... Uh... 268 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,000 I'd prefer not to talk about it. OK. 269 00:17:57,360 --> 00:18:01,240 It's just, it-it's good to talk about these things. You know. 270 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:06,080 It's good to... It can be helpful to get them off your chest. 271 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,160 And I'm-I'm a very good listener. 272 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:13,479 Well, actually- In fact, I-I-I once interviewed 273 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:17,480 the former Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, and he said... 274 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:21,919 he said, it was the best interview he's ever done because... 275 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:23,960 because I'm such a good listener. 276 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,547 Yeah, it might be good to talk about it, actually. 277 00:18:26,571 --> 00:18:27,199 Yeah. 278 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,240 Yeah... 279 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,599 So, how did he die? I killed him. 280 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,439 What? 281 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,480 I murdered him. Oh... 282 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,200 It was a sex game gone wrong. 283 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,560 I was dominating him and I took it too far. 284 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:58,559 I shoved a... what do you call it? 285 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:01,599 It's like a... it's like a vibrator, but it... 286 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,519 it doesn't vibrate. A dildo? 287 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:05,159 - Dildo? - Yeah. Yeah, a dildo. 288 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,960 Yeah, I shoved a dildo down his throat and he, um... 289 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,680 he choked on it. 290 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:17,040 He choked on a dildo. 291 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,080 Mm. 292 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,119 I'm joking. 293 00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:33,120 Fu... 294 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,840 He left me for another woman. 295 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,520 Sleep tight. 296 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,279 Hi. Jesus Christ! 297 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:39,079 I couldn't sleep in my room because of the broken window. 298 00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:41,120 Yeah. It's too cold. 299 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,080 Hiya. 300 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,000 Hi. 301 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,080 Better get ready for work. 302 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,199 'This Sunday with...' 303 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,599 'Hello and welcome to the very first... very first... 304 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,759 Oh shit. Come on. This Sunday with Seamus... 305 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:33,799 Hello we're in Belfast live for...' 306 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,600 Morning. 307 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,599 You alright? 308 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,559 Yeah, just... just a bit nervous. 309 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:46,639 About this interview. What interview? 310 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:49,039 I'm interviewing the, uh... 311 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:52,040 the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions. 312 00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:56,039 You know, when I'm nervous I sing. 313 00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:58,039 Sorry, you what? I made up this wee song 314 00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:00,680 and I sing it to myself whenever I feel nervous. 315 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,279 Come on, let's hear it then. 316 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,439 No, I don't think so. Come on sing the song. 317 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,519 No, I'm not singing it. Please sing the song. 318 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:10,999 I'm not singing it. It really... I wanna hear- 319 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,959 Don't be nervous. Nerves are for dickheads. 320 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:18,719 So, if you're nervous that makes you a dickhead 321 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:23,239 So, don't be... 322 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:25,280 fucking nervous. 323 00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:28,076 - Wow! - I knew you wouldn't 324 00:23:28,100 --> 00:23:29,039 fucking appreciate it. 325 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,039 No, no, it's not that, it's just, it's like, 326 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,919 - let's be honest, it doesn't rhyme at all. - So? 327 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:35,759 Well, I mean, there's no tune. 328 00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:38,240 I mean, you couldn't categorise it as a song. 329 00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:42,960 Well, it's worked though, hasn't it? How? 330 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:46,760 It's... You're not worrying anymore. 331 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:04,719 Yeah. 332 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:06,879 # RYAN MCMULLAN: RUTHLESS CUPID 333 00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,400 # Don't wanna leave but I gotta go home 334 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:13,159 # Where'd you come from, where did you go? 335 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,519 # I don't recall ever feeling so low 336 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:20,279 # Washed up and burned out, 30 years old 337 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,999 # I'm holding out for a little romance 338 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:26,119 # But nobody's ever said "shut up and dance" 339 00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:29,399 # Like the way that you did babe 340 00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:33,920 # Yeah, you made me feel something 341 00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:38,799 What? # Oh, honey come back 342 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:41,000 # You never told me your name 343 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:47,159 # What kind of game have you got me in? 344 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:50,039 # Whatever it is, I'd let you win 345 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:53,479 # Oh, now I see you with some other guy 346 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,079 # Washed up and pissed off... If you can't stand the heat, 347 00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,399 then get out of the kitchen. I hope you've enjoyed 348 00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:00,439 this first show as much as I have. 349 00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:02,880 Thanks for joining us. See you next Sunday. 350 00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:09,399 Keep her lit, Seamus. 351 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,799 Well done Seamus, that was brilliant. 352 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,359 We love you Seamus! 353 00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:17,759 Get on Seamus. 354 00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:21,000 # Oh, honey come back, you never told me your name 355 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:24,559 Good morning. 356 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:30,039 # I should've known it would always end up this way 357 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:33,479 # Oh, Cupid, you're ruthless 358 00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:36,799 # Oh, Cupid, I'm just stupid 359 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:40,920 # But Cupid, this goose chase ain't over yet. # 360 00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:55,519 Ladies and Gentlemen, 361 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:58,159 we are experiencing a little turbulence coming into London. 362 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:00,079 Please remain in your seats as the captain has 363 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:01,800 put on the fasten your seatbelt sign. 364 00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:12,879 Don't be nervous. 365 00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:14,680 Nerves are for dickheads. 366 00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:20,199 So, if you're nervous, it makes you a dickhead. 367 00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:23,719 So, don't be... 368 00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:25,760 fucking nervous. 369 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,680 Huh. 370 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:53,479 Seamus? I thought you were still in Ireland. 371 00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,479 I just got back. 372 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:57,199 Oh my God, what happened to your face? 373 00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,639 I was attacked by a gang of thugs in Belfast. 374 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:02,080 Why didn't you call me? They stole my phone. 375 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:04,760 Hi. Hi. 376 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,959 Did-Did you still do the show? Didn't you watch it? 377 00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:12,439 Sorry, I actually was filming all night. 378 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,560 Did you see my interview in The Observer? 379 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,519 They mentioned you a lot. Me? It's not about me. 380 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:55,039 You're a totally brilliant actor in your own right. 381 00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:57,640 I'm so sick of this patriarchal bullshit! 382 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,480 Shall we go for dinner? 383 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,040 # THE VACCINES: If You Wanna 384 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:29,679 # Well, I don't want to wake up in the morning 385 00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:33,119 # But I've got to face the day 386 00:28:33,120 --> 00:28:34,999 # That's what all the friends 387 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:39,560 # I do not like as much as you say 388 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:43,199 # I don't want to do things independently 389 00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:46,159 # But I can't make you stay 390 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:48,119 # That's what all the friends 391 00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:52,440 # I do not like as much as you say 392 00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:58,919 # But if you wanna come back it's alright, it's alright 393 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:01,919 # It's alright if you wanna come back 394 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:05,199 # Do you wanna come back? It's alright, it's alright 395 00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:09,120 # It's alright if you wanna come back to me 396 00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,799 # Alone 397 00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,760 # All alone 398 00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:25,039 # I, I am on my own 399 00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:27,479 # Alone 400 00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:31,239 # All alone 401 00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:36,479 # I, I am on my own 402 00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:39,999 # But if you wanna come back it's alright, it's alright 403 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:42,559 # It's alright if you wanna come back 404 00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:45,719 # Do you wanna come back? It's alright, it's alright 405 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:49,040 # It's alright if you wanna come back to me 406 00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:03,239 # But do you wanna come back? It's alright, it's alright 407 00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:05,799 # It's alright if you wanna come back 408 00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:08,959 # Do you wanna come back? It's alright, it's alright 409 00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:11,559 # It's alright if you wanna come back 410 00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:14,799 # Do you wanna come back? It's alright, it's alright 411 00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:17,319 # It's alright if you wanna come back 412 00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:20,639 # Do you wanna come back? It's alright, it's alright 413 00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:24,520 # It's alright if you wanna come back to me. # 31017

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